Original subtitles

[Light military band music]

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

Of course, Mr. Brittas.

No, we won't forget.

It's in the diary for next Tuesday.

Yes, I do look at my diary, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

Goodbye, Mr. Brittas.

[Ambient seaside music]

[Door knocking]

Mr. Brittas?

Um, Mr. Brittas?

[Audience laughing]

Mr. Brittas.

You wanted to see me, Mr. Brittas?

Isn't that a beautiful sound, Gavin?

Yes, sounds like seagulls, Mr. Brittas.

No, not seagulls, Gavin.

Now, why did I call you up here?

Yes, I want everyone

in the staff restroom right away, please.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

Canapes, Ben.

Come on, darling, they're your favourite.

Smoked salmon, beluga caviar.

[Audience laughing]

Well, please yourself.

Carole, what's up with Mr. Brittas?

He's acting very strangely.

Oh, I know.

Ever since he's come back from his tour,

he's had a sort of somewhat distant and, dare I say it,

poetic look about him.

Satay stick?

Oh, no, thank you, no.

I don't get it.

He's up in his office now,

listening to sounds of the sea.

Carole, how are the staff enjoying my canapes?

Oh, wonderful, Tim.

I'm enjoying...

Everyone's enjoying every mouthful.

If I could make one tiny little suggestion.

Go on.

The prawn parcels.

Just a teeny weeny bit too much coriander.

You're right.

Oh, by the way, Carole,

has my case turned up yet?

Yes, it came this morning.

Excellent, puligny-montrachet,

25 quid a bottle this stuff.

That's a bit steep for a staff canteen, isn't it, Tim?

Look, as long as I'm in charge,

I want the people to have the best on offer.

[Timer beeping]

Oh no, my coq au vin.

Tim, there's a staff meeting in five minutes.

Yeah, yeah, bye bye.

Sure?

They're very good.

Now, as you know, last week I was sent by Brussels

on a fact-finding tour of European leisure centres.

And since I've come back, some of you have noticed

that I've been rather dreamy and aloof.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

Is everything all right?

Yes, fine thanks, Linda.

But as your manager, I think it's only fair

that I should explain why I have been behaving this way.

It was while we were in-

I'm so sorry I'm late, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

We have osmosis in the downstairs toilets.

[Audience laughing]

Just sit down please, Colin.

Murky, yet at the same time,

a teasingly transparent lake is welling up

out of one of the bowls.

Thank you, Colin.

I've tried flushing it

but it only seems to make matters worse.

[Audience laughing]

Sit down please, Colin.

Now to cut a long story short,

it was on the Norwegian leg of our tour

that it all happened.

What happened?

[Audience laughing]

I fell in love.

In love?

With Ingrid, the most divine creature you've ever seen.

Does Mrs. Brittas know about this?

Oh, yes.

Mrs. Brittas is in love with her too.

[Audience laughing]

Don't you think the three of you should try

and sort this out in private, Mr. Brittas.

No, Timothy, you're all part of it.

[All scoffing]

Allow me to show you a photograph of Ingrid.

Mr. Brittas, I don't think that's appropriate.

[Julie sighing]

It's a dolphin.

That's right, Gavin.

The sounds in my office

that you thought were seagulls were in actual fact sounds

of one of these beautiful creatures.

Are you trying to tell us you're in love

with a dolphin, Mr. Brittas?

That's right, Tim, yes.

It will be sheep next.

[Audience laughing]

You see, it was while we were

at the [speaking foreign language] in Oslo-

you what?

That's Norwegian for "leisure centre", Julie.

[Audience laughing]

Mrs. Brittas and I were invited to swim with Ingrid.

Now, at first I was sceptical,

never having bathed with a mammal before,

but after two laps with Ingrid,

I was filled with the most extraordinary sense

of wellbeing and love for my fellow human beings.

What was the dolphin doing

in the leisure centre, Mr. Brittas?

An intelligent question, Linda,

and indeed one that I asked.

Apparently it's part of their occupational therapy programme.

The fact is that these creatures have the power to heal.

Aren't you thinking of hamsters, Mr. Brittas?

[Audience laughing]

No, Timothy, I'm not.

I'm here to tell you that Mrs. Brittas was on a heavy course

of antibiotics at the time-

are you sure they were antibiotics?

What do you mean?

Well, only the last time she was on antibiotics,

she was convinced I was the first movement

of mendelssohn's violin concerto.

[Audience laughing]

She happened to be allergic to penicillin.

Mrs. Brittas, after a couple of laps with Ingrid,

needed the pills no longer.

She was completely cured.

And with my own eyes, I saw a little disabled child,

all sad and forlorn.

After a couple of laps with Ingrid,

she sprang out of the pool with a new look

of brightness upon her face.

That is so beautiful.

[Audience laughing]

It is indeed, Colin.

And that is why next Tuesday is gonna be dolphin day

at whitbury-newtown leisure centre.

You mean we're gonna have a dolphin in the pool?

That's right, Gavin.

I've ordered it already.

I believe the people of whitbury should benefit

from swimming with one of these lovely creatures.

I think that is a magnificent gesture, Mr. Brittas.

Thank you, Colin.

The pool will of course have to be drained

and filled with seawater.

I've already made arrangements-

I'm sorry, Mr. Brittas, I must protest.

I really don't think we should promote keeping animals

in captivity, especially when they're being used

for sordid public entertainment.

Linda, I hardly call a day of healing,

"sordid public entertainment".

Healing?

Poppycock, it's a day of cheap thrills.

Right, whoa, far be it from me to ignore a protest

from one of my staff members.

We shall put it to the vote, shall we?

All those in favour of dolphin day, raise their hands.

All those against dolphin day raise theirs.

Right, yes, you're outnumbered, Linda.

[Mr. Brittas cackling]

[Audience laughing]

Finally, before we get back to work,

Mrs. Normanton is on holiday.

Timothy has kindly volunteered

to take over the running of the staff canteen.

I'd like to wish him luck.

Actually, I've been going a week,

not that anybody's noticed.

Well, perhaps more people would turn up

if you dropped your prices.

[All] Yeah.

Just a minute, I do a 17 pounds set menu,

which I think is very reasonable.

And that includes a half carafe of wine.

I always bring butties myself.

[Audience laughing]

Well, right, anyway,

perhaps Tim you could do something nice for dolphin day.

I'm rather partial to Shepherd's pie myself.

Told you it'd be sheep next.

[Audience laughing]

Well I'll do my best, Mr. Brittas,

but it won't be Shepherd's pie.

Morning, Carole.

[Carole mumbling]

What?

Welcome to whitbury-newtown leisure centre, Mr. Brittas.

How can I help you?

Has that brine delivery arrived yet?

Yes, Mr. Brittas,

they're pumping it through the back door.

Excellent.

You've got green bits in your teeth.

Oh, sorry.

Mr. Brittas, as you're here,

I'd like to show you something I did

in my art evening class especially for today.

[Audience laughing]

Very nice, Carole.

Particularly like the submarine.

Thank you...

It's not a submarine, Mr. Brittas.

It's a dolphin.

Mr. Brittas?

I am rather busy at the moment, penny.

No, I found this girl wandering around the building.

She says she's from whitbury comprehensive.

Completely slipped my mind.

You're here to see how a leisure centre works, aren't you?

What's your name?

Rosemary rawlinson.

Rosemary what?

Rosemary rawlinson.

She's rather shy.

Right, well if you're gonna be with us for two weeks,

I'm afraid you're gonna have to learn to speak up,

aren't you, Rosemary?

Yes.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

Bit of a stickler for formality, penny,

particularly when it comes to young people.

I'm so sorry to interrupt, Mr. Brittas.

Just to say I've managed

to unblock the left-hand cubicle but-

thank you, Colin.

About time after four days.

Rosemary, this is Mr. Colin weatherby,

one of my deputy managers.

Colin, this is Rosemary rawlinson

who's with us on a fortnight's work placement.

How do you do, Rosemary?

[Audience laughing]

Colin, I'd like you to look after Rosemary for me.

Me, Mr. Brittas?

I'll treat her like my own daughter.

[Audience laughing]

Colin, be a bit sensitive,

she's got a hideous speech impediment.

[Audience laughing]

Right, I've got a brine delivery to see to.

Carole, no eating on duty, please.

[Audience laughing]

Julie, can you do us a favour?

No.

Oh, please, Julie.

It's just a tiny little thing I want you to do.

No.

Now here's your menus.

Oh, thanks, Julie.

Look, if you could just call the fishmongers.

I've gotta shoot off

to the vegetable market before it closes.

It'll cost ya.

Well I've already given you 50 quid for typing these.

Suit yourself.

Well, thank you very much.

Just when you need a friend to help you out.

Oh, all right.

I'm too soft, that's my trouble.

Oh, you're a sport, Julie.

Look, I've ordered 10 pounds of shark steaks for lunchtime.

If you could just call to confirm the delivery.

There's the number.

Shark?

Well, it's dolphin day.

So I thought we'd do a special seafood menu.

[Audience laughing]

It's a lobster bisque,

followed by fillet De requin a la bordelaise.

You what?

Well, it's a little recipe I picked up in Bordeaux.

Shark marinated in white wine and oregano, it's delicious.

Oh, Julie, you've missed off the circumflex accent.

Have I?

Yes, it's the little hat

that goes over the "a" in "gateau"

and it's "a la carte", not "a la crate".

Gotta go, or else I'll miss my aubergines.

Don't forget the fishmonger, okay?

This must be it.

[Phone ringing]

[Audience laughing]

Hello, marine park aquarium.

Oh, hello, it's whitbury-newtown leisure centre here.

Look, you have to speak up, love,

I can't hear ya.

I said it's whitbury-newtown leisure centre.

[Marine park man] Oh, yeah.

I'd like to confirm our order.

[Marine park man] What?

What's that noise?

Penguins.

Is that the fishmongers?

[Marine park man yelping]

Flippers.

[Julie] What?

What was that about fish?

I'd like to order some shark.

[Audience laughing]

Sharks, so you've changed your mind then?

[Julie] What?

You don't want the dolph-

[audience laughing]

[Julie] Hello, are you there?

Hello?

So you want a shark then?

Yeah, yeah, about 10 pounds.

Smallest we do is 15 stone.

Baby tiger shark.

15 stone.

I suppose he could always freeze it.

[Audience laughing]

Shut up.

[Julie] What?

Not you, them.

They never stop.

Oh, well, just get it to us by lunchtime, okay?

Bye.

[Audience laughing]

What's wrong with COD?

[Audience laughing]

As far as I can make out, Rosemary,

this appears to be the cubicle that's causing the problem.

Oh dear, it's got worse.

Still, in a strange sort of way,

there's something quite beautiful about it.

[Audience laughing]

I think I'm going to be sick.

[Audience laughing]

Will you please be quiet.

My children are trying to sleep.

Morning, Carole.

Has it arrived yet?

Oh, welcome, Mrs. Brittas.

Has what arrived?

The dolphin, of course.

I think it's due around lunchtime.

Lunchtime?

I was sure Gordon said this morning.

Oh, well, I'll have to have a sauna or something.

[Chicken clucking]

[Audience laughing]

Carole, are those chickens?

I'm afraid they are, Mrs. Brittas.

Your chickens?

They were supposed to have been delivered

by the back door.

Good morning, my darling.

Hello, Gordon.

We could do without the farm yard impressions,

thank you, Carole.

[Audience laughing]

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

Anxious to be first in the queue for a dip with Wally?

Who?

Wally the dolphin.

Oh, yes, yes.

[Chicken clucking]

Carole, are you laying an egg?

No, Mr. Brittas.

They're Tim's chickens.

Can I have a word, please, Mr. Brittas?

I am rather busy at the moment, Linda.

Mr. Brittas, I implore you to call off this dolphin thing.

We've been through this, Linda.

If you still wish to complain,

there's a formal procedure.

Which is?

Put it in writing in triplicate, copy to me,

copy to head office, and one for yourself for reference.

But that could take weeks.

The dolphin is coming today.

Well, too bad, Linda.

Linda, twice around the pool with Wally

and you'll feel like a new woman.

But-

[chickens clucking]

What's this?

Poor caged things.

Apparently they're Tim's.

[Tim] Carole?

Uh, Tim, just the man.

What are these doing in reception?

Tortilla, Mr. Brittas.

What?

Spanish omelette, my alternative menu for today.

You see, I must have fresh eggs.

[Audience laughing]

[Helen] Such smooth, silky skin.

And eyes that just melt your heart.

I've lost track.

Is that the barman or the aerobics instructor?

No, Ingrid, the dolphin.

We just kept going round and round the pool.

And then I started getting these sensations.

What sensations?

Waves of energy going up and down my body.

It was just amazing.

Sounds pretty dubious to me.

No, no, it was a wonderful, spiritual experience, I think.

[Audience laughing]

Only trouble is,

I just can't seem to look at Gordon the same way anymore.

[Audience laughing]

What do you mean?

Well, it's just that every time we come to, you know,

I keep fantasising he's got a beak and a dorsal fin.

[Audience laughing]

Come on, form a queue.

[Carole] Canape for anyone?

That's it, form a queue.

Right, quieten down, please, everyone.

Quieten down, ladies and gentlemen.

I said quiet.

Right, now, my name is Gordon brittas,

and I'd like to welcome you to this special day,

a day of healing and Harmony

where hopefully everyone will get a chance to swim

with this divine creature.

You know, we swam with the dolphins in Ireland.

Was the most wonderful experience I ever had.

Would you go to the back of the queue, please?

[Audience laughing]

I did say stop talking.

Come on, off you go, back of the queue.

The dolphin will be here in due course, ladies and gents,

all right?

Yes, Julie, but are you sure you ordered them?

Yes, thank you, fine.

Ten pounds of new potatoes, eight pounds of courgettes.

I couldn't get organically grown, and no,

I'm not going out again.

Well, the shark steaks haven't turned up

so it's sauteed trout again.

Get me two pounds of fresh shiitake mushrooms.

Not again.

I'm supposed to be helping brittas in reception.

Fine, I'll go myself.

Nobody's helping me, but nevermind, it's only Tim.

[Audience laughing]

What mushrooms?

Shiitake.

No, Carole.

Please, Mr. Brittas.

Ben's been so looking forward

to swimming with the dolphin all week.

Carole, I cannot let Ben anywhere near the general public.

Not with his record.

But he's calmed down now, Mr. Brittas.

Carole, I hardly call dangling his montessori teacher

out of a second-floor window calming down.

[Audience laughing]

Haven't missed anything have I, Gordon?

Missed what, my sweet?

The dolphin, you fool.

No, doesn't get here 'til twelve thirty.

Anytime now.

Is this the front of the queue?

Uh, yes it is, my darling.

If you'd like to go to the back of the queue, please.

[Audience laughing]

I'm not going to the back of the queue, I'm your wife.

Wife or no wife, Helen,

you've gotta wait your turn like everyone else, please.

What is the point of being married to the manager

if you can't even jump a flipping queue?

I'm from the marine park.

Are you indeed?

Well, you're one minute late.

Gavin, take this man and his Van round the back, please.

Oh, Mr. Brittas, I was just going to-

take him round the back, please.

Yes, of course, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

Right, everyone, the good news is that Wally's

on the premises.

[Audience laughing]

I've never seen one in the flesh before.

I'm told they're really friendly.

Friendly?

[Audience laughing]

Well, aren't they?

That's not the first word that Springs to mind.

They do get a lot of bad press though, it has to be said.

I blame Steven Spielberg.

Yes.

Do you mind if I leave you to it?

Only, I promised our catering manager

I'd get him some shiitake.

Eh?

[Audience laughing]

Mushrooms.

[Carole] Staff announcement.

Will Linda Perkins please lead the way to reception?

Oh, excuse me, it's just...

Make her way to reception, thank you.

[Audience laughing]

She's supposed to have been here half an hour ago.

I could page her again, Mr. Brittas.

Not much point, Carole.

Where is that girl?

Give us an "s".

[All] S.

Give us an "a".

[All] A.

Give us a "d".

[All] D.

Give us an "I".

[All] I.

Give us an "s".

[All] S.

And give us a "t".

[All] T.

What does that spell?

[All] Sadist.

[Linda yelling]

[Audience laughing]

Gavin, where's Linda?

She's outside, Mr. Brittas.

Well, tell her to come in here, please.

We're understaffed as it is.

She's leading a demonstration, Mr. Brittas.

What?

I think you'd better get out there

a demonstration?

[Protesters] Sadist, sadist.

I'm warning you, Linda.

This could have serious implications for your job.

I'm sorry, Mr. Brittas,

but unless you hand over the dolphin to us,

we'll be forced to take further action.

Are you threatening me?

I'm afraid I am, Mr. Brittas.

All set, Mr. Brittas, we'll pick him up this afternoon.

Right, thank you.

Murderer.

[Audience laughing]

Let's get out of here, Charlie.

[Protesters] Sadist, sadist, sadist.

Right, I want you lot off council property

by the time I get back or I'm calling the police.

I'll deal with you later, Linda.

Right, everyone, this way, please.

Mr. Brittas, what's got in to Linda?

Nevermind Linda, Gavin.

It's important that you and I stay focused

so that people can enjoy the day.

Right, into the pool, please, madam.

Into the pool, please, young man.

There we go.

Are you sure you know what to do, Mr. Brittas?

Yes, Gavin, they explained everything in Norway.

It's quite simple really.

Right, if the rest of you would like

to remain over by this small pool.

Now, when the dolphin comes up to you,

give him a little pat on the nose.

They're very gentle creatures

so there's nothing to be afraid of.

And when he takes you around the pool, just relax.

Mr. Brittas?

Let's get going, Gavin, shall we?

Mr. Brittas, are you sure that's a dolphin?

[Audience laughing]

What?

Only I thought dolphins looked sort of different.

[Audience laughing]

It looks like a...

It's a shark.

It's a shark, shark.

[All screaming]

[Mr. Brittas] Out of the pool

in a nice, orderly fashion, please.

[All screaming]

[Audience laughing]

Nothing like the sound of people enjoying themselves.

[Audience laughing]

Pass the bucket.

This should do the trick.

It's a mixture of battery acid, guava leaves,

and Bulgarian cooking Brandy.

[Audience groaning]

Ah, yes, that's the one.

Now, a quick test and I'll tell Mr. Brittas

that the toilets are back in action.

[Water gushing]

[Audience laughing]

You stay there, Rosemary.

I'll turn the tap off at the mains, okay?

[All complaining]

Ladies and gentlemen,

if you would like to see my receptionist,

she will provide you with a refund.

And some canapes, Mr. Brittas.

We could have been killed.

I do apologise about that, sir.

You can apologise to my solicitors.

Gavin, what I want to know is how the shark got in there

in the first place.

You saw them put it in the pool.

Yes, well actually, Mr. Brittas-

and another thing, what am I supposed to do,

tie a knot in it?

What?

The bloody toilets are out of order again.

Eh?

They're supposed to have been fixed.

Gavin, you're in charge.

Talk to him.

Excuse me.

Canape?

[Audience laughing]

Come on, Gavin.

I asked you to buy the mushrooms, not pick them.

The trout will be ruined now.

[Audience laughing]

Chicken.

Chicken tikka.

[Audience groaning]

Linda?

What are you doing?

Setting them free.

Well don't.

Hold him.

[Audience laughing]

Get off me.

Sorry about this, Tim.

[Audience laughing]

[Audience laughing]

[Audience laughing]

Just in time.

[Water splashing]

[Chicken shrieking]

[Audience laughing]

Colin, I want a word-

[audience laughing]

Rosemary, what's going on here?

Where's Mr. Weatherby?

Mr. Brittas, you better come quick.

Not now, Gavin.

I'm dealing with an emergency.

Well, there's a bit of an emergency outside, Mr. Brittas.

They've got Tim.

Who's got Tim?

Linda and her lot.

Rosemary, you look a dreadful sight.

I want you washed and cleaned up.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

Hand him over, Linda.

Will someone please get me out of here?

[Audience laughing]

I'm sorry, Tim, it wasn't my idea to put you in there.

We'll give you Tim if you give us the dolphin, Mr. Brittas.

I will not be blackmailed, Linda.

Anyway, it's not a dolphin, it's a shark.

[Audience laughing]

Makes no difference to us.

It's still a poor creature that wants to be set free.

Help.

I'm warning you, Linda.

Either you let Tim go or I'm calling the police.

Help, help, oh please let me out.

[Audience laughing]

And they won't release him

'til we give them back the shark.

Yes, constable, I did say shark.

Gordon brittas.

[Phone buzzing]

[Audience laughing]

Hello, hello?

Julie, get the police station

on the phone again for me, please.

I'm busy.

Two quid for a glass of fizzy water?

[Audience laughing]

I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Brittas,

but have you seen Rosemary?

I am rather busy at the moment, Colin.

And those toilets are in a proper state.

I thought you said they'd been fixed?

Good news on that front.

When I was turning the water off,

I discovered that what seemed to be a simple blockage was

in fact a problem with the pressure differential,

caused by this.

[Audience laughing]

A lobster?

It must have escaped from the staff canteen.

I found it nesting in the water tank,

just above the outflow pipe.

Mr. Brittas, have you seen Rosemary at all?

I told her to go and wash herself.

Ah, she couldn't do that, you see,

there's no water supply.

I turned it off.

Except in the pool, of course.

And she wouldn't have gone in there

because all those lucky people are swimming

with that dolphin.

[Audience laughing]

My god.

What's the matter, Mr. Brittas?

Come with me, Colin, I'll tell you on the way.

[Audience laughing]

Hello, Wally.

Right, few times round, nice and gently.

[Audience laughing]

Rosemary?

Helen, what are you doing?

What do you mean?

[Shark roaring]

[Helen screaming]

[Audience laughing]

Are you all right, my darling?

I don't think Rosemary's all right, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

She's here.

Oh, Mrs. Rawlinson.

Please, take a seat.

Thanks for coming at such short notice, Mrs. Rawlinson.

I thought it best to talk to you in person.

It's about Rosemary.

What's the matter?

Well...

[Audience laughing]

She's disappeared.

Disappeared?

Where?

We have searched everywhere, Mrs. Rawlinson.

There's no easy way of saying this really.

We can't be sure.

But I'm afraid it looks as if Rosemary may have been eaten.

[Audience laughing]

What?

By a shark.

[Audience laughing]

Is this some kind of joke?

No, I wish that it were, Mrs. Rawlinson.

[Woman sobbing]

Are you all right?

Think you'd better come with me.

And a 10 pound refund for you, sir, thank you.

10 pound refund for you, madam, thank you.

10 pound refund for you, sir, thank you.

10 pound 10.

I beg your pardon.

I lost 10p in the locker.

Oh, have a canape.

[Audience laughing]

And we will keep on looking, Mrs. Rawlinson,

I promise you that.

[Mrs. Rawlinson wailing]

I do know how you feel.

What I suggest you do is go home, have a cup of tea,

put your feet up, take a magazine-

[Rosemary] Mum.

Rosemary.

[Audience laughing]

Gavin, I thought you said you'd searched everywhere.

We did, Mr. Brittas.

I found her huddled under the stairs.

She's been in shock, hardly surprising.

It's not every day you come face to face

with a flesh eating fish.

Are you all right, love?

I've given her some tea, she's fine now.

Come on, love, let's get you home.

Mrs. Rawlinson.

[Audience laughing]

Mrs. Rawlinson.

Canape?

[Linda] There we go.

[Tim] Linda?

Linda, please let me out of here.

These feathers are killing me.

[Tim sneezing]

I can only apologise, Mrs. Rawlinson.

You haven't heard the last of this, Mr. Brittas,

I promise you.

[Protesters cheering]

[Linda] End all captivity.

[Protesters cheering]

I'm warning you, Linda.

This is your last chance to release Tim.

Okay, Mr. Brittas.

Right, that's...

What?

And I'd also like to apologise on behalf of all of us

for any inconvenience we've caused you.

I don't know what came over me.

Well, I'm glad you've come to your senses, Linda.

You and I need to have a serious chat.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

I'm really sorry, Tim.

[Tim moaning]

It was for a really good cause.

Had a good day then, Mr. Brittas?

I've got a bone to pick with you.

[Audience laughing]

I can assure you none of my staff would have even dreamt

of changing the order without my consent.

I shall expect a full refund for this.

And if I don't get one, I shall be taking...

Eh?

Where's it gone?

[Audience laughing]

What was that about a refund?

18,000 pounds?

Yes, well, apparently that's the cost

of a baby tiger shark, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

There's also a letter from Huntley, Huntley and Huntley.

Who?

Um, solicitors, Mr. Brittas,

acting on behalf of a Mr. Castleford

who came on dolphin day and is suing us

for attempted manslaughter.

[Audience laughing]

But there is some good news, Mr. Brittas.

Oh yes, what's that?

Well, Rosemary's mother has dropped the charges,

Mr. Brittas.

Apparently after her encounter with the shark,

she's stopped lisping.

Saved hundreds of pounds in speech therapy.

[Door knocking]

Come in.

You asked to see me, Mr. Brittas.

Hello, Gavin, how's Tim?

Oh, pretty bad, thanks.

But nothing 10 weeks in traction can't cure.

[Audience laughing]

Sit down, please, Linda.

Now, I have considered your case.

And I must admit I admire you for sticking

by your principles.

Do you?

Having said that,

you are guilty of a breach of discipline,

let alone causing great physical and mental distress

to one of your colleagues.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

I think the fairest thing to do is

to give you an official caution.

Thank you, Mr. Brittas.

However, I'm also gonna ban you from my evening lectures

for a period of one month.

[Audience laughing]

However, Linda, one thing does puzzle me.

What's that, Mr. Brittas?

Whatever happened to that shark.

I suppose we'll never know.

[Audience laughing]

[Audience applauding]

[Light military band music]

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