All language subtitles for Last Man Standing s05e03 Ping-Pong.eng

Oof. I need more java.

The shakes give my fashion
designs a little extra pizzazz.

Ooh.

A certain je ne sais "quoi-fee."

I don't get it.

It's worse when you do.

You've been working really hard since
you got back from New York, Mandy.

Yeah, well, I got to prove

that everything Donna Karan
said about me was wrong.

Except for when she said, "if
nothing else, you're pretty."

That was really sweet.

You don't even know when
someone's insulting you.

You're amazing.

Thank you.

Lot of mail today, folks.

Oh, anything for me?

Just the usual six pounds
of women's pajama catalogs.

Say goodbye to the rainforest.

You women just have to
look good while you sleep.

Oh, come on. You get catalogs for men.

Yeah? Bed, bath & bullets?

Crate & bullets? Which one?

Ooh. So cute.

- Ooh, silk.
- So copying this pattern.

- Or these.
- So cozy.

- So ordering.
- So sad.

Well, Eve, we got our
raft-trip information.

Now maybe that kid with the
banjo will learn a new song.

- Hells yeah! Up top.
- Up top.

What are you guys doing?

Just the awesome dad-daughter
whitewater senior year spectacular.

Just the awesome dad-daughter
Whitewater senior year spectacular.

No bigs.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You took Kristin on that.

Even though she was pregnant.

Well, my grandson is sharp as a tack.

Apparently, all that jostling
in utero made his mind sharp.

Another Baxter family tradition,
like going to church every Sunday

and watching dad do that
open-eye sleep thing.

Amen! Amen, everybody.

You know, that rafting trip is not a
tradition if not everybody went on one.

Uh-huh.

I asked her senior year.
I'm sure you were sooo busy.

Actually, you never offered.

What?!

Mom, I wouldn't have gone anyway.

I'm not really into rafting.

I mean, look at me, people. Why would I be?

Wow.

Hillary Clinton's asking us for money.

Will her string of mistakes never end?

The hits keep on coming, but
she'll never top benghazi.

That's her "stairway to heaven."

Yeah, that's the kind
of screw-ups that happen

when you spend all your
free time deleting e-mails.

(Whimpering)

It's not a mistake. I donated to Hillary.

I think it's time.

Well, I think it's time to pierce
my broken heart with this knife.

Mom, I know you love the show "Scandal,"

but do you really want to watch
it every night for four years?

Yes, I do.

And every night, I will be in
a different pair of pajamas.

What would I do without Eve?

Well, you're never gonna
have to worry about Eve.

You two will always be talking politics,
going to games, shooting guns.

The real question is, what
are you gonna do with Mandy?

Sounds like I'll be kind of busy.

You know, Mandy's gonna be gone soon,

and if you don't have something in common,

she's just gonna become a holiday child.

- A holiday child?
- Yeah.

You know, one of those kids
you just see on the holidays?

Like the baby Jesus.

You need to find stuff to do with Mandy.

I think I know what I'm talking about.

You used to know what
you were talking about.

This letter ruins your credibility.

Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen
www.addic7ed.com

Give me one reason... one reason.

I just think it's time.

Ed, if you were putting money in the
election, who would you bet on?

My streak of backing losers is over, Mike.

Bobby Jindal all the way.

Oh, there's money well-spent.

Hey, I was just looking
through the security footage.

Did you guys know Kyle sneaks in
at night and stocks the shelves?

Kid's got a problem with
breaking and organizing.

Thanks, Chuck.

How's your boy doing at Florida State?

Oh, I haven't talked to Grant in a while.

Wow. If I knew that's all it took not
to talk to you, I'd move to Florida.

But we text all the time.

Last night, they had
pizza in the dining hall.

He was fired up.
Look at all those emoticons.

Oh, it's so good to be a parent these days.

So much easier to stay connected
with all that technology.

Exactly.

Every time I post on Facebook, my four
daughters like the hell out of it.

Yeah, that's good.

Except you have five daughters, Ed.

If you count Maria.

I like to count all my kids.

She and I never had that much in common.

Yeah, but you see her on holidays.

Oh, I guess we drifted apart.

Holidays?

I haven't heard from Maria in 10 years.

Hey! My boy's having tacos for lunch!

All right. Let's go.

Okay. Gun range or batting cage?

You know what? Actually, just surprise me.

- No, actually, I'm talking to your sister.
- Huh?

Why?

Am I in trouble?

No, no.

I just thought it would be a great
day for dad to take his fav...

one of his favorite daughters out.

Um, I can't, dad.

I actually have a lot of sewing to do.

Well, have your mom do it.

She's always looking for
extra chores to do around here.

Or is that just the opposite?

Okay, wait.

I think the way everyone
wins is I go, we have fun,

and Mandy stays here and does
whatever it is she does. All right.

I like Eve's thing.

Listen, listen, but this
is really about you and I.

Let's just go do something together.

Uh, we... let's go to a movie.

Seen it.

- I haven't told you which one.
- Seen all of them.

All right, we can do anything.
Anything you want to do.

Can we go to Paris?!

I don't think mom knows
what I'm dealing with here.

Hey, Evie, is your dad here?

- He's on his way to Paris.
- Good.

Uh, listen.

I wanted to talk to you about your
reaction to my political donation.

Look, I still love you.

Are we cool?

Sit.

Ugh, fine.

Evie, look.

For the first time in the
history of this country,

the president might not be a man.

I mean, think about that.

There's never been a more
exciting time to be a woman.

It's always an exciting time to be a woman.

That's why we're always so happy.

No, come on.

Electing a woman now would
really mean something.

- I just don't think Hillary's that strong.
- What?

I feel like congress could cheat on
her, and she'd just look the other way.

I mean, do you even agree
with any of her positions?

It doesn't matter. I
would vote for any woman.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

So, like, Mrs. Hitler? Mrs. Stalin?

I think it's safe to say
that they would have done

a better job than their husbands.

What I mean is I would vote for any woman

with the necessary experience
and a real shot, like Hillary.

Whatever. Support who you want.

It's a free country.

Thanks to the army bill did
such a good job dodging.

But he got to be president, and even
though Hillary got better grades

at Yale law school.

Yeah, and that's probably
the only time he didn't cheat.

Mom?!

All I can say is, you're welcome.

We went to the mall!
And we had the best time!

You, uh...

You here to audition for One Direction?

Haters are gonna hate. Peace out.

Hi.

- Hey.
- What'd you do?

I wanted to snap some pics.

Oh, I didn't want to
wrinkle those dope threads.

You hated the outfit.

No, no, no, I just wanted
to put it in a safe place,

in the bag where it came
from, next to the receipt.

I may take it for a ride a little later.

Dad, you were the one who
said it was such a big deal

that we spend some time together.

I knew this was a bad idea.

It's not a bad idea, honey. Honey, listen.

We just got to find
something that we both like.

Yeah. Okay.

What about the stuff we
did when you were little?

Uh, we could have a tea party.

We could join the tea party.

Go to the putting green.

We could join the putting green.

Dad, this is dumb. We should just give up.

That's one thing we don't have
in common, is I don't quit.

Yeah, but think about it.

If you did, we'd have something in common.

And then we'd be done.

Evie, look what I found for you.

Hmm. "The feminine mystique."

Mm.

It's a landmark text in women's history.

I read it in high school,
and it changed my life.

Who wrote "Mrs. Tom Selleck" 100 times?

(Knock on door)

Hey, Mr. Larabee.

Ah, hello, nice Baxters.

Hey, Chuck.

What are you doing here?

I got your text.

Oh, right. Right, right, right.

Um, uh, so, so... come in.

I'm in.

Yeah, uh...

What's up?

Vanessa, my dinner's getting cold.
I don't...

All right, all right, all right.

Chuck, um, I-I was just wondering

if you wouldn't mind
explaining to me and Eve

what it was like for you
on election day, 2008.

Oh, it was a great day for the country.

Mm.

But... but specifically,
what was it like for you?

- Well, as an American...
- Mm-hmm.

...I'm always happy when
the best candidate wins.

Of course. We all are.

But... but the
election of 2008

must have had a special resonance for you.

Why?

What my mom is trying to say is

that you must have been
happy because a black guy won.

- See?
- Oh!

No. I was happy because a smart guy won.

A smart, bla... frican American.

A smart American with smart policies.

Yeah, but, Chuck, you
might have voted for him

even if you didn't agree
with his positions, right?

Why would I do that...

vote for someone just because
we had something in common

without taking into
account their positions?

That's ridiculous.

Chuck, your dinner's getting cold.

Yeah.

(Chuckles)

"Bla-frican American."

(Chuckles)

Not cool.

(Sighs)

That didn't go as planned, did it, mom?

Honey, why the hell
don't you care about this?

Because I don't worry about stuff
that happened a million years ago.

The only problem women have is that
they can't let go of the past.

So, you don't think that after 240
years of doing things one way,

it's not time for a change?

Look around, mom.

Our lives, this house, this kitchen...

I mean, the old way seems
to work pretty well for us.

Sweetie, we're more than
just cooks and servants.

We can do more than shop and
clean and bake things and...

(timer dings) Not now, cookies!

Kristin.

- Hey, Ed.
- Hey.

Kris, I, um... I know I
don't always say it.

I just want to tell you how much it means

that... that you
come to me for advice.

Well, thank you.

You're welcome.

I do give pretty great advice, hmm?

Ed?

Mm?

Would you like me to ask you for advice?

Oh, no. No. No, I do not. No.

I love you, Ed, but you're kind
of eating into my break here.

Okay. I-I need some advice.

Oh.

Is it about how to talk to people?

No, no, no.

It's... it's about... it's
about my daughter Maria.

See, we've... well, lost touch.

Part of me wants to fly to Vegas
to make things right with her.

She lives in Cleveland.

I know, but I want to go to Vegas.

Think she'd meet me there?

Um, I think it's nice that you want to fix

your relationship with your daughter.

(Sighs)

We're just so different.

Did you and your dad
always do things together?

(Chuckles) Not in high school.

We had nothing in common.

How about that great
rafting trip you went on?

No. He had to drag me on that.

He wouldn't take "no" for an answer.

Or "I'm pregnant!" For an answer.

Yeah, my pal can be stubborn.

I'm glad he was.

That trip was one of my favorite memories.

Maybe I should have been
more tenacious with Maria,

a little more insistent
that we do things together.

See, the thing about us daughters

is that we can resent our
dads for being overbearing,

but love them for it at the same time.

Well, I'm sure there's one thing
that all dads can appreciate...

it's schizophrenic mixed messages.

I failed as a mother.

Is another one of the girls pregnant?

'Cause if so, just put a pillow
over my head and press really hard.

No, no, no. No one's pregnant.

I just... I can't
explain feminism to Eve.

Well, you probably need a man to do it.

Watch it.

The reason Eve doesn't
see the world that way

is because of the incredible
job you have done as a mother.

What?

With the way you handle yourself, you
almost make being a female an asset.

Almost?

Come on! You know what I'm talking about.

No, not really, I don't.

All these girls see is an incredibly
bright, tough woman who has no limits.

Well, that woman sounds great.

We should get her to talk to Eve.

Mandy: Dad!

Okay, I've been racking my brain
for something we can do together,

and I've finally got it.

All right, I'm...
I'm on board. What?

Remember ping pong Saturdays?
Ping pong Saturdays.

Ping pong! Ping pong!

Ping! Pong!

(Laughing) Hey!

I got to go plan an outfit.

Ooh, maybe something with white polka dots.

You'll never find the ball.

(Laughs)

That's funny. Yeah.

I thought you hated ping pong Saturdays.

I did. I really did.

You know what? You're a good dad.

Want me to help you bring that ping
pong table up from the basement?

No, I'll get it. I'll get it.

Well, you'll kill yourself
if you try to do it alone.

Yeah, I'm banking on it. I'm banking on it.

Whoo! This is bringing back some memories!

Man, I put some beatings
on you back in the day!

(Laughs)

Yeah, you did.

Yeah, I'm surprised you
wanted to play with me again.

You and me both.

(Taps table) Okay.

You remember the rules? You
know, loser buys ice cream.

Yeah. Hope you brought your wallet, loser!

Okay, my serve. All right.

Oh!

Ohh! Man.

You still got that weird serve.

All right, 1 serving zero.

Yeah, a big zero. Ready?

Ah, man!

What are you putting
on that, a little spin?

Dad, come on. What are you doing?

I'm getting my ass kicked
just like I usually do.

Your serve.

I'm not a little kid anymore.
You don't have to let me win.

Yes, I do.

As annoying as you are when you
win, it's worse when you lose.

Excuse me. I'm not gonna lose, old man.

Now, I want you to try for real.

No, you don't.

Yeah, I do!

I'm gonna beat you for real.

No, you aren't.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Are you a chicken?

(Clucking)

What is that? What are you doing?

Playing right-handed. Why?

Because I'm right-handed.

Serve the ball.

All right. Lucky shot.

Yeah.

Like to see you try that again.

Serve again.

All right. I will.

Stop cheating!

It's not cheating.

Yeah. You are.

You're using a left-handed
paddle in your right hand.

That's called cheating.

I'll go left-handed. How about that?

I wasn't ready!

You served.

I hate this game!

That's why I let you win.

Hey, mom, what's up?

Oh, nothing. Nothing.

I'm just catching up on some stuff
that happened a million years ago.

Ancient history.

You know, back in those days, they
would print these books one at a time

using a potato they carved.

Mom, I know we've been
having a disagreement, but...

I really do respect you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe too much.

Too much?

You have a PhD.

You were the vice president
of an energy company.

Those cookies were awesome.

No, I get it.

I'm great. Great, great, great.

You think there's nothing I can't do.

Well, you're not that
great around black people.

My mom was great, too.

She's the first woman in
our family to go to college.

And you will go farther than both of us

because you'll probably
wind up a four-star general.

You seem to be listing good
things in an angry tone.

I don't get what you're
so worried about, mom.

I am worried about your daughter.

My daughter?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I did so well that you think

there's nothing left
for women to fight for.

And since you're doing even better, your
daughter will probably end up losing

some of these things that
we worked so hard to get.

That's not gonna happen.

It could.

What's that you always say in battle?

If you're not advancing...
You're retreating. Yeah.

(Sighs)

All right. I'm all ears, Mrs. Selleck.

What's the matter? You're not eating.

This used to be your favorite
part of ping pong Saturday.

Yeah, that's 'cause I was
celebrating my victories.

I'm only here today 'cause you dragged me.

Yeah, I drag my daughter
out to eat ice cream.

What a monster I've turned into.

Why would you let me think that I was
good at ping pong when I was little?

You always say people
should earn what they get.

Yeah, but maybe you weren't the only
one getting something out of it.

What does that mean?

Maybe I wanted to spend time with you.

And unfortunately, we learned today

when you lose, the games get a lot shorter.

Yeah.

I know. I'm a bad loser.

(Scoffs)

You'd think I'd be better at it with
how much practice I've had lately.

This is still about Donna Karan?

You've got to let that thing go, honey.

I just... I can't believe
I marched into her office

and demanded that she get to know me.

What was I thinking?

It's called taking a big swing.

Yeah, well, I whiffed.

Yeah, but you know what? It took courage.

And the one thing about courage,
you either have it or you don't.

And you have it.

Really?

You came home from New York more
determined than ever, right?

Yeah, I am.

That's right. And you didn't quit.

That's something we have
in common. We don't quit.

Yeah. But that might be the only thing.

Well, it doesn't have to be the only thing.

You want to go rafting?

Oh, my God, no.

But thank you for asking.

Hey. Look at that.

Hey, guys.

Pull up a seat. Sit down.

No, we're gonna grab our own booth.

We have got a lot to discuss.

Yeah, mom and I are actually
gonna take a trip of our own.

Yeah? Mm-hmm.

To Susan B. Anthony's birthplace.

Oh, can we all go?!

Or Peyton Manning's birthplace.

No, no, no, honey. We discussed this.

Uh, mom, I'm a woman
fighting for my rights.

Yeah, no, no. Well, we talked about
this, and it's not gonna be...

Mom, wait.

Still arguing?

Hillary Clinton continues to cause trouble.

46, 12, 28.

What do those numbers mean?

That's my high school locker combination.

Now I remember.

Actually, 46, that was
Richard Nixon's percentage

when he lost the race for
California governor in 1962.

But the dude bounced back.

He became president, opened
China, created the E.P.A.,

and made more recordings
than Frank Sinatra.

12 is the number of book publishers

that rejected Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead."

(Chuckles)

She wound up selling 6.5 million copies.

Now, 28 is the embarrassing
number of interceptions

Peyton Manning threw in his rookie year.

Now he holds virtually
every NFL passing record,

all achieved while not once passing

on an offer for a TV commercial.

One thing is guaranteed in life, folks.

You're gonna get knocked down.

The way you pop back up
is what makes you great.

Ayn Rand, Mikey? Really?

Atlas shrugged, and so
did all our customers.

You should bet on people.

They're smarter than you think, Ed.

What's this?

That's Maria's number.

What?

Call her. What would I say to her?

It doesn't really matter.
Just make the call.

(Sighs) You're right,
Mikey. You're right.

I'm gonna start by telling her that
after putting her through college,

she's got a hell of a nerve not
speaking to me for 10 years.

Well, the important thing is I'm
getting along with my family.

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