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1
00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:03,806
"Last Man Standing" is recorded in
front of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,513 --> 00:00:06,314
- Happy Valentine's Day, sweetie.
- Morning. Yeah, yeah.
3
00:00:06,348 --> 00:00:08,132
Listen, I made you
a waffle sandwich
4
00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:09,984
with bacon and sausage
for the road.
5
00:00:10,019 --> 00:00:12,487
Wow. I have died and gone to heaven.
6
00:00:12,521 --> 00:00:15,156
At least I will
if I keep eating like this.
7
00:00:15,190 --> 00:00:17,275
Almost as sweet
as what I got you.
8
00:00:17,326 --> 00:00:19,277
Oh, Mike, seriously?
9
00:00:19,328 --> 00:00:22,229
Very good, Dad.
Nice to see you stepping up.
10
00:00:22,247 --> 00:00:23,364
Oh, that's not
for Valentine's Day.
11
00:00:23,398 --> 00:00:24,449
I don't believe
in Valentine's Day.
12
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:25,566
Yeah, we know.
We know.
13
00:00:25,584 --> 00:00:27,985
It's a fake holiday.
Invented by...?
14
00:00:28,020 --> 00:00:29,420
The flower
and greeting-card cartel.
15
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:32,340
Just like the fake holiday
Saint Paddy's Day,
16
00:00:32,374 --> 00:00:33,508
invented by the people
17
00:00:33,542 --> 00:00:36,844
that make that sawdust
that soaks up vomit.
18
00:00:38,714 --> 00:00:40,848
A stun gun?
19
00:00:40,883 --> 00:00:42,967
Unbelievable!
20
00:00:43,018 --> 00:00:44,752
Not just a stun gun...
a great one.
21
00:00:44,770 --> 00:00:46,437
That thing
will take down a moose.
22
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:48,589
Probably only for,
like, 5 seconds.
23
00:00:48,607 --> 00:00:50,257
Then he'd get up, be kind of
pissed, and charge you.
24
00:00:50,275 --> 00:00:52,426
So it's not actually
for a moose.
25
00:00:52,444 --> 00:00:53,594
You want to try it out?
26
00:00:53,612 --> 00:00:56,097
Yeah, I kind of do.
27
00:00:56,115 --> 00:00:59,484
You got your wife a taser
for Valentine's Day?
28
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:01,569
It's not for Valentine's Day.
29
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:02,987
Yeah, it's also not romantic.
30
00:01:03,038 --> 00:01:05,199
I got her something to protect
her when I'm not around.
31
00:01:05,207 --> 00:01:06,824
There's nothing
more romantic than that.
32
00:01:06,875 --> 00:01:07,875
This is way more romantic
33
00:01:07,910 --> 00:01:10,878
than stupid, old perfume
or jewelry...
34
00:01:10,913 --> 00:01:14,382
Jewelry is just
a mugger magnet, honey.
35
00:01:14,416 --> 00:01:16,751
I might as well send you out
on the Serengeti
36
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:19,053
in a sundress made of meat.
37
00:01:19,088 --> 00:01:22,390
Thanks for my taser.
It's stunning!
38
00:01:22,424 --> 00:01:24,892
Boyd, what do we say
about puns?
39
00:01:24,927 --> 00:01:27,061
Lowest form of comedy.
40
00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:31,966
After all these years,
still Mr. Romance, huh?
41
00:01:31,984 --> 00:01:33,234
Yes.
42
00:01:33,268 --> 00:01:35,069
Can somebody get that?!
43
00:01:35,104 --> 00:01:36,237
You know, it's okay, honey.
44
00:01:36,271 --> 00:01:37,911
I'm used to your father's
practical gifts.
45
00:01:37,940 --> 00:01:40,975
I actually liked the coin sorter
he got me last year.
46
00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:42,476
Yeah, but once in a while,
wouldn't it be great
47
00:01:42,494 --> 00:01:44,145
to get something
personal and frivolous?
48
00:01:45,164 --> 00:01:46,948
Is anybody gonna get the door?!
49
00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,616
I was fixing breakfast!
50
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,201
I was fixing this!
51
00:01:50,252 --> 00:01:52,703
I was fixing to get the door, but
I figured somebody else would.
52
00:01:52,754 --> 00:01:53,821
Ooh! Wow.
53
00:01:53,839 --> 00:01:56,757
Oh, hey!
Kyle got me flowers!
54
00:01:56,792 --> 00:01:57,992
There's no card.
55
00:01:58,010 --> 00:02:00,128
What kind of an idiot
forgets the card?
56
00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:02,430
Hey, Kyle got Mandy flowers.
57
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,768
No, we don't know that.
They could be for anybody.
58
00:02:07,803 --> 00:02:09,554
Gosh, they're beautiful.
59
00:02:09,605 --> 00:02:12,056
- Well, we know they're not for Eve.
- And why not?
60
00:02:12,107 --> 00:02:15,309
Guys don't usually send flowers
to girls they're afraid of.
61
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,178
They do if they know
what's good for 'em.
62
00:02:18,113 --> 00:02:20,181
And we know
Dad didn't buy them for Mom.
63
00:02:20,199 --> 00:02:22,066
Oh, you know what?
Fine, rub it in.
64
00:02:22,117 --> 00:02:23,201
But good luck to you lovebirds
65
00:02:23,235 --> 00:02:25,653
when you're trying
to sort coins by hand.
66
00:02:26,687 --> 00:02:29,991
Ergo, since you
don't even live here,
67
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,359
these babies got to be for moi.
68
00:02:32,377 --> 00:02:33,461
Seriously, you think Kyle
69
00:02:33,495 --> 00:02:35,329
would spend
hundreds of dollars on roses?
70
00:02:35,363 --> 00:02:37,999
He spent $200 on a date once,
and dinner only cost $20,
71
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,333
but he was really determined
72
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:42,536
to get me that rasta-banana
out of the claw machine.
73
00:02:42,554 --> 00:02:43,721
You know what?
No, no, no.
74
00:02:43,755 --> 00:02:44,839
Now that I think about it,
75
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,841
I think that these flowers
might be for me.
76
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,176
Kris, you live with Ryan.
77
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:50,094
Why would he send flowers here?
78
00:02:50,145 --> 00:02:51,596
No, he didn't,
and Ryan already gave me
79
00:02:51,647 --> 00:02:52,930
my present this morning.
80
00:02:52,981 --> 00:02:54,548
Gross.
81
00:02:54,566 --> 00:02:57,768
And a single red rose
on my pillow.
82
00:02:57,819 --> 00:02:59,654
Gross and cheap.
83
00:02:59,688 --> 00:03:02,657
Actually, I think these flowers
might be from my boss.
84
00:03:02,691 --> 00:03:04,992
The successful and dreamy
John Baker.
85
00:03:05,027 --> 00:03:07,161
Mm-hmm. I'd hit that.
86
00:03:08,864 --> 00:03:10,331
Oh, it's an expression.
87
00:03:10,365 --> 00:03:12,283
It just means
I'd have sex with him.
88
00:03:12,334 --> 00:03:14,118
Yeah, okay. All right.
Uh, honey, listen.
89
00:03:14,169 --> 00:03:15,286
Is... is there
something going on
90
00:03:15,337 --> 00:03:16,671
between you and John Baker?
91
00:03:16,705 --> 00:03:18,506
No, no, no, but I just think
he's really hung up on me,
92
00:03:18,540 --> 00:03:20,041
and it would be so his style
93
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:21,742
to send flowers here
anonymously.
94
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,010
Well, it seems like
95
00:03:23,045 --> 00:03:24,795
somebody has a pretty high
opinion of herself,
96
00:03:24,846 --> 00:03:27,465
which is
a very unflattering trait.
97
00:03:27,516 --> 00:03:30,417
- Plus, it's kind of my thing.
- Okay, cool it.
98
00:03:30,435 --> 00:03:31,919
John's been
really attentive lately.
99
00:03:31,937 --> 00:03:33,688
He's been walking me
to my car every night.
100
00:03:33,722 --> 00:03:34,855
Yeah, but...
but you are carrying
101
00:03:34,890 --> 00:03:36,524
the bank deposit
for the restaurant.
102
00:03:36,558 --> 00:03:39,527
Maybe he's being attentive
to his money.
103
00:03:39,561 --> 00:03:43,447
Huh. Snap.
Valentine's burn, Mom.
104
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,100
You know what?
That's it.
105
00:03:46,118 --> 00:03:47,768
All this talk
about these stupid flowers...
106
00:03:47,786 --> 00:03:49,603
I want in on some
of this Valentine's swag.
107
00:03:49,621 --> 00:03:51,289
I think it's time
for me to go out
108
00:03:51,323 --> 00:03:52,907
and get myself
a real boyfriend.
109
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,042
It's not like going to the pound
and picking out a puppy.
110
00:03:55,077 --> 00:03:56,110
You kidding?
111
00:03:56,128 --> 00:03:57,611
I'll have this locked down
by dinner.
112
00:03:59,464 --> 00:04:03,834
I'd be very afraid to be
a teenage boy right about now.
113
00:04:03,885 --> 00:04:08,038
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
114
00:04:09,489 --> 00:04:13,593
Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man
with a few words about Valentine's Day...
115
00:04:13,661 --> 00:04:15,862
Phony, stupid con game.
116
00:04:16,930 --> 00:04:18,532
You know,I don't know who's dumber...
117
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,368
the women who are charmedby a mandatory romantic gesture
118
00:04:21,436 --> 00:04:23,203
or the menwho shell out big bucks
119
00:04:23,271 --> 00:04:25,038
for pretty much a fake holiday.
120
00:04:25,356 --> 00:04:27,457
As a protest,Outdoor Man is having
121
00:04:27,525 --> 00:04:29,960
a Valentine's Day non-sale.
122
00:04:30,027 --> 00:04:31,962
Not only will nothingbe discounted,
123
00:04:32,029 --> 00:04:34,464
we'll actually be charging morefor anything we think
124
00:04:34,532 --> 00:04:36,633
you might be giving your ladyas a gift.
125
00:04:36,701 --> 00:04:41,304
Check out these polyesterfur-lined gloves, normally $50.
126
00:04:41,372 --> 00:04:44,074
Today only... $1,200.
127
00:04:45,642 --> 00:04:48,745
Surprise is the keyto keeping romance alive.
128
00:04:49,313 --> 00:04:51,415
And nothing will surprisethe love of your life more
129
00:04:51,482 --> 00:04:55,052
on Valentine's Daythan getting nothing.
130
00:04:57,221 --> 00:04:59,589
Hey. Happy Valentine's,
sweetie!
131
00:04:59,657 --> 00:05:01,091
Aww, thank you so much
132
00:05:01,159 --> 00:05:03,994
for that huge bouquet of roses
you sent me!
133
00:05:04,062 --> 00:05:06,163
Oh, my God!
You would be so welcome...
134
00:05:09,333 --> 00:05:11,835
...you know,
if I had actually done that.
135
00:05:11,903 --> 00:05:14,938
Oh, so they were for Kristin.
136
00:05:15,006 --> 00:05:17,374
No, why would I
send Kristin flowers?
137
00:05:18,976 --> 00:05:22,079
You're not
making any sense, Mandy.
138
00:05:22,146 --> 00:05:23,914
I'll give you your present
when I see you tonight.
139
00:05:23,981 --> 00:05:26,183
Okay, and I'll give you
yours tonight.
140
00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:29,453
Ooh.
I hope it's socks.
141
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:31,321
Bye.
142
00:05:31,389 --> 00:05:34,658
Ah, young
love... so inspiring,
143
00:05:34,726 --> 00:05:37,828
and so much more photogenic
than old love.
144
00:05:38,997 --> 00:05:40,263
If you don't mind my asking,
145
00:05:40,331 --> 00:05:41,632
what did you give Mandy, hmm?
146
00:05:41,699 --> 00:05:43,300
Oh, no, I don't mind.
147
00:05:43,368 --> 00:05:45,502
I made this for her.
148
00:05:45,570 --> 00:05:46,503
Is that ivory?
149
00:05:46,571 --> 00:05:48,505
Irish spring, actually.
150
00:05:48,573 --> 00:05:49,673
Mm!
151
00:05:49,741 --> 00:05:51,508
I carved it out of soap.
152
00:05:51,576 --> 00:05:53,143
Really? Well, I like it!
153
00:05:53,211 --> 00:05:56,279
And I like it, too!
154
00:05:56,347 --> 00:05:58,282
Very impressive handiwork here.
155
00:05:58,349 --> 00:06:01,151
- It's Mandy's favorite bird, the
Mountain Bluebird. - Oh. Ah. Uh-huh.
156
00:06:01,219 --> 00:06:02,319
We saw one in the park one day,
157
00:06:02,387 --> 00:06:03,820
and then we saw one
the next day,
158
00:06:03,888 --> 00:06:06,056
and so now she thinks
they're our guardian angel.
159
00:06:06,124 --> 00:06:08,725
I think they live in the park.
160
00:06:08,793 --> 00:06:10,027
Here.
161
00:06:10,094 --> 00:06:12,062
Are... are... are you certain
that... that Mandy's
162
00:06:12,130 --> 00:06:14,998
the kind of girl who's gonna be
happy with a soap bird?
163
00:06:15,066 --> 00:06:17,300
I hope so.
That's all I can afford.
164
00:06:17,368 --> 00:06:20,470
You know, I don't exactly
make a lot of money here.
165
00:06:20,538 --> 00:06:23,640
Yeah, I know.
It's rough.
166
00:06:23,708 --> 00:06:25,809
I wish there was something
I could do.
167
00:06:25,877 --> 00:06:26,777
Good luck.
168
00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:30,380
Yeah.
169
00:06:30,448 --> 00:06:33,717
Yeah, Mike.
170
00:06:33,785 --> 00:06:37,054
I saw your Valentine's vlog,
Mikey.
171
00:06:38,456 --> 00:06:40,557
"Ladies love Cool J,"
172
00:06:40,625 --> 00:06:44,027
but they're about to
go "gangsta" on Mike "Baxta"!
173
00:06:44,095 --> 00:06:45,562
I think that Valentine's Day
174
00:06:45,630 --> 00:06:48,198
takes the spontaneity
out of love.
175
00:06:48,266 --> 00:06:51,201
When I give Vanessa
a surprise romantic gesture,
176
00:06:51,269 --> 00:06:52,703
she knows it's authentic.
177
00:06:52,770 --> 00:06:55,038
When was your last
surprise romantic gesture?
178
00:06:55,106 --> 00:06:57,541
I sent her a little arrangement
of roses just today.
179
00:06:57,608 --> 00:06:59,476
I'm... I'm... I'm...
I'm confused now.
180
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,378
You don't celebrate
Valentine's Day.
181
00:07:01,446 --> 00:07:05,015
That's what makes it
a surprise!
182
00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:06,550
She's not expecting it.
183
00:07:06,617 --> 00:07:08,885
- Because you don't celebrate
Valentine's Day. - Exactly.
184
00:07:08,953 --> 00:07:12,689
Making it... a surprise.
185
00:07:12,757 --> 00:07:14,925
Today's Valentine's Day.
Everybody sends flowers.
186
00:07:14,993 --> 00:07:17,294
I don't.
187
00:07:17,362 --> 00:07:20,530
Thus... the surprise.
188
00:07:20,598 --> 00:07:22,366
Okay. Come on. All right.
189
00:07:22,433 --> 00:07:24,301
- Let... let me follow this.
- All right.
190
00:07:24,369 --> 00:07:27,237
Now, for 25 years, you've been
crapping on Valentine's Day
191
00:07:27,305 --> 00:07:28,905
because it's not spontaneous.
192
00:07:28,973 --> 00:07:31,908
This year, you buy her flowers,
thus making it spontaneous.
193
00:07:31,976 --> 00:07:33,076
Listen to me.
194
00:07:33,144 --> 00:07:35,078
I'm the only guy on the planet
195
00:07:35,146 --> 00:07:38,915
that can surprise his wife
with flowers...
196
00:07:38,983 --> 00:07:41,485
On Valentine's Day.
197
00:07:43,052 --> 00:07:44,920
It's ingenious!
198
00:07:49,112 --> 00:07:50,912
Gentlemen,
I've invited you here today
199
00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:52,420
because I've decided
it's time for me
200
00:07:52,481 --> 00:07:54,582
to have a real boyfriend.
201
00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:57,835
Um, I-I-I got a note
to come here.
202
00:07:57,903 --> 00:08:00,138
Grab some chair, Justin.
203
00:08:02,041 --> 00:08:04,042
1400 hours doesn't mean 1401.
204
00:08:06,011 --> 00:08:07,445
I'm here to congratulate
the three of you
205
00:08:07,513 --> 00:08:08,579
on being finalists
206
00:08:08,647 --> 00:08:10,348
for the position
of Eve's boyfriend.
207
00:08:12,348 --> 00:08:14,444
All right!
208
00:08:14,486 --> 00:08:15,753
When I look around this room,
209
00:08:15,821 --> 00:08:19,190
it's an honor
just being nominated.
210
00:08:19,258 --> 00:08:21,025
Wait. This says
the principal wanted to see me.
211
00:08:21,093 --> 00:08:23,094
Did you steal this
from his office?
212
00:08:23,162 --> 00:08:26,097
I'll ask the questions here.
213
00:08:26,165 --> 00:08:29,634
Look, I know
all three of you like me, but...
214
00:08:29,701 --> 00:08:30,968
Uh, for the record,
215
00:08:31,036 --> 00:08:32,570
I've liked you since
third grade, and I can prove it!
216
00:08:32,638 --> 00:08:34,705
I keep a pretty detailed diary.
217
00:08:34,773 --> 00:08:36,541
Yeah, and, uh,
for the record...
218
00:08:36,608 --> 00:08:38,476
Boom.
219
00:08:38,544 --> 00:08:41,045
And for the record,
Matt already has a girlfriend.
220
00:08:41,113 --> 00:08:43,281
Eve would be a total upgrade.
221
00:08:43,349 --> 00:08:45,817
She's pretty hot
for a jock chick.
222
00:08:46,384 --> 00:08:48,119
Enough of the chitchat, ladies.
223
00:08:48,187 --> 00:08:49,454
We only got an hour here.
224
00:08:49,521 --> 00:08:52,557
There's going to be
a multiple-choice quiz,
225
00:08:52,624 --> 00:08:55,827
a fitness test,
and a short essay on the topic
226
00:08:55,894 --> 00:08:58,329
"Eve...
smart girl who's pretty
227
00:08:58,397 --> 00:09:00,231
or pretty girl
who's smart?"
228
00:09:00,299 --> 00:09:03,034
Or pretty girl
who's lost her mind.
229
00:09:03,102 --> 00:09:05,703
Look, Eve.
230
00:09:05,771 --> 00:09:07,371
I like you, okay?
231
00:09:07,439 --> 00:09:09,173
And if you want to
go out sometime,
232
00:09:09,241 --> 00:09:10,775
then you know where to find me.
233
00:09:10,843 --> 00:09:12,977
But I'm not gonna
jump through hoops for you.
234
00:09:13,045 --> 00:09:14,979
W... hey, wait.
235
00:09:15,047 --> 00:09:16,147
You can opt out on the hoops
236
00:09:16,215 --> 00:09:18,282
and just do the rope climb,
I mean...
237
00:09:19,985 --> 00:09:21,219
Ugh.
238
00:09:25,790 --> 00:09:27,892
So, we are completely booked
for tonight.
239
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,093
Yeah?
240
00:09:29,161 --> 00:09:31,362
I bet you wish every day
was Valentine's Day.
241
00:09:31,430 --> 00:09:32,563
Uh, no.
242
00:09:32,631 --> 00:09:34,899
I'd go broke buying gifts
for my Valentine.
243
00:09:34,967 --> 00:09:37,268
Uh, a-about that.
244
00:09:37,336 --> 00:09:40,204
That was the biggest bouquet
I have ever seen.
245
00:09:40,272 --> 00:09:41,906
Huh?
246
00:09:41,974 --> 00:09:44,742
You're gonna make me say it,
aren't you? Uh...
247
00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:48,079
look, uh, I th-think
you're a really great guy.
248
00:09:48,147 --> 00:09:51,582
Thanks! I'm glad
I could pull that out of you.
249
00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:56,053
But you have to know how happy
I am with Ryan right now.
250
00:09:56,121 --> 00:09:58,923
Kris, I think
there's been a misunderstanding.
251
00:09:58,991 --> 00:10:01,392
Am I misunderstanding
you walking me
252
00:10:01,460 --> 00:10:02,894
to my car every night?
253
00:10:03,961 --> 00:10:06,230
You carry the bank deposit.
254
00:10:07,466 --> 00:10:09,400
Obviously, it's very flattering
255
00:10:09,468 --> 00:10:11,636
that you're still
so into me, but...
256
00:10:11,703 --> 00:10:12,937
You need to move on.
257
00:10:14,807 --> 00:10:16,574
I'm getting
so many compliments
258
00:10:16,642 --> 00:10:18,876
on my new bracelet, Johnny!
259
00:10:21,346 --> 00:10:24,482
Mm.
260
00:10:25,350 --> 00:10:26,984
Isn't it beautiful?
261
00:10:27,052 --> 00:10:30,154
Oh, wow! That's so beautiful,
Rachel!
262
00:10:30,222 --> 00:10:32,824
Yes. Oh, my God.
263
00:10:32,891 --> 00:10:34,992
You did know that Rachel and I
were a thing, right?
264
00:10:35,060 --> 00:10:36,160
Of course!
265
00:10:36,228 --> 00:10:38,729
I am the assistant manager
around here.
266
00:10:38,797 --> 00:10:40,364
I am on top of everything.
267
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
268
00:10:47,205 --> 00:10:49,506
- Hey.
- Hey.
269
00:10:50,074 --> 00:10:52,844
Well, don't even think
about cooking dinner,
270
00:10:52,911 --> 00:10:54,445
because I brought it home.
271
00:10:54,513 --> 00:10:56,814
That is sweet,
because I am exhausted.
272
00:10:59,017 --> 00:11:00,318
Hot dogs?!
273
00:11:00,385 --> 00:11:01,686
Yeah!
274
00:11:01,753 --> 00:11:04,388
I saw this guy on YouTube
cook these by tasering them.
275
00:11:06,191 --> 00:11:07,592
Then, if it stops raining,
276
00:11:07,659 --> 00:11:09,026
we can go out and see if
we can blow up this watermelon.
277
00:11:09,094 --> 00:11:11,863
And they say every love story's
already been told.
278
00:11:11,930 --> 00:11:14,866
Listen, uh, honey, I'm sorry,
279
00:11:14,933 --> 00:11:17,335
but, uh, I gave the taser away.
280
00:11:17,403 --> 00:11:18,402
Why would you give away
my gift?
281
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:19,670
It's not like it was
282
00:11:19,671 --> 00:11:20,905
some kind of special
Valentine's Day present.
283
00:11:20,973 --> 00:11:22,006
I gave it to Kristin.
284
00:11:22,074 --> 00:11:24,142
I mean,
we could boil these hot dogs,
285
00:11:24,209 --> 00:11:26,511
but no one's gonna watch that
on YouTube.
286
00:11:26,578 --> 00:11:29,947
Hey!
Some beautiful flowers there.
287
00:11:30,015 --> 00:11:32,049
Somebody must be excited...
288
00:11:32,117 --> 00:11:33,684
And appreciative.
289
00:11:36,588 --> 00:11:37,889
- There was no card.
- What?
290
00:11:37,956 --> 00:11:40,057
I know we don't do
Valentine's Day,
291
00:11:40,125 --> 00:11:41,959
but I got to tell you,
when these arrived,
292
00:11:42,027 --> 00:11:44,195
it was a little like
rubbing salt in a wound.
293
00:11:45,430 --> 00:11:46,697
And lemon.
294
00:11:49,368 --> 00:11:52,303
And alcohol.
295
00:11:52,371 --> 00:11:55,473
Why don't you just say
"Margarita"?
296
00:11:55,541 --> 00:11:57,809
I don't know what
happened to the card, honey.
297
00:11:57,876 --> 00:11:59,977
I sent you those flowers.
298
00:12:04,316 --> 00:12:06,084
Okay.
299
00:12:06,151 --> 00:12:07,418
Honey, I sent those flowers!
300
00:12:07,486 --> 00:12:09,253
Honey, stop!
It's okay!
301
00:12:09,321 --> 00:12:11,422
I got a... I tell you...
I tell you, I got a receipt!
302
00:12:11,490 --> 00:12:13,357
Let me show you!
I got a receipt.
303
00:12:13,425 --> 00:12:16,060
Yeah, for 25 years,
I know the guy I married!
304
00:12:16,128 --> 00:12:17,228
Right there...
I got a receipt.
305
00:12:17,296 --> 00:12:19,230
It says right there,
"stun gun."
306
00:12:19,298 --> 00:12:21,232
No. Hey!
307
00:12:23,235 --> 00:12:24,302
This is ridiculous!
308
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:25,803
You send flowers,
you lose the card?
309
00:12:25,871 --> 00:12:26,904
What's up?
310
00:12:26,972 --> 00:12:28,673
Hey, Mr. B.
Happy Valentine's Day.
311
00:12:28,741 --> 00:12:30,274
Yeah. It's cold,
and you're all wet!
312
00:12:30,342 --> 00:12:31,442
Yeah, it's freezing.
313
00:12:31,510 --> 00:12:33,911
Yeah. Gee.
Mandy, Kyle's here!
314
00:12:33,979 --> 00:12:35,713
Hey, you sure it's not for me?
315
00:12:35,781 --> 00:12:37,749
I just said,
"Kyle was here."
316
00:12:37,816 --> 00:12:39,083
It's Kyle?
Why didn't you let him in?!
317
00:12:39,151 --> 00:12:40,218
It's not my boyfriend.
318
00:12:40,285 --> 00:12:42,053
I got my own
ball and chain to deal with.
319
00:12:42,121 --> 00:12:43,321
Hi.
320
00:12:43,389 --> 00:12:45,356
Oh, my God. This is just like
in "The Notebook"!
321
00:12:45,424 --> 00:12:46,658
Hey.
322
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:48,860
I just want to leap in your arms
and close my eyes
323
00:12:48,927 --> 00:12:50,167
and pretend
you're Ryan Gosling.
324
00:12:50,229 --> 00:12:51,329
Wait.
325
00:12:51,397 --> 00:12:53,097
I got you something better
than a Gosling.
326
00:12:59,871 --> 00:13:02,874
It's a Mountain Bluebird.
327
00:13:03,441 --> 00:13:05,243
It is?
328
00:13:05,311 --> 00:13:09,981
Yeah, I, uh...
I-I carved it out of soap.
329
00:13:10,049 --> 00:13:11,983
Oh!
330
00:13:12,051 --> 00:13:14,118
Is the bird
underneath the bubbles?
331
00:13:15,186 --> 00:13:18,389
Uh, I think the bird
is the bubbles.
332
00:13:19,858 --> 00:13:21,259
It was supposed to be
a bluebird... you know,
333
00:13:21,327 --> 00:13:22,794
like the one from the park,
our guardian angel.
334
00:13:22,861 --> 00:13:24,462
That is so lame!
335
00:13:24,530 --> 00:13:27,732
No. No, that actually took
a lot of thought.
336
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,902
Followed immediately
by complete absence of thought.
337
00:13:30,970 --> 00:13:33,404
You know what? That's actually
the perfect gift.
338
00:13:33,472 --> 00:13:35,607
I would rather have
a boyfriend who listens to me
339
00:13:35,674 --> 00:13:38,076
and makes me a heartfelt gift
instead of going into debt
340
00:13:38,143 --> 00:13:40,578
buying something
expensive and stupid.
341
00:13:40,646 --> 00:13:42,780
Am I the only one
who gets this holiday?
342
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:51,068
I'll get it!
343
00:13:53,639 --> 00:13:54,672
Hi, Eve.
344
00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:57,141
Wow. Truffles. Nice.
345
00:13:57,209 --> 00:13:59,510
Sure beats
a bird made out of soap.
346
00:14:00,378 --> 00:14:03,180
Uh, sit there and don't put
your feet on anything.
347
00:14:03,848 --> 00:14:06,651
Hey, Evie.
Uh, who's this?
348
00:14:06,718 --> 00:14:08,653
Oh, this is
my new boyfriend, Andrew...
349
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,422
but by a narrow margin.
350
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,374
Could have gone either way.
351
00:14:13,442 --> 00:14:14,709
Hello, Andrew.
352
00:14:14,776 --> 00:14:17,144
Hello, Mrs. Baxter.
You have a beautiful home.
353
00:14:17,212 --> 00:14:18,412
Oh, thank you.
354
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:20,681
He's polite
and writes a strong essay.
355
00:14:20,749 --> 00:14:23,350
But he's no arm wrestler,
I'll tell you that.
356
00:14:23,418 --> 00:14:25,719
I have carpal tunnel.
357
00:14:25,787 --> 00:14:29,323
Making excuses?
Not a good color on you, Andrew.
358
00:14:29,391 --> 00:14:30,758
Got to hand it to you, Eve.
359
00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:33,427
You actually brought home
a boyfriend for Valentine's Day.
360
00:14:33,495 --> 00:14:37,264
Yeah. Said I would.
And I don't mess around.
361
00:14:37,332 --> 00:14:38,612
You know,
that's another thing...
362
00:14:38,667 --> 00:14:40,401
I don't mess around.
363
00:14:43,438 --> 00:14:45,706
I'm gonna go get a soda.
364
00:14:45,774 --> 00:14:48,042
"Can I get you anything,
Andrew?!"
365
00:14:48,110 --> 00:14:49,210
Oh, he's fine.
366
00:14:49,277 --> 00:14:51,078
He's got to get us
reservations somewhere.
367
00:14:51,146 --> 00:14:52,580
Last-minute
on Valentine's Day.
368
00:14:52,647 --> 00:14:55,316
We'll see what
kind of juice this kid's got.
369
00:14:57,585 --> 00:14:59,420
Hey, Ryan. Squirt.
370
00:14:59,488 --> 00:15:01,422
Hey. Having
a good Valentine's Day?
371
00:15:01,490 --> 00:15:03,924
Oh, yeah. My boyfriend's
taking me out tonight.
372
00:15:03,992 --> 00:15:05,259
Uh, he's in the living room
373
00:15:05,327 --> 00:15:06,767
if you want to go
take a look at him.
374
00:15:07,996 --> 00:15:09,597
I want to take a look at him!
375
00:15:11,241 --> 00:15:12,791
Where are you taking Kris tonight?
376
00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:14,435
Ah, Kris is working tonight.
377
00:15:14,502 --> 00:15:17,938
Huh. Mm.
And you're okay with that?
378
00:15:18,006 --> 00:15:19,740
Uh yeah!
Why wouldn't I be?
379
00:15:19,808 --> 00:15:22,743
Uh, well, apparently,
that John Baker guy's into her.
380
00:15:22,811 --> 00:15:24,378
He wants to "hit that."
381
00:15:26,214 --> 00:15:27,948
It's an expression.
You know, it means that he...
382
00:15:28,016 --> 00:15:30,317
Yeah, I know what it means.
383
00:15:30,385 --> 00:15:31,986
He got her
that big-ass bouquet in there.
384
00:15:35,624 --> 00:15:37,224
John really sent her those?
385
00:15:37,292 --> 00:15:39,360
Yeah. He walks her
to her car every night, too.
386
00:15:39,427 --> 00:15:41,128
I have a boyfriend now,
387
00:15:41,196 --> 00:15:42,830
so I know
how these animals operate.
388
00:15:43,898 --> 00:15:46,166
- Hi, Ryan.
- Oh, hey.
389
00:15:46,234 --> 00:15:48,168
Yeah, uh, I'll... I'll be back
later to pick up Boyd.
390
00:15:48,236 --> 00:15:50,504
Oh, yeah, no problem.
Got no special plans.
391
00:15:50,572 --> 00:15:53,007
I'll just be here
sorting coins.
392
00:15:53,074 --> 00:15:54,808
Beat it, pip-squeak!
393
00:15:56,544 --> 00:15:58,979
So...
394
00:15:59,047 --> 00:16:01,081
How did you two lovebirds
find each other?
395
00:16:01,149 --> 00:16:03,250
Ran a couple of guys
through a maze,
396
00:16:03,318 --> 00:16:06,320
and, uh, he's the one
that got the cheese!
397
00:16:07,522 --> 00:16:09,290
Hmm. Cheese.
398
00:16:09,357 --> 00:16:11,959
Hey, uh, Andrew,
could you go get me a snack?
399
00:16:12,027 --> 00:16:15,296
Cheese, on crackers... the round
ones, not the saltines?
400
00:16:15,363 --> 00:16:16,263
Oh.
401
00:16:18,500 --> 00:16:20,934
Wow. Nice catch.
402
00:16:21,002 --> 00:16:23,137
Thought you wanted a boyfriend,
not a butler.
403
00:16:23,204 --> 00:16:26,006
It's love, Mom.
He's all things to me.
404
00:16:26,574 --> 00:16:28,676
I'm just wondering, long term,
405
00:16:28,743 --> 00:16:30,811
how happy you're going to be
with a guy
406
00:16:30,879 --> 00:16:32,846
who does everything
you tell him to.
407
00:16:32,914 --> 00:16:35,149
Well, so far,
I've kind of enjoyed it.
408
00:16:35,216 --> 00:16:38,319
I mean... The guy got me candy
on Valentine's Day.
409
00:16:38,386 --> 00:16:40,187
Dad got you a taser.
410
00:16:40,255 --> 00:16:42,022
No, your father is romantic.
411
00:16:42,090 --> 00:16:46,026
It's just... he shows his love
in ways that... that...
412
00:16:46,094 --> 00:16:48,896
that don't...
look anything like love.
413
00:16:48,963 --> 00:16:51,231
Mom,
come on. I-I-I saw.
414
00:16:51,299 --> 00:16:53,540
You were disappointed when
these flowers weren't for you.
415
00:16:53,568 --> 00:16:55,335
I mean, I... sure, yeah.
416
00:16:55,403 --> 00:16:57,337
I mean, I... there's
a part of me that wishes
417
00:16:57,405 --> 00:17:00,107
your father would do
what's predictable and expected,
418
00:17:00,175 --> 00:17:02,242
like...
like Valentine's Day flowers,
419
00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:06,246
but... honey,
I am so much happier
420
00:17:06,314 --> 00:17:08,916
being with a guy
who doesn't jump through hoops
421
00:17:08,983 --> 00:17:11,085
just because somebody
invented a holiday!
422
00:17:11,152 --> 00:17:12,720
Hmm.
423
00:17:12,787 --> 00:17:14,355
Okay!
424
00:17:14,422 --> 00:17:17,024
I've arranged the crackers
into a heart,
425
00:17:17,092 --> 00:17:19,927
and the cheese...
is the arrow.
426
00:17:24,299 --> 00:17:26,066
Andrew...
427
00:17:26,134 --> 00:17:28,435
We've always been honest
with each other, you know?
428
00:17:30,841 --> 00:17:31,797
Yeah, it's over.
429
00:17:34,075 --> 00:17:35,315
I should have seen this coming.
430
00:17:35,377 --> 00:17:36,543
I guess I was just hoping...
431
00:17:36,611 --> 00:17:39,246
Let's not draw this out.
432
00:17:39,314 --> 00:17:40,547
Right.
433
00:17:40,615 --> 00:17:42,583
Well, you know, at least
you guys don't have kids.
434
00:17:42,650 --> 00:17:44,418
That's where these breakups
get messy.
435
00:17:46,287 --> 00:17:49,757
Hey, uh, can I use you as a
referral for my next girlfriend?
436
00:17:49,824 --> 00:17:50,958
Sure.
437
00:17:51,025 --> 00:17:53,227
Can I say we went on
an actual date?
438
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,120
Fine.
439
00:17:55,163 --> 00:17:56,897
Can I say we made out?
440
00:17:56,965 --> 00:17:58,065
Uh, no!
441
00:17:58,133 --> 00:17:59,466
And you just lost
your referral!
442
00:18:00,969 --> 00:18:02,636
Hey, it was nice
meeting you, Andrew.
443
00:18:02,704 --> 00:18:05,139
Oh, and I still need you
to proof my history paper!
444
00:18:05,206 --> 00:18:06,707
Oh, wait, uh, Mrs. Baxter,
445
00:18:06,775 --> 00:18:08,375
I found this in your bushes.
446
00:18:08,443 --> 00:18:10,077
Oh. Thanks.
447
00:18:10,145 --> 00:18:11,111
What's all this about?
448
00:18:11,179 --> 00:18:14,114
Uh, Eve's...
449
00:18:14,182 --> 00:18:17,951
Ex-boyfriend, uh,
just...
450
00:18:18,019 --> 00:18:20,421
Found the... the card
for the flowers. Uh...
451
00:18:20,488 --> 00:18:21,655
Interesting.
452
00:18:21,723 --> 00:18:24,158
Yeah. It says,
"To Vanessa."
453
00:18:24,225 --> 00:18:25,492
Huh.
454
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,829
And, um... Uh, look. There's,
uh... there's a message.
455
00:18:28,897 --> 00:18:31,799
Maybe I have some romance
left in me, huh?
456
00:18:33,601 --> 00:18:35,369
"To Vanessa.
457
00:18:35,937 --> 00:18:38,172
Bet you didn't see
this coming."
458
00:18:41,676 --> 00:18:43,142
"Ha!"
459
00:18:46,848 --> 00:18:48,749
"In your face."
460
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,988
"Love, Mike."
461
00:18:55,056 --> 00:18:56,657
Mike...
462
00:18:56,725 --> 00:18:58,625
...thank you!
463
00:19:00,528 --> 00:19:02,996
Happy February 14th!
464
00:19:17,044 --> 00:19:19,279
You sure you don't want me
to walk you to your car?
465
00:19:19,347 --> 00:19:22,249
Oh, uh, no.
I'm covered.
466
00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:28,555
Happy Valentine's Day!
467
00:19:28,623 --> 00:19:30,190
Right back at you.
468
00:19:33,027 --> 00:19:34,795
- Hey, lady.
- Aah!
469
00:19:35,964 --> 00:19:38,165
Oh, my gosh!
470
00:19:38,233 --> 00:19:39,566
I'm so sorry!
471
00:19:39,634 --> 00:19:44,238
I'm so... you... you scared
the crap out of me, Ryan!
472
00:19:44,305 --> 00:19:46,240
I haven't checked yet, but...
473
00:19:46,308 --> 00:19:48,475
I think I'm in the same boat!
474
00:19:48,943 --> 00:19:50,177
Kristin, you okay?
What happened?
475
00:19:50,245 --> 00:19:51,845
Oh, God!
476
00:19:51,913 --> 00:19:54,615
Uh, no, I...
I accidentally tased Ryan.
477
00:19:55,784 --> 00:19:57,217
He's fine.
You... you should go.
478
00:19:57,285 --> 00:19:59,720
No, stick around!
479
00:19:59,788 --> 00:20:02,122
Give me 5 minutes
to get up to my feet,
480
00:20:02,190 --> 00:20:04,224
and then I'm gonna
kick your ass!
481
00:20:04,292 --> 00:20:07,061
Ryan, honey, nothing is going on
between me and John, okay?
482
00:20:07,128 --> 00:20:08,228
Yeah, th-that's right.
483
00:20:08,296 --> 00:20:11,065
There's no way
I can compete with you.
484
00:20:11,132 --> 00:20:13,133
Oh, honey, flowers?
Baby!
485
00:20:17,968 --> 00:20:21,905
Customarily, at this point
in the Valentine's festivities,
486
00:20:21,973 --> 00:20:26,910
the man and the woman
retire to the bedchamber.
487
00:20:29,314 --> 00:20:30,414
But I know how you feel
488
00:20:30,482 --> 00:20:33,250
about mandatory
romantic gestures, so...
489
00:20:33,568 --> 00:20:35,168
Hey, hey, say no more.
490
00:20:35,236 --> 00:20:36,436
This is one area
491
00:20:36,504 --> 00:20:38,705
where Mike Baxter
and "St. Valentine" agree.
492
00:20:38,773 --> 00:20:39,706
Hmm.
493
00:20:39,774 --> 00:20:41,108
Let's go to bed.
Mm-hmm.
494
00:20:48,182 --> 00:20:50,984
You know, Mike, these flowers
really are beautiful.
495
00:20:51,052 --> 00:20:53,020
You act tough,
but you're a softy.
496
00:20:53,087 --> 00:20:54,521
Not a word I'd like used
to describe me
497
00:20:54,589 --> 00:20:56,223
in this present situation.
498
00:20:57,959 --> 00:21:00,894
But a little romance is not
the worst thing in the world.
499
00:21:02,630 --> 00:21:04,698
That is the worst thing
in the world.
500
00:21:06,467 --> 00:21:10,404
Oh, that's that cute boy Justin
from Junior ROTC!
501
00:21:10,471 --> 00:21:13,240
Two soldiers kissing...
thank you, Obama.
502
00:21:20,260 --> 00:21:24,794
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
503
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,114
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player
504
00:21:28,164 --> 00:21:32,714
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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