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1
00:00:03,900 --> 00:00:05,870
Hey. What's for breakfast?
2
00:00:06,044 --> 00:00:10,113
Just liquids for me, and not the fun
kind that come in a beer bottle.
3
00:00:10,182 --> 00:00:13,116
Ooh, you're doing a cleanse.
4
00:00:13,218 --> 00:00:14,351
That's so much work.
5
00:00:14,419 --> 00:00:16,086
You know, I heard that
Rihanna just gets new blood.
6
00:00:16,188 --> 00:00:17,454
Much easier.
7
00:00:17,556 --> 00:00:20,924
Actually, it's prep for a colonoscopy.
8
00:00:20,993 --> 00:00:23,460
Less of a cleanse, more of a purge.
9
00:00:24,663 --> 00:00:26,763
Yep, I got to get my pipes cleaned out
10
00:00:26,832 --> 00:00:31,468
so my doctor can take a high-definition
video of my fire escape.
11
00:00:31,603 --> 00:00:32,769
You know what?
12
00:00:32,871 --> 00:00:37,140
You've been so disgusting for so long,
it's actually stopped bothering me.
13
00:00:37,921 --> 00:00:40,082
I thought you were playing
poker with the guys tonight.
14
00:00:40,112 --> 00:00:42,546
I am. We're gonna do this prep together.
15
00:00:42,648 --> 00:00:45,482
You know what they say...
dysentery loves company.
16
00:00:46,852 --> 00:00:50,954
We got this on a funny video with Martin
Short, Tom Hanks, and Steve Martin.
17
00:00:51,023 --> 00:00:52,822
I've never heard of them.
18
00:00:54,030 --> 00:00:56,231
- Hey, guys. Good morning.
- Good morning. Good morning.
19
00:00:56,261 --> 00:00:57,194
What's up?
20
00:00:57,262 --> 00:01:00,931
Well, Ryan and Boyd are off to Canada
to see the Hockey Hall of Fame.
21
00:01:01,033 --> 00:01:01,998
Wow. Pfft.
22
00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:05,101
In France, they think
the Louvre is a museum.
23
00:01:05,170 --> 00:01:07,737
The vegan's gone, and I want some meat.
24
00:01:07,839 --> 00:01:09,439
Why isn't there any bacon?
25
00:01:09,474 --> 00:01:11,741
Dad's not eating. He's draining his swamp.
26
00:01:11,843 --> 00:01:13,410
(Laughs)
27
00:01:13,512 --> 00:01:14,778
Colonoscopy tomorrow.
28
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:18,114
Oh, good thing you love
having your picture taken.
29
00:01:18,217 --> 00:01:19,416
(Chuckles)
30
00:01:19,484 --> 00:01:21,685
Yeah, you know what? I'll
put it on my driver's license.
31
00:01:21,753 --> 00:01:24,688
People are gonna say,
"Have you lost weight?"
32
00:01:24,756 --> 00:01:25,689
Hey, you know what?
33
00:01:25,757 --> 00:01:27,691
Since the guys aren't gonna be here,
we should have a slumber party
34
00:01:27,793 --> 00:01:28,992
like we used to do when we were kids.
35
00:01:29,061 --> 00:01:30,360
Oh, those were so much fun.
36
00:01:30,462 --> 00:01:34,464
Up all night, talking about what boys
like me, what boys probably like me.
37
00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:36,900
- Oh, hey, Kris.
- Hey, morning.
38
00:01:36,969 --> 00:01:38,168
Morning, sweetie. Mom, Kris and Eve and I
39
00:01:38,203 --> 00:01:39,469
are gonna have a slumber
party here tonight.
40
00:01:39,571 --> 00:01:41,838
That okay with you? I would love to.
41
00:01:41,907 --> 00:01:43,940
What?
42
00:01:44,076 --> 00:01:45,775
Hey, that sounds like fun...
43
00:01:45,877 --> 00:01:48,144
a slumber party with your mom.
44
00:01:48,247 --> 00:01:50,046
You know what?
45
00:01:50,115 --> 00:01:51,481
We... We could do
arts and crafts.
46
00:01:51,583 --> 00:01:53,416
(Gasps) I have tons of felt.
47
00:01:53,452 --> 00:01:54,651
Oh, wow.
48
00:01:54,753 --> 00:01:56,219
Bye, honey. Bye.
49
00:01:56,321 --> 00:01:58,121
You know what?
50
00:01:58,223 --> 00:02:00,490
I think your party's
gonna be worse than mine.
51
00:02:02,494 --> 00:02:05,528
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
52
00:02:09,334 --> 00:02:11,101
I'm all set for tonight, man.
53
00:02:11,169 --> 00:02:15,572
Got my poker set and 62
ounces of liquid plumber.
54
00:02:15,674 --> 00:02:16,706
(Chuckles)
55
00:02:16,808 --> 00:02:18,108
Scared?
56
00:02:18,210 --> 00:02:20,243
I'm a Marine.
57
00:02:20,345 --> 00:02:21,478
Yes.
58
00:02:22,848 --> 00:02:26,583
Well, you should be. It's
like a tsunami in a bottle.
59
00:02:29,054 --> 00:02:30,887
What? Hey, Mr. B., this came for you.
60
00:02:30,989 --> 00:02:32,722
I had to sign for it and everything.
61
00:02:32,824 --> 00:02:35,392
It's a big-boy day for you, huh, Kyle?
62
00:02:35,494 --> 00:02:38,595
The Explorers Museum. Oh, that's great.
63
00:02:38,697 --> 00:02:41,431
Yes, it is. Yes, it is!
64
00:02:41,533 --> 00:02:44,734
Finally, they want me
to submit an artifact.
65
00:02:44,870 --> 00:02:48,004
Oh, and your name will be immortalized
with all those famous explorers,
66
00:02:48,140 --> 00:02:50,173
like that guy who found
that thing on the mountain
67
00:02:50,275 --> 00:02:52,609
or that lady who pulled that
doohickey from the river.
68
00:02:54,446 --> 00:02:56,746
Their names live on and on, don't they?
69
00:02:56,848 --> 00:02:58,782
Hey, what are you gonna submit?
70
00:02:58,917 --> 00:03:01,217
This 1,000-year-old
spearhead.
71
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,020
I found it in a Honduran rainforest.
72
00:03:04,122 --> 00:03:06,256
Came from a lost civilization.
73
00:03:06,358 --> 00:03:09,125
Wow. I can't believe they let
you take that out of the country.
74
00:03:09,227 --> 00:03:11,728
Well, the Hondurans are
a very trusting people.
75
00:03:11,830 --> 00:03:13,229
They trust it when you
tell them at Customs,
76
00:03:13,332 --> 00:03:14,998
"Yeah, I got that at a gift shop."
77
00:03:16,902 --> 00:03:18,501
Wait a minute. There's Ed.
78
00:03:18,603 --> 00:03:19,969
I got to show him this.
79
00:03:20,072 --> 00:03:21,504
Oh, he's gonna be really happy for you.
80
00:03:21,606 --> 00:03:24,074
No, he's wanted this
forever. It's gonna kill him.
81
00:03:24,176 --> 00:03:26,810
I love that you two like to
make each other miserable.
82
00:03:26,878 --> 00:03:28,078
It's called friendship, Kyle.
83
00:03:29,348 --> 00:03:30,613
Hey, Ed, I got some big news.
84
00:03:30,716 --> 00:03:32,582
Want to read you something here.
85
00:03:32,684 --> 00:03:33,683
Not today, Mike.
86
00:03:33,785 --> 00:03:35,618
I'm just... I'm not
in the mood. I'm sorry.
87
00:03:35,721 --> 00:03:37,082
I'll just read you
a little... I...
88
00:03:37,155 --> 00:03:41,591
This is the day that the Explorers
Museum sends out their invitations.
89
00:03:41,693 --> 00:03:43,426
And I did not get an envelope.
90
00:03:43,528 --> 00:03:45,462
And I bet you think
there's not a bit of news
91
00:03:45,564 --> 00:03:46,964
that could make you feel any worse.
92
00:03:47,065 --> 00:03:49,032
You're right. There isn't. No.
93
00:03:49,134 --> 00:03:50,700
It's never gonna happen for me.
94
00:03:50,769 --> 00:03:53,203
Well, you didn't have to say it like that.
95
00:03:53,305 --> 00:03:54,871
No. No, who am I kidding?
96
00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:57,040
Come on. I'm not a real outdoorsman.
97
00:03:57,142 --> 00:04:00,210
I'm a rich wannabe who sells
equipment to the real ones.
98
00:04:00,312 --> 00:04:01,511
Yeah. (Chuckles)
99
00:04:01,613 --> 00:04:03,480
Hey, Mr. Alzate, what's worse ...?
100
00:04:03,582 --> 00:04:08,086
Mr. B. getting in the Explorers
Museum or his zingers?
101
00:04:08,887 --> 00:04:12,689
- You got invited?
- Yeah, that was the news. Sorry.
102
00:04:12,757 --> 00:04:14,382
But you know what's gonna happen?
103
00:04:14,413 --> 00:04:16,992
You're gonna get in because
you're a great great man.
104
00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:18,333
Oh! Direct hit.
105
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,801
I'm very happy for you Mike. Yes I am.
106
00:04:21,832 --> 00:04:27,202
There's nothing better than seeing a friend receive
an honor that you voided your entire adult life.
107
00:04:30,740 --> 00:04:34,009
Man, the zingers between you two
are getting more and more subtle.
108
00:04:37,876 --> 00:04:39,916
I can't believe Mom
is crashing our sleepover.
109
00:04:39,984 --> 00:04:43,855
Yeah, didn't she also crash
our mother's day brunch.
110
00:04:44,023 --> 00:04:46,894
Hey Eve. Hey. Excited for tonight?
111
00:04:46,962 --> 00:04:51,000
Yeah I've got some crazy stories
to tell you about Rob.And a few questions.
112
00:04:51,201 --> 00:04:54,001
- Mom is joining us.
- Oh, I'll see you.
113
00:04:55,202 --> 00:04:57,402
Okay now I'm trapped.
114
00:04:57,803 --> 00:05:03,273
There she is, what every great
party needs... a chaperone.
115
00:05:03,375 --> 00:05:10,079
Uh, well, would a chaperone bring a...
Bedazzler?
116
00:05:10,682 --> 00:05:13,249
Be-definitely.
117
00:05:13,285 --> 00:05:15,218
Okay. So, uh... so
that's just my thing.
118
00:05:15,253 --> 00:05:17,053
Um, wait, wait, wait, wait.
119
00:05:17,155 --> 00:05:20,924
How about (Gasps) tiramisu?
120
00:05:20,992 --> 00:05:24,527
Oh, hello. I have tira-missed you.
121
00:05:24,629 --> 00:05:27,630
(Laughs) Good one, good one!
122
00:05:27,732 --> 00:05:33,002
Uh, and is nobody interested in
watching Ryan Gosling build a house...
123
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:34,838
shirtless?! That's how
all houses should be built.
124
00:05:34,940 --> 00:05:36,105
Hmm.
125
00:05:36,208 --> 00:05:39,642
And which one of you likes wine?
126
00:05:39,744 --> 00:05:42,879
Because I am drawing a complete... blanc.
127
00:05:44,616 --> 00:05:48,985
Wine, dessert, Gosling?
Well-played, Mother.
128
00:05:49,087 --> 00:05:50,687
Welcome to the slumber party.
129
00:05:50,755 --> 00:05:52,188
(Chuckles) Thank you, thank you.
130
00:05:52,290 --> 00:05:56,059
So, let's, uh, turn some
Clorox bottles into piggy banks.
131
00:05:58,096 --> 00:05:59,929
I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
132
00:06:00,031 --> 00:06:03,032
But, uh... But... But
I have been saving them.
133
00:06:04,936 --> 00:06:08,238
134
00:06:08,340 --> 00:06:11,174
Hey, Mr. B., I... I
still feel really bad
135
00:06:11,276 --> 00:06:13,977
about spilling the beans to Mr. Alzate.
136
00:06:14,079 --> 00:06:17,213
You got to stop apologizing for this.
137
00:06:17,315 --> 00:06:20,750
Although that "I'm sorry"
Jell-O was kind of fun.
138
00:06:20,785 --> 00:06:23,953
Well, I went with lime 'cause
it's the most apologetic flavor
139
00:06:24,055 --> 00:06:28,224
and strawberries for grieving and
oranges, obviously, for graduations.
140
00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:32,629
Well, no matter what color they
are, they all come from cows' feet.
141
00:06:33,565 --> 00:06:34,964
Hey, is, uh, Mr. Alzate okay?
142
00:06:35,066 --> 00:06:36,332
He's gonna be fine.
143
00:06:36,434 --> 00:06:38,768
I felt really bad for him,
so I called the museum,
144
00:06:38,870 --> 00:06:40,637
and they're gonna change the award
145
00:06:40,672 --> 00:06:43,139
to include all of Outdoor
Man so he'll feel part of it.
146
00:06:43,208 --> 00:06:44,707
Does that mean I'm included, too?
147
00:06:44,809 --> 00:06:45,942
I'm a part of Outdoor Man.
148
00:06:45,977 --> 00:06:48,645
Oh, yeah, Kyle, and a very valuable part.
149
00:06:48,747 --> 00:06:51,514
Pick that up, will you?
150
00:06:51,616 --> 00:06:54,851
Hey, Mikey, I just got a call
from the Explorers Museum.
151
00:06:54,953 --> 00:06:55,885
Yeah?
152
00:06:55,954 --> 00:06:56,954
Turns out you were wrong.
153
00:06:56,955 --> 00:06:58,021
Well, that doesn't sound like me.
154
00:06:58,123 --> 00:06:59,289
It sure doesn't.
155
00:06:59,391 --> 00:07:01,257
Don't need any help.
156
00:07:01,293 --> 00:07:03,426
Looks like the invitation
wasn't just for you.
157
00:07:03,528 --> 00:07:05,361
It was for Outdoor Man.
158
00:07:05,430 --> 00:07:07,697
I'm shocked, and Kyle's stunned silent.
159
00:07:07,799 --> 00:07:08,932
Yeah.
160
00:07:09,034 --> 00:07:10,500
You know, it's good to
see you happy, though.
161
00:07:10,569 --> 00:07:12,535
Yeah. And I know exactly
what I'm gonna submit.
162
00:07:12,637 --> 00:07:14,804
Good. My spearhead.
163
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,273
Your spearhead?
164
00:07:18,710 --> 00:07:19,910
And just see the plaque now...
165
00:07:19,945 --> 00:07:22,645
"Donated by Ed Alzate of
Ed Alzate's Outdoor Man."
166
00:07:22,747 --> 00:07:25,214
Yeah. I-I've got to call
the kids. Where's my phone?
167
00:07:25,317 --> 00:07:26,416
You're holding it.
168
00:07:26,451 --> 00:07:28,284
Oh, right. (Laughs) Right!
169
00:07:28,386 --> 00:07:30,820
Today, I'm not even gonna worry
about how often that happens.
170
00:07:33,692 --> 00:07:37,460
Wow. He just totally
stole your stolen artifact.
171
00:07:37,562 --> 00:07:41,130
What's the Jell-O color for betrayal?
172
00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:44,200
Grape.
173
00:07:48,021 --> 00:07:49,721
Great thing about this poker game is
174
00:07:49,756 --> 00:07:51,856
I don't have to bring
beer or chips or anything.
175
00:07:51,925 --> 00:07:55,727
I mean, not that I would anyway,
but this time, it's not rude.
176
00:07:56,797 --> 00:07:59,330
Tonight, anyone can use any bathroom.
177
00:07:59,432 --> 00:08:01,900
This is not North Carolina.
178
00:08:02,002 --> 00:08:03,902
Anything to add, Baxter?
179
00:08:03,970 --> 00:08:06,271
Yeah, and this is coming from experience.
180
00:08:06,373 --> 00:08:08,606
(Clears throat) Don't cough.
181
00:08:10,677 --> 00:08:13,111
Hey, Mr. B., have you said
anything to Mr. Alzate?
182
00:08:13,180 --> 00:08:14,078
No, no, I'm not gonna.
183
00:08:14,181 --> 00:08:15,847
As important as that spear is to me,
184
00:08:15,949 --> 00:08:18,349
I think it's important to let
the boss have a win, right?
185
00:08:18,451 --> 00:08:19,417
Wow.
186
00:08:19,486 --> 00:08:22,486
You know, if the guy who had found that
thing on the mountain felt that way,
187
00:08:22,489 --> 00:08:24,722
his name would have been totally forgotten.
188
00:08:26,860 --> 00:08:29,394
You know, this isn't so
bad. I salted the rim.
189
00:08:31,097 --> 00:08:33,164
So, shall we start?
190
00:08:33,266 --> 00:08:34,732
All right.
191
00:08:34,835 --> 00:08:36,668
Kyle, you know your job? Yep.
192
00:08:36,770 --> 00:08:39,971
When someone gets up to go to the
bathroom, I jump in and play their hand.
193
00:08:40,073 --> 00:08:42,106
And? Try not to be a dumbass.
194
00:08:42,142 --> 00:08:44,008
Exactly.
195
00:08:44,110 --> 00:08:46,077
Gentlemen, another toast.
196
00:08:47,447 --> 00:08:49,614
To invasive medical procedures.
197
00:08:50,901 --> 00:08:52,222
Oh, you're in for a treat, Chuck.
198
00:08:52,252 --> 00:08:55,086
Your first time, it's kind
of like your first girl,
199
00:08:55,188 --> 00:08:58,323
you know, only... horrible.
200
00:08:58,425 --> 00:08:59,791
This is my second cup.
201
00:08:59,926 --> 00:09:01,726
About how long does
this stuff take to...
202
00:09:01,828 --> 00:09:02,827
Oh, wow.
203
00:09:06,466 --> 00:09:08,800
Amazing. He runs pretty fast.
204
00:09:08,902 --> 00:09:11,402
I can't believe he
can't catch a shoplifter.
205
00:09:11,471 --> 00:09:14,038
All right, let's see
what Mr. Larabee's got.
206
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:16,674
Mm-hmm. Oh, man.
207
00:09:16,776 --> 00:09:19,544
I mean... oh, man!
208
00:09:21,147 --> 00:09:22,180
All in.
209
00:09:25,051 --> 00:09:26,384
So, um, Joe, did you hear?
210
00:09:26,419 --> 00:09:28,686
I've been asked to submit
to the Explorers Museum.
211
00:09:28,822 --> 00:09:30,655
Well, technically, the
store has been asked.
212
00:09:30,757 --> 00:09:32,857
Mm, sounds like sour grapes.
213
00:09:34,461 --> 00:09:36,694
Not sour grapes. I'm just
trying to be accurate.
214
00:09:36,763 --> 00:09:39,797
You know, the last museum
I went to was incredible.
215
00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:42,000
I mean, the Tom Cruise was so lifelike,
216
00:09:42,068 --> 00:09:44,569
you could almost bend
over and pat his head.
217
00:09:48,909 --> 00:09:50,608
Yeah, I'm gonna submit a spearhead
218
00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:52,744
that I found while hiking
in a rainforest in Brazil.
219
00:09:52,846 --> 00:09:54,412
It was Honduras.
220
00:09:55,382 --> 00:09:57,482
I think I know my rainforests.
221
00:09:57,550 --> 00:10:00,318
Do you? 'Cause they're
in different hemispheres.
222
00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:02,754
They don't even have the same
species of monkey in them.
223
00:10:03,623 --> 00:10:05,156
Well, at least they both have monkeys.
224
00:10:05,225 --> 00:10:07,058
Our country blows.
225
00:10:09,496 --> 00:10:11,696
I remember it perfectly.
It was a full moon.
226
00:10:11,765 --> 00:10:12,697
Midday.
227
00:10:12,799 --> 00:10:14,866
It was the height of the rainy season.
228
00:10:14,968 --> 00:10:17,068
Bone dry!
229
00:10:17,137 --> 00:10:18,636
Who's telling the story?
230
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:20,238
Well, you're telling some
story, but not the real story.
231
00:10:20,340 --> 00:10:24,809
Look, I found that spearhead
in Honduras, midday, bone-dry.
232
00:10:24,878 --> 00:10:27,545
You were up in the cantina
with some woman named Maria.
233
00:10:29,950 --> 00:10:31,516
That can't be right.
234
00:10:31,618 --> 00:10:32,517
That's exactly what...
235
00:10:32,619 --> 00:10:34,085
Oh, boy. Here comes the judge.
236
00:10:38,925 --> 00:10:40,692
Oh. What'd I miss?
237
00:10:40,794 --> 00:10:44,095
Oh, Ed grabbed a spearhead
from a monkey in a cantina.
238
00:10:45,532 --> 00:10:47,799
239
00:10:47,834 --> 00:10:50,969
So, then Travis told me about this
college party over in Boulder.
240
00:10:51,037 --> 00:10:52,003
Really?
241
00:10:52,072 --> 00:10:57,275
Yeah, and then I was like, "No, I
got to get home for my curfew."
242
00:11:00,313 --> 00:11:02,213
And then I did.
243
00:11:02,282 --> 00:11:04,082
Yet I recall a different story...
244
00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:06,150
You giving me 10 bucks to
stuff pillows in your bed
245
00:11:06,219 --> 00:11:07,251
so Mom thought you were home.
246
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,519
(Laughs loudly)
247
00:11:08,588 --> 00:11:11,289
Aah. Ahh, memories!
248
00:11:11,391 --> 00:11:13,992
Funny, fuzzy, conflicting memories.
249
00:11:14,060 --> 00:11:16,327
Oh, come on. I knew about that.
250
00:11:16,396 --> 00:11:18,763
I just... I trusted you
to make good decisions.
251
00:11:18,865 --> 00:11:20,198
Why?
252
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:23,134
I... You're only
a teenager once.
253
00:11:23,203 --> 00:11:24,802
When did you get so cool?
254
00:11:24,904 --> 00:11:27,638
Yeah, why are you so good at hiding it?
255
00:11:27,741 --> 00:11:30,308
(Scoffs) I have always been cool.
256
00:11:30,343 --> 00:11:34,779
Listen, one time at a John Tesh concert...
257
00:11:34,881 --> 00:11:39,050
he brought one girl up on stage to sing to,
258
00:11:39,152 --> 00:11:41,219
and it was my best friend Karen.
259
00:11:41,287 --> 00:11:42,220
Wow.
260
00:11:42,322 --> 00:11:43,554
To Mom.
261
00:11:43,656 --> 00:11:45,957
(Glasses clinking) (Laughter)
262
00:11:46,026 --> 00:11:47,058
Oh, you know what?
263
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,127
I am... I am just loving
this new stage we're at,
264
00:11:49,229 --> 00:11:51,863
you know, where I'm not just your
mom, but I'm also your friend.
265
00:11:51,965 --> 00:11:53,064
(Sighs)
266
00:11:54,267 --> 00:11:55,700
(Clears throat)
267
00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:57,535
So, what... what
usually happens now?
268
00:11:57,604 --> 00:12:00,071
Well, when we were kids, by
this time, you'd be upstairs,
269
00:12:00,173 --> 00:12:02,907
yelling, "Keep it down, girls!" Yeah.
270
00:12:02,976 --> 00:12:05,543
And then when you went to sleep up
there, the party got turnt down here.
271
00:12:05,645 --> 00:12:06,544
Mandy: Oh, yeah.
272
00:12:06,646 --> 00:12:08,246
It was so much fun.
273
00:12:08,348 --> 00:12:10,248
We'd prank-call the neighbors,
watch R-rated movies.
274
00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:12,984
Remember sneaking out to 7-Eleven
to buy junk food? Oh, yeah.
275
00:12:13,086 --> 00:12:14,218
(Chuckles)
276
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,054
But this is also fun.
277
00:12:16,156 --> 00:12:17,055
We could do that.
278
00:12:17,157 --> 00:12:21,259
Let's... Let's sneak out now and
get our Cool Ranch Doritos on.
279
00:12:21,361 --> 00:12:22,493
(Laughs)
280
00:12:22,562 --> 00:12:25,229
Yeah, but, like, you're
here and you're okay with it,
281
00:12:25,331 --> 00:12:28,766
so now it would just be an errand.
282
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:31,569
Well, uh, you want to... you
want to watch an R-rated movie?
283
00:12:31,671 --> 00:12:35,473
Uh, been over 17 for a lot of years now.
284
00:12:35,575 --> 00:12:37,942
Well, um... Ooh, how bout X-rated?
285
00:12:38,044 --> 00:12:39,644
What?! Mom!
286
00:12:40,914 --> 00:12:44,348
287
00:12:44,417 --> 00:12:47,452
So, something happens with the
camera, and they can't get it out!
288
00:12:47,554 --> 00:12:49,087
(Laughs)
289
00:12:49,189 --> 00:12:52,490
My buddy's lying there
for an hour, maybe two.
290
00:12:52,625 --> 00:12:55,359
Then the doctor comes
in with these big tongs!
291
00:12:55,428 --> 00:12:57,528
(Laughs)
292
00:12:57,630 --> 00:13:01,132
Why... Why... Why are we
talking about this for?
293
00:13:03,362 --> 00:13:05,442
You were telling Chuck he
has nothing to worry about.
294
00:13:05,472 --> 00:13:07,939
Oh! Right, right.
295
00:13:08,041 --> 00:13:13,010
In fact, to this day, he only
serves salad with two big spoons.
296
00:13:13,113 --> 00:13:14,412
(Laughs)
297
00:13:15,715 --> 00:13:18,449
Oh, boy. Here comes Santa Claus.
298
00:13:18,518 --> 00:13:21,452
Hey. Hey, w-who's been drinking my prep?
299
00:13:21,521 --> 00:13:22,887
Oh, I don't know.
300
00:13:22,989 --> 00:13:24,989
Oh, yes, I do.
301
00:13:26,493 --> 00:13:29,594
Great. Now I won't have enough
of this stuff to get the job...
302
00:13:29,696 --> 00:13:30,695
Excuse me.
303
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,633
(Chuckles)
304
00:13:35,702 --> 00:13:38,402
These guys are gonna be
so mad. I locked the door.
305
00:13:47,180 --> 00:13:50,781
If you don't mind, I'd like to sit
in silence until they return.
306
00:13:50,884 --> 00:13:53,518
Ed, I didn't mean to bust your chops, okay?
307
00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:55,586
Okay, that's it. I'm out of here.
308
00:13:55,688 --> 00:13:59,891
You're gonna have an accident, not the
good kind where you run into a Buick.
309
00:13:59,959 --> 00:14:03,728
I'll be fine because this is not prep.
310
00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:05,129
It's iced tea.
311
00:14:05,231 --> 00:14:06,797
Why?
312
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:09,133
I'm not having a colonoscopy.
313
00:14:09,235 --> 00:14:10,668
What's the point?
314
00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:13,004
My days are numbered.
315
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,243
What do you mean your days are numbered?
316
00:14:22,312 --> 00:14:24,612
Age, Michael.
317
00:14:24,714 --> 00:14:27,782
Every minute of every day, another
cell in my body gives up,
318
00:14:27,851 --> 00:14:29,851
and I am diminished.
319
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:31,953
"Michael"? Oh, boy.
320
00:14:32,021 --> 00:14:35,590
I'm gonna get the full diva. Here it comes.
321
00:14:35,658 --> 00:14:38,025
How many years can I possibly have?
322
00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:40,027
Huh? That's why I didn't
have the colonoscopy.
323
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:42,196
I mean, drinking the prep,
crapping your guts out,
324
00:14:42,265 --> 00:14:45,566
and getting scoped...
that's a young man's game.
325
00:14:47,771 --> 00:14:49,537
Nobody's too old for a colonoscopy.
326
00:14:51,174 --> 00:14:54,776
I'm forgetting things,
Mike, and it scares me.
327
00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:56,577
Everybody forgets things!
328
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,579
It's very important
that I pick up something
329
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,548
on the way home from
work... haven't a clue.
330
00:15:00,617 --> 00:15:02,316
No. Those are little things.
331
00:15:02,385 --> 00:15:05,553
I'm in the rainforest, where my best
friend finds an ancient artifact.
332
00:15:05,622 --> 00:15:08,122
I mean, that's the kind of
thing a man should remember.
333
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:09,959
You should've remembered
Maria in the cantina.
334
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:11,726
That's what you should've remembered.
335
00:15:13,897 --> 00:15:15,396
I have a favor to ask, Michael.
336
00:15:15,432 --> 00:15:18,566
Going with "Michael" again.
This is gonna be a big one.
337
00:15:18,635 --> 00:15:21,669
I'd still like to submit
that spearhead under my name.
338
00:15:21,738 --> 00:15:23,704
Ed, Ed. Come on. It's too late in the game
339
00:15:23,773 --> 00:15:26,140
for me to go out and
find something on my own.
340
00:15:26,209 --> 00:15:29,477
This is my last shot
at the Explorers Museum.
341
00:15:29,546 --> 00:15:33,014
I think you're forgetting you're
already in the Explorers Museum.
342
00:15:34,484 --> 00:15:35,349
No, I'm not.
343
00:15:35,452 --> 00:15:37,785
I took a shot.
344
00:15:41,658 --> 00:15:43,624
(Laughs) No, wait.
345
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:46,961
Your refrigerator is running!
346
00:15:50,233 --> 00:15:52,633
Sorry, Mike.
347
00:15:52,735 --> 00:15:55,970
Yeah, no, I know you're
busy. Okay. I'm sorry.
348
00:15:56,072 --> 00:16:00,808
So, this is great, but I'm gonna
head home and sleep in my own bed.
349
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:01,809
No, wait. Hey, wait, wait, wait.
350
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:04,212
What... What about
the sleepover?
351
00:16:04,314 --> 00:16:05,613
It's just not the same, okay?
352
00:16:05,682 --> 00:16:09,917
This just feels like adults sleeping
on the floor for no reason.
353
00:16:10,019 --> 00:16:11,752
Yeah, I'm too old for this.
354
00:16:11,855 --> 00:16:14,422
My sciatica's acting up.
355
00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:17,124
This is silly. We're not kids anymore.
356
00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:18,693
We can't re-create the past.
357
00:16:18,795 --> 00:16:20,361
All right, hold on. You know what?
358
00:16:20,463 --> 00:16:21,796
I'll leave.
359
00:16:21,831 --> 00:16:23,631
I mean, I-I'm the one who's
ruining the sleepover party.
360
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:24,866
N-No, you're not.
361
00:16:24,968 --> 00:16:27,702
Mm, let the woman talk.
362
00:16:27,804 --> 00:16:30,304
I'm... I'm ruining
it for me, too.
363
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,874
Listen, you know what my favorite
part of your sleepovers was?
364
00:16:32,942 --> 00:16:38,779
Laying upstairs and listening to you
girls share stories and giggling and...
365
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:41,516
just being sisters.
366
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,518
That's nice.
367
00:16:43,620 --> 00:16:44,986
You were eavesdropping.
368
00:16:45,054 --> 00:16:46,954
(Chuckles)
369
00:16:47,023 --> 00:16:50,992
But you're all grown up now,
and I don't get that anymore.
370
00:16:51,060 --> 00:16:54,462
And I just... I...
I miss that feeling.
371
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:59,834
So... So, tonight, for one
night, can I just get it back?
372
00:16:59,903 --> 00:17:03,437
You want us to act like
irresponsible kids again?
373
00:17:03,506 --> 00:17:06,407
I guess I could turn back
the clock to last month.
374
00:17:08,645 --> 00:17:10,077
Thank you. Thank you.
375
00:17:10,146 --> 00:17:14,916
So, uh, I want you girls to keep
it down, and lights out by 11:00,
376
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,818
and I am going to confiscate this.
377
00:17:17,921 --> 00:17:19,086
No, I'm over 21.
378
00:17:19,155 --> 00:17:20,288
I know. I just want it.
379
00:17:20,390 --> 00:17:21,489
Okay.
380
00:17:24,527 --> 00:17:27,495
So, what do we do now? I don't know.
381
00:17:27,597 --> 00:17:29,130
I guess we could check Mom's bag
382
00:17:29,165 --> 00:17:31,132
to see if she actually has
an X-rated movie in there.
383
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,367
Wouldn't be the first time
we rifled through Mom's purse.
384
00:17:33,436 --> 00:17:35,036
Oh, man, remember when we went to 7-Eleven
385
00:17:35,104 --> 00:17:37,772
and tried to buy stuff
with her insurance card?
386
00:17:37,874 --> 00:17:40,942
387
00:17:41,010 --> 00:17:43,911
Hey, we're back. Thanks for the ride, Kyle.
388
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,580
So, how was it, guys?
389
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:49,584
Well... Joe... cried.
390
00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:53,788
It was the anesthesia, okay?
391
00:17:53,890 --> 00:17:56,724
It happens.
392
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,726
But, you know, it was
...it was very bonding.
393
00:17:58,828 --> 00:18:00,695
I... I'm thinking this
is what it must be like
394
00:18:00,797 --> 00:18:03,698
for men who went to war together, you know?
395
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,900
No, it's nothing like that.
396
00:18:07,662 --> 00:18:09,542
Anyway, it's good to have
a clean bill of health
397
00:18:09,572 --> 00:18:11,005
and get all that crap out of my system.
398
00:18:11,107 --> 00:18:12,139
Yeah, yeah, I feel great.
399
00:18:12,208 --> 00:18:14,375
It must be from getting rid of all those...
all those toxins.
400
00:18:14,477 --> 00:18:15,576
Yeah, yeah. Hey, food truck's here.
401
00:18:15,645 --> 00:18:17,378
I'm gonna get a corn dog
and some fried cheese.
402
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:18,379
Mmm.
403
00:18:18,481 --> 00:18:21,048
Ed, Ed, Ed. Got a minute?
404
00:18:21,150 --> 00:18:23,417
Yeah, sure.
405
00:18:25,722 --> 00:18:28,189
Look, I was thinking about
what you said yesterday. Mm-hmm.
406
00:18:28,291 --> 00:18:30,391
Do you remember what you said yesterday?
407
00:18:31,661 --> 00:18:33,394
Yes, I remember.
408
00:18:33,496 --> 00:18:35,229
There's only one thing you can do
409
00:18:35,298 --> 00:18:38,132
when your best friend asks you
to fulfill his lifelong dream.
410
00:18:38,234 --> 00:18:39,834
Thank you, Mike.
411
00:18:39,936 --> 00:18:41,602
Get your own damn spearhead.
412
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,871
I can't do that.
413
00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:46,374
Remember last night, my big
speech about my cells dying?
414
00:18:46,476 --> 00:18:47,675
You're not dying.
415
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:51,579
You're aging like everybody
else except John Stamos.
416
00:18:51,681 --> 00:18:54,181
My mistake was treating
you like a feeble old man.
417
00:18:54,283 --> 00:18:56,017
I never said I was feeble.
418
00:18:56,085 --> 00:18:59,754
Well, taking credit for somebody else's
accomplishments... pretty feeble.
419
00:18:59,856 --> 00:19:01,389
Is that what this is about?
420
00:19:01,491 --> 00:19:02,823
Having your name on that spearhead... No.
421
00:19:02,892 --> 00:19:04,158
...is really that important to you?
422
00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:05,826
Come on. This is about you.
423
00:19:05,928 --> 00:19:08,396
You're forgetting things.
That doesn't make you senile.
424
00:19:08,498 --> 00:19:10,138
Come on, now. W-What do you want from me?
425
00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:11,287
Why did you call me in here?
426
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:13,467
I'd like you to go with me to Brazil.
427
00:19:13,569 --> 00:19:16,771
They found caves in
Mount Allegra, unexplored.
428
00:19:16,873 --> 00:19:19,140
Get out of here. Is that right?
429
00:19:19,175 --> 00:19:22,343
Maybe I can get to use all that
equipment that we sell, huh?
430
00:19:22,445 --> 00:19:23,711
It'd be good to get away. That's right.
431
00:19:23,813 --> 00:19:25,813
Then I can spend time in the cantina.
432
00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,181
What do you think?
433
00:19:28,651 --> 00:19:30,217
W-Why... Why am
I holding this?
434
00:19:30,286 --> 00:19:32,520
What's...
What's going on?
435
00:19:34,457 --> 00:19:36,157
Ed?
436
00:19:36,693 --> 00:19:38,659
Feeble old man got you, huh?
437
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,161
(Laughs)
438
00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:42,596
We're going to Venezuela.
439
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,099
Actually, Brazil.
440
00:19:45,201 --> 00:19:47,835
Ah, we're going to Brazil!
441
00:19:52,815 --> 00:19:54,382
Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man
442
00:19:54,450 --> 00:19:56,817
with some news I'm
literally dying to tell you.
443
00:19:56,886 --> 00:19:59,587
(Sighs) That's right.
444
00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:03,691
None of us is getting
out of this life alive.
445
00:20:03,793 --> 00:20:05,293
Have a nice day.
446
00:20:07,196 --> 00:20:08,763
Come on, wait. Hear me out.
447
00:20:08,865 --> 00:20:11,265
It's not about how many
summers we have left.
448
00:20:11,367 --> 00:20:13,801
It's what we choose to
do with those summers.
449
00:20:13,870 --> 00:20:16,337
If you spend your life watching
"Walking Dead" marathons,
450
00:20:16,406 --> 00:20:17,972
you're no better than a zombie.
451
00:20:18,074 --> 00:20:19,473
Actually, you're worse.
452
00:20:19,542 --> 00:20:22,143
At least they're walking.
453
00:20:22,245 --> 00:20:24,178
You're sitting on your ass.
454
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,647
The Bible teaches us
that we start out as dust,
455
00:20:26,749 --> 00:20:29,016
and unto dust we shall return.
456
00:20:29,118 --> 00:20:31,118
Don't be a dust bunny in between.
457
00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:33,421
Climb a mountain, ride some rapids...
458
00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:35,923
don't live life like you're already dead.
459
00:20:36,025 --> 00:20:37,665
Because if God can't tell the difference,
460
00:20:37,727 --> 00:20:42,663
he may just go ahead and grab you early.
461
00:20:42,765 --> 00:20:44,699
So, instead of crying about
462
00:20:44,801 --> 00:20:48,169
the number of grains of
sand left in your hourglass,
463
00:20:48,271 --> 00:20:52,106
do something to make sure there
are as many in there as possible.
464
00:20:52,175 --> 00:20:53,908
So get your insides photographed.
465
00:20:54,010 --> 00:20:55,776
Heck, invite some friends, play some cards.
466
00:20:55,878 --> 00:20:59,079
Let me tell you, that's one poker
game that doesn't beat a flush.
467
00:20:59,129 --> 00:21:03,679
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