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1
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,666
You're so lucky you get
to be in Junior G.I. Joes.
2
00:00:08,589 --> 00:00:10,029
Once a week, you don't have to think
3
00:00:10,056 --> 00:00:11,890
about what you're gonna
wear, putting on make-up.
4
00:00:11,922 --> 00:00:14,389
You get to go, "Today, I'm a dude."
5
00:00:14,418 --> 00:00:17,586
And you're lucky I don't want
to get blood on my uniform.
6
00:00:17,616 --> 00:00:20,216
Come on! Come on, no kitchen violence.
7
00:00:20,247 --> 00:00:22,614
I haven't even had any coffee yet.
8
00:00:22,645 --> 00:00:24,778
Okay, there we go. All right. Go on.
9
00:00:24,809 --> 00:00:26,609
Ooh! Hey, where were you?
10
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:29,174
Training for the Polar Run.
11
00:00:29,205 --> 00:00:30,271
Ah, the Polar Run.
12
00:00:30,303 --> 00:00:34,339
A thousand people chasing five Kenyans
through the streets of Denver.
13
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:37,201
The Kenyans always win, but
the good news is my team,
14
00:00:37,231 --> 00:00:40,298
the Michigan Wolver-runners,
always beats your mom's team.
15
00:00:40,328 --> 00:00:45,531
The Ohio State University... Runners.
16
00:00:45,556 --> 00:00:48,724
Who have lost the race
ever since we started.
17
00:00:49,918 --> 00:00:52,619
How did this stupid
rivalry even get started?
18
00:00:52,649 --> 00:00:56,284
Well, your dad and I had some of
our alumni friends over one year
19
00:00:56,312 --> 00:00:58,545
to watch the Michigan/
Ohio State football game.
20
00:00:58,577 --> 00:01:00,543
Ohio State crowd came
over, and they were amazed
21
00:01:00,575 --> 00:01:03,275
we had one of those talking picture boxes.
22
00:01:03,306 --> 00:01:05,806
Oh, oh, oh, and... and
Michigan actually won that year.
23
00:01:05,837 --> 00:01:07,970
That's right. Yeah, so you
know it was a while ago.
24
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:09,401
Ouch.
25
00:01:09,433 --> 00:01:12,100
Anyway, uh, the Polar Run was the next day,
26
00:01:12,130 --> 00:01:14,030
so we decided to make it
a friendly competition...
27
00:01:14,062 --> 00:01:16,463
Michigan alums versus
Ohio State alums...
28
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,159
and it's been a tradition ever since.
29
00:01:18,192 --> 00:01:20,125
I'm surprised you don't
do the Polar Run, Eve.
30
00:01:20,156 --> 00:01:22,190
You never miss a chance
to do something sweaty.
31
00:01:22,221 --> 00:01:26,089
Well, in Rot-C, we run for God and
country, not a plastic trophy
32
00:01:26,118 --> 00:01:28,518
of a polar bear giving me a thumbs up.
33
00:01:28,548 --> 00:01:29,447
Buh-bye!
34
00:01:29,481 --> 00:01:30,680
Bye. Bye-bye.
35
00:01:30,712 --> 00:01:34,648
You know, Mike, this might be the
year we finally beat you.
36
00:01:34,675 --> 00:01:38,043
Team Ohio State has been working out,
and you have not been training at all.
37
00:01:38,072 --> 00:01:39,633
I should work my arms out a little bit.
38
00:01:39,638 --> 00:01:41,799
God knows I'll be doing
high-fiving at the finish line.
39
00:01:42,967 --> 00:01:47,069
You are so cute when you're overconfident.
40
00:01:47,098 --> 00:01:48,130
- Overconfident?
- Yep.
41
00:01:48,164 --> 00:01:49,797
You know our star runner, right?
42
00:01:49,828 --> 00:01:51,461
Former college track star Cathy Thomas?
43
00:01:51,492 --> 00:01:55,594
5'5," brown hair... kind of a blur as
she speeds by you to the finish line?
44
00:01:55,623 --> 00:01:56,783
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember.
45
00:01:56,788 --> 00:01:58,154
But admit it, if it wasn't for Cathy,
46
00:01:58,187 --> 00:02:00,020
you guys would never win,
so, no. Okay, I admit it.
47
00:02:00,051 --> 00:02:02,085
But we have her, we are gonna
win, and I'm okay with that.
48
00:02:02,116 --> 00:02:04,717
All right, I'll tell you what, let's make
this year's race a little more interesting.
49
00:02:04,747 --> 00:02:05,846
- Oh, do tell. Yeah, go ahead.
- Okay? Yeah, yeah.
50
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,479
Winner picks our next vacation.
51
00:02:07,512 --> 00:02:08,944
Done deal. You win, we go rafting.
52
00:02:08,977 --> 00:02:10,710
Let's go rafting. I win...
53
00:02:10,741 --> 00:02:13,008
We go to New York to see
"Hamilton" on Broadway.
54
00:02:14,238 --> 00:02:15,670
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
55
00:02:15,704 --> 00:02:19,906
Revolutionary war heroes doing hip
hop, and nobody stopped that?
56
00:02:19,966 --> 00:02:21,699
All right, let's go rafting.
57
00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:22,929
Done deal.
58
00:02:22,963 --> 00:02:24,629
I'll get it.
59
00:02:24,661 --> 00:02:26,228
It's probably Cathy now.
60
00:02:26,259 --> 00:02:28,826
She said she'd come by to
drop off the race packets.
61
00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:30,591
Ask her if she wants to
come in and rest her feet.
62
00:02:30,623 --> 00:02:32,590
Why, because they're
smoking from the run over?
63
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,954
Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey!
64
00:02:34,985 --> 00:02:36,017
Hey.
65
00:02:36,051 --> 00:02:38,051
Ah, hi, Cathy.
66
00:02:38,082 --> 00:02:40,383
Oh, did I forget to mention
that Cathy's pregnant...
67
00:02:40,413 --> 00:02:42,046
With twins?
68
00:02:42,077 --> 00:02:43,844
Congratulations.
69
00:02:43,876 --> 00:02:44,876
Got to use your bathroom.
70
00:02:44,875 --> 00:02:45,707
Okay, sure you do.
71
00:02:45,742 --> 00:02:46,774
Go wolver-runners! Yeah.
72
00:02:46,807 --> 00:02:48,774
Ooh, yeah.
73
00:02:48,804 --> 00:02:52,506
Ho. Well, it looks like
somebody finally caught her.
74
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:56,414
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
75
00:03:01,493 --> 00:03:03,159
- Hey, honey.
- Hey, Mike.
76
00:03:03,192 --> 00:03:05,726
Quick question... Midtown or Soho?
77
00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:10,088
Well, uh, quicker question... what?
78
00:03:11,416 --> 00:03:13,817
When we go to New York to see "Hamilton,"
79
00:03:13,848 --> 00:03:15,314
where do you want to stay?
80
00:03:15,347 --> 00:03:18,181
You know, I still intend
on winning this race.
81
00:03:18,210 --> 00:03:19,109
Mm, yeah.
82
00:03:19,142 --> 00:03:21,242
Well, without Cathy Thomas, how?
83
00:03:21,274 --> 00:03:24,642
Hey, uh, Eve?
84
00:03:25,803 --> 00:03:28,804
In here!
85
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,834
How fast could you run a 5K
without a backpack or boots?
86
00:03:33,562 --> 00:03:34,661
Well, that depends.
87
00:03:34,695 --> 00:03:36,528
Am I just trying to win or make people cry?
88
00:03:36,559 --> 00:03:38,225
What do you think you're doing?
89
00:03:38,257 --> 00:03:39,556
Hold on a second. Listen.
90
00:03:39,589 --> 00:03:42,724
How would you like to
help me kick your mom's ass
91
00:03:42,753 --> 00:03:45,287
by racing for team Michigan on Saturday?
92
00:03:45,318 --> 00:03:46,850
Sure. Why not?
93
00:03:46,883 --> 00:03:48,582
Wait. Hold it. Wait.
That... that is cheating.
94
00:03:48,615 --> 00:03:51,783
She cannot run for your
team. She's not an alum.
95
00:03:51,811 --> 00:03:56,314
But she got an acceptance package
from the University of Michigan,
96
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:59,308
so she's like a... a pre-alum, right?
97
00:03:59,338 --> 00:04:00,337
Dad, I'm not going to Michigan.
98
00:04:00,369 --> 00:04:01,435
- I'm going to West Point.
- I know.
99
00:04:01,469 --> 00:04:05,538
And we couldn't be more proud of that,
but she was accepted by U of M,
100
00:04:05,598 --> 00:04:08,866
and according to the bylaws of this race,
which I'm making up as I go along...
101
00:04:08,895 --> 00:04:12,664
You are... She could race for
my team on Saturday, right?
102
00:04:12,691 --> 00:04:14,924
Uh, well, what if I want
her to run for my team?
103
00:04:14,956 --> 00:04:17,590
I mean, she'll probably also
be accepted to Ohio State.
104
00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:19,854
Well, of course she'll
be accepted to Ohio State.
105
00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:20,750
She's got a pulse.
106
00:04:20,783 --> 00:04:22,249
Oh, my God.
107
00:04:22,282 --> 00:04:25,116
The point is, she hasn't been
accepted to Ohio State yet.
108
00:04:25,146 --> 00:04:26,786
Eve, have you checked the website lately?
109
00:04:26,811 --> 00:04:27,977
- Log on. Maybe you got in.
- Don't... no, no, no, no.
110
00:04:28,010 --> 00:04:29,943
If she were accepted, she'd
have a packet of some sort.
111
00:04:29,974 --> 00:04:31,107
I don't see a packet.
112
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,106
You see a packet? Here,
packet, packet, packet.
113
00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:33,606
W... no. I'm gonna sgo check the mail.
114
00:04:33,639 --> 00:04:34,604
I'm gonna check the mail right now.
115
00:04:34,637 --> 00:04:35,936
There's nothing in the mail.
116
00:04:35,969 --> 00:04:36,968
You'll just make
something up. I'm checking.
117
00:04:37,002 --> 00:04:38,134
No! Listen, you said "yes."
118
00:04:38,166 --> 00:04:41,067
We're gonna do this.
Don't go to the computer!
119
00:04:41,098 --> 00:04:42,364
Wow.
120
00:04:42,397 --> 00:04:44,264
Dad really wants you to run for his team.
121
00:04:44,295 --> 00:04:45,694
I know.
122
00:04:45,726 --> 00:04:47,559
If they ever lost, mom would
never let him hear the end of it.
123
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:48,757
Exactly.
124
00:04:48,790 --> 00:04:51,591
Dad's desperate, and
you've got all the leverage.
125
00:04:51,621 --> 00:04:55,122
You need to work this out so you
can get something out of it.
126
00:04:55,150 --> 00:04:56,717
Like what? I don't need anything.
127
00:04:56,749 --> 00:04:59,450
Says the girl with the phone
from the Obama administration.
128
00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,280
Ha!
129
00:05:01,311 --> 00:05:03,912
I mean, the first one.
130
00:05:03,942 --> 00:05:05,308
And, like, early.
131
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,207
Your phone is old! Geez.
132
00:05:13,067 --> 00:05:14,933
Enjoy.
133
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,501
Ed hasn't gotten out of his meeting yet?
134
00:05:18,528 --> 00:05:19,860
Y-you've been here for hours.
135
00:05:19,894 --> 00:05:21,627
It's okay. I'm used to waiting.
136
00:05:21,659 --> 00:05:23,759
This store is Eddie's first love.
137
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,123
I'm just his mistress.
138
00:05:25,155 --> 00:05:26,721
That's not true.
139
00:05:26,754 --> 00:05:28,721
It's okay. I don't mind.
140
00:05:28,751 --> 00:05:30,685
Mistresses are hotter.
141
00:05:30,717 --> 00:05:33,885
That's right, store. I said it.
142
00:05:33,913 --> 00:05:35,980
Oh.
143
00:05:36,012 --> 00:05:38,279
A thousand apologies.
144
00:05:38,310 --> 00:05:40,009
Have you ordered yet, my dear?
145
00:05:40,042 --> 00:05:42,075
Yes, Ed. I ordered. I ate.
146
00:05:42,105 --> 00:05:45,106
I went up and down the rock wall
a couple times to work it off.
147
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:46,269
I'm good.
148
00:05:46,302 --> 00:05:49,503
I was on the phone the whole time
with our lantern distributor.
149
00:05:49,532 --> 00:05:51,465
Ironically, he's not too bright.
150
00:05:51,497 --> 00:05:54,565
Ed, you promised that this
time, it was gonna be different,
151
00:05:54,594 --> 00:05:57,028
and yet, here we are again... you're
spending all your time at work.
152
00:05:57,058 --> 00:05:58,224
I know, I know.
153
00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:00,391
So let's not waste the
precious moments that we have.
154
00:06:00,421 --> 00:06:02,321
Let's order some wine and have a bite.
155
00:06:02,353 --> 00:06:05,154
Uh, actually, the... the
kitchen's already closed...
156
00:06:05,184 --> 00:06:07,918
Is something I might say
if you weren't my boss.
157
00:06:09,513 --> 00:06:11,747
Uh, let me scrape something up for you.
158
00:06:11,778 --> 00:06:13,011
Oh, that's... that's delightful,
159
00:06:13,043 --> 00:06:16,378
and I-I think you've just
found our new ad campaign.
160
00:06:16,406 --> 00:06:19,374
Oh, uh, I forgot to
mention, Sheila quit today.
161
00:06:19,404 --> 00:06:20,703
- Our hostess?
- Yeah.
162
00:06:20,736 --> 00:06:22,269
Well, did she give notice?
163
00:06:22,301 --> 00:06:23,600
Mm, kind of.
164
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:27,535
She was like, "I just won three grand
on a scratcher. I'm out, losers."
165
00:06:27,562 --> 00:06:30,730
So I'm gonna start looking
for a new one tomorrow.
166
00:06:30,759 --> 00:06:32,025
All right. Wait a minute.
167
00:06:32,057 --> 00:06:34,091
Wait, now. How about Wendi?
168
00:06:34,122 --> 00:06:35,155
What?
169
00:06:35,188 --> 00:06:36,254
What? Me?
170
00:06:36,288 --> 00:06:38,168
Mm-hmm. You've been
looking for something to do.
171
00:06:38,186 --> 00:06:39,218
Well... Hmm?
172
00:06:39,252 --> 00:06:40,885
...Jason is away at college,
173
00:06:40,916 --> 00:06:44,251
and my house is awfully
quiet since my parrot escaped.
174
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:45,779
Mm-hmm. I see.
175
00:06:45,812 --> 00:06:48,513
That way, we'll be able to
see each other more often.
176
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,242
Well, that sounds good.
177
00:06:50,274 --> 00:06:51,974
Oh, I-I can't just hire her.
178
00:06:52,005 --> 00:06:55,540
I would have to interview her
and make sure she's qualified.
179
00:06:55,569 --> 00:06:58,237
Can you walk and carry
menus at the same time?
180
00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:00,298
Yes.
181
00:07:00,331 --> 00:07:01,597
She's qualified.
182
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,363
There's a little more to it than that.
183
00:07:04,427 --> 00:07:06,060
Yeah, you're right. There really isn't.
184
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:08,092
Uh, you're hired!
185
00:07:11,221 --> 00:07:15,523
I'm sorry, but my client is
not going to run five entire "K"
186
00:07:15,550 --> 00:07:21,955
for a pair of used earbuds
you found in the junk drawer.
187
00:07:21,977 --> 00:07:23,844
They're not junk. They work perfectly fine.
188
00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:25,635
I used to wear them to
all your school plays.
189
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:26,773
Couldn't hear a thing.
190
00:07:26,806 --> 00:07:30,141
Well, if you don't up
your offer, I'll walk.
191
00:07:30,169 --> 00:07:33,170
I mean it... I'll participate
in the race, but I'll walk.
192
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,365
You already made a promise.
193
00:07:34,399 --> 00:07:36,499
Is this a new thing for
you... breaking promises?
194
00:07:36,530 --> 00:07:38,163
Don't answer that.
195
00:07:38,195 --> 00:07:41,596
I think this is an opportunity
for everyone to win.
196
00:07:41,625 --> 00:07:44,026
Okay, okay, okay. How about this?
197
00:07:44,056 --> 00:07:45,889
I'll throw this in. What is this?
198
00:07:45,921 --> 00:07:48,721
This is a $20 gift card
to the local Cineplex,
199
00:07:48,752 --> 00:07:50,118
which means you can go to a movie
200
00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:53,685
while a friend stays outside
and enjoys a small sprite.
201
00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:56,079
Ohh.
202
00:07:56,111 --> 00:07:58,511
We are miles apart here, Mr. Baxter.
203
00:07:59,585 --> 00:08:01,146
I don't think you understand. Oh, I...
204
00:08:01,173 --> 00:08:04,808
Eve can give you bragging
rights over mom for a full year.
205
00:08:04,836 --> 00:08:06,637
All right. You just
can't put a price on that.
206
00:08:06,635 --> 00:08:07,767
But I can... a new iPhone.
207
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,499
6S plus.
208
00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:13,100
Trust me... with those sausage fingers,
you're gonna love the big screen.
209
00:08:13,128 --> 00:08:15,996
Look, you're pushing it.
My team is all you got.
210
00:08:16,025 --> 00:08:17,191
The Kenyans don't need you,
211
00:08:17,224 --> 00:08:19,425
the guys in the toga outfits
aren't in it to win it.
212
00:08:19,456 --> 00:08:22,724
Well, we could talk to mom.
213
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,185
Well, go ahead. Talk to mom.
214
00:08:24,217 --> 00:08:27,285
She's not eligible to race on
mom's team according to the rules.
215
00:08:27,314 --> 00:08:28,280
Which you made up.
216
00:08:28,313 --> 00:08:30,113
Which are ironclad.
217
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:34,745
You know what it seems like to
me is you two are selling shoes,
218
00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:37,909
and I'm the only guy in town with feet.
219
00:08:39,303 --> 00:08:41,137
Uh, Mike, strangest thing.
220
00:08:41,168 --> 00:08:45,337
I was enjoying this beautiful evening
by doing laundry in the garage,
221
00:08:45,364 --> 00:08:50,467
and I found this on your workbench.
222
00:08:50,493 --> 00:08:53,861
It's Eve's acceptance
packet from Ohio State.
223
00:08:53,889 --> 00:08:57,290
That was supposed to be under the bench.
224
00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,253
Mm. What was it doing there?
225
00:08:59,284 --> 00:09:00,851
It was from Ohio State.
226
00:09:00,882 --> 00:09:03,583
It belonged with the rest of the tools.
227
00:09:03,614 --> 00:09:06,015
Well, you know what this means?
228
00:09:06,044 --> 00:09:12,281
Now Eve can run for the Ohio State
University in the Polar Run 5K.
229
00:09:12,306 --> 00:09:15,807
Another pair of feet just walked into town.
230
00:09:15,836 --> 00:09:17,736
Looks like got ourselves a bidding war.
231
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:18,665
Do we?
232
00:09:18,699 --> 00:09:20,466
I run a chain of retail stores.
233
00:09:20,498 --> 00:09:22,865
Your mom is a public school teacher.
234
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,762
Let the bidding begin.
235
00:09:30,296 --> 00:09:31,528
Mom, hi. Hey.
236
00:09:31,561 --> 00:09:34,061
Uh, just got out of a meeting with dad.
237
00:09:34,093 --> 00:09:39,229
We wrapped our negotiation,
and, um I have some bad news.
238
00:09:39,254 --> 00:09:41,388
He matched your offer.
239
00:09:41,418 --> 00:09:42,718
Why is that bad news?
240
00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:45,150
It just means Eve will have to
pick the parent she likes the...
241
00:09:45,182 --> 00:09:47,849
Oh, crap.
242
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,745
Yeah. Dad is Eve's favorite.
243
00:09:49,777 --> 00:09:51,744
But lucky for you, you're mine.
244
00:09:51,775 --> 00:09:53,775
Or you could be.
245
00:09:53,807 --> 00:09:55,139
Okay, all right, all right, all right.
246
00:09:55,172 --> 00:10:00,041
Um, along with the phone of her choice,
I will throw in a full data plan,
247
00:10:00,068 --> 00:10:01,600
headphones, designer case.
248
00:10:01,633 --> 00:10:03,366
Is that in the ballpark?
249
00:10:03,397 --> 00:10:06,999
Uh, we can see the ballpark from here.
250
00:10:07,027 --> 00:10:09,161
Oh, look, there it is! It's way over there.
251
00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:11,359
I can almost walk there.
252
00:10:11,390 --> 00:10:16,093
If only I had a pair of nice, new boots.
253
00:10:16,118 --> 00:10:17,251
You know, hang on.
254
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,550
Why do I suddenly feel
like I'm bribing you?
255
00:10:18,583 --> 00:10:21,418
Because I'm Eve's agent.
She'll do whatever I say.
256
00:10:21,446 --> 00:10:22,945
Come on!
257
00:10:22,979 --> 00:10:23,944
Help me help you.
258
00:10:23,978 --> 00:10:25,711
Don't pretend that's what this is.
259
00:10:25,743 --> 00:10:29,011
Fine. Help me help me.
260
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,673
By getting you these boots?
261
00:10:30,704 --> 00:10:32,144
Look at that! We're at the ballpark!
262
00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:33,670
All right. All right, done.
263
00:10:33,702 --> 00:10:35,201
Yes! Good.
264
00:10:36,025 --> 00:10:37,705
Hey, hey, hey, what are you shaking about?
265
00:10:37,731 --> 00:10:39,097
No shaking. Stop the shaking.
266
00:10:39,130 --> 00:10:41,030
Uh, mom countered your offer.
267
00:10:41,062 --> 00:10:42,695
We already shook on my offer.
268
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,926
Oh, dad, you should know
by now I can't be trusted.
269
00:10:44,958 --> 00:10:46,057
I'm buying the boots. No,
no, no, don't buy the...
270
00:10:46,090 --> 00:10:47,623
I'm buying the boots!
Don't buy... don't pre...
271
00:10:47,656 --> 00:10:49,055
buy the boots. Buy the boots!
I'm buying... I bought the boots!
272
00:10:49,087 --> 00:10:50,047
I bought the boots! Yes!
273
00:10:50,053 --> 00:10:51,119
Whoa! What's going on?
274
00:10:51,152 --> 00:10:52,318
Oh, nothing you need to worry about.
275
00:10:52,350 --> 00:10:53,282
Just go run some more.
276
00:10:53,316 --> 00:10:55,216
Your agent went rogue.
277
00:10:55,248 --> 00:10:58,816
Jerry Maguire here is
showing herself the money.
278
00:10:58,845 --> 00:11:00,311
All right. Everybody, stop.
279
00:11:00,343 --> 00:11:02,243
I-I know I got caught up in all this,
280
00:11:02,274 --> 00:11:05,042
but I don't like the idea
of taking a bribe to race.
281
00:11:05,071 --> 00:11:08,006
That's because you haven't
heard any of the bribes yet.
282
00:11:08,036 --> 00:11:10,737
It's not right. I'm going to West Point.
283
00:11:10,766 --> 00:11:12,366
I'm going to be a soldier,
and soldiers do things
284
00:11:12,398 --> 00:11:13,897
without expecting anything in return. Mm.
285
00:11:13,930 --> 00:11:16,731
The patriotism card. I love it.
286
00:11:16,761 --> 00:11:20,529
Okay. What am I bid for
this honorable warrior?
287
00:11:20,557 --> 00:11:22,724
No bids, Mandy. I told
dad I would run for free...
288
00:11:22,755 --> 00:11:23,621
Good.
No. Wha...
289
00:11:23,654 --> 00:11:24,953
...and I'm keeping my word.
290
00:11:24,986 --> 00:11:25,985
What? I'm sorry, mom. I'm sorry.
291
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,318
I'm sorry. Heh.
292
00:11:27,351 --> 00:11:29,351
Wait. What just happened?
293
00:11:29,382 --> 00:11:32,383
An agent's worst enemy... integrity.
294
00:11:36,308 --> 00:11:38,842
Enjoy your meal. Sorry for the wait.
295
00:11:38,873 --> 00:11:41,274
Hi.
296
00:11:41,303 --> 00:11:43,103
Wendi, where have you been?
297
00:11:43,135 --> 00:11:44,868
I had to seat four tables.
298
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:47,500
Oh, I was upstairs visiting my Eddie.
299
00:11:47,531 --> 00:11:49,197
Uh, yeah. It's just that, Wendi,
300
00:11:49,229 --> 00:11:52,197
every time I-I walk into
the room, you're not here.
301
00:11:52,227 --> 00:11:56,663
Oh, well forgive me for spending a
little bit of time with Mr. Alzate.
302
00:11:56,689 --> 00:11:58,655
You know, the owner.
303
00:11:58,687 --> 00:12:00,920
You are the hostess.
304
00:12:00,952 --> 00:12:03,018
This is the hostess stand.
305
00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:04,282
Do you know why they call it that?
306
00:12:04,316 --> 00:12:08,418
Yeah, it's because it's
where the hostess stands.
307
00:12:08,444 --> 00:12:10,444
The whole point of me taking this job
308
00:12:10,475 --> 00:12:12,642
is so I get to spend a little
more time with my boyfriend.
309
00:12:12,674 --> 00:12:13,873
No, no, no. Not the whole point.
310
00:12:13,906 --> 00:12:15,706
There was a little piece of the point
311
00:12:15,737 --> 00:12:18,271
that had something to do with
you being a hostess, okay?
312
00:12:18,303 --> 00:12:20,903
I might have to talk to
Mr. Alzate about this.
313
00:12:20,933 --> 00:12:21,998
Oh, you should.
314
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:23,831
You should tell him your side of the story,
315
00:12:23,863 --> 00:12:27,064
and then tonight, while I am
lying next next to him naked
316
00:12:27,093 --> 00:12:30,595
in the glow of beeswax
candles, I'll tell him mine.
317
00:12:34,953 --> 00:12:37,353
- Hey, honey?
- Oh, hey.
318
00:12:37,383 --> 00:12:40,951
What's wet, angry, and looks
really funny in a helmet? What?
319
00:12:40,980 --> 00:12:43,281
You on a raft trip.
320
00:12:43,312 --> 00:12:45,012
This is gonna be great.
321
00:12:45,043 --> 00:12:46,109
Still have to run the race, Mike.
322
00:12:46,142 --> 00:12:47,375
You have to run the race.
323
00:12:47,408 --> 00:12:49,775
With Eve on my team, I
can pretty much saunter...
324
00:12:49,805 --> 00:12:51,071
Till I get tired.
325
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,970
Then I can mosey on to the finish line.
326
00:12:53,002 --> 00:12:56,603
Well, whatever happens,
I am really proud of Eve
327
00:12:56,632 --> 00:12:58,331
and the way she stuck to her principles.
328
00:12:58,364 --> 00:12:59,630
Yeah, we raised a good one there.
329
00:12:59,662 --> 00:13:00,761
Three good ones.
330
00:13:00,794 --> 00:13:03,495
Let's not muddy the water.
331
00:13:03,526 --> 00:13:07,461
Her talking about right, wrong, and
honor was, uh, really quite inspiring.
332
00:13:07,488 --> 00:13:08,587
Yeah, it really was.
333
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:10,453
You know, I don't know about you,
334
00:13:10,485 --> 00:13:12,986
but for me, it kind of
makes our silly squabble
335
00:13:13,016 --> 00:13:15,149
about this whole race seem meaningless.
336
00:13:15,181 --> 00:13:16,680
I'm not letting you out of the bet.
337
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,379
Damn it.
338
00:13:19,309 --> 00:13:20,949
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You got to get dressed.
339
00:13:20,976 --> 00:13:21,975
We're leaving right now.
340
00:13:22,008 --> 00:13:23,541
I didn't get in.
341
00:13:23,573 --> 00:13:24,572
No, no, no, honey.
342
00:13:24,605 --> 00:13:26,338
Your dad registered you for the race.
343
00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:28,470
No, I didn't get in to West Point.
344
00:13:28,502 --> 00:13:31,102
I logged onto the website. I didn't get in.
345
00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:49,350
Hey. Are you all right?
346
00:13:49,382 --> 00:13:51,215
I'm fine.
347
00:13:51,246 --> 00:13:52,445
You want to talk about this?
348
00:13:52,479 --> 00:13:53,411
No.
349
00:13:53,444 --> 00:13:55,811
You want some ice cream?
350
00:13:55,842 --> 00:13:57,942
I'm not going to West Point, mom.
351
00:13:57,973 --> 00:14:00,374
The whole plan for my entire life is gone.
352
00:14:00,404 --> 00:14:02,838
Ice cream isn't gonna make me feel better.
353
00:14:02,869 --> 00:14:04,335
Cake?
354
00:14:05,634 --> 00:14:08,034
Let's just stop the dessert talk, can we?
355
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:09,597
Come on. Come on. We're Baxters.
356
00:14:09,629 --> 00:14:10,895
We can get through this.
357
00:14:10,928 --> 00:14:12,461
Yeah, yeah, who's with me?
358
00:14:12,492 --> 00:14:13,691
I'm not. Nobody's with you.
359
00:14:13,725 --> 00:14:15,424
And... and please
don't ask her right now.
360
00:14:15,456 --> 00:14:16,822
I just don't want her to feel bad.
361
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,290
Evie, Evie, 91% of applicants
to West Point don't get in.
362
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:20,553
Is that supposed to help?
363
00:14:20,585 --> 00:14:22,919
I've been beating those
numbers my whole life.
364
00:14:23,948 --> 00:14:25,815
I know. I know. I'm so sorry.
365
00:14:25,846 --> 00:14:27,079
No, you're not, mom.
366
00:14:27,112 --> 00:14:28,812
You never wanted me to
be in the military anyway.
367
00:14:28,844 --> 00:14:30,544
So, congratulations. You got your wish.
368
00:14:30,575 --> 00:14:31,674
Listen, Eve, I know you're upset,
369
00:14:31,708 --> 00:14:33,040
but please don't take
this out on your mother.
370
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:34,038
Oh, you're right, dad.
371
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,239
I should be taking it out on you.
372
00:14:35,271 --> 00:14:37,938
Now you're just attacking
anybody who talks.
373
00:14:37,969 --> 00:14:40,970
My whole life, you said if I worked
hard and played by the rules
374
00:14:40,999 --> 00:14:42,298
that everything would be okay.
375
00:14:42,331 --> 00:14:43,864
But it's not. It was all a lie.
376
00:14:43,896 --> 00:14:45,376
Oh, no, no. Hold on, sweetie it's...
377
00:14:45,395 --> 00:14:46,494
It's all right. It's all right.
378
00:14:46,527 --> 00:14:48,060
The world doesn't work
the way you said it does.
379
00:14:48,093 --> 00:14:49,392
So what the hell am I supposed to do now?
380
00:14:49,425 --> 00:14:50,757
I don't know, but we'll think of something.
381
00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:53,189
- It's gonna be okay.
- No, it's not.
382
00:14:53,221 --> 00:14:55,154
Eve, you have other options. It...
383
00:14:55,185 --> 00:14:58,086
Mom, I really don't want to
talk about this right now.
384
00:14:59,182 --> 00:15:01,816
Come on. Come on.
385
00:15:01,846 --> 00:15:04,246
Give her some time.
386
00:15:09,105 --> 00:15:11,873
How could she think I'm happy about this?
387
00:15:11,903 --> 00:15:13,870
I mean, I know I was scared
for her to be a soldier,
388
00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:16,701
but I would give anything right now,
anything, if they would let her in.
389
00:15:16,731 --> 00:15:18,264
Honey, she's just upset, okay?
390
00:15:18,297 --> 00:15:19,596
Yeah, but honey, so are we.
391
00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:21,628
I mean... I mean I just
want to comfort her.
392
00:15:21,660 --> 00:15:23,026
She won't let us comfort her.
393
00:15:23,059 --> 00:15:25,059
I just want us all to
be miserable together.
394
00:15:26,489 --> 00:15:29,089
Well, that dream is going to have to wait.
395
00:15:30,585 --> 00:15:32,218
How are you keeping it together?
396
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:33,883
I'm not keeping it together.
397
00:15:33,915 --> 00:15:35,881
I'm angry, and I feel so helpless.
398
00:15:35,914 --> 00:15:37,713
Someone's... I feel like
they're hurting our kid.
399
00:15:37,745 --> 00:15:39,278
I hate feeling like that.
400
00:15:39,310 --> 00:15:42,311
Mike, squeezing a little tight.
401
00:15:45,204 --> 00:15:46,136
So what do we do?
402
00:15:46,171 --> 00:15:47,670
We don't do anything.
403
00:15:47,702 --> 00:15:50,336
This is something only time can heal.
404
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,166
This really, really sucks.
405
00:15:52,197 --> 00:15:54,664
This really sucks.
406
00:15:57,326 --> 00:15:58,726
Maybe we could get her a puppy.
407
00:16:00,790 --> 00:16:02,422
She doesn't want a dog.
408
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:05,386
I mean, I could use a puppy.
409
00:16:05,418 --> 00:16:07,819
I'm not getting you a puppy.
410
00:16:08,748 --> 00:16:09,747
Bunny?
411
00:16:17,007 --> 00:16:19,407
Ed? You... you wanted to see me?
412
00:16:19,439 --> 00:16:21,038
Yes, come in, Kristin. Yeah.
413
00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:24,004
I just want to check and see
how things are going with Wendi.
414
00:16:24,034 --> 00:16:27,770
- Well, uh...
- Enough said. Fire her.
415
00:16:27,797 --> 00:16:29,096
Excuse me?
416
00:16:29,130 --> 00:16:31,497
You heard me. Give her the boot.
417
00:16:32,493 --> 00:16:35,026
She's up here constantly.
418
00:16:35,057 --> 00:16:36,523
I can't get any work done.
419
00:16:36,554 --> 00:16:37,553
I'm... I'm sorry, Ed.
420
00:16:37,588 --> 00:16:40,422
I-I don't really feel comfortable
firing your girlfriend.
421
00:16:40,451 --> 00:16:42,051
Now, look. Eddie, you in there?
422
00:16:42,083 --> 00:16:43,950
Yes. Come in, sweetheart.
423
00:16:44,014 --> 00:16:45,414
You're right. I'll take care of it.
424
00:16:45,447 --> 00:16:46,813
I'll take care of it.
425
00:16:47,845 --> 00:16:51,346
What do you mean, Wendi's not working out?
426
00:16:51,374 --> 00:16:53,141
Y-you want me to fire her?
427
00:16:53,172 --> 00:16:54,071
You want to fire me?
428
00:16:54,105 --> 00:16:58,407
No, I-I wh... I-I just... she said she
won't take your crap another minute.
429
00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,767
Kristin, is that true?
430
00:16:59,799 --> 00:17:02,066
You know, I'm trying to defend
you, but she won't budge.
431
00:17:03,130 --> 00:17:05,697
Uh, yeah, Wendi.
432
00:17:05,728 --> 00:17:08,295
Uh, it looks like we're
gonna have to let you go.
433
00:17:09,324 --> 00:17:11,791
Won't you give her one more chance?
434
00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:12,787
Ed...
435
00:17:12,821 --> 00:17:14,554
Of course not. Your mind is made up.
436
00:17:14,585 --> 00:17:17,820
You Baxters are stubborn people.
437
00:17:17,849 --> 00:17:19,615
So, that's it? I'm fired?
438
00:17:19,648 --> 00:17:21,047
I'm sorry, darling.
439
00:17:21,079 --> 00:17:22,411
We'll just gather up your things.
440
00:17:22,445 --> 00:17:24,278
I'll talk to you later.
Go ahead. All right.
441
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:26,010
I have a few choice
words that I want to share
442
00:17:26,041 --> 00:17:27,607
with my restaurant manager here. Okay.
443
00:17:31,769 --> 00:17:32,902
That was painless.
444
00:17:32,935 --> 00:17:34,935
Maybe for you.
445
00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:36,366
She's gonna hate me now!
446
00:17:36,397 --> 00:17:37,930
Yeah, well, thank you,
447
00:17:37,962 --> 00:17:39,896
but I'm the one who's gonna
have to hear about it later.
448
00:17:39,928 --> 00:17:41,895
I mean, who do you think's
the real victim here?
449
00:17:42,992 --> 00:17:45,759
Me, Ed. It's still me.
450
00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:49,631
Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man.
451
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:52,463
What's the most painful
feeling in the world
452
00:18:52,492 --> 00:18:55,526
other than sliding off the seat
of your schwinn onto that bar?
453
00:18:57,188 --> 00:19:00,990
Seeing your kids hurting and not
being able to do anything about it.
454
00:19:01,017 --> 00:19:03,150
My instinct is to try
to control everything,
455
00:19:03,182 --> 00:19:06,249
you know, preferably
with a universal remote,
456
00:19:06,278 --> 00:19:09,179
but there's no fast-forward button
when your kid is suffering.
457
00:19:09,209 --> 00:19:12,410
You've got to watch it
real time, like hulu.
458
00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,774
Now we ask God to grant
us the serenity to accept
459
00:19:15,804 --> 00:19:17,604
the things we cannot change.
460
00:19:17,635 --> 00:19:19,001
Then we take his name in vain
461
00:19:19,033 --> 00:19:21,834
when the guy in front of us
stops short at a yellow light...
462
00:19:21,864 --> 00:19:26,167
Come on. Everyone knows
yellow means punch it!
463
00:19:26,193 --> 00:19:28,694
Now, accepting our powerlessness is tough,
464
00:19:28,724 --> 00:19:32,059
and it's especially brutal when
it comes to protecting our kids,
465
00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:34,254
but those are the times you
have to take a deep breath,
466
00:19:34,285 --> 00:19:37,119
trust in God, and not do anything stupid.
467
00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:39,016
If you're determined to do something stupid
468
00:19:39,048 --> 00:19:42,983
there's a difference
between drywall and a stud.
469
00:19:52,701 --> 00:19:55,001
What? I don't know.
470
00:19:55,031 --> 00:19:56,798
Look who's getting along.
471
00:19:58,162 --> 00:20:00,562
Ah, well, I'm glad you
two patched things up.
472
00:20:00,594 --> 00:20:01,559
Yeah. Oh, Eddie.
473
00:20:01,593 --> 00:20:04,227
Women are not vindictive and petty.
474
00:20:04,257 --> 00:20:05,490
No, of course not.
475
00:20:05,522 --> 00:20:08,089
That has not been my experience at all.
476
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:10,787
So what, uh...
what brings you by?
477
00:20:10,851 --> 00:20:13,551
Apparently, I don't
need a reason to come by.
478
00:20:13,581 --> 00:20:14,980
That's what I told her.
479
00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:16,480
I felt so awful about what I did.
480
00:20:16,511 --> 00:20:20,313
I mean, here you are, just trying to
spend some more time with your soulmate,
481
00:20:20,341 --> 00:20:23,109
and I wrecked it by firing her.
482
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:25,339
You did what you felt you had to do,
483
00:20:25,370 --> 00:20:27,436
so let's not second-guess
this thing, all right?
484
00:20:27,468 --> 00:20:30,969
I-I just... I felt bad
because you're always talking
485
00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:33,665
about how... how lonely
this big office is.
486
00:20:34,694 --> 00:20:35,860
Where you going with this?
487
00:20:35,892 --> 00:20:39,961
So I told Wendi that you guys could
actually spend more time together
488
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:43,023
now that she's not slaving
away in the restaurant.
489
00:20:44,052 --> 00:20:45,685
What is that, now?
490
00:20:45,751 --> 00:20:49,086
We are gonna make this
office more like a home...
491
00:20:49,114 --> 00:20:55,719
like our home, and the first order of
business is to get rid of all this... stuff.
492
00:20:57,632 --> 00:20:59,632
Now, that was painless.
493
00:20:59,682 --> 00:21:04,232
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