Original subtitles

Hey, barn.

How's it going?

Well, I got my desk cleaned up.

A lot of stuff piles up In seven and a half years.

A lot of memories, too.

Yeah.

What do we got here?

It's wallace lowell, barn.

He's a crew foreman, Consolidated edison.

Mr. Lowell, I'm captain miller.

What's this world coming to?

What happened?

Someone stole one of Mr. Lowell's manhole covers.

Yeah, when I got to Work this morning,

It was gone, and That ain't the first.

Yes, this makes the 15th Manhole cover stolen

In the last two weeks.

Right. Got it.

Barn, alarm went off... Drug company on houston.

Oh?

Hmm?

You and wojo.

But I wanted to work on the Manhole covers with ronnie.

All right, I'll put a lid on it.

Ho ho ho ho.

It's the last day. I Want to use them up.

Don't forget your aqua velva.

I was gonna leave It for the next guy.

How thoughtful.

Anyway, barn, I've been, uh...

I've been thinking about This manhole-cover case.

Yeah?

Yeah, the possible motives Are rather intriguing.

I mean, it could just be some Disgruntled city employee

Who either got Fired or laid off.

That's possible.

It also occurred to me That it might be some guy

With a psychosexual hang-up...

You know, a fixation On round objects

With heavy-metal overtones.

That would be interesting.

Oh, god, I hope so.

Thousands and Thousands of people.

Well, talk fast.

We got to be out Of here by 6:00.

Wojo: hey, barn.

What do we got?

This is carl ebling.

We picked him up in one Of the research labs

Over at willard pharmaceuticals.

He was trying to Make off with this.

He says it's a box of cultures.

They're mine. I Grew them myself.

There's two years Of work in there.

See, we keep them in Dry ice so they won't die.

See, he says that he's Close to developing a drug

That will cure this disease.

Myoclonus. It's a neurological Muscular disorder.

- you familiar with it? - no.

Of course not. Only 50,000 people have it.

But that's not big enough For willard pharmaceutical,

Not a big enough Market for them.

They're only after The big bucks...

Diet pills, tranquilizers.

If I came up with a pill for Herpes, they'd kiss me for it.

Well, I'm afraid we're Gonna have to hold you.

Have a seat, mr. Ebling.

Don't you people care?

We're not Unsympathetic, mr. Ebling,

But, uh... You caught Us at a bad time.

Yeah. Sorry.

Have a seat, please.

Sure.

Olé!

♪ tall and tan, Young and handsome ♪

♪ the boy from Ipanema goes dancing ♪

♪ and when... ♪ ha ha!

Hiya, boys. Look Who's back, huh?

Well, look at the honeymooner.

We didn't expect to See you back so soon.

Oh, well, I wasn't about to Miss the last gasp of the old 1-2.

Barn, it's, uh... Downtown.

I'll take it in my office.

Yeah, sure.

He'll be right with you.

So, inspector, how Were the poconos?

Poconos? Oh, no, We didn't go, har.

- oh? - nah.

Perlita wanted to go someplace More like home, you know?

So I took her to haiti.

Ah. Club med?

Hmm?

Uh, excuse me.

Yeah, right. Got it.

That was dispatch.

Some jerk's trying to make off

With a manhole Cover over on liberty.

Oh, uh, come on. Let's go, levitt.

What's the rush?

I said move.

Levine.

Where's harris and levitt?

Oh, they went out on a Manhole-cover caper.

So what do you got?

I got our transfer orders.

Okay, where are we going?

Dietrich, 34th precinct, Washington heights.

Harris, 107th precinct, Flushing meadows.

Wojciehowicz, Roosevelt island...

K-9 corps.

Levitt, 73rd precinct, brooklyn.

So much for carpooling.

I don't want to Join the k-9 corps.

Wojo.

I thought...

I thought they were Gonna keep us together.

Just move us to a nicer building

With electric typewriters And a view out the air shaft.

That's what you said.

- I was wrong. - oh, really?

Gentlemen.

I think we're overlooking The real problem here.

What?

Who tells harris he's Going to flushing meadows?

Oh...

Excuse me, is this the Detective squad room?

Dietrich: yeah.

Come on. You're on the clock.

I'm captain miller. Can I help you?

Yes, I'm warren gimble, Willard pharmaceutical.

I'm here in regard to Our former mr. Ebling.

So they sent you, huh, warren?

Just couldn't leave well Enough alone, could you, carl?

There are 50,000 people

That aren't well Enough to be left alone!

I don't know how To respond to that.

Oh, yeah, sure!

I just don't understand him.

Want to have a seat, mr. Gimble?

Sergeant wojciehowicz will Give you a complaint to sign,

And mr. Ebling will Be remanded for trial.

Trial?

Yeah, my trial, where I Let the whole world know

That willard pharmaceutical Doesn't give a damn!

We do give a damn.

That's why we may consider Not pressing charges.

You're not getting Off that easy.

If you want me to keep quiet,

I want some cooperation On this thing, warren.

I told you, carl, it's Just too big a gamble.

But if someone doesn't Take the gamble, gimble,

More people are Gonna get this stuff.

That's true.

Sure. Why, by the time They get it past the fda

And out on the market, We could have an epidemic.

- hey! - hey!

It could be.

I mean, with a little luck

And illegal immigration Being what it is,

We'd probably at Least break even,

Maybe even make a few dollars.

Let's keep a good thought.

I'll see you back at the lab, And bring those cultures.

Wojo, you want to Turn mr. Ebling loose?

Sure. Why not?

Come on. You...

You talk about how... How We don't accomplish anything.

Want to pick up your stuff?

I mean, look at this.

We may just have saved Thousands of lives.

Still got to go to k-9 corps.

Probably get stuck With some old bitch.

Get out of my way. I've got momentum.

All right, come on, Jackson. Just keep moving.

Hey, no big deal.

Yeah, I know that.

What's going on?

Barn, this is melvin jackson.

We caught up with him about Four blocks from the intersection,

Carrying that thing In a shopping cart.

He already admitted To stealing the other 15.

Why?

He sells them to junk dealers.

Yeah, they give me 12 Bucks apiece for them.

Really?

Hey, but this guy keeps On asking me questions

Like it's got something To do with my sex life.

I mean, what can You get for $12?

Hey, take a seat, Right over there.

Ain't no big thing.

Yeah, right. Come on.

- harris. - hmm?

Our new assignments came down.

Oh, uh, really?

You're going to The 107th precinct.

Flushing meadows.

Oh, come on, really.

Report to captain russo.

I quit.

Harris.

Barney, look... I Do not need this.

I mean, I do not Need these yahoos

With their manhole covers,

And I certainly do Not need queens.

I mean, I am an attractive And talented individual.

And if that's what They're gonna do,

Then now's the time For me to dump this job

And do what I was Meant to do... Write!

That's the way you feel?

That's the way I feel.

Then that's what I Think you should do.

My culture is dying.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Well, we're supposed To be out by 6:00.

I got a few things to drop off.

I should be home by... 6:30.

No.

No, don't make anything special.

All right.

I'll see you then. Bye.

Barn, I think you Better come out here.

Oh, there he is.

Surprise, captain!

- hey, barn! - hi, captain!

Hello, everyone.

Hello...

And goodbye, captain.

Marty. Mr. Driscoll.

Captain.

Bruno. Mrs. Bender.

Ray! Good to see you, ray.

- mr. Belinkoff. - oh!

Oh, mr. Roth.

Captain!

Yeah, yeah.

Does he look surprised?

Yessiree, bob.

Mr. Duncan.

Hi.

I'm out on bail.

What is going on here?

What do you think is Going on, miller, huh?

We're here to say Thanks for deserting us.

Take it easy, bruno.

Hey!

Captain, we just Wanted to stop by

And say thanks to all of You for what you've done,

Not just for marty And myself... Excuse me.

But for the whole neighborhood.

You guys are the best!

Amen.

Hey, butch up.

Show him what we brought.

Oh, yeah, sure. Just give me a sec.

Hey, uh, I'm really gonna Miss you guys... Sort of.

Oh, isn't that gorgeous?

I had this thing laying Around my store.

Bowling?

Yeah.

Read the inscription, bruno.

- you telling me what to do? - I'm just suggesting!

I'll read it.

"To the men of The 12th precinct...

"Captain barney miller, Sergeant ronald harris,

Sergeant arthur dietrich, Sergeant stanley wojciehowicz.

Thanks."

We ran out of room.

So what?

Uh, listen, I think it's great.

I really think it's great. Thank you all very much.

- all right! - okay!

As long as you're all Here, let's have a party.

There's coffee for everybody.

Having a little Bon voyage party?

Aha, and you wore Your party hat.

Well, what brings You down, lieutenant?

I know it's your last day.

I just thought I'd Drop by and say hello

And share a few Memories with you guys.

Bowling?

Why not?

What can I do for you, scanlon?

Hey, I'm not exactly a stranger Around here, you know...

I mean, always dropping In, snooping around,

Trying to get you guys On improper conduct...

Insubordination... Moral turpitude...

Graft...

Corruption.

Hey, we've had a lot of Good times together, huh?

I'm really gonna Miss them, scanlon.

Yeah, sure.

Hey, don't let me intrude.

Certainly not.

Anyway... I guess I'll Just head back downtown.

Nice of you to drop in.

Oh, and before I Forget to mention it...

My heartiest congratulations On making deputy inspector.

What?

What do you mean, what?

You didn't know?

No, I didn't.

Hey, barn.

All: congratulations!

All right, barn!

And I had to be The one to tell him?

I think they mean it.

It's getting about that time.

If you guys got anything You want to clean up,

Better get at it.

Yeah, sure.

Inspector, you all right?

Oh, yeah. Fine, barney, fine.

Just got a little Misty-eyed, you know,

Reliving some of Them golden moments

From years gone by.

You know, barney, it Seems just like yesterday

I was sitting here, Me and forrester...

Kleiner... Old brownie.

Oh, god, barney.

I don't want to be married!

I can't keep up.

Mail call!

She came in the mail.

Barney: well, if it Isn't mrs. Luger.

Hello, sweetheart.

Nice to see you.

Thank you.

I didn't mean to interrupt.

Quite all right, Quite all right.

Are you just about Ready to go, frank?

In a minute, sweetheart.

Here... For the living room.

Barney, here's your Official orders for your men,

And that's for you, levine.

For the last time, Inspector luger,

It's levitt... Officer Carl e. Levitt.

Correction.

Sergeant carl e. Levitt.

Pardon me?

You're to report To captain murtaugh,

Detective squad, 73rd precinct.

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

All right, levitt. Congratulations.

Thanks, harris. Thank you, sir.

- woj. - congratulations, carl.

Barn, I, uh...

I guess there's not much Left to say, except, uh...

Gentlemen...

I salute you.

Thanks a lot, inspector.

Goodbye, captain miller. Goodbye, everybody.

Please come to see us sometime.

Yeah, yeah. Yes, yes.

Yeah, please come And see us sometime.

Well, gentlemen...

According to my calculations...

The 12th precinct Has ceased to exist.

I can take a hint.

You coming with us?

Uh, no.

I got some things to clean up.

Oh, okay.

Well, look, everybody, take Care of yourselves, huh?

We'll see you guys.

Should we, uh... Should We try that again?

There's really Nothing left to say.

Well, how do you know?

I mean, you're always Deciding stuff for us.

I mean, maybe I got Something to say.

Okay.

Say it.

Well, let me think a minute.

While wojo's thinking, uh...

I'd just like to say that, um...

I mean, come on, cops get Transferred all the time.

I mean, it's no big deal.

But I-I-I think it's been Different with us.

Something really Special happened here.

I don't know if I Ever mentioned this...

But I was raised by wolves.

That's why I always felt Kind of funny around people.

But you guys made me feel Like I was part of something.

And I love you guys.

Thank you, arthur.

Okay, I'm ready.

Uh... We're not Getting split up.

I mean, we're...

We're going to different places,

And... And we may not See each other again.

But I think each of us

Got something special From each other.

And we're gonna nurture it

And... Carry it with us For the rest of our lives.

God, he is so much improved.

My, yes.

Bye, barn.

Good luck, barney.

Captain... I, uh...

Goodbye, sir.

Come on, little sergeant.

Hey, puertorriqueño, man.

I didn't know you Were puerto rican.

Because you're so embarrassing.

You know what I feel like When I hear somebody screaming

"Help! Police! Call the cops! Somebody's getting killed!"

And I find a puerto rican

Beating the hell Out of some whitey?

Like I ought to pull Out my piece and say,

"Hold on, there, Hands in the air.

Police officer," because I'm so embarrassed.

Yes, bernice, I realize This is the first time

Since we're married We've slept apart.

The change will do us both good.

Wentworth: you didn't rob That theater, did you?

Yes, I did. I give you my word.

How much... How Much did you get?

- $268. - wrong!

$312?

You know what you are?

Wentworth.

You're a...

Barney: you gonna Use that water?

It's rainwater, the Best kind there is.

Some people wash Their hair in it.

It's just come Through the ceiling,

That moldy, Termite-infested ceiling.

That filters out the impurities.