Original subtitles

Okay, mr. Krebs... Uh, bingo.

Okay. Bingo.

You want to tell me Exactly what happened?

Well, I was at my usual corner,

Riding a unicycle Around in circles

And balancing a Custard pie on a stick?

Juggling a couple of bananas

When this guy comes Up to me and he says,

"Hey, bozo. You got the time?"

- uh-huh. - I said to him, "Sure!"

Next thing I know, I'm Sprawled out on the sidewalk

And he's halfway down the street

With my thank-you dish.

Got away with nearly 50 bucks.

I see.

Hey! How come you Didn't chase after him

In your little car?

Come on, you know, the one With you and all the other clowns

Kind of crammed inside?

I don't drive.

Oh.

Pretty quiet. It's After midnight.

Yeah. It sure is.

What are you working on?

Crime statistics.

You need any help?

No, thanks. I got it.

What are you doing?

Looking for some Leads on those, uh...

Warehouse break-ins.

Sounds real interesting.

It's very exciting.

Want to call luger? And hang up?

- let me think about it. - all right.

Oh, uh, barney?

William krebs, a.K.A. Bingo.

What's happening with the world?

I'm not sure, mr. Krebs.

He was, um, he was mugged

While entertaining a Crowd of moviegoers

Outside the tivoli Theater over on houston.

Sounds like our man, huh?

What man?

I'm afraid you were the Third clown to be assaulted

In this precinct in The last two weeks.

I didn't have the Heart to say it.

Uh, well...

They also got a Mime and a juggler,

Couple of one-man bands.

You mean there's some guy Running around out there

Who only picks On people like me?

I'm afraid so.

Everybody loves A clown... Right?

Right?

Show him the mug books.

Barn?

Got a disturbance in a Cafeteria over on christopher.

You and dietrich.

- hey, dietrich. - hmm.

- we got a call. - oh, boy.

Midnight mail call.

Shh!

It wasn't gonna walk up.

I like your outfit.

Yeah, right.

Uh, got it.

Uh, barney, looks like we Got a wild party in progress

Over at the greenwich hotel, You know, booze and hookers.

Take levitt.

Oh, thank you, sir.

A problem, gentlemen?

Well, harris gets the Party and the clown.

Get outta here.

It's all right. We'll call luger.

Is this coffee just for cops?

Help yourself.

Thanks.

I suppose you're wondering How I became a clown.

Uh, actually, I...

Believe it or not, I used To be a claims adjuster

For an insurance company.

Week in and week Out filling out forms,

Measuring dents, Having to talk with people

Who were basically Very unhappy, just like me.

I can imagine.

And then one morning, I woke up.

I quit my job. I left my Wife and my three kids.

And I became this...

Bingo, the clown who Brings joy and laughter

To a world hungry for both.

On behalf of the Entire planet, thank you.

Okay, mr. Landry, Right this way, please.

I hope you guys realize You have ruined my party.

Oh, that's okay. You Can cry if you want to.

You would cry, too, If it happened to you.

I got the album.

What album?

Uh, sir, this is Mr. Andrew landry.

Charges include Disturbing the peace,

Destruction of private property,

And solicitation Of prostitution.

Why, you must be barney.

I heard a lot about You in the car.

What happened?

Well, when we got to the Hotel, uh, the night clerk

Led us directly to, uh, Mr. Landry's hospitality suite.

Well, we found old landry, here.

He was hosting a stag film,

While, uh, assorted trollops Served cocktails to the guests

And, um, the food fight just Raged on in the master bedroom.

Apparently the first Pizza roll was hurled

When the boys from bed-stuy Accused manhattan south

Of being a pansy precinct.

There were cops there?

Yeah, about 30 of them, Including, uh, these two.

Well, barn, you see, Um, uh, mr. Landry here...

He's, uh, in town representing The burgeoning metropolis

Of mesa city, new mexico.

He's, um, he's trying to find Himself a police department.

A police recruiter, sir.

Thank you, levitt.

I'm sorry if things got a Little out of hand, captain,

But you know how cops Get after a couple of drinks.

No, I don't.

Oh.

Well, then maybe You'd like to sit down

And have a chat Over a cup of coffee.

Mr. Landry, you don't...

You see, captain, mesa city

Is not just on the Lookout for patrolmen.

Mr. Landry...

We also have several High-paying positions of leadership

Available for men In command positions.

Book him.

Whoo!

Uh, mr. Landry.

I like him.

Oh, no. He's... He's spoken for.

- oh? - yeah.

You want to just, uh...

But, now, he's available.

Now, the thing is, sergeant, Mesa city offers a unique blend

Of social and Cultural opportunities

That is tailor-made for The young man on the go.

Hmm. And you're Going in the cage.

I mean, we have Our own symphony,

The jubilee dinner Theater and ballet,

Several prominent Art galleries, a rodeo.

Oh, yahoo.

Inside.

But, uh, but on a more Personal note, sergeant,

As a minority member,

Your opportunities in regard To community leadership

And rapid advancement Within the department

Are virtually limitless.

So I'd be it, huh?

Well, I'll have to check that.

Mm-hmm.

Sir, you wanted to see me?

Uh, yes, levitt. Come in. Come in.

Sit down.

Sit down, sir?

Yeah.

Thank you.

It's my mother, isn't it? Huh?

My deaf sister.

Levitt, levitt, take It easy. Take it easy.

It's just about The medal of valor.

Oh?

Yeah, I, uh, I opened the mail.

I came across this letter From the citation board.

Was the, uh, medal Enclosed, sir?

You're not getting The medal, carl.

They turned you down.

Didn't you tell them I Saved the life of a small boy

At considerable risk to my own?

Well aware of that.

Oh.

Well, then, did they Offer a particular reason,

Or are they just Kissing me off for kicks?

I'll read you exactly What they wrote.

"Board acknowledges That the actions

"Taken by officer carl Levitt on november 12, 1981,

"Were noteworthy,

"Well in keeping with the High level of excellence

"Maintained by the new York city police department.

However, request denied."

Well, that Certainly explains it.

Wojo: get inside. Get inside. Get inside.

Shut your mouth.

Hey, a clown. Is he for us?

Stick with your party.

What with my nebulous Status to begin with, and now...

Excuse me.

Uh, there's something out here I think you should know about.

Excuse me, levitt.

It's okay, sir.

I'll just sit here quietly and Maintain my level of excellence.

All right, what do we got?

Gilbert doyle, edward Crenshaw, and vincent royer.

Your boys didn't even Let us finish our dinner.

Me too.

Barn, when we got To the cafeteria,

There was about 20 of These creeps going crazy

In the food line, Stealing trays,

Not paying for them, Tipping over tables,

Pushing people around.

Hey, we were celebrating.

What were you celebrating?

We just got out of jail.

Today? Tonight.

Tonight?

An hour ago.

It's 2:00 in the morning.

They woke me up.

Uh, barney, there's An assault in progress

At the magnolia Theater over on 3rd.

That's mr. Jingles' corner.

All right. You and, uh...

I'll go, sir. Thank you, levitt.

And when I get back, you can Begin to process my resignation.

I'm quite sure They'll approve that.

Landry: uh, excuse me.

Okay, cowboy, you got a deal.

Great.

Levitt. Levitt!

All right, let's Get on with this.

What's with these guys?

What's with levitt?

Wojo.

Barn, you must Have done something.

I didn't do anything!

They turned down his medal.

Oh, you're kidding.

What medal?

Can we get on with this, please?

Yeah, sure. Okay.

According to these guys, they Were all doing time at rikers

Until about midnight tonight,

When the guards came up and Told them to pack their gear.

The buses were waiting.

It was really weird.

I mean, I'm relaxing in my cell,

Fighting with this dope Dealer over my blanket.

Next thing I know, boom, I'm being piled in a bus

With 100 other cons.

They dumped us on wall street.

It was madison, fruit ball.

Oh.

I saw a wall.

That's when a bunch of them

Decided to Celebrate bastille day

By wrecking the cafeteria.

When we got there, They all scattered.

These were the only Three we could grab.

Yeah, lucky us.

All right, let's start Processing them.

Dietrich, get on To rikers island.

See if you can find Out what's happening.

Right. Vinny, come on.

Does this mean I have To finish my sentence?

Hey, man, shut up.

Your what?

Well, I could be wrong,

But according to my Calendar, I should still be in jail.

Me too.

Really?

Well, I had only about Three months to go.

Dietrich.

I'm on it, barn.

All right, woj.

All right, get over to the Desk. Put out your valuables.

We know the procedure.

Then get on it.

Barn?

Uh, this thing with levitt.

Oh, wojo, please. Not now.

Okay, then who is this guy?

Andrew landry, Land of enchantment.

You, uh... You like turquoise?

Excuse me.

So then, around '65, I Couldn't make up my mind

Whether I wanted to go Straight into med school

Or work in a hospital first, Get some practical experience.

Uh-huh.

So I robbed a shoe Store and bought drugs.

Yeah. That's great.

Uh, got statements From doyle and crenshaw,

Slapped them in the cage.

I put in that call to rikers.

The guy should be Coming down soon.

All right.

Something else?

Yeah, well... Yeah, well...

Thinking about, uh, levitt... The medal and all that.

Yeah.

It's all politics, isn't it?

Yeah, that's what it is.

You think he's gonna quit?

I don't know.

How about that Libyan hit team, huh?

I'm just trying to Lighten things up.

Can I help you?

Uh, gordon kaiser, new york City department of corrections.

Did you call me?

I did.

I'm sergeant dietrich.

Sergeant, gordon kaiser,

New york city department Of corrections.

Right. You know Any of these guys?

Well, let's take a look.

Well, you know, I really Can't be sure. I just woke up.

Hold on. I'll get the captain.

Hi, mr. Kaiser.

What the hell are You doing in there?

Wrecked a restaurant.

What? It happens.

But you promised Me you'd be good.

You'd get on a Bus and disappear.

Aw, how about that?

Mr. Kaiser, I'm captain miller.

Captain miller, it's a pleasure.

Well, what seems To be the problem?

Well, according To these gentlemen,

They were yanked Out of jail, put on a bus,

And dumped in the Middle of manhattan.

Ah. Ah. That's true.

That's true, but not Entirely accurate.

Uh, could we talk Somewhere in private?

Uh, excuse me. Excuse me, sergeants.

You guys haven't even Touched my brochure.

Well, we, uh, we've been busy.

Oh. I read mine!

The point is, captain,

What with rikers being so Hopelessly overcrowded as it is,

We decided that it would Be a very innovative concept

To, uh, prune back on our Misdemeanor offenders.

"Prune back"?

You know, uh, granting early Releases to purse snatchers,

Second-story men, Petty thieves, et cetera.

And thereby making Valuable cell space available

For the far more despicable And deserving criminals.

If this is such a Great idea, mr. Kaiser,

Why'd you sneak them out In the middle of the night?

Sentimental reasons.

Look, captain...

Mr. Kaiser, what is It you want of me?

It's no big thing.

If you could just see yourself Clear to let those boys go.

Just ignore the charges?

Just forget about the fact

That they practically Destroyed a restaurant?

Okay.

Captain, I don't think you Fully appreciate my situation.

Now, if this little incident out Here ever leaks to the press,

It will not only Prove embarrassing,

But may jeopardize an Otherwise very progressive

And successful program.

Are you telling me You've done it before?

Maybe.

All right, come on, Duncan. Step inside here.

Weren't you in charge last time?

Just get in here.

That's him. That's the Guy who robbed me.

Hey, you must be mistaking Me for some other clown.

Clown!

Ooh, sorry.

Captain, if you could Just, for a moment,

Put yourself in my shoes.

Wrong size, mr. Kaiser.

What?

Uh, barn.

Yeah?

You, uh, you remember Arthur duncan here.

Back again, duncan?

What was it last time?

Ripping off the salvation Army, wasn't it? Mm-hmm.

And before that, uh...

Assaulting the handicapped.

Right.

So, you're all looking well.

What happened?

Well, when we drove up In front of the theater,

We found arthur here Pinned against the ticket booth

By one mr. Jingles and Woof-woof the wonder dog.

Yeah, a great dane Wearing a derby...

Very funny.

So you're up to clowns Now, huh, duncan?

Well, I can't help it.

My... My father never Took me to the circus.

Well, maybe it Was the boat show.

Take his statement.

Uh, circus boy, take a Seat over there, huh?

Yeah, sure. Right.

Sir, if you won't be needing Me for anything else. Levitt.

Officer levitt, if you'd Like to get the ball rolling,

You can fill out The job application.

Landry, will you just shut up?!

Um, captain.

Not now, mr. Kaiser, please!

Sir, sir, I don't mind. I Got some paperwork.

Pencil okay?

Landry: fine.

As I was about to say, captain, I just spoke to the boys.

Now, they've given Me every assurance

That if you release Them in my custody,

They promise to Straighten up and fly right.

Barney, I just Checked out the boys.

Two of them, royer and doyle...

They're both Short-time burglars.

This guy on the left, crenshaw,

Knocked off a brink's Truck a month ago.

He's doing 10 years.

What?

Really?

Yeah, I just got in line.

Well, that is a turn of events,

But I see no reason why One slight little oversight

Should deter you from Releasing the other fine men.

Sure, why not?

Wojo, turn them loose.

Who?

All of them.

All of...

All of them! Come On! Turn them loose!

You too, mr. Duncan. You're free to go.

Why not? Why not?!

They're gonna be out of here In a couple of days anyway!

Let's face it, wojo.

All we're doing up here Is spinning our wheels,

Pretending that what We do means something,

And it means nothing!

And why?

Somebody explain Why. Why do we do it?

The respect?

Recognition?

That wonderful feeling Of achievement we get

As we watch a bunch of punks

Laughing their way Through the system?

Sir, if it'll make things any Better around here, I'll stay.

No, levitt, I think You should go.

I really do. I think We should all go.

I think we should all just Pack up and get out of here!

Leave this stinking city to Go to hell in a handbasket,

Because, let's face It, we're in the way!

Barney, I got Dispatch on the line.

About 15 guys just crashed an After-hours club over on 19th.

Really?

Barney, we still here?

Yeah, that's everybody.

All right, we're on our way.

Good for you, barn.

Come on, duncan, Let's go. Get in the cage.

Let's get some cars.

Nice speech, barn.

Harris: come on. Come on.

Sir, you're not getting Rid of me that easy.

I'm gonna go downstairs And grab some uniforms.

Hell in a handbasket?

It's late.

Captain, maybe I better go Down with them just in case.

I'd appreciate that, mr. Kaiser.

I thought you might.

God, you're good.

Thing is, I've already brought so Much happiness and good cheer

To the people of this city,

It occurred to me...

Maybe it's only Fair that I move on

And bring my gift of sunshine To other people in other places.

Uh-huh.

Where'd you say you were from?

Baltimore.

Oh.

We're back.

All right, inside, harris.

- hey. - it's habit.

How'd it go?

Was the same crowd From the cafeteria,

So we, uh, busted in, We rounded them up,

And we headed them out.

I read the brochure.

The, um, paddy wagon took Them all over to manhattan south,

And, uh, mr. Kaiser just Went along for the ride.

Fine.

Look, uh, it's almost The end of the shift.

Uh, why don't you guys Run that bunch downtown

And head on home?

All right.

Uh, sir, I'd like To say something

Before we adjourn into the dawn.

Yes, levitt.

Well, it's just, uh, I Think I speak for all of us

When I say that no Matter how tedious

Or frustrating or unrewarding The job may seem at times,

It's the privilege of Serving under an officer

Of your caliber and dedication

That somehow makes the whole Wacky ball of wax worthwhile.

Right, guys?

Yeah, right, levitt.

I got nothing to add.

I couldn't have said It better myself.