Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,970 --> 00:00:11,529
Wow.
2
00:00:11,530 --> 00:00:13,539
- Must be the right place.
- Mm-hmm.
3
00:00:13,540 --> 00:00:15,369
Can I help you guys with something?
4
00:00:15,370 --> 00:00:17,209
Oh, hi. Yeah, uh, my
boss sent me down here.
5
00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:19,479
I'm-I'm going undercover,
and I-I need a disguise
6
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:20,640
that's good enough
7
00:00:20,650 --> 00:00:22,509
that even my own mother
wouldn't recognize me.
8
00:00:22,510 --> 00:00:26,179
Already got one that's
good enough to fool my dad.
9
00:00:26,180 --> 00:00:28,589
He's, uh... he's kind of dopey.
10
00:00:28,590 --> 00:00:31,250
If-if you knew him, you'd be cracking up.
11
00:00:31,260 --> 00:00:33,459
Hey, Nate, guess how I feel.
12
00:00:33,460 --> 00:00:34,589
You feel horny.
13
00:00:34,590 --> 00:00:35,990
I feel horny!
14
00:00:37,930 --> 00:00:40,229
Look, I-I just need the
disguise to be believable.
15
00:00:40,230 --> 00:00:42,069
This story could really make my career.
16
00:00:42,070 --> 00:00:43,530
- Maybe even go national.
- Oh!
17
00:00:43,540 --> 00:00:45,699
I just, uh, don't want
to look like an amateur
18
00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:47,139
in a wig and glasses.
19
00:00:47,140 --> 00:00:48,400
Or Geraldo in the '80s.
20
00:00:48,410 --> 00:00:49,869
Got it. Have a seat.
21
00:00:49,870 --> 00:00:51,570
Joy, hop up.
22
00:00:51,580 --> 00:00:53,039
Oh, no, no, no. No, no, no. Sit, sit, sit.
23
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,709
I-I can stand till he's ready. Wow.
24
00:00:55,710 --> 00:00:58,819
That is a scary mole you
put on her, by the way.
25
00:00:58,820 --> 00:01:00,080
Yikes!
26
00:01:00,090 --> 00:01:02,049
I'm Joy.
27
00:01:02,050 --> 00:01:03,950
I'll be your makeup artist.
28
00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:10,460
Yup. Geraldo.
29
00:01:14,030 --> 00:01:16,330
Geraldo with a mole.
30
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:37,000
?Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17?
?www.addic7ed.com?
31
00:01:38,155 --> 00:01:40,729
I'm standing here at the
back entrance of Pete Sheets,
32
00:01:40,730 --> 00:01:42,229
where, earlier today, I went undercover
33
00:01:42,230 --> 00:01:43,999
wearing these special camera glasses.
34
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,299
Inside, I purchased what were advertised
35
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:49,299
as 800 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets.
36
00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:52,709
But who takes the time to
actually count the threads?
37
00:01:52,710 --> 00:01:56,179
We do, and it didn't take long.
38
00:01:56,180 --> 00:01:59,849
16, 17, 18, 19...
39
00:01:59,850 --> 00:02:02,050
and done.
40
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:04,719
That's right.
41
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:06,589
These are 19 thread count sheets.
42
00:02:06,590 --> 00:02:09,619
And our lab results say, the
cotton is actually from...
43
00:02:09,620 --> 00:02:11,359
Detroit.
44
00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,860
Uh-uh, not on my watch.
45
00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:20,769
Hey, Pete, I'd like to talk to you
46
00:02:20,770 --> 00:02:23,500
about these 800 thread count sheets.
47
00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:26,970
We've got a runner. We've got a runner!
48
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:31,979
Once again, my Miller instinct was right.
49
00:02:31,980 --> 00:02:35,349
It's kind of a play on-on
killer instinct, because the...
50
00:02:35,350 --> 00:02:39,150
Hey, were you guys even watching?
51
00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:41,119
- Yeah.
- It was fantastic.
52
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,289
- Yeah!
- You-you were good, son.
53
00:02:42,290 --> 00:02:44,589
So good. Great.
54
00:02:44,590 --> 00:02:46,729
Oh, that's me. It's time.
55
00:02:46,730 --> 00:02:48,259
Wait. Time for what, Dad?
56
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:50,060
Time to start dating.
57
00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:54,099
Wait, you set an alarm to remind you
58
00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:55,869
when it was time to start dating?
59
00:02:55,870 --> 00:02:57,469
Well, after your mother and I divorced,
60
00:02:57,470 --> 00:03:00,239
I decided I needed some
time alone to focus on me,
61
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,809
so, uh, I set my watch
to beep in seven months,
62
00:03:02,810 --> 00:03:05,610
when I figured I'd be ready
to date, and it beeped.
63
00:03:06,850 --> 00:03:08,749
Time to date.
64
00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:10,149
Have you seen yourself lately?
65
00:03:10,150 --> 00:03:11,780
I'd hit the snooze button.
66
00:03:14,750 --> 00:03:16,219
Wait... wait-wait a second.
67
00:03:16,220 --> 00:03:18,359
Seven months? Why... why seven?
68
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,189
Well, after 43 years
of your mother's voice,
69
00:03:20,190 --> 00:03:23,459
I needed one month for the
ringing in my ears to go away.
70
00:03:23,460 --> 00:03:26,899
That's what that is.
71
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:29,099
Then months two through
six to get in shape.
72
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:30,869
My body had fallen into disrepair
73
00:03:30,870 --> 00:03:33,009
with the last tenant; needed some
74
00:03:33,010 --> 00:03:35,609
renovations before it could be shown.
75
00:03:35,610 --> 00:03:38,610
Well, I hope you fix that leak.
76
00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:42,279
And the mold in the basement.
77
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,219
I spent the last month watching TV
78
00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:46,819
to learn techniques for picking up ladies.
79
00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:49,550
Turns out the best advice
was on Animal Planet.
80
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:53,759
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm
gonna go make myself look big
81
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:57,500
and expose my rear flank
to a receptive female.
82
00:03:59,070 --> 00:04:01,299
Guys, we-we can't just let him
83
00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:02,499
go out there like that.
84
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,399
He's gonna get rejected
by every woman he meets.
85
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,639
And we know that he does
not handle rejection well.
86
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:07,970
Yeah, Nathan's right.
87
00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:09,470
I mean, remember when they
turned down his business loan,
88
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:10,779
last year at the bank?
89
00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:13,309
Well, no bank was gonna
fund his workout DVD,
90
00:04:13,310 --> 00:04:15,410
Sweatin' With the Oldie.
91
00:04:18,850 --> 00:04:19,949
Yeah, well, in protest,
92
00:04:19,950 --> 00:04:21,650
he withdrew his entire life savings,
93
00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:23,289
and he stashed it in our couch.
94
00:04:23,290 --> 00:04:24,719
There's also a little in the chair
95
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:28,590
because he read somewhere
it was good to diversify.
96
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,159
Your father's gonna be fine.
97
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,429
There are plenty of
lonely old women out there
98
00:04:32,430 --> 00:04:33,869
ready to snatch him up.
99
00:04:33,870 --> 00:04:36,569
He's like the last piece
of soggy, mangled bacon
100
00:04:36,570 --> 00:04:38,169
on a breakfast buffet.
101
00:04:38,170 --> 00:04:41,369
Gross, but still bacon.
102
00:04:41,370 --> 00:04:42,809
Yeah, but that's the problem.
103
00:04:42,810 --> 00:04:44,209
He'll probably settle down
with the first woman he meets.
104
00:04:44,210 --> 00:04:45,709
You know, if he just latches on
105
00:04:45,710 --> 00:04:47,809
to the first woman he sees,
this could be bad for all of us.
106
00:04:47,810 --> 00:04:50,049
I mean, I think we all know
that when it comes to women,
107
00:04:50,050 --> 00:04:52,849
Tom isn't exactly picky.
108
00:04:52,850 --> 00:04:56,119
Excuse me...?
109
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,119
Sorry...
110
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,489
What I meant was,
111
00:04:58,490 --> 00:05:00,489
when it comes to women, he'll
take whatever he can get.
112
00:05:00,490 --> 00:05:01,660
Nope, that's not better.
113
00:05:03,430 --> 00:05:05,199
Plus, Dad's such a creature of habit,
114
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,129
so you know he's gonna marry this woman.
115
00:05:07,130 --> 00:05:09,330
Which will make me a stepchild.
116
00:05:09,340 --> 00:05:10,769
A red-headed stepchild.
117
00:05:10,770 --> 00:05:12,569
We know how that's gonna turn out.
118
00:05:14,070 --> 00:05:16,839
Those kids get killed at recess.
119
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,179
Look, I think it's up to us
to find Dad a new girlfriend.
120
00:05:19,180 --> 00:05:21,179
And she has to be able to take care of him.
121
00:05:21,180 --> 00:05:22,949
Yeah, and she better know CPR.
122
00:05:22,950 --> 00:05:25,549
Last week he nearly choked to
death on a scoop of ice cream.
123
00:05:25,550 --> 00:05:28,519
And you all make fun of me for
keeping a hairdryer in my car.
124
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,689
And she needs to be decisive.
125
00:05:31,690 --> 00:05:34,159
Poor Tom freezes up
whenever anyone asks him
126
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:35,159
his favorite color.
127
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,730
As far as I know, it's "blurple."
128
00:05:39,330 --> 00:05:40,560
And no murderers.
129
00:05:40,570 --> 00:05:42,830
I mean, I know that sounds judgy and un-PC,
130
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,399
but if someone has killed somebody,
131
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,439
I just have a hard time trusting them.
132
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,240
Yeah, no one's picking a murderer, Adam.
133
00:05:52,540 --> 00:05:54,809
Look, let's just keep our eyes open,
134
00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:56,749
and try to find someone before he does.
135
00:05:56,750 --> 00:05:58,279
We better hurry, because he's out there
136
00:05:58,280 --> 00:05:59,819
hitting on women right now.
137
00:05:59,820 --> 00:06:01,749
Hey.
138
00:06:01,750 --> 00:06:04,719
Uh, what's the name of
that lady down the street?
139
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,389
Can you be more specific?
140
00:06:06,390 --> 00:06:09,329
Uh, wh-what's that movie where
they're looking for the fish?
141
00:06:09,330 --> 00:06:10,829
Finding Nemo?
142
00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:12,760
Yeah, and who plays the daddy fish?
143
00:06:12,770 --> 00:06:14,360
Albert Brooks?
144
00:06:14,370 --> 00:06:16,369
Right, well, this woman goes power-walking
145
00:06:16,370 --> 00:06:19,370
with that woman who
looks like Albert Brooks.
146
00:06:20,310 --> 00:06:21,609
Rebecca with all the cats?
147
00:06:21,610 --> 00:06:24,570
Rebecca! That's it!
148
00:06:24,580 --> 00:06:26,810
I just hit Rebecca with my car.
149
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,390
Well, Rebecca's out.
150
00:06:44,950 --> 00:06:47,789
Y-You're sure you don't know
anybody who could date my dad?
151
00:06:47,790 --> 00:06:50,829
For free?
152
00:06:50,830 --> 00:06:53,181
No.
153
00:06:53,182 --> 00:06:53,969
Oh, hey!
154
00:06:53,970 --> 00:06:56,679
I caught your "Miller
Instinct" thing on the news.
155
00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,309
I like you standing up for the little guy.
156
00:06:58,310 --> 00:06:59,909
Who you busting today?
157
00:06:59,910 --> 00:07:01,849
Oh, it's a, it's a crooked doggy day care
158
00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:04,549
where, uh, beloved pets
are left unsupervised
159
00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:06,280
to fight amongst themselves.
160
00:07:06,290 --> 00:07:09,490
We're-we're calling it "Lord of the Fleas."
161
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:11,589
Yeah, no.
162
00:07:11,590 --> 00:07:14,790
I would've gone with "Bite Club."
163
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,559
I-I had that one written down, too, so...
164
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,099
if that's what it's called,
165
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:22,069
just know that.
166
00:07:22,070 --> 00:07:25,500
Oh, I am so sorry I'm late.
167
00:07:25,510 --> 00:07:27,309
I was in a restaurant
168
00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:29,739
and this old guy starts choking on a steak.
169
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,640
People didn't know what to do.
170
00:07:31,650 --> 00:07:33,449
So, I just grabbed a pen,
171
00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:35,610
and jammed it through his
neck to make an air hole.
172
00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:38,319
Oh, wow.
173
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:41,889
What a decisive,
first-aid-knowing lady you are.
174
00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:43,759
You... you wouldn't by any chance,
175
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:44,920
happen to be single, would you?
176
00:07:44,930 --> 00:07:46,789
Oh, recently.
177
00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:48,089
My husband passed away.
178
00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:50,329
Oh.
179
00:07:50,330 --> 00:07:52,860
You didn't murder him, did you?
180
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,369
And she has no kids,
181
00:07:59,370 --> 00:08:02,539
which means no annoying
stepchildren or grandchildren.
182
00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:05,840
Christmas can still be just all about us.
183
00:08:07,210 --> 00:08:08,410
Mom.
184
00:08:08,420 --> 00:08:09,749
- Yes, I have a question.
- Uh-huh.
185
00:08:09,750 --> 00:08:12,280
Is that giant brown mole on her face
186
00:08:12,290 --> 00:08:14,589
a giant brown mole on her face?
187
00:08:14,590 --> 00:08:17,319
Mom, you're being very insensitive.
188
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,659
I don't care one way or another.
189
00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:19,620
I just know your father.
190
00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:21,159
And whenever he sees a button,
191
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,429
he has to press it.
192
00:08:23,430 --> 00:08:25,529
Listen, I'm-I'm sure if the
mole is that big of a deal,
193
00:08:25,530 --> 00:08:27,229
she can have it removed.
194
00:08:27,230 --> 00:08:28,269
No, if that could've been removed,
195
00:08:28,270 --> 00:08:29,669
she would've done it already.
196
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:32,139
Yeah, that thing must be
tugging on a vital organ.
197
00:08:32,140 --> 00:08:33,739
Adam?
198
00:08:33,740 --> 00:08:36,039
Not that it matters, because say hello
199
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,679
to Dad's perfect mate, Mrs. Walker,
200
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:41,679
who also happens to be the vice
principal of Mikayla's school.
201
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:44,719
Wait, she's sitting in a wheelchair?
202
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,280
No, she is sitting proudly in a wheelchair.
203
00:08:47,290 --> 00:08:48,819
You can't see it, but the bumper sticker
204
00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:51,990
on the back says, "That's how I roll."
205
00:08:56,460 --> 00:08:58,259
Pardon the blur.
206
00:08:58,260 --> 00:09:01,770
But, uh, the lighting was bad
and she had a slight tremor.
207
00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:05,839
Anyway, she works at the Yarn Barn
208
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,909
and we could get a
friends-and-family discount.
209
00:09:07,910 --> 00:09:11,009
And I need a new sewing machine.
210
00:09:11,010 --> 00:09:13,379
Mom, she's in her 90s.
211
00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:14,379
No, no.
212
00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:16,879
Mid-80s.
213
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,549
Mid-to late mid-.
214
00:09:18,550 --> 00:09:20,380
88 tops.
215
00:09:20,390 --> 00:09:22,149
Look, sorry, Mom, you're gonna have
216
00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:24,189
to keep paying full price
for your sewing supplies,
217
00:09:24,190 --> 00:09:25,519
because we're not setting
Dad up with a woman
218
00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,220
who's probably blurry 'cause she's
219
00:09:27,230 --> 00:09:29,430
halfway between this world and the next.
220
00:09:32,860 --> 00:09:35,999
So, you think he's gonna be
that much happier with Spot?
221
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:37,469
Hey...
222
00:09:37,470 --> 00:09:40,069
Come on, I think that we
are all on the same page
223
00:09:40,070 --> 00:09:42,109
with the level of woman that Dad can get.
224
00:09:42,110 --> 00:09:44,470
And-and-and with all these terrible women,
225
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:45,909
Joy is the least terrible.
226
00:09:47,110 --> 00:09:48,409
No, come on! Look, it...
227
00:09:48,410 --> 00:09:51,149
Hey. What do we have here?
228
00:09:51,150 --> 00:09:53,549
I-I don't know. We just walked in and...
229
00:09:53,550 --> 00:09:56,350
Adam had these up.
230
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:57,319
Pervert!
231
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:58,790
What?!
232
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:02,159
Look, Dad, we know that
you wanted to start dating,
233
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:05,099
so we decided to try to help
you pick somebody, so...
234
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:07,899
Look at you guys worrying about me.
235
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,369
Well, let's see who you came up with.
236
00:10:10,370 --> 00:10:11,669
Hmm!
237
00:10:11,670 --> 00:10:13,100
Girl with the mole looks pretty.
238
00:10:13,110 --> 00:10:16,240
Bet old Ironsides here gets good parking.
239
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:22,049
Hmm, this guy looks mean.
240
00:10:22,050 --> 00:10:24,779
That's a woman, and she is mean.
241
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:26,780
Listen, I-I-I appreciate this,
242
00:10:26,790 --> 00:10:29,389
but, uh, I'm already seeing somebody.
243
00:10:29,390 --> 00:10:30,950
Wait, you're-you're seeing somebody?
244
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,119
When did you meet somebody?
245
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:33,759
Well, that day my alarm went off,
246
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,089
I went to the bookstore, she
was working the register,
247
00:10:36,090 --> 00:10:37,690
I asked her out, she said yes,
248
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:39,659
we went out, repeated that twice,
249
00:10:39,660 --> 00:10:41,399
three times, after tonight's date.
250
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:44,470
That's why I'm here...
needed to hit the ATM.
251
00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:47,100
Oh, that one's out of order.
252
00:10:47,110 --> 00:10:49,339
Yeah, the zipper's broken.
253
00:10:49,340 --> 00:10:51,270
Not dispensing cash.
254
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:53,809
Ah...
255
00:10:53,810 --> 00:10:54,809
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry.
256
00:10:54,810 --> 00:10:57,010
Which-Which bookstore?
257
00:10:57,020 --> 00:10:58,479
I've said enough.
258
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,020
I don't need you meddling in my business.
259
00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:07,990
Boop!
260
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:18,399
Hi. I'm here to pick up Ruth.
261
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,500
- I'll go let her know you're here.
- Yeah, good.
262
00:11:23,670 --> 00:11:26,539
What do you think he meant by "meddling"?
263
00:11:26,540 --> 00:11:28,540
Who cares?
264
00:11:28,550 --> 00:11:29,709
Any sign of her?
265
00:11:29,710 --> 00:11:31,210
If she's dating your father,
266
00:11:31,220 --> 00:11:33,419
she's probably in the Braille section.
267
00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:34,480
I'm just praying
268
00:11:34,490 --> 00:11:37,550
she's capable enough to keep him alive.
269
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:39,420
Hello, there.
270
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:50,170
Well, she knows CPR.
271
00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:55,700
Younger, attractive, oozing sexuality...
272
00:11:55,710 --> 00:11:58,739
I can't believe Tom divorced
me only to turn around
273
00:11:58,740 --> 00:12:00,879
and start dating the same woman.
274
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,449
I can't believe how young
she looks in this picture.
275
00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:05,249
I bet she can still have a baby.
276
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:06,549
Maybe not a healthy one,
277
00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:09,320
but better than anything
Carol can whip up these days.
278
00:12:10,450 --> 00:12:11,750
What is happening with you?
279
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,489
Are you just not scared of me anymore?
280
00:12:14,490 --> 00:12:16,689
This just doesn't make any sense.
281
00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:19,999
I mean, there's got to be a
simple explanation for this.
282
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,960
Wait, wait... maybe she just looks young
283
00:12:21,970 --> 00:12:23,999
and has had a lot of work done.
284
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,930
God, I wonder who her doctor is.
285
00:12:25,940 --> 00:12:28,569
Maybe she's just into older men.
286
00:12:28,570 --> 00:12:30,009
No, I don't buy it.
287
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:31,309
I think something's going on.
288
00:12:31,310 --> 00:12:33,509
Wait, wait...
289
00:12:33,510 --> 00:12:35,810
guys, look at this.
290
00:12:36,610 --> 00:12:37,779
Dad's taken all the money
291
00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:38,879
out of his pillow bank.
292
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,279
Oh, gosh!
293
00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:42,020
Oh, my gosh!
294
00:12:43,150 --> 00:12:47,090
Yeah, he's emptied out his
account at every branch!
295
00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:50,829
Wait a second... Dad's been coming home
296
00:12:50,830 --> 00:12:52,190
and taking cash out of the couch
297
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,799
to pay for whatever this
bookstore hussy wants.
298
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,399
Adam, you know what we got here.
299
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,099
Don't even say it.
300
00:12:58,100 --> 00:12:59,999
Classic Anna Nicole Smith story.
301
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,100
Here we go.
302
00:13:02,110 --> 00:13:04,939
Anna Nicole and Howard
Marshall were in love,
303
00:13:04,940 --> 00:13:07,809
and I don't know why you
can't just deal with that.
304
00:13:07,810 --> 00:13:11,379
What weird thing are you
weirdos talking about now?
305
00:13:11,380 --> 00:13:13,849
Yeah, remember when Anna Nicole
Smith was suing to get half
306
00:13:13,850 --> 00:13:15,149
of her rich old husband's estate?
307
00:13:15,150 --> 00:13:17,249
Adam here was on her side.
308
00:13:17,250 --> 00:13:20,259
You two need to stop
watching so much television.
309
00:13:20,260 --> 00:13:22,520
Tom is hardly a millionaire.
310
00:13:22,530 --> 00:13:25,490
Even in death, he's only worth $200,000...
311
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:27,859
before taxes paid out over three years,
312
00:13:27,860 --> 00:13:29,860
and it cannot look like suicide.
313
00:13:32,140 --> 00:13:34,739
You know what? I-I do stories
like this all the time.
314
00:13:34,740 --> 00:13:36,039
The smaller the scam the better.
315
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:37,839
You're less likely to file a complaint.
316
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,879
Ugh, I bet she's got ten old
guys just like Dad on the hook.
317
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:44,349
She probably uses hard candy as bait.
318
00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:48,519
My Miller Instinct is telling
me that something's wrong.
319
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,689
Your Miller what?
320
00:13:50,690 --> 00:13:51,989
It's my new segment.
321
00:13:51,990 --> 00:13:53,819
Come on. Do you even watch?
322
00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:55,789
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, the segment!
- Yeah, we do.
323
00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:56,689
- All the time.
- It's fantastic.
324
00:13:56,690 --> 00:13:58,059
- It's good.
- It's great.
325
00:13:58,060 --> 00:13:59,059
Look, I think we're all probably
326
00:13:59,060 --> 00:14:00,329
feeling like something's wrong,
327
00:14:00,330 --> 00:14:01,999
but we can't do anything
until we have some proof.
328
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,899
Well, I've got just the
undercover man for the job.
329
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:06,830
Oh? Who?
330
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,470
Come on! Watch my show!
331
00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:15,640
What do you say?
332
00:14:15,650 --> 00:14:18,050
Let's catch a predator.
333
00:14:33,730 --> 00:14:34,849
Can you guys hear me?
334
00:14:34,850 --> 00:14:37,249
We can hear you. We can't see anything.
335
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:38,950
Put the glasses on.
336
00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:45,459
All right, Nathan Cam is working.
337
00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:47,159
We'll see everything you see.
338
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,629
Get ready to look into a lot of mirrors.
339
00:14:49,630 --> 00:14:51,190
Hey, Nathan, she needs to think
340
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,399
that you're a vulnerable old man,
341
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,469
so-so slouch more, seem
confused and just go on and on
342
00:14:56,470 --> 00:14:58,899
about the price of
gas... basically, be Dad.
343
00:14:58,900 --> 00:15:01,169
I've been studying Dad my whole life.
344
00:15:01,170 --> 00:15:02,810
Watch this.
345
00:15:05,180 --> 00:15:07,510
Oh, no!
346
00:15:11,550 --> 00:15:13,119
Well, that was wild!
347
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,649
Are you okay?
348
00:15:14,650 --> 00:15:17,689
Yeah, I am such a klutz.
349
00:15:17,690 --> 00:15:20,689
Montgomery Sinclair, what
has gotten into you today?
350
00:15:20,690 --> 00:15:23,160
Oh, don't worry. No damage done.
351
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,299
Say, I'm-I'm-I'm looking for a book.
352
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:31,069
Uh, the title escapes me.
353
00:15:31,070 --> 00:15:33,369
My late wife used to
remember things like that,
354
00:15:33,370 --> 00:15:38,139
but she, uh, fell out of my
jet, was run over by my yacht.
355
00:15:38,140 --> 00:15:40,440
Sank from the weight of all her diamonds.
356
00:15:41,380 --> 00:15:43,280
Do you know what the book is about?
357
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:47,049
Well, uh, yeah, it was a biography.
358
00:15:47,050 --> 00:15:49,489
Say, what's the name of
that politician fellow
359
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:51,150
some people like and some people don't?
360
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,389
Can you be more specific?
361
00:15:52,390 --> 00:15:55,489
Uh, what was that movie
about the guy with one arm
362
00:15:55,490 --> 00:15:57,190
who was being chased around by everybody?
363
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,159
The Fugitive?
364
00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,359
Yeah. What was the name of that actor
365
00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:00,399
who was chasing him around?
366
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,360
Tommy Lee Jones.
367
00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:03,630
Yeah, who was his college roommate?
368
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,169
I think it was Al Gore. Well, that's it.
369
00:16:06,170 --> 00:16:07,539
I'm looking for a
biography on Bill Clinton.
370
00:16:07,540 --> 00:16:08,909
Right.
371
00:16:08,910 --> 00:16:10,039
I'll go check for you.
372
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,050
Sorry about that.
373
00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:26,759
You-You-You startled me, kid.
374
00:16:27,830 --> 00:16:29,359
Sorry, sir. You look very familiar.
375
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:31,529
Did you grow up in Lancaster County?
376
00:16:31,530 --> 00:16:32,999
Uh, no.
377
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,699
Were you in the textile business?
378
00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,199
Sorry.
379
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:37,469
Did you go to Georgetown?
380
00:16:37,470 --> 00:16:38,369
Nope.
381
00:16:38,370 --> 00:16:39,599
Neither did I.
382
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,870
I guess that must be what it is.
383
00:16:45,140 --> 00:16:46,279
He's here.
384
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,579
We know. Stay close enough so we can hear.
385
00:16:49,580 --> 00:16:51,910
Tom!
386
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:53,019
They called me today.
387
00:16:53,020 --> 00:16:55,349
- Who?
- You know who.
388
00:16:55,350 --> 00:16:57,049
I knew this day would come.
389
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:59,119
But that's what I get for dating a spy.
390
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,419
What?!
391
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:03,029
I never meant to get involved with you.
392
00:17:03,030 --> 00:17:05,229
But then I realized it was fate.
393
00:17:05,230 --> 00:17:07,059
I mean, what are the odds
394
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,699
that a super spy like me
bumps into a pretty girl
395
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:13,670
that just happened to be reading
a novel about a super spy?
396
00:17:15,070 --> 00:17:17,570
Tom's not a spy! He's a player!
397
00:17:17,580 --> 00:17:20,079
Hit it and quit it, Tommy!
398
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,679
Thank you, Tom.
399
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,410
I'll never forget the
time we were out to dinner
400
00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:26,319
and that KGB operative poisoned you,
401
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:28,819
and you had to spend the
whole night in the bathroom.
402
00:17:28,820 --> 00:17:30,849
Yes, those dirty Russians.
403
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:33,789
They got me again this morning.
404
00:17:33,790 --> 00:17:35,620
I'll never forget you.
405
00:17:35,630 --> 00:17:39,229
I needed a little excitement in my life.
406
00:17:39,230 --> 00:17:42,060
Mm, don't we all?
407
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:52,740
Poor girl, she has no idea
he's thinking about me.
408
00:17:55,050 --> 00:17:56,240
For national security reasons,
409
00:17:56,250 --> 00:17:58,349
I can't let you see which way I leave.
410
00:17:58,350 --> 00:18:00,579
So I'm gonna need you to step into the back
411
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,080
and count to a million.
412
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,599
Were you listening to me?
413
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,669
Oh, no, I was just, uh...
414
00:18:17,670 --> 00:18:18,869
No, it's okay.
415
00:18:18,870 --> 00:18:23,539
Uh, I guess you heard
all that spy stuff, huh?
416
00:18:23,540 --> 00:18:26,209
A little secret. I'm not a spy.
417
00:18:26,210 --> 00:18:28,809
Oh, you don't say.
418
00:18:28,810 --> 00:18:31,309
Well, why were you, why were you telling
419
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:33,349
that, uh, nice woman there that you are?
420
00:18:33,350 --> 00:18:34,449
You single?
421
00:18:34,450 --> 00:18:36,149
Recently, yes.
422
00:18:36,150 --> 00:18:38,450
Then you'll understand.
423
00:18:38,460 --> 00:18:40,689
I lied to get sex.
424
00:18:40,690 --> 00:18:43,320
I was afraid that was gonna be your answer.
425
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:45,490
We both got what we wanted.
426
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:48,399
She got that excitement of
being with a secret agent
427
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,960
and I got sex.
428
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:52,930
And it was good, brother.
429
00:18:54,470 --> 00:18:57,909
Okay, I wanted to peg you as a ladies' man.
430
00:18:57,910 --> 00:18:59,139
Yeah, well, I didn't know
431
00:18:59,140 --> 00:19:01,309
I was gonna be so good at it, either.
432
00:19:01,310 --> 00:19:04,209
If my family knew, it
would've blown their minds.
433
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,010
You should have seen the train wrecks
434
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:07,749
they tried to set me up with.
435
00:19:07,750 --> 00:19:09,919
My lady did die yesterday,
436
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:12,689
so I can't argue.
437
00:19:12,690 --> 00:19:14,219
Well, I'm sure
438
00:19:14,220 --> 00:19:16,620
they were just doing their best.
439
00:19:16,630 --> 00:19:18,990
Yeah, it's better that
they don't know, anyway.
440
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,399
I kind of like leading a double life.
441
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:25,369
Hey, in a way, I guess I am like a spy.
442
00:19:25,370 --> 00:19:27,199
Yeah, I guess.
443
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:30,069
But would it be so bad
if you just told 'em?
444
00:19:30,070 --> 00:19:31,339
Why-Why do you feel
445
00:19:31,340 --> 00:19:33,709
like you need to keep
that side of you hidden?
446
00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:36,079
I don't know. I guess I'm afraid
447
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,609
that if they see me doing okay on my own,
448
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:40,210
they might stop worrying about me and...
449
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:43,019
it's nice to know that no matter what,
450
00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:44,220
someone cares.
451
00:19:45,050 --> 00:19:47,620
I'm sure they do, kid.
452
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,689
Aw...
453
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,629
Little tip for you.
454
00:19:52,630 --> 00:19:55,929
Watch Animal Planet's Mating Mammals.
455
00:19:55,930 --> 00:19:58,899
Every sex move you'll
ever need is in that show.
456
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:00,999
The style we learned from dogs?
457
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,469
Just the beginning.
458
00:20:02,470 --> 00:20:04,939
Ew! Ugh.
459
00:20:06,210 --> 00:20:07,309
- Take care.
- Yeah.
460
00:20:08,410 --> 00:20:12,079
You know, now I know why
you look so familiar.
461
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,379
You remind me of my son.
462
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:16,549
Oh, I'm sure he'll age
a lot better than this.
463
00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:18,289
He sounds handsome.
464
00:20:18,290 --> 00:20:20,489
42 years ago,
465
00:20:20,490 --> 00:20:23,859
you didn't sleep with a
woman named Carol, did you?
466
00:20:23,860 --> 00:20:27,360
I promise you I did not.
467
00:20:28,830 --> 00:20:32,430
Well, if you ever get the chance, don't.
468
00:20:34,970 --> 00:20:37,600
I guess Dad's gonna be okay.
469
00:20:39,110 --> 00:20:40,609
Oh, The History of NASA, huh?
470
00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:44,479
You know, it's impossible to kiss in space?
471
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,180
I should know, I was an astronaut.
472
00:20:51,690 --> 00:20:55,589
Looks like my Miller Instinct
was a little off this time.
473
00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:56,689
Your Miller what?
474
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,551
Oh, come on, man, you're my cameraman!
475
00:20:58,552 --> 00:21:08,550
?Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17?
?www.addic7ed.com?
476
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:13,150
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34366
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.