All language subtitles for The New Normal s01e04 Obama Mama.g

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,163 --> 00:00:03,382 You know what I love most about being pregnant? 2 00:00:03,684 --> 00:00:05,235 Burgers for breakfast. 3 00:00:05,269 --> 00:00:06,719 Just today, 4 00:00:06,737 --> 00:00:08,405 because I woke up craving red meat. 5 00:00:08,439 --> 00:00:10,690 Now, look away, baby. 6 00:00:10,724 --> 00:00:12,058 Mmm! 7 00:00:12,076 --> 00:00:13,243 - Hi! - Hello! 8 00:00:13,277 --> 00:00:14,694 Oh, it's open. Come in. Oh. 9 00:00:14,728 --> 00:00:15,995 David: What is happening? 10 00:00:16,030 --> 00:00:17,730 Hello. Good morning. Good morning. 11 00:00:17,748 --> 00:00:19,065 Hmm. Goldie, 12 00:00:19,083 --> 00:00:20,500 what is in your mouth? 13 00:00:20,534 --> 00:00:21,668 Oh, my God, is that fast food? 14 00:00:21,702 --> 00:00:22,902 Oh, please tell me you're bulimic 15 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:24,537 so at least it'll come up before it hits our baby. 16 00:00:24,571 --> 00:00:25,672 David: Or... 17 00:00:25,706 --> 00:00:27,674 You could eat this 18 00:00:27,708 --> 00:00:29,575 healthy, organic food 19 00:00:29,593 --> 00:00:31,795 we just got you at the farmers' market. 20 00:00:31,846 --> 00:00:33,179 Bryan: I had never eaten broccoli 21 00:00:33,214 --> 00:00:35,414 before I met David. Nutrition can be fun! 22 00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:37,083 Guys, pregnancy cravings are totally normal, 23 00:00:37,101 --> 00:00:38,968 and it's just so delicious. 24 00:00:39,019 --> 00:00:41,137 Yeah, I know, but 25 00:00:41,188 --> 00:00:44,140 that delicious burger could cause all kinds 26 00:00:44,191 --> 00:00:46,893 of developmental issues for our baby. 27 00:00:46,927 --> 00:00:48,394 See, not a lot of people know this, 28 00:00:48,428 --> 00:00:52,198 but charbroiled meat is a carcinogen proven to effect DNA. 29 00:00:52,233 --> 00:00:55,034 Oh, well, I ate like this when I was pregnant with Shania, 30 00:00:55,069 --> 00:00:56,486 and she turned out just fine. 31 00:00:56,537 --> 00:00:58,538 Okay? 32 00:00:58,572 --> 00:00:59,539 Bryan: Um, 33 00:00:59,573 --> 00:01:00,907 also, uh, 34 00:01:00,941 --> 00:01:02,775 we brought your mail over that was forwarded to our house. 35 00:01:02,793 --> 00:01:04,911 Oh. Oh! What's this? 36 00:01:04,945 --> 00:01:06,913 It's your very important absentee ballot 37 00:01:06,947 --> 00:01:08,748 from the crucial battleground state of Ohio. 38 00:01:08,782 --> 00:01:11,417 Don't forget to mail that in. It's a big election. 39 00:01:11,451 --> 00:01:12,585 I know. We're having 40 00:01:12,619 --> 00:01:14,387 a mock presidential election at my school. 41 00:01:14,421 --> 00:01:16,005 Bryan: That's adorable. I love mock things. 42 00:01:18,309 --> 00:01:19,592 So, spill the beans, kiddo. 43 00:01:19,626 --> 00:01:20,760 Who are you gonna vote for? 44 00:01:20,794 --> 00:01:22,962 Well, most of the kids are just gonna vote 45 00:01:22,980 --> 00:01:24,630 for whoever their parents do, 46 00:01:24,648 --> 00:01:26,132 but I'm thinking about voting Obama. 47 00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:29,302 Well, if you do the math on that, 48 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,604 that means your mom is voting 49 00:01:31,638 --> 00:01:33,239 for... O.M.G.O.P! 50 00:01:33,274 --> 00:01:35,191 Mitt Romney? You can't be serious. 51 00:01:35,242 --> 00:01:37,277 Goldie, you are carrying our Democratic baby. 52 00:01:37,311 --> 00:01:39,078 Our beautiful little donkey fetus. 53 00:01:39,113 --> 00:01:40,697 Maybe you guys should just steal my ballot and vote for me. 54 00:01:40,748 --> 00:01:42,415 That's what my Nana did in 2008. 55 00:01:42,449 --> 00:01:44,584 That is outrageous. She can't do that. 56 00:01:44,618 --> 00:01:46,085 Yeah, this is America, damn it. 57 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,253 You're free to vote 58 00:01:47,288 --> 00:01:49,622 for the black incumbent president of our choice. 59 00:01:49,656 --> 00:01:50,707 Hmm. 60 00:01:59,965 --> 00:02:05,386 61 00:02:17,851 --> 00:02:20,019 What's smelly eating? 62 00:02:20,037 --> 00:02:21,905 Vegetables. 63 00:02:21,956 --> 00:02:24,574 You stay out of my granddaughter's head! 64 00:02:24,625 --> 00:02:26,960 I put years into shaping it, and I will not have 65 00:02:26,994 --> 00:02:29,528 you left-wing Nancy boys poisoning her 66 00:02:29,547 --> 00:02:31,581 with your hug-a-Muslim bull crap! 67 00:02:31,632 --> 00:02:34,667 Mrs. Forrest, what a disturbing surprise. 68 00:02:34,701 --> 00:02:37,470 I will have you know that my family has voted 69 00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:38,871 republican since Abraham Lincoln, 70 00:02:38,889 --> 00:02:41,424 the freer of the slaves. 71 00:02:41,475 --> 00:02:43,376 I am proud of my party, and I have been 72 00:02:43,394 --> 00:02:45,812 a supporter since 1972. 73 00:02:45,846 --> 00:02:47,780 All (Chanting): No more war! (Car horn honking) 74 00:02:47,815 --> 00:02:49,983 Dick Nixon knows how to keep America strong! 75 00:02:50,017 --> 00:02:51,651 That's why I like dick. 76 00:02:51,685 --> 00:02:52,652 Who is with me? 77 00:02:52,686 --> 00:02:55,054 I like dick! I like dick! 78 00:02:55,072 --> 00:02:59,108 Oh, so we have you to thank for Watergate and Reagan and bush 79 00:02:59,159 --> 00:03:00,276 and baby bush. 80 00:03:00,327 --> 00:03:01,444 Oh, honey, 81 00:03:01,495 --> 00:03:03,329 even we don't like the bushes anymore. 82 00:03:03,364 --> 00:03:05,114 But you're voting for mitt Romney, 83 00:03:05,165 --> 00:03:06,950 which is the equivalent of saying 84 00:03:07,001 --> 00:03:09,002 the poor aren't entitled to health care, 85 00:03:09,036 --> 00:03:11,671 or the environment doesn't need protecting. 86 00:03:11,705 --> 00:03:13,957 Mitt Romney is interested in preserving 87 00:03:14,008 --> 00:03:15,341 every American's right 88 00:03:15,376 --> 00:03:19,329 to make his or her own choices. 89 00:03:19,363 --> 00:03:21,014 Unless you're gay. 90 00:03:21,048 --> 00:03:24,050 I thought gay wasn't a choice. 91 00:03:24,084 --> 00:03:27,753 You've already polluted Goldie's womb with your gay sperms. 92 00:03:27,771 --> 00:03:28,888 Leave her vote alone. 93 00:03:28,922 --> 00:03:30,306 You know what I think this is about? 94 00:03:30,357 --> 00:03:32,392 Obama is black, and you don't like anybody 95 00:03:32,426 --> 00:03:33,926 who's not like you. 96 00:03:33,944 --> 00:03:35,928 Oh, I would slap your face right now 97 00:03:35,946 --> 00:03:38,865 if I didn't want to get a handful of man makeup. 98 00:03:38,899 --> 00:03:39,983 It is tinted sunscreen! 99 00:03:40,034 --> 00:03:41,401 David: I'm just gonna say it. 100 00:03:41,435 --> 00:03:45,238 Mrs. Forrest, I believe you are a racist. 101 00:03:45,272 --> 00:03:48,274 Why is that the place that all you liberals go to? 102 00:03:48,292 --> 00:03:50,877 Just because I don't like a man 103 00:03:50,911 --> 00:03:53,496 who wants to take my hard-earned money 104 00:03:53,547 --> 00:03:57,333 and dump it into a broken system, I'm a racist? 105 00:03:57,384 --> 00:03:59,419 Don't you think it's a little more racist 106 00:03:59,453 --> 00:04:03,122 to vote for a black man simply because he's black? 107 00:04:04,758 --> 00:04:06,342 And what about you two? 108 00:04:06,393 --> 00:04:09,429 I don't imagine you're lighting candles on kwanzaa. 109 00:04:09,463 --> 00:04:10,763 Couple of hypocrites. 110 00:04:10,797 --> 00:04:12,098 Like every other liberal, 111 00:04:12,132 --> 00:04:14,567 you walk the walk, but you can't talk the talk. 112 00:04:14,601 --> 00:04:17,186 That is not true! We have black friends. We have oodles of them! 113 00:04:17,237 --> 00:04:18,855 Right. We do, and if you don't believe me, 114 00:04:18,906 --> 00:04:20,440 you can come to our party on Friday night, 115 00:04:20,474 --> 00:04:21,640 and you can meet them for yourself. 116 00:04:21,659 --> 00:04:23,693 Mm. Great. I'll see you 117 00:04:23,744 --> 00:04:26,913 and all your homies on Friday. 118 00:04:26,947 --> 00:04:29,749 Great! 119 00:04:29,783 --> 00:04:32,285 So, we're having a party? 120 00:04:32,319 --> 00:04:34,287 Yup. 121 00:04:34,321 --> 00:04:35,654 Know any black people? 122 00:04:35,673 --> 00:04:38,458 How is it that we don't have any black friends? 123 00:04:38,492 --> 00:04:40,159 Oh, David, we have black friends. 124 00:04:40,177 --> 00:04:41,711 Like who? Amir. 125 00:04:41,762 --> 00:04:43,629 Amir is not black. He's Indian. 126 00:04:43,663 --> 00:04:46,132 He's of a hue. (Laughs) 127 00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:47,300 Mrs. Forrest is right. 128 00:04:47,334 --> 00:04:48,685 We are phony, liberal frauds. 129 00:04:48,719 --> 00:04:49,936 We are racists! 130 00:04:49,970 --> 00:04:51,521 We can't be. 131 00:04:51,555 --> 00:04:55,224 We are two educated, successful, enlightened gay men. 132 00:04:55,275 --> 00:04:56,693 I guess we can't be held entirely responsible. 133 00:04:56,727 --> 00:04:58,177 We do meet a lot of black people. 134 00:04:58,195 --> 00:04:59,812 Right. We see them at work. 135 00:04:59,846 --> 00:05:01,481 Uh-uh. We run into them at parties, 136 00:05:01,515 --> 00:05:02,982 except for our own. 137 00:05:03,016 --> 00:05:04,567 I mean, is it our fault that none of them stick? 138 00:05:04,618 --> 00:05:08,071 Yeah, using the pejorative "them" is not helping our case. 139 00:05:08,122 --> 00:05:10,656 We have to get some black people to come to our party. 140 00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:12,125 I will not be called a bigoted, 141 00:05:12,159 --> 00:05:13,459 armchair liberal by anyone. 142 00:05:13,494 --> 00:05:15,361 Maybe we could get the cast of treme to come. 143 00:05:15,379 --> 00:05:17,130 I sat next to them at the golden globes last year, 144 00:05:17,164 --> 00:05:18,715 and since nobody watches that show anyway, 145 00:05:18,749 --> 00:05:21,801 they could easily pass as your run-of-the-mill, non-famouses. 146 00:05:25,472 --> 00:05:27,306 Rocky, there you are. 147 00:05:27,341 --> 00:05:30,042 Bryan's coming down to approve Clea's wardrobe. 148 00:05:30,060 --> 00:05:31,427 He has nixed everything I've shown him. 149 00:05:31,478 --> 00:05:33,813 I'm running out of options. Help. 150 00:05:33,847 --> 00:05:37,233 Not bad. You know, he likes preppy in an ironic way. 151 00:05:37,267 --> 00:05:39,385 If you lose the belt, you should be fine. 152 00:05:39,403 --> 00:05:41,354 And if you let him think 153 00:05:41,388 --> 00:05:43,272 he came up with it, 154 00:05:43,323 --> 00:05:45,057 he'll love it. 155 00:05:45,075 --> 00:05:46,109 Untuck your shirt. 156 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,827 No one can be skinnier than he is. 157 00:05:47,861 --> 00:05:49,895 Five more pounds is not gonna kill her. 158 00:05:49,913 --> 00:05:51,581 All right. I pushed editing to 4:30. 159 00:05:51,615 --> 00:05:53,032 I know how you feel about sitting 160 00:05:53,066 --> 00:05:54,200 in Brad's office after lunch. 161 00:05:54,234 --> 00:05:55,368 Oh, thank you. 162 00:05:55,402 --> 00:05:56,953 That fart candle isn't fooling anyone. 163 00:05:57,004 --> 00:05:58,404 Show me, my sweet. 164 00:06:00,924 --> 00:06:04,677 Now, I love it. Approved. 165 00:06:08,265 --> 00:06:10,016 So, whatever your plans are tomorrow night, 166 00:06:10,050 --> 00:06:12,468 cancel them and come to my party. 167 00:06:12,519 --> 00:06:14,387 You're inviting me to your house as a guest 168 00:06:14,421 --> 00:06:16,522 and not to kill a spider or scare a coyote? 169 00:06:16,557 --> 00:06:18,024 Of course! I mean, it's nothing huge. 170 00:06:18,058 --> 00:06:19,776 It's just, you know, a fun little soir�e 171 00:06:19,810 --> 00:06:21,027 with my closest friends. 172 00:06:21,061 --> 00:06:24,363 And you know what? Bring your friends, too. 173 00:06:24,398 --> 00:06:26,765 Just as many of them as you'd like. 174 00:06:26,784 --> 00:06:30,102 It's gonna be off the chain, yo! 175 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:32,271 Hook? Off the hook? 176 00:06:32,289 --> 00:06:34,407 Bryan: That's not a thing. (Laughter) 177 00:06:34,441 --> 00:06:36,275 Shut up. (Laughter) 178 00:06:37,377 --> 00:06:39,745 Okay, see you later, guys. 179 00:06:39,779 --> 00:06:42,548 There's not a single person of color here. 180 00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:44,950 Amir is barely ethnic. He's not even dark enough to count. 181 00:06:44,968 --> 00:06:46,952 I see. Would you like me to wrap a tablecloth around his head? 182 00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:49,005 It's just that the blond imperial wizard is coming, 183 00:06:49,056 --> 00:06:50,890 and everyone here is whiter than any woman 184 00:06:50,924 --> 00:06:52,592 who's had Ambien sex with Tiger Woods. 185 00:06:52,626 --> 00:06:55,895 Why are we letting this small-minded woman get to us? 186 00:06:55,929 --> 00:06:57,630 Because we don't want her to be right. 187 00:06:57,648 --> 00:06:58,898 We are not hypocrites. 188 00:06:58,932 --> 00:07:00,433 We are human, which means 189 00:07:00,467 --> 00:07:02,935 we do not always live up to our ideals. 190 00:07:02,969 --> 00:07:04,970 But at least we have them. 191 00:07:04,988 --> 00:07:06,639 Rocky! 192 00:07:06,657 --> 00:07:08,241 David: Oh! 193 00:07:08,275 --> 00:07:09,358 Hi. Thank God you're here. 194 00:07:09,409 --> 00:07:10,476 Hi. How are you? 195 00:07:10,494 --> 00:07:12,645 Oh. Thank you for coming. 196 00:07:12,663 --> 00:07:13,696 Thank you for having me. 197 00:07:13,747 --> 00:07:15,164 How are you? Well, of course. 198 00:07:15,199 --> 00:07:16,482 So? 199 00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:19,418 So? Where are your friends? 200 00:07:23,757 --> 00:07:26,292 If those aren't black albinos, we are screwed. 201 00:07:35,738 --> 00:07:37,271 Those lily white snow bunnies to my party? 202 00:07:37,322 --> 00:07:39,524 Excuse me?! David and I are trying to convince Mrs. Forrest 203 00:07:39,558 --> 00:07:40,858 that we have black friends. 204 00:07:40,892 --> 00:07:43,027 Oh, so when you realized you didn't, you invited me 205 00:07:43,061 --> 00:07:45,029 because you thought I'd bring a bunch of sistas? 206 00:07:45,064 --> 00:07:47,882 Right. Only we were hoping for more pointer and less bronte. 207 00:07:47,916 --> 00:07:50,501 Okay, so, you're assuming I only have black friends? 208 00:07:50,536 --> 00:07:51,836 That's racist. 209 00:07:51,870 --> 00:07:54,956 I'm horrible. I... (Sighs) I apologize. 210 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,742 Please help me. Lucky for you, I invited my brother. 211 00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,844 Don't know what time he's gonna be here, though. 212 00:07:59,878 --> 00:08:02,413 You know how black people are always late. 213 00:08:02,431 --> 00:08:04,515 So, that's really a thing? 214 00:08:06,101 --> 00:08:08,669 Did you ask Amir if he could beat-box? 215 00:08:08,721 --> 00:08:10,421 Excuse me. 216 00:08:10,455 --> 00:08:12,507 (Whispers loudly): Bryan, no! 217 00:08:12,558 --> 00:08:15,626 You're a waiter, so I'm going to go out on a limb here 218 00:08:15,644 --> 00:08:17,011 and assume, actor, as well? 219 00:08:17,062 --> 00:08:18,846 Yes! And let me say, Mr. Collins, 220 00:08:18,897 --> 00:08:19,931 I'm a huge fan of your show. 221 00:08:19,965 --> 00:08:21,933 Oh, thank you. Bryan. Bryan. Please. 222 00:08:21,967 --> 00:08:24,185 Hey, how would you like to audition for me right now? 223 00:08:24,236 --> 00:08:25,603 Right now? Are you serious? 224 00:08:25,637 --> 00:08:26,771 Yeah, it's very simple. 225 00:08:26,805 --> 00:08:28,773 You just have to play the role of my friend. 226 00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:30,942 Okay, uh, your friend. What's my back story? 227 00:08:30,976 --> 00:08:32,309 Am I the kid you took in 228 00:08:32,327 --> 00:08:34,028 off the street after I saved you from gettin' jacked? 229 00:08:34,079 --> 00:08:35,479 You know, like... 230 00:08:35,497 --> 00:08:37,915 My boy here was gonna die if I hadn't saved his white ass. 231 00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,650 Oh, yeah, yeah, I love that. 232 00:08:39,668 --> 00:08:41,753 It's very nineties-era law & order, but no. 233 00:08:41,787 --> 00:08:44,038 No. You are just the long-time contemporary 234 00:08:44,089 --> 00:08:45,423 of a very successful 235 00:08:45,457 --> 00:08:47,425 color-indifferent, TV writer/producer. 236 00:08:47,459 --> 00:08:49,093 And you're playing opposite the guest 237 00:08:49,128 --> 00:08:50,461 who just arrived. 238 00:08:50,495 --> 00:08:51,796 She's playing a very racist woman 239 00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:53,464 who doesn't believe that I have black friends. 240 00:08:53,498 --> 00:08:54,966 And action! 241 00:08:55,934 --> 00:08:58,436 Excuse me. Ah, Mrs. Forrest. 242 00:08:58,470 --> 00:09:00,271 Welcome. So happy you're here. 243 00:09:00,305 --> 00:09:02,774 Oh, can the coffee klatch, Marge. Where are the blacks? 244 00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:04,609 The blacks? Well, 245 00:09:04,643 --> 00:09:06,027 if you listen carefully, 246 00:09:06,061 --> 00:09:08,312 you can hear them in the fields singing spirituals. 247 00:09:08,346 --> 00:09:09,614 Ooh, look. There's one. 248 00:09:09,648 --> 00:09:11,399 But she's not really a friend, is she, 249 00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:13,451 because she works for the missus? (Laughs) 250 00:09:13,485 --> 00:09:14,852 Hi, Nana. Ah. 251 00:09:14,870 --> 00:09:16,904 Oh, Goldie, you're 24 years old. 252 00:09:16,955 --> 00:09:19,240 Would it kill you to put on a little lipstick? 253 00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:20,524 Where's the kid? 254 00:09:20,542 --> 00:09:23,661 Oh, she's upstairs writing Charlie rose fan fiction. 255 00:09:23,695 --> 00:09:25,746 I'm gonna grab a soda. Or... (Clears throat) 256 00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:27,131 Even healthier than a soda. 257 00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:29,000 Have you tried coconut water? 258 00:09:29,034 --> 00:09:30,868 Come on, I'll show you. 259 00:09:30,886 --> 00:09:32,253 Mrs. Forrest, mingle. 260 00:09:32,304 --> 00:09:34,422 It's what us humans do. 261 00:09:34,473 --> 00:09:35,590 Well, well, well, Jane Forrest. 262 00:09:35,641 --> 00:09:37,892 I'd like you to meet a dear, dear friend of mine 263 00:09:37,926 --> 00:09:39,877 from way, way back. 264 00:09:39,895 --> 00:09:44,015 Charles Worthington III, but my friends call me Tripp. 265 00:09:44,049 --> 00:09:45,883 (Knocking) 266 00:09:45,901 --> 00:09:48,986 Hey. 267 00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,988 Hi. How late am I? 268 00:09:51,023 --> 00:09:52,824 Oh. Super late. Everyone's already formed cliques 269 00:09:52,858 --> 00:09:54,108 and picked out their cubbies. 270 00:09:54,159 --> 00:09:55,860 Damn. I'm going to end up sitting 271 00:09:55,894 --> 00:09:57,411 with the booger eaters. Again. 272 00:09:57,446 --> 00:09:58,496 (Both laugh) 273 00:09:58,530 --> 00:10:00,331 I'm Clint, by the way. 274 00:10:00,365 --> 00:10:01,666 Oh. Uh, Goldie. Hi. 275 00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:04,902 Hey, baby brother. Good to see you. 276 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:08,339 Come on, let's walk the runway. 277 00:10:12,377 --> 00:10:14,212 You think she's buying it? 278 00:10:15,914 --> 00:10:18,299 I'm not sure black frasier is convincing anyone. 279 00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:20,134 Bryan was such a cut-up at Princeton. 280 00:10:20,185 --> 00:10:23,087 Always joshing around and doing the most scathing impressions. 281 00:10:23,105 --> 00:10:24,805 (Both laugh) 282 00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:28,192 I'm guessing you're not first in line at the Tyler Perry movies. 283 00:10:29,945 --> 00:10:32,813 (Indistinct chatter and laughter) 284 00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:34,565 I did not sign up for this. 285 00:10:34,599 --> 00:10:36,734 No, but you did promote our only waiter to best friend. 286 00:10:36,768 --> 00:10:38,602 Ooh, that looks yummy. What is it? 287 00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:40,938 Meat with things on it. Bon app�tit. 288 00:10:40,956 --> 00:10:42,156 So how do you know those guys? 289 00:10:42,207 --> 00:10:43,991 David's my doctor. 290 00:10:44,042 --> 00:10:45,159 He's excellent, too. 291 00:10:45,210 --> 00:10:46,661 Really knows his way around down there, 292 00:10:46,712 --> 00:10:48,546 which is what you want from a lady doctor, 293 00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:51,666 not that you would know... or, uh, maybe you do. 294 00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:54,335 I'm sure you've seen plenty of them up close. 295 00:10:54,386 --> 00:10:55,670 I'm going to stop talking. 296 00:10:55,721 --> 00:10:56,804 (Laughs) 297 00:10:56,838 --> 00:10:58,289 Are you sure you're single? 298 00:10:58,307 --> 00:11:02,393 Yeah, mm-hmm, I'm single, all right, very, very single. 299 00:11:02,427 --> 00:11:03,460 (Chuckling) 300 00:11:03,478 --> 00:11:06,597 Uh... potatoes? 301 00:11:06,631 --> 00:11:07,598 Yeah, let's do it. 302 00:11:07,632 --> 00:11:09,433 Tripp: Mostly I work with father. 303 00:11:09,467 --> 00:11:12,270 He has a boutique arbitrage firm downtown. 304 00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:14,471 Your brother and my granddaughter 305 00:11:14,489 --> 00:11:16,524 really seem to be hitting it off. 306 00:11:16,575 --> 00:11:18,859 If they start dating, I swear to God, I'll throw myself 307 00:11:18,911 --> 00:11:20,161 under a bus. 308 00:11:20,195 --> 00:11:23,147 If they start dating, I swear to God, there is no God. 309 00:11:23,165 --> 00:11:25,283 (Both laugh) 310 00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:30,288 Bryan, could I get a splash more coffee when you get a chance? 311 00:11:30,322 --> 00:11:33,257 Coffee coming right up. 312 00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:34,491 Laugh it up, drunky. 313 00:11:34,509 --> 00:11:35,593 Relax, it's skinny girl. 314 00:11:35,627 --> 00:11:37,128 It's only 100 calories per glass. 315 00:11:37,162 --> 00:11:39,496 That doesn't mean you can drink four times as much. 316 00:11:39,514 --> 00:11:40,431 Goldie. 317 00:11:40,465 --> 00:11:41,799 Oh, great, thank you. Delicious. 318 00:11:42,634 --> 00:11:43,634 Fruit. 319 00:11:43,668 --> 00:11:44,769 Why are you being punished? 320 00:11:44,803 --> 00:11:48,439 Oh, they just know I'm allergic to crust. 321 00:11:48,473 --> 00:11:50,674 (Laughs) And deliciousness. 322 00:11:50,692 --> 00:11:52,143 (Coughs) 323 00:11:52,177 --> 00:11:53,227 Amir: Honey, you okay? 324 00:11:53,278 --> 00:11:56,513 Fine, just, cake went down the wrong way. 325 00:11:56,531 --> 00:11:59,450 Well, fortunately you have two doctors at the table, 326 00:11:59,484 --> 00:12:01,402 so choke all you want. We are on the job. 327 00:12:01,453 --> 00:12:03,154 Yeah, so long as you have health insurance. 328 00:12:03,188 --> 00:12:04,789 (Laughter) 329 00:12:04,823 --> 00:12:06,157 Well, unless Romney wins, 330 00:12:06,191 --> 00:12:08,025 and then we'll just have to sit here and watch you die. 331 00:12:08,043 --> 00:12:09,360 Jane: Oh, you liberals. 332 00:12:09,378 --> 00:12:11,412 You sure do love to twist the truth, don't you? 333 00:12:11,463 --> 00:12:12,830 Oh, that's right, everybody, 334 00:12:12,864 --> 00:12:15,750 we have a real, live republican at the table here tonight. 335 00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:18,202 Quick, everyone show proof of citizenship. 336 00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:19,370 (Laughter) 337 00:12:19,388 --> 00:12:20,588 So, Jane, 338 00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:22,873 you don't think all Americans are entitled 339 00:12:22,891 --> 00:12:24,475 to affordable health care? If you can find 340 00:12:24,509 --> 00:12:26,677 affordable health care, more power to you. 341 00:12:26,711 --> 00:12:28,929 I just don't want the federal government 342 00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:30,648 making decisions that are 343 00:12:30,682 --> 00:12:32,099 my choice to make. 344 00:12:32,150 --> 00:12:33,851 Unless it's a woman's right to choose. 345 00:12:33,885 --> 00:12:36,053 Yeah, or the right to marry whomever you love. 346 00:12:36,071 --> 00:12:37,221 You know, by all means, 347 00:12:37,239 --> 00:12:39,357 vote for your pet projects 348 00:12:39,391 --> 00:12:40,557 over the good 349 00:12:40,575 --> 00:12:41,692 of the entire country. 350 00:12:41,726 --> 00:12:43,828 Uh, equality is not a pet project. 351 00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:45,279 It's actually a moral imperative. 352 00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:47,398 Look, Obama's plan might not have been perfect, 353 00:12:47,416 --> 00:12:48,949 but at least he tried coming up with a fix. 354 00:12:49,001 --> 00:12:50,034 Yeah. Jane: Yeah, by making me pay 355 00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:53,004 every time some illegal sprains his ankle 356 00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:53,871 jumping the border. 357 00:12:53,905 --> 00:12:54,872 This chocolate pie 358 00:12:54,906 --> 00:12:56,340 is delicious, by the way. 359 00:12:56,375 --> 00:12:58,742 Thank you, I made it myself. (Bryan laughs) 360 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:00,211 Your whole system is broke, 361 00:13:00,245 --> 00:13:02,129 and your Obama just wants to keep dumping 362 00:13:02,180 --> 00:13:03,714 more money into it. It's like giving 363 00:13:03,748 --> 00:13:06,634 penicillin to a Kardashian... too little, too late. 364 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:08,135 That's good. So it's just about money to you? 365 00:13:08,186 --> 00:13:09,520 No, it isn't just about money. 366 00:13:09,554 --> 00:13:11,889 It's about personal responsibility, 367 00:13:11,923 --> 00:13:14,809 and personal responsibility begins at home. 368 00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:17,428 I run my house the way the government should be run. 369 00:13:17,446 --> 00:13:18,595 Goldie pays rent. 370 00:13:18,613 --> 00:13:19,864 There are no handouts, 371 00:13:19,898 --> 00:13:21,198 there's no freeloading. 372 00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:23,868 And the way you talk about a woman's right to choose... 373 00:13:23,902 --> 00:13:26,153 if I hadn't taken away her mother's right, 374 00:13:26,204 --> 00:13:27,271 she wouldn't be sitting 375 00:13:27,289 --> 00:13:28,772 with us while we sip amaretto 376 00:13:28,790 --> 00:13:30,708 around this table 377 00:13:30,742 --> 00:13:31,775 at the penis palace. 378 00:13:31,793 --> 00:13:33,044 Oh, yeah, 379 00:13:33,078 --> 00:13:37,164 that's right, 25 years ago my prize of a daughter, 380 00:13:37,215 --> 00:13:38,666 she-who-shall- not-be-named, 381 00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:41,052 was headed for the abortion clinic 382 00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:42,887 and I took away 383 00:13:42,921 --> 00:13:44,788 her right to choose. 384 00:13:44,806 --> 00:13:46,123 I forced her to take responsibility 385 00:13:46,141 --> 00:13:48,059 for her actions. 386 00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:50,127 We would not be having this rousing political debate, 387 00:13:50,145 --> 00:13:53,230 trying to sway Goldie's vote 388 00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:56,350 because Goldie wouldn't be here. 389 00:13:56,401 --> 00:13:57,902 How can you say that right in front of her? 390 00:13:57,936 --> 00:13:59,103 Oh, no, it's okay. 391 00:13:59,137 --> 00:14:01,272 She tells me that story every year on my birthday. 392 00:14:01,306 --> 00:14:02,273 So, who wants more wine? 393 00:14:02,307 --> 00:14:03,741 I'll get it. Yes, me. 394 00:14:03,775 --> 00:14:07,445 (Overlapping chatter) 395 00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:09,864 This is a disaster. 396 00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:11,699 I can't believe we're trying to impress this woman. Shh... 397 00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:13,984 What are you shush-shush-shush? Look, 398 00:14:14,002 --> 00:14:16,921 I-I think I may have offended some of your friends 399 00:14:16,955 --> 00:14:20,424 back there inadvertently with my passion. 400 00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:21,425 I'm sorry. 401 00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:24,845 Oh, well... thank you very much. 402 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,163 It was a little harsh. 403 00:14:26,181 --> 00:14:28,632 I think this might be a great time to change the mood. 404 00:14:28,666 --> 00:14:30,017 I bet your friends would be thrilled 405 00:14:30,051 --> 00:14:31,769 to hear some happy news, 406 00:14:31,803 --> 00:14:33,337 like you and sissy are going to be mommies. 407 00:14:33,355 --> 00:14:34,555 Hmm, I don't know. Oh, no, David's, 408 00:14:34,606 --> 00:14:35,839 David's superstitious. Yeah. 409 00:14:35,857 --> 00:14:37,775 He wants to wait to announce till the 12th week. 410 00:14:37,809 --> 00:14:40,611 You've got all your friends together in one place. 411 00:14:40,645 --> 00:14:42,012 You're at the ten-week mark, 412 00:14:42,030 --> 00:14:43,847 out of the woods. I think it would make 413 00:14:43,865 --> 00:14:45,449 the party memorable. 414 00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:47,485 Think about it. 415 00:14:49,371 --> 00:14:51,355 Clint: What are you doing morrow night? 416 00:14:51,373 --> 00:14:52,740 Want to go to a movie? 417 00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:55,576 Oh, um, yeah, that sounds fun. 418 00:14:55,627 --> 00:14:56,827 (Glass clinks) 419 00:14:56,861 --> 00:14:58,695 So, since you are 420 00:14:58,713 --> 00:15:00,197 all our closest friends... 421 00:15:00,215 --> 00:15:02,032 except you... 422 00:15:02,551 --> 00:15:03,700 and you and you, 423 00:15:03,718 --> 00:15:04,701 now seems 424 00:15:04,719 --> 00:15:07,871 like the perfect time to tell you 425 00:15:07,889 --> 00:15:09,673 that Bryan and I 426 00:15:09,707 --> 00:15:11,041 are pregnant. 427 00:15:11,059 --> 00:15:14,428 (Laughter) Thank you, thank you. 428 00:15:14,479 --> 00:15:17,097 We are ten weeks along with our baby 429 00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:19,150 and we could not be happier. 430 00:15:19,184 --> 00:15:21,235 And we could not have done this 431 00:15:21,269 --> 00:15:23,053 without our amazing surrogate 432 00:15:23,071 --> 00:15:25,105 Goldie, so, Goldie... 433 00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:26,157 A toast to Goldie. 434 00:15:26,191 --> 00:15:27,825 David: Cheers. 435 00:15:27,859 --> 00:15:29,443 You're pregnant with their baby? 436 00:15:29,494 --> 00:15:32,446 Oh, wait, Shania really should be here for this. 437 00:15:32,497 --> 00:15:33,447 Shania is Goldie's daughter 438 00:15:33,498 --> 00:15:34,999 from her crumbling marriage. 439 00:15:35,867 --> 00:15:38,536 Excuse me, please. 440 00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:43,958 What? 441 00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:54,963 I am so sick of you all crapping your $400 jeans 442 00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:56,522 over this Obama. 443 00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:57,857 Don't lump me in with them. 444 00:15:57,875 --> 00:16:00,192 Oh, excuse me, $20 jeans. 445 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:01,360 I'm voting for Romney. 446 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:02,345 What? 447 00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:03,696 You done lost your damn mind. 448 00:16:03,714 --> 00:16:06,632 Wow, a black republican. 449 00:16:06,667 --> 00:16:08,418 You know, I've heard stories. 450 00:16:08,469 --> 00:16:09,919 I just never knew they were real. 451 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,221 How can you turn your back on Barack right now? 452 00:16:12,256 --> 00:16:13,222 I don't vote race. 453 00:16:13,257 --> 00:16:14,557 I vote issues, 454 00:16:14,591 --> 00:16:16,426 and I think Romney's experience as a businessman is 455 00:16:16,477 --> 00:16:18,644 the thing we need to get this economy moving. 456 00:16:18,679 --> 00:16:19,812 Goldie isn't answering. 457 00:16:19,847 --> 00:16:21,064 I think I might call the cops. 458 00:16:21,098 --> 00:16:23,149 You are not sending a policeman to chase down 459 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,718 a hormonal girl's temper tantrums. 460 00:16:25,736 --> 00:16:26,886 I'll track her myself. 461 00:16:26,904 --> 00:16:28,104 Yeah, why don't you hop on your broomstick 462 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:31,491 and write "surrender Goldie" over the Hollywood skies? 463 00:16:31,525 --> 00:16:33,559 Was that an actual Judy Garland reference? 464 00:16:33,577 --> 00:16:36,061 I'm surprised you're not wearing Ruby slippers. 465 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,062 Keep joking, lady. 466 00:16:37,081 --> 00:16:38,230 It's your manipulations 467 00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:39,832 that made her run off in the first place. 468 00:16:39,867 --> 00:16:42,085 My manipulations, mine? Yeah. 469 00:16:42,119 --> 00:16:45,254 This party is a bigger farce than tom cruise's marriage 470 00:16:45,289 --> 00:16:47,006 to that girl with the dead eyes. 471 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:48,240 Which one? 472 00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,242 Okay, uh, this is getting weird, 473 00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,294 and, uh, 474 00:16:51,345 --> 00:16:52,428 my catering shift ended an hour ago, 475 00:16:52,463 --> 00:16:53,846 so... 476 00:16:53,881 --> 00:16:56,182 I think we can both agree that I nailed it. 477 00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,800 Call my people. 478 00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:58,801 I knew it. 479 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,636 He's an actor. 480 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:01,687 He was a black actor. 481 00:17:01,722 --> 00:17:03,255 Farce. A blactor. Enough, hey! 482 00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:05,925 The important thing is that we find Goldie. 483 00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:07,810 Now, where the hell could she be? 484 00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,612 I think I might know where she is. 485 00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:15,985 See, told you she'd be here. 486 00:17:18,572 --> 00:17:20,490 Hey, hey, order me a double cheeseburger and fries 487 00:17:20,541 --> 00:17:21,791 but say it's for you. 488 00:17:21,825 --> 00:17:23,159 I'll eat it cold, crouched behind the potting bench 489 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,710 in the garage after David falls asleep. 490 00:17:24,745 --> 00:17:26,746 Your secret's safe with me. 491 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,469 Goldie, we are so sorry. 492 00:17:33,504 --> 00:17:35,287 We had no right to announce the pregnancy 493 00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,223 before talking to you first. 494 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:38,558 And the food. 495 00:17:38,592 --> 00:17:41,144 David was so controlling about the food. 496 00:17:41,178 --> 00:17:42,294 Jane: Oh, come on, 497 00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,630 you know the real reason you ran off is because 498 00:17:44,648 --> 00:17:46,432 Wayland and Madame here were trying to sway your vote 499 00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,067 and keep that man in the brown house. 500 00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:50,186 (Crying) 501 00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,137 No, no, no, no, you can have the burger. 502 00:17:52,156 --> 00:17:53,990 Here, eat, finish the burger. Bryan: Yeah, yeah, le-le-let's 503 00:17:54,024 --> 00:17:55,441 get you some chili, too, I mean, 504 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,476 I mean, if, if, if you want chili. 505 00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,028 That's right. 506 00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,113 We still might make suggestions, 507 00:18:01,147 --> 00:18:03,816 but if you want to eat chili, you can eat chili. 508 00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:06,586 I'm sorry for being so emotional, guys. 509 00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:07,620 It's just that I thought 510 00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,488 that moving out here, changing everything, 511 00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:11,090 that my life was finally going 512 00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:14,210 to be my own, but it's not. 513 00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,045 Clay is suing me for custody. 514 00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:17,263 This paper says 515 00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:19,715 I got to take Shania back to Ohio. 516 00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,353 Hallelujah. 517 00:18:24,388 --> 00:18:25,938 That moron finally did 518 00:18:25,973 --> 00:18:27,523 one smart thing. 519 00:18:27,558 --> 00:18:29,058 Okay, okay. 520 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,281 (School bell rings) 521 00:18:40,454 --> 00:18:41,737 Hey. Hey. 522 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,739 So who'd you vote for? 523 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:44,790 Well, I was leaning 524 00:18:44,825 --> 00:18:46,576 Romney for a while because he seems 525 00:18:46,627 --> 00:18:48,377 more committed to Israel's security, 526 00:18:48,412 --> 00:18:49,662 but Obama believes gay people 527 00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,297 should be treated like human beings, 528 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,632 and you guys are gay, 529 00:18:52,666 --> 00:18:55,551 so that made me vote for him. 530 00:18:55,586 --> 00:18:57,036 Yes. I feel like we're watching her 531 00:18:57,054 --> 00:18:58,554 take her first steps. Yeah. 532 00:18:58,589 --> 00:19:01,140 Hey, Shania, want to help me pull my lever? 533 00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:02,374 Okay. 534 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:04,260 Hey, let's save that for your first term in congress, kid. 535 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,377 Off you go. 536 00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:07,212 So, Goldie, how are you going to vote? 537 00:19:07,231 --> 00:19:09,315 Like daughter, like mother? Hmm? 538 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:11,216 Meh. 539 00:19:12,936 --> 00:19:14,987 What, you haven't decided who to vote for yet? 540 00:19:15,022 --> 00:19:16,272 A billion dollars in ads... 541 00:19:16,323 --> 00:19:17,890 I didn't say I don't know who I'm voting for. 542 00:19:17,908 --> 00:19:19,058 I'm just not telling you. 543 00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:20,893 Isn't that the whole point of a true democracy? 544 00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:23,613 Well played. 545 00:19:24,448 --> 00:19:25,731 And we will honor that. 546 00:19:25,749 --> 00:19:28,367 Blink once for Obama, twice for the mormon. 547 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:29,401 (Laughs) 548 00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:37,960 You know, it would be nice to have more diversity 549 00:19:38,011 --> 00:19:40,680 in our lives... if not for us, for the baby. 550 00:19:40,714 --> 00:19:41,464 It's true. 551 00:19:41,515 --> 00:19:42,798 Growing up with two white dads. 552 00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,017 I mean, how much travel and culture and dance 553 00:19:45,052 --> 00:19:46,018 can one kid take? 554 00:19:46,053 --> 00:19:47,186 I'm serious. 555 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,438 I know, I know, and I agree. 556 00:19:49,473 --> 00:19:52,108 I mean, we talk the talk, but we don't always walk the walk. 557 00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,094 Not a word to your grandmother. 558 00:19:55,112 --> 00:19:57,480 We will deny it, I swear. 559 00:19:57,531 --> 00:19:58,864 You know, it's never too late. 560 00:19:58,899 --> 00:20:01,567 Come on. 561 00:20:06,540 --> 00:20:09,208 Um, hi, I'm Goldie, Shania's mom. 562 00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:10,293 I'm Renee. 563 00:20:10,327 --> 00:20:12,295 This is my husband Joe and our son Matthew. 564 00:20:12,329 --> 00:20:13,462 So, how far along are you? 565 00:20:13,497 --> 00:20:14,664 Almost six months. 566 00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:16,082 Goldie: Oh, congratulations. 567 00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:19,218 I'm not showing yet but, um, I'm pregnant, too. 568 00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:20,503 Oh, congratulations to you. 569 00:20:20,554 --> 00:20:22,505 Oh, well, thank... um, actually it's, it's not my baby. 570 00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,423 It's theirs. 571 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:26,458 I'm their surrogate. (Joe chuckles) 572 00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,978 You know, we've done this before. 573 00:20:29,012 --> 00:20:31,180 If you have questions about being first-time parents, 574 00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,398 we should have dinner sometime. 575 00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:33,516 Uh, we would love that. 576 00:20:33,567 --> 00:20:34,800 Yeah, that'd be great. 577 00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:36,018 Thanks. Goldie: Cool. 578 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,353 Nice meeting you. See you. 579 00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:38,470 This is perfect. 580 00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:40,823 You were just saying we need some gay friends. 581 00:20:41,825 --> 00:20:43,776 (Indistinct chatter) 582 00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:45,811 (All laughing) 583 00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,916 Okay, who would you vote for? SpongeBob or Dora the Explorer? 584 00:20:56,036 --> 00:20:58,832 I think SpongeBob would definitely *** the gay marriage 585 00:20:58,952 --> 00:21:00,716 and Dora is better at foreign policy. 586 00:21:00,836 --> 00:21:02,789 *** 587 00:21:02,909 --> 00:21:05,467 I won. Easter Bunny or Santa Claus? 588 00:21:05,587 --> 00:21:09,146 Um, Santa. ***, but 589 00:21:09,266 --> 00:21:11,889 the Easter Bunny, I mean we never even see him, what's he hiding? 590 00:21:12,009 --> 00:21:13,015 Easter eggs? 591 00:21:13,135 --> 00:21:14,877 I still think he should release his tax returns. 592 00:21:16,373 --> 00:21:24,946 593 00:21:24,996 --> 00:21:29,546 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42712

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