Original subtitles

Morning, dietrich.

Hey, carl, how you feeling?

Oh, everything's going okay...

Except the cold weather Gives me an occasional twinge.

Hey, guess what the Name of that bone is.

The humerus.

Right.

What a guess.

Levitt?

Morning, sir.

What are you doing here?

Oh, just trying to do my bit.

Levitt, I admire Your dedication,

But you were injured In the line of duty,

And you're not due back

Until the department Doctor says so.

The doctor said It was up to me, sir.

I told him I preferred To stay on the line

With you and the Rest of my buddies.

That's very... Warm of you, levitt.

Thank you, sir.

Sir.

Hi, barney.

Harris.

I am really sorry.

I, uh...

I stopped off at This art gallery.

Barn, I had to pick This up or lose it.

Harris, we're gonna have To talk about priorities.

You're absolutely right, barn.

I'm really sorry.

And I would like to Take just this one minute

To apologize to Everyone who's here.

All right, harris.

Barn, it'll never happen Again. All right, all right.

Barney, if you could Spare just one more minute

I... I'd really like You to see this.

All right.

Wait, wait. Don't Look. Don't look.

If you're gonna look at this...

You've got to See it in exactly...

The right light.

It's interesting.

Isn't it?

What is it?

It's a catt.

Where's the head, The tail, and the body?

That's the artist's Name... Andrew catt.

He just signs himself "A. Catt"... Double "T."

This print is called, Simply, "Opus 64."

But what is it?

It's an opus 64.

You remember what Nietzsche said, carl.

"Art has no need of certainty."

The artist may have felt

That the cat had Been there and gone.

A cat has nothing to do with it.

That's just the artist's name.

Yeah, I heard you.

I was just thinking that, uh...

Could have been a self-portrait Of a. Catt, the artist...

After he'd been there and gone.

Barney, what do you think?

Well, uh...

Honestly, I'm not Much of a connoisseur,

And I'm not at all familiar With the works of andrew catt.

Well, I wasn't, either.

It just, uh... Caught my eye.

Of course, the dealer did say

That if I bought an Andrew catt today,

I could double my Money tomorrow.

He's that new?

No, no, no. He's that old.

88, to be exact. He had A coronary last night.

They say he doesn't Stand a chance.

I see.

If he dies, his works will Be that much more valuable.

Probably.

Good luck.

Thanks.

All right, we'll send Somebody there right away.

Captain, domestic Quarrel, husband and wife.

Violent consummation, Assault and battery.

Harris.

Sir.

You and dietrich.

Get right on it.

You know, you may Have something.

A collector could Make a good thing

Checking the obituaries For dead artists

And buying up all their stuff.

Could be.

I remember there Was an artist in the '60s,

Guy named schroeder.

Work used to go for Peanuts. He died in '76.

Yeah?

What's, uh... What's a Schroeder worth now?

Peanuts. Then Why'd you bring it up?

Just seemed apropos.

Look, man, I am a Collector, not a vulture.

I bought this picture Because I like this picture.

And if this old geezer lives, Then that's just his damn luck.

Okay.

Right over here, mr. Koepeknie.

I've got nothing to say.

Well, that's your privilege.

But we're gonna Need some information.

I just want to die.

Sit down and Relax, mr. Koepeknie.

Breaking a window's Not a capital offense.

What the hell was that?

What?

That noise that you...

You been in here Before, mr. Koepeknie?

Yeah.

About, uh... Five years ago?

Yeah.

You thought you were a werewolf.

Yeah.

We sent you to bellevue, yeah?

- yeah. - so...

So they cured me. I'm Not a werewolf anymore.

Then what was that little growl?

The demon.

What demon?

I'm possessed!

Wojo, really!

Yeah, yeah, I know, Barn, but, listen,

I was window-shopping at Siegels department store,

And mr. Koepeknie here threw a Garbage can through the window.

You remember mr. Koepeknie?

He looks familiar.

Yeah, stefan koepeknie.

Stefan... Right. What, uh...

About five years ago.

He, uh... Thought He was a werewolf.

Now he says he's Possessed by a demon.

It's true.

I am.

- harris. - barney.

Something going down?

Something coming up.

Don't rush me.

Mrs. Griswold.

Captain miller.

This is our battered wife?

It's a battered Husband this time.

I'm not hurt, captain.

It's these tight jeans.

If you pardon my asking, What are you wearing them for?

To please roy. He Gave them to me.

You don't think I'd buy These for myself, do you?

Roy griswold is on his way Down to sign a complaint.

He needed a few stitches.

I put a dent in his fat Head with my coffee mug.

It said "Cynthia" on it.

Oh?

My name is norma.

Cynthia's his first wife.

He's always comparing Us, talking about her.

He even put a picture Of her in our bedroom.

She was wearing tight jeans.

She had the figure for it, too.

So did I when I was 12.

That coffee mug this morning...

That was the last straw.

I asked him to buy me one.

He puts her name on it.

Oh, god.

I can't even pace Angry in these!

Harris, you should Have let her change.

But she insisted that you See what provoked the attack.

Mrs. Griswold, I'm afraid There is no such thing

As justifiable assault.

You don't know roy.

Well, that'll be up To a judge to decide.

Sergeant harris is Gonna have to book you.

It was worth it.

Won't you sit down?

You've got to be kidding.

Uh... Mrs. Griswold can stand.

Stitch in time...

Mrs. Griswold, Would you like to, uh...

Why don't... Just stand Right over here, please?

Thank you.

Getting it all down, barn.

Was that a growl?

Yeah.

Uh, mr. Koepeknie? This Is sergeant dietrich.

He believes he's possessed.

How come?

I fell asleep in the Subway last night.

I was alone in the car.

You're lucky.

And then, suddenly I smelled sulphur.

And then I realized I Wasn't alone in the car.

Someone was sitting next to me.

Malevolent eyes, Foul smelling...

Evil incarnate.

There's a lot of people Like that on the subway.

He told me his Name was "Belial."

He put the evil eye on me.

He said that, from now on,

My soul belonged to the devil.

That the demon inside of Me would never let it escape.

That I was to destroy Everything good,

Everything beautiful, Everything sacred.

Mail call.

Pleased to still be of service, Even though I'm off duty.

- sergeant harris. - thank you.

Sergeant dietrich. Looks like Some early christmas cards.

Christmas?

Silent night, holy night!

Peace on earth!

Garbage!

All right, all right!

I'm gonna call the fbi!

Destroying u.S. Mail Is a federal offense!

It's all right, carl.

The devil made him do it.

What?

I'm gonna put you in the Cage now, mr. Koepeknie.

Come on.

What got into him?

Not what... Who.

What a mess.

What was that racket out there?

It's koepeknie.

He, uh... He's Flipping out again.

He's going in the cage now.

Why do they turn Sick people loose?

We just have to Ship them right back.

Well, I'll, uh... I'll call bellevue.

No, wait, wait.

He doesn't want to Go back to the hospital.

He wants to be Exorcised by a priest.

Wonderful.

What is happening with this guy?

Wojo, I don't know. It's None of our business.

Turn it over to bellevue.

This guy is not unique.

Virtually every known Culture has attributed

This type of antisocial behavior

To the invasion of the Body by powerful demons.

'course, I don't Have to tell you that.

No. I saw the movie too.

Is the store pressing charges?

Uh, yeah. But, barn.

He didn't steal anything.

The window he broke Was the nativity scene.

Interesting choice, for somebody

Who thinks he's an Agent of the devil.

Dietrich...

And he says there's This other guy involved...

A guy named belial.

Belial?

Belial, alias abaddon, Beelzebub, lucifer,

Mephistopheles, satan, old nick.

Dietrich, no judge is Gonna buy possession

As a line of defense.

Well, it was just used in a Connecticut murder case.

Really?

You know what they say, barn.

Possession is 9/10 of the law.

Excuse me.

By all means.

Excuse me.

Yours?

Uh... Yes.

You a painter?

No, ma'am.

I'm a writer.

What's it say?

I didn't write this, ma'am,

A painter painted it.

Looks kind of scribbly.

Uh, it's a pen-and-ink Abstraction, ma'am.

You don't say.

May I use the bathroom?

Oh, certainly, ma'am. It's right back there.

It may take a while.

Oh, I understand.

Thank you.

Take your time.

Mr. Koepeknie.

Oh, hello, captain.

Mr. Koepeknie, remember We helped you last time?

Oh, yes, sir.

We'd like to help you again.

Bellevue?

Yeah.

I'm not going back there. Come on, mr. Koepeknie.

This is beyond their power, And it is beyond my power.

It's beyond your power!

This is beyond any Power on earth!

Aah!

Mr. Koepeknie, you Need medical attention.

I want a priest!

I want this demon Torn out of me!

Get me a priest.

Get me a priest! Oh, My god, get me a priest!

Mr. Koepeknie!

Wojo, get on the Phone, will you?

Koepeknie: I want a priest!

Get me a priest!

Aah!

Wojo, what's going On?! It's ringing.

Hello, hello!

They put me on hold.

Try another line!

Get me a priest.

Forget it, wojo. Get him a priest.

Good morning, son. Ah, Good morning, father.

Or inspector or sir, Whichever you prefer.

I sometimes get confused myself.

When I got this call,

I just finished giving last Rites to a street-gang victim

In the south bronx.

Oh, well, I'm sure there You were father clement.

No, there I was "Pig."

Ah.

Well, how's your Writing coming along?

Not so good.

I'm having a block,

But I'm talking to a Shrink about it, so...

Uh-huh.

Oh, I see he's given you one Of these rorschach tests.

That's an interesting blotch.

That's not a rorschach.

That's a... That's a Painting by a dying painter,

And I bought it.

Well, it's a very Worthy cause, I'm sure.

Bless you. Thank you, father.

And bless you, too, my child, No matter how you sinned.

It was just a Domestic quarrel, sir.

Oh, I trust there Will be no divorce.

It's an idea.

Don't tell anyone Where you got it.

Ah, good morning, wojo.

Father clement, uh...

The captain wants to Talk to you right away.

You been attending Mass regularly?

Well... That's my answer.

You know I thought about Studying for the priesthood once?

What changed your mind?

Couldn't stand being celibate.

Well, how do you know?

You don't have to be Until after you're ordained.

I practiced.

For how long? Three and a half...

No, four hours.

Is that all?

Told ya I couldn't stand it.

Hello, norma.

Cynthia's husband.

Sarcasm doesn't Become you, norma.

How do you know what becomes me?

The only thing we have in Common is we're both chafed.

Yeah?

And I've just had 12 Stitches and a tetanus shot.

You had it coming.

You better face it, roy.

You cannot have two Women at the same time.

Not if you want to Be sharp the next day.

Uh, sorry.

12th precinct. Sergeant dietrich.

Uh, hold on a moment.

Ron, it's for you.

Mount sinai hospital... It's andrew catt's nurse.

Oh, I called earlier.

Just wanted to see How the old boy was.

Sergeant harris here.

How's he doing?

Great?

Full recovery?

Oh, say, that's great.

Isn't that great?

That's just great.

That's just great.

Yeah, thanks a lot.

Look, cynthia and I were Both kids when I married her,

This gorgeous little Cheerleader with legs up to here

And those pom-poms.

Roy, you loved her.

Everybody did.

Of course, I didn't find That out in time to stop it.

You want to sign this Complaint, mr. Griswold?

Will she be able to leave?

Leave here or leave you?

Here.

No.

Sorry.

Ah, that's okay.

I'm a writer. I'm Used to rejection.

I guess I'll have to Get used to it, too.

You know, captain, all These years in the department

Made me more a Policeman than a priest.

Talking down jumpers,

Talking hoods into Releasing their hostages.

I've done most of my Sermons through a bullhorn.

The other day,

A supplicant came up to me And said he wanted to confess.

I told him he had the Right to remain silent.

Father clement!

Come here, clement!

Come out here, clement!

Come out, you old phoney!

There you are, you White-collared hypocrite.

My son, you asked for a priest?

Watch it, mackerel-snapper!

You come any closer,

I'll consume you in The flames of hell!

How can I help You, mr. Koepeknie?

Help koepeknie?!

He's mine!

Beat it.

You don't have any power here.

Whoever you are, my Power is greater than yours.

You're full of prunes.

That's not nice.

Mealy-mouthed moron.

He's making this very difficult.

You're doing fine.

I'm trying.

My son, we all face the demon Of loneliness and anxiety.

"Demon of loneliness!"

Demon of hell!

Pray that you leave us In the light of our faith.

I'm not going anywhere, You flatulent old fraud!

All right, hey. Now, you watch it.

There's no need to get personal.

Why don't you crawl Back to your confessional,

You pious pervert?

How would you like a Good smack in the mouth?

If you don't respect the man,

You got to respect the Uniform, is that right?

Sewer mouth!

Take your faith and shove it!

Enough! Aah!

Demon or no demon,

I'll tear out his tonsils!

Open the cage! Do You think I'm kidding?!

Hey! Take it easy. Take it easy.

How could I do that?

How could I raise My hands to another?

I can't... I can't call Myself a priest.

Hey, why not? Look, You did a hell of a job.

Uh, barney?

Boys from bellevue Are downstairs.

Uh, wojo, take him down. Yeah.

Father, it would be really Helpful if you went with him.

Thank you, I think I've Done quite enough already.

But, father... Father?

Are you a priest?

Yes, and he's a good one, too.

Father, could you Spare some of your time?

I need your help... Desperately.

Okay, let's give It another whack.

Oh, bless you, father.

Okay, here we go, mr. Koepeknie.

Come on.

See, it all star...

It all started in The subway at... No.

It all started Many years ago in...

I don't know.

I just get so confused.

Forget it. It happens.

It happens.

Just start again, slowly.

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Very well put.

I guess we're all possessed By our own demons.

And mine seems To be... Good taste.

And I doubt that I'll ever get rid of it.