Original subtitles

( majestic theme playing)

(laughter)

(girl moaning)

It's getting late. I have to go.

You're not going anywhere.

Evil doesn't wait.

Take me with you.

It's too dangerous.

When all this is over, I'll come back for you, I swear.

Do you really love me?

The Seeker never lies.

Oh.

(laughs)

Where have you been?

I got my foot caught in a hunter's trap.

Oh, I'm sure you got something caught somewhere.

We need to move now.

Please. We've already paid our tribute to Lord Rahl.

The demand's been doubled.

There's a war on, as you may have noticed.

If we give you more gold,

we'll have no money to buy seeds for our crops.

We'll starve.

And then Lord Rahl will get nothing out of us.

Maybe this town would fare better

with one less mouth to feed.

RICHARD: Drop the sword!

( dramatic theme playing)

(yells)

(grunts)

Confessor, let me live, that I might serve you.

How long you live depends on how well you serve.

Are there more of you coming?

If I'm not back with the tribute by nightfall,

my commander will send the Dragon Corps.

And they won't just come back for the tribute.

They'll come for the whole treasure.

And they'll slaughter anyone who tries to stop them.

Please, Seeker, you have to help us.

People of Ixwood, do not despair.

Go to your houses, close the shutters, bolt the doors.

The Confessor and I will wait in the treasury.

When the rats walk into the trap:

(all gasp)

Stand watch on the road. When you see the Dragon Corps coming,

race back here, knock three times

on the door of the treasury, and hide yourself.

Go.

(applause)

Come. Come.

This is a great day for the people of Ixwood.

You have given us hope in a dark time.

Oh, be sure to thank your wife for all this marvelous food.

You can thank her yourself.

Is there any other service I can perform for the Seeker?

( comic theme playing)

(coughs)

Uh...

Oh, I'm sure the Seeker is more than grateful

for the service you've already provided.

Thank you both for everything.

The gratitude is ours.

Ugh.

I hope, for your sake, she's a better hunter's trap

than she is a cook.

( eerie theme playing)

(rooster crowing)

Did the D'Harans come?

Where's the Seeker?

What if they killed him?

( dramatic theme playing)

Seeker?

The Seeker hasn't been killed. He's tricked us.

Summon the town guard.

We've been robbed.

What took you so long?

You try running in this corset.

Was it the corset that slowed you down,

or the entire flagon of spirits you guzzled last night?

It was freezing.

Funny how many cold nights we've been having lately.

I was beginning to think you'd run off with the loot.

Oh, you know you can trust us, Gwildor.

Well, I know I can trust you to come back for this.

Do we have to? I would say so.

With the price Darken Rahl has

on these pretty little mugs of ours.

Do it, Gwildor.

Look on the bright side, Frytss.

You may have a big belly,

but tonight you'll have plenty to fill it with.

(laughter)

And here's to the poor,

unsuspecting town of Lothringham.

Next stop on our little tour of the Midlands.

Oh, here. Sorry about the wait, my lovelies.

Lunatic asylum in here tonight, as you can see.

Well...

Oh! Hands to yourself, swine.

Yeah, that's right. Cram it in before it walks away.

You should talk, you bloated bag of swill.

Warms my heart to hear you lovebirds coo.

Lovebirds my posterior.

If you hadn't found that mirror

and brought us into the business,

that one would be a distant memory of wasted youth by now.

Soon enough, my dove. Just a few more bags of gold salted away,

I will never again have to look into your shining eyes,

and ask myself, "What was I thinking?"

Meant for each other, aren't you?

Like two fleas on a dog's pos...

What?

MAN: Hey. Hey, Seeker.

Richard. Kahlan.

I'm so glad to see you both alive and well.

What brings you back here so soon?

We parted ways with Zedd two weeks ago.

We're supposed to meet him here.

RICHARD: Have you seen him? Not yet.

But I'll give you a room while you wait for him to turn up.

Oh, thank you, Bianca, but it's too dangerous for you.

Rahl's been killing people who give us shelter.

We'll camp in the woods and come by tomorrow.

Well, could I at least

give the Seeker and the Confessor a hot meal?

We've been on the road so long,

I'm not sure we remember exactly what that is.

Come on.

FRYTSS: We'll steal horses.

If we gallop all night, we'll cross the River Kern by dawn.

No, no, no.

Don't you see what an opportunity this is?

The Sword of Truth is among

the most valuable objects in the Midlands.

It could easily fetch us a hundred thousand pieces of gold.

Steal the Sword of Truth from the Seeker?

Sorry. My skin's worth 100,001.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

You have a buyer?

They'd be trampling each other

for the honor of meeting my price.

If you'd rather go back to fleecing children

out of their pocket money, or whatever it was

you were doing in the gutter I dragged you out of,

I'll just find somebody who wants to be rich.

If the Seeker catches us stealing the Sword of Truth,

he'll run us through with it.

I'm telling you, this is a bad idea.

That's what you said the time we swindled the count of Norwich.

And look at how fat you got off that feat.

The count of Norwich hardly compares to the Seeker.

For one thing, he didn't have all these muscles.

Well, you have them now, so I'd say you're equally matched.

Yes, but...

How do you think he got all these muscles,

you wine-soaked hag?

By hacking apart hundreds of D'Harans. That's how.

I may have the body, but I don't have the talent.

Lucky for you, I have both.

You're gonna fight him?

No, you pigeon head.

I am going to use the one tool

that the Seeker is defenseless against.

RICHARD: All filled up and ready to go.

We have time for a quick swim.

I thought we were in a hurry.

Well, that was before the sun came out and it got so hot.

Come on.

It's beautiful.

What are you waiting for?

(inhales sharply)

Kahlan.

Don't be so serious all the time.

It's just a swim.

You're going to be very sorry,

walking around in those wet pants all day.

This is a bad idea.

You won't say that once you're in the water.

( comic theme playing)

(laughing)

We really should get going.

No.

This is a very bad idea.

Oh! Oh!

What if you lose control?

Oh, I can control myself. The question is, can you?

You know what? You're right. This is a very bad idea.

( comic theme playing)

I was coming to see if you were all right.

I thought you were filling the water skins.

I seem to have left them behind at the lake.

I'll go back and get them.

All right.

Just hurry. Yeah. Okay.

Kahlan, why did you do that?

Do what?

What is this?

You take your clothes off.

You swim that close to me. Take my clothes off?

What are you talking about?

Your hair's dry.

That wasn't you in the lake. Your hair's wet.

That wasn't you in the forest.

Someone has got some very powerful magic.

Someone very close by.

Oh, no. What?

I know my sword, and this isn't it.

Someone stole the Sword of Truth?

How did that happen? I was distracted.

By a naked woman you went swimming with.

I thought it was you.

They can't be far.

I'll look for tracks by the lake. You go up the path.

MAN: Thank you for seeing me, captain.

If you have something to tell me, tell it quickly.

Is there still a reward being offered

for the capture of the Seeker and the Confessor?

You know where they are?

Is the prize still a million pieces of gold?

What reward could be greater

than the glory of Lord Rahl's gratitude?

MAN: Give me a hand with this stuff.

Yes, a million. To be shared with the arresting officer.

Of course.

If you know where they are, let's hear it.

Perhaps we should discuss that someplace a little more private.

You wouldn't want some eager pair of ears

beating us to the glory.

A hundred thousand divided by three

leaves ten, carry the one...

No, carry the three. Wait. Thirty goes into 90...

Okay, let me just make it easier for you. Just divide by two.

But there's three of us.

What have you got in there, cheese?

Why does Gwildor deserve any of it?

Haven't you noticed that every time he gulls us

into one of his schemes, we're the ones

who end up risking our hides?

If we run, we can get to the gold in the cave before he does.

But he has the mirror. But we have the Sword.

With which we conk him the minute he gets there.

And then we split up the treasure

and the money from the Sword,

and never have to lay eyes on each other ever again.

Best part of all.

MAN: Halt.

I'll take the Sword, Seeker.

I'm not the Seeker.

Oh, take it. It's all yours.

Apparently the Seeker's legendary courage is just that:

a legend.

Darken Rahl will have no trouble breaking him

in the dungeons of his palace.

Arrest them, and don't let the Confessor touch you.

But I'm not the Confessor. No.

This is just a disguise. It's a magical one.

When our friend gets here, he'll change us back to who we are.

FRYTSS: We're common thieves. We cheat widows.

We steal pennies out of blind people's cups.

And then we steal the cups.

We stole the Treasure of Ixwood.

Silence. Gag them, and gag them well.

If I hear one squeak, it's your head.

( dramatic theme playing)

My love.

Oh, I found you. Last night was

the most wonderful night of my life.

I... She... I never saw her before.

Did you find anybody? No, but it looks like you did.

Whoever you are, I'm very sorry.

You may have met somebody who looks like me, but I'm not him.

I know you don't want the Confessor

to think you've found another. But she'll understand.

Love is never something you have to hide.

That's why I left a note for my husband.

I told him I was running away with you.

MAN: There they are!

I knew you'd lead us straight to these lying thieves,

you faithless wench.

So the legend of the Seeker was a lie all along.

You use your reputation to prey on people's trust and fear,

No, no, no. And then rob them blind.

And it wasn't enough to steal our treasure.

You had to steal my wife.

He didn't steal me. We love each other.

And the Seeker would never steal our treasure.

I'm sure he took it somewhere to keep it safe.

Well, if it's so safe, you tell us where it is.

We don't know where it is.

Someone's using some kind of magic

to make them look exactly like us.

RICHARD: Sir, we don't wanna fight you.

We're after the same people you are.

If you help us find them, we... Silence!

Maybe once the Seeker is dead,

the Confessor will be more cooperative.

(groans)

Run, my love. Run.

MAN: After them!

( action theme playing)

A third of a king's ransom wasn't enough for you.

No, you needed more.

If you were the real Seeker,

you would've sacrificed yourself and let the woman get away.

When a real woman comes along, I'll do just that.

Come here. Come here.

(grunting)

No!

You're not doing this because I look like this, are you?

Oh, if I cared about looks,

do you think I would've picked up

with the likes of you to begin with?

(laughs)

We'll get out of this, Clayre. We've gotten out of worse.

Like the time we were doing

the kidnapped sister in Glensborough.

And the duke walked in while I was changing my wig.

And threw us into the dungeon with that ogre.

Who smelled like rotting monkeys.

None of which would've happened

if you hadn't taken it upon yourself

to deflower the duke's daughter.

Have you ever met a woman who you didn't think

would look better with her knickers on the bedpost?

Clayre. Oh, don't even try.

I'd have to be a few tomatoes short of a salad

to go down that garden path again.

I don't know about you, but I am getting out of this dung heap.

Hello? Anyone out there?

( dramatic theme playing)

We lost them.

Except every citizen in Ixwood is going to be looking for us.

We need to get them their treasure back

before the story spreads of the Seeker being a thief

and the Confessor being his accomplice.

Except we have no idea which way the imposters went.

Or if they even look like us.

If ever there was a time we needed Zedd...

Maybe he's at the tavern by now.

Let's find out.

I can't believe, after fighting legions of D'Harans,

Mord-Sith, and Rahl himself,

I lose the Sword of Truth to a couple of petty criminals.

I mean, has the Seeker ever lost the Sword before?

Kahlan.

Don't worry. We'll get it back.

Drinks for everybody.

I've captured the Seeker and the Confessor.

You heard the gentleman. Rum all around, from the good bottle.

A word with you in private, barmaid?

Of course.

I know that you and your gentleman friend Gwildor

have been harboring the Seeker and the Confessor.

Lies. People will say anything in this town.

What I don't know is where this Gwildor is.

Well, that makes two of us. I haven't seen him in days.

I have instruments in my stockade,

very, very sharp ones,

that could have you singing quite a different song.

Look, you can carve me to bits,

I still won't know where he is.

Then there's only one way you can save yourself.

(squeals)

Get your hands off me.

I belong to another.

You know, it's not often a man can be absolutely certain

of the faithfulness of his beloved.

(laughter)

Oh, my God. You...

You could kill a woman giving her a fright like that.

What have you been up to?

Changing into a D'Haran captain

and capturing the Seeker and the Confessor.

Or, should I say, two petty thieves,

who, at the moment, resemble them most remarkably.

Oh, poor, poor Frytss and Clayre.

Oh, this wouldn't have anything to do

with collecting a rather sizable reward, now, would it?

You brilliant woman. How did you guess?

I've sent word to Darken Rahl.

Tomorrow morning, a Mord-Sith will take the Seeker

and the Confessor to his dungeons,

little suspecting that she's paying a million pieces of gold,

for a sorry pair of imposters.

Oh. After which you and I will proceed

to a certain cave in the forest.

Where Frytss and Clayre will not, alas,

be on hand to collect their share of the treasure.

Leaving us to bear that burden all by ourselves.

(giggles)

Tell me, where's the D'Haran captain himself?

Retired on his pension, I believe,

at the bottom of a well.

(giggles)

I need you to hold on to this.

I don't want a Mord-Sith anywhere near it.

Wise, wise thinking, my love.

Just one favor.

Change back into the captain first?

I warn you, he's heavily armed.

Oh, you know I like a well-equipped soldier.

Come on.

Oh, sorry, we're closing.

MAN: Seeker. Confessor.

Richard. Kahlan. Thank the Spirits you're safe.

Bianca, can we? Of course.

Have you seen Zedd? Not yet.

What's going on? And how did you escape?

We were never caught.

Someone's impersonating us.

Who? And how is that even possible?

That's what we need to find out.

If people are saying that the Seeker and Confessor

have been captured, then the D'Harans

must've caught the imposters.

The nearest D'Haran outpost is three leagues east of here.

We'll get them out.

But don't you realize what a chance this is?

If Darken Rahl thinks he already has you,

then he won't be looking for you.

You should get as far away from here as you can.

No, no. The imposters stole the Treasure of Ixwood.

And the Sword of Truth.

I'm so frightened for you.

Will you at least take one precaution for me?

What precaution?

There was a D'Haran commander in here

bragging that the Mord-Sith and her escort

are coming down the main road.

Take the old goat path. Out the front, left at the well.

It's slower, but at least you'll get there alive.

Thanks. Thank you for your help, Bianca.

No, thank you. And may the Spirits be with you.

( tense theme playing)

I hate to think how many towns those charlatans have raided.

Or how many corsets.

Maybe Bianca is right. We have to get the Sword of Truth back,

but why not let the D'Harans hand the imposters over to Rahl?

I mean, if he thinks that he's captured

the Seeker and Confessor, he would stop looking for us.

Rahl's too smart to be fooled by them.

He'll realize they're frauds.

At least they'll be in his dungeon.

They won't be able to steal from anyone else.

Rahl's not going to let them rot in his dungeon.

He wanted you alive so he could break you.

Force you to kneel before him

as an example to those that follow.

Now he has that.

He could force them to say and do whatever he wanted.

Make them swear their allegiance to the House of Rahl.

The people of the Midlands would believe it.

As far as they would know,

the Seeker and Confessor wouldn't be fighting for them.

They'd be fighting for Rahl.

(crickets chirping)

You.

There.

Turnkey.

Do they really expect me to eat this slop?

If you brought me some of those luscious, juicy muttonchops

I saw the officers eating,

I could make you

very glad that you did.

Oh, what's the problem?

Oh.

Is it those stories you've heard about Confessors,

and the terrible things that they can do to a man?

That's all just made up to scare you.

No, it isn't that.

Hm?

This one's yours, love crumpet.

What?

I know how excited you get around leather and chains,

but are Darken Rahl's torture chambers

really a better alternative?

( mellow theme playing)

(chuckling)

MAN: Captain! Captain!

The prisoners have escaped!

(bell chiming)

( action theme playing)

What? Where are you going?

As far away from here as I can get.

What? Those idiots have escaped.

When the Mord-Sith discovers I've let

the Seeker and the Confessor get away,

I'll be fish food.

Give me the mirror. Change me back right now.

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. This...

This might actually play into our hands.

How?

Darling, I was coming here to tell you

that Richard and Kahlan are on their way here now

to free Frytss and Clayre.

You grab them when they get here, then

And when the Mord-Sith arrives, I deliver the real thing.

Yeah. But what about the gold in the cave?

You know, Frytss and Clayre must be halfway there by now.

You're a D'Haran captain. Send a quad after them.

With orders to kill. There's my boy.

Go back to the tavern. Pack your things.

I'll come for you tonight.

A million gold pieces richer.

When Gwildor gets here, we hide behind the rock, knock him out,

grab the amulet and run.

What if he's ready for that? What if he knocks us out?

I say we take off right now.

You do what you like.

I'm not running around the countryside

with this bull's-eye on.

Fine. Gwildor is all yours.

You're not scared of Gwildor.

You're just not ready to give up those rippling muscles.

MAN: A story to tell with pride, boys:

the day you saw the Seeker and the Confessor die in agony.

You want a story to tell with pride?

Promise you'll let us go on our way,

and the Seeker here will be more than happy

to finish what I was so rude to interrupt.

What?

Show no mercy.

Richard. Kahlan.

Thank all the Spirits in creation I found you in time.

Yes, thank them indeed.

I was on my way to the tavern to meet you,

but the town was all abuzz with the news

that the Seeker had been captured.

So I followed these D'Harans, and...

What's all this?

Well, we're just keeping it safe

for the good people of Ixwood.

Yeah, the nasty D'Harans

were about to seize every bit of it.

Well, we'll have to take it straight back

to the good people of Ixwood and be on our way

before the nasty D'Harans seize every bit of us.

Absolutely. Instantly.

But there's no reason to drag yourself all the way to Ixwood.

We'll just trot the gold right over there

and meet you at the crossroads.

Meet me at the crossroads. Good plan.

Like we did that time in... Oh, where was it? Missenthal.

Missenthal. Yeah.

That's right.

Seeing as the town of Missenthal

was brought into being three seconds ago,

I'll make sure the gold gets back to Ixwood.

And you'll tell me who you are

and what you've done with my friends.

KAHLAN: It's not well-guarded. That's lucky.

You know what Zedd says:

"A man who trusts in luck better have plenty of it."

(men screaming)

I suggest you save a little fight for the Mord-Sith.

And how does this amulet work?

Well, if I can get somebody to look into it,

the reflection stays inside.

Yeah, then if they get you to look into it...

I could turn you into them.

Montressor's Mirror.

Created by a sorcerer who wanted to capture the image

of his beloved dying wife and then have her with him always.

It's been lost for centuries.

Well, Gwildor found it.

The way I heard it, he won it at cards.

Yeah, this is Gwildor's fault. He pulled us into this.

I only went along with it because pork-brains here

swore that we were gonna be aiding

the true Seeker in his quest.

Gwildor's her friend, not mine.

And for a few tots of rum, she could be your friend too.

Oh...

You...

How did this Gwildor manage to capture

the real Richard and Kahlan's reflections?

When they came through a few weeks ago,

Gwildor's lady friend tricked them

into looking into the mirror.

She just gave them a shave and a bath. She's a tavern keeper.

Her name's... Bianca.

And we thought she was a friend.

If she's not your friend anymore,

that means she's your enemy.

And seeing as she's our enemy too,

that makes us all friends, right?

In the broadest possible sense.

Well, then, friend, we're glad we could help you,

and we'll just be on our way, then.

Not so fast.

Whoa! Whoa!

The curtain has not yet fallen on your performance.

Zedd.

Going somewhere?

You shouldn't sneak in like that.

You could scare a person to death.

Richard and Kahlan have been looking for you.

Thank the Spirits we found each other.

I've just freed them from the D'Harans.

Freed them. That's wonderful.

Don't even try, Bianca.

Did you think you could fool a Wizard of the First Order?

I want the magic mirror,

so when I find the imposters you created,

I can change them back to their sorry selves before

they heap even more infamy on the Seeker's good name.

If you give me the tiniest clue as to what you're talking about,

perhaps I can help you.

Would a touch of the Confessor's hand

be clue enough?

Well, how do I know she's not an imposter?

How do you...?

There's only one way to find out.

Are you willing to risk it?

I'd love to have you as my willing slave, Bianca.

All the things I'd have you do for me.

No, take it, take it, take it.

And may it bring you less trouble than it's brought me.

Where's Gwildor?

He's at the D'Haran camp,

posing as a captain of the guards.

And what about Richard and Kahlan? Where are they?

You mean they're not...? Hello, Bianca.

You're looking well for someone who just

stabbed a knife in the back of every friend she has.

Yeah.

Where are the real

Seeker and Confessor?

They've probably fallen into the trap that Gwildor set for them.

The Mord-Sith may have already come

to take them to Darken Rahl.

Please, please let me go. That's all I know.

That's all the help I can give you.

Oh, no, Bianca. I feel certain you have much,

much more to give.

The gold?

Lord Rahl insists upon delivery of the captives

to the People's Palace before the reward is paid.

He's been disappointed too many times.

If you want the gold, you'll have to come with us.

It will be my honor

to personally present the captives to Lord Rahl.

His gratitude would be even greater

if you delivered the Wizard as well.

And where might the Wizard be,

Seeker?

Wait. You have been fooled, mistress.

These are the real Seeker and Confessor.

The ones you've got there are imposters,

and so is he.

He's nothing but a common thief, disguising himself with magic.

And I can prove it.

No.

No! No!

How could you betray me?

BIANCA: And now to unmask his accomplices.

I don't know who you are,

I don't know what kind of magic you have,

and I don't know who's real and who is not.

So I'm gonna take you all to Darken Rahl

and let him sort it out.

He's rather good at that.

Take them.

( tense theme playing)

( tense theme playing)

GWILDOR: Death isn't good enough for you.

Having your head crushed between stones

while rats gnaw your feet to the ankles

is barely good enough for you.

(muffled shouting)

WOMAN: Zeddicus Zu'l Zorander.

What did I do to deserve such good fortune?

He's setting a trap for you.

Of course he is. Some feeble attempt to rescue his friends.

Which is why I'm going to walk into the trap alone.

The one person in the world

a Wizard can't use his powers against is a Mord-Sith.

Hm?

(whispers): Zedd?

In a manner of speaking.

What about me? Shh!

(muffled shouting)

(screaming)

Run!

Gwildor!

Gwildor!

Catch them.

I'm sorry, mistress. There are so many of them.

And I can't run. But at least you have the Wizard.

Cold comfort when the prize was the Seeker.

But better than no comfort at all.

I'm not the Wizard.

I'm Bianca, the tavern keeper.

The Wizard bewitched me and tied me up

to lure you away from the prisoners.

Oh, Gwildor, it's me.

Tell it to Lord Rahl.

(sobbing)

(panting)

You all right?

You're not Kahlan.

Hey, there's nobody around, Seeker.

Your dream could come true. No price to pay.

Why would you wanna do that?

Story to tell my grandchildren.

Who knows? They might be your grandchildren.

Don't you find me desirable?

Yes.

Which is why you'd better stop.

You may be the one true Seeker, but you're not very much fun.

Ever the fast worker, aren't you?

How anyone gets around with these things on them

is entirely beyond me.

Zedd.

Well, thank you for everything.

We won't take any more of your time. Bye-bye.

Leave them.

We're just gonna let them get away?

We don't have time to take them to the nearest constable.

And they don't have this.

That's gonna be a very useful thing to have around.

I'm not so sure about that.

Sometimes I think there's entirely

too much magic in the world.

(chuckles)

Well, drop me a note,

if you ever learn how to write your name.

I'll address it "Care of: Any Tavern, Anyplace, Anytime."

To think when I met you,

I had a few pieces of gold in my pocket

and a shred of dignity.

For the rest of my life, on this day,

I will celebrate the anniversary

of seeing your face for the very last time ever.

(horse neighing)

(both grumble)

Silver spurs. Gold bridle.

A Winterhaven Double-Cross, wouldn't you say?

With a Trollsbridge variation.

(screams)

Please. Please, kind sir. My wife has fallen ill.

Maybe we should've come along a little later.

Given you and Clayre some time together.

I'm not interested in her.

Don't you think she's pretty?

Why do I get the feeling

there's nothing I can say right now

that isn't going to get me in trouble?

You're growing in wisdom every day, my boy.

Don't despair, my darling. I love you.

At least we'll always have each other.

Gwildor, it's me.

Gwildor...

( upbeat majestic theme playing)