Original subtitles

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

>> HE WO HITTE, SHIRI TSUBOME?

>> SARU MO KI KARA OCHIRU.

>> GADEN INSUI?

[ ALARM SOUNDS ] >> [ ROARS ]

[ BOTH SCREAM ] >> Both: "REAST" INFECTO!

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR!

OOH!

>> YEAST-B-GONE!

AKUSAI WA HYAKU-NEN NO FUSAKU!

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR!

>> [ ROARS ] [ BOTH GIGGLING ]

>> Both: SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR!

[ BOTH GIGGLING ] >> AKINASU WA YOME NI KUWASUNA!

>> [ GASPS ] SEIKO UDOKU!

>> UH-OH!

[ ALARM BLARES ] >> [ ROARS ]

>> All: ICE-CREAM MAN!

ICE-CREAM MAN!

[ LAUGHTER ] ICE-CREAM MAN!

>> TASTE POKé-FLAME, CHIRLAXX!

PCHEW! PCHEW! PCHEW!

[ CHUCKLES ] >> THE CIA's DAILY

THREAT-ASSESSMENT REPORT, SIR.

>> OH, BORING!

>> YOUR PERSONALIZED DAILY COMIC BOOK, SIR.

>> HEY, YOU GOT MY ATTENTION NOW!

HEE HEE HEE.

DANG IT, NO TIME TO ACTUALLY READ THIS THING.

GOT TO MAKE A SNAP DECISION.

WATCH YOUR ASS, MIDDLE EAST!

CAPTAIN TEXAS IS COMING!

FOR YOUR ASS!

YIPPIE KI-YAY!

>> WHAT THE -- >> SORRY, THAT INFORMATION IS ON

A NEED-TO-KNOW BASIS!

>> NO!

I'M BURNING ALIVE!

>> [ LAUGHS ] >> YOU SAID YOU WERE USING

NUCLEAR TECHNOLOGY TO HELP CHILDREN!

>> YES, TO HELP CHILDREN DIE!

ALL THE CHILDREN IN THE WORLD!

[ LAUGHS ] >> NO WAY, JOSé!

>> YOU CAN'T STOP ME!

[ SCREAMS ] >> [BLEEP] THOSE GUYS.

THE U.N. WAS WRONG IN IRAQ, AND THEY'RE WRONG FOR OUR CHILDREN'S

FUTURE!

NOW COME GET YOUR WHIPPIN'!

>> YOU CANNOT STOP THE MISSILES!

ONLY I HAVE THE CODES, SO YOU MUST DEAL WITH --

>> NEGOTIATING WITH TERRORISTS IS FOR DEMOCRATS!

I'M GEORGE W. BUSH, AND THE "W" STANDS FOR...

WELL, HERE COMES YOUR ASS-KICKING!

YAHOO!

>> [ SCREAMS ] >> OH, MAN, I SHOULDN'T HAVE

THROWN THAT LITTLE WAITER IN THE FIRE SO QUICK!

I NEED THAT CODE!

OH, THERE'S A SAYIN' IN TEXAS -- KILL TWO BIRDS WITH ONE BUSH --

UH, A BUSH IN THE BUSH IS WORTH ONE IN THE -- OH [BLEEP] IT!

ONE MIDDLE EAST PARKING LOT, COMIN' UP!

[ EXPLOSION ] SO LONG, THREAT TO AMERICA'S

ECONOMY -- OR AS YOU SAY, "ADIOS"!

YEAH [BLEEP] YOU, SUN!

HA HA HA!

YEAH, I'M THE PRESIDENT!

HA HA, YEAH!

THAT'S HOW I'M GONNA FIX GLOBAL WARMING, TOO --

CAPTAIN TEXAS-STYLE!

>> WHOA!

NO!

I'M BURNING ALIVE!

>> HERE I GO!

HYAH!

UH-OH.

[ CRASH ] [ RATTLING ]

>> THANKS FOR TUNING IN, AND WELCOME TO A SPECIAL CELEBRITY

EDITION OF "DOUBLE DARE"!

LET'S SAY HELLO TO THE RED TEAM -- DAREDEVIL...

>> I JUST HEARD SOMEONE FART IN THE AUDIENCE.

>> ...AND STEVIE WONDER!

>> I'M FEELING VERY SUPERSTITIOUS, BABY.

>> [ SNIFFS ] AND NOW I SMELL IT.

>> AND LET'S WELCOME THE BLUE TEAM -- MARLEE MATLIN AND

HELEN KELLER!

ARE YOU LADIES EXCITED TO PLAY?

>> WHEN ARE WE STARTING?

>> GREAT!

FIRST QUESTION -- WHAT ANIMAL MAKES THIS NOISE?

[ MOOING ] >> A COW!

>> CORRECT!

500 POINTS!

>> IS SOMEONE GOING TO SIGNAL ME WHEN WE ARE STARTING?

>> NEXT QUESTION -- IDENTIFY THIS OBJECT.

>> THE OBJECT IS A TV MONITOR!

[ BUZZER ] >> HEY, LOOK! A BASKETBALL!

[ DING! ] >> CORRECT!

NEXT QUESTION!

WHAT IS THE NOISE THAT THIS ANIMAL MAKES?

>> I'LL TAKE GEOGRAPHY FOR $400, PLEASE, ALEX.

[ BUZZER ] >> HELEN WANTS TO SAY THAT SHE

IS INCREDIBLY CONFUSED WHERE SHE IS, AND, SERIOUSLY, IF ANYONE

CAN LET ME KNOW WHEN WE'RE STARTING, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

[ BUZZER ] >> AS NEITHER TEAM COULD ANSWER,

HELEN KELLER WILL NOW HAVE TO DO THE PHYSICAL CHALLENGE!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] HELEN WILL HAVE TO JUMP THROUGH

THESE THREE FLAMING HOOPS ON THIS TRICYCLE.

AND GO!

[ SPLASH! ] OH, AND STRAIGHT INTO THE PILE

OF SLIME.

THAT'S UNFORTUNATE.

>> WATER!

>> RED TEAM WINS!

CONGRATULATIONS!

>> OH, HEY!

WHO WAS THAT? WHO WAS THAT?

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ON TELEVISION ]

[ ENERGY HUMMING ] [ BOTTLE OPENS ]

>> REALLY?

>> "I REGRET" IS THE NEW GAME YOU'LL REGRET IF YOU DON'T PLAY!

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY, OKAY, I'M UP, I'M UP.

I REGRET...LAST NIGHT, JULIE.

>> WHAT?

>> I WANTED TO SEE YOU NAKED, AND I DID, AND NOW I JUST DON'T

WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

>> [ COUGHS ] >> UH-OH!

"I REGRET" FROM GABLOO!

>> SPACE PIRATE MONKEY FROM PLUTO!

>> TO KING ARTHUR AND CAMELOT!

>> SIR BEDIVERE, HOW GOES THE QUEST?

>> [ MUFFLED SPEAKING ] >> WHAT?

>> [ MUFFLED SPEAKING ] UH, WELL, THEN, SIR LANCELOT?

>> [ MUFFLED SPEAKING ] >> OH, THIS IS A DISASTER.

CAN'T ANYONE HELP?

>> YO, WHAT'S UP, KING ARTHUR?

>> SIR MIX-A-LOT!

[ RAP MUSIC PLAYS ] >> ♪ THIS TABLE'S LONG, BUT IT

SHOULD BE ROUND ♪ ♪ KING ARTHUR CAN'T HEAR A

SOUND ♪ ♪ WHEN A KNIGHT TRIES TO TALK,

THAT BROTHER'S GOTTA WALK ♪ ♪ 'BOUT HALF A FREAKIN' BLOCK TO

BE HEARD ♪ ♪ CAN'T HEAR A WORD ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THIS TABLE IS SO ABSURD ♪

♪ US KNIGHTS GOT MUCH TO DISCUSS ♪

♪ BUT THIS TABLE'S RIDICULOUS ♪ >> DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

>> ♪ BEDIVERE CAN'T HEAR ♪ YO, CAN YOU PASS ME SOME BEER?

>> SAY WHAT?

>> ♪ IT'S 20 FEET BY 80 ♪ ♪ CAN'T EVEN FLIRT WITH LADIES ♪

♪ BETTER HAVE LONG ARMS ♪ ♪ WHEN YOU'RE HAVIN' A MEAL ♪

♪ IF YOU TRYIN' TO COP A FEEL ♪ ♪ WE NEED A NEW PROPORTION ♪

♪ TO BRING OUR KINGDOM FORTUNE ♪ ♪ I GOT AN IDEA THAT MIGHT WORK

FOR YA ♪ ♪ I'M-A MAKE THIS MOTHER

CIRCULAR ♪ SIR GALAHAD!

>> YEAH?

>> PERCIVAL!

>> YEAH?

>> DO YOU WANT TO HEAR THE OTHERS TALK?

>> HELL, YEAH!

>> ♪ THEN BRING IT IN ♪ ♪ SIT IT DOWN ♪

♪ IT'S LIKE KING ARTHUR'S CROWN ♪

♪ TABLE BE ROUND ♪ [ AIR WHISTLING ]

♪ TABLE BE ROUND ♪ ♪ NOW WITH THIS CIRCULATION ♪

♪ WE CAN HAVE NICE CONVERSATION ♪

>> CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

>> I CAN HEAR!

>> HOLY COW!

>> ♪ MAKE EVERY NIGHT SAY ♪ >> All: WOW!

>> ♪ NOW YOU KNOW THAT WE CANNOT FAIL ♪

♪ WHEN WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE HOLY GRAIL ♪

>> ♪ 360 ON THE PARAMETER ♪ ♪ AND YOU KNOW HOES LIKE

DIAMETER ♪ >> All: ♪ TABLE BE ROUND ♪

>> ♪ YEAH ♪ >> All: ♪ TABLE BE ROUND ♪

>> ♪ BUMPING THIS WITH THE CIRCUMFERENCE ♪

>> All: ♪ TABLE BE ROUND ♪ >> [BLEEP]

I'M NEVER GONNA NEED MONEY, ANYWAY.

COME ON, MAN.

COME ON, MAN, WHERE YOU WIN THIS [BLEEP] AT, SHOOTING DICE?

THE HELL WRONG WITH YOU?

CROWN-WEARING [BLEEP] [BLEEP]

>> UH, THIS IS A PICKLE.

>> UH...HUH.

>> DADDY, DADDY, LOOK!

GLOWORM IS GLOWING!

>> HEY, THANKS.

YOU SHOW ME THAT THING, LIKE, ONCE A DAY.

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] >> OH, THE FUSE MUST'VE BLOWN.

>> OH, DAMN IT!

OH, HELL, I NEVER GOT BATTERIES FOR THE FLASHLIGHT.

>> DADDY, WHAT ABOUT GLOWORM?

>> FINE, JUST GIVE IT TO ME.

[ CRASH! ] OW! OH, ASS-PACKING [BLEEP] END

TABLE!

[BLEEP] >> DADDY, IS GLOWORM HURT?!

>> NO, DADDY'S KNEECAP WAS SHATTERED LIKE A DINNER PLATE,

BUT GLOWORM'S A-OKAY.

DON'T WORRY, HONEY.

>> HONEY, BE CAREFUL ON THE BASEMENT STAIRS!

>> OH, REALLY?

'CAUSE I THOUGHT I'D GO DOWN BACKWARDS, HOPPING ON ONE FOOT,

BUT -- OH [BLEEP] [ SCREAMING, THUDDING ]

UGH.

[ COUGHS ] [BLEEP] STAIRS.

[ JOINTS CRACKING ] WHERE'S THAT [BLEEP] THING?

STUPID FUSE BOX.

OH, COME ON!

WORK, DAMN IT!

WORK!

>> HONEY, I THINK THE POWER'S OUT FOR THE WHOLE BLOCK!

IT'S A BLACKOUT!

>> OH [BLEEP] DAMN IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT!

DAMN IT! DAMN IT!

STUPID BLACKOUT!

[ GLOWORM SQUEAKS ] [ FOOTSTEPS ]

I'M BACK!

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP!

>> DADDY, WHERE'S GLOWORM?

>> HERE'S GLOWORM.

>> HE'S NOT LIGHTING UP WHEN I HUG HIM.

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] [ SCREAMS ]

>> HI, I'M "ROBOT CHICKEN" EXECUTIVE PRODUCER SETH GREEN.

>> AND I'M EXECUTIVE PRODUCER MATTHEW SENREICH.

>> AS OUR THIRD SEASON DRAWS TO A CLOSE, WE'D LIKE TO TAKE A

MOMENT TO REMEMBER THOSE WE LOST ALONG THE WAY.

[ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ] >> [ SCREAMS ]

[ ALL SCREAMING ] >> OH, GOD!

>> WHOA!

[ ALL SCREAMING ] [ GROANING ]

>> THAT'S IT? ONLY TWO?

>> GEEZ, THE OSCARS ALWAYS HAVE A BILLION OF THOSE THINGS.

[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ] >> HEY, GUYS, SORRY TO

INTERRUPT.

I'VE GOT YOUR JAMBA JUICE.

[ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ] AAH!

UGH!

[ Screaming ] MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!

AAH!

AAAAH!

AAH! UGH!

>> PHEW.

THREE'S PRETTY GOOD, RIGHT?

>> YEAH, PRETTY GOOD, BUT I THINK WE CAN DO BETTER.

[ SOFT MUSIC PLAYS ] >> WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

>> YOU BROUGHT THE CARD UP TOO EARLY!

>> WHAT, YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA [BLEEP] KILL ME?

NOT IF I [BLEEP] KILL YOU!

HA HA!

I AM "ROBOT CHICKEN"!

>> I AM "ROBOT CHICKEN"!

>> STUPID PARTNER!

>> OH [BLEEP] WHAT THE [BLEEP]

UGH!

>> UGH!

>> [ SCREAMS ] [ ALL SCREAMING ]

>> [ SCREAMS ] [ ALL SCREAMING ]

>> WHAT IN TARNATION IS ALL THIS COMMOTION IN THE HEN HOUSE?

>> HEY, EVERYBODY, IT'S "ADULT SWIM" PRESIDENT

MIKE LAZZO.

>> LOOK AT ALL THE DEAD FOLK LYING AROUND HERE LIKE POSSUMS

ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!

OUR INSURANCE IS GONNA SKYROCKET, Y'ALL!

>> WAIT, DO YOU MEAN WE'RE -- >> HELL, YEAH, FELLAS --

"ROBOT CHICKEN" IS CANCELED!

[ BOTH SCREAM ] >> ♪ BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK, BA-BA-BAWK ♪

♪ BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK ♪