All language subtitles for The Millers s01e23 Day.eng

Where's Uncle Nathan?

He and Ray are living on the streets

for an undercover investigation.

Several homeless people said a
van has been snatching them up

and dropping them off
across the state line.

Stay away from vans, sweetie,

they are rolling evil.

Vans don't hurt people, Carol.

People with vans hurt people.

Hey, how come you get to
sleep in the bigger box?

I'm taller.

Finders, keepers; it's
the law of the street.

Plus, we're the same height, anyway.

Sure, standing up...

but when I lay down, I spread.

I'm like a stick of butter in a hot pan.

That's ridiculous.

You don't believe me?

Lie down.

Aw, come on, Ray. No way.

Finders, keepers!

That's the law of the street, baby!

I think he's crazy to be out there

living in a box with hidden cameras.

Waiting to be kidnapped.

If they harm one hair on his body...

Good luck.

That thing's waxed cleaner than a Ken doll.

I'm proud of Nathan.

The more risks you take on as a reporter,

the higher up the chain you go.

It's like the Scud Stud from the Gulf War.

Or, uh... when Katie Couric
did her colonoscopy on TV.

That's-that's how you
make a name for yourself;

dodging missiles.

Or, showing America your pooper.

Yeah, and it's, it's only for a week, Mom.

Nathan said if he's not
kidnapped by Sunday,

he'll come home.

You know and he, he's not out there alone.

Ray has his back.

Ow! Get off my back!

Get out of my house!

This is not your house!

Mom, what are you doing to my calendar?

Just highlighting Sunday as Mother's Day,

so you don't forget again.

Yeah. It was one time,
and I was six years old.

Nathan didn't forget
Mother's Day when he was six.

He dressed in a tiny tuxedo
and asked me to marry him.

Aw...

And 35 years later,

he seems to have gotten his wish.

After living in Myrtle Beach,

I sure am looking forward to

getting back to our old traditions.

We'll have brunch at LaRosa Bistro

and then spend the rest
of the day at Nathan's.

What about Motherless
Day? "Motherless Day"?

Yeah. It's how we celebrate Mother's Day.

I get a vacation from being a mom.

Mikayla get's a vacation from having one.

No rules. No nagging. No judgment.

It's the most fun day ever.

Last year, I called dad "Adam" all day,

and then I peed in the sink.

Yeah, Motherless Day is a
tradition that my mom started

back in the commune.

For one day, she could
do whatever she wanted.

And then, nine months later,

I'd usually have another half-sibling.

Well, when I'm dead,

you can go back to being lawless hooligans.

Wait a minute, so you expect us

to change our plans?

Do you know how awful

the last ten Mother's
Days have been for me?

Other than your brother sending me

a beautiful bouquet of
flowers and a wonderful poem,

I would be forced to spend my entire day

alone with your father.

Yes... 24 hours alone with your mother;

that was my Vietnam.

And I fought in Vietnam.

Okay. Fine. You win. There'll
be no Motherless Day.

Aw, come on, Deb. That's our tradition.

I mean, what are you gonna get rid of next?

Naked Easter? Naked Labor Day?

Daylight Naked Time?

I'm sorry, Adam, but we'll

go to brunch at LaRosa Bistro

and then we'll head over to Nathan's.

But I promise you, when the
clocks move forward this year,

our clothes will come off.

Hello.

Anybody home...

less?

Oh, Nate's...

he's in his bedroom.

Be careful though, he's
not in a great mood.

And neither am I.

But we promised, we'd
never go to box angry!

Well, maybe I'm angry because

somebody stole all the
rainwater that I collected.

That you collected in my eggshells!

Whoa...

That one had ants in it.

Good!

Hey, uh... brought you some leftovers.

Oh. Thanks.

I'm starving.

So, Nathan, what are you gonna
do when you get home on Sunday?

Oh... I'm gonna take a shower,

get in a clean bed and
sleep for like 24 hours.

Well, yeah, I know, but Sunday is...

Come on, Debbie, I just want to rest.

Okay?

And I, I know that probably means

that I'm gonna miss
Mikayla's soccer game, but...

sorry, it's not really soccer.

They all just run towards the ball.

It's like throwing a piece
of bread in a duck pond.

So... Sunday is just about you?

N-Nobody else?

It's... basically just Nathan's Day?

I think I deserve that.

Yes, you certainly do.

Nathan forgot Mother's Day!

He forgot Mother's Day...!

Damn it, this would have
better if someone were in here.

I can't believe we're spending
Motherless Day making Carol

a fruit smoothie for when she wakes up.

Tell me about it.

I filled a pillowcase full of Skittles

and put Bad Grandpa on the DVR for nothing.

Yeah. Sorry, guys. I'll make it up to you.

It's just, it's not every day

I get to outshine my brother, you know?

Oh. Oh. Here.

Put in some more coffee beans.

I want mom really buzzing
when she goes off on Nathan.

What are you doing here?

Run, Munchkins!

It's the Wicked Witch of the West!

Stop it, Tom. You can't afford
to kill any more brain cells.

Is that my mommy I hear?

Happy Mother's Day!

You too!

Oh... How sweet.

Does anyone else see my
grandfather in that chair?

I think I need something to eat.

Is Nathan home yet?

No. But I'm sure he has all kinds of

wonderful things planned,

since forgetting Mother's Day
would be incredibly thoughtless,

dare I say, unforgivable.

I have a delivery from Nathan Miller.

Oh, come on! Oh...!

Those are for me.

Come in. Come in. Come in.

Oh. I'm sorry. I don't have a tip for you.

I leave my wallet on my
dresser on Mother's Day.

Oh. I know. Here...

give these to your mother.

Mm. Those are weeds.

No, they're not.

I'm a licensed florist.

You're holding weeds.

That's weird.

I just got a text saying that
my flower delivery's arrived.

Probably for Mother's Day, right?

Today's Mother's Day?

Oh, God. Oh, this is bad.

This is very, very bad.

Why? You just said you had
flowers delivered to your house.

Yeah. I got a standing
order at McGee's Florist

to automatically deliver flowers

and a personalized poem every Mother's Day.

One to my mother who used
to live in Myrtle Beach

and the other to my house

for my ex-mother-in-law.

I forgot to change the order.

My mother's got flowers, but
she's got the wrong poem.

I got to get that card!

Look who suddenly gets busy on Moving Day!

I want to wait for Nathan to
get home before I open the card,

but I really want to read this year's poem.

No. I'll wait.

But I have to read it.

No, I'll wait.

God! Just read the damn card.

"A mother is a gift from above.

"Always there with unconditional love.

"Your cooking is delicious.

"Your advice is judicious.

"You simply have no flaw.

"You're the perfect mother...

"...in-law."

I can explain.

"Mother-in-law"?!

Wait. Mom. Mom.

These flowers aren't for you.

They're for Natalie Durkess,

Nathan's ex-wife's mother, not you.

Oh. What a turn of events.

I have a standing order at McGee's Florist.

I pre-wrote a bunch of poems.

I forgot to cancel Janice's
Mom's flowers after our divorce.

I'm sure there's a huge bouquet
outside of your old house

in Myrtle Beach.

So, you forgot Mother's Day?

No... the whole reason that I
set up the automatic delivery

was so that I would never forget.

Or never have to remember.

Well. Maybe this is a good time

for me to read my poem.

"Mother, 'M' is for the
moments we've shared,

"'O' is for..."

Wait a second.

Why were Natalie's flowers delivered here?

She used to spend Mother's Day here.

"'O' is for only I remember..."

While I was in Myrtle Beach,

you were cheating on me
with another mother?!

I do not miss that volume.

Look, Mom, come on.

I said I was sorry.

Yeah, with the same mouth that's
been lying to me for 10 years.

Oh, no. She's coming in hot.

Scramble! Don't make eye contact.

She'll see you as a threat.

You forgot Mother's Day!

The one day of the year that
I expect special treatment

and you forgot it!

"The one day" that you
expect special treatment?

"The one day"?

Every day since you've lived
here has been Mother's Day.

Do you...

Do you know what being your child is like?

It's like, it's like the guy that runs

the nuclear power plant.

Every day, you do a thousand things right,

but you make one mistake

and it's a complete catastrophe.

You know what being your mother is like?

Is like being the guy in the power plant

whose son is ungrateful.

If you don't want me around anymore,

I think it's time that I move.

Oh, come on. We're doing this again?

The "I'm moving out" show?

It's not a show.

I need the classifieds.

Where's the newspaper?

Oh, no. There's nowhere to scramble!

Just make yourself small.

Has anyone seen a newspaper?

Looks like I'll be spending
this Mother's Day brunch

looking for a new place to live!

You know what? I'm not going to brunch.

Okay. I-I-I'm-I'm sorry.

I'm exhausted. I spent the
entire week living in a box,

trying to get abducted,

and the only good thing that came out of it

is that I now fit in my
skinny, skinny jeans.

So...

forgive me if I don't want to go out

so that you can continue
this show in public.

Well, fine. We'll just go without you.

Debbie, let's go.

Oh. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

You barely looked at my flowers.

You didn't listen to my poem.

Do you know what?

I give up my entire day

to make Nathan look bad

and you don't even care.

So, you know what?

Forget your Mother's Day.

Motherless Day is back on.

Adam, take me to my couch.

Yes'm.

Take it easy, Carol!

They're my ride.

Happy Mother's Day.

Bye, Grandpa.

Fine. Looks like I'll be
going to brunch alone.

Sure you are. You don't even drive.

How you gonna get there?

I'll walk.

And everyone in Leesburg
will be pointing and saying,

"What kind of son would let his mother

"trot along the highway on Mother's Day?!"

I'll be walking up Maple Street to First.

In case this information
becomes important to you

five minutes from now.

Ma'am, I am sorry to bother you again,

but there are other people waiting.

And that gentleman has low blood sugar.

Are you sure your family's coming?

Don't worry. They'll be here.

They just needed time to think.

Here.

How about this? I'll
speed things along a bit.

I'll send my son a sad selfie.

That's how I got him to
bring me a turkey sandwich

in the bathtub.

Gar?on.

I found the bottom of my glass again.

I thought these, uh, mimosas
was supposed to be bottomless.

Ma'am, it has been another 20 minutes.

Perhaps we could move you to the bar

until your family arrives.

I'm... quite comfortable here.

I see that.

It's just that, like many restaurants,

we're in the business of selling food.

Fine. You want me to order?

I'll order.

My daughter and her whole family will have

whatever dumb vegetarian thing you have.

My, forever-dieting son will have a salad.

And my ex-husband loves the baked halibut.

So, give him the chicken.

"Give him the chicken!"

"He loves the halibut!"

Guys, we got to go.

Mom's all alone at LaRosa's
and she just texted me a video

of all the happy mothers
with their families.

Happy mother.

Happy mother. Happy mother...

Your mother.

I can't believe she went there by herself.

I can. It's so typical.

It's just another one of her guilt-trips.

You can't give in to this, Nathan.

Be strong.

Come join us on the couch,

where we refuse to feed the beast.

Look, I, I hear what you're saying, Debbie,

but, I, I don't think that
today is the best day to,

"starve the beast."

It's her day. It's...

well, it's Beast Day.

So, it's the perfect day to take a stand.

She'll know you finally mean it.

Unlike all the other times,
where you just give in.

What you need to do,

is ferberize her.

"Ferberize"?

Is that the thing on TV
that you hook to your vacuum

to give yourself a haircut?

No.

Well, that's what I vote we do, anyway.

Hold her down and cut
her hair with a vacuum.

She'd hate that.

Ferberizing is a method to
help babies go to sleep.

See, instead of running
to them when they cry,

you just let them cry until
they fall asleep on their own.

I-I don't know. That'd be so hard.

I mean knowing that she's
there all upset, I...

N-N-No one said it was gonna
be easy, Nathan. All right?

When Mikayla used to cry, I'd get so upset,

that Debbie would have
to massage my earlobes.

It creates a wonderfully distracting tingle

that you can feel all
the way down to your...

toes.

Okay, so, so you're saying

that by ignoring mom,

it's not that we're withholding love,

it's that we're giving... independence?

- Exactly.
- Yes.

Okay, yeah, I could do that. I'm in.

Oh...

Aw, man, she's holding a loaf of bread

like it's a baby.

What, what if we just...

Oh, yeah. Yeah. That is tingly.

Nothing wrong with a guy
getting a little earlobe massage

from his sister, right?

It's me, Adam.

Oh, God!

Mmm...

Oh, damn it.

My phone's dead.

I must've took...

too many pictures.

Excuse me! That's my pocketbook.

Relax. I just need a phone for two minutes.

Why do you have a gun?

- Ma'am, ma'am.
- Huh?

You need to stay at your own table.

- Oh, ho, ho.
- And it may be time

for you to sit on your hands.

And we're gonna need these chairs

- for patrons who have actually shown up.
- Ah, ah, ah.

Not gonna happen.

- Ma'am, let go.
- Nope.

Ma'am, you are making a scene.

You're making a scene!

Fine!

Ooh...

That was wild.

I'm still wet and cold.

I'm sorry, but that's all the
coats we had in lost and found.

Look, I know I have a kind face,

but I'm very close to slapping you.

I think it's time for you to leave.

Yeah, well,

my family and I

will never come in here again.

Your family was never
here in the first place.

You're not gonna like this.

My wallet stays on my
dresser on Mother's Day.

It doesn't matter.

The-the meal is on the house.

We just need you to go. Now.

First, I'll need you to wrap
all this stuff up to go.

And if it doesn't live up to

my high "cumilary" standards,

I will certainly write

an eloquent, albeit
negative, review on Yelp.

I do not need that boxed up.

Tell me I have to leave your restaurant?

Me?

Me?!

What?!

It's my day.

Kidding me?

Ask me to leave your restaurant,

you big old show-off?

This is my day.

My day.

What the...?

It's after midnight.

Where could she be?

Don't worry, I'm sure she's fine.

Sometimes she gets like this,

but she always comes back.

She's like a bitchy boomerang.

I made it!

Oh, my God.

Mom, you're alive!

Where were you? What happened?

It was crazy! Crazy!

I was walking down Sycamore Street...

I guess I looked like a homeless person,

because some people scooped me up in a van!

Oh, my God, it's true!

They were snatching up homeless!

I'm too pretty to pull off "homeless."

Right. Shut up, Nathan.

Oh, yeah, you're right, you're right.

It's not about me, it's about you.

- Yeah. Mom, did they hurt you?
- No.

Actually, they were very nice.

They said they were just trying

to clean up the neighborhood.

I must've passed out in the van,

'cause when I woke up, it was dark outside

and I was sleeping in a Dumpster

with a bum named Larry.

He said "bum" wasn't a very PC term,

that he preferred "urban outdoorsman,"

but that he liked me

and so he'd give me a pass on the B-word.

But... Mom...

Okay, why didn't you
find a phone and call us?

Because I was mad.

So I ditched my heels,

traded Larry a ten-minute
back rub for these boots,

climbed out of the Dumpster,

headed south and hitchhiked along 95!

Wait... wait, you... you hitchhiked?

This is amazing.

I know, right?

I was picked up by a trucker.

His name was Bucky.

He gave me these energy drinks.

They...

they come in these tiny little bottles

and they're amazing.

I could climb a tree right now.

Who wants to climb a tree?

- Okay, Mom, Mom, Mom...
- Huh?

Why don't you just sit down?

- Dad, why don't you get her some tea?
- Yeah. Decaf.

I'm so sorry that we left
you alone on Mother's Day.

Well, you shouldn't be.

I was so caught up in my adventure,

and trying to survive,

that for the first time in 43 years,

I wasn't thinking about being a mother

and it was exhilarating!

You had a motherless Mother's Day.

See, I told you it was great.

You know what?

It was.

And Nathan...

starting tomorrow,

I'm gonna look for a place of my own.

And I mean it this time.

Look, no, Mom, you don't have to...

Yes, I do.

You know...

I went from living with your father

and taking care of him 24/7

to coming up here and
doing the same for you.

The time has come to take care of me.

And the only way to do that is to...

go out there on my own.

So...

I'm moving out.

Wow.

When you said, "I'm moving out,"

I thought I just heard angels sing,

but I...

I'm kidding.

I'm really proud of you, Mom.

And I guess I gave you

the best gift ever by
forgetting Mother's Day.

Who could be calling here after midnight?

Hello?

Yeah, she's here.

Ooh, I guess she did.

I'll put her on.

It's your mother.

You forgot Mother's Day.

Oh, crap. I do this every year.

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