Original subtitles

I used to worship my mother.

I wanted to be like her.

I thought she was perfect.

Just like a Bollywood heroine.

Just like Sharmila Tagore.

I tried to be like my mother, but...

I wasn't.

- Okay! Are you ready?

- Yes. - Okay.

Disclaimer, the plot is a little insane,

it's three hours long,

and the old-age makeup is not great,

but it's the best.

First watched it with my mom when I was 12.

- I wish I knew you when you were 12.

I was not cool when I was 12.

- No one's cool when they're 12.

- Oh, I bet you were.

- Yes, maybe.

My mom used this movie

to explain love to me

or sex.

Something.

- That explains it.

- Okay, this is my favourite song.

- Wait... Isn't that the same actor playing her son,

who was her boyfriend,

husband who died before?

- Yeah, we're not subtle.

We like to whack you over the head with symbolism.

- Yeah, but isn't... isn't that weird for her?

- The actress? - Yeah?

She goes from post rain, sexy scene around a fire

to now she has to be his mom.

- Shh! Don't ruin it for me!

- I mean, it's weird.

I got the Cheerios.

- Good, now we have a healthy heart breakfast.

- Beanie Babies.

- You think Bijli wants this?

Yes, he does.

It's a collector's item.

- Hello. - So, what's the damage, Abu?

- So far.

- What could I possibly want?

- A mirrored pillow case, wooden paan box?

Mmm? Marble chessboard.

Just bring you back, Abu.

Azra...

- I didn't say that, Abu.

- Well, you should have.

Azra.

- Hello?

- Hey, Mom.

- Where's your salaam?

- Here we go.

- I just showed my roommate that movie.

The one with your favourite actress.

- I don't have a favourite actress.

- Yes, you do. Sharmila Tagore?

What are you talking about, Mom?

You introduced me to her.

- It's an M-F-A, Mom. It's an acronym,

nobody says it like a word.

- I'm not nobody.

And you're thousands of miles away in a smoky city.

What are you learning in your M-F-A?

- Shakespeare.

- Your mother studied Shakespeare.

- Then you know about "soliloquy."

It isn't just for exposition.

Characters feel too much to contain,

they need release.

- Shakespeare won't teach you how to be a good Muslim.

They couldn't be contained.

- Can I perform their monologues?

- I told you, Mom, I want to be an actor.

- But you won't understand

because you didn't go to university.

Damn it...

- You okay?

- She's so annoying.

- Useless.

Do you know how hard

I've tried to make her into a good Muslim?

- Well, the boys at my school used to say,

"If you want to know what your daughter will be like..."

- Who said I was joking?

Stop...

- We're not answering that.

- This is Azra... - And Rachel!

- Leave a message.

- We're in transit in London.

We said hello to the Queen for you.

- This is Azra... - And Rachel!

- Leave a message.

- This is Azra... - And Rachel!

- Leave a message.

He's gone!

- Abu!

- Hey, you okay?

- Mmm. I can't believe you made it.

Thought med students weren't allowed out.

- We're not. Death is the exception.

Yeah...

- Is Mom coming to get us?

- No, Sadia's picking us up.

- Who? - Sadia.

Remember... Dad's cousin, Rani Khala?

You don't remember?

Her daughter, Sadia.

- Is she single?

- What the...

- I'm not talking about for me.

- Oh, for me? - Mmm.

- Why would you be asking if she's single for me?

- Because you're into our cousins.

- I'm... Shut up.

- I should shut up? - You need to shut up.

- I'm taller than you, I can beat your ass.

- Yeah, sure.

Alcohol, vodka, whisky?

- We don't serve alcohol, ma'am.

Right, of course.

It's just, um...

I'm going to Pakistan because my dad died.

- I'm sorry.

We used to serve champagne to celebrities.

When I worked here in 1969.

She never talked about any of that.

- Azra! Azra, right?

Okay, come with me.

- You do look just like your mother did.

I'm your Rani Khala.

I'm so sorry.

- Mom?

- Thank you for taking us.

- Of course.

- Is Amira Nani okay?

How long has she been like that?

- It's pretty recent. The doctor said dementia.

- Whoa.

- Yeah, they've been around here ever since I can remember.

Probably since your mom lived here.

- Damn. Brown don't frown.

- Hold your balance...

Smile.

Not with your teeth.

- And... - Like a brown horse.

Focus!

- Ha!

- Oh, thank you.

- Wow!

- Oh, Rani?

- I'm looking for a pretty woman to be my wife.

Must fulfill three rules.

One, must be from a good family.

- Hmm. - Two, must have strong

Islamic values, and three,

must have at minimum a wheatish complexion.

He plans on moving to America.

What are the rules?

- The red piece is the queen.

You cannot win without her.

- See?

- Rani!

You won't believe who's getting married.

- Who?

You?

- What? - I know.

Oh, my God!

You have to tell me everything!

- Wait, so do I get a say?

Yeah, okay. Come.

- I'm sorry, excuse me.

I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

This is my cousin, Hassan.

Hassan, meet my best friend, Mariam.

- Hi.

- He's unmarried.

Just saying.

- Medicine. I want to be a trauma surgeon.

- Wow.

I want to help put us back together again.

- Like Humpty-Dumpty.

- Yeah, like Humpty-Dumpty.

- Brains run in the family, you know?

- Cool. Have you ever been on a plane before?

I really have no idea what I'm saying.

- That's the one I take to the U.K.

You know, I was in the terminal

when the Beatles were here.

- You were the mob.

- I'm not the walrus,

but I was most definitely the mob.

- First class.

Get the hell out.

- Perfect.

- Oh, stop it, Mom.

- Well, you won't know if I wash you or not

because you'll be dead.

- "What fire is in mine ears?

Can this be true?

I will requite thee,

taming my wild heart to thy loving hand.

If thou dost love,

my kindness shall incite thee

to bind our loves up in a holy band.

For others say thou dost deserve,

and I believe it better than reportingly."

- Hassan.

- Um... - It's hot.

Mmm!

It is hot.

- Mm-hmm. - Well, Paris is on the list.

London, of course. And...

I've always wanted to go to California.

- Really?

I'm going to the West.

- I'm doing my residency in the Wild Wild West.

Canada.

- Are you joking?

- No.

- Why Canada?

- So, you're going to marry a Canadian girl?

- Mm-hmm.

And once she marries me, she'll become a Canadian too.

- Hot.

- Really low standards, huh? - Thank you.

Did I tell you my parents want me to get married?

- No, but I mean now.

I'm meeting potentials in my living room.

- Anyone good? - Ah... One wanted a maid.

And the other, an Imam, so...

No.

- Do you want to get married?

- I'm not the one you need to impress.

- I can be quite impressive.

- Nice tie.

- Oh, yeah.

I was inspired by The Beatles.

I do hope Mariam made it.

- I hear you're a doctor.

- You're in Edinburgh?

I've heard Edinburgh Castle is quite a sight.

- Absolutely, Uncle.

It's built on top of a dormant volcano.

- I'd love to visit.

Although, we have plenty of volcanoes around here.

- Um, kindly remind me, you two met through...?

- Rani. - My cousin, Rani.

- Rani?

- Actually--

- Oh, nice, good.

- Hello? - Ammi?

- "Aradhana."

I love Sharmila Tagore. - Mm-hmm.

- Ammi... - Hmm?

- Auntie, Mariam.

- New York?!

- Mariam...

- Why can't I just do what I want?

They up and left their homes.

- Well, that was different. - Yes, it is different.

We're in 1969, yeah?

I should be able to do whatever I want.

- I'm not the one you have to convince.

- Three, two, one...

- I'm sorry...

- Why did I even come here if I can't be with him?

- You are here with him.

It's just the way things are done.

- Here...

- Maybe...

Maybe things are a little fucked up everywhere.

How was it?

- I don't know. - No, no, no. Tell me about it.

What did you guys do? How did it feel like?

- Azra, shut the fuck up.

What's wrong with you?

- I want to go.

- These are the rules.

- The rules are meant to be broken.

- I don't care what people think.

Wouldn't you want to go? - Leave it.

- What the hell? This is archaic.

- Azra, Azr--

- When do I start? Oh, now?

- Thank you very much.

That was my daughter, Azra Malik,

performing a traditional Pakistani rhyme

in the Urdu language.

"Choo Choo."

Thank you for watching, "Visions of Pakistan."

- Ow.

- Dr. Malik! - Sir.

- This is the new Indian doctor in town

that I've told you about.

- You must come over for chai.

- We'd love to.

Our daughters are about the same age.

They can play together.

- Bye, Mom. - Be good.

Don't talk to strangers.

- Hey, good morning.

Must be the new student in my class.

Azra!

Yeah, Azra-fan-tazra. Alright.

Um, was that a stranger who dropped you off or...?

- Uh, no, that was my mom. - Your mom, yeah.

I know, I...

Fairly obvious, actually,

I was kidding. 'Cause you guys are...

Anyway. Have a good day at school.

Okay, gang.

Eyes up on me. Close up your books.

It's time for Bible studies.

Thank you, Alicia. You know the drill.

Scoot, scoot, scoot.

Uh, Azra?

- Oh, I leave now?

Yes, sir.

- Alright.

Lift, don't drag.

So, folks, yesterday,

we talked a little bit about Matthew, 21:18.

In which Jesus curses a fig tree.

- I'm Alicia.

- Are you Muslim, too?

- Jehovah's Witness.

- What's that?

- We're like Christians, but different.

- Cool. Us too.

- Cool, how?

- We don't eat pork.

And we don't celebrate Christmas.

- Well, we don't celebrate birthdays

and we can't get blood transfusions.

- Oh.

We think everyone's born a Muslim.

- We don't think that.

- Hello?

- Nova Scotia!

- Huh? - Blueberry.

Blue... Berry, Ma. Blue...

- Mmm!

- Tupperware parties are becoming so popular.

And you know how much I love parties.

- Storage containers like, for modern households

are really chic now.

- Will this be your first job, Mom?

- Yes. But you know,

I shouldn't have to do one, but...

- Trying out for basketball.

- Azra?

- Fine. - What is "fine?"

- Um... we've been reading a lot.

- Oh good. Great. You know.

It takes some time to find your groove.

- You're so lucky to be good at sports.

- Yeah, you should feel lucky. - You shut up.

- Hey! - It gives you a community.

And then, you're not alone.

- Okay, what, she's not alone, Mom.

She has that caterpillar on her upper lip

to keep her company. - Zahid.

- Yeah, yeah.

- "Tupperware freshness, that's our promise."

This is a script.

- What's a script?

- It's like a set of rules you have to follow.

Words you have to memorize to put on a show,

or a play, or a movie.

Ow.

Imagine you're an actress.

You have to channel your inner Sharmila Tagore.

Now, spin it around...

in your hands.

Now, open the lid.

What's inside?

What a satisfying snap. Now, laugh.

With your mouth closed.

Like a brown horse.

- I love this container.

- Tupperware.

Um, I don't think we can eat that.

It's bologna, right? - Mm-hmm.

- It's pork. Pig.

It's haram. Forbidden.

- What a sin.

- Okay.

Just cheese, then?

- Perfect. Cheese is perfect.

- Just cheese.

And bologna.

Enjoy.

- Want a bite?

- No.

- Oh,

I just had a big birthday party last weekend.

- Cool. - When is your birthday?

- In a month.

- Are you going to have a birthday party?

- Why is he singing to her?

- Because he loves her.

- But he just met her?

- You mother fell in love with me when we first met.

- No,

your father fell in love with me first.

Did you really fall in love with Abu

the moment you saw him?

- I did.

It happened for me and it'll happen for you.

Some day, you'll be the queen of some man's dreams

and he'll love you at first sight.

And he'll sing for you.

And you'll get married just like I did.

- Mom, can I have a birthday party?

- Let's talk tomorrow.

The airtight lid system

is unlike any other.

Because of the burp feature.

- Bless her heart. She's still in that awkward phase.

- Hope she outgrows it soon

before she burns the house down.

- Some girls never grow out of it.

You just hope their husbands don't notice.

- You know, the other day,

she dropped one that was filled with Pakistani food

and it didn't even fall out

because of the burp feature.

- Oh, is that where you're from?

- I love Indian food.

- Do you make those curries?

- They're not "curries."

Curry's actually just a generic name

for saucy, stewy things.

Ow.

- I make many curries.

And for every Tupperware set that you buy,

I'll send you home with a free curry.

- Well, I love curry.

- That's a curry in a hurry.

- A flurry of curries!

- This is dumb.

Want to play outside?

- Yeah.

- Look, a rock.

- Whoa, so cool.

- You know, I've made so many curries

and put them in these containers.

Never having to worry about a leak.

I wish we had these back home.

In fact, I've just sent a whole set of these

to my mother in Pakistan.

- Mariam, you're fantastic. And Azra, you're a natural!

- You two make such a great team.

- A dynamic duo.

- Could we have some more chai?

- You've earned yourself a birthday party.

Ooh!

You're too slow.

Get your arms into it. It's good for you.

The ladies said power-walking is the latest thing.

This family needs to get physical.

- Abu!

Hassan?

- Be careful.

- Please don't take him away.

Please don't take him away. Please...

Please don't take him away.

I submit.

I submit.

I submit.

I submit.

- Hello?

Hello? - Uh...

- Hello?

- Hi. It's me.

- Hi, are you okay? - Yeah, it's been, uh...

I don't know.

Well, I bought this calling card so...

- I've been thinking about you non-stop.

You must be so exhausted.

- I didn't do anything.

- What do you mean? You flew there.

You're halfway around the world.

- Yeah.

My, um...

brother got to do all the rituals, like,

washing him and wrapping his body, and...

I was sitting with the women, reading the Quran in a room.

- Wait, you read the Quran?

- Yeah.

Yeah.

And then, the men got to take him to the graveyard.

- Just the men...

Yes,

the men go, we stay.

- That... That's really hard, that really sucks.

- I know.

I know.

So, what's happening there?

- I told our professors about you.

They were asking.

They gave us our audition slots for next week.

Is your mom okay?

- She's fine.

- Azra...

- She's fine.

- Talk to me.

- Yeah, I can't. It's okay, I got to go.

Okay? - Azra?

Azra!

- When you become a famous actress...

- I wish Ammi was as supportive as you.

- She is supportive.

- She hates that I'm an actor.

- Hmm. She doesn't hate it. Well...

maybe just a little.

The Mariam I knew, she would have loved it.

- Azra?

- It's too hard. - It's not hard,

you just have to memorize it.

I wish my mother had taught me.

We can do it together.

- What do we do with it? - You keep him.

It's an early present. Listen,

if you're going to have a birthday party,

you have to have a party sub.

I had a party sub.

- Can I keep it in my room? - What is it?

- A toad.

- They are?

- Look, I didn't make the rules.

Frogs are dirty, okay? - They can't be.

Hmm.

There's going to be a lot of times in your life

where you're going to like things

that other people don't like.

Even your Ammi might not like them, but...

you're going to have to accept the fact

that you're the kind of girl that likes frogs.

Mmm? It's okay.

Still perfect.

- Wayne wants to know if you want to dance the next song?

- What's the next song?

- It doesn't matter, Azra.

Do you think he's cute?

Have you gotten your period yet?

Just remember, you can get pregnant if you have.

- Do you want to dance?

- My mom said she's calling your mom to come get you.

- You danced with Wayne.

- You danced with someone too. - Yes...

Did you like it?

- Azra?!

What are you doing?

- D-Drinking pop.

- Your mother is outside.

- Just use a different container.

- I need the lid for this container!

- I-I'm sure it's here. We just need to keep looking.

I'm sorry, it was an accident.

- "Accident?"

It's all that girl's fault.

She's a witch! - She's not a witch!

It's not her fault!

- Mom...

- Azra.

Azra,

a woman is like jewelry.

There are two kinds of jewelry.

One that is out in the open,

and one that is under the glass.

The one that is out in the open

can be touched,

tried on, and thrown away.

Not the most desirable.

But the one that's under the glass

can't be touched by just anybody.

It's the most precious, the most beautiful.

Azra...

You are supposed to be the jewelry under the glass.

- Isn't it Tupperware time?

- You're not needed today.

- But...

I thought we were a team.

- You're not on my team.

- Your mom dropped this off for you.

- How was your birthday party?

I've never read that before.

- Do you want to?

I'll trade you.

The book for a bite.

- But it's bologna...

- Hotels have bars, right?

- How do they know?

- Your name.

Huh?

- This hat is ridiculous.

- Okay, let's go.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa...

We're not going anywhere, he comes to us.

Chill.

Oy!

- You don't specify what or look at his selection?

There's no menu?

- No, he's a specialist. He has one thing only.

- Are you serious?

- Oh, yeah... Cool.

- You're such an asshole!

What is this?

Vodka, whisky?

- It's kind of like moonshine?

I mean, it might make you blind,

but it's going to help you sleep tonight.

- I could use some sleep tonight.

- Mm-hmm.

- Oh, the moon!

- Right, wow. - Ooh!

- That's my song! - Oh, yeah?

- That's my song!

She knows it! - Hey, hey!

- Nani...

- Nova Scotia? - "Nova Kosha", "Kosha Nova."

- Mom? Mom?

- Hi, Abu.

If heaven is at the mother's feet,

what's at the father's?

- Stinky socks.

- Mom,

Naani told me something I have to tell you.