All language subtitles for Best Friends Whenever S01E02 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 5.1 x264-TrollHD_track3_und

SHELBY: Previously on
Best Friends Whenever...

I'm so excited
that my best friend
is living with me forever.

My whole family loves you.

Your brothers
definitely love me.

I'm giving her
flowers, Chet.

No, I'm giving
her flowers, Bret.

Barry, open up.

Smell this.
Ugh!

Why did I do that?

That's what I'm trying
to figure out.

Check out our new
chest hair machine!

BARRY: It's not
a chest hair
machine, Renaldo.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

I was worried
maybe that laser
did something to us.

It could have sent you
to another dimension
or made you time travel.

Why are we
in my bedroom?

Maybe that's it!
We think about a time

while we're hugging
or touching or something.

Did we just
figure out
time travel?

I think we did.

There is no possible way
you two are time travelers.

But we're time travelers.

Explain that!

Granted. Physicists
have postulated
that it's possible,

but the probability that you
are time travelers

is 5 times 10
to the negative 1 billion.

That's .00000...
Stay with me...

...000...

There's a billion more
to go.

...000...
Let's prove it. Bump me.

Ooh, I like that we're
calling it that now.

I will grant you,

physicists have postulated
that it's possible...

ALL: But the probability
that you are time travelers

is 5 times 10 to
the negative 1 billion.

That's .00000...

Stay with us.
...000...

There's a billion more to go.
...000...

Either you're time travelers
or you're now
as smart as I am.

You're time travelers!

We had to relive
that speech 15 times

before we could memorize it.

I wrote it on my hand.

Welcome to our time.

If I can figure out
how it happened,

I'll be the greatest
scientist since Einstein.

And he didn't develop
his theory of relativity
until he was 28.

I'm 15!

E equals MC
in your face, Albert!

To be clear, I know
E equals MC squared.

I altered the equation
for the sake of the burn.

We're gonna have so much fun
with time travel.

I was just gonna say that.

Well, let's go back
so you can say it.

Nah, you nailed it.

Aw, let's go back to
when you said I nailed it.

That was so sweet.

Guys! You need to be careful.

If people find out
you have special powers,

they'll lock you up in a lab
and experiment on you.

That's certainly what
I would do if I had more space
in the Winnebago.

Wait, do you think
that's what was going on in
the future lab we saw?

What future lab?

Just some crazy mystery lab

where me and Shelbs
were strapped to
these glowing tables.

Don't worry, we are
never going there again.

Smack it!

We're in the
crazy mystery lab again!

Why would someone
do this to us?

We're gonna have
to figure this out!

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Someone's coming!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Why are you screaming?

We just went back there!

Why are you
screaming?

We're out of chips!

Did somebody say "magic"?

Pretty sure nobody
said "magic."

I am the Amazing Chet!

I am the Also Amazing Bret!

Prepare for three hours
of illusions.

Skip to the end, Chet.

The dove in my pants is
nesting in my tender parts.

♪ I know it sounds crazy

♪ But time doesn't faze me

♪ Ever since it lost
its hold on me

♪ Hey, hey

♪ Hung out till midnight

♪ Missed the curfew,
that's all right

♪ I'm back to bed
and right on time,
you'll see

♪ Whenever

♪ You need me

♪ I'm right there with you

♪ Whenever

♪ There's something

♪ You wanna redo

♪ The clock is ticking
but not for me

♪ I'm living in
a different reality

♪ Whenever

♪ Whatever

♪ Wherever

♪ I'm right there with you

♪ I'm right there with you

♪ Hey, hey ♪

Hey, Shelbs.
What're you workin' on?

Making something to
give Diesel a little sazzle.

(WHIMPERING)

I don't know, Shelby,
a tiara?

You're right, you're right.
The tiara doesn't work

without the glasses.

And I made
something for you, too.

See, this is why
you're my girl.

You love making stuff,
I love getting stuff.

It's Shelby and Cyd's
Official Study Buddy Binder.

Just in time for our
history test tomorrow.

That's a mosaic
of us studying.

This looks like
my actual hair.

Did you get this
out of my brush?

Well I certainly
didn't yank it out

of your head
while you were sleeping

like a hair-plucking nutjob.

Now come on,

let's get studying,
study buddy.

You know, you're
taking a sweet thing
like being buddies

and making it all dirty
by slapping that
"study" stank on it.

Come on, Cyd,
we have to study so we can
go to the same college,

marry best friends,
have kids,

our kids can marry each other,

have kids and we
can be grandmas together.

Is this all about us being
grandmas together?

When has it not been?

But none of that happens

if we show up to
Ms. Nesbit's test unprepared.

Time for the test.

We jumped forward
to Ms. Nesbit's test.

And we're unprepared!

This test is so hard,
even I don't know
some of the answers.

Just kidding.
I know the answers,

but you won't!

Whoa, Barry,
what happened to your face?

I just told you before class.

Oh, that wasn't us.
We just jumped here
from yesterday.

Of course!
You're time travelers.

You can go back and
stop this from happening.

Sorry, Barry. We made a pact
to never use time travel

to stop hilarious things
from happening to you.

This is so messed up.

Whenever we think
about the test, we jump there.

How can we study for a test

without thinking
about the test?

You know, your grandma plan
is based on us going
to college together,

not a good college.

No, we have to go
to a good college

so we can found
Cyd and Shelby Incorporated.

What is Cyd and Shelby
Incorporated?

An environmentally friendly,
equal-opportunity employer

that facilitates
intergenerational
communication

and everyone sits
on exercise balls.

I'm into any job
where sick abs are in
the mission statement.

Then come on, we have to
study for Ms. Nesbit's class
without touching each other.

Studying? I'm out.

Cyd...
What?

Time for the test.

BOTH: Dang it!

We have to focus on
not touching each other.

But we touch each other
all the time.

Because we're best friends.

We are best friends.

BOTH: Aw!

Time for the test.

BOTH: Dang it!

We're here because
we hugged each other.

That is a weird thing to say.

If you're watching this,
it means I, Barry Eisenberg,

have unlocked the secrets
of time travel.

And you're standing in
the welcome center

of the Barry Eisenberg
Time Travel Institute.

Please, sign the guest book
and tell us,

when do you come from?

Hi, I'm Naldo.

If we can re-create
time travel,

this will be one of the most
important videos of all time.

Right up there with
Armstrong on the moon,

or Carl Sagan's Pale Blue Dot,

or...
The video of the guy

who finds a pickle
under his hat and says,

"How'd that pickle get there?"

That's you.
It is?

How'd that pickle get there?

I put it there.

Renaldo, Shelby and Cyd
have achieved

the greatest scientific
milestone of all time.

It is our duty
as men of science, nay,

as members of the human race,

to unlock the secrets
of their discovery.

So we can take credit for it.

When I say the word,

set the oscillator to 400
and blast me.

But Shelby and Cyd said
they were hugging
when the laser hit them.

I'm not sure I like
what you're suggesting.

Bring it in, buddy.
For science.

This is nice.

Just zap us already!

Do you think it worked?

Of course it didn't work.

Okay, but if we go outside
and get eaten by a dinosaur,

I'm gonna be like,
"I told you so! Ahhh!

"It hurts! Why did
you bring me here?"

That's what I'm gonna be like.

Ugh, history.

Why are we studying
stuff that's already happened?

We should be studying stuff
that hasn't happened.

That's the stuff
you need to know.

We're never
gonna learn all this.

If only we knew
what was gonna be on the test.

Oh, no. That's the
face you made

just before we
got thrown into mall jail.

(GRUNTS)

Time for the test.

Ha! Now we know
what's gonna be on the test.

That doesn't make sense
to any of you

but she knows
what I'm talking about.

I can't believe we jumped
forward in time

and stole a test
from the future!
That's like

cheating!
Exactly!

It's like cheating.
But it isn't.

The same way this library card

is like a credit card,

but all I can
buy with it is books.

Cyd, cheating is wrong

and you have to
give those books back.

Shelbs, using this test
is not cheating.

If you have a
photographic memory

and you use it to ace tests,

is it cheating?

No.
Of course not!

Because a photographic memory

is an awesome power.

Well, time travel
is our awesome power,

and with awesome power
comes awesome...

Responsibility.
-Shortcuts.

We are not cheating.

Shelby,

there's no way we're
gonna do well on this test.

This is the only way
we'll stay on track

for college and
Cyd and Shelby Incorporated,

and everything in our
Happily Ever After binder.

You read the
Happily Ever After binder?

There's really
a Happily Ever After binder?

I thought I was
making that up.

Can we just do
this test my way?

Please? For me?

I mean, it's not like
we have the answers.

We have the questions.

Like a study guide.

Exactly! A study guide

is what I should
have called it

when you asked,
"Is this cheating?"

Well, I guess I didn't need
to waste that time

making our study binder.

You didn't waste your time.
Diesel loves that thing.

Now that he finally
has glasses,
I think he can read.

Again, nothing!

I wouldn't call the last
30 seconds nothing.

I can't believe Shelby and Cyd
created time travel

by bumbling into my lab
like a couple of isotopes.

Barry.
Fine.

I'll put a quarter in the
"science words that
sound like swears" jar.

There's no reason
to call the girls names.

I'm sure they didn't mean
to discover time travel.

It was an accident.

That's it! Some of
the greatest
scientific discoveries

have been total
accidents!

I've been going about this
all wrong.

I don't need logic and reason,

I need chaos and idiocy.

Did somebody say "magic"?

Get ready for the
teleportation trick.

I enter here...

But now I am here!

Were they amazed?

Way to go, Bret!

Now they know
there's two of us!

Because you told them, Chet!

I'm gonna use my
magic wand on you!

I'm gonna use my
magic wand on you!

Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow!

This is it! Genius
born of pure stupidity.

Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow!

BOTH: Whoa!

And now Chet and I
will disappear!

Do I look okay?

No.

This test is so hard,
even I don't know
some of the answers.

Just kidding.
I know the answers,

but you won't!

I want you to jump back
and make sure
this doesn't happen.

Who's to say we haven't
tried a bunch of times

and it always
ends up this way?

Have you?
Who's to say?

I am so pumped you're
doing this my way.
Aren't you pumped?

Super pumped.

Are you sure you're pumped?

'Cause you're doing that
scratchy thing you do

when you get worked up.

No, no, this is not
one of my stress rashes.

This is just my skin
being excited.

Woot-woot!

Time's up, flunkers!

Please put your pencils down

and get ready to
disappoint your parents.

Shelby, are you sure
you're okay?

'Cause that's looking a lot
like you're stress-scratching.

(LAUGHING) No, no, no stress.

BOTH: Da-dang!

(HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING)

Sorry, it's just,
you look like a monster.

That really looks like
a full-blown stress rash.

Getting the test early is
a bit of an adjustment for me,

but it's fine.

In fact, I think
the rash is going away.

It doesn't even itch anymore.

Oh, look, there's Ted.

His name's not Ted.

Oh, he just has
one of those Ted faces.

I'm just so glad
you're feeling better,

'cause this is awesome.

We'll ace every test
from now on.

You're gonna have to
change your name from

from Shel-B to Shel-A!

(LAUGHING) You're so funny!

What are you doing?

Nothing, just
friending around.

I was just... (BELCHES)

Did you just stress-belch?

No, no, of course not.

That was just a...
(BELCHES)

Ugh! Were you burning
hair in your mouth?

232 attempts

and subject is no closer
to re-creating time travel.

Subject is considering
switching area of study to

the humanities.

So there's not gonna be
a time travel institute?

But I already got potatoes
to make Naldo bobbleheads
for the gift shop.

How could science
have failed me?

I give up.

Maybe it's not even science.
Maybe it's some kind of magic.

Did somebody say "magic"?

Oh, shuds! I did say "magic"!

The Great Chetdini

will now escape from
the Chains of Doom!

Lock me up,
The Great Bretdini.

(THUD)

I whacked my waist bone!

This is a really good trick.

Drag me off! Drag me off!

Thank you! Thank you!

I love Bretdini and Chetdini.

Why? They've never
successfully performed
a single magic trick.

But they keep trying.

Maybe they shouldn't.

Maybe I shouldn't.

What are you talking about?

When someone's
not good at something,

they need to be
honest with themselves.

Renaldo, the past two days
have been a complete failure.

Science is the
only thing I love.

What if I'm not good at it?

No one ever succeeded
at anything by giving up.

I believe in you, Barry.

And, dude, it's
only been two days.

It takes my dad three days
to smoke a brisket.

So you're saying I could
solve this tomorrow?

Not if you give up today.

Renaldo,

let's do this!

Aw, yeah! Come on, Barry,
bobble with me.
No.

Bobble. Bobble.
Bobble. Bobble.
No. No. No. No.

See? That could've been me.

Shelby, I'm starting
to worry about you.

First the rash,
then the belching,
and now you're

stress-eating.

I'm not stress-eating.

This is just a little
victory snack.

I mean, we did something huge

and we totally got
away with it.

Hello, girls.

That was nasty.

I'm so sorry to interrupt,
but I just wanted to
give you your grades.

You both got As.
How did you do it?

We tried studying.

I'm just gonna say,
believe the hype,

it works.

No one else got As.

Not even the smart boy
with the janky eyebrows.

But you two did.

You seem a little
nervous there, Shelby.

Is there something
you wanna tell me?

You are stress-eating!
You can't go on like this.

Girl, you're eating napkins.

Tell Ms. Nesbit
what's bothering you.

Maybe we should tell her.

Maybe it'll make
you feel better.

I feel fine. (COUGHS)

Okay, we cheated!

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

That is the least
of your worries now.

I am getting you
both expelled!

But first, I gotta stop
by the science lab

and get in the chem shower
for 35 to 45 minutes.

Why did you do that?
I was handling it.

You weren't handling it,
you were falling apart.

Why did you let it
go this far?

Well, because you asked me to.

I would do anything for you.

Shelby, we've been
best friends since
kindergarten

and I know you'd do
anything for me,

and I think maybe
I took advantage of that.

I'm sorry.
We were in it together.

Like I said in mall jail,
"It may have been
your idea, but it took

"both of us to make those
mannequins touch
each other's butts."

Look, from now on,
if either of us

feels uncomfortable
with something,

we have to tell each other.

Deal.

Now let's go to the principal
and take our punishment.

I am not comfortable
with that.

Shelby, Cyd, you're just
in time for the big news.

This morning, I received
an anonymous call that someone

got a copy of the test.

But don't worry,
I made a new test

and it's so hard that
some of the history on it
didn't even happen!

Thanks for tipping Nesbit off.

Kind of had to.

What we did
wasn't like cheating,

it was cheating.

I knew it wasn't
a study guide.

I can't believe
you bought that.

I can't believe you
sold it to me.

I'm just glad we can
use time travel
to fix our mistakes.

Besides, an A would
look weird on my report card.

All those Cs would be like,

"Whatcha you doin' here, A?

"You think you're
better than us?"

I want you to go back and
keep this from happening.

Oh, we've been
to this timeline before.
We're prepared.

This doesn't help.
Helps us.

You may begin now.

This test is impossible.

Hey, let's go back to when
Ms. Nesbit decided

she wanted to be a teacher

and convince her to be
anything else.

I am not
uncomfortable with that.

Now this test I can handle.

Yeah, Ms. Johnson
is so much nicer.

Louise Johnson,
you are under arrest

for unpaid parking tickets.

Keep 'em where I can see 'em.

Officer Nesbit,
does this test still count?

That's a weird thing to ask.

For my next trick,

I will need a volunteer
from the audience.

Ooh! Me! Me!

You, sir.

We have never met before.
Is that correct?

Never.

If you will.

That guy always gets
picked for these tricks.

And now, levitation!

I bet Bobble Renaldo
would've loved
being here for this.

Who's to say he isn't?

BOTH: Magic!