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1
00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:04,080
[Light military band music]
2
00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:26,240
Yes, Mr. Brittas.
3
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,600
[Audience laughing]
4
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:29,800
Of course, Mr. Brittas.
5
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,080
No, we won't forget.
6
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,560
It's in the diary
for next Tuesday.
7
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:35,680
Yes, I do look at
my diary, Mr. Brittas.
8
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:36,680
[Audience laughing]
9
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,720
Goodbye, Mr. Brittas.
10
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:44,920
[Ambient seaside music]
11
00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:50,720
[Door knocking]
12
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,120
Mr. Brittas?
13
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,040
Um, Mr. Brittas?
14
00:00:58,640 --> 00:00:59,720
[Audience laughing]
15
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:01,000
Mr. Brittas.
16
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:05,760
You wanted to
see me, Mr. Brittas?
17
00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:09,240
Isn't that a beautiful
sound, Gavin?
18
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:13,000
Yes, sounds like
seagulls, Mr. Brittas.
19
00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,520
No, not seagulls, Gavin.
20
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,400
Now, why did I call you up here?
21
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:18,640
Yes, I want everyone
22
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,920
in the staff restroom
right away, please.
23
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:22,640
Yes, Mr. Brittas.
24
00:01:24,320 --> 00:01:27,200
[Audience laughing]
25
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:29,360
Canapes, Ben.
26
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:30,797
Come on, darling,
they're your favourite.
27
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,360
Smoked salmon, beluga caviar.
28
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:33,160
[Audience laughing]
29
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:34,400
Well, please yourself.
30
00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:36,240
Carole, what's up
with Mr. Brittas?
31
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:37,800
He's acting very strangely.
32
00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:39,000
Oh, I know.
33
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,517
Ever since he's come
back from his tour,
34
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,960
he's had a sort of somewhat
distant and, dare I say it,
35
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:44,880
poetic look about him.
36
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:45,720
Satay stick?
37
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:46,840
Oh, no, thank you, no.
38
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:47,800
I don't get it.
39
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,280
He's up in his office now,
40
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,080
listening to sounds of the sea.
41
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,437
Carole, how are the staff
enjoying my canapes?
42
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:53,600
Oh, wonderful, Tim.
43
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:55,080
I'm enjoying...
44
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,600
Everyone's enjoying
every mouthful.
45
00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:58,957
If I could make one
tiny little suggestion.
46
00:01:59,040 --> 00:01:59,720
Go on.
47
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:00,920
The prawn parcels.
48
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:03,720
Just a teeny weeny
bit too much coriander.
49
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:04,720
You're right.
50
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:05,960
Oh, by the way, Carole,
51
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:07,240
has my case turned up yet?
52
00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,560
Yes, it came this morning.
53
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,480
Excellent, puligny-montrachet,
54
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,480
25 quid a bottle this stuff.
55
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,557
That's a bit steep for a
staff canteen, isn't it, Tim?
56
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,000
Look, as long as I'm in charge,
57
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,677
I want the people to
have the best on offer.
58
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:19,640
[Timer beeping]
59
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:21,280
Oh no, my coq au vin.
60
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:22,677
Tim, there's a staff
meeting in five minutes.
61
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:23,757
Yeah, yeah, bye bye.
62
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:24,560
Sure?
63
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:25,920
They're very good.
64
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,520
Now, as you know, last
week I was sent by Brussels
65
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:32,200
on a fact-finding tour of
European leisure centres.
66
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,880
And since I've come back,
some of you have noticed
67
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,200
that I've been rather
dreamy and aloof.
68
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:38,680
Yes, Mr. Brittas.
69
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:39,757
Is everything all right?
70
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:41,200
Yes, fine thanks, Linda.
71
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,400
But as your manager,
I think it's only fair
72
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:47,160
that I should explain why I
have been behaving this way.
73
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:48,280
It was while we were in-
74
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:50,120
I'm so sorry I'm
late, Mr. Brittas.
75
00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,120
[Audience laughing]
76
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,320
We have osmosis in
the downstairs toilets.
77
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,040
[Audience laughing]
78
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,880
Just sit down please, Colin.
79
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,120
Murky, yet at the same time,
80
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,360
a teasingly transparent
lake is welling up
81
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:02,720
out of one of the bowls.
82
00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:04,040
Thank you, Colin.
83
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:05,000
I've tried flushing it
84
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,677
but it only seems to
make matters worse.
85
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:07,600
[Audience laughing]
86
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,000
Sit down please, Colin.
87
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,120
Now to cut a long story short,
88
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:13,757
it was on the
Norwegian leg of our tour
89
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,480
that it all happened.
90
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:16,960
What happened?
91
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:19,480
[Audience laughing]
92
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,400
I fell in love.
93
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:22,320
In love?
94
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:26,240
With Ingrid, the most divine
creature you've ever seen.
95
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:27,760
Does Mrs. Brittas
know about this?
96
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,000
Oh, yes.
97
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:30,960
Mrs. Brittas is in
love with her too.
98
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,200
[Audience laughing]
99
00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:33,200
Don't you think the
three of you should try
100
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:34,397
and sort this out in
private, Mr. Brittas.
101
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:37,160
No, Timothy,
you're all part of it.
102
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:38,237
[All scoffing]
103
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:40,960
Allow me to show you
a photograph of Ingrid.
104
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,517
Mr. Brittas, I don't
think that's appropriate.
105
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:43,800
[Julie sighing]
106
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,680
It's a dolphin.
107
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,480
That's right, Gavin.
108
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,080
The sounds in my office
109
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that you thought were seagulls
were in actual fact sounds
110
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,040
of one of these
beautiful creatures.
111
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:54,920
Are you trying to
tell us you're in love
112
00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,280
with a dolphin, Mr. Brittas?
113
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:57,800
That's right, Tim, yes.
114
00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:58,877
It will be sheep next.
115
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,560
[Audience laughing]
116
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,000
You see, it was while we were
117
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,840
at the [speaking foreign
language] in Oslo-
118
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,040
you what?
119
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:09,320
That's Norwegian for
"leisure centre", Julie.
120
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:10,520
[Audience laughing]
121
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,240
Mrs. Brittas and I were
invited to swim with Ingrid.
122
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,280
Now, at first I was sceptical,
123
00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,640
never having bathed
with a mammal before,
124
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,920
but after two laps with Ingrid,
125
00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,120
I was filled with the
most extraordinary sense
126
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:26,800
of wellbeing and love for
my fellow human beings.
127
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,000
What was the dolphin doing
128
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:29,477
in the leisure
centre, Mr. Brittas?
129
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:30,797
An intelligent question, Linda,
130
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:33,200
and indeed one that I asked.
131
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,840
Apparently it's part of their
occupational therapy programme.
132
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:41,800
The fact is that these
creatures have the power to heal.
133
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,517
Aren't you thinking of
hamsters, Mr. Brittas?
134
00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,160
[Audience laughing]
135
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:46,960
No, Timothy, I'm not.
136
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,640
I'm here to tell you that Mrs.
Brittas was on a heavy course
137
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:50,440
of antibiotics at the time-
138
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,680
are you sure they
were antibiotics?
139
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:53,960
What do you mean?
140
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,757
Well, only the last time
she was on antibiotics,
141
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,077
she was convinced I
was the first movement
142
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,920
of mendelssohn's
violin concerto.
143
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,120
[Audience laughing]
144
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,640
She happened to be
allergic to penicillin.
145
00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:05,440
Mrs. Brittas, after a
couple of laps with Ingrid,
146
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:07,120
needed the pills no longer.
147
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,600
She was completely cured.
148
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:13,600
And with my own eyes, I
saw a little disabled child,
149
00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,880
all sad and forlorn.
150
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,197
After a couple of
laps with Ingrid,
151
00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:20,520
she sprang out of the
pool with a new look
152
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,480
of brightness upon her face.
153
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,560
That is so beautiful.
154
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,680
[Audience laughing]
155
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,240
It is indeed, Colin.
156
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,360
And that is why next Tuesday
is gonna be dolphin day
157
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,680
at whitbury-newtown
leisure centre.
158
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,477
You mean we're gonna
have a dolphin in the pool?
159
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:36,600
That's right, Gavin.
160
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,240
I've ordered it already.
161
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:40,480
I believe the people of
whitbury should benefit
162
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,437
from swimming with one
of these lovely creatures.
163
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,560
I think that is a magnificent
gesture, Mr. Brittas.
164
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:46,560
Thank you, Colin.
165
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,237
The pool will of course
have to be drained
166
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:49,840
and filled with seawater.
167
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,077
I've already made arrangements-
168
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,960
I'm sorry, Mr. Brittas,
I must protest.
169
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,077
I really don't think we should
promote keeping animals
170
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,440
in captivity, especially
when they're being used
171
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,960
for sordid public entertainment.
172
00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:01,760
Linda, I hardly call
a day of healing,
173
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,880
"sordid public entertainment".
174
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,000
Healing?
175
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,080
Poppycock, it's a
day of cheap thrills.
176
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Right, whoa, far be it
from me to ignore a protest
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00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:14,077
from one of my staff members.
178
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:15,680
We shall put it to
the vote, shall we?
179
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:19,960
All those in favour of
dolphin day, raise their hands.
180
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:22,640
All those against
dolphin day raise theirs.
181
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,480
Right, yes, you're
outnumbered, Linda.
182
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:25,557
[Mr. Brittas cackling]
183
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,720
[Audience laughing]
184
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:30,760
Finally, before we
get back to work,
185
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,840
Mrs. Normanton is on holiday.
186
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,920
Timothy has kindly volunteered
187
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,277
to take over the running
of the staff canteen.
188
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:37,080
I'd like to wish him luck.
189
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:37,880
Actually, I've
been going a week,
190
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,280
not that anybody's noticed.
191
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:40,797
Well, perhaps more
people would turn up
192
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,040
if you dropped your prices.
193
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,040
[All] Yeah.
194
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:45,640
Just a minute, I do a
17 pounds set menu,
195
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,280
which I think is
very reasonable.
196
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,360
And that includes a
half carafe of wine.
197
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,120
I always bring butties myself.
198
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:51,920
[Audience laughing]
199
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:53,360
Well, right, anyway,
200
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,277
perhaps Tim you could do
something nice for dolphin day.
201
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:56,877
I'm rather partial to
Shepherd's pie myself.
202
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,160
Told you it'd be sheep next.
203
00:06:58,280 --> 00:06:59,960
[Audience laughing]
204
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:00,800
Well I'll do my
best, Mr. Brittas,
205
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,680
but it won't be Shepherd's pie.
206
00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:07,960
Morning, Carole.
207
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,440
[Carole mumbling]
208
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:11,560
What?
209
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:13,837
Welcome to whitbury-newtown
leisure centre, Mr. Brittas.
210
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:14,917
How can I help you?
211
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,520
Has that brine
delivery arrived yet?
212
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:17,480
Yes, Mr. Brittas,
213
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,157
they're pumping it
through the back door.
214
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:20,240
Excellent.
215
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,117
You've got green
bits in your teeth.
216
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:23,880
Oh, sorry.
217
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,880
Mr. Brittas, as you're here,
218
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:26,997
I'd like to show
you something I did
219
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,920
in my art evening class
especially for today.
220
00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:30,997
[Audience laughing]
221
00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,720
Very nice, Carole.
222
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:34,200
Particularly like the submarine.
223
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:35,120
Thank you...
224
00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,557
It's not a submarine,
Mr. Brittas.
225
00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,200
It's a dolphin.
226
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:39,277
Mr. Brittas?
227
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,240
I am rather busy at
the moment, penny.
228
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,277
No, I found this girl
wandering around the building.
229
00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,680
She says she's from
whitbury comprehensive.
230
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,000
Completely slipped my mind.
231
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,840
You're here to see how a
leisure centre works, aren't you?
232
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:51,800
What's your name?
233
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,160
Rosemary rawlinson.
234
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:54,320
Rosemary what?
235
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:56,040
Rosemary rawlinson.
236
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,040
She's rather shy.
237
00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:00,237
Right, well if you're gonna
be with us for two weeks,
238
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:01,837
I'm afraid you're gonna
have to learn to speak up,
239
00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:02,760
aren't you, Rosemary?
240
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:03,680
Yes.
241
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:06,640
Yes, Mr. Brittas.
242
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:07,560
[Audience laughing]
243
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:08,560
Bit of a stickler for
formality, penny,
244
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,317
particularly when it
comes to young people.
245
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:11,597
I'm so sorry to
interrupt, Mr. Brittas.
246
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:13,200
Just to say I've managed
247
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,120
to unblock the
left-hand cubicle but-
248
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:16,040
thank you, Colin.
249
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,040
About time after four days.
250
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,040
Rosemary, this is
Mr. Colin weatherby,
251
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,080
one of my deputy managers.
252
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,160
Colin, this is
Rosemary rawlinson
253
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,360
who's with us on a
fortnight's work placement.
254
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,520
How do you do, Rosemary?
255
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,200
[Audience laughing]
256
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:32,200
Colin, I'd like you to look
after Rosemary for me.
257
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:33,360
Me, Mr. Brittas?
258
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,920
I'll treat her like
my own daughter.
259
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,200
[Audience laughing]
260
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:39,240
Colin, be a bit sensitive,
261
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:40,837
she's got a hideous
speech impediment.
262
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,920
[Audience laughing]
263
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,680
Right, I've got a brine
delivery to see to.
264
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,040
Carole, no eating
on duty, please.
265
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:51,280
[Audience laughing]
266
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,557
Julie, can you do us a favour?
267
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:53,520
No.
268
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:54,640
Oh, please, Julie.
269
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:55,280
It's just a tiny little
thing I want you to do.
270
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,280
No.
271
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:57,240
Now here's your menus.
272
00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:58,357
Oh, thanks, Julie.
273
00:08:58,440 --> 00:08:59,637
Look, if you could just
call the fishmongers.
274
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:00,760
I've gotta shoot off
275
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,437
to the vegetable
market before it closes.
276
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:03,600
It'll cost ya.
277
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,477
Well I've already given
you 50 quid for typing these.
278
00:09:05,560 --> 00:09:06,600
Suit yourself.
279
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:07,677
Well, thank you very much.
280
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:08,717
Just when you need a
friend to help you out.
281
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,000
Oh, all right.
282
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:11,357
I'm too soft, that's my trouble.
283
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,000
Oh, you're a sport, Julie.
284
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,440
Look, I've ordered 10 pounds
of shark steaks for lunchtime.
285
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:16,837
If you could just call
to confirm the delivery.
286
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:17,600
There's the number.
287
00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:18,600
Shark?
288
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:19,717
Well, it's dolphin day.
289
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,517
So I thought we'd do a
special seafood menu.
290
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:22,280
[Audience laughing]
291
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,397
It's a lobster bisque,
292
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,077
followed by fillet De
requin a la bordelaise.
293
00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,160
You what?
294
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,077
Well, it's a little recipe I
picked up in Bordeaux.
295
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,520
Shark marinated in white
wine and oregano, it's delicious.
296
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,637
Oh, Julie, you've missed
off the circumflex accent.
297
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:34,600
Have I?
298
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:35,440
Yes, it's the little hat
299
00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:36,400
that goes over
the "a" in "gateau"
300
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,640
and it's "a la carte",
not "a la crate".
301
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:39,997
Gotta go, or else I'll
miss my aubergines.
302
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,120
Don't forget the
fishmonger, okay?
303
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:50,440
This must be it.
304
00:09:50,560 --> 00:09:52,760
[Phone ringing]
305
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,480
[Audience laughing]
306
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,240
Hello, marine park aquarium.
307
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:58,277
Oh, hello, it's whitbury-newtown
leisure centre here.
308
00:09:58,360 --> 00:09:59,960
Look, you have
to speak up, love,
309
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:01,200
I can't hear ya.
310
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:03,480
I said it's whitbury-newtown
leisure centre.
311
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,280
[Marine park man] Oh, yeah.
312
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,160
I'd like to confirm our order.
313
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:08,000
[Marine park man] What?
314
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,000
What's that noise?
315
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:10,640
Penguins.
316
00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:11,800
Is that the fishmongers?
317
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:13,120
[Marine park man yelping]
318
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:13,920
Flippers.
319
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:14,720
[Julie] What?
320
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:15,680
What was that about fish?
321
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:17,720
I'd like to order some shark.
322
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:18,880
[Audience laughing]
323
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,197
Sharks, so you've
changed your mind then?
324
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:20,960
[Julie] What?
325
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:21,840
You don't want the dolph-
326
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,720
[audience laughing]
327
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,200
[Julie] Hello, are you there?
328
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,440
Hello?
329
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:29,720
So you want a shark then?
330
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,400
Yeah, yeah, about 10 pounds.
331
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,520
Smallest we do is 15 stone.
332
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,280
Baby tiger shark.
333
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:37,400
15 stone.
334
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:39,760
I suppose he could
always freeze it.
335
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:40,560
[Audience laughing]
336
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:41,560
Shut up.
337
00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:42,360
[Julie] What?
338
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:43,120
Not you, them.
339
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:44,197
They never stop.
340
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:46,520
Oh, well, just get it to
us by lunchtime, okay?
341
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:47,760
Bye.
342
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:48,680
[Audience laughing]
343
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:49,797
What's wrong with COD?
344
00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:50,880
[Audience laughing]
345
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,400
As far as I can
make out, Rosemary,
346
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:56,320
this appears to be the cubicle
that's causing the problem.
347
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,600
Oh dear, it's got worse.
348
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,920
Still, in a strange sort of way,
349
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:03,320
there's something
quite beautiful about it.
350
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:04,280
[Audience laughing]
351
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:05,640
I think I'm going to be sick.
352
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,240
[Audience laughing]
353
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:08,360
Will you please be quiet.
354
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,400
My children are trying to sleep.
355
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:11,240
Morning, Carole.
356
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:12,040
Has it arrived yet?
357
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:12,840
Oh, welcome, Mrs. Brittas.
358
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:13,640
Has what arrived?
359
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:14,757
The dolphin, of course.
360
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,400
I think it's due
around lunchtime.
361
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:17,640
Lunchtime?
362
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,160
I was sure Gordon
said this morning.
363
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:20,877
Oh, well, I'll have to have
a sauna or something.
364
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,640
[Chicken clucking]
365
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:23,840
[Audience laughing]
366
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,240
Carole, are those chickens?
367
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,400
I'm afraid they
are, Mrs. Brittas.
368
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,600
Your chickens?
369
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:29,440
They were supposed
to have been delivered
370
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:30,600
by the back door.
371
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,280
Good morning, my darling.
372
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,397
Hello, Gordon.
373
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,520
We could do without the
farm yard impressions,
374
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:37,440
thank you, Carole.
375
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:38,240
[Audience laughing]
376
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,480
Yes, Mr. Brittas.
377
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:40,717
Anxious to be first in the
queue for a dip with Wally?
378
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:41,480
Who?
379
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:42,480
Wally the dolphin.
380
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:43,280
Oh, yes, yes.
381
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,720
[Chicken clucking]
382
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:46,797
Carole, are you laying an egg?
383
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:47,837
No, Mr. Brittas.
384
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,320
They're Tim's chickens.
385
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,637
Can I have a word,
please, Mr. Brittas?
386
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:54,360
I am rather busy at
the moment, Linda.
387
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,600
Mr. Brittas, I implore you
to call off this dolphin thing.
388
00:11:57,720 --> 00:11:58,837
We've been through this, Linda.
389
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:00,077
If you still wish to complain,
390
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,360
there's a formal procedure.
391
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:02,437
Which is?
392
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:04,800
Put it in writing in
triplicate, copy to me,
393
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,037
copy to head office, and
one for yourself for reference.
394
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,480
But that could take weeks.
395
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:09,760
The dolphin is coming today.
396
00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:11,480
Well, too bad, Linda.
397
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,320
Linda, twice around
the pool with Wally
398
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:14,760
and you'll feel
like a new woman.
399
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:15,760
But-
400
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:16,560
[chickens clucking]
401
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:17,560
What's this?
402
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:19,120
Poor caged things.
403
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:20,520
Apparently they're Tim's.
404
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:21,637
[Tim] Carole?
405
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,040
Uh, Tim, just the man.
406
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,600
What are these
doing in reception?
407
00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:25,920
Tortilla, Mr. Brittas.
408
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,240
What?
409
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:28,200
Spanish omelette, my
alternative menu for today.
410
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:29,720
You see, I must have fresh eggs.
411
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,120
[Audience laughing]
412
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,120
[Helen] Such smooth, silky skin.
413
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,200
And eyes that just
melt your heart.
414
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:37,277
I've lost track.
415
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,077
Is that the barman or
the aerobics instructor?
416
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,200
No, Ingrid, the dolphin.
417
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:45,040
We just kept going
round and round the pool.
418
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,400
And then I started
getting these sensations.
419
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:49,800
What sensations?
420
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,560
Waves of energy going
up and down my body.
421
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:54,000
It was just amazing.
422
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,720
Sounds pretty dubious to me.
423
00:12:55,840 --> 00:13:00,760
No, no, it was a wonderful,
spiritual experience, I think.
424
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:01,840
[Audience laughing]
425
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,320
Only trouble is,
426
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,680
I just can't seem to look at
Gordon the same way anymore.
427
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:06,480
[Audience laughing]
428
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:07,880
What do you mean?
429
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,240
Well, it's just that every
time we come to, you know,
430
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:13,080
I keep fantasising he's
got a beak and a dorsal fin.
431
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,440
[Audience laughing]
432
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:16,880
Come on, form a queue.
433
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:17,720
[Carole] Canape for anyone?
434
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,080
That's it, form a queue.
435
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,080
Right, quieten down,
please, everyone.
436
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,880
Quieten down,
ladies and gentlemen.
437
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,040
I said quiet.
438
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,240
Right, now, my name
is Gordon brittas,
439
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,520
and I'd like to welcome
you to this special day,
440
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,640
a day of healing and Harmony
441
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:35,920
where hopefully everyone
will get a chance to swim
442
00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:37,840
with this divine creature.
443
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,120
You know, we swam
with the dolphins in Ireland.
444
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,720
Was the most wonderful
experience I ever had.
445
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,760
Would you go to the
back of the queue, please?
446
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,520
[Audience laughing]
447
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,400
I did say stop talking.
448
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,880
Come on, off you
go, back of the queue.
449
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,280
The dolphin will be here in
due course, ladies and gents,
450
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,400
all right?
451
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,440
Yes, Julie, but are you
sure you ordered them?
452
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,400
Yes, thank you, fine.
453
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,840
Ten pounds of new potatoes,
eight pounds of courgettes.
454
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,600
I couldn't get organically
grown, and no,
455
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,000
I'm not going out again.
456
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:08,157
Well, the shark steaks
haven't turned up
457
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,960
so it's sauteed trout again.
458
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,520
Get me two pounds of
fresh shiitake mushrooms.
459
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,840
Not again.
460
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,237
I'm supposed to be
helping brittas in reception.
461
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,160
Fine, I'll go myself.
462
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,560
Nobody's helping me, but
nevermind, it's only Tim.
463
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,480
[Audience laughing]
464
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:23,240
What mushrooms?
465
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:25,440
Shiitake.
466
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,557
No, Carole.
467
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:28,280
Please, Mr. Brittas.
468
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:29,800
Ben's been so looking forward
469
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:31,560
to swimming with
the dolphin all week.
470
00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:34,520
Carole, I cannot let Ben
anywhere near the general public.
471
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,000
Not with his record.
472
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,560
But he's calmed
down now, Mr. Brittas.
473
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:41,560
Carole, I hardly call dangling
his montessori teacher
474
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,320
out of a second-floor
window calming down.
475
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:44,280
[Audience laughing]
476
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,240
Haven't missed
anything have I, Gordon?
477
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:46,080
Missed what, my sweet?
478
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,800
The dolphin, you fool.
479
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,840
No, doesn't get
here 'til twelve thirty.
480
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:50,917
Anytime now.
481
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:52,280
Is this the front of the queue?
482
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:53,720
Uh, yes it is, my darling.
483
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:55,717
If you'd like to go to the
back of the queue, please.
484
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:56,880
[Audience laughing]
485
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,597
I'm not going to the back
of the queue, I'm your wife.
486
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,120
Wife or no wife, Helen,
487
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:01,837
you've gotta wait your turn
like everyone else, please.
488
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,400
What is the point of being
married to the manager
489
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,760
if you can't even
jump a flipping queue?
490
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:09,440
I'm from the marine park.
491
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:10,920
Are you indeed?
492
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,880
Well, you're one minute late.
493
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:17,000
Gavin, take this man and his
Van round the back, please.
494
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,477
Oh, Mr. Brittas, I
was just going to-
495
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,360
take him round the back, please.
496
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,120
Yes, of course, Mr. Brittas.
497
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:23,280
[Audience laughing]
498
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,440
Right, everyone, the
good news is that Wally's
499
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:27,557
on the premises.
500
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:28,680
[Audience laughing]
501
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:29,837
I've never seen one
in the flesh before.
502
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,240
I'm told they're
really friendly.
503
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:32,560
Friendly?
504
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:33,560
[Audience laughing]
505
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:34,677
Well, aren't they?
506
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:36,517
That's not the first word
that Springs to mind.
507
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:40,120
They do get a lot of bad
press though, it has to be said.
508
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,240
I blame Steven Spielberg.
509
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:43,357
Yes.
510
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:44,677
Do you mind if
I leave you to it?
511
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:45,837
Only, I promised
our catering manager
512
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,280
I'd get him some shiitake.
513
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:49,120
Eh?
514
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:49,920
[Audience laughing]
515
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,600
Mushrooms.
516
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:52,797
[Carole] Staff announcement.
517
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,597
Will Linda Perkins please
lead the way to reception?
518
00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:55,480
Oh, excuse me, it's just...
519
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,360
Make her way to
reception, thank you.
520
00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:58,520
[Audience laughing]
521
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,557
She's supposed to have
been here half an hour ago.
522
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,080
I could page her
again, Mr. Brittas.
523
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,880
Not much point, Carole.
524
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,440
Where is that girl?
525
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:06,400
Give us an "s".
526
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:07,400
[All] S.
527
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:08,240
Give us an "a".
528
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:09,040
[All] A.
529
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:09,800
Give us a "d".
530
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:10,600
[All] D.
531
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:11,400
Give us an "I".
532
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:12,400
[All] I.
533
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:13,200
Give us an "s".
534
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:14,040
[All] S.
535
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:14,800
And give us a "t".
536
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:15,600
[All] T.
537
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:16,400
What does that spell?
538
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:17,477
[All] Sadist.
539
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:18,680
[Linda yelling]
540
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,840
[Audience laughing]
541
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:23,797
Gavin, where's Linda?
542
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:25,120
She's outside, Mr. Brittas.
543
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:26,437
Well, tell her to
come in here, please.
544
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,680
We're understaffed as it is.
545
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,080
She's leading a
demonstration, Mr. Brittas.
546
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:30,920
What?
547
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,197
I think you'd
better get out there
548
00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:34,000
a demonstration?
549
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:37,597
[Protesters] Sadist, sadist.
550
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:38,720
I'm warning you, Linda.
551
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:40,880
This could have serious
implications for your job.
552
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,320
I'm sorry, Mr. Brittas,
553
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,320
but unless you hand
over the dolphin to us,
554
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,080
we'll be forced to
take further action.
555
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:48,360
Are you threatening me?
556
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,840
I'm afraid I am, Mr. Brittas.
557
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,597
All set, Mr. Brittas, we'll
pick him up this afternoon.
558
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:53,360
Right, thank you.
559
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,920
Murderer.
560
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:55,920
[Audience laughing]
561
00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:57,197
Let's get out of here, Charlie.
562
00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,920
[Protesters] Sadist,
sadist, sadist.
563
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,320
Right, I want you lot
off council property
564
00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,800
by the time I get back
or I'm calling the police.
565
00:17:05,920 --> 00:17:08,200
I'll deal with you later, Linda.
566
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,520
Right, everyone,
this way, please.
567
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,320
Mr. Brittas, what's
got in to Linda?
568
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,040
Nevermind Linda, Gavin.
569
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:15,597
It's important that
you and I stay focused
570
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,000
so that people
can enjoy the day.
571
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,080
Right, into the pool,
please, madam.
572
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:21,437
Into the pool,
please, young man.
573
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:22,640
There we go.
574
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,237
Are you sure you know
what to do, Mr. Brittas?
575
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:26,920
Yes, Gavin, they explained
everything in Norway.
576
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,800
It's quite simple really.
577
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:31,840
Right, if the rest
of you would like
578
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,120
to remain over
by this small pool.
579
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:37,200
Now, when the dolphin
comes up to you,
580
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,720
give him a little
pat on the nose.
581
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,520
They're very gentle creatures
582
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,400
so there's nothing
to be afraid of.
583
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,200
And when he takes you
around the pool, just relax.
584
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,000
Mr. Brittas?
585
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,117
Let's get going,
Gavin, shall we?
586
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,717
Mr. Brittas, are you
sure that's a dolphin?
587
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:50,520
[Audience laughing]
588
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:51,840
What?
589
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,120
Only I thought dolphins
looked sort of different.
590
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,600
[Audience laughing]
591
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:58,400
It looks like a...
592
00:17:58,520 --> 00:17:59,520
It's a shark.
593
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:00,960
It's a shark, shark.
594
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,720
[All screaming]
595
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:05,680
[Mr. Brittas] Out of the pool
596
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,680
in a nice, orderly
fashion, please.
597
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:10,960
[All screaming]
598
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:14,120
[Audience laughing]
599
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:19,837
Nothing like the sound of
people enjoying themselves.
600
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,600
[Audience laughing]
601
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,200
Pass the bucket.
602
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,920
This should do the trick.
603
00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,200
It's a mixture of battery
acid, guava leaves,
604
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,040
and Bulgarian cooking Brandy.
605
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,720
[Audience groaning]
606
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,200
Ah, yes, that's the one.
607
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:40,757
Now, a quick test
and I'll tell Mr. Brittas
608
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,000
that the toilets
are back in action.
609
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:44,680
[Water gushing]
610
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,760
[Audience laughing]
611
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:49,080
You stay there, Rosemary.
612
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:52,800
I'll turn the tap off
at the mains, okay?
613
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:54,600
[All complaining]
614
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,280
Ladies and gentlemen,
615
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,360
if you would like to
see my receptionist,
616
00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,520
she will provide
you with a refund.
617
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,800
And some canapes, Mr. Brittas.
618
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:03,760
We could have been killed.
619
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:05,960
I do apologise about that, sir.
620
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,320
You can apologise
to my solicitors.
621
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,080
Gavin, what I want to know
is how the shark got in there
622
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:11,920
in the first place.
623
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:13,237
You saw them put it in the pool.
624
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,040
Yes, well actually, Mr. Brittas-
625
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,280
and another thing, what
am I supposed to do,
626
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,357
tie a knot in it?
627
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,520
What?
628
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,040
The bloody toilets
are out of order again.
629
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:22,880
Eh?
630
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,277
They're supposed
to have been fixed.
631
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:25,400
Gavin, you're in charge.
632
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:26,400
Talk to him.
633
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:27,320
Excuse me.
634
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:28,280
Canape?
635
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,120
[Audience laughing]
636
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:31,237
Come on, Gavin.
637
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:33,520
I asked you to buy the
mushrooms, not pick them.
638
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,200
The trout will be ruined now.
639
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:36,200
[Audience laughing]
640
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:37,440
Chicken.
641
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:38,557
Chicken tikka.
642
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,680
[Audience groaning]
643
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:44,640
Linda?
644
00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:45,400
What are you doing?
645
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:46,200
Setting them free.
646
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:47,000
Well don't.
647
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:47,920
Hold him.
648
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:48,720
[Audience laughing]
649
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:49,680
Get off me.
650
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,280
Sorry about this, Tim.
651
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,240
[Audience laughing]
652
00:19:57,360 --> 00:20:00,200
[Audience laughing]
653
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,000
[Audience laughing]
654
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:15,960
Just in time.
655
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:17,720
[Water splashing]
656
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,320
[Chicken shrieking]
657
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:20,200
[Audience laughing]
658
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,640
Colin, I want a word-
659
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,600
[audience laughing]
660
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,360
Rosemary, what's going on here?
661
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:28,437
Where's Mr. Weatherby?
662
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,320
Mr. Brittas, you
better come quick.
663
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:31,160
Not now, Gavin.
664
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:32,477
I'm dealing with an emergency.
665
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,037
Well, there's a bit of an
emergency outside, Mr. Brittas.
666
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:35,077
They've got Tim.
667
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:36,160
Who's got Tim?
668
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,360
Linda and her lot.
669
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,200
Rosemary, you
look a dreadful sight.
670
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:41,557
I want you washed
and cleaned up.
671
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,040
Yes, Mr. Brittas.
672
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,000
[Audience laughing]
673
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,280
Hand him over, Linda.
674
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:53,920
Will someone please
get me out of here?
675
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,320
[Audience laughing]
676
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,317
I'm sorry, Tim, it wasn't
my idea to put you in there.
677
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,840
We'll give you Tim if you
give us the dolphin, Mr. Brittas.
678
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,160
I will not be
blackmailed, Linda.
679
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:04,837
Anyway, it's not a
dolphin, it's a shark.
680
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,200
[Audience laughing]
681
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,080
Makes no difference to us.
682
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,677
It's still a poor creature
that wants to be set free.
683
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:10,880
Help.
684
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,760
I'm warning you, Linda.
685
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,840
Either you let Tim go
or I'm calling the police.
686
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,840
Help, help, oh
please let me out.
687
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:24,080
[Audience laughing]
688
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:29,200
And they won't release him
689
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,760
'til we give them
back the shark.
690
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,720
Yes, constable, I did say shark.
691
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,480
Gordon brittas.
692
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:37,800
[Phone buzzing]
693
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,200
[Audience laughing]
694
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:40,520
Hello, hello?
695
00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,040
Julie, get the police station
696
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,440
on the phone again
for me, please.
697
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:47,560
I'm busy.
698
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,520
Two quid for a
glass of fizzy water?
699
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:51,400
[Audience laughing]
700
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:52,757
I'm sorry to disturb
you, Mr. Brittas,
701
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,280
but have you seen Rosemary?
702
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,360
I am rather busy at
the moment, Colin.
703
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:58,640
And those toilets
are in a proper state.
704
00:21:58,760 --> 00:21:59,917
I thought you said
they'd been fixed?
705
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,480
Good news on that front.
706
00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:02,837
When I was
turning the water off,
707
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,200
I discovered that what seemed
to be a simple blockage was
708
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,840
in fact a problem with
the pressure differential,
709
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,480
caused by this.
710
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:11,320
[Audience laughing]
711
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:12,397
A lobster?
712
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:13,997
It must have escaped
from the staff canteen.
713
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:15,560
I found it nesting
in the water tank,
714
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:17,320
just above the outflow pipe.
715
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,360
Mr. Brittas, have you
seen Rosemary at all?
716
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:21,960
I told her to go
and wash herself.
717
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,197
Ah, she couldn't
do that, you see,
718
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,320
there's no water supply.
719
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:25,520
I turned it off.
720
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:26,880
Except in the pool, of course.
721
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:27,957
And she wouldn't
have gone in there
722
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,637
because all those lucky
people are swimming
723
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:30,677
with that dolphin.
724
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:33,680
[Audience laughing]
725
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:34,960
My god.
726
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:36,237
What's the matter, Mr. Brittas?
727
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:37,437
Come with me, Colin,
I'll tell you on the way.
728
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,040
[Audience laughing]
729
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:40,600
Hello, Wally.
730
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:44,240
Right, few times
round, nice and gently.
731
00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:48,560
[Audience laughing]
732
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:50,320
Rosemary?
733
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:51,960
Helen, what are you doing?
734
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,000
What do you mean?
735
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:54,960
[Shark roaring]
736
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,440
[Helen screaming]
737
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,360
[Audience laughing]
738
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,520
Are you all right, my darling?
739
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,237
I don't think Rosemary's
all right, Mr. Brittas.
740
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:08,160
[Audience laughing]
741
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,160
She's here.
742
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,720
Oh, Mrs. Rawlinson.
743
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:20,080
Please, take a seat.
744
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:25,040
Thanks for coming at such
short notice, Mrs. Rawlinson.
745
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:28,520
I thought it best to
talk to you in person.
746
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:30,120
It's about Rosemary.
747
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:31,360
What's the matter?
748
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,080
Well...
749
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:34,320
[Audience laughing]
750
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:36,120
She's disappeared.
751
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:38,880
Disappeared?
752
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:40,120
Where?
753
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:43,960
We have searched
everywhere, Mrs. Rawlinson.
754
00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:47,440
There's no easy way
of saying this really.
755
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,080
We can't be sure.
756
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,680
But I'm afraid it looks as if
Rosemary may have been eaten.
757
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,640
[Audience laughing]
758
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,000
What?
759
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:04,240
By a shark.
760
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:06,440
[Audience laughing]
761
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,360
Is this some kind of joke?
762
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:12,080
No, I wish that it
were, Mrs. Rawlinson.
763
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,120
[Woman sobbing]
764
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,360
Are you all right?
765
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,680
Think you'd better come with me.
766
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,040
And a 10 pound refund
for you, sir, thank you.
767
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:44,960
10 pound refund for
you, madam, thank you.
768
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:46,397
10 pound refund for
you, sir, thank you.
769
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:47,520
10 pound 10.
770
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:48,720
I beg your pardon.
771
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:50,960
I lost 10p in the locker.
772
00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:52,560
Oh, have a canape.
773
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:53,760
[Audience laughing]
774
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,597
And we will keep on
looking, Mrs. Rawlinson,
775
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:56,760
I promise you that.
776
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:58,200
[Mrs. Rawlinson wailing]
777
00:24:58,320 --> 00:24:59,720
I do know how you feel.
778
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:02,480
What I suggest you do is
go home, have a cup of tea,
779
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:04,320
put your feet up,
take a magazine-
780
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:05,437
[Rosemary] Mum.
781
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:06,320
Rosemary.
782
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:07,480
[Audience laughing]
783
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:08,917
Gavin, I thought you said
you'd searched everywhere.
784
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:09,997
We did, Mr. Brittas.
785
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:11,840
I found her huddled
under the stairs.
786
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,160
She's been in shock,
hardly surprising.
787
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:15,677
It's not every day
you come face to face
788
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,400
with a flesh eating fish.
789
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:18,360
Are you all right, love?
790
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,960
I've given her some
tea, she's fine now.
791
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:22,880
Come on, love,
let's get you home.
792
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:24,680
Mrs. Rawlinson.
793
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:26,560
[Audience laughing]
794
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,160
Mrs. Rawlinson.
795
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:29,280
Canape?
796
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:31,120
[Linda] There we go.
797
00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:31,920
[Tim] Linda?
798
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,480
Linda, please let
me out of here.
799
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,320
These feathers are killing me.
800
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:37,397
[Tim sneezing]
801
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,400
I can only apologise,
Mrs. Rawlinson.
802
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:41,917
You haven't heard the
last of this, Mr. Brittas,
803
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:43,520
I promise you.
804
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:45,560
[Protesters cheering]
805
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,320
[Linda] End all captivity.
806
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:49,320
[Protesters cheering]
807
00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:51,520
I'm warning you, Linda.
808
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,640
This is your last
chance to release Tim.
809
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:56,717
Okay, Mr. Brittas.
810
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,400
Right, that's...
811
00:25:58,640 --> 00:25:59,920
What?
812
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:01,997
And I'd also like to
apologise on behalf of all of us
813
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,280
for any inconvenience
we've caused you.
814
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,080
I don't know what came over me.
815
00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,080
Well, I'm glad you've
come to your senses, Linda.
816
00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,400
You and I need to
have a serious chat.
817
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:13,960
Yes, Mr. Brittas.
818
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:16,960
I'm really sorry, Tim.
819
00:26:17,080 --> 00:26:19,120
[Tim moaning]
820
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,200
It was for a really good cause.
821
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:22,597
Had a good day
then, Mr. Brittas?
822
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:23,960
I've got a bone
to pick with you.
823
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,360
[Audience laughing]
824
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:28,677
I can assure you none of my
staff would have even dreamt
825
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,200
of changing the order
without my consent.
826
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:33,240
I shall expect a
full refund for this.
827
00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:38,200
And if I don't get
one, I shall be taking...
828
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:39,120
Eh?
829
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:40,560
Where's it gone?
830
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:42,720
[Audience laughing]
831
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,240
What was that about a refund?
832
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,240
18,000 pounds?
833
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:50,200
Yes, well, apparently
that's the cost
834
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,160
of a baby tiger
shark, Mr. Brittas.
835
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:53,440
[Audience laughing]
836
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:56,240
There's also a letter from
Huntley, Huntley and Huntley.
837
00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:57,240
Who?
838
00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:59,080
Um, solicitors, Mr. Brittas,
839
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,480
acting on behalf
of a Mr. Castleford
840
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,720
who came on dolphin
day and is suing us
841
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:05,120
for attempted manslaughter.
842
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:06,440
[Audience laughing]
843
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:08,360
But there is some
good news, Mr. Brittas.
844
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:09,477
Oh yes, what's that?
845
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,600
Well, Rosemary's mother
has dropped the charges,
846
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:12,840
Mr. Brittas.
847
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:14,317
Apparently after her
encounter with the shark,
848
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:15,760
she's stopped lisping.
849
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:17,600
Saved hundreds of
pounds in speech therapy.
850
00:27:17,720 --> 00:27:18,400
[Door knocking]
851
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:19,840
Come in.
852
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,800
You asked to see
me, Mr. Brittas.
853
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:25,160
Hello, Gavin, how's Tim?
854
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:26,720
Oh, pretty bad, thanks.
855
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,080
But nothing 10 weeks
in traction can't cure.
856
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:29,880
[Audience laughing]
857
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,200
Sit down, please, Linda.
858
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,960
Now, I have
considered your case.
859
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:36,920
And I must admit I
admire you for sticking
860
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,200
by your principles.
861
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:39,000
Do you?
862
00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:40,160
Having said that,
863
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,520
you are guilty of a
breach of discipline,
864
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,200
let alone causing great
physical and mental distress
865
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:46,560
to one of your colleagues.
866
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,120
Yes, Mr. Brittas.
867
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:49,560
I think the fairest
thing to do is
868
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:51,040
to give you an official caution.
869
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:52,320
Thank you, Mr. Brittas.
870
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:56,240
However, I'm also gonna ban
you from my evening lectures
871
00:27:56,360 --> 00:27:57,640
for a period of one month.
872
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,880
[Audience laughing]
873
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:06,680
However, Linda, one
thing does puzzle me.
874
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,200
What's that, Mr. Brittas?
875
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,240
Whatever happened to that shark.
876
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,640
I suppose we'll never know.
877
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,320
[Audience laughing]
878
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,480
[Audience applauding]
879
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:23,000
[Light military band music]
880
00:28:23,050 --> 00:28:27,600
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