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"Last Man Standing" is recorded
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in front of a live studio audience.
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You know, I am all for technology,
4
00:00:06,670 --> 00:00:07,836
but it is still weird
5
00:00:07,904 --> 00:00:10,339
that Boyd is e-mailing his
Christmas list to Santa.
6
00:00:10,407 --> 00:00:14,176
What's weirder is that
Santa's still using AOL.
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Uh, nope. He is an old white guy.
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We got a tree!
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You got a tree! Wow!
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Mike, you know I don't
believe in Christmas trees.
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And yet... Here it is.
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I'm gonna go make some decorations.
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Good idea.
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It's kind of a small tree,
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but it just makes the presents
you put under it look bigger.
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It's a trick your mom and I
used during the lean years.
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Oh, it is very thoughtful, okay?
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We... we were doing
without to save money.
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Well, we do have a wedding to save up for.
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Ah, yes, the wedding.
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Well, your mom and I wanted to help, uh,
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just a little bit with that.
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$20,000?
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(Laughs) Mike, thank you so much.
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I'm... Speechless.
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Wow, 20 grand well spent.
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(Laughs)
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Just one little condition.
29
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Oh, of course there's one condition.
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What happened to "speechless"?
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Your mom and I really would like you
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to have the wedding at St. Mark's.
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Yeah, we actually had a
different venue in mind.
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Yeah, um, our plan is to
get married in Estes Park,
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under a tree in the forest.
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No, no. I think a moose
already has that venue booked.
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We found a native American officiant
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who specializes in
multicultural ceremonies.
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There's gonna be chanting
and drums and didgeridoos.
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Doesn't sound like 20 grand, though.
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Sounds like... about 8 bucks
42
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and the longest afternoon of my life.
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So, let me get this straight.
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You're trying to bribe us with a check
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to do a church wedding?
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Is that what Jesus would do?
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Jesus didn't have a checking account.
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But he wasn't against
handing out loaves and fish
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to get asses in the seats.
50
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Dad, this is a very generous offer,
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but it's our wedding.
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We really want to do this our way.
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Mike, as an atheist, taking
part in a church wedding
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just for the money would
make me a hypocrite, so...
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A hypocrite with an open bar.
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Uh, thanks anyway.
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Ooh.
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Well, you kids enjoy the tree.
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You really want to save money,
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maybe you could have a double wedding...
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With the moose.
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Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen.
www.addic7ed.com
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(Knock on door) Yeah.
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Hey, Mr. Alzate? Hmm?
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Do you and your buddies still
play poker here Saturday nights?
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Shut the door.
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Are you now, or have you ever been,
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an informant for the
internal revenue service?
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00:02:40,989 --> 00:02:42,690
No.
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Yes, we still play poker.
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00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,762
Good. I want to play this Saturday.
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00:02:47,829 --> 00:02:50,431
All right, well, Mike has his
family-tree-trimming party,
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so I guess a... a numbskull
beats an empty chair.
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"A numbskull beats an empty chair."
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I love learning all these gambling terms.
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You've never played poker, have you, son?
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No, which leads to my next question.
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Um... how do you play poker?
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(Chuckles)
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00:03:09,618 --> 00:03:11,619
I don't have time to teach you, son.
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All right. I understand.
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I'll just drive up to
that casino in black hawk.
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Their billboards say, "beginners welcome."
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(Whistles) Hold it,
hold it, hold it, hold it.
85
00:03:20,028 --> 00:03:21,395
D-d... just a
second, there.
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00:03:21,463 --> 00:03:23,230
All right, you come here
Saturday before my game.
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00:03:23,298 --> 00:03:24,532
We'll play a few hands, all right?
88
00:03:24,599 --> 00:03:25,866
All right, if you pick it up quick,
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maybe I'll let you sit in with the guys.
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00:03:27,435 --> 00:03:28,802
That is awesome. Thank you.
91
00:03:28,870 --> 00:03:32,406
6:00, all right?
And... Bring your poker face.
92
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My what?
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That'll work.
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00:03:39,647 --> 00:03:42,449
Okay, remember, this is a non-tinsel year.
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Ha ha, nice try.
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Last year was the non-tinsel year.
97
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I remember because there
was no tinsel on the tree.
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Tinsel makes a Christmas
tree look like a streetwalker.
99
00:03:52,827 --> 00:03:54,928
Like it's saying, "that
was pretty fun, Santa.
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00:03:54,996 --> 00:03:56,530
Leave the money on the dresser."
101
00:03:58,132 --> 00:03:59,500
Hey, hey.
102
00:03:59,567 --> 00:04:00,934
Hey. How was school?
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00:04:01,002 --> 00:04:03,437
I got invited to a sorority party.
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00:04:03,505 --> 00:04:05,439
(Chuckles) Kind of.
105
00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:09,309
Since I'm legal, they asked
if I would buy them beer.
106
00:04:09,377 --> 00:04:12,479
And you thought you wouldn't
make any friends in college.
107
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They even gave me a nickname...
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"Ma'am."
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Making us steaks?
110
00:04:18,586 --> 00:04:21,088
Yeah, I splurged. I saved
us a lot of money today.
111
00:04:21,155 --> 00:04:22,856
The kids didn't want that check.
112
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- They turned down the $20,000?
- Yeah.
113
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Ryan doesn't want to have a church wedding.
114
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You know what they say
...when God closes a door,
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he opens a window and throws in steaks.
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Of course Ryan doesn't want it in a church.
117
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I mean, this is a guy who crosses out
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"in God we trust" on his dollar bills.
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I thought you wanted a church wedding.
120
00:04:41,209 --> 00:04:43,143
I'd love it if they had it at St. Mark's,
121
00:04:43,211 --> 00:04:45,245
but I gave up on that
dream a long time ago.
122
00:04:45,313 --> 00:04:47,214
I would just be happy if they would have
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a big party afterwards
with family and friends.
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Hey. So we just give them the money
125
00:04:51,619 --> 00:04:54,120
and let Ryan win this epic battle with God?
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00:04:54,188 --> 00:04:57,958
If we're choosing up sides
in that one, I'm on team God.
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I'm on team money.
128
00:05:00,528 --> 00:05:01,761
Oh, yeah, what money?
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00:05:01,829 --> 00:05:04,164
Your dad and I have a
little fund for each of you
130
00:05:04,231 --> 00:05:05,632
to use for your weddings.
131
00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:06,766
Mmm. How much? How much?
132
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Or "thank you."
133
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Thank you!
134
00:05:13,441 --> 00:05:15,408
How much?
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00:05:15,476 --> 00:05:17,577
$20,000 each.
136
00:05:17,645 --> 00:05:18,645
Wow.
137
00:05:18,712 --> 00:05:21,214
I know. I was hoping for more, too.
138
00:05:21,282 --> 00:05:25,018
You went from not knowing to
wanting more in record time.
139
00:05:25,085 --> 00:05:26,586
Well, if you think about it,
140
00:05:26,654 --> 00:05:28,354
she will need to split it between
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three or four failed marriages.
142
00:05:30,090 --> 00:05:31,357
(Chuckles) Ohh. A-aw.
143
00:05:31,425 --> 00:05:33,026
Let's not make fun of your sister's
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failed marriages until they happen.
145
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And then we'll do it as a family.
146
00:05:40,234 --> 00:05:42,502
So, to review again,
147
00:05:42,569 --> 00:05:44,203
straight flush beats four of a kind.
148
00:05:44,271 --> 00:05:46,105
Four of a kind beats a
full house, all right?
149
00:05:46,173 --> 00:05:48,274
Uh...
Yes, what?
150
00:05:48,342 --> 00:05:51,844
Now that I'm a gambler,
can I have a nickname?
151
00:05:51,912 --> 00:05:52,912
Okay, fine.
152
00:05:52,980 --> 00:05:55,415
How about, um... how about "scooter"?
153
00:05:55,482 --> 00:05:57,417
No, I have a friend named scooter.
154
00:05:57,484 --> 00:06:00,253
Before she bought her scooter,
her nickname was "Sandy."
155
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:03,256
Because she really likes the beach.
156
00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:05,725
And because her name is Sandy.
157
00:06:05,793 --> 00:06:09,862
All right, then your
nickname will be "bubbles."
158
00:06:09,930 --> 00:06:12,031
Bubbles. Mm-hmm.
159
00:06:12,099 --> 00:06:13,566
I love it.
160
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:17,570
Good. All right, before
every hand, we ante.
161
00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:18,771
Do you know what that means, Kyle?
162
00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:19,906
"Bubbles."
163
00:06:19,973 --> 00:06:21,541
Do you know what it means?
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Yes, that's where we put our money
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in the center of the table.
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Right, right.
167
00:06:25,946 --> 00:06:27,380
Ugh.
168
00:06:27,447 --> 00:06:29,949
All right, what is
it, Kyle... bubbles?
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00:06:30,017 --> 00:06:32,385
What's your nickname?
170
00:06:32,452 --> 00:06:34,587
Forget nicknames, will you?
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00:06:34,655 --> 00:06:35,888
Which is better, all right...
172
00:06:35,956 --> 00:06:38,257
Three of a kind or two pair?
173
00:06:38,325 --> 00:06:39,492
I'm not sure,
174
00:06:39,559 --> 00:06:42,395
but I know that a numbskull
beats an empty chair.
175
00:06:44,398 --> 00:06:45,965
I'm starting to doubt that.
176
00:06:50,504 --> 00:06:53,272
You know, of all the
wonderful family ornaments
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00:06:53,340 --> 00:06:55,441
that have broken over the
years, how did your stupid
178
00:06:55,509 --> 00:06:57,777
"have a Duran Duran Christmas" survive?
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00:06:57,844 --> 00:07:00,279
I think somebody's just mad
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00:07:00,347 --> 00:07:03,482
his Bachman-Turner
Overdrive ornament broke.
181
00:07:03,550 --> 00:07:07,186
It's not Christmas
without "bto-ho-ho."
182
00:07:08,188 --> 00:07:09,855
Hello!
183
00:07:09,923 --> 00:07:11,223
Honey, remember,
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whatever they want to do
about the wedding is fine.
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00:07:14,261 --> 00:07:16,462
I am happy to do it in the woods.
186
00:07:16,529 --> 00:07:18,569
Well, I'll hold you to that
next time we go camping.
187
00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:22,268
I'm gonna go play. Okay.
188
00:07:22,335 --> 00:07:25,504
Hey, why don't you go play with this?
189
00:07:25,572 --> 00:07:28,374
What does "Duran Duran" mean?
190
00:07:28,441 --> 00:07:32,378
Not a lot in 2014.
191
00:07:32,445 --> 00:07:35,147
Guys, uh, thanks for coming over.
192
00:07:35,215 --> 00:07:37,149
Oh, of course. We're not gonna
miss the tree-trimming dinner.
193
00:07:37,217 --> 00:07:38,784
Yeah, in fact, I'll even say grace.
194
00:07:38,852 --> 00:07:40,619
All right. For 200 bucks.
195
00:07:42,022 --> 00:07:44,623
'Cause that's how your
Christianity works, right, Mike?
196
00:07:44,691 --> 00:07:47,860
You'll learn how Christianity
works at the pearly gates.
197
00:07:47,927 --> 00:07:49,194
Saint Peter's gonna be standing there...
198
00:07:49,262 --> 00:07:50,863
"Vogelson? Vogelson?
199
00:07:50,930 --> 00:07:52,631
I don't seem to have a reservation."
200
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:55,901
Hey, guys. Hi. Hey, mom.
201
00:07:55,969 --> 00:07:57,569
So, dinner's almost ready...
202
00:07:57,637 --> 00:07:59,805
Pork roast and a tofu casserole for you.
203
00:07:59,873 --> 00:08:02,107
Free-range tofu, humanely killed.
204
00:08:03,443 --> 00:08:05,043
But first things first.
205
00:08:05,111 --> 00:08:06,912
Here. It's your wedding.
206
00:08:06,980 --> 00:08:08,881
Your dad and I talked, and we agree...
207
00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:10,382
You can have it wherever you want.
208
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:11,583
Really? Mandy: Whoa.
209
00:08:11,651 --> 00:08:13,685
That's what a $20,000 check looks like?
210
00:08:13,753 --> 00:08:17,022
I thought it would be bigger.
211
00:08:17,090 --> 00:08:19,324
That's from all of us, by the way.
212
00:08:19,392 --> 00:08:23,528
Uh, thank you, guys.
That's incredibly generous.
213
00:08:23,596 --> 00:08:26,198
Yeah, well, it's gonna pay
for a big reception afterwards,
214
00:08:26,265 --> 00:08:27,866
with all our family and friends.
215
00:08:27,934 --> 00:08:31,169
It's gonna be one raging par-tay!
216
00:08:31,237 --> 00:08:32,671
Don't worry, girls.
217
00:08:32,739 --> 00:08:35,040
She doesn't have to sit at our table.
218
00:08:35,108 --> 00:08:36,742
Yeah, it's just...
219
00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:37,943
What?
220
00:08:38,011 --> 00:08:39,745
Uh, well, after Mike left the other day,
221
00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:41,913
we started talking about
what we would have done
222
00:08:41,981 --> 00:08:43,749
if we'd gotten the money.
223
00:08:43,816 --> 00:08:45,417
We're now picturing a smaller wedding...
224
00:08:45,485 --> 00:08:46,752
Just immediate family...
225
00:08:46,819 --> 00:08:49,454
And we would use this money
to pay off some of our debt.
226
00:08:49,522 --> 00:08:51,957
Whoa, how does somebody
get $20,000 in debt?
227
00:08:52,024 --> 00:08:55,627
I told you buying organic was a racket.
228
00:08:55,695 --> 00:08:57,963
No, this debt is from a while ago,
229
00:08:58,030 --> 00:09:01,099
from when Ryan was... away.
230
00:09:02,468 --> 00:09:04,703
Yeah, it's, uh, my student-loan debt.
231
00:09:04,770 --> 00:09:06,037
(Gasps)
232
00:09:06,105 --> 00:09:08,039
Oh. Oh, right, right, of course, right,
233
00:09:08,107 --> 00:09:09,574
from when you were in college
234
00:09:09,642 --> 00:09:11,309
and Kristin couldn't go to college
235
00:09:11,377 --> 00:09:13,044
because she was raising your baby.
236
00:09:13,112 --> 00:09:15,714
Well, Vanessa, that's actually not fair,
237
00:09:15,781 --> 00:09:17,349
'cause we were raising the baby.
238
00:09:18,718 --> 00:09:20,585
Mom, all of that is in the past.
239
00:09:20,653 --> 00:09:21,753
You know what?
240
00:09:21,821 --> 00:09:23,188
That money is for your wedding party,
241
00:09:23,256 --> 00:09:26,491
not the four-year party that
he had when he was at college.
242
00:09:31,264 --> 00:09:34,499
You might want to pick carefully
through that tofu casserole.
243
00:09:44,021 --> 00:09:46,288
(Loud chopping)
244
00:09:46,356 --> 00:09:48,190
Need any help out here?
245
00:09:48,258 --> 00:09:50,192
Want me to throw some
plates against the wall,
246
00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:53,629
or maybe punch that pork
roast a couple times?
247
00:09:53,697 --> 00:09:55,865
Do not tell me I overreacted.
248
00:09:55,932 --> 00:09:57,233
Okay.
249
00:09:57,300 --> 00:10:00,936
I have tried very hard,
for years, to defend Ryan,
250
00:10:01,004 --> 00:10:03,539
but this... I mean,
this is... is outrageous.
251
00:10:03,607 --> 00:10:05,107
Absolutely.
252
00:10:05,175 --> 00:10:06,308
All right, what? What are you doing?
253
00:10:06,376 --> 00:10:07,676
What are you doing?
254
00:10:07,744 --> 00:10:08,777
I-I know you didn't come in
here just to agree with me.
255
00:10:08,845 --> 00:10:12,047
No, I didn't, but I saw the knife, and...
256
00:10:12,115 --> 00:10:15,384
You think what I said about Ryan is wrong?
257
00:10:15,452 --> 00:10:17,586
No, no. I've been saying that for years.
258
00:10:17,654 --> 00:10:19,722
My only complaint is you stole my act.
259
00:10:19,789 --> 00:10:21,023
(Sighs)
260
00:10:21,091 --> 00:10:22,758
Mike, I don't think we
should give him the check.
261
00:10:22,826 --> 00:10:24,426
Me neither.
262
00:10:24,494 --> 00:10:27,630
I think we should give them the check.
263
00:10:29,499 --> 00:10:32,601
So, if Kristin can use her wedding money
264
00:10:32,669 --> 00:10:33,936
to pay off Ryan's debt,
265
00:10:34,004 --> 00:10:36,438
I can use mine for whatever I want.
266
00:10:36,506 --> 00:10:38,407
You still got to get married.
267
00:10:38,475 --> 00:10:40,576
I can do that for 50 bucks in a courthouse
268
00:10:40,644 --> 00:10:42,311
and pocket the rest.
269
00:10:42,379 --> 00:10:44,380
Minus whatever you got to
pay some loser to marry you,
270
00:10:44,447 --> 00:10:45,647
and that's not gonna be cheap.
271
00:10:45,715 --> 00:10:46,815
(Laughs)
272
00:10:46,883 --> 00:10:48,150
I'll tell you something...
273
00:10:48,218 --> 00:10:50,919
I'm not gonna marry a
guy with a bunch of debt.
274
00:10:50,987 --> 00:10:52,988
Eve, you can't choose
who you fall in love with.
275
00:10:53,056 --> 00:10:54,623
That just kind of happens, you know?
276
00:10:54,691 --> 00:10:56,125
And then there's a misunderstanding
277
00:10:56,192 --> 00:10:57,860
where you think that he's cheating on you
278
00:10:57,927 --> 00:10:59,461
but really he's reading to the blind,
279
00:10:59,529 --> 00:11:01,209
and then you chase him through an airport,
280
00:11:01,264 --> 00:11:02,798
and then you live happily ever after.
281
00:11:02,866 --> 00:11:05,934
Yeah, well, except you can't
run through airports anymore.
282
00:11:06,002 --> 00:11:08,737
The terrorists have made
it harder to fall in love.
283
00:11:10,907 --> 00:11:12,841
Maybe it's a good thing that Ryan ran off.
284
00:11:12,909 --> 00:11:16,311
No it's "bad." "Good" is the other one.
285
00:11:16,379 --> 00:11:17,980
I'm serious.
286
00:11:18,047 --> 00:11:19,648
Whatever happened over those years
287
00:11:19,716 --> 00:11:21,817
turned Ryan from a guy who was running away
288
00:11:21,884 --> 00:11:23,952
to a guy who wanted to be with his family,
289
00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:27,623
so, I don't know... maybe
that time away and $20,000
290
00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:29,558
was actually money well spent.
291
00:11:29,626 --> 00:11:32,894
Wow, that was pretty deep.
292
00:11:32,962 --> 00:11:34,396
Have you spent your entire life
293
00:11:34,464 --> 00:11:36,365
saving your brains for that one thought?
294
00:11:38,568 --> 00:11:41,770
It's not enough that Ryan took
away her college and her future.
295
00:11:41,838 --> 00:11:43,872
Now he wants to take away her big day.
296
00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:45,874
It's her decision, and do you really think
297
00:11:45,942 --> 00:11:47,876
Ryan can talk our daughter into anything?
298
00:11:47,944 --> 00:11:51,379
Well, he did on prom night 2006.
299
00:11:51,447 --> 00:11:52,714
I hate to say this,
300
00:11:52,782 --> 00:11:55,083
but I'm sure Kristin was
calling the shots then, too.
301
00:11:55,151 --> 00:11:58,086
Those poor, poor potatoes.
302
00:11:58,154 --> 00:11:59,488
Honey, let's just let this...
303
00:11:59,555 --> 00:12:01,489
We...
We...
304
00:12:01,557 --> 00:12:04,159
We've got to figure out
how to forgive this boy.
305
00:12:04,227 --> 00:12:06,494
Who are you? (Sighs)
306
00:12:06,562 --> 00:12:09,064
Look, I'm the one who has
defended Ryan for years,
307
00:12:09,131 --> 00:12:11,166
and you are the one who argues with him
308
00:12:11,233 --> 00:12:12,400
every time you see him.
309
00:12:12,468 --> 00:12:14,736
I like to argue with him.
310
00:12:14,804 --> 00:12:18,406
I win all those arguments.
311
00:12:18,474 --> 00:12:20,241
But arguing with him has taught me a lot
312
00:12:20,309 --> 00:12:21,409
about who he is as a man,
313
00:12:21,477 --> 00:12:23,912
and I've... and
I've learned to...
314
00:12:23,979 --> 00:12:25,380
Respect him.
315
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,920
Now that those words
have come out of my mouth,
316
00:12:27,950 --> 00:12:31,052
why don't you just stab me?
317
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:33,621
This is really, really hard for me, Mike.
318
00:12:33,689 --> 00:12:34,956
They're getting married,
319
00:12:35,024 --> 00:12:37,759
which means he's going to be our son.
320
00:12:37,827 --> 00:12:40,528
And if he was our son, we
would pay off that debt.
321
00:12:40,596 --> 00:12:43,865
He's like the prodigal son in the Bible...
322
00:12:43,933 --> 00:12:46,201
If that son was an annoying liberal
323
00:12:46,268 --> 00:12:49,370
who needed to be forgiven.
324
00:12:49,438 --> 00:12:51,039
(Laughing) Hey, I
think I just figured out
325
00:12:51,106 --> 00:12:52,540
what that story's really about.
326
00:12:55,678 --> 00:12:57,879
Hey, guys, we've got some good news.
327
00:12:57,947 --> 00:13:00,548
First, we are making
potato soup in the kitchen,
328
00:13:00,616 --> 00:13:03,217
and your mom has something to say.
329
00:13:03,285 --> 00:13:06,354
Well, your dad convinced
me that it makes sense
330
00:13:06,422 --> 00:13:07,989
to pay off Ryan's debts.
331
00:13:08,057 --> 00:13:12,060
So we don't have to have a big party?
332
00:13:12,127 --> 00:13:13,594
Well, a... a
big party is...
333
00:13:13,662 --> 00:13:16,330
Is not the thing that's gonna
make this a real marriage.
334
00:13:16,398 --> 00:13:18,232
Thank you, mom.
335
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:21,369
Hey, I'm the one that convinced her.
336
00:13:22,404 --> 00:13:23,337
However...
337
00:13:23,405 --> 00:13:25,606
"However"?
338
00:13:25,674 --> 00:13:27,775
What will make it a real marriage
339
00:13:27,843 --> 00:13:31,946
is doing it in a church, with
all our family and friends,
340
00:13:32,014 --> 00:13:36,817
so... No church, no check.
341
00:13:39,087 --> 00:13:41,656
Hey, I hope you didn't put
a deposit on that forest.
342
00:13:49,177 --> 00:13:50,897
So, now we have to get married in a church?
343
00:13:50,927 --> 00:13:52,027
We're back to that?
344
00:13:52,095 --> 00:13:55,997
Unknown. My wife has gone rogue.
345
00:13:57,567 --> 00:14:01,136
And for that reason, I'm out.
346
00:14:01,204 --> 00:14:04,039
I, uh... I think I may
know what's going on.
347
00:14:04,107 --> 00:14:06,608
Hey, dad, I got a question
about our free money.
348
00:14:06,676 --> 00:14:11,112
So... If these guys don't use
their share, can I have it?
349
00:14:11,180 --> 00:14:12,614
And if that question makes you mad,
350
00:14:12,682 --> 00:14:13,849
can I have Mandy's share?
351
00:14:13,916 --> 00:14:15,350
How about this?
352
00:14:15,418 --> 00:14:20,055
Nobody gets any money, and
maybe dad gets a new boat.
353
00:14:20,122 --> 00:14:22,524
Mom.
354
00:14:24,527 --> 00:14:27,595
Hey. Can we talk?
355
00:14:30,566 --> 00:14:33,335
You know, honey, every
since you were a little girl,
356
00:14:33,402 --> 00:14:35,337
you have wanted a big church wedding.
357
00:14:35,404 --> 00:14:38,840
Yeah, that's when I was
gonna marry Johnny Depp.
358
00:14:38,908 --> 00:14:41,543
Hey, you get me Depp,
I'll do it at the Vatican.
359
00:14:43,212 --> 00:14:45,480
Well, it's just that
all of our friends' kids
360
00:14:45,548 --> 00:14:47,315
are having these big, beautiful weddings,
361
00:14:47,383 --> 00:14:49,984
and... and you're talking
about nine people in the woods.
362
00:14:50,052 --> 00:14:52,487
See, that's what I think
this is really about for you,
363
00:14:52,555 --> 00:14:55,590
like having a big public
ceremony will fix everything.
364
00:14:55,658 --> 00:14:58,059
"Everything"?
What...
365
00:14:58,127 --> 00:15:00,094
All of the looks we got in the supermarket
366
00:15:00,162 --> 00:15:02,063
when I was a pregnant high-school senior,
367
00:15:02,131 --> 00:15:03,298
all the whispers.
368
00:15:03,365 --> 00:15:05,600
I think that you want
this... this big wedding
369
00:15:05,668 --> 00:15:08,670
to wash away all the shame for what I did.
370
00:15:08,737 --> 00:15:10,838
God, Kristin, no.
371
00:15:10,906 --> 00:15:13,007
No, no, no. No.
372
00:15:13,075 --> 00:15:16,678
Honey, I never, ever felt ashamed of you.
373
00:15:16,745 --> 00:15:20,248
I was so proud of the way you
handled yourself back then.
374
00:15:20,316 --> 00:15:22,050
- You were?
- Yes.
375
00:15:22,117 --> 00:15:24,786
Honey, if there's any
shame in this situation
376
00:15:24,853 --> 00:15:25,953
it's...
It's mine.
377
00:15:26,021 --> 00:15:27,455
I mean, I was the parent.
378
00:15:27,523 --> 00:15:29,123
I was the one who should
have been more aware.
379
00:15:29,191 --> 00:15:31,459
- I sh... I should have done something.
- Mom, stop. No.
380
00:15:31,527 --> 00:15:34,295
You and dad were always there for me.
381
00:15:34,363 --> 00:15:36,631
And... and now
Ryan is, too.
382
00:15:36,698 --> 00:15:40,201
N-nobody should feel guilt
or shame in this family.
383
00:15:40,269 --> 00:15:42,036
(Chuckles)
384
00:15:42,104 --> 00:15:44,872
How did you turn into such
an amazing, amazing woman
385
00:15:44,940 --> 00:15:46,741
with such a lunatic for a mom?
386
00:15:46,809 --> 00:15:49,243
You are not a lunatic.
387
00:15:49,311 --> 00:15:51,946
Ugh, wait till you drink
the mashed potatoes.
388
00:15:53,348 --> 00:15:54,448
Come here.
389
00:15:54,516 --> 00:15:55,449
I love you.
390
00:15:55,517 --> 00:15:57,418
I love you, too.
391
00:15:57,486 --> 00:15:59,620
You know, maybe Kristin and
I should just fly to Vegas
392
00:15:59,688 --> 00:16:00,888
and get married there, huh?
393
00:16:00,956 --> 00:16:02,390
Yeah, nothing says commitment
394
00:16:02,457 --> 00:16:05,760
like a town full of carrot top billboards.
395
00:16:05,827 --> 00:16:09,096
Eh!
Unh-unh-unh!
396
00:16:09,164 --> 00:16:12,767
Look, Mike, I just don't understand
397
00:16:12,834 --> 00:16:14,535
making a public spectacle out of something
398
00:16:14,603 --> 00:16:15,936
that's supposed to be personal.
399
00:16:16,004 --> 00:16:17,038
I-it's ridiculous.
400
00:16:17,105 --> 00:16:18,973
I mean, t-the big church ceremony,
401
00:16:19,041 --> 00:16:21,242
and all the people watching, and toasts.
402
00:16:21,309 --> 00:16:22,977
The didgeridoo.
403
00:16:23,045 --> 00:16:26,180
No, that is different. I picked that.
404
00:16:26,248 --> 00:16:28,182
Do you even know what a didgeridoo is,
405
00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:32,086
or just hear it on NPR during
an aromatherapy session?
406
00:16:32,154 --> 00:16:33,387
It's a musical instrument
407
00:16:33,455 --> 00:16:35,556
used by the aborigines in Australia, okay?
408
00:16:35,624 --> 00:16:37,658
I just wanted something non-traditional.
409
00:16:37,726 --> 00:16:40,561
That instrument is like 1,500 years old.
410
00:16:40,629 --> 00:16:43,497
You can't get more traditional than that.
411
00:16:43,565 --> 00:16:46,000
You seem to be comfortable
with every other ceremony
412
00:16:46,067 --> 00:16:47,835
except from the tribe that you're joining.
413
00:16:47,903 --> 00:16:50,104
Oh, so now the Baxter family is a tribe?
414
00:16:50,171 --> 00:16:53,007
That's what it says on
my new casino application.
415
00:16:54,175 --> 00:16:55,442
The wedding isn't just about
416
00:16:55,510 --> 00:16:57,945
the two people getting married, kid.
417
00:16:58,013 --> 00:17:00,381
It's about the community
that they're joining.
418
00:17:00,448 --> 00:17:03,150
The family.
419
00:17:03,218 --> 00:17:04,818
This family...
420
00:17:04,886 --> 00:17:07,288
You know, the people you keep pissing off.
421
00:17:11,860 --> 00:17:13,127
Hit me.
422
00:17:13,194 --> 00:17:15,129
Okay. (Clears throat)
423
00:17:15,196 --> 00:17:17,297
Again, this is not Blackjack.
424
00:17:17,365 --> 00:17:20,167
If you say that one more time, I will.
425
00:17:20,235 --> 00:17:22,302
Bubbles apologizes. All right.
426
00:17:22,370 --> 00:17:24,204
Aces bet 25.
427
00:17:24,272 --> 00:17:25,272
Okay.
428
00:17:25,340 --> 00:17:29,877
I...See that... and I raise you.
429
00:17:29,944 --> 00:17:32,546
I've got two aces showing.
430
00:17:32,614 --> 00:17:34,848
You've got squat. Why would you raise?
431
00:17:34,916 --> 00:17:38,485
Because I'm bluffing!
432
00:17:40,121 --> 00:17:42,055
(Clears throat)
433
00:17:42,123 --> 00:17:45,058
You know...
434
00:17:45,126 --> 00:17:46,760
I have to be honest with you.
435
00:17:46,828 --> 00:17:49,062
I don't think you're cut out for gambling.
436
00:17:49,130 --> 00:17:50,731
Yeah. Yeah.
437
00:17:50,798 --> 00:17:52,900
I appear to be awful.
438
00:17:52,967 --> 00:17:55,936
I just really needed some
extra cash for Christmas.
439
00:17:56,004 --> 00:17:59,106
You should buy less
expensive gifts for Christmas.
440
00:17:59,173 --> 00:18:01,275
Oh, no, I-I already bought all my gifts.
441
00:18:01,342 --> 00:18:03,944
And I'm not gonna tell you what I got you,
442
00:18:04,012 --> 00:18:05,445
but here's a hint.
443
00:18:05,513 --> 00:18:07,748
Glug, glug.
444
00:18:07,815 --> 00:18:09,416
(Snorts)
445
00:18:09,484 --> 00:18:11,685
So what do you need the extra cash for?
446
00:18:11,753 --> 00:18:14,187
My church is having a Christmas party
447
00:18:14,255 --> 00:18:17,024
at our homeless shelter.
448
00:18:17,091 --> 00:18:20,027
There's a lot of kids there.
449
00:18:20,094 --> 00:18:22,329
I just wanted it to be really great.
450
00:18:24,899 --> 00:18:25,966
Wait a minute.
451
00:18:28,302 --> 00:18:29,903
You've got a deuce, you got a five,
452
00:18:29,971 --> 00:18:31,405
you got a seven, you got a Jack.
453
00:18:31,472 --> 00:18:32,739
All right.
454
00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:36,176
Uh, one more card, a-and you
get a-a glenlivet straight.
455
00:18:36,244 --> 00:18:38,445
All right, let's see, uh...
You have three in the hole?
456
00:18:38,446 --> 00:18:39,579
Hmm? I do not.
457
00:18:39,647 --> 00:18:40,914
How about a queen? No.
458
00:18:40,982 --> 00:18:42,382
Eight? A four?
459
00:18:42,450 --> 00:18:44,117
Oh! I've got a four. Is that good?
460
00:18:44,185 --> 00:18:45,552
Not for me!
461
00:18:45,620 --> 00:18:46,887
You got a glenlivet straight and you win,
462
00:18:46,954 --> 00:18:49,156
and I have to pony up
an extra c-note here,
463
00:18:49,223 --> 00:18:53,226
or... or two, and, uh,
damn you, bubbles, damn you.
464
00:18:53,294 --> 00:18:56,062
(Laughing) Yes!
465
00:18:56,130 --> 00:18:58,231
You know, I think this
is a Christmas miracle.
466
00:18:58,299 --> 00:18:59,432
You know why?
467
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:01,034
'Cause this glenlivet thing that I won with
468
00:19:01,102 --> 00:19:03,436
is the same name as the scotch
I bought you for Christmas!
469
00:19:03,504 --> 00:19:04,971
Oh. Is it?
470
00:19:05,039 --> 00:19:05,972
(Sighs)
471
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,908
I just ruined your gift.
472
00:19:07,975 --> 00:19:09,910
No.
473
00:19:09,977 --> 00:19:12,579
Actually, you didn't, no.
474
00:19:12,647 --> 00:19:14,214
Merry Christmas, bubbles.
475
00:19:16,017 --> 00:19:18,585
Merry Christmas.
476
00:19:23,024 --> 00:19:25,191
Hey, everybody. I want to say something.
477
00:19:25,259 --> 00:19:26,860
Oh, boy.
478
00:19:26,927 --> 00:19:30,463
Fasten your seat belts.
It's gonna be a bumpy night.
479
00:19:30,531 --> 00:19:31,898
So, mom and I talked,
480
00:19:31,966 --> 00:19:34,601
and she has removed all of
the conditions for the wedding.
481
00:19:34,669 --> 00:19:35,869
Mm-hmm, yep, you can do it in the forest,
482
00:19:35,936 --> 00:19:39,039
and we will have a small
reception here at the house.
483
00:19:39,106 --> 00:19:42,776
We can nibble on cheese cubes
and check each other for ticks.
484
00:19:42,843 --> 00:19:45,945
Mom, dad, Mandy and I
have also been talking,
485
00:19:46,013 --> 00:19:47,280
and if you guys need some extra money
486
00:19:47,348 --> 00:19:49,282
so Kristin and Ryan can afford a reception,
487
00:19:49,350 --> 00:19:51,017
you can have some of ours.
488
00:19:51,085 --> 00:19:53,720
That is very sweet, but it's not necessary.
489
00:19:53,788 --> 00:19:55,054
See, told you they wouldn't take it
490
00:19:55,122 --> 00:19:58,391
and we would still get credit for offering.
491
00:19:58,459 --> 00:20:00,126
Well, not now.
492
00:20:00,194 --> 00:20:02,962
Actually, I have one condition.
493
00:20:03,030 --> 00:20:05,698
I think that we should
get married at St. Mark's.
494
00:20:05,766 --> 00:20:07,567
That is the family's church,
495
00:20:07,635 --> 00:20:10,203
and after all, I'm going
to be part of the family.
496
00:20:10,271 --> 00:20:12,372
Yeah, but not by blood.
497
00:20:12,439 --> 00:20:14,741
You don't get any of the casino money.
498
00:20:15,776 --> 00:20:17,310
Uh, Ryan, are you sure?
499
00:20:17,378 --> 00:20:18,545
Yeah. I'm sure.
500
00:20:18,612 --> 00:20:20,847
I...
Family hug.
501
00:20:20,915 --> 00:20:23,583
I'm just gonna be a spotter
in case somebody falls.
502
00:20:23,651 --> 00:20:25,485
Aw. Ah.
503
00:20:25,553 --> 00:20:27,220
Grandpa, light up the tree!
504
00:20:27,288 --> 00:20:30,890
All right. Hey, watch this, huh?
505
00:20:30,958 --> 00:20:32,659
(Two claps)
506
00:20:32,726 --> 00:20:34,027
Oh!
507
00:20:34,094 --> 00:20:36,396
Huh, Mike, it looks like
there's something missing.
508
00:20:36,463 --> 00:20:37,997
Tinsel.
509
00:20:38,065 --> 00:20:41,000
No. 20 grand.
510
00:20:42,236 --> 00:20:43,303
I'm hungry. Let's eat.
511
00:20:43,370 --> 00:20:45,171
I feel like drinking some potatoes.
512
00:20:49,189 --> 00:20:51,323
Silent night
513
00:20:51,391 --> 00:20:54,660
Holy night
514
00:20:54,728 --> 00:20:58,330
All is calm
515
00:20:58,398 --> 00:21:01,667
All is bright
516
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'Round yon virgin mother and child
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Sleep in heavenly peace
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00:21:10,444 --> 00:21:17,316
Sleep in heavenly peace
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00:21:17,366 --> 00:21:21,916
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