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00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
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All right, that's the last servo.
2
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Behold the mobile on meter-ractional Neutralization and Termination Eradicator.
3
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Or...
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MONTE.
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Featuring one articulated razor-sharp killing saw,
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one polycarbonate grinding and flipping wheel,
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steel-armor plate exoskeleton top and bottom,
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and enough horsepower to drive a 110 pounds of mechanized death
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from zero to holy crap in 4.8 seconds.
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Is it wrong to say I love our killer robot?
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As with my father, I both love and fear it.
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All right, enough chitchat.
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Let's destroy something.
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One, two, three.
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Okay. What shall be first to taste the wrath of Monte?
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Maybe we should start small.
17
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Okay.
18
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Ooh, perhaps today is the day
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we finally find out what's inside the Magic Eight Ball.
20
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Did it when I was four.
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It's an icosahedral dye floating in tinted blue water.
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Man, call "spoiler alert" before you say things like that.
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How about the toaster oven?
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What did the toaster oven ever do to you?
25
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What did I ever do to Jimmy Mullins in the third grade?
26
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He still punched me in the face with my own fists.
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Sorry, you little nerd,
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you were just in the wrong boys' room at the wrong time.
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Gentlemen, goggles.
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This is an auspicious moment.
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Like Robert Oppenheimer or Neil Armstrong,
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we need the appropriate words to mark this
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historic scientific event.
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How about "Die, toaster, die"?
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That'll do it.
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All right, what's next?
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No, I think I'm just going to stay in tonight
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and do laundry.
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Oh yeah,they still got the full Monte.
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Leonard? Uh-huh?
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What the hell?
42
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Killer robot.
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We built it.
44
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Yeah, well, it almost killed me.
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If it wanted to kill you, you'd be dead.
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So, who exactly does it want to kill?
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I'm sorry, are you unaware of the upcoming
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Southern California Robot Fighting League
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Round Robin Invitational?
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You know, since I moved last year,
51
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not all my mail has been forwarded.
52
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It's a big deal.
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There's an awards banquet and a dance afterward.
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Perhaps you'd like to come with me.
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I know the other fellas would be really excited
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to see a girl there.
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How is it supposed to be a dance if I'm the only girl?
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Well, that may be a slight exaggeration.
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You'd be the only doable girl.
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You're a pig, Howard.
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How is "doable" anything but a compliment?
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Howard, why don't we just work on the robot?
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Please, Leonard, not now.
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Once again, Penny and I have begun our little tango.
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Our tango?
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The carnal repartee, the erotic to and fro.
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But as delicious as the appetizer might be,
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at some point we will have to succumb and eat the entree
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while it's still...
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...hot.
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I'm begging you, stop talking.
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Look, normally I can just ignore you.
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I mean, I get it-- you're a little peculiar.
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You know, like Sheldon.
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Excuse me, Penny, but in this room,
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you're the one who's peculiar.
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Yeah, you might be right.
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But back to you.
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I know you think you're some sort
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of smooth-talking ladies' man, but the truth is,
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you are just pathetic and creepy.
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So what are you saying?
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I am saying it is not a compliment to call me "doable."
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It's not sexy to stare at my ass and say,
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"Ooh, it must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that."
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And most important, we are not dancing a tango,
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we're not to'ing and fro'ing.
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Nothing is ever going to happen between us. Ever.
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Wait a minute.
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This isn't flirting.
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You're serious.
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Flirting?
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You think I'm flirting with you?
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I am not flirting with you.
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No woman is ever gonna flirt with you.
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You're just gonna grow old and die alone.
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Thanks for the heads up.
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Howard, where you going?
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I'm going home to live my creepy, pathetic life.
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Well, someone had to say it.
101
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What?
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He said maybe we should enter you
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in the killer robot competition.
104
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Howard, the phone is ringing!
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Here's a crazy idea, Ma: Answer it!
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Hello?
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All right, hold on.
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It's your friend, Leonard!
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He wants to know why you're not at school today!
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I don't go to school, Ma.
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I work at a university.
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That's a school!
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Now pick up the phone!
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I don't want to talk to anybody.
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Should I ask Leonard to bring over your homework?!
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I don't have homework.
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I'm a grown man with a master's degree in engineering!
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Excuse me, Mr. Fancy-Pants.
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Want me to get you a Popsicle?
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Cherry, please!
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I ate the cherry.
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All that's left is green.
123
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You make me want to kill myself.
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What's going on?
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I don't know, now they're just yelling
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about Popsicles.
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Sounds like Penny really got to him.
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I'm not surprised.
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Despite his hard and crusty shell,
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Howard is a very sensitive man.
131
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Do you know he writes poetry?
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Mostly about men from Nantucket and hermits named Dave,
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but he does it with real sensitivity.
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Hey, Hofstadter.
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Word around the pwasma wab is you built a wobot?
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Yes, we did, Kripke.
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His name is Monte.
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Well, if you have any dewusions about entering him
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against my wobot, the Kwipke Kwippler
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in the Southern California Robot Fighting League
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Wound Wobin Invitational, aka the S.C.R.F.L.R.R.I.,
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his name is gonna be Swrap Metal.
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Come on, is that really necessary?
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Leonard, I believe it is.
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This is trash talk, and trash talk
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is a traditional component in all sporting events.
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Kripke,
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your robot is inferior
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and it will be defeated by ours
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because ours exceeds yours in both design and execution.
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Also, I'm given to understand that your mother is overweight.
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Oh, snap.
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Now, of course, if that is the result
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of a glandular condition and not sloth and gluttony,
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I withdraw that comment.
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What difference does it make?
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Fat is fat.
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There are boundaries.
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Tell you what, forget the S.C.R.F.L.R.R.I.
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Let's settle this woboto a woboto.
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What do you mean?
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There's no guarantee we've gotta go against
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each other in the Wound Wobin, so let's throw down.
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You know,
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unless you're afwaid.
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We accept your challenge.
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Name a time and place.
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Tomorrow, 3:00, the kinetics wab.
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Make it so.
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No, don't make it so.
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Barry, we can't fight you tomorrow.
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Our engineer is incapacitated.
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What's wrong with him?
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He's depressed because he's pathetic and creepy
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and can't get girls.
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We're all pathetic and cweepy and can't get girls.
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That's why we fight wobots.
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If you're not there, you'll be exposed to widicule.
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I'm curious, what part of America is that accent from?
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Hey. Hey, you got a minute?
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Yeah, come on in.
182
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What's up?
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I need you to apologize to How...
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Get out.
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Come on.
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Wolowitz won't come out of his house
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and we need him for a robot battle.
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Well, then have the robot go and get him.
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The robot didn't hurt his feelings.
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His feelings needed to be hurt.
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He's been in bed for two days.
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Yeah, probably with a blow-up doll.
193
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He's not with a...
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Does it really matter who or what he's with?
195
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The guy is devastated.
196
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Oh, please, how could I possibly devastate Howard?
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Okay, don't take this as a criticism,
198
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but you kind of have that overexposed-to-gamma-rays
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thing going on.
200
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What does that mean?
201
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You know, like, most of the time,
202
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you're the easygoing Bruce Banner, but then,
203
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when you get angry, you kind of turn into, like, you know...?
204
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I turn into a bear?
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Seriously?
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Gamma rays? Bruce Banner?
207
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You didn't get The Incredible Hulk from that?
208
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Never mind.
209
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Just, please go talk to him.
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And say what?
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That I didn't mean it, because I meant it.
212
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Well, maybe you can go at it from a different angle,
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like, um, you see a glimmer of goodness in him
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and you only said what you said because you want to
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nurture it and make it shine.
216
00:10:30,060 --> 00:10:32,830
Okay, let's try it this way.
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Remember the day that we first met and you asked me
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to go to your boyfriend's apartment
219
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to get your TV back
220
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and he was nine feet tall and he took my pants off
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and you said...
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What was that? What did you say?
223
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Oh, yes.
224
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You said you owed me one.
225
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Okay, come on, that's not fair.
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I came home with no pants.
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Fine, I'll go over there tomorrow.
228
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Thank you.
229
00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:03,830
I should probably give you a heads up about his mother.
230
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What about her?
231
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She's a delightful woman.
232
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You'll love her.
233
00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:15,760
Howard, there's a blonde girl, Patsy, here to see you!
234
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Who?
235
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Okay, now she's saying it's Penny.
236
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I don't want to talk to her.
237
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She ran past me.
238
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Was I supposed to tackle her?
239
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So, I just came by to see how you were doing.
240
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I'm fine.
241
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Good.
242
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Your mom seems nice.
243
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People move away from her on the bus.
244
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What do you want?
245
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Okay, look.
246
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:53,930
Howard, I just want to apologize.
247
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For some things that I have said.
248
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About you.
249
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I've been informed that you have feelings.
250
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And apparently, I have hurt them.
251
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So, I'm sorry.
252
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Howard.
253
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Fine.
254
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You're sorry.
255
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Good-bye.
256
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:27,360
So...
257
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:28,300
you're okay?
258
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Hey, I'm a big boy.
259
00:12:30,430 --> 00:12:33,360
I'm not traumatized by some random comment
260
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from some random woman.
261
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I mean, get over yourself.
262
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Okay.
263
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Well, bye.
264
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So close.
265
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Oh, my God.
266
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That's Kripke's robot?
267
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As you can see,
268
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the Kwippler is weducing the Chevy Cavawier to wubble.
269
00:13:08,630 --> 00:13:10,800
I can't watch anymore.
270
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,360
Sheldon, we have to call it off.
271
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:13,830
We don't have that option.
272
00:13:13,830 --> 00:13:15,260
We've accepted the challenge.
273
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:17,060
We can't run away from a fight.
274
00:13:17,060 --> 00:13:18,430
Oh, please, we've spent our whole lives
275
00:13:18,430 --> 00:13:20,900
running away from fights.
276
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,260
Personally, I can squeeze through
277
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,960
a hole in a fence half my size.
278
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:28,500
Impressive as that may be, Monte is not us.
279
00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:30,830
Monte has no fear.
280
00:13:30,830 --> 00:13:32,660
Sheldon, did we all not just watch the same video?
281
00:13:32,660 --> 00:13:38,060
Kripke's robot just had angry sex with a mid-sized automobile.
282
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:39,500
You are overlooking the fact that we now know
283
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,660
what we're up against and we can modify Monte
284
00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:43,360
so that he's prepared.
285
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,960
You want to prepare him?
286
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,560
Install a bladder and a pair of shorts so he can wet himself.
287
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,700
Excuse me, but how are we going
288
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:51,430
to make any modifications without Wolowitz?
289
00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:52,900
Have you heard from Penny yet?
290
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:53,900
Not yet.
291
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,100
Have faith, gentlemen.
292
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,530
We don't need Wolowitz.
293
00:13:56,530 --> 00:14:00,600
Engineering is merely the slow younger brother of physics.
294
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,500
Watch and learn.
295
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:09,400
Do either of you know how to open the toolbox?
296
00:14:12,230 --> 00:14:16,130
And then, when I was 14,
297
00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:18,460
I met Marcy Grossman.
298
00:14:18,460 --> 00:14:20,530
She was so beautiful.
299
00:14:20,530 --> 00:14:22,830
She just got her braces off
300
00:14:22,830 --> 00:14:27,330
but they left a little of the overbite.
301
00:14:27,330 --> 00:14:29,460
It was so hot.
302
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:32,530
Like a sexy little chipmunk.
303
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:41,830
I didn't have the courage to ask her out,
304
00:14:41,830 --> 00:14:46,230
but I dedicated a song to her at the ninth grade talent show.
305
00:14:46,230 --> 00:14:48,000
Aw, that sounds sweet.
306
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,530
(to the tune of "My Girl"): * Marcy Grossman is sunshine *
307
00:14:51,530 --> 00:14:55,160
♪ On a cloudy day ♪
308
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:59,330
♪ When it's cold outside ♪
309
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:01,860
♪ Marcy Grossman is the month of May ♪
310
00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,300
Oh, it's cute.
311
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:07,800
♪ I guess you'd say ♪
312
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:12,300
♪ What can make me feel this way ♪
313
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:15,960
♪ Marcy Grossman, Marcy Grossman, Marcy Grossman ♪
314
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,400
♪ Talkin' 'bout Marcy ♪
315
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:19,530
That's great.
316
00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:21,300
♪ Grossman. ♪
317
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:23,630
Oh, it's fun.
318
00:15:23,630 --> 00:15:24,960
And then she came up with that
319
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:28,160
sexy little chipmunk mouth
320
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,360
and spit in my hair.
321
00:15:34,130 --> 00:15:37,330
Which brings us to tenth grade.
322
00:15:37,330 --> 00:15:42,560
Howard, do you think maybe sometimes you try too hard?
323
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,800
Look at me.
324
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,400
What chance do I have if I don't try too hard?
325
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:54,530
Well... you'd have a terrific chance.
326
00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:56,160
I mean, you're smart, you're funny.
327
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:57,260
You have a cool job.
328
00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:59,960
You build stuff that goes into outer space.
329
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,260
I guess.
330
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:02,560
Look, I'm telling you, I've known you for, like,
331
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,400
a year and a half and this is the first time
332
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:05,530
I feel like I'm talking
333
00:16:05,530 --> 00:16:07,130
to a real person.
334
00:16:07,130 --> 00:16:08,300
And you know what?
335
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,530
I like him.
336
00:16:09,530 --> 00:16:12,930
He's a nice guy.
337
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,300
You really think so?
338
00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:15,830
Yes.
339
00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:18,230
I don't know.
340
00:16:18,230 --> 00:16:21,060
I do.
341
00:16:36,530 --> 00:16:38,560
Nice little bot you've got here.
342
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,160
I'm aware.
343
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:42,330
What's this do, spin?
344
00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:45,260
Yep. At 3400 RPM.
345
00:16:45,260 --> 00:16:48,730
It can cut through steel like it was wubber.
346
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:52,000
Neat.
347
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,900
Good work.
348
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:56,260
Sheldon, we've got to call this off.
349
00:16:56,260 --> 00:16:57,960
No, Leonard.
350
00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,400
For years, merciless thugs like Kripke
351
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,700
have made my life a series of painful noogies
352
00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:04,100
and humiliating wedgies
353
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:07,060
and the insensitively named Indian burns.
354
00:17:08,230 --> 00:17:09,730
That stops now.
355
00:17:09,730 --> 00:17:11,200
But, Sheldon, we don't have a chance.
356
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,700
The only improvement you were able to make
357
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,600
on the robot was to put fresh batteries in the remote.
358
00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,600
What you fail to realize is
359
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,360
Kripke suffers from a fatal flaw:
360
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:22,430
overconfidence from his robot's massive size
361
00:17:22,430 --> 00:17:23,900
and its overwhelming power.
362
00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:25,230
That's not overconfidence.
363
00:17:25,230 --> 00:17:26,930
That's observation.
364
00:17:26,930 --> 00:17:29,260
Trust me, Kripke will fall easy prey
365
00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:30,460
to my psychological warfare.
366
00:17:30,460 --> 00:17:31,460
Observe.
367
00:17:35,660 --> 00:17:38,960
I would ask if your robot is prepared to meet its maker,
368
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,960
but as you are its maker, clearly the two of you have met.
369
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,600
What is his pwoblem?
370
00:17:50,060 --> 00:17:53,100
Way to bust out the Jedi mind tricks, dude.
371
00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:56,700
I just want to make sure that we're all clear.
372
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,660
Standard robotic fighting league rules apply.
373
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:01,160
Are you cwazy?
374
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,460
This is a stweet fight.
375
00:18:02,460 --> 00:18:04,500
The stweet has no rules.
376
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:05,500
He's right, Leonard.
377
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:07,300
The paradigm is to the death.
378
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:08,830
I will, however,
379
00:18:08,830 --> 00:18:11,400
give you the opportunity to concede my superiority now
380
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:15,130
and offer me your robot as the spoils of war.
381
00:18:15,130 --> 00:18:16,630
Never.
382
00:18:16,630 --> 00:18:18,660
I'd rather see Monte dead than in your hands.
383
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:19,930
That could be easily arranged.
384
00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:22,630
Rtady, set, go?
385
00:18:22,630 --> 00:18:23,800
Do it.
386
00:18:25,130 --> 00:18:26,100
Weady. Set.
387
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,260
Go.
388
00:18:32,330 --> 00:18:33,760
Come on, Sheldon, you got this.
389
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:35,100
Indeed.
390
00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:37,300
We are prepared for anything he can throw at us.
391
00:18:44,260 --> 00:18:46,260
That's new.
392
00:18:46,260 --> 00:18:48,100
Run, Monte, run!
393
00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:49,300
KOOTHRAPPALI: Go, Monte!
394
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,160
Monte! Go, go, go, go!
395
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,630
Don't hurt us, don't hurt us,
396
00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:07,100
Well, so much for making up
397
00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:09,930
for the emotional wounds of childhood.
398
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,000
I did this.
399
00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:16,100
Monte was killed by my hubris and my pride.
400
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,560
No matter what anybody says, this is my fault.
401
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,530
No one's arguing with you, dude.
402
00:19:21,530 --> 00:19:25,300
I got your text. How bad is... Oy.
403
00:19:26,530 --> 00:19:28,500
Forget the robot. What happened to you?
404
00:19:29,530 --> 00:19:30,700
He slipped and fell.
405
00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:33,500
Yes, I slipped and fell.
406
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:35,230
In the bathroom.
407
00:19:35,230 --> 00:19:37,330
Bounced right off the tub.
408
00:19:38,630 --> 00:19:40,530
Yes, now he knows what bathtubs are capable of doing
409
00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:42,660
when you don't treat them with respect.
410
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:47,800
They sucker punch you when your eyes are closed.
411
00:19:49,030 --> 00:19:51,700
So what do you think, Howard?
412
00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:53,530
It's not that bad, right?
413
00:19:53,530 --> 00:19:55,300
Oh, no.
414
00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:57,130
A little electrical tape, some solder...
415
00:19:57,130 --> 00:19:58,860
Are you insane?
416
00:19:58,860 --> 00:20:00,560
I've seen space probes
417
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:01,960
that crashed into the desert
418
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:03,560
that were in better shape than this.
419
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,430
You're right.
420
00:20:06,430 --> 00:20:07,900
Monte's gone.
421
00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:09,830
We'll bury him in the morning.
422
00:20:09,830 --> 00:20:11,400
A simple ceremony. I'll speak.
423
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,600
Leonard, you'll play your cello.
424
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,360
Sheldon, honey, aren't you getting
425
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:17,630
a little carried away?
426
00:20:17,630 --> 00:20:19,300
I mean, it's just a toy robot.
427
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,560
"Just a toy robot"?
428
00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:32,200
I know, I got it.
429
00:20:33,260 --> 00:20:36,630
Sheldon, I'm sorry.
430
00:20:38,730 --> 00:20:40,460
Well, don't get the wrong idea.
431
00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:42,800
The way I see it, I'm halfway to pity sex.
30079
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