All language subtitles for Last Man Standing s05e07 The Dad Hat.eng

The Parachute Adams is your classic fly.

Now, the key is to stack your
calf body hair to make your post.

See, Boyd? This is why I
prefer to just shoot fish.

Can we?

No, we're not gonna shoot any fish.

You're not helping.

I'm trying to teach
you about patience here.

Well, then, get to it!

I don't like being patient.

Nobody does. It's a learned skill.

What do we call people that
go willy-nilly through life,

just doing things because it feels good?

Democrats.

Attaboy.

Hey, Kyle, found your phone.

Oh, thanks. I knew I left it in your car.

Ooh, I have eight text messages.

Oh, t-those are from me. Don't read that.

"Good night, Kyle."

"I said, 'good night, Kyle.'"

"where are you, Kyle?"

"Are you with that girl
who lives across the hall?"

"If you're not with that girl, text me."

"I knew it! You bastard!"

"Oops, I just found your phone.
L.O.L. I love you."

Wow. That was the worst fight we ever had.

Kyle, for Wendi.

Okay.

I'm hoping this week is the week.

I thought you and Wendi broke up.

Oh, they did.

She wants nothing to do with him.

Yeah, but he sends her flowers every week

in a desperate attempt to win her back.

Thank you, Kyle.

But, um, if Wendi isn't interested,
why do you keep sending her flowers?

I'm hoping she'll come to her senses
and want to get back together again.

I can help you, Ed.

I have some experience as a love doctor,

and, um...

All right.

...I'm willing to make
a house call to Wendi.

All right, then have at it.

But be careful. She's a biter.

God, I miss that about her.

Slow down.

Is that really true?

Yep. They just float to the top,
and you scoop them up with a net.

We're not fishing with hand grenades.

(Knock on door) Come in.

Oh, I am sorry. Mike,
you got a second? Yeah.

Go get the rest of the fishing gear.

Fishing gear... no weapons.

Now I understand why
people drink when they fish.

What's up, Ed?

Dallas. We've got a problem.

(Chuckles)

It's actually "Houston, we got a problem."

But, uh, nobody says that anymore.

The manager of our Dallas store

just fired the consultant
of our Outdoor Man Grill.

Another one?

What, are they throwing these guys
up in the air and going, "pull"?

That store opens in a month.

We need to get the right person in there.

I need you to please fly
to Dallas and hire somebody.

That's my anniversary.
Vanessa's gonna hate that.

Oh, I'm sorry, but what better gift

to give the lady who spent 30
years with you than your absence?

Our marriage works because Vanessa
likes spending time with me.

I probably lost you on that
"our marriage works" part.

You never had me.

But, uh, you're going to Dallas.

Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com

Hey! Ooh!

How was fishing?

It was all right. I caught a nap this big.

Your mom's gonna be here pretty soon.

You've got to go wash up, okay?

Do I have to?

You pick your nose with
those dirty fingers,

worms will lay eggs in your brain.

I don't pick my nose.

Well, then, you have nothing
to worry about, do you?

Ooh!

(Laughs)

Did you get my text?

No.

Ed wants me to go to Dallas this weekend.

What? It's our anniversary.

Has it been a year since
I forget it last year?

What is going on in Dallas?

They fired one of our consultants...

another one... that we're
doing for the Outdoor Man Grill.

That guy is Texas toast.

The man lost his job, Vanessa.

Sorry. (Chuckles)

Uh, so, what, you're gonna
just hire somebody else?

Well, we figure if I go down there,

the manager will try a
little harder to play ball.

Or run me over in his 4x4.

Kind of a hard guy to read.

Hi, guys.

Hi, sweetie.

How'd my little fisherman do?

You know, if he'd stop screaming
every time he saw a fish,

we might actually catch one.

I'm going to check flights to Dallas.

Okay.

Flights? What's going on?

Well, there is a problem
with the restaurant in Dallas.

Oh, man, I should have said,
"Dallas, we have a problem."

Please tell me they
fired another consultant.

A man lost his job, Kristin.

Sorry.

No, what I mean is, dad should
hire me as the consultant.

Look what I've done with the
Denver Grill. Well, I don't know.

I mean, your dad said it's
a real mess down there.

Yeah, I know, I know. I've heard, okay?

But that is not gonna stop me.

But Outdoor Man has 20 stores.

If I can open the place in Dallas,

maybe I can open a
restaurant in every branch.

Well, it would certainly be
a big step for your career.

And dad has shown so much faith in me,
and I would love to help him with this.

This could be huge!

I'm so excited! My baby going to Texas!

Aw!

Oh! (Laughs)

Dallas, we do not have a problem.

Are you sure you're ready for this?

Kyle, I'm a love doctor. It's a real thing.

(Doorbell rings)

This is usually when Wendi
yells, "go away, Kyle."

My self-esteem takes a huge hit.

But then the mailman walks
by and says, "good morning,"

like he really wants me to have one.

That helps.

(Doorbell rings)

You opened the door.

This is great for my self-esteem.

Save it, Kyle.

I only opened the door
because I saw Mandy out here,

and I was worried that something
might have happened to Ed.

Something did happen, Ms. Grayson.

Somebody broke his heart.

But it wasn't a heart attack.

- No.
- Okay, bye.

No, wait! Listen.

At least take the flowers.

Ed went to a lot of trouble
handing them to Kyle.

If he would have paid this
kind of attention to me

when we were together, we
might still be together.

You need to give him a chance to explain.

Look, it's obvious you still love him.

You came to the door because
you were worried about him.

(Chuckles) Yeah. I'm a human being.

He's okay, right?

I mean, you can't go by what he says.

You got to look him over.

Just have dinner with him.

I can tell he has deep feelings for you.

You can see it in his eyes.

It's really strong in his good eye.

What?

All right, if having dinner with him
will stop this cavalcade of flowers,

I guess I can do it.

Great. And that leaves you all
day to work on that attitude.

Let's go, Mandy.

Remember, Mr. Alzate said she's a biter.

Hey. Read my mind.

Oh, one's for you.

Well, you almost read my mind.

(Chuckles) You busy?

I'm a very important guy,
Kris. I'm always busy.

What can I do for you?

I heard you need to hire a new
consultant for the Grill in Dallas.

I have the perfect candidate.

You know Chuck Norris?

It's me.

Oh.

Kind of a letdown after
the Chuck Norris thing.

Um, you know, honey, I don't
think that's a very good idea.

What? Why not? Come on!

I can handle some Texas good ol' boys.

These aren't good ol' boys.
These are Texas bad ol' boys.

You heard the term "sweating bullets"?

They actually sweat bullets.

I know it's going to be tough.

But I am ready for this challenge, dad.

Come on. Give me a shot.

I appreciate you trying to help me out,
but I'm not gonna send my little girl

into that wood chipper.

I am not your little girl anymore.

You don't have to hold my hand.

Look, you're not going down there.

That's it.

Who's saying this...
m-my boss or my dad?

Because my boss would let me go down
there and try and prove myself.

But I-I don't think he can, because
my dad is trying to protect me.

He sounds like a terrible guy, your dad.

Well, if you are not gonna let
me take chances in my career,

it's gonna hold me back.

Sometimes, I wish that you were my dad
or my boss, but, you know, not both.

Yeah?

Sometimes I wish you were my daughter
or a pain in the ass, not both.

I understand, Kristin.

Of course you're upset.

All right. I love you, too.

You, uh... you want me to
give your love to your father?

All right, I will anyway.

I just don't understand you.

If you'd had the guts to
say that to the gardener,

we'd still have that hedge out front.

Kristin could do a good job in Dallas!

She's an intelligent,
creative, capable woman.

Just like her mother.

Oh, no, no, no.

You're not gonna get out
of this by complimenting me.

Why? You look great when
you're all steamed up?

(Sighs)

(Laughing) Stop, stop.

Now, wait, hey.

My point is, it is hard enough
for women to get ahead.

You can't hold Kristin back

just because you're her dad
and you want to protect her.

If I weren't her dad, she would have
been fired maybe eight months ago.

What? Why?

You're always saying
she's doing a great job.

Yeah, as the manager.

But putting together a
restaurant's more complicated.

She dropped a lot of
balls I had to pick up.

Well, she didn't tell me that.

She didn't tell you that
'cause I never told her that.

Well, since when are you so
shy about telling the truth?

I mean, there's a reason
why I never ask you

if I look fat in my skinny jeans.

Because you make every pair of
jeans look like skinny jeans.

(Laughing) Just stop.

Look, all I'm saying is
you are always telling me

how the kids need to
learn to take their lumps.

Yeah, but in Kris' case, I thought
she'd taken enough lumps.

And she was just getting
her confidence back,

and I didn't want to
take that away from her.

You're a good dad.

I know, but does that make me a lousy boss?

The thing with Mike the boss and
Mike the dad and Mike the person

is he's always talking straight to people.

And then he lets them
make their own choices.

Yeah, Mike's a terrific guy, isn't he?

Yeah.

Is that all you got out of that?

I'll call Kris.

Good. Ah! Okay.

You can compliment me more now if you want.

You know, I don't like to waste it
unless you're really mad at me.

Hey, check it out.

Wow!

Yeah. Mr. Alzate wore this
suit in his third wedding.

Like my third wife, it's
beautiful and expensive.

The difference is, I get to
take it to the cleaners.

Okay, uh...

Something's missing.

What is it, what is it?

Oh, Kyle, you're gonna kill me.

Flowers.

Oh, no worries.

I love getting flowers for other people.

And I don't care that
nobody ever gets me flowers.

But if they did...
hint, hint... daffodils.

Kyle, flowers.

Okay.

All right. I tried to make
it as romantic as possible,

but it's a little hard
with all the dead animals.

(Laughs) You've done great.

The important thing is
that I get to tell Wendi

how I truly feel and give her this.

Oh! That's so...

Ordinary.

This is a special swan, Mandy.

Yeah, we saw it at a flea market in New
Mexico when we were deeply in love.

She admired it, so when she
wasn't looking, I bought it.

I was going to give it
to her for her birthday,

and then she... she
broke up with me.

And tonight, you're
finally giving it to her.

That's so sweet.

I'm gonna smash it right
in front of her smug face.

Uh... Come again?

Well, she broke my heart,
so I'm gonna woo her back

and break hers like a cheap glass swan.

That's terrible! No wonder she bit you!

I've been plotting this for months.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I did all of this so you
two could patch things up.

And I can't thank you enough, Mandy.

Listen, Ed, I have a
confession to make, okay?

I am not actually a doctor.

Oh.

But I do know love, and I can
see that you still love Wendi.

It's... it's just an ember now,

but if you fan it, you
can turn it into a flame.

Well, your work is done now, Mandy.

I'll take it from here.

I'm not gonna let this
happen. I'm gonna tell her.

That's very brave of you,
knowing I spend months

plotting revenge against
people who wrong me.

Hello, Eddie.

Hi, Wendi.

Come in, please.

Everything looks so beautiful.

Well, thanks to Mandy.

She wants to make sure we
have the perfect evening.

Don't you, Mandy?

Yes.

But if one of the dishes
is cold, it's not my fault.

What the hell are you doing?

Oh, I'm making a bouquet for
Mr. Alzate to give to Wendi.

I'm trying to pick flowers
that say "take me back."

You know what these flowers
are saying right now?

"Put me back or you're fired."

Hey, Kris, can I talk to you for a minute?

Uh, absolutely, Mr. Baxter.

But, uh, I think "Kris"

is a little familiar for the workplace.

From now on, I would
prefer "Mrs. Vogelson."

Yeah. It's smart to pick the
name they call you at work.

If you leave it up to
them, you will not be happy.

We are having a conversation, bonehead.

(Chuckles) I picked that one.

I found the others to
be, uh, a bit pejorative.

Listen, I know it's hard to separate

your role as my boss from
your role as my father,

so I'm just trying to make it easier.

All right, kid, I
understand what you're doing,

but can you go with something
else besides "Mrs. Vogelson"?

That sounds like bad fish sticks.

The important thing is, from now on at
work, I am no longer your daughter.

Okay. Got it.

But right now I want to put my dad hat on.

You're the boss, Mr. Baxter.

Not Mr. Baxter. I'm your dad right now.

And as your dad, I do want to encourage
you to push yourself, to take risks.

So if you really think you can do this
job in Dallas, I say you go for it.

Are you serious?

Yes, absolutely.

Oh, my God!

Dad, that's... that's fantastic!

Oh, no. No hugs.

I-I just put my boss hat on.

And if you'll notice, I have got
it turned around to look younger.

And as your boss, I want to let you know
that when you set up this restaurant,

you made some mistakes
that I had to cover for.

I never heard about that.

That's generally what
they mean by "covered for."

Kristin, you missed a bunch of deadlines.

You didn't return calls. You
pissed off the inspectors.

They pissed me off.

Right, they piss everybody
off. They're inspectors.

Do you know how I handle them?

I'm nice.

Do you have any idea how
hard it is for me to be nice?

(Chuckles)

I'm getting a little picture right now.

If I did such a bad job,
why don't you just tell me.

Well, I was trying to be nice.

And do you realize how hard
it is for me to be nice?

So you're afraid that I'm going to
make the same mistakes in Dallas?

You go down there, and you mess
up, they're gonna fire you,

and there's no hat I can
put on that will help you.

I understand.

Can I think about it?

I want you to think about it.

Then I want an answer from you as
soon as possible, Mrs. Vogelson.

I hear laughter.

It sounds like they're having a good time.

Are you sure Mr. Alzate's
secretly the devil?

I don't know. He could just be a helper.

Like the Santa thing.

I don't know.

I think Mr. Alzate's a good man.

He wouldn't hurt anybody on purpose.

Except for that time he threw
me off a raft for whistling.

(Both laughing)

Nobody could ever make me
laugh the way you do, Eddie.

Well, I keep a joke book in the john.

(Laughs)

I spend a lot more time there these days.

Oh, I love it when you flirt with me.

I have something for you.

Is that from New Mexico?

Yep.

You bought that for me?

I didn't think you were paying
attention when I pointed it out.

You were so busy saying,

"if this is New Mexico, I'd
hate to see the old one."

(Laughs) I remember that.

And now I'm going to...

Wait.

You're not gonna believe this.

I got you something too.

Come on.

This is from that same flea market.

(Laughing) Yeah.

I knew you wanted it.

You couldn't stop playing with it.

Well...

Well, who could?

Clothes on...

Clothes off.

Come on. This is the greatest thing ever.

(Laughs)

(Chuckling) Look at that.

Oh, look at the two of us getting along.

I miss this.

It makes me wonder why we ever stopped.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, I remember.

Yeah, you dumped me.

Well, I'd really like
to give it another try.

What do you think?

I'll tell you what I think.

(Glass shatters)

(Gasps) He broke the swan!

This is worse than the raft.

Ed, I can't believe you...

you're kissing.

(Clears throat)

I can't help it. My embers got fanned.

This one came leaping across the table.

Look, we broke a wine glass.

Aw! I'm sorry. I thought...

wait, look. Look what Eddie got me.

(Gasps) That's so... Beautiful.

I know.

Look, a lady in a bathing suit.

Oh. I'm sorry, ma'am.

(Knock on door) Come on in.

Okay. That's great. Thanks.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure. Which hat are you wearing?

The daughter hat or the employee hat?

I am wearing my daughter shoes.

I don't look so good in hats.

I always have time for my kid.

Just take an hour off your time card.

I was all set to tell you how unfair it was

that you hid my screw-ups
when we were opening the Grill.

But I realized that anybody
else would have been fired.

So here's my resignation letter.

Are you resigning as my daughter
or my restaurant manager,

'cause I'm getting very confused.

You gave me the shot and you helped me out

'cause you're my dad,
and I love you for it.

But from now on, I want to
succeed because I've earned it.

You don't have to do this.
You're doing a great job.

I don't want this.

Yeah, I know. You're gonna need to take it.

'Cause I'm putting on
my business shoes now.

I would like to submit my r?sum? for
the newly vacated manager's job

you have here at the Grill.

Look at that. It's a real r?sum?.

You really like your symbolism, don't you?

I think you will find that
I am more than qualified.

And I'm sure my old boss
would give a recommendation.

The guy loves to hear himself talk.

Does this mean your new boss can
still hug you when the night's over?

Ooh, as long as he does it
with the other employees.

I think that'll make Kyle very happy.

Welcome back.

Okay.

Hey, but, dad, I want you to know

that the next Grill that
opens, I'm gonna want a shot.

If you think I'm ready.

I think Dallas is just the beginning.

I think there's a lot of cities out
there just clamoring for weird meat.

Ed: Mikey.

I want you to be the first to know.

Wendi and I are back together again.

You're gonna be seeing
a lot more of me, Mike.

Joke's on you.

I was just about to poke out my own eyes.

Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man.

Not him... me.

You know, when George Mallory was asked

why he wanted to climb Mount Everest,

he said, "because it's there."

And the reporter must have said,

"thank you, sir, but I-I
have a whole column to fill."

Whether it's a mountain or outer
space or a job promotion,

our human spirit has always
pushed us towards greatness.

It's why we have air travel, the Internet,

and in Cawker, Kansas, an
18,000-pound ball of twine.

(Chuckles) Take that, China.

Wow.

We want to teach our kids to go for it,

but too much ambition can be dangerous.

Just ask George Mallory's widow.

The tough balance for any parent

is providing a harness
to keep our kids safe

without taking away the
victory of the climb.

Now, all we can do as parents

is give them enough information
to make smart decisions

and outfit them in the same equipment

that this handsome stud uses.

"Mike Baxter: Rogue Nation".

Like Tom Cruise, I do all my own stunts.

I use Outdoor Man climbing gear.

Works for me, it'll work for your family.

If it doesn't, we also sell some
pretty amazing first aid kits.

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