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1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:04,737
It's family game night at the Smiths'!
2
00:00:04,739 --> 00:00:06,605
Welcome back. I'm your host Tuttle.
3
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:08,673
And we're playing "The Newlywed Game."
4
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,275
I'm not part of your family.
5
00:00:10,277 --> 00:00:11,610
I want to go home.
6
00:00:11,612 --> 00:00:12,811
But you're doing a great job!
7
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:14,679
Also, remember our arrangement!
8
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You host, or you get this.
9
00:00:18,256 --> 00:00:20,218
All right, gentlemen, let's see how well
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00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:22,955
your wives have predicted
what you will say.
11
00:00:22,957 --> 00:00:25,223
Francine, the question was,
12
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,692
"Who is your husband's personal hero?"
13
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:31,964
That's easy. He has all his cookbooks,
DVDs, and posters.
14
00:00:31,966 --> 00:00:35,900
Stan's hero is... Guy Fieri!
15
00:00:35,902 --> 00:00:37,235
Mwah!
16
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:39,571
Fieri's the coolest cat in America,
17
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:42,374
shakin' his tail feather
with the five S's...
18
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,843
style, smile, sickness, slickness,
19
00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:47,379
and smoked meats that are oh-so-tender.
20
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,047
And guess what, kiddies?
21
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,450
He's in town scouting locations
22
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,252
for "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives!"
23
00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:56,388
Lookie here, baby.
24
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,190
Uh-huh!
25
00:00:58,192 --> 00:00:59,924
Klaus, we're playing a game here.
26
00:00:59,926 --> 00:01:02,327
Well, it's game on for Klaus, too.
27
00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:05,998
I'm taking my new outfit out
tonight to score some honeys.
28
00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:09,734
Whatever. Go to hell.
29
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,670
No [bleep] you, Klaus!
30
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Now, to our leading couple who
have not missed a question yet.
31
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Hayley,
who is your husband's personal hero?
32
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That would be Ben Dronkers.
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Mwah!
34
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Ben Dronkers? Who the hell's that?
35
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:28,753
He created Gorilla Glue #4,
Jeff's favorite strain of weed.
36
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:31,023
Hayley, don't say "favorite" so loud!
37
00:01:31,025 --> 00:01:32,424
The other weeds will hear you!
38
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Every one of Jeff's answers
is marijuana-related.
39
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,028
It's why they're winning.
40
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His only interest is getting stoned!
41
00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:40,232
- Dad!
- He's got no job, no future!
42
00:01:40,234 --> 00:01:42,767
There's nothing to him
besides smoking pot!
43
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:45,237
Mr. S., you're stressing me out!
44
00:01:48,657 --> 00:01:51,043
Tuttle! Let "The Newlywed Game"
records show
45
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my son-in-law has no identity!
46
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Hate to be the guy he's mad at.
47
00:01:58,853 --> 00:02:01,586
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
48
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:05,323
? I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ?
49
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:08,527
? The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ?
50
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:13,098
? And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ?
51
00:02:14,869 --> 00:02:18,203
? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ?
52
00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:20,939
- ? Good... ?
- ? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
53
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:21,940
Aah!
54
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:26,645
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?
55
00:02:29,622 --> 00:02:31,283
Maybe your dad's right.
56
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:34,086
Maybe my identity is all about weed.
57
00:02:34,088 --> 00:02:37,021
I don't know if "maybe"
is the right word.
58
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:39,291
I need to take a walk
and think things over.
59
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:41,293
- Want me to go with you, babe?
- Nah.
60
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:45,030
I'm just gonna go do some
circles in the laundry room.
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00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:50,168
- I've been eavesdropping.
- Oh.
62
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,705
But I do agree, you need an identity,
63
00:02:52,707 --> 00:02:55,440
and a great way to do that... get a job!
64
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:58,843
A job? I better talk to Hayley.
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00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:01,379
She'll know what she wants me to do.
66
00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:02,915
Hayley. Yes.
67
00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:05,918
I was just talking to
our mutual friend Hayley.
68
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:07,852
You can leave that open!
69
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,188
Jeff, I hate to plant
this idea in your head,
70
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,924
but Hayley's also been complaining
71
00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:14,058
that you have no identity/job.
72
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:15,048
Oh, no!
73
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,331
Wait, I like pizza.
74
00:03:19,333 --> 00:03:21,866
Maybe I could get a job answering doors
75
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,602
for people who order pizza.
76
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,804
- Like at parties!
- Or...?
77
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:30,242
What if I got a job
working at a pizza place?
78
00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:35,814
I think that might be genius.
79
00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:46,091
I wonder if my identity is someone
who puts olives on a pizza.
80
00:03:49,419 --> 00:03:52,330
Not bad. Just the right amount of grime.
81
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:55,934
Holy legit-a-moly, boys,
we may have found a dive!
82
00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:59,871
I don't think you're
allowed to just grab that.
83
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:02,608
Pal, don't you know who that is?
84
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,610
Some county treasurer?
85
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:06,278
That's Guy Fieri!
86
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,481
Shh! Don't interrupt!
He's about to hunch!
87
00:04:12,398 --> 00:04:13,351
Mmm!
88
00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:16,154
I'm getting the fennel and
fattiness from the sausage,
89
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,757
a nice kick of Cayenne in the sauce.
90
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:21,359
Buddy! Talk about
packing up the taste buds
91
00:04:21,361 --> 00:04:23,762
for a weekend trip to Flavortown!
92
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,230
Is that good?
93
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:27,833
He asked if that's good.
94
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:30,035
Hey, Guy, check this dude out!
95
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:31,770
He looks like you!
96
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,439
I'm not really seeing it.
97
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,307
I swear, boss! Let me show you.
98
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:38,644
A little more mustache,
some cool earrings.
99
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,779
There it is! I see the resemblance.
100
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:45,451
Something about this dude who
looks like me that I just like.
101
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:47,653
Brother, you have got to hang with us.
102
00:04:47,978 --> 00:04:49,655
No way!
103
00:04:53,136 --> 00:04:57,663
Out on the town, and everyone's
checking out my new outfit.
104
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,531
- Excuse me.
- It's on.
105
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:02,801
- So, baby, what's your name?
- Black Nissan.
106
00:05:03,956 --> 00:05:05,403
You think I'm some car valet
107
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:08,273
because of my white shirt,
my bow tie, my sweet vest,
108
00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:11,276
my foreign accent... Oh, balls.
109
00:05:11,278 --> 00:05:13,145
Hold on, maybe we just go with it.
110
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:15,413
Could be a great opportunity
to pick up a few bucks.
111
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,815
And a lucky break, too.
I don't have a dime on me.
112
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,486
Nothing? You told me you
were paying for the evening!
113
00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:22,688
I see what happened here.
114
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:26,392
I was lying to you, Klaus.
I don't respect you.
115
00:05:28,688 --> 00:05:30,162
Anything interesting happen at work?
116
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:32,498
I found an olive slice that
looked like a doughnut.
117
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,232
Well, no wonder you're so tired.
118
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:36,902
Oh, and, also, Guy Fieri came in.
119
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,636
He asked me to hang out with him
120
00:05:38,638 --> 00:05:42,040
and some friends of his
he calls the Pesto Crew.
121
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,242
Guy Fieri asked you to join his posse?
122
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:47,846
Yeah, but they seem kind of weird,
so I think I'll pass.
123
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,382
Well, if you're not interested,
then you shouldn't...
124
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,452
Shut up! Shut up!
125
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:57,122
Jeff, don't make the biggest
mistake of your life!
126
00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:00,326
Guy Fieri has tapped you
to join the Pesto Crew.
127
00:06:00,328 --> 00:06:01,993
Do you know what that means?
128
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:05,197
Mr. S., you just said 25 words in a row.
129
00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:09,735
People don't think I count words,
but sometimes I do.
130
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:12,270
Jeff, this is your identity!
131
00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,739
- It is?
- Yes!
132
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,340
What greater identity is there
133
00:06:15,342 --> 00:06:17,609
than giving me access to Guy Fieri?
134
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:20,346
- It doesn't seem like I'd fit in with...
- Don't disappoint Hayley.
135
00:06:20,348 --> 00:06:22,881
- But she said she didn't care...
- Eh, eh, eh, eh!
136
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:25,951
Sounds like what a divorce
lawyer might advise her to say.
137
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:28,286
A d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d?!
138
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,487
Divorce.
139
00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:31,289
So if you want to save your marriage,
140
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,958
you'll join the Pesto Crew.
141
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,826
It's exactly what Hayley craves.
142
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:35,961
How do you know?
143
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,496
Because we share the same sperm-DNA.
144
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,566
Everything I like, she likes, too.
145
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:42,634
- It's genetics.
- Of course.
146
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:43,769
Genetics!
147
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:46,572
Oh, my God, Jeff,
are you making the case to me,
148
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:50,242
scientifically,
that you need to join the Pesto Crew?
149
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:55,881
You've done it again.
150
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,122
Show us your clam!
151
00:07:07,873 --> 00:07:10,728
That man is waggling his penis at me!
152
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:14,066
No one's stopping you
from waggling back, Cracker Jack!
153
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:17,403
Yeah!
154
00:07:17,405 --> 00:07:21,240
Man, oh, man. He is on top of the world.
155
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:28,513
And then Jeff told me Guy wants
to open a caf� in the Louvre.
156
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:30,649
And then Jeff told me
they'd only serve ribs
157
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:33,652
and it would be called
"Guy's Art-Town Motorcycle Munchies."
158
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:36,121
Hayley,
I'd like to take this opportunity
159
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,389
to congratulate you on
your marriage to Jeff.
160
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,592
Dad, you could have
said that at my wedding
161
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:43,128
instead of demanding that the
band play more "white" music.
162
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:47,066
Can it really be?
163
00:07:47,068 --> 00:07:48,800
Meet the fam!
164
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,402
Guy's here! In my house!
165
00:07:51,844 --> 00:07:54,606
No one chows without boogie-woogie rock
166
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:55,674
while I'm around.
167
00:07:57,591 --> 00:07:58,944
Mmm!
168
00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:01,813
Bodaciously buttery spuds. Mmm.
169
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:05,350
That is the definition
of stupid in Flavortown.
170
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,153
Uh, would you care to sit?
171
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:11,290
Guy only eats standing up.
172
00:08:11,292 --> 00:08:13,292
Geeks eat sitting down.
173
00:08:13,294 --> 00:08:15,494
Wait, everybody eats sitting down. Hey!
174
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:16,495
Jeff!
175
00:08:16,497 --> 00:08:20,031
M-Mr. Fieri,
I'm Jeff's father-in-law, Stan.
176
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,700
- I'm honored to...
- Looks like Ruffles
177
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:24,770
is flirtin' with your smokin'
hot daughter.
178
00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:31,310
Her name's Hayley. I made her
myself out of my own sperm-DNA.
179
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:34,313
Get off me!
180
00:08:34,315 --> 00:08:36,848
Uh-oh! Someone's on the rag!
181
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:40,185
Don't worry,
she keeps tampons in her purse!
182
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,654
Look at me, I'm a bigwig.
183
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,389
I'm gonna do a factory.
184
00:08:44,755 --> 00:08:45,852
Jeff!
185
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,862
I'm saving my marriage!
186
00:08:55,136 --> 00:08:57,268
Jeff's been acting like a total jerk
187
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,871
since he became part of this Pesto Crew.
188
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,540
Not true. Nope. Never.
189
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:04,475
Stan, you have to get him to quit.
190
00:09:04,951 --> 00:09:06,678
I'm afraid we've come to an impasse.
191
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,747
You're not budging. I'm not budging.
192
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:11,817
There's no choice left but...
Family War!
193
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:15,220
Men versus women! Hyah!
194
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,289
Steve! It's Family War! Steve!
195
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,625
Jeff, let me be very clear.
196
00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:23,562
This new "identity"
of yours is absolutely not working.
197
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,897
Wait, I thought
it would help our marriage.
198
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,234
Nope. It's actually negatively
affecting our relationship.
199
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,837
Oh. But they're pretty funny guys...
200
00:09:31,839 --> 00:09:34,973
Jeff, I'm not kidding around.
Promise you'll quit.
201
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,543
I will, I promise.
202
00:09:40,023 --> 00:09:41,394
This is nice...
203
00:09:42,183 --> 00:09:45,517
Family War...
204
00:09:46,583 --> 00:09:48,854
Steve! It's going down!
205
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,189
Where are you?!
206
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,460
Stockton to Malone!
207
00:09:55,396 --> 00:09:57,729
I've never seen a valet do that.
208
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,130
They're digging us.
209
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:02,133
Steve: Man, this bed is,
like, super lumpy.
210
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,870
Was that... Was that Steve's voice?
211
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:07,472
You're supposed to get a
new bed every 10 years.
212
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:10,141
How long have I had this thing?
213
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:13,344
So... keep parking cars?
214
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:16,382
Yeah! Keep parking cars.
215
00:10:22,556 --> 00:10:24,223
Adelante!
216
00:10:24,764 --> 00:10:28,827
Jeff-O! Pull up some chairs,
help me dip some of this shit!
217
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:32,097
Actually, sir,
there's something I need to talk about.
218
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,565
That sounds serious.
219
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,700
Due to marital circumstances,
220
00:10:35,702 --> 00:10:37,703
I have to quit the Pesto Crew.
221
00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:40,572
And if you're looking for
someone to replace him,
222
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:43,108
here's a chicken breast I've
been marinating for 8 years
223
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,843
in Mountain Dew and soy sauce.
224
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,845
Please consider this my application.
225
00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,514
I refuse this.
226
00:10:50,251 --> 00:10:53,252
Jeff, I hate hearing
that you want to leave.
227
00:10:53,254 --> 00:10:54,786
But I agree with you.
228
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:57,256
You shouldn't be in the Pesto Crew.
229
00:10:57,258 --> 00:10:59,124
You should be its leader.
230
00:11:00,079 --> 00:11:02,661
I haven't announced it yet,
but I'm retiring.
231
00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:06,798
And, Jeff, I want you to run my empire.
232
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,000
Me? Why?
233
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:13,071
You have the stuff to be Chief
Junkyard Dog of Flavortown.
234
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:16,541
That sounds amazing.
235
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:18,077
It's just that Hayley...
236
00:11:18,079 --> 00:11:19,678
- Do it, you maroon!
- But...
237
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,680
She didn't like when
you were a hanger-on.
238
00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:25,417
But if you were the one
others were hanging onto,
239
00:11:25,419 --> 00:11:26,818
Hayley would eat it up!
240
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:28,954
Like a Big Bite Motley-Q Sandwich
241
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,889
- dripping with donkey sauce!
- She said...
242
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,825
Remember, this is coming from
your future number-one toadie,
243
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:36,295
so you know I'm giving
it to you straight.
244
00:11:36,297 --> 00:11:41,766
I think you're right.
This is something I need to do.
245
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:45,436
Mr. Fieri, I accept your offer
to run the empire.
246
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:48,907
Gangster choice. To the new Guy Fieri!
247
00:11:50,599 --> 00:11:52,978
It looks like a hole-in-the-wall
from the outside,
248
00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:55,714
but if you like greasy,
gloopy, home-style cooking
249
00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:59,651
served by ordinary people,
you've come to the right place.
250
00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:01,987
Welcome to the Smith house,
251
00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:04,456
the kind of joint where
you can throw peanut shells
252
00:12:04,458 --> 00:12:05,857
right on the floor.
253
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:08,860
Jeff! You said you were going to quit!
254
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,195
Quiet, please!
255
00:12:10,197 --> 00:12:13,332
No shirt, no shoes, no problem!
256
00:12:13,334 --> 00:12:15,867
Jeff! Our room! Now!
257
00:12:16,396 --> 00:12:19,938
You promised... promised...
you would quit the Pesto Crew.
258
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:22,674
As long as we're gonna flap our lips,
why don't we scarf something?
259
00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:26,477
Why don't we take an entire sea bass,
slice it down the middle,
260
00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:29,014
slather it with my
signature spicy ketchup,
261
00:12:29,016 --> 00:12:32,483
and wash it down with
some icy-cold Cervezas?
262
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:35,687
Jeff! You crossed a serious
line in our relationship.
263
00:12:35,689 --> 00:12:37,756
See, this is what I love.
264
00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:41,026
Talking to real people
about real things.
265
00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:42,427
That's my America.
266
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,830
Please, I need you to listen.
267
00:12:45,992 --> 00:12:48,233
No! No! I am not gonna fist bump!
268
00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:50,502
Jeff, I feel betrayed.
269
00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:52,371
Our marriage is in trouble.
270
00:12:52,373 --> 00:12:54,973
Dog house alert.
271
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:57,042
What is this?
272
00:12:57,044 --> 00:13:00,979
I don't think I know
who you are anymore...
273
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:09,054
Dang, I warned him
his marriage was in danger,
274
00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:11,323
but he just wouldn't listen.
275
00:13:13,527 --> 00:13:17,529
Yesterday I ate something pickled,
and I was like, "Ooh!"
276
00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:21,132
Jeff, this breaks my heart
more than you can imagine,
277
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:24,335
but I can't stand seeing
my daughter so miserable.
278
00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:25,937
This Guy Fieri thing you're doing...
279
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,139
...it has to end.
280
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:31,676
Time to unspike that hair.
281
00:13:32,287 --> 00:13:35,414
Weird. But your stupid hat covers all.
282
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:40,018
Impossible. Jeff, what is going on?
Talk to me!
283
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:43,354
Sammy Hagar likes poblano peppers.
284
00:13:43,356 --> 00:13:45,557
Take those stupid glasses off!
285
00:13:50,631 --> 00:13:54,032
My God, there's something
supernatural happening.
286
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,300
But what?!
287
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:56,702
This bathroom is the bomb.
288
00:13:56,704 --> 00:13:58,837
You should fry some baloney in here.
289
00:14:02,998 --> 00:14:05,771
There's something extremely
strange happening with Jeff.
290
00:14:05,806 --> 00:14:08,324
I can't explain it,
but I do know one thing...
291
00:14:08,359 --> 00:14:11,954
When you have questions,
there's only one place to get answers...
292
00:14:11,989 --> 00:14:13,886
the Public Library.
293
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:19,290
I could have sworn this homeless
shelter was once a library.
294
00:14:19,966 --> 00:14:21,092
It is a library.
295
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:23,895
In that case, I'm looking
for information on Guy Fieri.
296
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:26,498
Let's start by cross-referencing
it with anything supernatural...
297
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:27,766
Volume seven.
298
00:14:27,768 --> 00:14:30,035
Time-Life's
"Mysteries of the Unknown" series.
299
00:14:31,066 --> 00:14:33,038
"The Eternal Fieri."
300
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,439
Bingo.
301
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:37,042
"Guy Fieri is a
mischievous ancient demon
302
00:14:37,044 --> 00:14:39,978
"who has existed since
the dawn of mankind.
303
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:43,782
"The demon survives by taking
control of a human body.
304
00:14:43,784 --> 00:14:46,918
"Once inside, it eats its weight in food
305
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,787
"every four-and-a-half days.
306
00:14:48,789 --> 00:14:50,856
"When diabetes inevitably sets in,
307
00:14:50,858 --> 00:14:55,060
"the demon must exit the body
and migrate into a younger one.
308
00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:57,196
"And so it continues
its never-ending quest
309
00:14:57,198 --> 00:15:00,799
for bold flavors,
boisterous compadres, pinkie rings..."
310
00:15:00,801 --> 00:15:04,335
My God. The demon has moved into Jeff.
311
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,938
Jeff is Guy Fieri.
312
00:15:07,589 --> 00:15:10,542
Do you have "Infinite Jest?"
313
00:15:10,948 --> 00:15:13,078
Francine, you need to brace yourself.
314
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,880
That's not Jeff.
315
00:15:14,882 --> 00:15:16,815
- That's a demon.
- What up, goose?
316
00:15:16,817 --> 00:15:18,817
And the only way to remove the demon
317
00:15:18,819 --> 00:15:22,954
is to return it to where it was
born long ago... Flavortown.
318
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:25,891
- Jeff's... a demon?
- Speed it up, Francine.
319
00:15:25,893 --> 00:15:28,864
By now you should be shocked
that Flavortown is a real place.
320
00:15:28,899 --> 00:15:32,163
And it really is.
Which is why I'm taking Jeff there now.
321
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:34,233
Hey, want to boogie down the shore
322
00:15:34,235 --> 00:15:36,835
- for a little bit of sizzle?
- We talking road trip?
323
00:15:36,837 --> 00:15:38,704
Big bonanza style.
324
00:15:38,706 --> 00:15:41,306
Out. Of. Bounds.
325
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:44,109
I'll take this to-go, Big Mama.
326
00:15:53,854 --> 00:15:56,855
It says Flavortown should
be somewhere around here.
327
00:15:56,857 --> 00:16:00,459
I'll tell you one thing,
this is Frito pie weather.
328
00:16:02,863 --> 00:16:05,464
Hey! Good-looking dude.
329
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:18,510
This mack daddy's got the munchies!
330
00:16:33,694 --> 00:16:36,762
I'm home.
331
00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:42,767
Oh, dang! I left my special
driving cane in that Acura TL.
332
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:46,305
Oh, did you, Klaus? Then what's this?
333
00:16:46,307 --> 00:16:50,775
Bro, you are literally giving
me back my life right now.
334
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:53,244
Hmm, my throat's a little dry.
335
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:56,181
A nice cool glass of
water should hit the spot.
336
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:59,050
Roger, did you hear that?
Am I losing it?
337
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:01,453
If you're losing it,
I'm losing it, buddy.
338
00:17:06,059 --> 00:17:09,795
I love your outfit. I have to have you.
339
00:17:10,771 --> 00:17:12,931
This is more like it.
340
00:17:12,933 --> 00:17:15,400
So, straight to your place?
341
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:16,802
_
342
00:17:16,804 --> 00:17:18,737
Uh, going a little fast for the turn,
aren't you?
343
00:17:18,739 --> 00:17:21,173
What the [bleep]!
344
00:17:24,345 --> 00:17:27,012
Oh, sorry, sir.
We just park your vehicle.
345
00:17:27,014 --> 00:17:29,948
We don't actually keep
track of where they are.
346
00:17:29,950 --> 00:17:32,151
This guy lost our cars!
347
00:17:32,153 --> 00:17:33,552
We want our cars!
348
00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:35,754
Well, you get death!
349
00:17:35,756 --> 00:17:38,157
Hyah!
350
00:17:38,159 --> 00:17:40,159
Whoa!
351
00:17:40,161 --> 00:17:42,293
Steve, I see your light on!
352
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,763
You reading that
"Valet the Vanquisher" again?
353
00:17:44,765 --> 00:17:46,565
No, Mom!
354
00:17:46,567 --> 00:17:49,701
Moms don't need to know everything.
355
00:17:49,703 --> 00:17:52,504
It says here, "To remove the demon,
356
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:53,972
"the host body must be washed
357
00:17:53,974 --> 00:17:55,907
in the source of the demon's power."
358
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:57,308
But what is the source?
359
00:17:57,310 --> 00:18:00,912
Ahh, the source of my power.
360
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:03,048
Whoa! Are you full demon now?!
361
00:18:03,050 --> 00:18:08,920
I was forged in this spicy
habanero mango-infused queso,
362
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:12,591
the first element of all God's creation.
363
00:18:12,593 --> 00:18:14,393
So, it's good?
364
00:18:14,395 --> 00:18:15,927
I can never know.
365
00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:19,264
For if I sip from the pool,
it will destroy me,
366
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:23,002
the demon Fieri, for all of eternity.
367
00:18:23,806 --> 00:18:27,272
For Jeff to come back,
Guy Fieri has to die?
368
00:18:27,814 --> 00:18:29,674
But I like you way better than Jeff.
369
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:32,978
You... are a true G.
370
00:18:36,940 --> 00:18:39,951
How I lust to taste this.
371
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:44,355
The only flavor I will
never get down with.
372
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:47,893
Why can't Hayley love this Jeff,
the perfect Jeff?
373
00:18:49,230 --> 00:18:50,541
But she doesn't.
374
00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:58,303
Mr. Fieri, I have an idea.
May I taste the queso for you?
375
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:03,375
That, my friend,
would put the shamalama in ding dong.
376
00:19:06,513 --> 00:19:07,846
Wow.
377
00:19:07,848 --> 00:19:11,382
I knew it! Tell me how it tastes.
378
00:19:12,874 --> 00:19:13,719
It's good.
379
00:19:13,721 --> 00:19:16,055
Give me more than that, brother!
380
00:19:16,057 --> 00:19:19,991
Well, it has a yellow-y,
kind of melted taste...
381
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:22,060
Your words fail you, mortal!
382
00:19:22,062 --> 00:19:24,996
Oh, I know now!
It doesn't taste like paint.
383
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:28,167
What the hell's that even...
Get out of my way!
384
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:33,672
Mmm! These spices are off the hook.
385
00:19:33,674 --> 00:19:36,207
Habanero's totally legit.
386
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:40,479
Mmm, now I'm getting big
hits of that mango tango.
387
00:19:40,481 --> 00:19:44,416
Grease-dribbling-down-the-chin good.
388
00:19:44,418 --> 00:19:46,685
His beautiful words.
389
00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:48,287
They'll be lost forever.
390
00:19:48,289 --> 00:19:55,894
I've called things money before,
but this is money!
391
00:19:59,337 --> 00:20:01,367
I've made a terrible mistake!
392
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:10,775
Mr. Fieri?! Guy? Is this you?
393
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,177
Hey, Mr. S.!
394
00:20:12,179 --> 00:20:14,980
Nooooo!
395
00:20:14,982 --> 00:20:18,850
He wasn't a demon, he was an angel!
396
00:20:18,852 --> 00:20:22,387
So your husband's a demon.
There are good demons.
397
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:25,324
There's that fellow from Boston...
Matt Demon.
398
00:20:25,326 --> 00:20:28,459
Speed demons... They're rarely late.
399
00:20:29,330 --> 00:20:32,131
Here's your stupid husband.
400
00:20:33,177 --> 00:20:34,133
Jeff!
401
00:20:34,135 --> 00:20:35,667
What are you covered in?
402
00:20:35,669 --> 00:20:37,469
The cheese was a portal, babe!
403
00:20:37,471 --> 00:20:38,670
Ohh.
404
00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:41,540
And while I was traveling
through the cheese portal,
405
00:20:41,542 --> 00:20:43,475
I did some serious thinking.
406
00:20:43,477 --> 00:20:46,878
I realized the only identity I ever need
407
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,748
is to be the man who loves you...
408
00:20:49,750 --> 00:20:51,883
and maybe a little weed on the side.
409
00:20:51,885 --> 00:20:54,085
Oh, Jeff...
410
00:20:55,070 --> 00:20:58,623
Where the [bleep] were
you during Family War?!
411
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:00,292
Have a great night!
412
00:21:02,257 --> 00:21:04,269
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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