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1
00:00:01,511 --> 00:00:04,179
"Last Man Standing" is recorded in
front of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,181
All right.
3
00:00:06,249 --> 00:00:07,382
Where'd that one go?
4
00:00:07,483 --> 00:00:09,551
If you look down, you'll
see that you've missed it.
5
00:00:09,652 --> 00:00:11,486
(Groans)
6
00:00:11,587 --> 00:00:13,455
I want to kill everything that ever lived.
7
00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:14,656
Welcome to the game of golf. Come on.
8
00:00:14,757 --> 00:00:16,458
Ohh. I'll show you.
9
00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:18,593
Chipping is a simple, little stroke.
10
00:00:18,694 --> 00:00:20,195
You don't want to try to kill it.
11
00:00:20,296 --> 00:00:22,631
It's just a little distance
like this... Right in there.
12
00:00:22,732 --> 00:00:24,166
Oh. Can you do that every time?
13
00:00:24,267 --> 00:00:26,027
Of course I can. I'm
the world's best golfer.
14
00:00:26,102 --> 00:00:27,702
That's what it says on
the mug you kids bought me.
15
00:00:27,804 --> 00:00:30,672
Okay. I got this.
16
00:00:30,773 --> 00:00:32,040
Do I have to yell "fore"?
17
00:00:32,141 --> 00:00:34,581
That's only if you don't want
to hit someone on a golf course.
18
00:00:35,912 --> 00:00:38,313
Fore!
19
00:00:38,414 --> 00:00:39,648
Man: Hey!
20
00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:41,616
Yeah, who's hitting golf balls out here?!
21
00:00:41,717 --> 00:00:43,652
Run! Go! Get in the
house! Get in the house!
22
00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:47,922
All right, quiet, quiet.
23
00:00:48,024 --> 00:00:49,691
Shop just called.
24
00:00:49,792 --> 00:00:51,826
They have to keep Mandy's
car till Wednesday.
25
00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:54,829
Ah, the sidewalks of
Denver are safe for a week.
26
00:00:54,930 --> 00:00:57,198
As long as you don't do any more chipping.
27
00:00:58,134 --> 00:01:00,435
So now you know... when you
see the "check engine" light,
28
00:01:00,503 --> 00:01:02,503
it doesn't mean check to
see if you have an engine.
29
00:01:02,505 --> 00:01:04,205
The engine was obviously still there.
30
00:01:04,306 --> 00:01:05,840
There was smoke coming out of it.
31
00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:08,710
I'm surprised there wasn't a
white flag coming out of it.
32
00:01:08,811 --> 00:01:11,211
Well, now how am I gonna get
to school for the next few days?
33
00:01:11,213 --> 00:01:14,349
Well, you said you wanted to learn
another language, so take the bus.
34
00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:15,450
Really? The bus?
35
00:01:15,551 --> 00:01:17,085
That's right. You can do your makeup.
36
00:01:17,186 --> 00:01:19,420
You can text... you know,
just like when you drive.
37
00:01:19,522 --> 00:01:22,257
Think of the bus as like a party van.
38
00:01:22,358 --> 00:01:25,393
But for those people on
the bus, the party is over.
39
00:01:27,463 --> 00:01:29,264
Although there is another alternative.
40
00:01:29,365 --> 00:01:31,366
I mean, don't you two
go to the same school?
41
00:01:31,467 --> 00:01:33,134
- Vanessa: That's what I've been saying.
- Yeah.
42
00:01:33,235 --> 00:01:34,836
I mean, why can't we just ride together?
43
00:01:34,837 --> 00:01:36,104
You could be carpool buddies.
44
00:01:36,205 --> 00:01:38,940
I know, but you'd have to
go in, like, so early, mom,
45
00:01:39,041 --> 00:01:40,208
and I couldn't ask you to do that.
46
00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:41,709
Oh, I don't mind. I'll just have a bagel
47
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:42,944
wherever you and your friends hang out.
48
00:01:43,045 --> 00:01:46,447
Yeah... But we don't really
hang out there anymore.
49
00:01:46,515 --> 00:01:49,017
Hey, you could even coordinate outfits.
50
00:01:49,118 --> 00:01:50,718
You two could be twinsies.
51
00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,620
No, that would be silly. (Chuckles)
52
00:01:52,721 --> 00:01:54,455
We could sing show tunes in the car.
53
00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:58,092
Get our "Les Mis" on, huh?
54
00:01:58,193 --> 00:01:59,327
It's gonna be a blast.
55
00:02:01,397 --> 00:02:03,397
Mostly for me.
56
00:02:03,499 --> 00:02:06,501
Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
57
00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:12,106
(Sighs) (Chuckles)
58
00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:13,741
- Golf is the worst game ever.
- Oh.
59
00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:15,076
How would you know?
60
00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:17,177
What you were doing out
there was not playing golf.
61
00:02:17,246 --> 00:02:19,580
I thought it was pretty good, Eve.
62
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,749
For... for your first
time, Eve, you weren't awful.
63
00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,184
Yeah. You can listen to Chuck.
64
00:02:23,285 --> 00:02:25,019
He knows about an awful game of golf.
65
00:02:26,121 --> 00:02:29,023
Speaking of which... you lost the bet.
66
00:02:29,124 --> 00:02:31,325
Now you got to wear the hat.
67
00:02:31,393 --> 00:02:34,795
"Nobama"?
68
00:02:34,896 --> 00:02:36,197
You got to wear it next time we go golfing.
69
00:02:36,298 --> 00:02:37,732
Okay.
70
00:02:37,833 --> 00:02:39,934
It'll be the first time I
play at your country club
71
00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:42,870
and actually feel welcome.
72
00:02:42,971 --> 00:02:45,406
How did you get to be
so good at golf, Brandon?
73
00:02:45,507 --> 00:02:47,174
Uh, by watching my father... (Chuckles)
74
00:02:47,275 --> 00:02:49,944
...and doing the opposite. (Laughing)
75
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:53,247
You're a funny kid, Brandon.
76
00:02:53,348 --> 00:02:55,516
Maybe a nice clown family will take you in.
77
00:02:55,617 --> 00:02:57,017
Good game.
78
00:02:57,118 --> 00:02:58,686
Uh, thank you. Good game.
79
00:02:58,787 --> 00:03:01,548
(Door shuts) All right, the next
time we play, dad, you're going down.
80
00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:03,190
Is that a bet?
81
00:03:03,258 --> 00:03:05,298
Remember, I got a lot of
embarrassing hats in there.
82
00:03:10,131 --> 00:03:12,066
- There's our college gals.
- Vanessa: Hey.
83
00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:17,671
Shouldn't you two be doing J�gerbombs
and arguing over Iggy versus Nicki?
84
00:03:17,772 --> 00:03:20,174
Well, I am team Nicki all the way.
85
00:03:20,275 --> 00:03:22,209
We had so much fun at school today.
86
00:03:22,310 --> 00:03:24,211
Oh, my God. Tell me about your whole day.
87
00:03:24,312 --> 00:03:25,679
Don't leave anything out.
88
00:03:25,780 --> 00:03:30,384
Well... we got there in time to
get coffee and ran into, um...
89
00:03:30,485 --> 00:03:33,253
Everybody, mom... everybody.
90
00:03:33,354 --> 00:03:36,089
And then mom invited everybody
to have lunch with us.
91
00:03:36,191 --> 00:03:37,591
Oh, come on, Mandy. You enjoyed it.
92
00:03:37,659 --> 00:03:39,693
And you know what? I think
your friends really like me.
93
00:03:39,794 --> 00:03:42,763
Well, you were so handy,
with your towelettes and all.
94
00:03:42,864 --> 00:03:47,634
Those cafeteria tables are really
filthy, but the salad bar is dope.
95
00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:51,405
I have something for you,
Eve. It is pretty sick.
96
00:03:51,506 --> 00:03:55,008
Yeah, mom picked up some new words
I'll never be able to use again.
97
00:03:55,109 --> 00:03:56,276
I think it's pretty dope.
98
00:03:56,377 --> 00:03:57,844
Nothing dope about it, no.
99
00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:02,583
Did you know that she has pictures of
us as kids in the bathtub on her phone?
100
00:04:02,684 --> 00:04:04,151
Wow. You know so much about her.
101
00:04:04,252 --> 00:04:05,886
You must be getting really close.
102
00:04:07,488 --> 00:04:12,359
Anyway, Eve, in biochem, I sit next
to a very handsome young man. Mm-hmm.
103
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:14,628
Well, it's nice that you're
having fun in college,
104
00:04:14,729 --> 00:04:16,730
but you might want to
draw the line at dating.
105
00:04:16,864 --> 00:04:18,932
He's 16.
106
00:04:19,033 --> 00:04:21,068
Then, by all means, go crazy.
107
00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:23,370
Well, his name is Logan,
and he is a science prodigy
108
00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:25,138
who is already taking college courses.
109
00:04:25,239 --> 00:04:26,773
Anyway, I gave him your number.
110
00:04:26,874 --> 00:04:28,075
Pardon me?
111
00:04:28,176 --> 00:04:31,878
Ooh-hoo! Oho! You found Eve a boyfriend?
112
00:04:31,979 --> 00:04:34,915
He sounds dope.
113
00:04:35,016 --> 00:04:38,985
And here is Logan's number, just
in case you want to call him.
114
00:04:39,086 --> 00:04:41,421
Well, I don't need you setting
me up with some nerd, mom.
115
00:04:41,522 --> 00:04:43,683
I'm... I'm good right now
in the boy department, so...
116
00:04:43,758 --> 00:04:45,492
That is where you find all your clothes.
117
00:04:45,593 --> 00:04:46,927
Eve.
118
00:04:47,028 --> 00:04:48,695
Honey, come on. Take a chance.
119
00:04:48,796 --> 00:04:49,729
Yolo.
120
00:04:49,830 --> 00:04:51,131
Yeah, yolo.
121
00:04:51,232 --> 00:04:52,232
(Cellphone rings)
122
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:53,493
Oh, maybe that's him. (Gasps)
123
00:04:53,534 --> 00:04:56,770
Ooh, it says "unknown."
He sounds mysterious.
124
00:04:56,871 --> 00:04:59,973
Hello? Please hold for Eve Baxter.
125
00:05:00,074 --> 00:05:02,175
Hello?
126
00:05:02,276 --> 00:05:03,243
Yeah, hi, Logan.
127
00:05:03,344 --> 00:05:05,211
I hear you're friends with my mom.
128
00:05:08,382 --> 00:05:11,685
Don't forget... we're going to the
Baxters' for a barbecue on Saturday.
129
00:05:11,786 --> 00:05:13,853
I thought I'd make my bread pudding.
130
00:05:13,954 --> 00:05:15,155
Mm-hmm.
131
00:05:15,256 --> 00:05:17,991
Is that phone more interesting than me?
132
00:05:18,092 --> 00:05:19,059
(Chuckles)
133
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,960
Well, it has every piece of information,
134
00:05:21,061 --> 00:05:23,696
past or present, ever recorded by man.
135
00:05:23,798 --> 00:05:24,898
(Chuckles)
136
00:05:27,001 --> 00:05:30,837
Uh... Bread pudding?
137
00:05:30,938 --> 00:05:32,705
I'm talking about the Baxters. Mm-hmm.
138
00:05:32,807 --> 00:05:34,941
Every time Vanessa sees
me, she has to tell me about
139
00:05:35,042 --> 00:05:37,010
a new favorite person
of color she likes...
140
00:05:37,111 --> 00:05:38,845
Queen Latifah, Chris Rock, Tyler Perry.
141
00:05:38,946 --> 00:05:42,115
Black people don't love Tyler Perry
as much as that woman. (Laughs)
142
00:05:42,216 --> 00:05:43,616
Hey.
143
00:05:43,717 --> 00:05:44,918
- Hey.
- Hey.
144
00:05:45,019 --> 00:05:46,486
- Where you been?
- Out.
145
00:05:46,587 --> 00:05:49,556
I gave you life. At least
give me two syllables.
146
00:05:49,657 --> 00:05:52,125
Out... Side?
147
00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:54,861
(Laughs)
148
00:05:54,929 --> 00:05:57,630
Tell your mother where you've been, son.
149
00:05:57,731 --> 00:05:59,966
With a friend from the football team.
150
00:06:00,067 --> 00:06:01,801
Oh. Hope it wasn't Ray-Ray.
151
00:06:01,902 --> 00:06:04,337
That boy's been knocked in
the head a few too many times.
152
00:06:04,438 --> 00:06:07,540
Yeah. His eyes point in
all different directions.
153
00:06:07,641 --> 00:06:10,810
I always think he's talking
to somebody behind me.
154
00:06:10,911 --> 00:06:13,079
Well, I got a lot of homework, guys.
155
00:06:13,180 --> 00:06:14,501
Uh, so who... who were you with?
156
00:06:14,515 --> 00:06:16,549
I'm not supposed to say.
157
00:06:16,617 --> 00:06:17,650
- Oh.
- Oh.
158
00:06:17,751 --> 00:06:20,319
Well, now you know you have to, right?
159
00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:21,821
(Sighs)
160
00:06:21,922 --> 00:06:23,890
Okay, look, it was Eve Baxter.
161
00:06:23,991 --> 00:06:25,792
We've been hanging out the last few days.
162
00:06:25,893 --> 00:06:26,959
It's no big deal.
163
00:06:27,061 --> 00:06:30,229
And don't you two have anything interesting
in your own lives to talk about?
164
00:06:32,266 --> 00:06:33,766
Now we do.
165
00:06:36,804 --> 00:06:39,839
Our son and Eve Baxter?
166
00:06:39,940 --> 00:06:42,041
What the hell?
167
00:06:42,142 --> 00:06:44,911
Okay, she's a nice girl and all.
168
00:06:45,012 --> 00:06:47,947
Yeah. I wonder if Mike knows about this.
169
00:06:48,048 --> 00:06:50,483
(Chuckles)
170
00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:51,684
I don't think so.
171
00:06:51,818 --> 00:06:54,587
I didn't see a "For
Sale" sign in their lawn.
172
00:06:54,688 --> 00:06:56,088
(Both laugh)
173
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:03,423
Go faster!
174
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:04,891
Go faster!
175
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,459
What is he doing?
176
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,528
Spinning around till he
gets dizzy and falls over.
177
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:10,463
(Chuckles) I can't believe
you never taught him this.
178
00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:11,631
What kind of a parent are you?
179
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:14,267
That was fun. Do it with me, aunt Mandy.
180
00:07:14,368 --> 00:07:16,969
No, thank you. Aunt Mandy's almost 21.
181
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:20,206
Soon, I can get dizzy and
fall down like a grown-up.
182
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,507
Come on. Keep going.
183
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,743
There you go.
184
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,144
Hey, need any help in here?
185
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,613
Uh, no, I just need your
dad to start the grill,
186
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:29,649
if he and Eve ever get back from golf.
187
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,450
Oh. They're probably at the windmill.
188
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:33,186
I always get stuck there.
189
00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:34,687
Honey, if there are leftovers,
190
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,056
I was thinking we could have
a picnic on the quad Monday
191
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,257
with all your friends.
192
00:07:38,358 --> 00:07:39,592
Yeah?
193
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,795
I'll bring my tennies in
case we play hacky sack.
194
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,997
No. This ends now.
195
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,499
Mom...
196
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,967
(Inhales deeply)
197
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,969
I don't want to hang out
with you at school anymore.
198
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,203
Why not?
199
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:56,075
Because you're my mom,
and you're kind of a dork.
200
00:07:56,950 --> 00:07:59,750
Look, when you were in college, did
you want to hang out with your mom?
201
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:02,982
No, but, I mean, she wasn't chill like me.
202
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:06,619
So I'm still allowed to drive you?
203
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,622
Yeah, totally, but no contact
if we see each other on campus,
204
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:12,725
which works in your favor because,
like, standing next to me
205
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,693
just really piles the years onto you.
206
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:16,462
I hope that didn't come off as mean.
207
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:19,165
No, no.
208
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:20,633
I'm an embarrassing old dork.
209
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:23,169
Why would I want to add
"overly sensitive" to that list?
210
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:24,870
Uh, you need help with that, mom?
211
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:27,406
No, but it is nice to know
I have at least one daughter
212
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,208
who isn't ashamed to be seen with me.
213
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:32,478
I'm not ashamed around the house.
214
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:34,413
Can't you ever just be nice to her?
215
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,249
It's important with parents to set
limits, or they'll never learn.
216
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:40,552
She actually tried to fix Eve
up with a kid from school today.
217
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:41,720
What? Who?
218
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,222
I don't know... some random science nerd.
219
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,524
Oh, yikes. Poor Eve.
220
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:48,394
Remember when mom tried to
set me up with that doctor...
221
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,529
While he was delivering my baby?
222
00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:53,699
Hi, Vanessa.
223
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:54,833
Hey, Carol, Chuck.
224
00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:56,468
I made bread pudding with pistachios.
225
00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:57,536
Ooh!
226
00:08:57,637 --> 00:08:58,904
Thank you!
227
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:02,541
Uh, you know, I've been meaning to ask
you if you've seen that show "Cosmos."
228
00:09:02,642 --> 00:09:05,210
That Neil Degrasse Tyson
...ooh, he's wonderful.
229
00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:06,912
You know, if they ever
made a movie about him,
230
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:08,447
you know who would be great in the part?
231
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,549
Tyler Perry.
232
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,218
- He'd be amazing.
- Uh-huh.
233
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:14,887
Have you spoke to Eve lately?
234
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,321
Oh, yeah. I talk to her all the time. Why?
235
00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,090
Hey. Hey, mom. Dad's home.
236
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,124
Oh. Excuse me.
237
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,126
I have to go strangle my husband.
238
00:09:21,227 --> 00:09:22,527
Mm. I hope you understand.
239
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:26,131
Anybody who's ever met
your husband understands.
240
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,699
I'm getting better, old man.
241
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:30,202
Next time we play golf,
I'm gonna bury you. Mm-hmm.
242
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:33,739
Maybe you can use one of those
holes you dug with your putter.
243
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,240
Hey. How was golf?
244
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:36,441
It was great.
245
00:09:36,542 --> 00:09:38,143
She found a lot of the
balls she lost last week.
246
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:39,811
Mike, you have a grill
to get ready. All right.
247
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,613
And, Eve, would you get out
there and talk to our guests?
248
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:42,781
Oh, I can't, mom.
249
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:44,249
Logan is picking me up
in, like, any minute.
250
00:09:44,350 --> 00:09:46,918
Logan? I didn't know that worked out.
251
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:47,986
Who's Logan?
252
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:49,754
Uh, he's a boy I introduced her to.
253
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:52,023
Yeah, we ended up talking
for an hour the other night.
254
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,925
He's pretty cool once you get past the fact
255
00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:55,994
that he's growing pig
embryos in his windowsill.
256
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:59,531
Well, what... what... he's like a
science geek or just really into bacon?
257
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:00,732
(Chuckles)
258
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,734
Honey, I knew you'd get
along. He's perfect for you.
259
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:04,135
Well... well, you can't go see him now.
260
00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:05,871
We're having a family barbecue.
Who am I gonna talk to?
261
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,739
Uh, how about the rest of your family?
262
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,374
Uh, not really my thing.
263
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:12,836
Sorry. Blame mom. She's
the one who pimped me out.
264
00:10:12,878 --> 00:10:14,779
W-w-wait. What? Hey,
what do you mean?
265
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,681
Another boy? We just
got rid of backwards-hat.
266
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:18,516
Honey, his name was Justin.
267
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,552
Why do we need to know these guys' names?
268
00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:22,854
When Kris marries
yoga-pants, I'll learn his.
269
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:25,757
Where's Brandon today?
270
00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:27,392
Where did he say he was going?
271
00:10:27,493 --> 00:10:28,726
Out.
272
00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:30,895
Yeah, he's out.
273
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:35,433
So I guess Eve will be disappointed
that Brandon's not coming.
274
00:10:35,534 --> 00:10:37,969
Why would Eve be disappointed?
275
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:40,505
You haven't heard about Brandon and Eve?
276
00:10:40,606 --> 00:10:44,642
Not yet, but this sounds like something
I should refill my wine glass for.
277
00:10:44,743 --> 00:10:46,010
(Laughs)
278
00:10:46,111 --> 00:10:48,846
All I'm saying is I don't think
she needs another boy in her life
279
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:50,281
to start monopolizing her time.
280
00:10:50,382 --> 00:10:51,983
Yeah, because you want to.
281
00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:55,720
You like having your little buddy
around to hit balls and shoot things.
282
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,689
Honey, you got to let it go.
283
00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:00,592
You're the one interfering in Eve's
life, stalking Mandy at school.
284
00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:02,193
I warned you not to get
attached to these kids
285
00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:04,014
when we brought them
home from the hospital.
286
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:08,499
Uh, I was just talking to the Larabees.
287
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,235
They said that Eve and
their son are dating.
288
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:12,503
Seriously?
289
00:11:12,604 --> 00:11:14,472
- Yeah.
- Wow.
290
00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:15,540
That would be wonderful.
291
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:17,342
Honey, did you know anything about this?
292
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:19,177
Well, let's find out what's really going on
293
00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:20,778
before we put the house up for sale.
294
00:11:20,879 --> 00:11:22,213
Hey, you can't say that.
295
00:11:22,314 --> 00:11:24,754
Look, we... we don't want the
Larabees to think for one moment
296
00:11:24,783 --> 00:11:26,517
that we have a problem with them dating.
297
00:11:26,618 --> 00:11:28,719
Yeah. I, uh, do have a problem with it.
298
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:30,741
Don't say that. They're
gonna think we're racist.
299
00:11:30,789 --> 00:11:32,456
I'm not racist. I hate everybody equally.
300
00:11:32,558 --> 00:11:33,758
I'm a humanist.
301
00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:39,163
Well, I think Brandon is
a lovely, lovely young man,
302
00:11:39,264 --> 00:11:41,032
and I can't wait to talk to Carol.
303
00:11:41,099 --> 00:11:42,833
Are you gonna tell her
that you just set Eve up
304
00:11:42,935 --> 00:11:44,455
with another lovely, lovely young man?
305
00:11:44,503 --> 00:11:46,003
Oh, my God. Logan.
306
00:11:46,104 --> 00:11:50,107
That's right... the little windowsill
pig farmer, on his way here right now.
307
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:53,244
The Larabees are gonna think that
you don't want Eve with Brandon.
308
00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:54,585
We don't want her with Brandon.
309
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:55,780
No, stop! No!
310
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,448
Uh, Eve, will you come down here?
311
00:11:57,549 --> 00:11:59,790
Look, g-go outside and see
if the Larabees need anything.
312
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:00,885
Oh, yeah, sure.
313
00:12:00,986 --> 00:12:04,455
It's not like I work at a restaurant
and this is my one day off.
314
00:12:04,556 --> 00:12:06,157
I'll put these on the grill.
315
00:12:06,224 --> 00:12:09,427
This is why we shouldn't have
barbecues, friends, or children!
316
00:12:10,495 --> 00:12:11,796
Mom, I'm getting ready.
317
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,337
Logan's gonna be here in any minute.
318
00:12:13,365 --> 00:12:14,498
No, he can't.
319
00:12:14,599 --> 00:12:15,566
You have to text him
and stop him from coming.
320
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:16,700
Well... Carol: Vanessa?
321
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,369
Oh! Crap. Why can't he come?
322
00:12:18,470 --> 00:12:19,804
Uh, just... just do
what I say! Go, go, go.
323
00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:22,473
Okay.
324
00:12:22,574 --> 00:12:24,608
- Did I hear Eve?
- Uh, uh, no.
325
00:12:24,709 --> 00:12:26,077
No, I don't think so.
326
00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:28,579
Uh, well, maybe. S-she
has a room right upstairs.
327
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:29,980
Oh. (Chuckles)
328
00:12:30,081 --> 00:12:32,641
Well, I guess you've heard how
close she and Brandon have become.
329
00:12:32,651 --> 00:12:33,684
Of course.
330
00:12:33,785 --> 00:12:35,719
You know, it's... it's such good news.
331
00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:37,454
Mike and I are... we're honored.
332
00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:38,589
Honored?
333
00:12:38,690 --> 00:12:39,990
(Chuckles)
334
00:12:40,091 --> 00:12:41,811
We're... we're talking about Brandon here.
335
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:43,160
I mean, he's a good kid and all,
336
00:12:43,261 --> 00:12:45,963
but, uh (Chuckles) he's
no Nelson Mandela. Yeah.
337
00:12:47,098 --> 00:12:49,967
He actually failed a report
he did on Nelson Mandela.
338
00:12:50,068 --> 00:12:51,835
Hey, um, I texted Logan
and told him not to come.
339
00:12:51,936 --> 00:12:53,070
Oh, thank God. Okay.
340
00:12:53,171 --> 00:12:54,271
Uh, you know, let's go
outside and get a drink.
341
00:12:54,372 --> 00:12:55,306
- Who's Logan?
- Nobody.
342
00:12:55,407 --> 00:12:57,074
Nobody? What's going on with you?
343
00:12:57,175 --> 00:12:59,877
He was sure somebody when you
insisted I go out with him.
344
00:13:01,613 --> 00:13:03,447
You fixed Eve up with a boy?
345
00:13:03,548 --> 00:13:04,882
No. No, no.
346
00:13:04,983 --> 00:13:06,684
Uh, well, yes. Uh, it... you know what?
347
00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:08,252
It's not something I normally do.
348
00:13:08,353 --> 00:13:10,654
Unless your daughter has
started dating our son.
349
00:13:10,755 --> 00:13:11,789
No. No, no, no, no.
350
00:13:11,890 --> 00:13:13,857
Look, no, I would never stand in the way
351
00:13:13,958 --> 00:13:17,694
of Eve and your beautiful, beautiful son.
352
00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:20,864
That grill is pipin' hot,
and Boyd threw up on a Robin.
353
00:13:20,965 --> 00:13:23,333
You know what that means? Spring is here.
354
00:13:23,434 --> 00:13:25,715
So, should we tell Brandon that
Eve has another boyfriend?
355
00:13:25,770 --> 00:13:28,539
Oh, good. That came up.
356
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,574
Um, Logan isn't a boyfriend.
357
00:13:30,675 --> 00:13:32,456
He's just a... a friend
who happens to be a boy.
358
00:13:32,487 --> 00:13:33,140
Honey. Honey.
359
00:13:33,211 --> 00:13:34,611
Who you fixed Eve up with.
360
00:13:34,712 --> 00:13:39,116
Honey... Tell these guys the truth.
361
00:13:39,217 --> 00:13:43,687
All right, Carol, look, I-I promise...
I-I had no idea about Eve and Brandon.
362
00:13:43,788 --> 00:13:48,692
I-I would never discourage anything between
our daughter and... and your son.
363
00:13:48,793 --> 00:13:49,826
Yeah, but I would.
364
00:13:49,928 --> 00:13:50,861
Yeah, me too.
365
00:13:50,962 --> 00:13:52,562
See? I'm with him.
366
00:13:52,664 --> 00:13:54,498
Wait a minute. You got
something against Eve?
367
00:13:54,599 --> 00:13:58,468
Yes. She's a distraction, and Brandon's
got enough on his plate right now.
368
00:13:58,569 --> 00:14:01,305
If anybody doesn't need a distraction
right now, it would be Evie.
369
00:14:01,406 --> 00:14:04,107
Unless the distraction's
a white kid named Logan.
370
00:14:04,175 --> 00:14:06,009
This has nothing to do with race.
371
00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:08,245
I mean, who even said the kid was white?
372
00:14:08,346 --> 00:14:10,480
Vanessa, what shade is the boy?
373
00:14:10,581 --> 00:14:13,717
Um... It's funny.
374
00:14:13,818 --> 00:14:16,353
I-I-I couldn't tell
you what race he is.
375
00:14:16,454 --> 00:14:19,423
I mean, I-I-I don't
see color anymore.
376
00:14:19,524 --> 00:14:22,893
Well, you better be careful, 'cause
these folks... they're black.
377
00:14:22,994 --> 00:14:26,263
Oh, well, I-I mean, I-I
guess, if I had to say,
378
00:14:26,364 --> 00:14:29,733
he's a... a mixed-race person of color.
379
00:14:31,502 --> 00:14:34,171
"Logan" sure sounds
like a white name to me.
380
00:14:34,272 --> 00:14:37,207
Okay, here's Logan.
Sorry. He missed my text.
381
00:14:39,644 --> 00:14:42,045
'Sup, my brother?
382
00:14:49,132 --> 00:14:51,867
Everybody, this is Logan.
Logan, these are the Larabees.
383
00:14:51,968 --> 00:14:53,769
- Hi.
- Hi.
384
00:14:53,870 --> 00:14:55,771
Why is everyone staring at us?
385
00:14:55,872 --> 00:14:59,341
Hey, Logan. Welcome. I'm
Eve's dad, Mike Baxter.
386
00:14:59,442 --> 00:15:01,676
You know Vanessa... probably
remember her from school.
387
00:15:01,778 --> 00:15:03,498
This is a very different
one... you'll see.
388
00:15:05,748 --> 00:15:09,417
Uh, Eve, honey, the, uh... the Larabees
told us that you're dating Brandon.
389
00:15:09,519 --> 00:15:11,119
And, uh, well, we... we
have no problem with that...
390
00:15:11,220 --> 00:15:13,121
none at all. We're just
...we're overjoyed.
391
00:15:13,222 --> 00:15:14,289
(Chuckles)
392
00:15:14,390 --> 00:15:17,626
That's what I'm talking about.
393
00:15:17,727 --> 00:15:19,027
Maybe I should be going.
394
00:15:19,128 --> 00:15:20,262
(Chuckles)
395
00:15:20,363 --> 00:15:22,297
Um, wait a second.
I-I'm not dating Brandon.
396
00:15:22,398 --> 00:15:25,066
He told us he's been spending
every afternoon with you.
397
00:15:25,167 --> 00:15:26,968
I asked him to keep that a secret.
398
00:15:27,069 --> 00:15:28,370
What, so you are dating him?
399
00:15:29,405 --> 00:15:32,273
You know what this situation reminds me of?
400
00:15:32,375 --> 00:15:37,078
"Romeo and Juliet"...
boring and I don't care.
401
00:15:37,179 --> 00:15:39,914
There's nothing going on
between me and Brandon.
402
00:15:40,015 --> 00:15:43,852
We meet at the driving range, and he's
teaching me how to hit golf balls.
403
00:15:43,953 --> 00:15:45,554
Honey, why would you keep that a secret?
404
00:15:45,621 --> 00:15:49,591
Because I didn't want dad
to know I'm practicing.
405
00:15:49,692 --> 00:15:51,526
I don't have anything
against you practicing.
406
00:15:51,627 --> 00:15:53,127
That's how you get better at stuff.
407
00:15:53,229 --> 00:15:55,363
Your mom doesn't practice lying,
and look how bad she is at it.
408
00:15:55,464 --> 00:15:56,865
Oh, come on.
409
00:15:56,966 --> 00:16:00,635
All right, dad, you don't want
me to get better at golf...
410
00:16:00,736 --> 00:16:03,738
You just expect me to be instantly
awesome at everything...
411
00:16:03,839 --> 00:16:05,173
football, soccer, shooting.
412
00:16:05,274 --> 00:16:07,275
That is not true.
413
00:16:07,376 --> 00:16:11,412
It is. You don't realize it, but it's
a lot of pressure being your son.
414
00:16:12,781 --> 00:16:13,915
Let's go, Logan.
415
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:15,249
Nice to meet all of you.
416
00:16:15,351 --> 00:16:17,418
I-I can't believe I was
nervous to come over here.
417
00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:20,021
(Chuckles)
418
00:16:20,122 --> 00:16:22,423
He seems nice.
419
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:26,561
I'm not sure how I feel about
my son going out with that boy.
420
00:16:30,966 --> 00:16:32,800
Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man.
421
00:16:32,901 --> 00:16:35,269
How involved should we
be in our kids' lives?
422
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:38,206
Well, when they're babies,
they're completely helpless,
423
00:16:38,307 --> 00:16:42,210
and you have to check in on them,
you know, once, twice a day.
424
00:16:42,311 --> 00:16:44,779
But as they get older, we
need to turn them into people
425
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:46,848
who can go out into the world on their own.
426
00:16:46,949 --> 00:16:48,783
Now, in the old days, it happened sooner.
427
00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:51,352
Your daughter would get married
off to farmer brown at 13,
428
00:16:51,453 --> 00:16:53,688
which was okay because
...let's be honest...
429
00:16:53,789 --> 00:16:55,256
her best years were behind her.
430
00:16:55,357 --> 00:16:59,460
Plus, he probably had enough
goats to make the deal.
431
00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:02,597
Well, nowadays, it takes kids
longer to become independent.
432
00:17:02,698 --> 00:17:03,764
Now, why is that?
433
00:17:03,865 --> 00:17:07,902
I think it's because they try to
pull away, and we hold on tighter.
434
00:17:08,003 --> 00:17:09,770
Teenagers will give you subtle clues
435
00:17:09,871 --> 00:17:11,906
that they're ready to
become independent...
436
00:17:12,007 --> 00:17:15,710
telltale signs like, um, "I hate you!"
437
00:17:15,811 --> 00:17:18,879
And my favorite... "I wish you were dead."
438
00:17:18,981 --> 00:17:20,715
My advice... stay close to your kids,
439
00:17:20,816 --> 00:17:23,117
but when they're ready to go, let 'em go.
440
00:17:23,218 --> 00:17:27,955
And if you have daughters, don't let
them go for less than 12 goats each.
441
00:17:30,859 --> 00:17:34,128
Who knew that I would like bread pudding?
442
00:17:34,229 --> 00:17:36,197
I make you bread pudding all the time.
443
00:17:36,298 --> 00:17:37,331
Not like this.
444
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:39,366
Carol puts something in
this that you don't have.
445
00:17:39,468 --> 00:17:43,003
You mean like... Soul?
446
00:17:44,606 --> 00:17:45,940
Pistachios.
447
00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:49,076
- Soul?
- I don't know.
448
00:17:51,012 --> 00:17:52,813
Listen. What happened
today at teacher school?
449
00:17:52,881 --> 00:17:54,215
You flunk out of flunking people?
450
00:17:54,316 --> 00:17:55,249
No, no.
451
00:17:55,350 --> 00:17:57,785
I ran into Mandy in the cafeteria.
452
00:17:57,886 --> 00:17:59,486
And I know I'm supposed to leave her alone,
453
00:17:59,587 --> 00:18:02,956
but she'd obviously sat in
some pie or something, and I...
454
00:18:03,058 --> 00:18:04,938
Well, you probably had
your towelettes with you.
455
00:18:05,026 --> 00:18:08,963
Oh, no, no. This was
bigger than towelettes.
456
00:18:09,064 --> 00:18:11,024
I tried to help her, but
she didn't appreciate it.
457
00:18:11,099 --> 00:18:13,267
An ungrateful child?
That's a rare thing, huh?
458
00:18:13,368 --> 00:18:15,703
They say there's only 2
billion, 3 billion of them left.
459
00:18:15,804 --> 00:18:17,004
Yeah.
460
00:18:17,105 --> 00:18:21,675
Yeah, you hold on to your kids as long
as you can, but then they grow up,
461
00:18:21,776 --> 00:18:23,844
and (Sighs) gosh, they just
don't want your help anymore.
462
00:18:23,945 --> 00:18:26,113
If it'll help, I'll
become more of a burden.
463
00:18:26,214 --> 00:18:27,815
Oh.
464
00:18:27,916 --> 00:18:30,984
Mom, you saved my life. Thank you so much.
465
00:18:31,085 --> 00:18:32,519
That sounds pretty appreciative.
466
00:18:32,620 --> 00:18:34,254
You know, maybe you're just a whiner.
467
00:18:34,355 --> 00:18:35,622
Listen.
468
00:18:35,723 --> 00:18:37,291
I know I was being a brat before.
469
00:18:37,392 --> 00:18:38,325
I was just panicking.
470
00:18:38,426 --> 00:18:40,460
You've been panicking for 20 years.
471
00:18:40,562 --> 00:18:43,964
I had this big presentation, and right
before, I totally ruined my pants,
472
00:18:44,065 --> 00:18:46,099
and mom bailed me out
by giving me her skirt.
473
00:18:46,201 --> 00:18:47,401
It's like I was telling my friends...
474
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,069
there are some times when
you just need your mom.
475
00:18:49,137 --> 00:18:52,205
Well, if you're wearing her
skirt, what are you wearing?
476
00:18:52,307 --> 00:18:54,474
Oh. A badge of honor. (Chuckles)
477
00:18:54,576 --> 00:18:57,577
These pants say I'm a mom.
478
00:18:57,679 --> 00:19:01,515
Yeah, a mom that sat on a Smurf.
479
00:19:01,616 --> 00:19:03,517
Hey, I'm headed out to the range.
480
00:19:03,618 --> 00:19:05,652
Well, say "hello" to the
deer and the antelope.
481
00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:07,788
Yeah, well, if there are any
deer and antelope out there,
482
00:19:07,889 --> 00:19:08,889
I'll probably hit them.
483
00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:11,560
Hey, listen, Eve... I-I
didn't realize I was putting
484
00:19:11,591 --> 00:19:13,724
so much pressure on you
to be good at golf.
485
00:19:13,795 --> 00:19:16,630
Dad, I don't want to disappoint you.
486
00:19:16,731 --> 00:19:18,899
Everything I do, I want
you to be impressed with.
487
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,534
I'm always impressed with you.
488
00:19:20,635 --> 00:19:22,135
My hierarchy goes like this...
489
00:19:22,236 --> 00:19:26,373
Ronald Reagan, John Elway,
Gordon Lightfoot, Eve.
490
00:19:26,474 --> 00:19:29,409
But you're not impressed with my golf game.
491
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,478
Well, I picked golf because it's difficult.
492
00:19:31,579 --> 00:19:34,915
It's something you and I can practice
and have fun with for 30 years.
493
00:19:35,016 --> 00:19:37,217
Like you're gonna be
around for another 30 years.
494
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:42,222
Well, I'll have to be if I
want to see you shoot par.
495
00:19:43,791 --> 00:19:47,060
I'm always impressed with you, but
it's not always about accomplishments.
496
00:19:47,161 --> 00:19:49,696
I mean, I have just as much
love for Mandy and the other one.
497
00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:55,101
Thanks. Thanks. That means a lot.
498
00:19:55,202 --> 00:19:56,922
Right. The Rockies are
playing after dinner.
499
00:19:57,004 --> 00:19:58,104
We can watch some baseball.
500
00:19:58,206 --> 00:19:59,306
Uh, actually, I can't.
501
00:19:59,373 --> 00:20:01,241
Logan and I are going to the movies.
502
00:20:01,309 --> 00:20:03,543
Going out with that young man again...
503
00:20:03,644 --> 00:20:06,780
evidently, not trying
that hard to impress me.
504
00:20:16,542 --> 00:20:18,777
Okay.
505
00:20:18,811 --> 00:20:20,011
Knees.
506
00:20:20,046 --> 00:20:22,213
Out. (Chuckles)
507
00:20:22,248 --> 00:20:24,582
Eve, look, just forget
everything I taught you.
508
00:20:24,617 --> 00:20:28,053
Picture the ball as someone you hate...
hit 'em right between the eyes.
509
00:20:28,087 --> 00:20:29,788
Okay.
510
00:20:29,822 --> 00:20:32,457
(Breathes deeply)
511
00:20:35,494 --> 00:20:36,728
(Both laugh)
512
00:20:36,762 --> 00:20:40,165
Wow. That worked. Thanks.
513
00:20:40,199 --> 00:20:42,000
Yeah. Who was that poor guy?
514
00:20:42,034 --> 00:20:43,668
Gordon Lightfoot.
515
00:20:43,702 --> 00:20:45,003
Whoever that is.
516
00:20:45,037 --> 00:20:48,873
Um...
517
00:20:48,908 --> 00:20:52,210
Look, I'm sorry about all
that stuff with our parents.
518
00:20:52,244 --> 00:20:53,545
Oh, no. It's all good.
519
00:20:53,579 --> 00:20:54,579
Uh, it's funny.
520
00:20:54,613 --> 00:20:56,347
They actually thought we were dating.
521
00:20:56,382 --> 00:20:57,715
(Chuckles)
522
00:20:57,750 --> 00:21:00,118
Us as a couple? That's so crazy.
523
00:21:00,152 --> 00:21:01,786
Crazy! (Chuckles)
524
00:21:01,820 --> 00:21:04,255
Wait. Why would that be crazy?
525
00:21:04,290 --> 00:21:06,410
I don't know. I only said
crazy 'cause you said crazy.
526
00:21:07,593 --> 00:21:09,594
Okay, watch my follow-through.
527
00:21:09,628 --> 00:21:11,462
Okay.
528
00:21:14,266 --> 00:21:16,768
Whoa, nice shot.
529
00:21:16,802 --> 00:21:17,869
Who was that?
530
00:21:17,903 --> 00:21:18,836
Logan.
531
00:21:18,886 --> 00:21:23,436
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