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1
00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:02,800
Watch this, it's really cool.
2
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:04,800
Call Leonard Hoffstadder.
3
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:08,500
Did you say:
"Call Hellen Boxlightner?
4
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,800
Call Leonard Hoffstadder.
5
00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:18,500
Did you say:
"Call Temple Badsaidor?"
6
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,200
Let me try!
7
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:24,500
Call...
8
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,300
Calling "Rajesh Koothrappali."
9
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,800
That's very impressive.
10
00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:41,300
And a little racist.
11
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:45,000
If we're all through playing
"mock the flawed technology,"
12
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,500
can we get on with Halo night?
13
00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:48,900
We were supposed to start at
8:00. It is now 8:06.
14
00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:50,800
So we'll start now.
15
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:53,400
First we have to decide
if those lost six minutes will be coming
16
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,800
out of game time, bathroom time
or the pizza break.
17
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,700
We could split it
two, two and two.
18
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,300
If we're having anchovies on the pizza,
we can't take it out of bathroom time.
19
00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,900
Oh, what fresh hell is this?
20
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,400
- Hey, Penny. Come on in.
- Hey, guys.
21
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:08,900
See a Penny, pick her up,
22
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,400
and all the day
you'll have good luck.
23
00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:15,400
No, you won't.
24
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,800
Can I hide out here for a while?
25
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:19,300
Sure. What's going on?
26
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:22,100
There's this girl I know
from back in Nebraska, Christy.
27
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,600
She called me up,
and she's like, "Hey, how's California?"
28
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And I'm like, "Awesome,"
'cause, you know, it's not Nebraska.
29
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And the next thing I know
30
00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:30,700
she's invited herself
out here to stay with me.
31
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8:08.
32
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:37,100
Anyway, she got here today
and she's just been in my apartment
33
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yakity yakking about every guy
she slept with in Omaha,
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00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,200
which is basically
every guy in Omaha,
35
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:42,900
and washing the sluttiest
36
00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:45,900
collection of underwear
you have ever seen in my bathroom sink.
37
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,700
Is she doing it one thong at a time,
or does she throw it all in...
38
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,000
...like some sort
of erotic bouillabaisse?
39
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,300
- He really needs to dial it down.
- I know.
40
00:01:58,100 --> 00:02:00,800
So if you don't like this Christy,
why are you letting her stay?
41
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:02,400
She was engaged to my cousin
42
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:05,300
while she was sleeping with my brother,
so she's kind of family.
43
00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:09,100
I apologize for my
earlier outburst.
44
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,000
Who needs Halo,
when we can be regaled
45
00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:13,800
with the delightfully folksy
tale of the Whore of Omaha?
46
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,400
I don't think she's a whore.
47
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:19,400
No, yeah, she's definitely a whore.
48
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,000
I mean, she has
absolutely no standards.
49
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,900
This one time she was at...
50
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:25,700
Where's Howard?
51
00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:28,700
Bonjour, mademoiselle.
I understand you're new in town.
52
00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:31,700
Oh, good grief.
53
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,400
Season 1 Episode 7:
The Dumpling Paradox
1
00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:04,000
I cannot believe Christy
let Howard into my apartment.
2
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,300
And I cannot believe people
pay for horoscopes,
3
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:08,800
but on a more serious note,
4
00:03:08,900 --> 00:03:10,800
it's 8:13 and we're
still not playing Halo.
5
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,100
Fine. We'll just play one-on-one
until he gets back.
6
00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:19,300
One-on-one? We don't play one-on-one.
We play teams, not one-on-one.
7
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,600
One-on-one.
8
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:25,600
The only way we can play teams
at this point is if we cut Raj in half.
9
00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:27,500
Sure, cut the foreigner in half.
10
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:30,000
There's a billion more
where he came from.
11
00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:32,300
If you guys need a fourth, I'll play.
12
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,300
- Great idea.
- No.
13
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,900
The wheel was a great idea,
14
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:40,500
relativity was a great idea.
15
00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:43,100
This is a notion,
and a rather sucky one at that.
16
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,100
Why?
17
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:46,000
Why?
18
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:47,600
Oh, Penny, Penny, Penny.
19
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,100
What, what, what?
20
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,900
This is a complex battle simulation
with a steep learning curve.
21
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,500
There are myriad weapons,
vehicles and strategies
22
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,500
to master, not to mention
an extremely intricate backstory.
23
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,200
Oh cool.
Whose head did I just blow off?
24
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,200
Mine.
25
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,900
Okay, I got this.
Lock and load, boys.
26
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,000
It's the only way we can play teams.
27
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Yes, but whoever's her
partner will be hamstrung
28
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,700
by her lack of experience,
and not to mention the fact...
29
00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:17,700
There goes your head again.
30
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:22,300
It's not good sportsmanship
to shoot somebody who's just re-spawned.
31
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,700
You need to to give them a chance to...
Now, come on!
32
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,400
Raj, Raj!
She's got me cornered. Cover me!
33
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:29,100
Cover this, suckers!
34
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,400
- Penny, you are on fire!
- Yes, and so is Sheldon.
35
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,200
Okay, that's it.
I don't know how, but she is cheating.
36
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:42,700
No one can be that attractive
and this skilled at a video game.
37
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:45,200
Wait, Sheldon, come back.
You forgot something.
38
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:46,600
What?
39
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:48,400
This plasma grenade.
40
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,900
Look, it's raining you.
41
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:57,700
You laugh now-- you just wait
until you need tech support.
42
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,000
Gosh, he's kind of
a sore loser, isn't he?
43
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,700
To be fair, he's also
a rather unpleasant winner.
44
00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:07,500
Well, it's been fun.
45
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,500
We make such a good team.
46
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,400
Maybe we could enter a couple
of Halo tournaments sometime.
47
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:15,100
Or we could just have a life.
48
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,800
I guess for you that's an option.
49
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:20,900
- Good night.
- Good night.
50
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,600
As usual, nice talking to you, Raj.
51
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,500
What do you suppose
she meant by that?
52
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,200
She's an enigma, Raj.
53
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,800
And another thing-- there's
a certain ethic to the game, Penny,
54
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,800
- a well- established...
- She's gone.
55
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,600
She could have said good-bye.
56
00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:40,900
Okay, I have a problem.
57
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,300
It's called carpal tunnel syndrome,
and quite frankly you deserve it.
58
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:47,500
What's wrong?
59
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,500
Howard and Christy are...
60
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,100
kind of hooking up
in my bedroom.
61
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:55,300
Are you sure?
62
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,800
I grew up on a farm, okay?
63
00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:58,700
From what I heard,
they're either having sex
64
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,700
or Howard's caught
in a milking machine.
65
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,200
Do you mind if I stay here tonight?
66
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:07,800
No, take the couch, or my bed.
67
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,400
I just got new pillows.
Hypo-allergenic.
68
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:12,800
The couch is good.
69
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:15,200
Hold that thought.
Leonard, a moment.
70
00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,300
Let me guess.
You have a problem with this.
71
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,000
- Where do I begin?
- It's up to you. Crazy person's choice.
72
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,800
First, we don't have houseguests.
73
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,800
Frankly, if I could afford
the rent, I'd ask you to leave.
74
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,400
Your friendship means
a lot to me as well. What else?
75
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:35,900
Well...
76
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,900
our earthquake supplies.
We have a two-man, two-day kit.
77
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,000
So?
78
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,400
So if there's an earthquake
and the three of us are trapped here,
79
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,200
we could be out of food
by tomorrow afternoon.
80
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,400
I'm sorry, are you suggesting
that if we let Penny stay
81
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,400
we might succumb to cannibalism?
82
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,300
No one ever thinks it'll
happen until it does.
83
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:58,600
If you promise not to
chew the flesh off our bones
84
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,600
while we sleep, you can stay.
85
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,000
- What?
- He's engaging in reductio ad absurdum.
86
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:08,900
It's the logical fallacy
of extending someone's argument
87
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,200
to ridiculous proportions
and then criticizing the result.
88
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,100
And I do not appreciate it.
89
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,600
I'll get you a blanket and a pillow.
90
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,700
Okay, since I'm obviously
being ignored here,
91
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,000
let's go over the morning schedule.
92
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:24,100
I use the bathroom
from 7:00 to 7:20.
93
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:26,700
Plan your ablutions and bodily
functions accordingly.
94
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:30,500
How am I supposed to plan
my bodily functions?
95
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,000
I suggest no liquids after 11:00 p.m.
96
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,300
- Here you go.
- Thanks, Leonard.
97
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,200
Wrong.
98
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:43,800
I'm listening.
99
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:45,800
Your head goes on the other end.
100
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,800
- Why?
- It's culturally universal. A bed,
101
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,200
even a temporary bed,
102
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,000
is always oriented with the headboard
away from the door.
103
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:57,300
It serves the ancient imperative
of protecting oneself against marauders.
104
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,000
I'll risk it.
105
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:04,400
Anything else should I know?
106
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,300
Yes, if you use my toothbrush,
107
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,100
I'll jump out that window.
108
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,600
Please don't come to my funeral.
Have a good night.
109
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,400
Sorry about that.
110
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,300
- That's okay.
- FYI--
111
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:22,000
his toothbrush is the red one in
the Plexiglas case under the UV light.
112
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:23,600
Got it.
113
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,500
- Sleep tight.
- Thanks
114
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:32,400
Funny expression,
"sleep tight."
115
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,100
It refers to the early
construction of beds
116
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,600
which featured a mattress
suspended on interlocking ropes,
117
00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:41,300
which would occasionally...
118
00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:42,700
Sleep tight.
119
00:09:58,400 --> 00:09:59,600
What are you doing?
120
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,100
Every Saturday
since we've lived in this apartment
121
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:07,700
I have awakened at 6:15,
poured myself a bowl of cereal,
122
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,600
added a quarter cup
of two percent milk,
123
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,500
sat on this end of this couch,
turned on BBC America,
124
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,200
and watched Doctor Who.
125
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,800
Penny's still sleeping.
126
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,000
Every Saturday
since we've lived in this apartment
127
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,400
I have awakened at 6:15,
poured myself a bowl
128
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,900
I know.
You have a TV in your room.
129
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,000
Why don't you just have
breakfast in bed?
130
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,700
Because I am neither an invalid,
nor a woman celebrating Mother's Day.
131
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,000
What time is it?
132
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,700
Almost 6:30.
133
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,400
I slept all day?
134
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,400
No, it's 6:30 in the morning.
135
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,300
What the hell is your problem?
136
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,300
Okay, this cereal has lost
all its molecular integrity.
137
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,300
I now have a bowl
of shredded wheat paste.
138
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,800
Hola, nerd-migos.
139
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,500
Why do you people hate sleep?
140
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,200
Are you wearing my robe?
141
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,000
Yeah.
Sorry, I'll have it cleaned.
142
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,700
That's okay, keep it.
143
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:10,500
- Where's Christy?
- In the shower.
144
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:13,000
By the way, where did you
get that loofah mitt?
145
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,800
Yours reaches places
that mine just won't.
146
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,800
You used my loofah?
147
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,900
More precisely,
weused your loofah.
148
00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,200
I exfoliated her brains out.
149
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:31,500
You can keep that, too.
150
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:36,300
Then we'll probably need to talk
about your stuffed bear collection.
151
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:40,100
In here, milady!
152
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:44,700
Here's my little engine that could.
153
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,300
There's one beloved
children's book I'll never read again.
154
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,800
Hi. Christy.
155
00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:57,500
- I'm Sheldon.
- Right.
156
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,100
You're Howard's entourage.
157
00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:03,500
So, Christy, what are your plans?
158
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:07,000
Howard said he'd take
me shopping in Beverly Hills.
159
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,200
Yeah, no, I meant plans to find
someplace to live.
160
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,400
Other than with me.
Not that I don't love having you,
161
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,100
but it's...
It's a little crowded.
162
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,200
Penny, you're always
welcome to stay with us.
163
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:19,100
Oh, terrific.
Now we're running a cute little B & B.
164
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,500
Let me offer a little
outside-the-box thinking here.
165
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,200
Why doesn't Christy stay with me?
166
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,500
- You live with your mother.
- I do not.
167
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:28,200
My mother lives with me.
168
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:31,700
Then it's all settled.
Christy will stay with Howard,
169
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,400
Penny can go back to her apartment,
170
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,600
and I'll watch the last 24 minutes
of Doctor Who.
171
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,900
Although at this point,
it's more like Doctor Why Bother?
172
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:43,600
- Sheldon, you just can't dictate...
- No more talking! Everybody go!
173
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:48,400
So what do you say?
Want to repair to Casa Wolowitz?
174
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,800
What is that, like a Mexican deli?
175
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,300
I'm sorry,
I should have mentioned this earlier.
176
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,000
My last name is Wolowitz.
177
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,000
That's so cool.
178
00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,500
My first Jew.
179
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,800
I imagine there aren't very many
Kosher Cornhuskers.
180
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:10,900
But you're still taking me shopping?
181
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:12,100
Anything you want.
182
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:14,200
Okay, I'll go pack my stuff.
183
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:20,600
When they perfect human cloning,
I'm going to order 12 of those.
184
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:24,600
Can't you see she's using you?
185
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,900
Who cares? Last night,
she pulled off her blouse and I wept.
186
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,100
I know her. Okay?
She'll have sex with anyone,
187
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,300
as long as
they keep buying her things.
188
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,300
- Really?
- Yeah.
189
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:43,600
If you'll excuse me,
I have some Bar Mitzvah bonds to cash.
1
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:53,300
I'm sorry, we cannot do this
without Wolowitz.
2
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,500
We can't order Chinese
food without Wolowitz?
3
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:59,500
Let me walk you through it.
Our standard order is:
4
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:02,100
the steamed dumpling appetizer,
General Tso's chicken,
5
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,000
beef with broccoli,
shrimp with lobster sauce
6
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,700
and vegetable lo mein.
7
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:07,500
Do you see the problem?
8
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,700
I see a problem.
9
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,900
Our entire order is predicated
on four dumplings and four entrees
10
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:16,600
divided amongst
four people.
11
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,200
- So, we'll just order three entrees.
- Fine.
12
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,900
What do you want to eliminate?
And who gets the extra dumpling?
13
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,600
We could cut it into thirds.
14
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,000
Then it's no longer a dumpling.
Once you cut it open it is,
15
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,000
at best, a very small open-faced
sandwich.
16
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,000
Hi, fellas.
17
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,000
Where's your annoying little friend
who thinks he speaks Mandarin?
18
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:41,200
He's putting his needs ahead of
the collective good.
19
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,600
Where he comes from,
that's punishable by death.
20
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,200
I come from Sacramento.
21
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,400
Can we get an order of dumplings
but with three instead of four?
22
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,600
No substitutions.
23
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:57,700
This isn't a substitution.
It's a reduction.
24
00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,600
Okay.
No reductions.
25
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,700
Fine. Bring us three orders
of dumplings.
26
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,100
- That's 12. We'll each have four.
- That works.
27
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:08,800
If we fill up on dumplings,
we need to eliminate another entree.
28
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,200
No eliminations.
29
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,200
If we have extra,
we'll just take the leftovers home.
30
00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:17,800
And divide it how? I'm telling you,
we cannot do this without Wolowitz.
31
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,600
Wolowitz is with his new girlfriend.
32
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,200
If you had let me invite Penny,
then you would have had your fourth.
33
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,000
Have you seen Penny
eat Chinese food?
34
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,500
She uses a fork and she
double-dips her egg rolls.
35
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,000
- We don't order egg rolls.
- Exactly,
36
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,600
but we'd have to if she was here!
37
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,200
Can we please
make a decision?
38
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,200
Not only are there children
starving in India,
39
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,000
there's an Indian starving right here.
40
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:41,100
There's an idea. Why don't we
just go out for Indian food?
41
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,000
You're nice boys.
42
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:45,700
Tell you what I'm going to do.
43
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,700
I'm going to bring you
the four dumplings.
44
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:50,700
When I'm walking over to the
table, maybe I get bumped,
45
00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:53,700
one of the dumplings fall to the floor.
No one has to know.
46
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,600
I'll know.
47
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,100
- How about soup?
- Yeah, we can always divide soup.
48
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:06,800
What about the wontons?
49
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:14,800
Hey, guys, what's up?
50
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,300
It's Halo night.
51
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,000
So?
52
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:26,100
With Wolowitz spending all of his time
with your friend Christy...
53
00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:29,900
She's not my friend. Friends do not get
their friends' Care Bears all sweaty.
54
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,800
Right. Anyway, uh, with Wolowitz
occupied elsewhere,
55
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,800
we had something
we wanted to ask you.
56
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:39,600
Yes.
57
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,600
We would very much appreciate it
58
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:48,100
if you would be the fourth
member of our Halo team.
59
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:52,700
I don't think I need to tell
you what an honor this is.
60
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:58,300
That's so sweet, but I'm going out
dancing with a girlfriend.
61
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,800
You can't go out;
it's Halo night.
62
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:05,100
- Well, for Penny, it's dancing night.
- You go dancing every Wednesday?
63
00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:07,400
- No.
- Then that's not "dancing night."
64
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,000
Why don't I play
with you guys tomorrow?
65
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:14,200
Tonight is Halo night.
It's like talking to a wall.
66
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:18,100
All right, now, Sheldon,
you and I are about to have a problem.
67
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:23,100
Sheldon, remember,
we role-played this.
68
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:25,800
Yes, but you didn't portray her
as completely irrational.
69
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,700
All right, fellas,
I gotta go.
70
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:29,900
But good luck.
71
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,900
Maybe we should've asked if we could go
dancing with her and her girlfriend.
72
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,200
Assuming we could dance--
which we can't--
73
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,500
there are three of us
and two of them.
74
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:42,500
So?
75
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:45,200
It's the Chinese restaurant
all over again.
76
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,100
I assure you that
cutting a dumpling in thirds
77
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,100
is child's play compared with three men
78
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,500
each attempting to dance
with 67% of a woman.
79
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:58,000
For God's sakes, Sheldon,
you're driving me crazy!
80
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,600
Your anger is not with me, sir,
but with basic mathematics.
81
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,400
I'm pretty sure my anger is with you.
82
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:05,200
What's happening to us?
We're falling apart.
83
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,400
- Who are you calling?
- The only man who can restore
84
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,900
any semblance of
balance to our universe.
85
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,000
Hi, this is Howard Wolowitz.
86
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,700
And this is Christy Vanderbelt.
87
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:19,100
We can't get to the phone
right now because we're having sex!
88
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,800
You're not going to put that
on your message, are you?
89
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,500
Nah, I'm just kidding.
I'll re-record it.
90
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,900
Sheldon, think this through.
You're going to ask Howard to choose
91
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,200
between sex and Halo.
92
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:38,000
No, I'm going to ask him to choose
between sex and Halo Three.
93
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,600
As far as I know, sex
has not been upgraded
94
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,800
to include Hi-Def graphics
and enhanced weapon systems.
95
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:47,700
You're right, all sex has is nudity,
orgasms and human contact.
96
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,400
My point.
97
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,400
You can take the damn plastic
off the couch once in a while!
98
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,600
Why, so you and Howard
can hump on it?!
99
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:00,700
Ladies, ladies,
I'm sure there's a middle ground.
100
00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:02,200
Shut up, Howard!
101
00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:06,600
You guys talk. I'm gonna take
my scooter out for a little spin.
102
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,100
You happy? You drove
your own son out of the house.
103
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:10,700
Why don't you stop...
104
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,200
What are you doing here?
105
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:13,800
It's Halo night.
106
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:15,900
He's not a man, he's a putz!
107
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,500
And don't you take that tone with me,
you gold digger!
108
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,300
- What'd you call me?
- You heard me!
109
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,500
And I'll tell you something else,
you're barking up the wrong tree.
110
00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:26,700
'Cause as long as you're around,
Howard is out of the will!
111
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,200
You know what?
I got better offers. I'm outta here.
112
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,300
That's right.
Go back to Babylon, you whore!
113
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:38,700
So, Halo night, huh?
114
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:43,400
I thought she was the whore of Omaha.
115
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:52,700
Sheldon, you got him in your sights!
Fire! He's charging his plasma rifle!
116
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:54,600
I can't shoot now. I'm cloaking!
117
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:56,900
- Raj! Kill Sheldon!
- I can't see him!
118
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,400
That's why they call it
cloaking, dead man!
119
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:02,300
- Start throwing grenades!
- I'm all out!
120
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:05,400
Hey, guys.
My friends and I got tired of dancing,
121
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,700
so we came over to
have sex with you.
122
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,600
Raj, hop in the tank!
123
00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:12,300
- We said no tanks!
- There are no rules in hell!
124
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,900
Son of a bitch. Med pack!
I need a med pack!
125
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:18,800
Told ya.
126
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:21,700
There's a sniper.
Use your rocket launcher!
127
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:24,300
All I've got is a Needler
and I'm all out of ammo!
128
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,300
And now you're out of life.
129
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:29,700
Why'd you hit pause?
130
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,400
I thought I heard... something.
131
00:20:32,700 --> 00:20:33,700
What?
132
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,400
No, never mind.
Sorry. Go.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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