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"Last Man Standing" was recorded
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in front of a live studio audience.
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Hello, my beautiful sister.
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Yes, let's lock that in as
your standard greeting.
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Yeah! What are you so happy about?
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00:00:14,256 --> 00:00:16,591
This hot guy, Wyatt
Pierce, he talked to me today.
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My God.
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I remember the first
hot guy who talked to me.
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We were in second grade,
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and he already knew he
wanted to be a doctor.
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So, um, first, he, likechecked up on my...
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Me, Mandy. We're talking about me.
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Wyatt asked me to copy my homework.
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Yeah, no, you don't want
to let him do that.
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I'm pretty sure I do.
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00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:38,279
No, sweetie, he's using you.
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I think he might really like me, Mandy
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okay, well, if hot guy likes you now,
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00:00:41,984 --> 00:00:43,735
he's gonna want you even
more after you turn him down.
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So you never say no, but you want me to?
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Hey. What are you guys talking about?
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This hot guy at school wants
to copy my homework.
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But you said no, right?
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'Cause he will respect you more.
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Trust me.
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Okay. That's smart. Thanks, Kristin.
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Beep-bop. Sorry. One thing.
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"Thanks, Kristin"?
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I think, um, I just said the same thing.
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I don't think so. What she said made sense.
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No one listens to the beautiful.
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Year after year,
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miss America says we
should end world hunger,
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but I am pretty sure it's still a problem.
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Hey. Carol. Hi. Hey. Hi. How are you?
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- How's it going? Good to see you.
- Hi. Come on in.
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Yeah. Is Mike here? Yeah, he just got home.
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We can't stay then. Okay.
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Um listen, I'm running for school board,
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and we'd love it if you'd put
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one of my campaign signs on your lawn.
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Of course. Yeah.
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Us sisters, we got to stick together!
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"We sisters."
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Yeah, grammar's a big part of my platform.
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Thanks. All right, Chuck, you
get this side of the street.
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I'll get lunch.
- Right on.
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- Let me see that.
- Here you go.
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Look at that smile.
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Who in their right
mind wouldn't vote for her?
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Aw, it's just you, larabee?
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Honey, call home security.
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Tell them it's just a false alarm.
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You don't need home security, Baxter.
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That hillbilly truck you
drive lets everybody know
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there's nothing in this
place worth stealing.
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Where should I put the sign?
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That's cardboard and
metal. That's the blue bin, right?
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Aw. Here we go.
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It's never easy with you, is it, Baxter?
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Carol is running for school board
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and we are going to support her.
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We can't support her. She
may have bad judgment.
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I mean, look who she married.
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She stands for better schools.
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You got a problem with better schools?
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No, that's not really his problem.
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Why don't you show your buddy
Chuck where to put this?
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Hey, no. He's not my buddy.
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Why do you say "Buddy"? He's not my buddy.
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Let's figure out where
to put your stupid sign.
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Hey, if anybody knows stupid.
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I'm following stupid right
out into my yard.
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That's what I'm doing.
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sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.addic7ed.com
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Yeah, so, if you've got
any questions, just come to me.
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I've been janitor, then stock clerk,
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then loading-dock clerk, and clerk clerk.
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Jack of all trades?
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I'm Kyle, dude.
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You're not gonna last very long around here
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if you can't remember people's names.
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- Morning, Mr. B.
- Morning.
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I was just showing the new guy around.
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Yeah? Show him where the crossbows are.
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Get him an apple. I'll be right downstairs.
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Mr. B.
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He's just giving you the business.
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We do that a lot around here.
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Shut up, Kyle.
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Classic Mr. B.
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Well, I do appreciate
the janitor job, Mike.
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I know you don't like
having me around here.
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Not just here.
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Kyle! Kyle, coffee!
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Morning, Mr. Alzate.
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Why am I staring at an empty pot?
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This Danish feels like
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a big rig jackknifed in my colon.
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Allow me, sir.
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What's with that salte ?
102
00:03:48,671 --> 00:03:50,471
Well, you said your
stomach was bothering you.
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The sodium cuts the acid and
makes it a lot smoother.
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Well, how about that, Kyle?
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We have in our midst an expert
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at teasing gentle
flavor from the arabica bean.
107
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Yeah, but what we really need
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is someone who can make some coffee.
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Yeah, I learned a lot about coffee
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backpacking through Brazil.
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Did you know that old
grounds make excellent fertilizer?
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Yeah?
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And, I'm no expert,
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but that miniature Jayne
Austin Rose in there
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could use a little bit of nitrogen.
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You're the first person to notice my roses
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and know them by name.
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He could spend some time
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learning the name of his co-workers.
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Called me Jack.
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Yeah, between junior and
senior year of college,
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I actually worked in a nursery.
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Yeah, I just needed time away
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from all the books and the schedules and...
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yeah, and the kid you left behind.
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I think you spent time in the wrong nsery.
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Don't worry, son. Mike's a fair guy.
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He's gonna forgive you one day.
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Every young man makes mistakes.
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I married my fair share, so...
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Well, thank you, Mr. Alzate.
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No, Ed. Ed.
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Well, hey, if you like
a guy that makesistakes,
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I mean, I'm right here.
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I might have left my stove on.
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Who knows what I'm coming home to?
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Mike? Mike?!
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I'm here.
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You've got to be kidding me.
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No, I'm still this handsome.
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Look outside, and tell me what you see.
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Go ahead.
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The sherazis added another fountain?
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No.
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What you don't see. Carol's sign.
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Honey, what happened to Carol's sign?
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How the hell would I know?
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Maybe it's moving on up to the east side.
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Come on. That's not
funny. We have to support her.
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00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:43,067
We know her. She's been in our home.
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00:05:43,085 --> 00:05:44,902
So has the guy that
fixes the garbage disposal,
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and he's probably not
qualified for public office
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'cause he can actually fix something.
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She's our friend, Mike.
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She's only your friend
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because she gives you
some sort street cred.
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Stop.
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You know, Carol's my friend
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just like Chuck is... is your friend.
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Chuck is not my friend.
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Please. You
lo-o-o-ve Chuck.
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You know, I bet you took that sign
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just so your best buddy would
come marching over here
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and you could do your weird mating dance.
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"You're stupid." "No, you're an idiot."
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It's like foreplay.
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Listen, there's only one
person I consider my best friend.
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Honey.
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Rick Wallace.
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Rick Wallace?
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But you haven't seen him in 10 years.
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That's what makes him a perfect friend.
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He never calls. He
doesn't want anything from me.
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He might even be dead.
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Well, I am glad you two are so tight.
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I'm kidding around. He's alive.
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We connect on Facebook all the time.
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He's always telling me
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how his kid got third place in a swim meet.
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Not sure why you'd want to advertise that.
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Mike, you...you really
don't consider us friends?
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How can we be friends? We're married.
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Go on.
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- Honey, honey, honey, honey.
- What?
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We've got something bigger
than a friendship.
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We have a legally binding contract.
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00:07:02,915 --> 00:07:06,584
And that's the only thing
keeping us together?
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00:07:06,618 --> 00:07:09,320
No, but it... it's an incentive.
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00:07:13,125 --> 00:07:15,676
Mandy, honey, I want to
get your opinion on something.
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Finally. Somebody who
values my advice around here.
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00:07:17,629 --> 00:07:18,713
Don't bring her into this.
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00:07:18,764 --> 00:07:22,499
Do you consider Kyle to
be your best friend?
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00:07:22,518 --> 00:07:26,003
That's really
interesting. Um, let me think.
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Well, I have my besties,
my BFFS, and my frenemies,
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and then there's my guy friends.
196
00:07:30,726 --> 00:07:32,560
So, like there's my
gays and my ex-boyfriends
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and then my wannabe-boyfriend friends,
198
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and then there's, like, my work friends
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and my school friends and
my Facebook friends,
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00:07:37,783 --> 00:07:40,201
Twitter-ati, and then the girlfriends
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00:07:40,235 --> 00:07:41,736
whose names I don't
know, but I'm just like,
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"Hey, girlfriend! Yeah!"
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00:07:44,122 --> 00:07:47,191
And then there's my bitches.
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Yeah. And... and Kyle?
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Yeah. He's in there somewhere.
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00:07:53,215 --> 00:07:55,216
And, honey, I'm sure
you're in there somewhere, too.
207
00:07:56,752 --> 00:07:57,868
Here, let me get that.
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00:07:57,886 --> 00:07:58,869
Ha ha ha.
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00:08:00,138 --> 00:08:01,889
Chuck.
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00:08:01,924 --> 00:08:04,559
Hi, Mr. Larabee. Vanessa. Mandy.
211
00:08:04,593 --> 00:08:06,561
Baxter.
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00:08:06,595 --> 00:08:07,711
Chuck.
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00:08:07,729 --> 00:08:09,814
I noticed your sign was missing.
214
00:08:09,848 --> 00:08:11,315
Yeah, it... it disapared.
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00:08:11,350 --> 00:08:13,100
We could put another one up right away.
216
00:08:13,151 --> 00:08:14,602
Maybe we should put it in
the backyard this time...
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00:08:14,653 --> 00:08:16,737
keep it nice and safe.
218
00:08:16,772 --> 00:08:19,073
See, pal? I thought you'd
come to support a black candidate.
219
00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:21,776
Don't you ever want to
be on the winning side?
220
00:08:21,827 --> 00:08:24,445
Yeah, my theory is Mike took the sign
221
00:08:24,496 --> 00:08:26,080
just so you would come over here,
222
00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,449
because you two enjoy each
other's company so much.
223
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:31,168
What the what? No...yeah.
224
00:08:31,203 --> 00:08:32,503
What? No.
225
00:08:32,537 --> 00:08:35,456
I-I go out of my way to avoid him.
226
00:08:35,507 --> 00:08:37,925
Well, you suck at it. I can see you.
227
00:08:39,595 --> 00:08:42,246
Geez, you two. Get a room.
228
00:08:46,616 --> 00:08:49,197
Hey, Ed, you remember Rick Wallace, right?
229
00:08:49,251 --> 00:08:50,251
Best man at your wedding.
230
00:08:50,286 --> 00:08:51,419
Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
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00:08:51,453 --> 00:08:52,704
One of my best friends.
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00:08:52,738 --> 00:08:55,456
You wouldn't happen to have
his phone number, would you?
233
00:08:55,507 --> 00:08:57,125
I stopped talking to that guy.
234
00:08:57,176 --> 00:09:00,178
He was always bragging
about his mediocre kid.
235
00:09:00,212 --> 00:09:02,180
Third place in the swim meet.
236
00:09:02,214 --> 00:09:05,133
"Yay, you lost. You lost."
237
00:09:05,184 --> 00:09:07,018
Kind of lost touch with him. He moved away.
238
00:09:07,052 --> 00:09:08,303
I guess that's what happens.
239
00:09:08,337 --> 00:09:10,188
He moved back to Denver two years ago.
240
00:09:10,222 --> 00:09:13,941
He's been in the store. Surprised
he didn't say "Hi".
241
00:09:13,976 --> 00:09:16,611
Probably just, you know, knows I'm busy.
242
00:09:16,645 --> 00:09:18,730
Probably didn't want to bug me.
243
00:09:18,764 --> 00:09:20,815
That's why he's a great friend.
244
00:09:20,866 --> 00:09:22,817
- Hey, Mr. Alzate?
- Yeah.
245
00:09:22,868 --> 00:09:24,319
I was thinking about that conversation
246
00:09:24,370 --> 00:09:25,486
you had with Ryan yesterday.
247
00:09:25,537 --> 00:09:28,039
So, I made you this.
248
00:09:28,073 --> 00:09:29,707
A mix tape?
249
00:09:29,742 --> 00:09:31,709
Yeah, a killer mix tape.
250
00:09:31,744 --> 00:09:33,661
"Kiss from a rose," by seal,
251
00:09:33,712 --> 00:09:36,331
"Every rose has its Thorn," by miley C.,
252
00:09:36,382 --> 00:09:39,250
and, of course, "The
rose," by the divine miss M.
253
00:09:40,302 --> 00:09:41,386
Guess what the theme is.
254
00:09:41,420 --> 00:09:43,971
"How to make another
man really uncomfortable."
255
00:09:46,091 --> 00:09:48,509
I don't know what to do with this.
256
00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:50,395
Well, I thought we could listen to it,
257
00:09:50,429 --> 00:09:52,463
you know, while we talk about worldly stuff
258
00:09:52,481 --> 00:09:54,465
like salty coffee and roses.
259
00:09:54,483 --> 00:09:55,733
O-or kangaroos.
260
00:09:55,768 --> 00:09:58,519
I did a report on them
in the fourth grade, so...
261
00:09:58,570 --> 00:09:59,804
Some other time, Kyle.
262
00:09:59,822 --> 00:10:01,823
My daughter and I have lunch plans.
263
00:10:01,857 --> 00:10:04,826
Actually, Gabriella
called and had to cancel, sir.
264
00:10:04,860 --> 00:10:08,162
So you're as free as a kookaburra bird,
265
00:10:08,197 --> 00:10:12,250
a species indigenous to
Australia, like the kangaroo.
266
00:10:12,284 --> 00:10:14,168
All right, now who do I have lunch with?
267
00:10:17,706 --> 00:10:19,490
Ryan.
268
00:10:19,508 --> 00:10:21,008
Ryan, you hungry?
269
00:10:21,043 --> 00:10:22,043
Always.
270
00:10:22,094 --> 00:10:23,994
Good. Let's have lunch.
271
00:10:24,012 --> 00:10:26,180
You're gonna love this place.
272
00:10:26,215 --> 00:10:28,883
It has a candy cane rose
bush growing over the portico.
273
00:10:28,934 --> 00:10:30,218
Yeah, it's an amazing restaurant.
274
00:10:30,269 --> 00:10:32,553
Except for the food.
275
00:10:35,795 --> 00:10:38,509
Hi. What's so funny? What's up?
276
00:10:38,527 --> 00:10:39,844
- What?
- No. Nothing.
277
00:10:39,862 --> 00:10:42,196
Um, Eve was just telling
me all about Wyatt.
278
00:10:42,231 --> 00:10:44,532
Yep, I told him he
couldn't copy my homework,
279
00:10:44,566 --> 00:10:46,517
and he asked me to hang out tonight.
280
00:10:46,535 --> 00:10:48,536
Yes! Exactly what I said would happen.
281
00:10:48,570 --> 00:10:50,037
Exactly what Kristin said would happen.
282
00:10:50,072 --> 00:10:51,038
But I said it first.
283
00:10:51,073 --> 00:10:52,573
Okay, Mandy, you are sounding
284
00:10:52,624 --> 00:10:54,008
really childish right now.
285
00:10:54,042 --> 00:10:55,576
That's why I didn't take her advice.
286
00:10:55,627 --> 00:10:56,794
But you did take it!
287
00:10:56,829 --> 00:10:58,296
Can't wait to meet this guy.
288
00:10:58,330 --> 00:10:59,864
When's he coming to pick you up?
289
00:10:59,882 --> 00:11:01,416
No. I'm meeting him and a
bunch of people at the mall.
290
00:11:01,467 --> 00:11:04,969
Yeah. That sounds
good. Low-key, less pressure.
291
00:11:05,036 --> 00:11:07,672
Group date. Bag.
292
00:11:08,724 --> 00:11:10,040
Yeah, see you later, Wyatt.
293
00:11:10,058 --> 00:11:12,560
If he really liked
you, he'd ask you out solo.
294
00:11:12,594 --> 00:11:14,061
No, no, no. Maybe he's just nervous
295
00:11:14,096 --> 00:11:15,880
and wants to have his friends around, yeah.
296
00:11:15,898 --> 00:11:18,048
No. Guys go on group dates
to keep their options open.
297
00:11:18,066 --> 00:11:19,851
He's probably gonna go sneak off
298
00:11:19,885 --> 00:11:21,102
and make out with Sarah.
299
00:11:21,153 --> 00:11:22,270
How did you know Sarah was going?
300
00:11:22,321 --> 00:11:24,739
There's always a Sarah.
301
00:11:24,773 --> 00:11:26,107
Hey, I say go for it, okay?
302
00:11:26,158 --> 00:11:27,608
You are just being competitive
303
00:11:27,659 --> 00:11:29,560
because she took my advice and not yours.
304
00:11:29,578 --> 00:11:34,398
It was my advice! We
gave her the same advice!
305
00:11:34,416 --> 00:11:35,583
- Hello, ladies.
- Hey, dad.
306
00:11:35,617 --> 00:11:37,234
What are you doing home from work?
307
00:11:37,252 --> 00:11:38,369
I forgot something.
308
00:11:38,403 --> 00:11:41,589
I forgot your boyfriend works where I work.
309
00:11:41,623 --> 00:11:43,624
What are you doing home?
310
00:11:43,675 --> 00:11:46,243
Well, feeling real welcome.
311
00:11:46,261 --> 00:11:48,463
Where are you going?
312
00:11:48,514 --> 00:11:51,132
Well, contractually bound roommate,
313
00:11:51,183 --> 00:11:52,183
I am going to have lunch
314
00:11:52,217 --> 00:11:53,684
with my good friend Carol larabee.
315
00:11:53,719 --> 00:11:55,520
It is something that friends do.
316
00:11:55,554 --> 00:11:57,588
Well, if you become best friends,
317
00:11:57,606 --> 00:11:59,423
you'll never have to see her.
318
00:12:01,443 --> 00:12:02,927
Mike.
319
00:12:02,945 --> 00:12:07,448
Somebody stole Carol's sign again.
320
00:12:07,483 --> 00:12:08,616
Well, we tried.
321
00:12:08,650 --> 00:12:10,785
No, hey. Come here. Come on.
322
00:12:10,819 --> 00:12:11,786
What?
323
00:12:13,071 --> 00:12:14,989
How about I go to
larabee's and ask for another one?
324
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,440
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, of course.
325
00:12:16,458 --> 00:12:17,441
You don't want your best buddy
326
00:12:17,459 --> 00:12:18,709
to think you're the one who took it.
327
00:12:18,744 --> 00:12:20,661
I couldn't give a rat's
ass what larabee thinks.
328
00:12:20,712 --> 00:12:21,796
You know, from now on,
329
00:12:21,830 --> 00:12:24,131
let's leave the manger up all year long.
330
00:12:24,166 --> 00:12:25,466
No one's gonna pull this kind of crap
331
00:12:25,501 --> 00:12:27,468
in front of a plastic Jesus.
332
00:12:36,678 --> 00:12:38,012
Larabee.
333
00:12:54,613 --> 00:12:56,447
Need a hand with that, Baxter?
334
00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:05,788
This is fun.
335
00:13:05,866 --> 00:13:06,702
Yeah.
336
00:13:06,716 --> 00:13:07,699
Boy, it's been a long time
337
00:13:07,717 --> 00:13:08,883
since we've had lunch together?
338
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:12,554
Have we ever had lunch together?
339
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:15,590
Haven't we?
340
00:13:15,625 --> 00:13:17,392
Never.
341
00:13:17,426 --> 00:13:20,228
Then it really has been a long time.
342
00:13:22,064 --> 00:13:25,600
Boy, I really... I love your earrings.
343
00:13:25,651 --> 00:13:28,653
Chuck gave these to me for our anniversary.
344
00:13:28,688 --> 00:13:29,988
Mike gave me a lecture
345
00:13:30,022 --> 00:13:32,274
on why anniversaries are fascist.
346
00:13:34,277 --> 00:13:36,911
You know, let me... let
me ask you something.
347
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:40,415
Um, do you and Chuck consider
yourselves friends?
348
00:13:40,449 --> 00:13:43,501
we're best friends.
349
00:13:43,536 --> 00:13:46,004
Great. That's good. Great.
350
00:13:46,038 --> 00:13:48,089
Yeah, um, you know, Mike...
351
00:13:48,124 --> 00:13:51,443
Mike won't admit that he
and I are best friends.
352
00:13:51,477 --> 00:13:52,510
That's something you want?
353
00:13:53,596 --> 00:13:55,964
And I keep forgetting that you've met Mike.
354
00:13:56,015 --> 00:13:57,465
I mean, you know, I-I-I
know he loves me.
355
00:13:57,516 --> 00:13:59,301
I just want to know that
he likes me as much
356
00:13:59,352 --> 00:14:01,469
as some guy he hasn't seen in 10 years.
357
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,305
- What do men know about friendship?
- Yeah, I don't know.
358
00:14:03,356 --> 00:14:05,807
I mean, Chuck won't even say
that he and Mike are friends.
359
00:14:05,858 --> 00:14:08,810
God. Men are so afraid of their feelings.
360
00:14:08,861 --> 00:14:10,979
It's like if they admit
they like each other,
361
00:14:11,030 --> 00:14:12,947
they're on the trail to
"Brokeback Mountain."
362
00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:16,785
If being gay means being able
to express your feelings,
363
00:14:16,819 --> 00:14:19,454
I wish our husbands were
more like those two.
364
00:14:19,488 --> 00:14:20,689
Over there.
365
00:14:22,325 --> 00:14:25,443
That's amazing.
366
00:14:25,461 --> 00:14:27,212
It tastes amazing.
367
00:14:33,386 --> 00:14:36,004
Hey, so how was lunch with Ryan?
368
00:14:36,055 --> 00:14:39,290
Does he know anything about kangaroos?
369
00:14:39,308 --> 00:14:42,510
Lunch was ordered, eaten,
and is now being digested.
370
00:14:42,561 --> 00:14:44,979
So it's not a good time.
371
00:14:45,014 --> 00:14:49,317
All right.
372
00:14:49,352 --> 00:14:50,985
That was my nice way of asking you
373
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:53,154
to get the hell out.
374
00:14:54,357 --> 00:14:56,808
What's bothering you, son?
375
00:14:56,826 --> 00:14:58,309
I'm just trying to work up the courage
376
00:14:58,327 --> 00:14:59,677
to tell you something, sir.
377
00:14:59,712 --> 00:15:02,313
So spit it out. You've wasted enough time.
378
00:15:02,331 --> 00:15:07,419
Okay, um, Ryan's been
working here for two weeks.
379
00:15:07,453 --> 00:15:10,505
I'm sorry that was so hard for you to say.
380
00:15:10,539 --> 00:15:13,174
No, no, no. There's...there's more.
381
00:15:14,326 --> 00:15:17,662
Um, I've been working here for four years.
382
00:15:17,696 --> 00:15:20,998
I can see how all that
math can be difficult.
383
00:15:21,016 --> 00:15:22,734
It's just that in all that time,
384
00:15:22,768 --> 00:15:24,219
not once have you asked me,
385
00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:25,854
"hey, do you want to go get lunch?"
386
00:15:25,888 --> 00:15:27,355
I ask you to get lunch all the time.
387
00:15:27,390 --> 00:15:28,673
You ask me to get your lunch.
388
00:15:28,691 --> 00:15:31,676
And a lot of times, I have to pay for it.
389
00:15:31,694 --> 00:15:33,661
You know, by the way, you owe me $7.
390
00:15:34,613 --> 00:15:35,780
$6.88.
391
00:15:35,815 --> 00:15:38,283
I rounded up 'cause I'm
really upset right now.
392
00:15:38,317 --> 00:15:41,403
Kyle, Kyle. Kyle, wait. Okay.
393
00:15:41,454 --> 00:15:44,072
I think I understand.
394
00:15:44,123 --> 00:15:45,407
You want to get lunch?
395
00:15:45,458 --> 00:15:47,041
Fine. What do you want me to get you?
396
00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:49,711
No, Kyle. No, no. No.
397
00:15:49,745 --> 00:15:51,329
Just the two of us... next week.
398
00:15:51,363 --> 00:15:53,214
We'll spend some quality time together.
399
00:15:53,249 --> 00:15:56,050
Thank you, sir. It means a lot to me.
400
00:15:56,085 --> 00:15:57,535
- All right.
- All right.
401
00:15:57,553 --> 00:16:00,388
Has it really been four years?
402
00:16:00,423 --> 00:16:03,408
Well, it's only been 3
years, 9 months, and 2 days.
403
00:16:04,894 --> 00:16:06,878
Wow.
404
00:16:06,896 --> 00:16:08,980
Got to get that
rounding-up thing under control.
405
00:16:11,650 --> 00:16:14,102
All right.
406
00:16:14,153 --> 00:16:15,487
This sign isn't going anywhere,
407
00:16:15,521 --> 00:16:16,821
whether I want it to or not...
408
00:16:16,856 --> 00:16:18,156
much like you in this neighborhood.
409
00:16:19,575 --> 00:16:21,392
So you still think I stole your signs?
410
00:16:21,410 --> 00:16:22,494
Well, I don't know.
411
00:16:22,528 --> 00:16:24,496
How about you give me
the key to those locks?
412
00:16:24,530 --> 00:16:28,082
Okay, Baxter. Sorry I suspected you.
413
00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:29,417
I'm used to being persecuted.
414
00:16:29,452 --> 00:16:30,618
You have no idea
415
00:16:30,669 --> 00:16:32,003
what it's like being a
white man in America.
416
00:16:38,177 --> 00:16:41,412
I sure hope Carol wins.
417
00:16:41,430 --> 00:16:42,580
It'd be a shame to go through all of this
418
00:16:42,598 --> 00:16:44,349
and not have the house all to myself.
419
00:16:44,383 --> 00:16:47,435
Yeah, I'd love that... having
no one around to talk to.
420
00:16:47,470 --> 00:16:48,586
Yeah.
421
00:16:48,604 --> 00:16:50,405
I kind of wish that
was happening right now.
422
00:16:51,724 --> 00:16:54,192
Yeah, but I understand, you know?
423
00:16:54,226 --> 00:16:58,196
My Carol she loves to chat.
424
00:16:58,230 --> 00:16:59,397
Yeah, you know why?
425
00:16:59,431 --> 00:17:01,399
'Cause wives think we
can be their best friends.
426
00:17:01,433 --> 00:17:03,067
Now, how can we be friends?
427
00:17:03,101 --> 00:17:05,269
We're married.
428
00:17:06,956 --> 00:17:08,606
That's what I told Vanessa.
429
00:17:08,624 --> 00:17:12,276
Wait. You said that?
430
00:17:12,294 --> 00:17:13,778
To your wife?
431
00:17:13,796 --> 00:17:16,113
Out loud?
432
00:17:16,131 --> 00:17:17,382
No, no, no, no, no, no.
433
00:17:17,416 --> 00:17:21,386
When she asks, you tell
her she's your best friend.
434
00:17:23,756 --> 00:17:29,227
It's so simple. A little white lie.
435
00:17:29,261 --> 00:17:31,062
You've co-opted so much of our culture,
436
00:17:31,129 --> 00:17:33,381
we can borrow from yours.
437
00:17:36,352 --> 00:17:40,321
Fact is, I haven't seen my
real best friend in years.
438
00:17:40,356 --> 00:17:41,439
He might be dead.
439
00:17:44,276 --> 00:17:46,611
Mine, too.
440
00:17:46,645 --> 00:17:48,580
Rick Wallace?
441
00:17:51,283 --> 00:17:52,750
Why don't women understand the value
442
00:17:52,785 --> 00:17:54,252
of that kind of friendship?
443
00:17:54,286 --> 00:17:57,772
Yeah, well, until I can hang
with someone I actually enjoy,
444
00:17:57,806 --> 00:18:02,427
seems like I'm stuck with
the likes of you, Baxter.
445
00:18:02,461 --> 00:18:04,712
that's a bad lot for the both of us.
446
00:18:04,763 --> 00:18:06,381
Hey, honey.
447
00:18:06,432 --> 00:18:08,716
Hey. Wow.
448
00:18:08,767 --> 00:18:11,853
Looks like you guys worked really
hard to put this sign up.
449
00:18:11,887 --> 00:18:13,004
Take it down.
450
00:18:13,022 --> 00:18:14,522
Yeah.
451
00:18:14,557 --> 00:18:16,558
We are not supporting Carol.
452
00:18:16,592 --> 00:18:18,560
Well, th-that... that
sign's not going anywhere.
453
00:18:18,611 --> 00:18:20,895
It'd be easier for us to move.
454
00:18:20,946 --> 00:18:23,431
Now, I'm sorry, Chuck, but your
wife wants to get rid of
455
00:18:23,465 --> 00:18:25,867
the after-school program for
the arts that I started.
456
00:18:25,901 --> 00:18:28,953
It's crazy. She's all
about cutting spending.
457
00:18:28,988 --> 00:18:31,956
What?
458
00:18:31,991 --> 00:18:33,124
Toss some lights on that.
459
00:18:33,158 --> 00:18:36,861
More people can look at that thing.
460
00:18:36,879 --> 00:18:38,129
Yeah, well, believe it or not,
461
00:18:38,163 --> 00:18:39,664
she's more of a conservative than you are
462
00:18:39,698 --> 00:18:40,748
when it comes to taxes.
463
00:18:40,799 --> 00:18:42,967
Well, now, what is it about Carol
464
00:18:43,002 --> 00:18:45,253
that made you assume she's liberal?
465
00:18:45,304 --> 00:18:46,921
No, no, no, no, no, no.
466
00:18:46,972 --> 00:18:48,723
It's not because she's black.
467
00:18:48,757 --> 00:18:53,394
It's because she's nice and smart.
468
00:18:53,429 --> 00:18:57,231
Just smart enough to
realize the value of arts in school.
469
00:18:59,602 --> 00:19:01,019
Carol is black?
470
00:19:03,939 --> 00:19:07,909
Always the last to know.
471
00:19:07,943 --> 00:19:09,577
Must upset you because,
472
00:19:09,612 --> 00:19:11,562
you know, you're such good friends.
473
00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:12,780
Yeah, no, we're still good friends.
474
00:19:12,831 --> 00:19:13,781
Wait, wait, wait.
475
00:19:13,832 --> 00:19:15,450
She may be your friend, Vanessa,
476
00:19:15,501 --> 00:19:17,251
but she's my best friend...
477
00:19:18,587 --> 00:19:21,906
...like husbands and wives should be.
478
00:19:21,924 --> 00:19:22,924
Good luck, Baxter.
479
00:19:28,964 --> 00:19:30,932
So, now you're all for Carol?
480
00:19:30,966 --> 00:19:33,935
I thought you supported my arts program.
481
00:19:33,969 --> 00:19:35,803
I did support your arts program.
482
00:19:35,854 --> 00:19:37,522
Yeah, because it's a good idea.
483
00:19:37,556 --> 00:19:39,974
It's stupidest idea
ever. Total waste of money.
484
00:19:40,025 --> 00:19:42,810
Art is for hanging on walls, right?
485
00:19:42,861 --> 00:19:45,146
And ever since the
advent of the plasma screen,
486
00:19:45,197 --> 00:19:48,432
it's pretty much made art obsolete.
487
00:19:48,450 --> 00:19:50,101
But you helped me the whole time
488
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:51,869
I was trying to push it through...
489
00:19:51,904 --> 00:19:54,789
all the school-board meetings,
all the work to get the funding.
490
00:19:54,823 --> 00:19:57,959
Yeah, but it was the dumbest idea ever.
491
00:19:57,993 --> 00:19:59,911
Well, then why did you do it?
492
00:19:59,945 --> 00:20:02,664
I mean, you already
said I'm not your friend.
493
00:20:02,715 --> 00:20:04,332
I wouldn't do it for my friend,
494
00:20:04,383 --> 00:20:05,883
but I would do it for my wife.
495
00:20:05,918 --> 00:20:09,137
Honey.
496
00:20:12,758 --> 00:20:15,226
Or Rick Wallace if he asked.
497
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:18,796
But he wouldn't
498
00:20:18,814 --> 00:20:20,464
because that's what kind of friend he is.
499
00:20:27,439 --> 00:20:28,406
Hey.
500
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:32,210
Hey. So, how did the movie date go?
501
00:20:32,244 --> 00:20:33,878
Terrible.
502
00:20:33,913 --> 00:20:35,446
Yes, I was right!
503
00:20:36,515 --> 00:20:39,167
I'm so sorry. What happened?
504
00:20:39,218 --> 00:20:42,170
Wyatt ignored me the whole time
505
00:20:42,221 --> 00:20:43,922
and then went and made
out with Emma haller.
506
00:20:43,956 --> 00:20:44,923
Boom. Just like I called it.
507
00:20:44,957 --> 00:20:46,508
Unh-unh. You said Sarah.
508
00:20:46,542 --> 00:20:48,560
All Emmas are Sarahs.
509
00:20:48,594 --> 00:20:50,929
I never want to see Wyatt again.
510
00:20:50,963 --> 00:20:52,730
Wrong. You're gonna want Wyatt around.
511
00:20:52,765 --> 00:20:53,932
Not so you can see him,
512
00:20:53,966 --> 00:20:55,650
but so he can see you
while you're making out
513
00:20:55,684 --> 00:20:56,601
with his best friend.
514
00:20:56,635 --> 00:20:57,936
No, no, no. Eve, seriously.
515
00:20:57,970 --> 00:20:59,637
Okay, that is the last
thing you want to do.
516
00:20:59,655 --> 00:21:02,023
- You don't want... -
Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup.
517
00:21:02,074 --> 00:21:04,192
His best friend is Greg van Dorn,
518
00:21:04,243 --> 00:21:06,477
so I want to hear more
about this making-out business.
519
00:21:06,495 --> 00:21:08,246
Yes. Honestly, don't take any guy advice
520
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:09,197
from Kristin, all right?
521
00:21:09,248 --> 00:21:10,698
She always played it way too safe
522
00:21:10,749 --> 00:21:11,966
when it came to boys.
523
00:21:12,001 --> 00:21:15,152
Um, I got pregnant when I was 17.
524
00:21:16,071 --> 00:21:19,323
Yeah, and who told you
not to go out with Ryan?
525
00:21:19,357 --> 00:21:21,475
This guy.
526
00:21:21,742 --> 00:21:25,711
sync and corrections by dreaMaker7
www.addic7ed.com
38185
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