Original subtitles

♪♪

[ Leikeli47's "Money" plays ]

♪♪

♪ Uh ♪

♪ Chilling, layin' in the cut, doe ♪

♪ Easy, tryin' see what up, doe ♪

♪ Home of the cutthroats ♪

♪ Notorious, y'all know how the rest go ♪

♪ Sleeping, one eye open ♪

♪ Too smart 'cause I'm always scopin' ♪

Sequels -- they get a bad rap,

but I personally love a sequel.

It's the opportunity to do things bigger and better.

Wait. Oh...

♪ Talking, always talking ♪

♪ That's your problem, you always talking ♪

And no matter what the haters say,

the second time around can be a lot better than the first.

♪ Money, I got money ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Money, I got money ♪

Good on Meghan. Girl's a princess now.

And as for me, I'm a sophomore,

which means I'm wise enough to recognize

my first year at Cal U was a bit rocky.

I just don't want to break your heart.

It's a little too late for that.

♪ I had to work like Kobe ♪

♪ Just to shine like Russell ♪

♪ They say, "Damn, you changed" ♪

♪ I'm like, "Show you right" ♪

♪ ...in the crib, tryna find the BPM ♪

Okay, fine. I was a Bambi --

flawlessly doe-eyed, but totally lost.

This year, though, I came to win.

For one thing, I've got my dude.

Thanks for showing me around the city, babe.

And now, as they say in Paris,

le pièce de résistance.

We're Paris-official now, baby.

Mm!

We got this on lock.

[ Laughs ]

Yeah, it's been rough that he's been in Paris all summer,

but in less than 24 hours, we'd be reunited.

But most importantly,

I've got my girls.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Money, I got money ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'm-a feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪ ♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart beating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪♪

So, there we all were,

back at it and ready to take on the new year,

and even though Jazz and Sky were still stuck in the dorms,

I convinced Nomi and Ana to move in with me

to the flyest, priciest on-campus apartment.

Aye!

I was absolutely determined

not to have the dreaded sophomore slump,

which meant our sequel had to be

bigger and better than the original.

♪♪

[ Siren wails distantly ]

Um...

♪♪

Cool, this is what my real nightmares look like.

Did I say "bigger and better"?

Oh, I meant filthier and absolutely devastating.

Those international students

must've had one hell of a summer.

Yeah, it feels like a lot of that hell went down in my room.

Oh, God. Gosh, Zoey.

I busted my ass waitressing for this overpriced dump.

[ Monotone ] ♪ Your birthday is gonna getcha ♪

♪ Your birthday is gonna getcha ♪

♪ Your birthday is gonna getcha ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

Yeah, your summer really bums us all out,

but it still was not as bad as mine.

Alex Gershbaum, the budding orthodontist,

is that you?

And just in time for Shabbat.

[ Chuckles ]

Not only do my parents not know I'm bi,

they don't know who I am.

Weren't you gonna come out to them this summer?

Yes, I was,

but then I realized that if I blind-sided them,

they'd cut me off, and I wouldn't be able

to live here with you guys.

Maybe I should call them now.

Hold up. Are you saying

that it's my fault you didn't tell them?

Yeah, mm-hmm. This is all all your fault, Zo.

All right. Have to agree to disagree, but I get it.

I get it. This is a mess,

but we're sophomores now,

and what would have had us

in a ball ugly-crying last year,

we will now handle.

"We"?

I will now handle. Mm.

Like, today right now?

Yeah. Sort of wanted to spend the day

primping for my big romantic airport-movie-reunion moment

with Luca, but, you know, if you really, really --

Go! Go!

Fine, fine, fine.

I'll handle it.

Like an adult.

Cool.

Please, please, please, please, please, please,

I mean, we're just children.

Zoey,

today is my first day as former Adjunct Professor now...

Dean of Students.

Yeah, you heard that right.

Dean of Students.

I mean, it took me a minute to get my head around it, too.

This dude cannot stop failing up.

I can't be out here playing favorites

in these streets, girl.

Yeah, I know.

But you are my favorite, so...

I got you. You got me? Thank you!

But not in this particular habitation situation.

I mean, what I'm trying to say is,

as your godfather,

I am your rock.

You're not my godfather.

Hmm...

Well, you can still lean on me,

but I can never ever support you.

♪♪

Since I couldn't fix this on my own, and clearly,

Dean Adjunct Professor Dr. Charles Telphy

was of no help, I called in reinforcements,

and disguised it all as a turn-up.

Hello, adulthood.

♪ Black out, black out, I'm baller...no knock out ♪

♪ It's my time, and I'm on the dot ♪

♪ And I'm still getting paid 'til I clock out ♪ [ Grunts ]

[ Cheers ]

Last year may not have taught me who Ruth Bader Ginsburg is --

I'll get there someday --

but it taught me how to pivot, take a deep breath,

and remember I've got this. [ Cellphone chiming ]

♪ Tonight, we celebrate ♪

Excuse me. Still got this,

just need to handle something.

Why don't you, uh, hang out a bit?

Paint a wall?

♪ Place that drink up in my cup, tip it up, and no concerns ♪

♪ If you're 'bout it, put your hands up ♪

What, you never seen a girl down on a bag of corn chips before?

No, I just never saw

jalapeño barbecue corn chips before.

I'm all in.

Oh.

Touch these chips, I'm coming for your eyes.

Coach had us on a strict no-carb diet

this summer for training.

Respect the binge. Mm-hmm.

Nomi: Okay.

Whoa.

You know you ain't got to wear all the Gucci

at the same time, right? Oh, but I do, okay?

I need to feel like myself again after the summer I had.

♪♪

I need to get my head back in the game

if I want to be able to keep up with Balty's crew.

Yo, Vivek.

Hey, where the hell you been, man?

[ Ding! ]

♪♪

Wait, we're cleaning this place up,

and you're bringing drugs into it?

It's just pills, all right?

How do you think your bedroom is already painted?

How 'bout, "Thank you, Vivek"?

Thank you, Vivek.

Do you, like, only have uppers, or --

You know, it doesn't really matter.

I'll take six of whatever you have.

Ugh!

Don't even -- Yeah. Mm.

Hey, you know I want you to feel

comfortable in your own home, so...

I told Vivek to chill out on the dealing.

I know that it bothers you,

so he's not gonna be selling here anymore.

Although, to be clear,

I will be using here.

A lot.

Well, thank you, Nomi.

It's really thoughtful of you --

the selling, not the using,

but, you know, baby steps.

Yeah, listen. I'm all about, like,

peaceful living, you know, giving each other space,

and ultimately respecting each other's boundaries.

Aww.

Aww, huggy.

Mm.

[ Knocks on door ]

♪♪

So, apparently pre-registering doesn't mean jack

when one of your mandatory classes is canceled

because your self-righteous professor

thought it was more important to start a family

than replace her IUD.

[ Knocking continues ] Oh, my God. I'm busy!

I hope that dumb baby is worth it.

[ Knocking continues ] Oh, my God. What do you want?

Goodness.

Oh, hey.

Hi.

Hey. Um...

We were just going to, uh... [ Clears throat ]

We were just gonna take some shots to...

Wow, I didn't think it would be this hard to see you.

Um...

You look really good.

Oh, my God. I broke him.

Hey, do you want to,

I don't know, come in and sit down?

We can talk things out.

[ Inhales sharply ]

Ah!

I'm messing with you, freshman.

Come on. Oh, hm.

Ha, ha.

Sophomore. Got to talk it out?

You wanted to talk it out. You should've seen your face.

It was so stupid. Mm-hmm.

I made the right choice.

Your corny-ass boyfriend must've been geeked when he saw that.

What is that, Brie cheese? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it is, and, no, he is not back yet.

Y-You sure? I thought I saw him about an hour ago

smoking a cigarette outside of his dorm.

No, that's impossible,

'cause I haven't heard from him.

Well, the guy had on a Balenciaga apron

and culottes, so...

Don't know really who else that could've been.

Anyway, shots, freshman. You want me to grab you a --

Yeah, all right, that sounds good. All right, okay.

There is no way my boyfriend,

who I waited three frickin' months for,

is on domestic soil and didn't call me.

Thank you.

[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Exhales deeply ]

[ Quietly ] Just be cool. Stay classy.

Be cool. Stay classy.

♪♪

[ Normal voice ] Bonjour, asshole.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Exhales sharply ] Hey, baby.

So, you are here.

There I was, thinking to myself,

"How was it that Luca texted me from Paris

every night to say 'Sweet dreams'

and every morning to say 'Sup, WYD?'

but now that we're on the same campus,

he didn't even hit me to say he was back?"

Look, I know what you're thinking.

I was gonna hit you up when I got in, but...

the flight was mad long, and I was just mad tired.

And I need to shower and everything.

All right. No, no, no, no.

I-I-I totally get it.

I-It's okay, even though you only take baths.

It's okay.

It's cool. So you're upset?

No. What'd make you think I'm upset?

I'm good.

I'm glad to see you, honestly.

So, do you want to go back to my place?

I have wine and cheese,

berets, just to name a few things. [ Clicks tongue ]

Sounds fire. Yeah.

I'm just super tired.

Okay, so...

Just gonna hit me up tomorrow?

What? No, no.

Um, just come in. We can watch a movie, chill.

I mean, I kind of waited three months to see you, so...

Okay.

♪♪

It's looking good, guys, honestly.

I'm seeing a lot of effort.

It's paying off.

Dude, I'm surprised you're not up in one of those flossy high-rises.

Where they got you staying? In the dorms for now,

but hoping a spot opens up at Balty's pad, you know?

Wait, so you actually want to live with those dicks?

Maid service, private chef,

and one of the actors from "The Maze Runner"? Mm.

Bro, I think I can handle some dicks.

All that Gucci, and still so not Gucci.

I don't understand it.

Vivek: Whatever, man. Where you living?

You know, got a little spot

in the cut with my people, low-key.

Still at Hawkins, aren't you? And I'm the RA.

[ Laughs ]

Ana, doing shots?

No.

I'm doing the bottle. The whole bottle.

Okay. [ Cellphone chimes ]

Sorry, guys, Balty. Got to go.

Wait, seriously, he calls and you jump just like that?

What? Dude, he's flying us private

to see Macklemore in Irvine.

You want to go?

I'm good. All right.

Ooh. So, tough summer.

[ Exhale deeply ] The worst.

Yours? Oh, mine was good.

Spent it serving the community, speaking up for the culture,

rallying in the streets, just being a civic hero.

Just a moment. That's all we need.

We can change lives here, people.

Excuse me, sir. Do you have a moment

to join the fight against juvenile recidivism?

Patron: Recidivize these nuts!

Thank you, sir. Have a blessed day.

I mean, we still have a long way to go with

human decency in this country,

but we'll get there.

Sure.

Unless this country's incapable of human decency.

Wait, what's up? Huh?

No, I mean, I-I specialize in conflict resolution.

Also Infant CPR.

Not bragging, just saying. [ Sighs ]

Fine, look, I-I love Nomi...

Mm-hmm. ...but she keeps doing something

that's making me really uncomfortable.

Serious. Okay. Please go on. Please.

Twice she's come into the bathroom

when I'm in there, and she's --

Got butt-naked. Yeah, she touched you.

Ew! No, she just peed.

On you? Wow. You know what?

Forget it. I don't know why I talk to you. I'm sorry.

I went somewhere else. I'm back. I just --

Look, I'm not trying to minimize your discomfort, right?

I just think that --

I mean, don't you people usually g--

Grrt! Sorry.

Did you just say "you people"?

Well, no -- "You people" as in...

not Mexicans, but, like, women.

Good, 'cause I'm Cuban.

I knew that. Hm.

But don't females usually go to the bathroom together?

Right? Maybe she just really had to go.

Yeah.

Yeah, we do that.

Probably just overreacting. Maybe.

See? Conflict resolution.

It's what I do.

Also, you ever find yourself in a sitch...

These two bad boys to the baby's sternum.

Gentle pumps. Not too hard. No.

-Since it's an infant. -No.

[ Laughs ] Cheers.

I'm not chee-- Okay. [ Chuckles ]

♪♪

[ Gasps ]

[ Sighs ] That was a fun party, huh?

But can you believe how late some people stayed?

It was -- Seriously, it was like,

take a hint when you're not wanted.

Am I right? [ Door closes ]

[ Exhales deeply ]

Hi!

[ Toilet flushes ] So...

how'd it go with Luca?

Was it as hot as you thought it was gonna be?

Spare no detail. I've had a really dry summer.

Oh, yeah, no, it was good.

It was nice. It was --

It was very nice and -- and good. Uh-huh.

Nice and really good.

Wait. Why are --

Why are there no chips? How can there be no chips?

Like, the twins must've eaten them all?

I mean, they pretty much ate everything.

-Yeah. -But --

But I thought of nothing else but chips

on my walk back. I thought of them so much

I could practically taste them,

and for three months -- for three months,

I've dreamt of chips.

I-I-I've Snapchatted chips.

I've FaceTimed chips. Is it too much to ask

that chips stay awake long enough

to embrace me with -- with love

and -- and excitement?

Is it? God, is it?!

Oh.

I think you're asking a lot

from the chips there, Zoey.

[ Quietly ] I don't think it's about the chips.

What happened, Zo? What did chips do?

[ Sighs ] I went over to Luca's

after our underwhelming reunion,

and he took a shower.

So, I waited

with no candles, no dill Havarti, no berets,

no cute "Bienvenue home" sign.

Just some dirty laundry and an overpriced bong

that had been there all summer.

♪♪

♪ Found you in the bedroom ♪

♪ Vacant, set in gloom ♪

So, there we were.

Finally, I could see him,

touch him, smell him.

Then he smiles at me and says, "So..."

and I say, "So..."

and he says,

"What do you want to do?"

So I say, "What do you want to do?"

and he says "You know what I want to do,"

So then I say, "I know what you want to do,

and I want to do it, too."

And I just knew this was the moment I waited all summer for.

♪ I am starting to see stars... ♪

We were finally gonna be together,

in person, no more virtual kisses.

♪ This is how it ends ♪

♪ A courageous boom ♪

[ Music winds down and stops ]

I've been dying for this.

This Paris weed is trash.

Do you have -- Do you have a lighter?

This kimono doesn't have pockets.

I don't even...

Excuse me.

Okay, to be fair,

Paris weed does suck.

Look, okay, look. I was mad annoyed,

but I wasn't gonna take it personally.

So, we grabbed a blanket, moved to the couch,

he started playing with my hair. You get it.

Ana and Nomi: Aww!

Zoey: [ Sighs ] Yeah, but then,

I go, "Can you stop pulling?"

and then he goes, "You stop pulling, head-ass,"

then I go, "I'm not!"

I told him, "I just paid for this,"

and then he had the nerve to say,

"Maybe you should rock more buns."

Buns aren't flattering to my face!

Ana: Get off the wig. What happened?

[ Sighs ]

So, we tried to just chill and watch a movie.

I figured if anyone could get us there, Hugh Grant could.

Woman on television: I love you.

Man on television: Well, come here, then.

Zoey: And when the music swells at the end of the movie...

♪♪

[ Music winds down and stops ]

[ Snoring ]

Okay, now you can be pissed.

Please tell me

you smothered his drowsy ass with a pillow.

Or at least slapped him awake

and then slapped him back to sleep again. Mm-hmm.

I made sure he had a blanket so he wasn't cold.

Then I left.

♪♪

I'm not even angry, guys. I'm just disappointed

that this big moment that I wanted to create didn't happen.

I mean, sophomore year was supposed to be

my awesome sequel. -Zoey, life isn't a movie.

You don't figure it out simply by saying you figured it out.

Okay, but I-I should be winning.

Last year was my year of screwing up --

like, major screwing up.

This year's supposed to be perfect.

Why are you putting that kind of pressure on yourself?

It's only day one.

If we start at perfect,

we have nowhere else to go but down.

Yeah, I mean, think about day one last year.

Ana puked all over herself in a kiddie pool.

And you abandoned me after I puked all over myself in a kiddie pool.

And I got an STD on my hand from a rando in a bathroom.

Okay, we all had a horrible start to freshman year.

What's your point? -Well, that is the point.

Freshman year started off crappy,

and for some of us, with the help of a Z-Pak,

we were able to turn things around

and make something of it.

Yeah, take a look around, Zo.

[ Camera shutter clicking ]

We turned this dump into our dream apartment.

♪ I'ma fall through on the regular ♪

Sophomore year's still young, but I'd say

it's trending in the right direction.

Yeah, and you know what else is still young, ladies?

The night, and we still got bottles.

Oh. Yeah.

Oh, for moi? Yeah. You needed it.

[ Laughs ]

Um, a toast

to not being perfect.

Okay, to making sophomore year

a whole new movie and not a sequel.

To low expectations

and very, very strong antibiotics.

-Cheers. I'll cheers to that. -Call me during the day.

-Call me during the -- -Just drink.

Just cheers me and drink.

-Cheers. -Thank you.

The bad thing about having unrealistic expectations

is having to admit when you're wrong, but the good thing

about embracing realistic expectations...

...is that you find yourself

more forgiving of other people's faults.

[ Knocks on door ]

Can we snuggle tonight, Zo?

And it allows the smallest gestures to blow you away.

[ Knocks on door ]

I knew Luca wouldn't let me down.

Sky: We heard about what happened.

We were going back and forth between

buffalo and dill flavored... -But we ultimately decided

this was a classic sour cream and cheddar moment.

Get in here, you snacky bitches.

♪ If only we could all get together ♪

So, things may not be exactly right with Luca,

but if there's one group

who really does have their shit on lock,

it's my girls.

♪ All the better off we all could be ♪ We 'bout

I've been starving myself.

♪ All the better off we all could be ♪

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