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1
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:43,709
( string instruments playing
staccato melody )
2
00:00:52,375 --> 00:00:56,583
( eerie waltz theme
building )
3
00:03:06,834 --> 00:03:07,959
( eerie waltz theme
crescendoes )
4
00:03:07,959 --> 00:03:12,291
( crowd applauding )
5
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:17,792
Ladies and gentlemen,
6
00:03:17,792 --> 00:03:19,333
I would
now like to introduce
7
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,709
a legend in our industry.
8
00:03:21,709 --> 00:03:23,000
She's the most successful
president
9
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,583
in the history
of our network
10
00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:27,458
and for the past five years
11
00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:30,125
has kept us at the very top
of the ratings.
12
00:03:30,125 --> 00:03:32,875
She's our maverick,
our wild card,
13
00:03:32,875 --> 00:03:35,208
and today she's gonna
take us right to the edge.
14
00:03:35,208 --> 00:03:38,625
Please welcome a giant,
a genius
15
00:03:38,625 --> 00:03:44,709
and the hardest-working person
in television: Joanna Eberhart.
16
00:03:44,709 --> 00:03:46,542
( cheering, applause )
17
00:03:46,542 --> 00:03:48,875
WOMAN:
Way to go, Joanna!
18
00:03:55,291 --> 00:03:58,792
Thank you all so much.
Thank you.
19
00:03:58,792 --> 00:04:02,542
WOMAN:
Joanna!
20
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:03,959
That feels good,
21
00:04:03,959 --> 00:04:06,291
especially coming from
such a fantastic group of people
22
00:04:06,291 --> 00:04:09,375
from all across
our great nation,
23
00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:10,709
our network affiliates.
24
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:11,917
Give yourselves
a great big hand.
25
00:04:11,917 --> 00:04:14,750
You deserve it.
26
00:04:14,750 --> 00:04:17,083
And I want
27
00:04:17,083 --> 00:04:19,542
a big, fat Christmas bonus.
( laughter )
28
00:04:19,542 --> 00:04:22,250
Just kidding, but not really
because...
29
00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:24,500
I am so excited,
I am so on fire,
30
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,250
I am so guts-and-glory
passionate
31
00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:28,208
about what I am
about to show you.
32
00:04:28,208 --> 00:04:30,417
So get ready because
on Monday nights
33
00:04:30,417 --> 00:04:34,959
the whole world will be watching
a man, a woman and a buzzer!
34
00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:37,917
( rousing theme music plays )
35
00:04:42,792 --> 00:04:46,583
Are you ready
for the final gender challenge?
36
00:04:48,417 --> 00:04:50,125
Who makes more money?
37
00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:51,208
I do.
38
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:53,542
Who enters Ironman triathlons
every year and wins?
39
00:04:53,542 --> 00:04:55,000
I do.
40
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,125
Who secretly wishes they were
married to a hot, sexy lesbian?
41
00:04:58,125 --> 00:04:59,709
I do!
I do!
42
00:04:59,709 --> 00:05:00,959
It's Tara!
43
00:05:00,959 --> 00:05:02,792
( game show audience cheers )
44
00:05:02,792 --> 00:05:04,959
( rousing theme music plays )
45
00:05:04,959 --> 00:05:07,458
( applause )
46
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:11,166
And...
47
00:05:11,166 --> 00:05:13,166
( applause quiets )
...on Thursdays...
48
00:05:13,166 --> 00:05:16,000
No, this is not just a TV show.
49
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,000
No, this is a breakthrough,
50
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:18,875
a breakout,
a break-all-the-rules
51
00:05:18,875 --> 00:05:22,458
and bring-on-the-Emmys
mega-smash!
52
00:05:22,458 --> 00:05:23,917
( cheering )
Yes!
53
00:05:23,917 --> 00:05:26,000
Can I present to you
54
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:29,250
this planet's
ultimate reality phenomenon?
55
00:05:29,250 --> 00:05:31,959
I Can Do Better!
56
00:05:31,959 --> 00:05:34,250
( applause, cheers )
57
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:37,166
( tribal drum-flavored
theme music plays )
58
00:05:37,166 --> 00:05:40,667
( male chorus chanting )
59
00:05:44,291 --> 00:05:47,500
JOANNA:
We will all be right there
as happily-married couples
60
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:51,041
are flown first class
to a tropical island paradise
61
00:05:51,041 --> 00:05:53,000
where they will be
completely surrounded
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00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,000
by professional prostitutes.
63
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,000
And at the end of the week...
64
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,667
Well, let's take a peek.
65
00:05:59,667 --> 00:06:01,041
Well, it's been a week,
66
00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:03,083
and Hank, our personnel manager
from Omaha,
67
00:06:03,083 --> 00:06:05,834
has spent the entire seven days
with Vanessa,
68
00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,083
our call girl
and exotic dancer.
69
00:06:07,083 --> 00:06:10,083
Yeah,
it's been amazing.
70
00:06:10,083 --> 00:06:11,875
And I'll admit
we've had some fun
71
00:06:11,875 --> 00:06:14,375
in the hot tub and all.
72
00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:16,583
But you wanna know something,
Billy?
73
00:06:16,583 --> 00:06:18,667
All we did was talk...
74
00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:20,166
because I love my wife...
75
00:06:20,166 --> 00:06:22,041
and the only place
I want to be
76
00:06:22,041 --> 00:06:23,208
is back in Omaha
77
00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:26,208
with my Barbara.
78
00:06:26,208 --> 00:06:28,208
Tough break, Nessa.
79
00:06:28,208 --> 00:06:30,375
And Barbara, you spent Monday
with Rocky,
80
00:06:30,375 --> 00:06:32,834
our bodybuilder
and male escort,
81
00:06:32,834 --> 00:06:35,667
Tuesday through Thursday
with the entire cast
82
00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:37,875
of the XXX film
Hung Jury,
83
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:41,750
and you spent
the entire weekend with Tonkiro.
84
00:06:48,667 --> 00:06:49,750
And now it's time
85
00:06:49,750 --> 00:06:51,000
for the final decision.
86
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,583
Barbara, it's yours
to make.
87
00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:54,667
Is it gonna
be Omaha?
88
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,500
Or "Oma-hunks"?
89
00:06:59,208 --> 00:07:01,792
Well...
90
00:07:01,792 --> 00:07:05,333
before I came on this show
I only had sex with one man,
91
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:07,000
and that was usually Hank.
92
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:11,417
I love Hank deeply and forever
with all my heart,
93
00:07:11,417 --> 00:07:13,834
and I would never do anything
to hurt him.
94
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:17,125
But I can do better!
95
00:07:17,125 --> 00:07:18,875
( jubilant, tropical-flavored
music playing )
96
00:07:20,917 --> 00:07:23,750
( applause, cheering )
97
00:07:23,750 --> 00:07:29,041
The battle of the sexes,
as old as time but as--
98
00:07:29,041 --> 00:07:30,792
MAN: Why?
99
00:07:30,792 --> 00:07:32,375
Uh... ( laughs )
100
00:07:32,375 --> 00:07:33,750
Excuse me?
101
00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:35,333
Why did you do it?
102
00:07:35,333 --> 00:07:39,083
Oh, my God, it's Hank
from I Can Do Better.
103
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:41,458
Hank, everyone.
( applause )
104
00:07:45,792 --> 00:07:48,542
No, stop it.
( applause fades )
105
00:07:48,542 --> 00:07:52,458
I love Barbara. I had a family.
I had a life.
106
00:07:52,458 --> 00:07:54,333
Hank,
107
00:07:54,333 --> 00:07:56,458
I know it hurts.
108
00:07:56,458 --> 00:07:58,375
Love isn't easy.
109
00:07:58,375 --> 00:08:02,875
Relationships aren't easy,
not for anyone.
110
00:08:02,875 --> 00:08:05,500
But now you know the truth
about Barbara,
111
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:08,500
and you are gonna move on
with your life.
112
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:11,709
And you're gonna meet
someone wonderful,
113
00:08:11,709 --> 00:08:14,709
and America is gonna love you.
114
00:08:14,709 --> 00:08:17,667
( applause )
115
00:08:23,333 --> 00:08:27,583
Yeah. I've got a great idea
for another hot new show.
116
00:08:27,583 --> 00:08:28,166
Well, tell it to us.
117
00:08:28,166 --> 00:08:30,834
It's called...
118
00:08:30,834 --> 00:08:32,291
Let's Kill All the Women.
119
00:08:32,291 --> 00:08:33,917
WOMAN: He's got a gun!
120
00:08:33,917 --> 00:08:35,750
( screams )
121
00:08:41,166 --> 00:08:43,000
Oh!
122
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,583
Joanna, are you all right?
I am great.
123
00:08:45,583 --> 00:08:49,083
Raring to go.
The police were sensational.
124
00:08:49,083 --> 00:08:50,667
And not a scratch.
125
00:08:50,667 --> 00:08:54,333
You haven't heard?
About what?
126
00:08:57,333 --> 00:08:59,208
That man, Hank.
Ugh!
127
00:08:59,208 --> 00:09:01,208
Right before he tried
to kill you,
128
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:05,000
he went to see his ex-wife
and five of her new boyfriends.
129
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:07,041
He did?
He shot all of them.
130
00:09:07,041 --> 00:09:09,291
The wife is in critical
condition,
131
00:09:09,291 --> 00:09:10,375
and four of the guys
are on life support.
132
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:13,041
Tonkiro?
He's fine.
133
00:09:13,041 --> 00:09:16,458
Thank God.
So you know what this means.
134
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:18,959
Of course.
135
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:21,792
We pay for all of their medical
treatment, every penny.
136
00:09:21,792 --> 00:09:23,625
We get them
the very best therapist,
137
00:09:23,625 --> 00:09:25,041
childcare, rehab,
138
00:09:25,041 --> 00:09:26,417
whatever they need,
139
00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:28,709
and then we fly them
to New York, first class,
140
00:09:28,709 --> 00:09:30,166
for a prime-time special,
141
00:09:30,166 --> 00:09:33,542
Hank and Barbara:
Let the Healing Begin.
142
00:09:33,542 --> 00:09:35,458
You're not listening.
143
00:09:35,458 --> 00:09:36,709
We can't wear this.
144
00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:39,125
The lawsuits alone
may bankrupt the network.
145
00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:41,208
And all your new shows,
the whole lineup,
146
00:09:41,208 --> 00:09:43,625
the affiliates
won't touch them.
147
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:45,542
We have shareholders.
148
00:09:45,542 --> 00:09:48,959
We can't let you
sink the network.
149
00:09:50,917 --> 00:09:53,917
But we wish you
only the best.
150
00:10:12,583 --> 00:10:15,417
( distorted
choral theme builds )
151
00:10:16,792 --> 00:10:18,417
( softly gasps )
152
00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:24,792
( distorted choral theme
crescendoes )
153
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:26,625
Of course.
154
00:10:28,959 --> 00:10:34,375
Thank you for being so classy
and taking this so well.
155
00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:45,500
( eerie waltz theme
playing )
156
00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:04,458
Joanna, we just wanted to say
that this is so not fair.
157
00:11:05,458 --> 00:11:08,125
( elevator chimes )
158
00:11:09,542 --> 00:11:12,333
Goodbye, everybody!
159
00:11:12,333 --> 00:11:14,500
All the best!
160
00:11:18,583 --> 00:11:22,333
( Joanna shrieks )
161
00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:45,041
Jo?
Mm.
162
00:11:47,375 --> 00:11:48,250
Ah, Walter.
163
00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:51,583
What happened?
164
00:11:51,583 --> 00:11:55,875
Well, you've had
a complete nervous collapse.
165
00:11:55,875 --> 00:11:57,458
Ah...
166
00:11:57,458 --> 00:11:59,125
And the doctors say
there's a lot of work to do,
167
00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:02,125
but you're gonna
be just fine.
168
00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:05,834
Oh, and Pete
made this for you.
169
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,917
Oh, that's so sweet.
Isn't it?
170
00:12:09,917 --> 00:12:11,208
And I wanted you to know
171
00:12:11,208 --> 00:12:13,417
that the minute
I heard the news,
172
00:12:13,417 --> 00:12:15,583
I called the network
and I quit.
173
00:12:15,583 --> 00:12:20,250
You did that for me?
Of course.
174
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:23,208
I know I was only
a vice president,
175
00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:26,166
but I could never work
for those people,
176
00:12:26,166 --> 00:12:29,750
not after the way
they treated you.
177
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:32,417
Oh, Walter...
178
00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:35,834
And do you remember
what today is?
179
00:12:35,834 --> 00:12:37,333
It's our anniversary.
180
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:43,333
Oh, Walter...
181
00:12:44,583 --> 00:12:47,500
...I'm so sorry.
182
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,750
Maybe that man
who tried to shoot me,
183
00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:51,250
maybe he was right.
184
00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:53,333
Maybe I've become
the wrong kind of woman.
185
00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:57,583
Maybe I've made all
of the wrong decisions.
186
00:12:57,583 --> 00:13:02,083
Could we get away
and start over?
187
00:13:02,083 --> 00:13:06,083
And get it right,
our marriage?
188
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:15,250
But why are we moving?
To Connecticut?
189
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:17,542
We're moving
so that we can all kick back
190
00:13:17,542 --> 00:13:21,208
and have a great new life
in this beautiful new town.
191
00:13:35,291 --> 00:13:38,083
( birds chirping )
192
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:40,583
Name?
Kresby.
193
00:13:40,583 --> 00:13:42,792
Welcome to Stepford.
Thanks.
194
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:50,917
( choir chanting ethereally,
idyllic theme playing )
195
00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:27,333
What do you
think, guys?
196
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:28,500
Cool.
197
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:32,000
Good.
Honey?
198
00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:44,000
Hello, everyone.
I'm Mrs. Wellington.
199
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,166
Welcome to Stepford.
200
00:14:46,166 --> 00:14:48,792
I'm with Stepford Realty.
We spoke on the phone.
201
00:14:48,792 --> 00:14:52,083
You must be Walter.
So nice to meet you in person.
202
00:14:52,083 --> 00:14:53,792
And the little ones.
203
00:14:53,792 --> 00:14:55,250
I bet you're Pete.
204
00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:56,208
Duh.
Pete!
205
00:14:56,208 --> 00:14:59,917
And he's every bit
as handsome as his dad.
206
00:14:59,917 --> 00:15:01,583
Thank you.
207
00:15:01,583 --> 00:15:05,041
And Kimberly, aren't you just
the cutest little bug's ear.
208
00:15:05,041 --> 00:15:06,250
Bugs don't have ears.
209
00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:07,375
( gasps )
210
00:15:07,375 --> 00:15:10,750
Isn't she sassy,
and a little sad.
211
00:15:10,750 --> 00:15:14,208
And this
must be Joanna.
212
00:15:14,208 --> 00:15:17,875
Electroshock?
But she's doing great.
213
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:20,458
Hello,
little Energizer.
214
00:15:20,458 --> 00:15:22,583
The minute Walter called,
215
00:15:22,583 --> 00:15:25,166
I knew this was
the perfect house for you.
216
00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:29,417
It's the top of the line
here at Stepford Estates,
217
00:15:29,417 --> 00:15:30,250
and it's got everything
218
00:15:30,250 --> 00:15:32,917
an American family
could ever need.
219
00:15:32,917 --> 00:15:35,166
And may I present to you...
220
00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:37,458
PETE: Look at this.
KIMBERLY: This is amazing.
221
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,333
...the great room.
222
00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:42,667
I call it cozy.
223
00:15:42,667 --> 00:15:44,750
And it's also
a smart house.
224
00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:46,542
Now, this controls
the security system.
225
00:15:46,542 --> 00:15:47,917
( sensor pinging )
226
00:15:48,583 --> 00:15:50,792
( locks turning )
227
00:15:50,792 --> 00:15:53,083
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
All secure.
228
00:15:53,083 --> 00:15:56,709
It talks to the refrigerator.
( pings )
229
00:15:56,709 --> 00:16:00,625
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
We need juice, we need juice,
we need juice.
230
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:02,417
The system also monitors
all the commodes.
231
00:16:02,417 --> 00:16:03,542
( pings )
232
00:16:03,542 --> 00:16:04,917
Where it will test
your urine
233
00:16:04,917 --> 00:16:07,125
for blood sugar,
protein and body fat.
234
00:16:07,125 --> 00:16:08,333
( pings )
235
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:10,125
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Flush toilets.
236
00:16:10,125 --> 00:16:11,291
( toilets flushing )
237
00:16:11,291 --> 00:16:12,625
Isn't that great,
kids?
238
00:16:12,625 --> 00:16:13,959
I'm gonna go
check my room.
239
00:16:13,959 --> 00:16:16,166
Me too.
240
00:16:16,166 --> 00:16:17,291
( giggles )
241
00:16:17,291 --> 00:16:19,041
Now, Walter,
will you be commuting?
242
00:16:19,041 --> 00:16:20,000
No.
243
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,667
( sighs )
244
00:16:21,667 --> 00:16:23,709
Uh, no, Joanna and I
both left the network.
245
00:16:23,709 --> 00:16:25,959
( barking sound )
246
00:16:25,959 --> 00:16:27,625
Oh, look,
it's the puppy.
247
00:16:27,625 --> 00:16:29,166
Robo Rover 3000.
248
00:16:29,166 --> 00:16:32,041
Come on, boy.
Come on, come on, come on.
249
00:16:33,750 --> 00:16:37,000
( thudding,
distorted barks )
250
00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:39,291
( laughs )
251
00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:40,667
( Robo Rover barks )
252
00:17:02,834 --> 00:17:05,750
( birds chirping )
253
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,125
( sighs )
254
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,709
( suspenseful theme
plays softly )
255
00:17:48,417 --> 00:17:49,875
( car horn honks )
256
00:17:49,875 --> 00:17:51,417
CLAIRE:
Joanna.
257
00:17:51,417 --> 00:17:53,125
The town is over 200 years old.
258
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:56,208
It was founded
by George Washington,
259
00:17:56,208 --> 00:17:58,000
and Martha just loved it.
260
00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,083
Stepford is Connecticut's
family paradise.
261
00:18:01,083 --> 00:18:02,500
It has no crime,
262
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,500
no poverty
and no pushing.
263
00:18:06,875 --> 00:18:10,583
What is that? Up on the hill?
264
00:18:10,583 --> 00:18:13,625
Well, that's
our Stepford Men's Association.
265
00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:14,792
Where all our wonderful guys
can get together
266
00:18:14,792 --> 00:18:17,500
and stay out of our hair.
267
00:18:18,542 --> 00:18:20,750
Am I right?
268
00:18:20,750 --> 00:18:22,041
Where do the women go?
269
00:18:22,041 --> 00:18:24,750
To the Simply Stepford Day Spa.
270
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:38,750
Good morning,
ladies.
271
00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:41,125
WOMEN ( in unison ):
Good morning, Claire.
272
00:18:41,125 --> 00:18:43,208
I would like you all
to welcome
273
00:18:43,208 --> 00:18:45,333
our newest citizen
to Stepford: Joanna.
274
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:49,291
( in unison ):
Good morning, Joanna.
275
00:18:50,959 --> 00:18:52,709
Are we ready
to work out?
276
00:18:52,709 --> 00:18:55,500
Oh, yes.
Yes.
Great.
277
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:58,458
Places and poles,
please.
278
00:19:06,625 --> 00:19:09,834
Wait, you work out
dressed like this?
279
00:19:09,834 --> 00:19:11,041
Well, of course.
280
00:19:11,041 --> 00:19:15,709
Whatever we do, we always
want to look our very best.
281
00:19:15,709 --> 00:19:19,917
I mean, why, imagine
if our husbands saw us
282
00:19:19,917 --> 00:19:21,125
in worn, dark,
urban sweat clothes
283
00:19:21,125 --> 00:19:24,291
with stringy hair
and almost no makeup?
284
00:19:24,291 --> 00:19:27,417
( women murmuring )
WOMAN: Oh, good heavens!
285
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:28,917
Now,
286
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:32,041
today you are in
for a special treat
287
00:19:32,041 --> 00:19:34,291
because we are working
on a series of exercises,
288
00:19:34,291 --> 00:19:38,500
which I've personally invented,
based on simple household tasks.
289
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,875
I call my program Clairobics.
290
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:43,125
Because her name
is Claire.
291
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,500
All right, now it's time
to slim and scrub.
292
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:49,417
( Walter Murphy's "A Fifth
of Beethoven" playing )
293
00:19:49,417 --> 00:19:52,041
Let's all be washing machines.
And...
294
00:19:52,041 --> 00:19:53,375
Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga.
295
00:19:53,375 --> 00:19:54,750
Chugga-chugga-
chugga-chugga.
296
00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:56,041
Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-
chugga-chugga-choo.
297
00:19:56,041 --> 00:19:58,625
And chugga-chugga-
chugga-chugga.
298
00:19:58,625 --> 00:19:59,959
Chugga-chugga-
chugga-chugga.
299
00:19:59,959 --> 00:20:00,792
Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-
chugga-chugga-choo.
300
00:20:00,792 --> 00:20:03,333
Come on, Joanna.
301
00:20:03,333 --> 00:20:04,959
WOMEN ( in unison ):
Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga...
302
00:20:04,959 --> 00:20:08,667
Spin cycle, ladies,
and whoosh!
303
00:20:08,667 --> 00:20:10,625
And whoosh!
304
00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:12,333
And whoosh!
305
00:20:12,333 --> 00:20:13,917
And whoosh!
306
00:20:18,542 --> 00:20:19,417
Sweet.
307
00:20:19,417 --> 00:20:22,041
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
Who's the man?
308
00:20:22,041 --> 00:20:23,041
You the man.
309
00:20:23,041 --> 00:20:25,291
Thank you, dear.
310
00:21:03,083 --> 00:21:04,500
( door opens )
311
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:06,291
MAN 1: Walter?
MAN 2: Hey, how are ya?
312
00:21:06,291 --> 00:21:08,166
MAN 3: Hey, how you doing?
MAN 4: Walter Kresby.
313
00:21:08,166 --> 00:21:10,250
MAN 5: Good to see you.
MAN 2: Ted Van Sant.
314
00:21:10,250 --> 00:21:12,417
MAN 1: I'm Stan Peters.
Come on in, come on in.
315
00:21:12,417 --> 00:21:15,125
Mike said you were coming.
MAN 2: Nice to see you.
316
00:21:15,125 --> 00:21:16,125
MAN 1: Come on in.
317
00:21:16,125 --> 00:21:18,250
MAN ( on speaker ):
Hear ye, hear ye.
318
00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:20,583
Come one, come all,
and happy Fourth of July.
319
00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:24,583
At 1:30 will be the children's
Stars and Stripes,
320
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:25,667
face painting...
321
00:21:25,667 --> 00:21:26,500
WALTER:
Isn't this great?
322
00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:28,125
A real old-fashioned
town picnic.
323
00:21:28,125 --> 00:21:30,750
Can't get this
in Manhattan.
324
00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,583
Which is why we're gonna stay
exactly ten minutes.
325
00:21:32,583 --> 00:21:33,959
We're gonna
make an appearance,
326
00:21:33,959 --> 00:21:34,917
and then we're gonna
get out of here.
327
00:21:34,917 --> 00:21:37,834
Kids, I'm really sorry
about all of this,
328
00:21:37,834 --> 00:21:39,750
but let's try
and have fun, hm?
329
00:21:39,750 --> 00:21:41,500
Mom, it's a picnic.
330
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:42,625
Chill.
331
00:21:42,625 --> 00:21:44,959
Go ahead, go ahead,
have fun.
332
00:21:44,959 --> 00:21:46,709
Ten minutes?
333
00:21:46,709 --> 00:21:48,333
Walter, you just don't get it.
334
00:21:48,333 --> 00:21:49,583
These women are like
335
00:21:49,583 --> 00:21:51,041
deranged-flight-attendant
friendly.
336
00:21:51,041 --> 00:21:53,291
They're gonna be all over me.
WOMAN: Joanna!
337
00:21:54,625 --> 00:21:56,542
Here we go.
338
00:21:56,542 --> 00:21:58,291
Oh, Joanna.
Hello, Joanna.
339
00:21:58,291 --> 00:21:59,750
Joanna, hi.
340
00:22:00,792 --> 00:22:02,041
Hi, Walter.
341
00:22:02,041 --> 00:22:04,125
Hi.
342
00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:07,291
You look great.
I love you in khakis.
343
00:22:08,625 --> 00:22:10,625
They're new,
a little experiment.
344
00:22:10,625 --> 00:22:14,458
Now I know why they call it
Banana Republic.
345
00:22:14,458 --> 00:22:16,500
( women gasp, giggle )
346
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:19,250
WOMAN:
Excuse me. Excuse me!
347
00:22:19,250 --> 00:22:20,834
Excuse me, ladies.
348
00:22:20,834 --> 00:22:21,417
MAN: Hey!
Excuse me.
349
00:22:21,417 --> 00:22:25,000
Excuse me. Excuse me
350
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:26,000
Excuse me.
351
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,500
Am I the only one
who finds all of this
352
00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:29,875
more than
a little disturbing?
353
00:22:29,875 --> 00:22:31,750
We are celebrating
our nation's birthday,
354
00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:33,792
but there are almost no
African Americans,
355
00:22:33,792 --> 00:22:36,166
no Native Americans,
no Asian Americans,
356
00:22:36,166 --> 00:22:38,500
and... Oh, my God.
357
00:22:38,500 --> 00:22:40,834
Hey, you're Joanna Eberhart.
358
00:22:40,834 --> 00:22:42,291
Yes.
You got such a raw deal.
359
00:22:42,291 --> 00:22:44,333
Aren't you
Bobbie Markowitz?
Yes.
360
00:22:44,333 --> 00:22:46,375
I love your books,
especially the last one.
361
00:22:46,375 --> 00:22:47,750
What was it called?
362
00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:48,875
It was about your relationship
with your mother.
363
00:22:48,875 --> 00:22:52,875
I Love You, But Please Die.
MAN: Hey, baby. Baby.
364
00:22:52,875 --> 00:22:55,250
Look what I did, look.
365
00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:56,500
( wolf whistles )
366
00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:59,500
Happy Fourth of July, everybody.
367
00:22:59,500 --> 00:23:01,792
Excuse me.
Is this guy bothering you?
368
00:23:01,792 --> 00:23:02,959
Yes, he's my husband.
369
00:23:02,959 --> 00:23:04,500
Hey Kresbo-Man.
370
00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:07,166
Hey, Dave.
How do you know each other?
371
00:23:07,166 --> 00:23:08,875
Men's Association.
That place.
372
00:23:08,875 --> 00:23:11,500
Did you finish the laundry?
No, I finished a chapter.
373
00:23:11,500 --> 00:23:12,291
Did you make the sandwiches?
Did you?
374
00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:14,792
Where are the kids?
What kids?
375
00:23:14,792 --> 00:23:16,542
Our kids.
Hey, are you two okay?
376
00:23:16,542 --> 00:23:17,709
BOBBIE & DAVE:
We're fine.
377
00:23:17,709 --> 00:23:19,291
Come on,
I need a cookie.
378
00:23:19,291 --> 00:23:20,542
See what I mean?
379
00:23:20,542 --> 00:23:22,583
Jerry... Jerry,
it's a bake sale,
380
00:23:22,583 --> 00:23:23,959
an actual bake sale.
381
00:23:23,959 --> 00:23:25,959
It's like some sort
of heavenly diorama
382
00:23:25,959 --> 00:23:28,834
at the Smithsonian
in the Hall of Homemakers.
383
00:23:28,834 --> 00:23:32,792
Oh, no. No, stop it.
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
384
00:23:32,792 --> 00:23:34,875
That is not cobbler.
Roger, could we--?
385
00:23:34,875 --> 00:23:37,709
Could we reel it in, like,
a couple of hundred yards?
386
00:23:37,709 --> 00:23:39,458
How do you ladies
keep your figures?
387
00:23:39,458 --> 00:23:42,041
Is there just a huge vat
of cobbler vomit somewhere?
388
00:23:42,041 --> 00:23:43,417
But worth it?
Roger.
389
00:23:43,417 --> 00:23:44,583
Oh, I'm sorry.
390
00:23:44,583 --> 00:23:46,750
That is...
This is fabulous.
391
00:23:46,750 --> 00:23:48,208
Jerry thinks that I overdo,
you know, everything.
392
00:23:48,208 --> 00:23:49,458
JOANNA:
Excuse me,
393
00:23:49,458 --> 00:23:52,917
um, aren't you
Roger Bannister?
394
00:23:52,917 --> 00:23:54,250
The amazing architect
from The Times?
395
00:23:54,250 --> 00:23:56,250
Oh, thank you.
This is Jerry Harmon.
396
00:23:56,250 --> 00:23:57,917
BOBBIE: Hi.
Corporate attorney.
397
00:23:57,917 --> 00:23:59,709
But he's getting the help
that he needs so--
398
00:23:59,709 --> 00:24:01,041
Stop it.
You stop it.
399
00:24:01,041 --> 00:24:03,250
We're new.
Oh, my God, Joanna Eberhart.
400
00:24:03,250 --> 00:24:05,917
I love the shows.
Oh, thank you.
401
00:24:05,917 --> 00:24:07,333
And Bobbie Markowitz.
402
00:24:07,333 --> 00:24:08,834
Love the books.
403
00:24:08,834 --> 00:24:11,417
Jerry, how did this happen?
Where did you come from?
404
00:24:11,417 --> 00:24:13,500
I mean, right here
in Stepford.
405
00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:14,875
People.
406
00:24:15,917 --> 00:24:20,208
Attention, attention,
Fourth of July funsters,
407
00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,500
grab your partners
because it's time
408
00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:27,750
for some sizzling Stepford
square dancing, so come on in.
409
00:24:27,750 --> 00:24:29,792
Square dancing?
Cowgirls?
410
00:24:29,792 --> 00:24:32,208
We're in hell.
Yee-haw.
411
00:24:32,208 --> 00:24:33,750
Come on, Bobbie.
412
00:24:33,750 --> 00:24:36,458
( fiddle playing a lively jig )
413
00:24:44,583 --> 00:24:45,625
Howdy.
414
00:24:45,625 --> 00:24:47,291
Howdy.
Howdy.
Howdy.
415
00:24:47,291 --> 00:24:49,333
Okay, everybody ready
to kick up your heels
416
00:24:49,333 --> 00:24:52,250
for some barn-busting Stepford
high-stepping?
417
00:24:52,250 --> 00:24:54,500
( crowd cheers )
418
00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:55,792
CLAIRE:
Okay.
419
00:24:55,792 --> 00:24:57,792
Bow to your partners,
lose your cares ♪
420
00:24:57,792 --> 00:24:59,250
Bow.
421
00:24:59,250 --> 00:25:00,291
Oh.
Bow.
422
00:25:00,291 --> 00:25:02,000
There you go.
423
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,000
CLAIRE:
Stepford stallions
love their mares ♪
424
00:25:07,208 --> 00:25:10,709
All men left, all men right ♪
425
00:25:10,709 --> 00:25:13,291
Rope that filly,
she won't bite ♪
426
00:25:14,834 --> 00:25:18,875
All join hands
and circle sweet ♪
427
00:25:18,875 --> 00:25:22,041
Please your cowboy
with your feet ♪
428
00:25:29,500 --> 00:25:32,500
Nice shirt, Stan.
MAN: Thanks.
429
00:25:36,041 --> 00:25:39,125
( men whooping, shouting )
430
00:25:44,041 --> 00:25:45,875
Yahoo!
431
00:25:45,875 --> 00:25:48,458
Yee-haw! Yahoo!
432
00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:53,792
( stammering )
433
00:25:55,458 --> 00:25:59,083
WOMAN:
Yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay,
yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay,
434
00:25:59,083 --> 00:26:00,417
yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay,
435
00:26:00,417 --> 00:26:02,041
yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay...
Honey.
436
00:26:02,041 --> 00:26:04,208
...yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay.
Now, calm down, baby.
437
00:26:04,208 --> 00:26:06,542
Do-si-do, do-si-do,
do-si-do, do-si-do...
438
00:26:06,542 --> 00:26:07,875
Whoa...
...do-si-do, do-si-do...
439
00:26:07,875 --> 00:26:09,542
Back up, guy.
...do-si-do, do-si-do--
440
00:26:09,542 --> 00:26:11,500
( heels screech )
441
00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:12,500
Jesus.
442
00:26:12,500 --> 00:26:14,709
Do-do-si-do, do-si-do,
do-si-do, do-si-do.
443
00:26:14,709 --> 00:26:18,375
Excuse me. Excuse me.
WOMAN 2: Is she all right?
444
00:26:18,375 --> 00:26:20,458
HUSBAND: It's okay.
Excuse me.
445
00:26:20,458 --> 00:26:22,041
Do-si-do.
446
00:26:22,041 --> 00:26:24,083
All right. Okay.
Don't try to move her.
447
00:26:24,083 --> 00:26:25,500
( whispers ):
She's drunk.
448
00:26:25,500 --> 00:26:27,250
There's no need, thank you.
She's blond.
449
00:26:27,250 --> 00:26:29,333
WOMAN: Do-si-do.
WALTER: Jo, you're not a doctor.
450
00:26:29,333 --> 00:26:30,834
JOANNA:
Walter, I can take care of this.
I ran a network.
451
00:26:30,834 --> 00:26:33,125
WALTER: Somebody call 911.
MAN: Mike's here.
452
00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:33,750
Mike.
453
00:26:33,750 --> 00:26:35,667
( sighs )
Do-si-do.
454
00:26:35,667 --> 00:26:36,917
Mike.
455
00:26:36,917 --> 00:26:38,417
Do-si-do.
456
00:26:38,417 --> 00:26:41,166
Do-si-do,
do-si-do, do-si-do.
457
00:26:41,166 --> 00:26:43,291
WALTER: Mike.
MIKE: It's okay. I'm here.
458
00:26:43,291 --> 00:26:44,917
Walter, the missus.
459
00:26:44,917 --> 00:26:46,750
The missus?
Jo, Jo.
460
00:26:46,750 --> 00:26:49,041
Walter,
what is your problem?
461
00:26:49,041 --> 00:26:51,250
MAN 2: Excuse me.
MIKE: Stand back, please.
462
00:26:51,250 --> 00:26:53,750
JOANNA:
Hey! Uh, excuse...
463
00:26:53,750 --> 00:26:56,667
MAN 3: Excuse me.
JOANNA: I can't-- Ex--
464
00:26:56,667 --> 00:26:58,000
Do-si-do, do-si--
465
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,583
( electrical zapping )
466
00:26:59,583 --> 00:27:00,709
What was that?
467
00:27:00,709 --> 00:27:02,542
Herb, Dave,
468
00:27:02,542 --> 00:27:05,417
give me a hand, and we'll get
Sarah right into my Hummer.
469
00:27:05,417 --> 00:27:07,792
Your Hummer?
MAN 4: It's a sweet ride.
470
00:27:07,792 --> 00:27:09,709
It's roomy.
Here you go.
471
00:27:09,709 --> 00:27:12,291
We need an ambulance.
You shouldn't be moving her.
472
00:27:12,291 --> 00:27:13,250
She might need oxygen,
paramedics.
473
00:27:13,250 --> 00:27:15,625
( playing jig )
474
00:27:15,625 --> 00:27:18,291
Everything isn't always
about you, Jo.
475
00:27:18,291 --> 00:27:19,834
Walter.
476
00:27:19,834 --> 00:27:21,458
She'll be fine.
477
00:27:21,458 --> 00:27:24,792
It's-- It's too much sun.
She's dehydrated.
478
00:27:24,792 --> 00:27:25,667
Dehydrated? Are you crazy?
479
00:27:25,667 --> 00:27:28,875
Jo. I'm sorry
about this, Mike.
480
00:27:28,875 --> 00:27:30,542
Joanna. Joanna,
481
00:27:30,542 --> 00:27:34,166
this is
a very special moment.
482
00:27:34,166 --> 00:27:35,542
I would like you
to meet...
483
00:27:35,542 --> 00:27:36,792
Mike Wellington.
484
00:27:36,792 --> 00:27:38,041
My husband.
485
00:27:38,041 --> 00:27:39,208
Oh...
486
00:27:39,208 --> 00:27:40,250
And you must be
the famous Joanna.
487
00:27:40,250 --> 00:27:42,625
You're even prettier
than in the newspapers.
488
00:27:42,625 --> 00:27:44,250
They don't
do you justice.
489
00:27:44,250 --> 00:27:45,959
Excuse me, that woman
is very sick.
490
00:27:45,959 --> 00:27:47,875
Thank you. I should be going
with her.
491
00:27:47,875 --> 00:27:49,667
She'll get all the help
she needs.
492
00:27:49,667 --> 00:27:51,250
Trust me, little lady.
493
00:27:57,166 --> 00:27:59,458
That woman had a seizure,
494
00:27:59,458 --> 00:28:02,000
and she was practically
levitating.
495
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,375
And I have told you
five million times
496
00:28:04,375 --> 00:28:05,083
I phoned Herb.
497
00:28:05,083 --> 00:28:07,542
He said that Sarah is fine.
498
00:28:07,542 --> 00:28:10,250
She just needed some fluids,
just like Mike said.
499
00:28:10,250 --> 00:28:13,834
She was sparking, Walter.
She was dancing.
500
00:28:13,834 --> 00:28:15,458
Then why wasn't there
a doctor anywhere?
501
00:28:15,458 --> 00:28:17,875
And why...?
Shh. Kids.
502
00:28:17,875 --> 00:28:19,041
( groans )
503
00:28:19,041 --> 00:28:20,875
( whispers ):
Why...?
504
00:28:21,208 --> 00:28:23,166
Walter!
505
00:28:23,166 --> 00:28:24,208
Walter!
And why did everyone
506
00:28:24,208 --> 00:28:26,709
just automatically listen
to that Mike person?
507
00:28:26,709 --> 00:28:29,041
And why, why was everyone
just standing there?
508
00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:30,834
You mean why weren't they
just listening to you?
509
00:28:30,834 --> 00:28:34,959
That's not what I'm saying!
Jesus Christ, Joanna!
510
00:28:34,959 --> 00:28:37,083
What?
You were fired,
511
00:28:37,083 --> 00:28:37,875
your kids barely know you,
512
00:28:37,875 --> 00:28:39,959
and our marriage
is falling apart.
513
00:28:39,959 --> 00:28:40,709
Shh!
And your whole attitude
514
00:28:40,709 --> 00:28:43,375
makes people
want to kill you.
515
00:28:43,375 --> 00:28:46,250
It makes people
try to kill you.
516
00:28:46,250 --> 00:28:47,208
That's what
we're doing here.
517
00:28:47,208 --> 00:28:50,208
The people in this town
have been nothing
518
00:28:50,208 --> 00:28:53,625
but friendly and welcoming
and wonderful to you.
519
00:28:53,625 --> 00:28:56,500
And you've been nothing
but snide and suspicious.
520
00:28:56,500 --> 00:28:59,208
And on top of that,
at the picnic you humiliated me.
521
00:28:59,208 --> 00:29:00,709
Well, I can't do it anymore.
522
00:29:00,709 --> 00:29:02,291
I can't keep fighting you
523
00:29:02,291 --> 00:29:05,375
for every inch of everything.
Game over.
524
00:29:05,375 --> 00:29:08,417
Marriage over.
Oh, no!
525
00:29:08,417 --> 00:29:09,750
No!
526
00:29:09,750 --> 00:29:10,709
No what?
527
00:29:10,709 --> 00:29:11,542
Please don't go.
528
00:29:11,542 --> 00:29:15,166
Why not?
Because you're right.
529
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,750
Wait, I'm sorry.
I don't think I heard that.
530
00:29:19,750 --> 00:29:21,792
What did you just say?
531
00:29:24,250 --> 00:29:26,583
I said, you're right.
532
00:29:26,583 --> 00:29:28,250
About?
533
00:29:28,250 --> 00:29:30,917
About everything.
534
00:29:32,959 --> 00:29:35,750
Oh... About me.
535
00:30:02,083 --> 00:30:06,375
Do you know why I signed on
at the network?
536
00:30:06,375 --> 00:30:07,959
Because I thought
that if I was around,
537
00:30:07,959 --> 00:30:10,625
I could help you
lighten up.
538
00:30:10,625 --> 00:30:12,458
You did?
539
00:30:12,458 --> 00:30:15,125
Yeah, I did. What was that
one show called?
540
00:30:15,125 --> 00:30:15,959
I Can Do Everybody?
541
00:30:15,959 --> 00:30:18,792
( laughs )
See, that's what I mean.
542
00:30:18,792 --> 00:30:21,792
I wanted to make you laugh.
543
00:30:22,834 --> 00:30:26,834
That's so sweet,
but I...
544
00:30:26,834 --> 00:30:28,959
I was busy.
I was...
545
00:30:28,959 --> 00:30:32,041
I was running
a network, Walter.
546
00:30:32,041 --> 00:30:35,208
You were so busy that we haven't
made love in over a year.
547
00:30:35,208 --> 00:30:37,041
I know.
548
00:30:37,041 --> 00:30:39,709
Well, I miss you.
I...
549
00:30:39,709 --> 00:30:45,250
But I've always loved you
so much. I...
550
00:30:45,250 --> 00:30:48,000
You know that.
551
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,750
Why?
552
00:30:50,750 --> 00:30:54,208
Because...
Because...
553
00:30:54,208 --> 00:30:56,875
...you're goofy,
and you're...
554
00:30:56,875 --> 00:30:59,583
You're handsome,
and you're... You're...
555
00:30:59,583 --> 00:31:04,500
You're my Walter.
556
00:31:04,500 --> 00:31:07,333
And because when
you play computer chess
557
00:31:07,333 --> 00:31:09,333
you do that little, uh...
558
00:31:09,333 --> 00:31:12,250
You do that little victory
dance. Whoo-whoo.
559
00:31:12,250 --> 00:31:14,208
I do not. I don't do that.
560
00:31:14,208 --> 00:31:16,542
Yes, you do.
No, I don't.
561
00:31:16,542 --> 00:31:18,166
Mm-hm.
562
00:31:20,625 --> 00:31:21,375
Ah...
563
00:31:21,375 --> 00:31:24,875
But if I'm not
the smartest
564
00:31:24,875 --> 00:31:27,375
and the best of the best
and the most successful,
565
00:31:27,375 --> 00:31:30,125
then I don't know,
who am I?
566
00:31:30,125 --> 00:31:32,333
Do you wanna find out?
567
00:31:33,959 --> 00:31:35,458
How?
568
00:31:36,375 --> 00:31:38,959
First of all,
we're in the country now,
569
00:31:38,959 --> 00:31:40,250
so no more black.
570
00:31:40,250 --> 00:31:41,959
No more black? Are you insane?
You heard me.
571
00:31:41,959 --> 00:31:45,000
Only high-powered,
neurotic, castrating,
572
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:46,959
Manhattan career bitches
wear black.
573
00:31:46,959 --> 00:31:48,542
Is that what you wanna be?
574
00:31:48,542 --> 00:31:51,959
Ever since
I was a little girl.
575
00:31:53,083 --> 00:31:54,792
( sighs )
576
00:31:55,834 --> 00:31:58,792
Do I really look okay?
577
00:32:00,792 --> 00:32:01,333
Can I be honest?
578
00:32:01,333 --> 00:32:03,417
Mm-hm.
579
00:32:03,417 --> 00:32:05,041
You look kind of
like Betty Crocker.
580
00:32:05,041 --> 00:32:06,417
I know.
581
00:32:06,417 --> 00:32:08,542
At Betty Ford.
ELECTRONIC VOICE: We need milk.
582
00:32:08,542 --> 00:32:10,125
We need milk. We need milk.
Thank you.
583
00:32:10,125 --> 00:32:13,750
Look, I'm trying to make
an effort to change.
584
00:32:13,750 --> 00:32:16,333
I mean, last night my husband
was a different person.
585
00:32:16,333 --> 00:32:19,750
He was strong, he was forceful,
he was commanding.
586
00:32:19,750 --> 00:32:21,375
Like your refrigerator.
587
00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:24,250
Well, nobody said it was gonna
be easy being a homemaker
588
00:32:24,250 --> 00:32:25,250
and a stay-at-home mom.
589
00:32:25,250 --> 00:32:28,583
It's the toughest job
in the world, right?
590
00:32:28,583 --> 00:32:29,917
Well, that may be,
but these Stepford women,
591
00:32:29,917 --> 00:32:32,250
they're a whole
other dimension.
592
00:32:32,250 --> 00:32:33,417
Oh, like yesterday,
593
00:32:33,417 --> 00:32:35,834
that poor lady,
Sarah Sunderson.
594
00:32:35,834 --> 00:32:37,709
Walter said she's fine.
595
00:32:37,709 --> 00:32:40,083
But you said she was shooting
off sparks from her ears.
596
00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:41,291
Now, that's the first sign.
597
00:32:41,291 --> 00:32:42,792
Of what?
Cheap jewelry.
598
00:32:44,208 --> 00:32:45,959
We should go see her.
Why?
599
00:32:45,959 --> 00:32:48,166
Because we need to be
supportive.
600
00:32:48,166 --> 00:32:51,542
That's how people behave
outside of Manhattan.
601
00:32:51,542 --> 00:32:53,000
They care about each other.
602
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:54,750
I mean, if you were in New York
603
00:32:54,750 --> 00:32:56,625
and one of your neighbors
got sick, what would you do?
604
00:32:56,625 --> 00:32:58,625
We'd call her.
To see if she was gonna die.
605
00:32:58,625 --> 00:32:59,375
So we could get the apartment.
606
00:32:59,375 --> 00:33:03,208
Let's go. Hm?
Up. Up. Up.
607
00:33:03,208 --> 00:33:05,333
( knocking )
608
00:33:05,333 --> 00:33:08,166
JOANNA:
Sarah?
609
00:33:08,166 --> 00:33:11,834
Yoo-hoo.
Yoo-hoo? Is she in there?
610
00:33:11,834 --> 00:33:13,709
What are you doing?
It's open.
611
00:33:13,709 --> 00:33:16,125
That's amazing.
So sweet.
612
00:33:16,125 --> 00:33:18,041
And so trusting.
613
00:33:21,792 --> 00:33:23,333
Roger.
614
00:33:23,333 --> 00:33:24,000
Roger.
615
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:27,959
Look at this place.
Wow.
616
00:33:27,959 --> 00:33:31,041
Sarah?
Sarah?
617
00:33:31,041 --> 00:33:32,542
( scoffs )
618
00:33:32,542 --> 00:33:34,458
( woman and man
moaning passionately )
619
00:33:34,458 --> 00:33:37,375
Roger.
620
00:33:37,375 --> 00:33:40,208
( woman moans, squeals )
621
00:33:40,208 --> 00:33:42,667
WOMAN:
Oh, Herb.
622
00:33:42,667 --> 00:33:47,000
HERB: Oh, baby.
WOMAN: Oh! Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
623
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,125
Oh, make me beg!
Yeah!
624
00:33:49,125 --> 00:33:50,667
Oh! Oh!
625
00:33:50,667 --> 00:33:53,500
Oh, I'm so lucky!
( rhythmic thudding )
626
00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:55,834
Oh, my God.
Is that a DVD?
627
00:33:55,834 --> 00:33:58,458
No, it's them.
628
00:33:58,458 --> 00:34:01,041
SARAH:
Uh-huh. Oh... Oh! Oh...
629
00:34:01,041 --> 00:34:03,166
Oh, you're the king!
630
00:34:03,166 --> 00:34:03,625
Uh-huh! Oh! Oh!
( laughs )
631
00:34:03,625 --> 00:34:07,542
Yes! Oh! Oh! Oh!
632
00:34:07,542 --> 00:34:11,291
( Sarah shrieking piercingly )
633
00:34:13,166 --> 00:34:16,917
( shrieking continues )
634
00:34:16,917 --> 00:34:19,792
( shrieking dies out,
Sarah inhales deeply )
635
00:34:19,792 --> 00:34:21,333
SARAH: Oh!
636
00:34:21,333 --> 00:34:24,166
I'm going up there.
Why?
637
00:34:24,166 --> 00:34:25,875
Roger!
I want some.
638
00:34:25,875 --> 00:34:28,542
Roger.
Roger.
639
00:34:28,542 --> 00:34:29,417
( Sarah giggling )
640
00:34:29,417 --> 00:34:32,375
Shh.
641
00:34:33,500 --> 00:34:35,750
Shh, shh, shh.
642
00:34:35,750 --> 00:34:40,041
HERB: Baby, grab me some nachos.
SARAH: Yes, dear.
643
00:34:40,041 --> 00:34:41,917
JOANNA:
We should get out of here.
644
00:34:41,917 --> 00:34:43,458
ROGER:
Shh.
645
00:34:44,750 --> 00:34:47,458
What's this?
646
00:34:47,458 --> 00:34:48,792
Ooh.
647
00:34:48,792 --> 00:34:51,583
Roger, put it down.
What? Oh, come on. Shh.
648
00:34:51,583 --> 00:34:53,750
JOANNA: Roger.
Why does it say Sarah?
649
00:34:53,750 --> 00:34:54,709
Roger, you should put
it down now.
650
00:34:54,709 --> 00:34:57,250
Let's get out of here.
This isn't our house.
651
00:34:57,250 --> 00:34:59,083
Oh, stop.
Would you just quit?
652
00:34:59,083 --> 00:35:00,750
( button beeps )
JOANNA: We have to, Roger.
653
00:35:00,750 --> 00:35:02,625
BOBBIE:
For God's sake,
we're trespassing.
654
00:35:02,625 --> 00:35:04,583
We have
to get out of here.
655
00:35:04,583 --> 00:35:05,875
Put it down.
Come on.
656
00:35:05,875 --> 00:35:07,417
Okay, let's try
and use this.
657
00:35:07,417 --> 00:35:09,583
We have to go.
( thud )
658
00:35:13,375 --> 00:35:16,375
ROGER:
She's coming.
She's coming.
659
00:35:16,375 --> 00:35:18,250
BOBBIE:
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
660
00:35:20,875 --> 00:35:23,709
( laughing,
talking indistinctly )
661
00:35:26,583 --> 00:35:28,792
I'm so embarrassed.
662
00:35:28,792 --> 00:35:29,583
I'm mortified.
I'm famished.
663
00:35:29,583 --> 00:35:31,959
Oh! Ooh!
664
00:35:33,375 --> 00:35:35,709
( dramatic chord plays )
665
00:35:35,709 --> 00:35:38,125
JOANNA: Bobbie.
Yeah?
666
00:35:38,125 --> 00:35:39,959
Are you making anthrax?
667
00:35:39,959 --> 00:35:40,709
Excuse me.
668
00:35:40,709 --> 00:35:42,959
I've been busy.
My new book.
669
00:35:42,959 --> 00:35:44,625
But can't you hire someone
to clean?
670
00:35:44,625 --> 00:35:46,083
Someone brave?
671
00:35:46,083 --> 00:35:49,041
Dave says I got to do it myself,
like Sarah Sunderson.
672
00:35:49,041 --> 00:35:50,166
Ooh, could you believe her?
673
00:35:50,166 --> 00:35:51,166
But, darling,
her home is spotless.
674
00:35:51,166 --> 00:35:53,125
And she's having
incredible sex
675
00:35:53,125 --> 00:35:56,834
in the middle of the day
with her husband.
676
00:35:56,834 --> 00:35:57,959
Well, I'm sorry,
677
00:35:57,959 --> 00:35:59,875
but my shrink says
I need creative chaos.
678
00:35:59,875 --> 00:36:01,333
My therapist says
I need boundaries.
679
00:36:01,333 --> 00:36:02,750
My doctor
said I need
680
00:36:02,750 --> 00:36:04,333
enough electricity
to jumpstart Vegas.
681
00:36:04,333 --> 00:36:05,333
Whoo!
682
00:36:05,333 --> 00:36:06,458
You ever done Zoloft?
683
00:36:06,458 --> 00:36:07,709
Oh! Kid stuff.
684
00:36:07,709 --> 00:36:10,166
Xanax. I worship Xanax.
I'm old-fashioned.
685
00:36:10,166 --> 00:36:13,291
I like Prozac
with a Viagra chaser.
686
00:36:13,291 --> 00:36:15,500
You're up,
and you're up!
687
00:36:15,500 --> 00:36:16,834
Oh, Roger.
688
00:36:16,834 --> 00:36:18,500
Viagra.
689
00:36:18,500 --> 00:36:22,750
Hey, is there something
that you need to tell us?
690
00:36:22,750 --> 00:36:23,291
Well...
691
00:36:23,291 --> 00:36:24,709
Sharing.
Mm-hm.
692
00:36:24,709 --> 00:36:28,625
Okay. Okay.
693
00:36:29,667 --> 00:36:33,125
Jerry and I have been
in couple's counseling...
694
00:36:33,125 --> 00:36:35,375
for over a year...
695
00:36:35,375 --> 00:36:36,792
and finally...
696
00:36:36,792 --> 00:36:37,750
Finally I just couldn't
take it anymore.
697
00:36:37,750 --> 00:36:41,458
I howled, "You've become
a gay Republican."
698
00:36:41,458 --> 00:36:44,583
And he said,
"What's wrong with that?"
699
00:36:44,583 --> 00:36:46,166
I said,
"What's wrong with that?
700
00:36:46,166 --> 00:36:48,750
That's like wanting to be gay
with a bad haircut."
701
00:36:48,750 --> 00:36:50,250
Exactly.
702
00:36:50,250 --> 00:36:53,208
So the counselor suggested
that we move to the 'burbs.
703
00:36:53,208 --> 00:36:54,375
To find a balance.
704
00:36:54,375 --> 00:36:56,458
We moved here
as a last resort.
705
00:36:56,458 --> 00:36:59,375
Court order. Don't ask.
706
00:36:59,375 --> 00:37:02,375
Okay. I know
this is unthinkable,
707
00:37:02,375 --> 00:37:07,083
but what if we could actually
learn how to be happy...
708
00:37:07,083 --> 00:37:10,959
without Paxil
or compulsive overeating?
709
00:37:10,959 --> 00:37:14,667
What if we actually gave
this whole thing a try for real,
710
00:37:14,667 --> 00:37:16,583
the whole Stepford thing?
711
00:37:26,625 --> 00:37:29,667
( men yelling in distance )
712
00:37:29,667 --> 00:37:32,792
( loud cheering, shouting )
713
00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:36,291
Get 'em. Get 'em.
Whoo.
714
00:37:37,458 --> 00:37:40,583
Hey, yeah!
Only one can survive.
715
00:37:40,583 --> 00:37:42,959
Zeus! Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!
716
00:37:42,959 --> 00:37:45,375
Zeus! Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!
717
00:37:45,375 --> 00:37:47,125
Zeus! Zeus!
Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!
718
00:37:47,125 --> 00:37:48,542
DAVE:
Come on, Kresbo, baby.
719
00:37:48,542 --> 00:37:49,125
Zeus! Zeus!
Rip her bra off!
720
00:37:49,125 --> 00:37:51,583
MEN: Zeus! Zeus! Zeus!
721
00:37:51,583 --> 00:37:54,500
Yeah!
Yeah!
722
00:37:54,500 --> 00:37:57,792
Zeus rules the universe!
723
00:37:59,083 --> 00:38:03,417
And Ted owes Walter
20 big ones!
724
00:38:04,458 --> 00:38:06,417
Ah, to be a man.
725
00:38:06,417 --> 00:38:08,083
Whoo!
726
00:38:09,041 --> 00:38:10,375
( Walter sighs )
727
00:38:10,375 --> 00:38:13,041
So, Walt,
728
00:38:13,041 --> 00:38:16,291
you and Stepford,
it seems like a real match.
729
00:38:16,291 --> 00:38:21,250
I'll say. I mean, the town
and the houses. This place.
730
00:38:21,250 --> 00:38:24,625
Well, it's like a dream.
It's like...
731
00:38:24,625 --> 00:38:26,917
Like the way life
was meant to be.
732
00:38:26,917 --> 00:38:30,375
And all of your wives.
Oh, my God.
733
00:38:30,375 --> 00:38:35,750
Oh, my God.
They're so... So, um...
734
00:38:35,750 --> 00:38:37,834
Sweet?
( men chuckling )
735
00:38:37,834 --> 00:38:39,625
Sizzling?
736
00:38:39,625 --> 00:38:41,125
Super fine?
737
00:38:41,125 --> 00:38:43,375
( men laugh )
738
00:38:43,375 --> 00:38:47,417
( bright, pastoral theme plays )
739
00:39:04,333 --> 00:39:05,792
Well... ( laughs )
740
00:39:06,834 --> 00:39:08,875
We are all so thrilled
to be here
741
00:39:08,875 --> 00:39:10,750
at the Stepford Book Club,
742
00:39:10,750 --> 00:39:12,667
I can't tell you.
743
00:39:12,667 --> 00:39:13,792
Mm.
744
00:39:13,792 --> 00:39:16,709
Now, I have just finished
the third volume
745
00:39:16,709 --> 00:39:19,834
of Robert Caro's
Life of Lyndon Johnson,
746
00:39:19,834 --> 00:39:23,417
and I am dying
for the next installment.
747
00:39:24,458 --> 00:39:26,333
Well... ( laughs )
748
00:39:26,333 --> 00:39:28,625
That's all marvelous,
749
00:39:28,625 --> 00:39:30,834
but today we are going
to discuss...
750
00:39:30,834 --> 00:39:32,333
Well, it is probably
751
00:39:32,333 --> 00:39:35,709
the most important book
any of us will ever read.
752
00:39:35,709 --> 00:39:41,041
Yes, it is provocative,
but it is also inspiring.
753
00:39:41,041 --> 00:39:44,792
The Heritage Hills Special
Edition Golden Deluxe Treasury
754
00:39:44,792 --> 00:39:47,041
of Christmas Keepsakes
and Collectibles.
755
00:39:47,041 --> 00:39:49,417
( gasping, squealing )
756
00:39:51,041 --> 00:39:53,625
( applause, chattering )
757
00:39:57,667 --> 00:39:59,250
This book said to me,
758
00:39:59,250 --> 00:40:02,375
"Let's celebrate the birth
of our Lord Jesus Christ
759
00:40:02,375 --> 00:40:03,875
with yarn."
760
00:40:03,875 --> 00:40:05,667
( sighing )
WOMAN: That's beautiful.
761
00:40:05,667 --> 00:40:07,000
Now, Bobbie,
762
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:08,917
we all realize you're
probably feeling
763
00:40:08,917 --> 00:40:10,500
a bit uncomfortable
with this week's book
764
00:40:10,500 --> 00:40:11,834
because you're...
765
00:40:11,834 --> 00:40:13,667
Oh, what's the word
I'm looking for?
766
00:40:13,667 --> 00:40:14,625
New?
767
00:40:14,625 --> 00:40:16,333
Scared?
Cranky?
768
00:40:16,333 --> 00:40:17,500
Jewish.
769
00:40:17,500 --> 00:40:18,792
Same thing.
770
00:40:18,792 --> 00:40:20,750
But the Heritage Hill series
is very inclusive.
771
00:40:20,750 --> 00:40:26,083
In fact, there is a whole
chapter about Hanukkah.
772
00:40:26,083 --> 00:40:27,333
WOMEN:
Oh.
773
00:40:27,333 --> 00:40:29,166
I just love the chapter
on pinecones.
774
00:40:29,166 --> 00:40:31,542
They're not just
for wreaths and centerpieces.
775
00:40:31,542 --> 00:40:34,417
You can use pinecones to create
a very special Yuletide menorah.
776
00:40:34,417 --> 00:40:37,500
Your pinecone snowman
could be Jewish.
777
00:40:37,500 --> 00:40:39,250
Just add one
of those little beanies.
778
00:40:39,250 --> 00:40:42,083
Or maybe I could just use
hundreds of pinecones
779
00:40:42,083 --> 00:40:44,417
to spell out the words,
"Big Jew,"
780
00:40:44,417 --> 00:40:47,959
in letters 15 feet tall
in the snow in my front yard.
781
00:40:52,125 --> 00:40:54,917
That's a wonderful idea.
( women laugh )
782
00:40:54,917 --> 00:40:58,000
WOMAN: Oh, yes, yes.
WOMAN 2: That's very wonderful.
783
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:00,000
WOMAN 3: Yes.
WOMAN 4: She's so smart.
784
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:04,125
I love the idea of creating
a life-sized Santa Claus,
785
00:41:04,125 --> 00:41:05,792
all out of pinecones.
Okay, I love that.
786
00:41:05,792 --> 00:41:11,125
I'm going to use a pinecone in
my nativity as the baby Jesus.
787
00:41:11,125 --> 00:41:14,792
And I'm going to attach
a pinecone to my vibrator
788
00:41:14,792 --> 00:41:17,333
and have a really
merry Christmas.
789
00:41:17,333 --> 00:41:18,875
Oh...
790
00:41:20,625 --> 00:41:22,959
Here comes Santa Claus,
here comes Santa Claus ♪
791
00:41:22,959 --> 00:41:23,959
Right down Santa Claus Lane ♪
792
00:41:23,959 --> 00:41:26,834
He's got a bag
that's filled with toys ♪
793
00:41:26,834 --> 00:41:29,125
For the boys and girls again ♪
794
00:41:29,125 --> 00:41:30,208
Hear those sleigh bells
jingle-jangle ♪
795
00:41:30,208 --> 00:41:32,792
What a beautiful sight ♪
796
00:41:32,792 --> 00:41:35,041
So jump in bed,
cover up your head ♪
797
00:41:35,041 --> 00:41:36,667
Because Santa Claus
comes tonight ♪
798
00:41:36,667 --> 00:41:39,417
CLAIRE: Who?
Santa Claus comes tonight ♪
799
00:41:39,417 --> 00:41:41,041
( men laughing )
800
00:41:41,041 --> 00:41:43,834
Joanna, how is she
fitting in?
801
00:41:43,834 --> 00:41:45,375
Well...
802
00:41:46,834 --> 00:41:48,834
Okay...
803
00:41:48,834 --> 00:41:50,458
I'm among friends, right?
804
00:41:50,458 --> 00:41:51,667
Of course.
Yeah.
805
00:41:51,667 --> 00:41:53,000
So...
806
00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:56,500
Joanna and I had this big talk,
807
00:41:56,500 --> 00:41:58,542
and we were really open
with each other.
808
00:41:58,542 --> 00:42:02,583
I mean, we really
got it all out.
809
00:42:02,583 --> 00:42:04,208
And I think from now on...
810
00:42:05,834 --> 00:42:07,333
...she's gonna be very,
very different.
811
00:42:07,333 --> 00:42:09,959
( stifled laughter )
812
00:42:12,500 --> 00:42:16,333
You think Joanna's
really going to change?
813
00:42:16,333 --> 00:42:20,917
Yes, I do. Absolutely.
814
00:42:20,917 --> 00:42:23,417
And how long
have you been married?
815
00:42:23,417 --> 00:42:25,709
( laughter )
816
00:42:31,792 --> 00:42:33,500
( laughter fades )
Ted!
817
00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:34,875
Yes.
818
00:42:34,875 --> 00:42:37,125
Don't you owe Walter $20?
819
00:42:41,583 --> 00:42:45,083
That's absolutely right,
I do.
820
00:42:45,083 --> 00:42:46,875
Babe!
821
00:42:46,875 --> 00:42:48,291
( footsteps )
822
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:57,625
Yes, darling?
823
00:42:57,625 --> 00:43:00,792
Walt, sit down.
824
00:43:03,041 --> 00:43:04,875
( sighs )
825
00:43:04,875 --> 00:43:06,917
I need 20.
826
00:43:06,917 --> 00:43:10,125
You know my PIN.
Of course.
827
00:43:11,291 --> 00:43:13,041
( teeth clicking,
electronic beep )
828
00:43:13,041 --> 00:43:13,709
( beeping, whirring )
829
00:43:13,709 --> 00:43:16,458
( beeping, clicking )
830
00:43:16,458 --> 00:43:21,000
( buzzing, whirring )
831
00:43:22,208 --> 00:43:23,834
( gears grinding )
832
00:43:40,083 --> 00:43:44,625
( eerie waltz theme playing,
ethereal chorus vocalizing )
833
00:43:59,166 --> 00:44:01,250
She gives singles.
834
00:44:04,917 --> 00:44:07,875
( men chuckle, laugh )
835
00:44:07,875 --> 00:44:10,625
( men clapping )
836
00:44:17,291 --> 00:44:19,000
( beep, motor whirs down )
837
00:44:20,625 --> 00:44:22,250
( man laughs,
speaks indistinctly )
838
00:44:23,792 --> 00:44:25,792
( timer chimes )
839
00:44:27,166 --> 00:44:28,667
Ah.
840
00:44:33,083 --> 00:44:34,917
Are these all
for day camp tomorrow?
841
00:44:34,917 --> 00:44:37,542
I just want you
to be proud of me, honey.
842
00:44:37,542 --> 00:44:38,500
( Robo Rover barks )
843
00:44:38,500 --> 00:44:41,542
PETE:
Dad, watch this.
844
00:44:41,542 --> 00:44:44,041
Ball.
845
00:44:44,041 --> 00:44:45,333
( squeaks )
Hm?
846
00:44:45,333 --> 00:44:47,917
Aren't robots cool?
847
00:44:47,917 --> 00:44:50,041
Oh, yeah.
848
00:44:50,041 --> 00:44:53,667
May I speak to the man
of the house?
849
00:44:53,667 --> 00:44:55,417
Snot-butt.
Bugmaster Markowitz.
850
00:44:55,417 --> 00:44:57,583
Stone-cold Thriller
Killer Kresbo.
851
00:44:57,583 --> 00:44:58,792
Cupcakes, anyone?
852
00:44:58,792 --> 00:45:01,250
Cupcakes!
Cupcakes.
853
00:45:01,250 --> 00:45:01,834
Hey, right on time.
854
00:45:01,834 --> 00:45:04,083
Jo, these are smoking.
855
00:45:04,083 --> 00:45:05,542
Why don't you make
stuff like this?
856
00:45:05,542 --> 00:45:06,500
Why don't you?
857
00:45:06,500 --> 00:45:09,250
Because I have a penis.
858
00:45:09,250 --> 00:45:12,125
We should get moving.
Yeah, we got a meeting.
859
00:45:12,125 --> 00:45:13,834
At the Men's
Association.
860
00:45:13,834 --> 00:45:16,583
When will you
be home, honey?
861
00:45:19,542 --> 00:45:22,417
When I'm home.
862
00:45:22,417 --> 00:45:24,458
( door opens, closes )
( sighs )
863
00:45:24,458 --> 00:45:26,500
( speaking indistinctly )
864
00:45:41,709 --> 00:45:44,291
Call a sitter.
865
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:54,417
JOANNA ( whispers ):
Bobbie, are you
sure about this?
866
00:45:54,417 --> 00:45:56,875
BOBBIE:
We're not spying.
We're just visiting.
867
00:45:56,875 --> 00:46:00,333
Fellas, I can't tell you
how happy we are
868
00:46:00,333 --> 00:46:02,083
to welcome
all of this new blood.
869
00:46:02,083 --> 00:46:04,750
MAN: You said it, Mike.
MAN 2: That's right.
870
00:46:04,750 --> 00:46:07,166
ROGER:
I love, love this space.
871
00:46:07,166 --> 00:46:10,792
It's very Ralph Lauren
meets Sherlock Holmes.
872
00:46:10,792 --> 00:46:12,834
To me, it says,
"I have taste and a scrotum."
873
00:46:12,834 --> 00:46:14,000
Roger, you promised.
What?
874
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:15,792
Whore.
Bore.
875
00:46:15,792 --> 00:46:17,041
Sorry.
876
00:46:17,041 --> 00:46:19,083
No, no, no.
Jerry, you're gonna find
877
00:46:19,083 --> 00:46:20,750
that Stepford
is very open-minded and...
878
00:46:20,750 --> 00:46:22,000
MAN: Oh, yeah.
879
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:23,500
...we welcome you
and your partner,
880
00:46:23,500 --> 00:46:25,000
just like
any other couple.
881
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:26,583
MAN 2: Absolutely. Any other.
MAN 3: Of course.
882
00:46:26,583 --> 00:46:28,417
MAN 4: That's right.
Girlfriend.
883
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:31,834
Miss-- Miss Thing.
884
00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:35,583
To Stepford!
885
00:46:35,583 --> 00:46:38,375
( in unison ):
Stepford!
886
00:46:38,375 --> 00:46:40,166
( men chattering )
887
00:46:40,166 --> 00:46:41,792
MAN 5: You bet.
888
00:46:41,792 --> 00:46:43,417
MAN 6: Yeah.
889
00:46:43,417 --> 00:46:45,542
( chattering continues )
890
00:46:46,792 --> 00:46:48,458
Dang it.
Come on, let's go.
891
00:46:48,458 --> 00:46:51,208
You think this is all right,
sneaking around?
892
00:46:51,208 --> 00:46:52,625
Add it up.
893
00:46:52,625 --> 00:46:56,750
All the women around here
are perfect sex-kitten bimbos.
894
00:46:56,750 --> 00:46:59,542
All the men are drooling nerds.
895
00:46:59,542 --> 00:47:01,917
Doesn't that seem strange?
Not to me.
896
00:47:01,917 --> 00:47:04,125
Why not?
I work in television.
897
00:47:04,125 --> 00:47:05,834
Oh, come on.
898
00:47:05,834 --> 00:47:09,208
You know, Walter,
I think Joanna is right.
899
00:47:09,208 --> 00:47:10,542
I think Stepford
is the answer.
900
00:47:10,542 --> 00:47:13,750
She's a great gal.
Or she will be.
901
00:47:13,750 --> 00:47:15,458
( thud )
902
00:47:18,583 --> 00:47:22,166
BOBBIE: Come on, help me up.
JOANNA: We shouldn't be here.
903
00:47:22,166 --> 00:47:23,875
Oh, come on.
Don't be such a chicken.
904
00:47:23,875 --> 00:47:28,750
I should be home
with my cupcakes.
Why?
905
00:47:28,750 --> 00:47:31,375
Because you only made
5,000 of them?
906
00:47:31,375 --> 00:47:35,834
We're trespassing.
Only if we get caught.
907
00:47:36,750 --> 00:47:39,125
Damn, I can't see a thing.
908
00:47:39,125 --> 00:47:41,000
Oh, there's the light.
There it is.
909
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:43,417
No, Bobbie.
910
00:47:57,834 --> 00:48:01,375
This is like
some alien freak show.
911
00:48:01,375 --> 00:48:03,709
Why? They're just
family portraits.
912
00:48:03,709 --> 00:48:05,250
Yeah, that's what I said.
913
00:48:06,458 --> 00:48:08,583
( footsteps approaching )
914
00:48:09,667 --> 00:48:11,625
The lights.
915
00:48:14,875 --> 00:48:16,458
We should
get out of here.
916
00:48:16,458 --> 00:48:18,291
Shh!
917
00:48:20,333 --> 00:48:22,625
Should we run?
Shh.
918
00:48:28,166 --> 00:48:30,125
Oh, my God.
919
00:49:02,041 --> 00:49:04,792
( imitates Hannibal Lecter ):
Clarice?
920
00:49:04,792 --> 00:49:06,166
( tongue flicking lips )
921
00:49:06,166 --> 00:49:07,417
Hi, girls!
922
00:49:07,417 --> 00:49:09,083
Roger!
923
00:49:09,083 --> 00:49:10,500
You scared us.
924
00:49:10,500 --> 00:49:11,625
What are you doing in here?
What's going on?
925
00:49:11,625 --> 00:49:15,500
Do they have hookers or old
Playboys or cable porn?
926
00:49:15,500 --> 00:49:17,000
Oh, please.
They barely have throw pillows.
927
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:18,917
( footsteps approaching )
Ooh!
928
00:49:18,917 --> 00:49:22,333
BOBBIE: They're coming.
The menfolk.
929
00:49:22,333 --> 00:49:24,583
Call us.
Okay.
930
00:49:25,542 --> 00:49:27,500
MIKE: Rog?
931
00:49:29,166 --> 00:49:31,959
What was it?
Did you see anyone?
932
00:49:31,959 --> 00:49:33,458
Not a soul.
933
00:49:33,458 --> 00:49:36,667
But what's back here anyway,
in all of these rooms?
934
00:49:36,667 --> 00:49:38,542
Storage? Sweaters?
935
00:49:38,542 --> 00:49:40,125
Bodies?
936
00:49:40,125 --> 00:49:41,250
Jerry.
937
00:49:41,250 --> 00:49:43,542
Do you see that door
on your left?
938
00:49:43,542 --> 00:49:45,834
Check it out.
939
00:49:45,834 --> 00:49:48,583
Oh, boy.
940
00:49:51,625 --> 00:49:53,917
Why, I can't see anything.
It's dark.
941
00:49:53,917 --> 00:49:55,583
Use your flashlight.
Oh.
942
00:49:55,583 --> 00:49:56,917
I feel like Nancy Drew
943
00:49:56,917 --> 00:50:00,125
in The Mystery
of the Mid-life Crisis.
944
00:50:05,333 --> 00:50:08,041
Hm. What am I looking for?
945
00:50:08,041 --> 00:50:10,166
Look down.
946
00:50:10,166 --> 00:50:12,417
( motor whirring )
947
00:50:15,166 --> 00:50:16,333
( whirring stops )
948
00:50:16,333 --> 00:50:18,083
( scoffs )
949
00:50:19,083 --> 00:50:20,583
Uh...
950
00:50:23,917 --> 00:50:25,917
Jerry?
951
00:50:29,375 --> 00:50:32,625
Roger!
952
00:50:33,667 --> 00:50:35,166
Roger!
953
00:50:35,166 --> 00:50:37,834
Bobbie.
Roger!
954
00:50:37,834 --> 00:50:39,917
Bobbie?
Roger!
955
00:50:42,250 --> 00:50:44,500
Roger said there was
nothing going on
956
00:50:44,500 --> 00:50:45,875
at the Men's Association.
957
00:50:45,875 --> 00:50:46,834
Well, then why doesn't
he answer the phone?
958
00:50:46,834 --> 00:50:49,875
It's been two days.
Bobbie.
959
00:50:49,875 --> 00:50:52,083
Roger!
960
00:50:52,083 --> 00:50:54,166
Roger!
961
00:50:57,208 --> 00:50:59,083
Isn't that
his favorite shirt,
962
00:50:59,083 --> 00:51:01,583
the Dolce & Gabbana?
963
00:51:05,959 --> 00:51:07,875
And the Guccis.
964
00:51:07,875 --> 00:51:10,542
And the Versace.
Maybe he's donating them.
965
00:51:10,542 --> 00:51:13,125
To what?
The gay homeless?
966
00:51:13,125 --> 00:51:15,458
He loved this.
967
00:51:16,458 --> 00:51:19,291
His program
from Hairspray.
968
00:51:19,291 --> 00:51:21,500
Oh, my God.
What is it?
969
00:51:23,542 --> 00:51:25,667
Viggo.
970
00:51:27,417 --> 00:51:30,041
( marching band plays fanfare )
971
00:51:42,333 --> 00:51:44,875
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm Jerry Harmon, and I--
972
00:51:44,875 --> 00:51:49,542
I know I'm pretty new here,
but already I feel so at home.
973
00:51:49,542 --> 00:51:51,917
But why did Jerry ask us
to meet him here?
974
00:51:51,917 --> 00:51:54,834
JERRY:
Proud that I can introduce
975
00:51:54,834 --> 00:51:57,083
Stepford's brand-new candidate
for state senate.
976
00:51:57,083 --> 00:52:01,375
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Mr. Roger Bannister.
977
00:52:01,709 --> 00:52:04,083
What?
978
00:52:04,083 --> 00:52:05,792
( band plays fanfare )
979
00:52:09,208 --> 00:52:11,500
He's wonderful.
980
00:52:21,125 --> 00:52:22,834
ROGER:
Thank you.
981
00:52:22,834 --> 00:52:24,917
Thank you so much.
982
00:52:24,917 --> 00:52:25,959
You may very well ask,
983
00:52:25,959 --> 00:52:28,291
what are my qualifications
for higher office?
984
00:52:28,291 --> 00:52:30,667
Well, I believe in Stepford,
985
00:52:30,667 --> 00:52:33,667
America
and the power of prayer.
986
00:52:33,667 --> 00:52:36,125
Values I've discovered
thanks to my partner,
987
00:52:36,125 --> 00:52:40,792
in life and in the Lord,
Jerry Harmon.
988
00:52:40,792 --> 00:52:43,083
( cheering, applause )
989
00:52:43,083 --> 00:52:44,875
( speaks indistinctly )
990
00:52:44,875 --> 00:52:46,500
Roger. Roger.
991
00:52:46,500 --> 00:52:49,667
Yes. Is there a question?
Mrs. Markowitz?
992
00:52:49,667 --> 00:52:53,166
So... You...
You two are happy now?
993
00:52:53,166 --> 00:52:54,500
More than ever.
994
00:52:54,500 --> 00:52:56,291
Because now I know
that being gay doesn't mean
995
00:52:56,291 --> 00:52:59,542
a guy has to be effeminate
or flamboyant or sensitive.
996
00:52:59,542 --> 00:53:00,917
( deep voice ):
I'm no sissy.
997
00:53:00,917 --> 00:53:02,500
No.
MAN: Way to go, Roger!
998
00:53:02,500 --> 00:53:04,000
MAN 2: That's a man!
999
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:04,959
Roger?
1000
00:53:04,959 --> 00:53:07,333
Yes. Mrs. Walter Kresby.
1001
00:53:07,333 --> 00:53:08,500
Roger, I don't understand.
1002
00:53:08,500 --> 00:53:10,250
You were out there,
you were Roger.
1003
00:53:10,250 --> 00:53:11,542
And now...
1004
00:53:11,542 --> 00:53:13,583
Now you're different.
Your hair, your clothes.
1005
00:53:13,583 --> 00:53:15,000
You're like someone else.
1006
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,667
People change.
1007
00:53:16,667 --> 00:53:18,041
You can't stop Stepford.
1008
00:53:18,041 --> 00:53:22,667
JERRY & CROWD:
You can't stop Stepford.
You can't stop Stepford.
1009
00:53:22,667 --> 00:53:26,166
You can't stop Stepford.
You can't stop Stepford.
1010
00:53:26,166 --> 00:53:28,500
You can't stop Stepford.
You can't stop Stepford.
1011
00:53:28,500 --> 00:53:33,041
You can't stop Stepford.
You can't stop Stepford.
1012
00:53:33,041 --> 00:53:35,709
You can't stop Stepford.
You can't stop Stepford.
1013
00:53:35,709 --> 00:53:39,208
You can't stop Stepford.
You can't stop Stepford.
1014
00:53:39,208 --> 00:53:42,041
You can't stop Stepford.
You can't stop Stepford.
1015
00:53:42,041 --> 00:53:44,750
You can't stop Stepford.
You can't stop Stepford.
1016
00:53:44,750 --> 00:53:47,875
You can't stop Stepford.
You can't stop Stepford.
1017
00:53:47,875 --> 00:53:49,000
So that's why we have
to leave Stepford?
1018
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:51,959
I'm not following.
Okay.
1019
00:53:51,959 --> 00:53:56,834
Before... Roger was witty
and stylish and ironic.
1020
00:53:56,834 --> 00:53:58,709
And I'm sure he still is.
No.
1021
00:53:58,709 --> 00:54:01,667
Now he's making speeches
in a Brooks Brothers suit.
1022
00:54:01,667 --> 00:54:03,792
Hey, there's lots
of ways to be gay.
1023
00:54:03,792 --> 00:54:05,542
Don't try to make him
into a stereotype.
1024
00:54:05,542 --> 00:54:08,083
Oh-ho-ho-ho.
1025
00:54:08,083 --> 00:54:10,875
Bobbie is right,
and she's leaving too.
1026
00:54:10,875 --> 00:54:13,875
This place
does something to people.
1027
00:54:13,875 --> 00:54:18,375
All of the women are always busy
and perfect and smiling,
1028
00:54:18,375 --> 00:54:20,166
and all of the men
are always happy.
1029
00:54:20,166 --> 00:54:22,083
And that's a problem
because...?
1030
00:54:22,083 --> 00:54:24,333
Because it's not
normal, Walter.
1031
00:54:24,333 --> 00:54:28,041
It's-- It's not the world.
It's not us.
1032
00:54:28,041 --> 00:54:31,500
And I'm picking up our kids
from camp right now,
1033
00:54:31,500 --> 00:54:34,583
and we're getting
out of here.
1034
00:54:34,583 --> 00:54:35,959
( sighs )
1035
00:54:35,959 --> 00:54:38,709
With or without you.
1036
00:54:40,250 --> 00:54:41,000
( softly exhales )
1037
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,375
( sofly exhales )
1038
00:54:44,583 --> 00:54:45,917
( sighs )
1039
00:54:47,166 --> 00:54:49,875
( Joanna turning doorknob )
1040
00:54:57,083 --> 00:54:58,458
( pings )
ELECTRONIC VOICE: Secure.
1041
00:54:58,458 --> 00:55:00,959
( yells )
1042
00:55:00,959 --> 00:55:03,208
You'll never change,
will you?
1043
00:55:03,208 --> 00:55:05,917
Not really.
1044
00:55:05,917 --> 00:55:07,792
Open the door.
1045
00:55:10,834 --> 00:55:13,250
( pinging )
1046
00:55:13,250 --> 00:55:15,625
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Unlock front.
1047
00:55:15,625 --> 00:55:17,041
( locks slide open )
1048
00:55:17,041 --> 00:55:19,041
And you're right.
( door opens )
1049
00:55:22,625 --> 00:55:24,417
About what?
1050
00:55:25,709 --> 00:55:30,500
If you're that unhappy,
then we should move.
1051
00:55:30,500 --> 00:55:33,208
Maybe head back
to the city.
1052
00:55:33,208 --> 00:55:35,917
We could leave
tomorrow.
1053
00:55:37,333 --> 00:55:39,000
Thank you.
1054
00:55:40,750 --> 00:55:43,125
( sighs )
1055
00:55:43,125 --> 00:55:44,959
Thank you.
1056
00:55:47,750 --> 00:55:50,333
Mm.
1057
00:56:01,500 --> 00:56:03,792
( whimpering )
1058
00:56:05,041 --> 00:56:05,959
Mm.
1059
00:56:05,959 --> 00:56:08,375
( whimpering continues )
1060
00:56:10,875 --> 00:56:12,583
Huh?
1061
00:56:19,542 --> 00:56:23,834
What you got there? Huh?
1062
00:56:29,291 --> 00:56:32,458
( dramatic chord plays )
1063
00:56:34,875 --> 00:56:37,333
( typing )
1064
00:57:26,125 --> 00:57:28,125
( Robo Rover whines )
1065
00:57:29,625 --> 00:57:31,834
( whines, whimpers )
1066
00:57:34,875 --> 00:57:35,333
WALTER:
Sweetcakes?
1067
00:57:35,333 --> 00:57:36,500
( gasps )
1068
00:57:36,500 --> 00:57:40,500
It's 4 a.m.
What are you up to?
1069
00:57:40,500 --> 00:57:44,208
Just recipes for tomorrow.
I like to get a head start.
1070
00:57:44,208 --> 00:57:45,291
On what?
1071
00:57:45,291 --> 00:57:47,333
Uh, apple pie.
Bobbie recommended it.
1072
00:57:47,333 --> 00:57:49,333
I'll be right up.
1073
00:57:49,333 --> 00:57:50,709
( sighs )
1074
00:57:52,250 --> 00:57:53,959
Walter?
1075
00:57:55,500 --> 00:57:57,250
Babe?
1076
00:58:20,458 --> 00:58:24,291
Bobbie? Bobbie!
1077
00:58:26,959 --> 00:58:28,625
Oh, my God.
1078
00:58:38,417 --> 00:58:40,583
Bobbie?
1079
00:58:54,041 --> 00:58:56,834
Good morning, Joanna.
1080
00:58:59,250 --> 00:59:02,291
Isn't it a lovely morning?
1081
00:59:04,125 --> 00:59:05,834
That's a pretty color.
1082
00:59:05,834 --> 00:59:07,208
BOY: Mom!
BOY 2: Mom!
1083
00:59:07,208 --> 00:59:09,208
Good morning,
my precious ones.
1084
00:59:09,208 --> 00:59:13,041
And thank you for leaving
your requests on my e-mail.
1085
00:59:13,041 --> 00:59:16,500
Adam, you wanted peanut butter
and jelly, no crusts,
1086
00:59:16,500 --> 00:59:18,834
a Snickers bar and a Rolex.
1087
00:59:18,834 --> 00:59:21,125
Ben, here's
a whole-wheat burrito,
1088
00:59:21,125 --> 00:59:22,500
a soy protein shake
1089
00:59:22,500 --> 00:59:24,709
and three pieces
of German chocolate layer cake.
1090
00:59:24,709 --> 00:59:26,875
From scratch?
Of course.
1091
00:59:26,875 --> 00:59:28,041
And, Max,
1092
00:59:28,041 --> 00:59:29,750
you get bacon,
lettuce and tomato
1093
00:59:29,750 --> 00:59:31,750
on a lightly-toasted
sesame seed bagel.
1094
00:59:31,750 --> 00:59:32,542
But what about
my action figures?
1095
00:59:32,542 --> 00:59:35,083
There's Mace Windu
and Amidala.
1096
00:59:35,083 --> 00:59:37,458
Where's Boba Fett?
They were out.
1097
00:59:37,458 --> 00:59:40,500
Mom!
Here's $500.
1098
00:59:40,500 --> 00:59:43,041
All right.
1099
00:59:43,041 --> 00:59:45,333
BOYS ( in unison ):
Bye, Mom. Bye, Joanna.
1100
00:59:45,333 --> 00:59:48,333
Oh, they grow up so fast.
I think I'll have three more.
1101
00:59:48,333 --> 00:59:51,125
Bobbie, listen to me.
What have they done to you, huh?
1102
00:59:51,125 --> 00:59:54,083
What have they done to you?
Is it drugs?
1103
00:59:54,083 --> 00:59:57,667
Is it brainwashing?
Come on, hey, talk to me.
1104
00:59:57,667 --> 00:59:59,333
Of course,
but only for a minute.
1105
00:59:59,333 --> 01:00:02,083
Then I have to get to work
on this pigsty.
Oh, my--
1106
01:00:02,083 --> 01:00:03,917
Coffee?
No. No coffee.
1107
01:00:03,917 --> 01:00:06,417
Bobbie. Bobbie, last night
I went online, all right,
1108
01:00:06,417 --> 01:00:07,583
and I found out
1109
01:00:07,583 --> 01:00:10,583
that all of the women here,
they used to be big deals,
1110
01:00:10,583 --> 01:00:12,625
I mean, big deals.
CEOs, executives, judges.
1111
01:00:12,625 --> 01:00:15,667
Sarah Sunderson,
she used to run an airline.
1112
01:00:15,667 --> 01:00:18,750
( gasps )
With that perfect skin?
1113
01:00:18,750 --> 01:00:20,000
No. No, no, no.
1114
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:21,542
She didn't used
to look like that.
1115
01:00:21,542 --> 01:00:23,375
None of the women did. They--
Coffee?
1116
01:00:23,375 --> 01:00:26,000
Coffee? No. No coffee.
1117
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:30,333
Bobbie. Bobbie.
This isn't you.
1118
01:00:30,333 --> 01:00:34,041
That's right, Joanna.
This isn't me.
1119
01:00:34,041 --> 01:00:36,333
It's a whole new me.
1120
01:00:36,333 --> 01:00:40,291
I'm happy and I'm healthy
because I understand
1121
01:00:40,291 --> 01:00:41,458
what's important in life.
1122
01:00:41,458 --> 01:00:42,166
Yes.
1123
01:00:42,166 --> 01:00:44,291
Your new book.
That's right.
1124
01:00:44,291 --> 01:00:46,125
That's what's important,
my new cookbook.
1125
01:00:46,125 --> 01:00:49,917
And my husband and my family
and making a perfect home.
1126
01:00:49,917 --> 01:00:52,125
It's a lesson
every gal needs to learn.
1127
01:00:52,125 --> 01:00:53,542
Especially you.
1128
01:00:53,542 --> 01:00:56,709
I'm your friend, Joanna.
I'm going to help you.
1129
01:00:56,709 --> 01:00:57,625
You need me.
You stay away from me.
1130
01:00:57,625 --> 01:01:00,125
You're driven.
( glass shatters )
1131
01:01:00,125 --> 01:01:02,625
Well, sometimes.
And you're selfish.
1132
01:01:02,625 --> 01:01:05,417
You wanna rule the world.
No.
1133
01:01:05,417 --> 01:01:09,000
I can fix you.
I can change you.
1134
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:13,834
What... have... they...
done to you?
1135
01:01:13,834 --> 01:01:15,542
Let's get busy.
1136
01:01:17,709 --> 01:01:19,625
Answer the phone.
1137
01:01:19,625 --> 01:01:23,875
Hello, is--?
Is this the day camp?
1138
01:01:23,875 --> 01:01:25,166
Oh.
1139
01:01:25,166 --> 01:01:27,208
Yes, this is...
This is Joanna Eberhart.
1140
01:01:27,208 --> 01:01:29,583
I would like to speak
to my children.
1141
01:01:29,583 --> 01:01:32,208
I'm coming to pick them up
right now.
1142
01:01:32,208 --> 01:01:34,041
( thunder rumbling )
1143
01:01:34,041 --> 01:01:36,750
What?
1144
01:01:40,333 --> 01:01:42,959
Walter!
1145
01:01:42,959 --> 01:01:45,000
Walter, where are you?
1146
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:47,333
I know you've got the kids.
1147
01:01:47,333 --> 01:01:49,917
Pete, Kimberly!
1148
01:01:56,208 --> 01:01:58,208
( tires screech )
1149
01:02:01,083 --> 01:02:03,166
( panting )
1150
01:02:48,750 --> 01:02:52,041
( thunder crashes )
1151
01:02:52,041 --> 01:02:54,625
Oh, boys.
1152
01:02:56,458 --> 01:02:57,959
Welcome.
1153
01:02:58,834 --> 01:03:01,166
( thunder crashes )
1154
01:03:15,041 --> 01:03:16,834
Where are my children?
1155
01:03:16,834 --> 01:03:18,125
They're perfectly safe.
1156
01:03:18,125 --> 01:03:20,250
Where are my children?
1157
01:03:20,250 --> 01:03:22,125
You'll see them soon.
1158
01:03:22,125 --> 01:03:23,500
Where's Walter?
1159
01:03:28,917 --> 01:03:29,959
( sighs )
1160
01:03:29,959 --> 01:03:32,834
How could you do this?
1161
01:03:32,834 --> 01:03:37,000
Ever since we met,
you've beaten me at everything.
1162
01:03:37,000 --> 01:03:38,583
You're better educated.
1163
01:03:38,583 --> 01:03:40,792
You're stronger,
you're faster.
1164
01:03:40,792 --> 01:03:43,333
You're a better dancer,
a better tennis player.
1165
01:03:43,333 --> 01:03:45,625
You've always earned
at least six figures more
1166
01:03:45,625 --> 01:03:47,750
than I could ever dream of.
1167
01:03:47,750 --> 01:03:49,792
You're a better speaker,
1168
01:03:49,792 --> 01:03:51,834
a better executive.
1169
01:03:51,834 --> 01:03:55,750
You're even better at sex.
Don't deny it.
1170
01:03:55,750 --> 01:03:57,875
I wasn't going to.
1171
01:03:57,875 --> 01:03:59,959
Well, don't I get anything?
1172
01:03:59,959 --> 01:04:01,250
You got me.
1173
01:04:01,250 --> 01:04:03,291
No, I got to hold your purse.
1174
01:04:03,291 --> 01:04:06,500
I got to tell the kids
that you'd be late again.
1175
01:04:06,500 --> 01:04:09,375
I got to tell the press
that you had no comment.
1176
01:04:09,375 --> 01:04:11,083
I got to work for you.
1177
01:04:11,083 --> 01:04:12,375
With me.
1178
01:04:12,375 --> 01:04:14,417
Under you.
1179
01:04:14,417 --> 01:04:16,333
All of us.
1180
01:04:16,333 --> 01:04:18,959
We married wonder women.
1181
01:04:18,959 --> 01:04:21,000
Supergirls.
1182
01:04:21,000 --> 01:04:22,375
Amazon queens.
1183
01:04:22,375 --> 01:04:24,291
Well, you know
what that makes us?
1184
01:04:24,291 --> 01:04:28,083
Smart, worthy, lucky.
1185
01:04:28,083 --> 01:04:30,417
We're the wuss.
1186
01:04:30,417 --> 01:04:32,291
The wind beneath your wings.
1187
01:04:32,291 --> 01:04:33,792
Your support system.
1188
01:04:33,792 --> 01:04:36,041
We're the girl.
MAN: And we don't like it.
1189
01:04:36,041 --> 01:04:36,834
No, we don't.
Damn right!
1190
01:04:36,834 --> 01:04:39,375
Man!
MAN: Yeah. That's right.
1191
01:04:39,375 --> 01:04:41,625
And is this your answer,
to kill us?
1192
01:04:41,625 --> 01:04:45,417
Oh, no. Nothing like that.
We help you. We perfect you.
1193
01:04:45,417 --> 01:04:47,291
By turning us
into robots?
1194
01:04:47,291 --> 01:04:50,583
Does any fraction of these women
still exist?
1195
01:04:50,583 --> 01:04:53,875
Of course.
Almost everything.
1196
01:04:53,875 --> 01:04:55,208
Shall we show her?
1197
01:04:55,208 --> 01:04:55,875
Show me what?
1198
01:04:55,875 --> 01:04:57,208
It's a promotional thing
1199
01:04:57,208 --> 01:05:00,875
I've been working on
for when we go global.
1200
01:05:01,959 --> 01:05:05,333
Walter, I don't think
you've seen this.
1201
01:05:08,500 --> 01:05:09,583
( pings, chiming )
1202
01:05:09,583 --> 01:05:14,000
( '50s-style educational-film
music plays )
1203
01:05:16,750 --> 01:05:20,125
Some guys ask,
how do we do it?
1204
01:05:20,125 --> 01:05:23,917
In layman's terms,
it's really pretty simple.
1205
01:05:23,917 --> 01:05:26,083
Come on along.
1206
01:05:32,583 --> 01:05:35,000
First, we take a gloomy,
dissatisfied woman.
1207
01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:39,208
Then, in a very
private experience
1208
01:05:39,208 --> 01:05:40,875
between husband and wife,
1209
01:05:40,875 --> 01:05:47,083
he gently places her in our
female improvement system.
1210
01:05:47,083 --> 01:05:49,583
It's fully automated.
1211
01:05:49,583 --> 01:05:51,583
And then, abracadabra.
1212
01:05:51,583 --> 01:05:53,959
Her transformation begins.
1213
01:05:53,959 --> 01:05:57,500
First, we locate her brain.
1214
01:05:57,500 --> 01:06:00,709
We insert a few nanochips.
1215
01:06:00,709 --> 01:06:01,750
Then we program them.
1216
01:06:01,750 --> 01:06:05,417
Also, we add some secret,
special ingredients.
1217
01:06:09,500 --> 01:06:11,417
To avoid any accidents,
1218
01:06:11,417 --> 01:06:15,125
her husband is kept
at a comfortable distance.
1219
01:06:15,125 --> 01:06:17,041
Safety first.
1220
01:06:20,166 --> 01:06:22,667
Finally, we enhance her,
1221
01:06:22,667 --> 01:06:27,083
to fit the ideal Stepford Wife
specifications.
1222
01:06:27,083 --> 01:06:28,417
And...
1223
01:06:29,333 --> 01:06:30,917
...voilà!
1224
01:06:33,709 --> 01:06:37,500
Everything is copasetic.
1225
01:06:40,125 --> 01:06:41,834
Welcome to the future.
1226
01:06:46,500 --> 01:06:48,208
DAVE:
It's a painting again.
1227
01:06:48,208 --> 01:06:49,583
Wha--?
1228
01:06:50,250 --> 01:06:53,000
I should explain.
You see,
1229
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:55,458
my real name isn't Mike.
1230
01:06:55,458 --> 01:06:58,000
It's just a nickname
from where I used to work.
1231
01:06:58,000 --> 01:06:59,000
Where?
1232
01:06:59,000 --> 01:07:01,000
Microsoft.
1233
01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:02,667
NASA.
1234
01:07:02,667 --> 01:07:03,875
Disney.
1235
01:07:03,875 --> 01:07:05,333
AOL.
1236
01:07:05,333 --> 01:07:06,709
Is that why the women
are so slow?
1237
01:07:06,709 --> 01:07:08,166
MIKE:
Joanna.
1238
01:07:08,166 --> 01:07:12,041
Is this what you
really want?
1239
01:07:12,041 --> 01:07:14,041
Women who behave
like slaves,
1240
01:07:14,041 --> 01:07:18,000
women who are obsessed
with cleaning their kitchens
1241
01:07:18,000 --> 01:07:19,333
and doing their hair,
1242
01:07:19,333 --> 01:07:21,834
women who never challenge you
in any way,
1243
01:07:21,834 --> 01:07:24,875
women who exist only
to wait on you hand and foot?
1244
01:07:24,875 --> 01:07:26,875
MAN: Yeah.
MAN 2: That sounds good to me.
1245
01:07:26,875 --> 01:07:28,667
Joanna, you're
a brilliant woman.
1246
01:07:28,667 --> 01:07:30,959
Surely you can appreciate,
at the very least,
1247
01:07:30,959 --> 01:07:32,709
the genius
of the concept.
1248
01:07:32,709 --> 01:07:33,917
Picture it,
1249
01:07:33,917 --> 01:07:36,041
if you could streamline
your spouse,
1250
01:07:36,041 --> 01:07:40,083
if you could overhaul
every annoying habit,
1251
01:07:40,083 --> 01:07:41,667
every physical flaw,
1252
01:07:41,667 --> 01:07:45,375
every moment of whining
and nagging and farting in bed.
1253
01:07:45,375 --> 01:07:47,041
Imagine...
1254
01:07:47,041 --> 01:07:50,041
if you could enjoy
the person you loved,
1255
01:07:50,041 --> 01:07:52,125
but only
at their very best.
1256
01:07:53,375 --> 01:07:57,417
And the only reason
for your anger,
1257
01:07:57,417 --> 01:08:00,208
your resentment, your rage
is really very simple.
1258
01:08:00,208 --> 01:08:04,333
You're furious
because we thought of it first.
1259
01:08:04,333 --> 01:08:06,000
While you were trying
to become men,
1260
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:08,125
we decided to become gods.
1261
01:08:09,750 --> 01:08:11,250
Let me ask you something,
1262
01:08:11,250 --> 01:08:13,917
these machines,
these Stepford Wives,
1263
01:08:13,917 --> 01:08:16,917
can they say, "I love you"?
1264
01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:19,333
Mike.
1265
01:08:19,333 --> 01:08:20,583
Of course.
1266
01:08:20,583 --> 01:08:22,250
Fifty-eight languages.
1267
01:08:24,083 --> 01:08:26,333
But do they mean it?
1268
01:08:42,542 --> 01:08:45,458
( metal clunks,
motor whirring )
1269
01:08:52,792 --> 01:08:55,208
( whirring stops )
1270
01:08:55,208 --> 01:08:57,083
Enjoy.
1271
01:09:24,542 --> 01:09:26,917
( shocking chord plays )
1272
01:09:26,917 --> 01:09:29,333
( panting )
1273
01:09:29,333 --> 01:09:31,458
JOANNA:
Oh...
1274
01:09:33,875 --> 01:09:35,875
MIKE:
Walter.
1275
01:09:57,375 --> 01:09:59,000
Walt.
1276
01:10:09,458 --> 01:10:10,959
MIKE:
Joanna.
1277
01:10:10,959 --> 01:10:13,125
Right here.
1278
01:10:28,750 --> 01:10:31,458
( metal clunks,
motor whirring )
1279
01:10:51,500 --> 01:10:55,083
( soporific orchestral music
playing over speakers )
1280
01:10:58,208 --> 01:10:59,375
Sarah.
1281
01:10:59,375 --> 01:11:01,291
Claire.
1282
01:11:09,041 --> 01:11:11,667
Marianne.
Charmaine.
1283
01:11:16,333 --> 01:11:19,250
Roger.
Roberta.
1284
01:11:22,333 --> 01:11:26,041
( choir vocalizing
beatifically )
1285
01:11:56,542 --> 01:11:58,291
Who's Margo?
That's my wife.
1286
01:11:58,291 --> 01:11:59,709
Oh, Mike!
1287
01:11:59,709 --> 01:12:02,875
( applause, cheers )
1288
01:12:02,875 --> 01:12:05,041
MEN ( chanting ):
Mike, Mike, Mike!
1289
01:12:05,041 --> 01:12:08,500
Mike, Mike, Mike!
Mike, Mike, Mike!
1290
01:12:15,709 --> 01:12:17,500
Good evening, everyone.
1291
01:12:17,500 --> 01:12:19,166
What a delight to see
1292
01:12:19,166 --> 01:12:23,000
all of our wonderful wives
and their happy, happy husbands.
1293
01:12:23,000 --> 01:12:27,208
Tonight is truly the highlight
of our year because tonight
1294
01:12:27,208 --> 01:12:31,625
we honor our very newest
citizens of Stepford.
1295
01:12:31,625 --> 01:12:34,709
In my opinion, they are
the cream of the crop in couple
1296
01:12:34,709 --> 01:12:37,417
that proudly proclaims
Stepford...
1297
01:12:38,875 --> 01:12:40,291
...the American way of love.
1298
01:12:40,291 --> 01:12:42,792
( women sigh )
( applause )
1299
01:13:08,458 --> 01:13:10,291
Now...
1300
01:13:11,500 --> 01:13:14,625
...I'd like to ask my wonderful
woman, my lovely wife,
1301
01:13:14,625 --> 01:13:16,208
my bride, my best friend,
1302
01:13:16,208 --> 01:13:20,458
to join me in a glorious
midsummer night's waltz.
1303
01:13:20,458 --> 01:13:21,709
Aw...
1304
01:13:21,709 --> 01:13:23,792
( applause )
1305
01:13:28,250 --> 01:13:31,000
( string instruments playing
staccato melody )
1306
01:13:34,083 --> 01:13:36,792
( eerie waltz theme playing )
1307
01:13:36,792 --> 01:13:39,667
CLAIRE: Oh.
MIKE: Yeah.
1308
01:13:39,667 --> 01:13:41,375
Oh...
1309
01:14:12,542 --> 01:14:14,417
( soft, girlish voice ):
Is everything perfect?
1310
01:14:14,417 --> 01:14:16,083
Everything.
1311
01:14:17,250 --> 01:14:19,250
Mike.
Walter.
1312
01:14:19,250 --> 01:14:20,709
Darling.
1313
01:14:21,917 --> 01:14:25,709
My pleasure.
It's an honor.
1314
01:14:27,834 --> 01:14:30,875
Champagne?
Allow me.
1315
01:14:49,625 --> 01:14:51,667
( alarm rings )
1316
01:14:51,667 --> 01:14:53,417
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Doors activate.
1317
01:14:53,417 --> 01:14:56,375
Welcome member 1956.
1318
01:14:56,375 --> 01:14:58,792
Kresby, Walter.
1319
01:15:06,250 --> 01:15:09,375
( alarm rings )
Entering secure area.
1320
01:15:34,500 --> 01:15:38,083
( electronic pulsating,
whirring )
1321
01:15:40,709 --> 01:15:44,250
( electronic pulsating,
whirring )
1322
01:15:44,250 --> 01:15:47,083
( waltz theme continues )
1323
01:15:57,166 --> 01:15:58,834
( pinging )
( alarm ringing )
1324
01:15:58,834 --> 01:16:00,375
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Warning.
1325
01:16:00,375 --> 01:16:02,458
Warning.
1326
01:16:03,542 --> 01:16:04,917
Initiating.
1327
01:16:17,417 --> 01:16:21,041
So, Joanna,
are you enjoying Stepford?
1328
01:16:21,041 --> 01:16:24,792
Oh, yes. The town
is so splendid.
1329
01:16:24,792 --> 01:16:28,250
Everyone is so kind.
1330
01:16:28,250 --> 01:16:31,417
And then, of course,
there's you.
1331
01:16:33,834 --> 01:16:35,458
Me?
1332
01:16:39,750 --> 01:16:42,417
( cha-cha dance music plays )
1333
01:16:43,417 --> 01:16:45,667
And it's simple really.
1334
01:16:45,667 --> 01:16:48,000
Honey, grab me another Scotch.
1335
01:16:48,000 --> 01:16:50,208
Right away, dear.
1336
01:16:52,625 --> 01:16:55,125
( pinging )
( machine whirring )
1337
01:16:55,125 --> 01:16:58,083
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Begin nanoreversal.
1338
01:16:58,083 --> 01:17:00,959
Begin nanoreversal.
1339
01:17:06,208 --> 01:17:08,417
Nanoreversal completed.
1340
01:17:08,417 --> 01:17:10,458
Uh! Aah!
1341
01:17:11,291 --> 01:17:14,375
Deleting Stepford program.
1342
01:17:14,375 --> 01:17:15,709
( screams )
1343
01:17:15,709 --> 01:17:16,709
( glass cracks )
1344
01:17:16,709 --> 01:17:18,792
( whirring dies out )
1345
01:17:25,166 --> 01:17:27,208
File corrupted.
1346
01:17:27,208 --> 01:17:29,667
Deleting vacuuming function.
1347
01:17:35,875 --> 01:17:36,291
Honey.
1348
01:17:36,291 --> 01:17:39,041
Oh, Herbert.
1349
01:17:39,041 --> 01:17:40,667
( machine voices clamoring )
1350
01:17:40,667 --> 01:17:45,250
Restoring original personality.
Deleting Stepford program.
1351
01:17:45,250 --> 01:17:47,542
( women gasping )
1352
01:17:47,542 --> 01:17:49,250
What is this?
1353
01:17:56,375 --> 01:17:58,291
( gasps )
1354
01:17:58,291 --> 01:18:00,250
What am I wearing?
1355
01:18:00,250 --> 01:18:02,917
( women clamoring angrily )
1356
01:18:13,834 --> 01:18:15,000
CLAIRE:
Mike!
1357
01:18:15,000 --> 01:18:16,625
Mike, there's something...
1358
01:18:16,625 --> 01:18:18,500
( gasping )
1359
01:18:18,500 --> 01:18:20,750
...unspeakable going on
in the ballroom.
1360
01:18:20,750 --> 01:18:21,417
You have to come right now.
1361
01:18:21,417 --> 01:18:25,125
It's an apocalypse!
1362
01:18:27,834 --> 01:18:30,500
( men and women arguing )
1363
01:18:35,041 --> 01:18:37,375
What did you do to us?
1364
01:18:37,375 --> 01:18:39,041
Mike!
Mike!
Mike!
1365
01:18:39,041 --> 01:18:42,208
MEN:
Mike! Mike! Mike!
1366
01:18:42,208 --> 01:18:44,583
Men, control your wives.
1367
01:18:44,583 --> 01:18:47,208
Control your wives.
1368
01:18:47,208 --> 01:18:48,375
( remotes chiming )
1369
01:18:48,375 --> 01:18:49,917
MAN:
It's not working!
1370
01:18:49,917 --> 01:18:51,333
It's not working.
1371
01:18:56,208 --> 01:18:59,917
This is not Stepford.
Mike.
1372
01:18:59,917 --> 01:19:03,375
Mike, what's happening?
1373
01:19:03,375 --> 01:19:06,667
I was in the garden,
and I was dreaming of your...
1374
01:19:06,667 --> 01:19:09,083
Your smile and your after-shave.
1375
01:19:09,083 --> 01:19:11,083
And I realized...
1376
01:19:11,917 --> 01:19:15,375
( normal voice ):
I can do better.
1377
01:19:25,834 --> 01:19:27,667
Walt.
1378
01:19:27,667 --> 01:19:28,750
She's not a robot.
1379
01:19:28,750 --> 01:19:29,917
MAN: What?
MAN 2: What?
1380
01:19:29,917 --> 01:19:31,500
DAVE:
What, she's not a robot?
1381
01:19:31,500 --> 01:19:33,333
She never was.
1382
01:19:39,250 --> 01:19:41,500
MAN 3: Wait a second.
1383
01:19:42,250 --> 01:19:45,542
I couldn't do it.
MAN 4: What?
1384
01:19:45,542 --> 01:19:47,041
Why not?
1385
01:19:47,041 --> 01:19:49,583
Because she's not
a science project.
1386
01:19:49,583 --> 01:19:52,834
Because I didn't marry
something from RadioShack.
1387
01:19:52,834 --> 01:19:55,333
That's a shame.
1388
01:19:55,333 --> 01:19:56,709
No.
1389
01:19:57,709 --> 01:19:59,709
That's a man.
1390
01:20:06,792 --> 01:20:08,458
I thought you were ready.
1391
01:20:08,458 --> 01:20:10,291
MEN: Yeah!
I thought...
1392
01:20:10,291 --> 01:20:12,917
I thought you were ready.
I thought I knew you.
1393
01:20:12,917 --> 01:20:14,125
MEN: Yeah!
1394
01:20:14,125 --> 01:20:16,250
You're a disgrace.
1395
01:20:16,250 --> 01:20:17,959
( men shouting agreements )
1396
01:20:17,959 --> 01:20:20,834
MIKE:
To everything
this town stands for.
1397
01:20:22,500 --> 01:20:23,375
To the future.
1398
01:20:23,375 --> 01:20:25,959
That's right,
that's right. Tell him.
1399
01:20:25,959 --> 01:20:28,500
You're gonna have
to pay for that.
1400
01:20:34,125 --> 01:20:35,959
Don't you touch him.
1401
01:20:35,959 --> 01:20:37,834
No!
1402
01:21:08,208 --> 01:21:10,208
Oh...
1403
01:21:10,208 --> 01:21:13,125
Oh...
1404
01:21:13,125 --> 01:21:16,166
He's a Stepford Husband?
1405
01:21:17,333 --> 01:21:21,083
( sobbing ):
An angel.
1406
01:21:21,083 --> 01:21:24,125
Now he's just...
1407
01:21:24,125 --> 01:21:27,792
spare parts,
thanks to you.
1408
01:21:27,792 --> 01:21:30,875
But what are you?
Are you a person or a machine?
1409
01:21:30,875 --> 01:21:32,750
I'm a lady.
1410
01:21:32,750 --> 01:21:35,375
A real lady?
1411
01:21:35,375 --> 01:21:36,792
Every inch.
Wait.
1412
01:21:36,792 --> 01:21:39,417
Wait, a real, real lady?
Are you a human being?
1413
01:21:39,417 --> 01:21:40,959
Yes, and I may very well be
1414
01:21:40,959 --> 01:21:43,041
the only decent
human being left.
1415
01:21:43,041 --> 01:21:45,750
In Stepford?
In the world!
1416
01:21:45,750 --> 01:21:47,375
Oh! She's fabulous.
1417
01:21:47,375 --> 01:21:49,959
All of this, Mike,
the wives, Stepford,
1418
01:21:49,959 --> 01:21:51,709
this was all your idea?
1419
01:21:51,709 --> 01:21:55,041
Yes. All I wanted
was a better world.
1420
01:21:55,041 --> 01:21:56,709
A world where men were men
1421
01:21:56,709 --> 01:21:58,834
and women
were cherished and lovely.
1422
01:21:58,834 --> 01:22:02,625
Does anyone
have a screwdriver?
1423
01:22:04,083 --> 01:22:06,208
She's nuts.
1424
01:22:14,083 --> 01:22:17,375
A world of romance and beauty,
1425
01:22:17,375 --> 01:22:20,750
of tuxedos and chiffon,
a perfect world.
1426
01:22:20,750 --> 01:22:24,083
But you were married to a robot.
1427
01:22:24,083 --> 01:22:26,083
The perfect man.
1428
01:22:26,083 --> 01:22:29,875
And all I wanted was
to make you, all of you...
1429
01:22:29,875 --> 01:22:32,208
into perfect women.
1430
01:22:32,208 --> 01:22:35,250
We don't need to be perfect.
1431
01:22:35,250 --> 01:22:37,000
How could you do this to us?
1432
01:22:37,000 --> 01:22:39,083
Because I was just like you.
1433
01:22:39,083 --> 01:22:41,583
Overstressed, overbooked,
under-loved.
1434
01:22:41,583 --> 01:22:45,333
I was the world's foremost
brain surgeon
1435
01:22:45,333 --> 01:22:47,000
and genetic engineer.
1436
01:22:47,000 --> 01:22:48,000
I had top-secret contracts
1437
01:22:48,000 --> 01:22:51,875
with the Pentagon,
Apple and Mattel.
1438
01:22:51,875 --> 01:22:53,291
I was driven.
1439
01:22:53,291 --> 01:22:54,834
Exhausted.
1440
01:22:54,834 --> 01:22:58,500
Until late one night,
I came home to find...
1441
01:22:59,875 --> 01:23:01,792
...Mike.
1442
01:23:03,166 --> 01:23:06,458
With Patricia.
1443
01:23:06,458 --> 01:23:09,000
My brilliant...
1444
01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:11,792
blond...
1445
01:23:11,792 --> 01:23:15,917
...21-year-old
research assistant.
1446
01:23:15,917 --> 01:23:18,375
It was all so...
1447
01:23:20,500 --> 01:23:22,583
...ugly.
1448
01:23:24,083 --> 01:23:25,625
Then early the next morning,
1449
01:23:25,625 --> 01:23:28,583
as I gazed across
the breakfast table
1450
01:23:28,583 --> 01:23:32,417
at their lifeless bodies,
I thought...
1451
01:23:32,417 --> 01:23:34,834
"What have I done?"
1452
01:23:34,834 --> 01:23:37,333
But more importantly...
1453
01:23:37,333 --> 01:23:39,625
what I could do to make
the world more beautiful?
1454
01:23:39,625 --> 01:23:42,500
I had the skills.
1455
01:23:42,500 --> 01:23:46,500
But I needed help
to realize my larger vision.
1456
01:23:46,500 --> 01:23:47,875
And so I made...
1457
01:23:49,250 --> 01:23:51,709
...Mike.
1458
01:23:51,709 --> 01:23:54,709
Because he was someone
other men would listen to.
1459
01:23:54,709 --> 01:23:57,375
And then I asked myself,
1460
01:23:57,375 --> 01:24:00,625
"Where would people never notice
a town full of robots?
1461
01:24:00,625 --> 01:24:03,166
( gasps )
1462
01:24:03,166 --> 01:24:05,834
Connecticut."
1463
01:24:05,834 --> 01:24:09,583
So I decided
to turn back the clock,
1464
01:24:09,583 --> 01:24:12,458
to a time before overtime,
1465
01:24:12,458 --> 01:24:14,208
before quality time,
1466
01:24:14,208 --> 01:24:18,041
before women were turning
themselves into robots.
1467
01:24:18,041 --> 01:24:19,875
Back off!
Sorry.
1468
01:24:19,875 --> 01:24:22,750
But why didn't you
change the men too?
1469
01:24:22,750 --> 01:24:24,125
That's next.
1470
01:24:25,375 --> 01:24:27,000
You're insane.
1471
01:24:27,000 --> 01:24:32,583
I'm in love with a waltz
and a town...
1472
01:24:34,500 --> 01:24:36,917
...and a man.
1473
01:24:40,125 --> 01:24:41,709
( women gasping )
1474
01:24:44,542 --> 01:24:45,959
( panting )
1475
01:25:13,834 --> 01:25:16,583
( tranquil romantic theme
plays )
1476
01:25:29,125 --> 01:25:32,583
LARRY KING:
So, Joanna, you produced
the hard-hitting documentary,
1477
01:25:32,583 --> 01:25:33,959
Stepford: The Secret
of the Suburbs.
1478
01:25:33,959 --> 01:25:38,041
And won...
Five Emmys, was it?
1479
01:25:38,041 --> 01:25:39,291
Oh, six.
1480
01:25:39,291 --> 01:25:41,667
She's shy.
And so humble.
1481
01:25:41,667 --> 01:25:45,125
And, Bobbie, your ordeal
has lead to a bestseller.
1482
01:25:45,125 --> 01:25:46,834
Well, you know,
I just can't hold a grudge.
1483
01:25:46,834 --> 01:25:48,667
So I've written my very first
book of poetry.
1484
01:25:48,667 --> 01:25:51,625
And it's all about hope
and communication
1485
01:25:51,625 --> 01:25:54,208
and the healing power
of love.
1486
01:25:54,208 --> 01:25:55,667
What is
it called?
1487
01:25:55,667 --> 01:25:57,917
Wait Until He's Asleep,
Then Cut It Off.
1488
01:25:57,917 --> 01:26:00,083
It's a page-turner.
I cried.
1489
01:26:00,083 --> 01:26:01,959
Now, Roger, good news.
1490
01:26:01,959 --> 01:26:03,291
You ran and won.
You're in the state senate.
1491
01:26:03,291 --> 01:26:06,709
Independent.
Next stop, the White House.
1492
01:26:06,709 --> 01:26:08,500
Yes, this country
needs highlights.
1493
01:26:08,500 --> 01:26:09,709
That's our hero.
1494
01:26:09,709 --> 01:26:12,000
And, Jo, Walter really
came through for you,
1495
01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:16,917
so how's your marriage now?
Is everything just, uh, perfect?
1496
01:26:16,917 --> 01:26:18,917
No way. But, um...
1497
01:26:18,917 --> 01:26:21,041
But we're doing
just great.
1498
01:26:21,041 --> 01:26:22,250
Because, um...
1499
01:26:22,250 --> 01:26:23,208
Because now,
now we know for sure
1500
01:26:23,208 --> 01:26:25,667
that it's not
about perfection.
1501
01:26:25,667 --> 01:26:28,417
Perfect--
Perfect doesn't work.
1502
01:26:28,417 --> 01:26:30,166
What about
all those other husbands?
1503
01:26:30,166 --> 01:26:31,500
Are they still angry?
1504
01:26:31,500 --> 01:26:33,875
Do they still want
all these women to be robots?
1505
01:26:33,875 --> 01:26:36,792
Of course. Men are pigs.
They're disgusting,
1506
01:26:36,792 --> 01:26:38,125
they're frightened,
repulsive little rodents.
1507
01:26:38,125 --> 01:26:40,542
But we're trying
to help them,
1508
01:26:40,542 --> 01:26:41,417
right, Bobbie?
Right.
1509
01:26:41,417 --> 01:26:44,083
Yes, we're trying
to reeducate them.
1510
01:26:44,083 --> 01:26:45,375
And where are they?
1511
01:26:45,375 --> 01:26:48,000
Oh. Oh, they're
still in Stepford.
1512
01:26:48,000 --> 01:26:49,917
Under house arrest.
1513
01:26:49,917 --> 01:26:52,458
( light, comic theme plays )
1514
01:26:55,959 --> 01:26:57,125
Hey, you guys.
1515
01:26:57,125 --> 01:26:58,959
Which aisle
is quilted paper towels?
1516
01:26:58,959 --> 01:27:01,542
If I don't get the right kind,
my wife's gonna kill me.
1517
01:27:01,542 --> 01:27:03,208
Oh, aisle three.
And I need--
1518
01:27:03,208 --> 01:27:06,458
WOMAN:
No talking, keep shopping.
1519
01:27:14,333 --> 01:27:19,250
( staccato violin theme
playing )
1520
01:27:20,834 --> 01:27:23,250
( ethereal choir chanting )
98561
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