Original subtitles

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

>> NOW, THIS WILL ONLY HURT FOR A SECOND.

>> AAH!

>> MY EYE! MY EYE!

AAH! AAH!

OW, OW!

AAH, OW!

OW, OW!

[ SCREAMING ] [ BABBLING INCOHERENTLY ]

[ TIRES SCREECH ] >> AAH!

>> OH, OH, AAH, AAH, AAH!

AND THAT'S WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU FLINCH.

OH, NO, ARTHUR.

THIS SHOT DOESN'T GO IN YOUR ARM.

IT GOES IN THE TIP OF YOUR PENIS.

>> GO!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ] >> I AM NOT A CRIMINAL.

>> NICE TRY, MARY JANE.

NOW, WHERE'S THE [BLEEP] COKE?

>> NO COKE.

I AM A WITCH DOCTOR.

[ BOTH LAUGH ] STOP IT!

THOSE ARE MYSTICAL ITEMS.

>> MORE LIKE A MYSTICAL ASS SCRATCHER.

>> NO, NO, DO NOT DO THAT!

YOU'RE GOING TO OPEN UP A DIMENSIONAL RIFT.

>> BEN, YOU'RE -- YOU'RE HUMAN AGAIN.

>> BEN? HOLY CRAP.

THE HAITIAN WAS RIGHT.

>> OH, BEN, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

>> HUH?

OH, AND I'M HAPPY, TOO, SWEET CHEEKS.

[ ALARM BLARING ] >> DR. DOOM MUST BE ATTACKING.

QUICKLY TO THE FANTASTICAR.

>> WOW, THE FANTASTIC FOUR!

>> ALL SHALL KNEEL BEFORE DR. DOOM.

>> AAH!

>> CURSES. THE FANTASTIC FLAMER.

>> I'M THE HUMAN TORCH, YOU ASS.

MY ONE WEAKNESS.

>> AAH!

>> OH, DID I JUST HIT SOMETHING?

HUH, GUESS NOT.

[ THUDDING ] IT SURE SOUNDS LIKE I'M DRAGGING

SOMETHING, BUT I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING.

HEY, DR. DOOM, COOL.

>> GIVE IT UP, DOOM.

YOU'RE FINISHED.

>> DOOM SHALL NEVER CEASE HIS EFFORTS TO DESTROY YOU ALL --

NEVER!

DOOM IS INVINCIBLE.

UH, WAIT.

>> GREAT SCOTT!

BEN, WHAT DID YOU DO?

>> HE WAS RESISTING ARREST.

LOOKS LIKE A CLEAN KILL TO ME.

>> [ SHIVERING ] >> YOU'RE BEING AWFULLY QUIET,

SUE.

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ] BITCH.

>> IF I'M HERE, I WONDER WHERE THAT BEN GUY IS.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ] >> WHO IS IT?

>> IT'S CLOBBERING TIME!

>> HOLY [BLEEP] >> YEAH!

YEAH!

YEAH!

YEAH!

[ LAUGHS ] >> DOES, UH, DOES VIC LOOK

DIFFERENT TO YOU?

>> NOW, WHO CAN TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THE BATTLE OF

HASTINGS?

NO! YOU PUT YOUR HAND DOWN!

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR [BLEEP] DOWN!

DOWN! DOWN!

I WILL KILL YOU!

YOU LITTLE PIECE OF [BLEEP] DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!

ANYONE ELSE?

>> [ MOANING PLEASURABLY ] OH, YEAH.

[ MECHANICAL WHIRRING ] >> WHERE THE HELL AM I?

VIBRATRON TO PRIME.

THE DECEPTICONS MUST HAVE CAPTURED ME.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM, BUT I'LL INCREASE VIBRATION.

>> [ MOANING PLEASURABLY ] >> IN OTHER FOREST NEWS, A LOCAL

GIRL WAS ANALLY VIOLATED BY A BEAR TODAY.

>> WELL, SHE ATE THEM BEARS' PORRIDGE.

NEVER EAT NO BEAR'S PORRIDGE.

>> THE VICTIM, 18-YEAR-OLD GOLDILOCKS SANCHEZ, IS CURRENTLY

RECUPERATING IN THE ANAL-RECOVERY WING OF THE

WESTBROOK MEDICAL CENTER.

THE ACCUSED BEAR, 34-YEAR-OLD PAPA BEAR, FACES SERIOUS CHARGES

BUT HAS ALREADY SIGNED A FIVE-YEAR CONTRACT WITH

VIVID VIDEO.

>> WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I'VE GOT A BEAR ANALLY PORKING CHICKS.

I'LL SELL A BILLION COPIES OF "PAPA BEAR POOPER PARTY."

I MEAN, UH, THANK GOD WE LIVE IN A COUNTRY WHERE YOU CAN FILM

BEARS HAVING SEX WITH HUMANS, HUH?

OH, WAIT, WE DON'T?

[ BEEP ] SO LONG, ASSHOLES.

[ LAUGHS ] [ LAUGHS ]

>> I MADE THIS SNOW ANGEL FOR GRANDMA, BECAUSE SHE IS AN ANGEL

NOW.

I HATE YOU, GRANDMA.

>> THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING.

WELL, IT WAS A LONG FLIGHT, BUT WE'RE ON OUR FINAL APPROACH TO

LONDON.

NOW'S THE LAST CHANCE TO USE THOSE LAVATORIES.

[ TOILETS FLUSHING ] >> WHOO!

THEY SURE ARE PISSING UP A STORM.

CAN OUR SYSTEM HANDLE THAT?

>> OH, I'M SURE IT'S FINE.

[ ALARM BLARING ] >> MAYDAY.

WE HAVE A FROZEN-PISSBALL EMERGENCY.

>> OOH, YES, PROPER TEA AND SHEPHERD'S PIE, AND MEAT...

>> OH, YES, YES, QUITE...

SO, HERE WE ARE IN THE HOT SUN.

THE QUEEN IS DEAD IN A CRATER, AND ALL AROUND, THE GROUND IS

SOAKED WITH PISS.

IT'S A MYSTERY.

>> YES, YES.

>> IT'S QUITE A MYSTERY.

>> I'M CONFOUNDED BY THIS.

>> PLEASE ENJOY TONIGHT'S PERFORMANCE OF

"DON'T BE RIDICULOUS," STARRING "PERFECT STRANGERS'"

BRONSON PINCHOT AND RAPPER CHRIS "LUDACRIS" BRIDGES.

[ APPLAUSE ] >> WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN?

YOU MIND IF I SIT RIGHT HERE?

>> WELL, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

MAN, THERE'S A LOT OF FINE-LOOKING HOES OUT HERE

TODAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

YEAH.

>> DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

>> I'M LUDACRIS.

>> DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

>> HA.

NO, MAN, I-I'M SERIOUS.

THAT -- THAT'S MY NAME, MAN.

I-IT'S LUDACRIS.

>> DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

>> IT'S LUDACRIS.

>> DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

>> MOTHER [BLEEP] I AM NOT TO BE PLAYED WITH.

ARE YOU HEARING ME?

I WILL KILL YOUR FAMILY.

>> COUSIN LARRY?

>> YOU WANT TO DIE, MOTHER [BLEEP]

>> DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

>> AND I'M NOT BEING RIDICULOUS, BITCH!

YOU WANT TO SEE RIDICULOUS?

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

[ CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYS ] THAT [BLEEP] WAS RIDICULOUS.

>> Both: ♪ DON'T BE ♪ ♪ DON'T BE ♪

♪ RIDICULOUS ♪ >> THANK YOU.

>> YES! YES!

AND DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

[ TIRES SCREECH ] [ CRASH, THUD ]

[ TIRES SCREECH ] >> WELL, MY DOG IS ALWAYS

BARKING DOWN THAT HOLE, SO I FIGURED THERE'S GOT TO BE

SOMETHING IN THERE.

>> RATS, SNAKES.

COULD BE ANY NUMBER OF REASONS TO OVERBILL YOU.

BUT NOT TO WORRY.

I GOT SOMETHING THAT'LL TAKE CARE OF THE PROBLEM.

>> UH, WILL THAT KILL THEM ALL?

>> NO.

IT'S SO I KNOW WHERE TO THROW THIS.

>> ♪ HAPPY, HAPPY DAY ♪ ♪ FRAGGLES SAY IT'S A HAPPY

DAY ♪ ♪ HAPPY, HAPPY DAY ♪

♪ NOTHING COULD GO WRONG ♪ [ SCREAMING ]

>> HOLY CRAP!

WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

RUN!

>> HURRY, HURRY!

>> OH, STOP!

OH, THAT'S BAD.

>> WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

WE HAVE NO HOME.

>> HEY, HEY!

UNCLE TRAVELING MATT'S BEEN SENDING ME POSTCARDS FROM THE

OUTER WORLD FOR YEARS.

WITH THEIR GUIDANCE, I'LL FIND US A NEW FRAGGLE ROCK.

>> WAIT!

STOP!

>> WHAT'S WRONG, WEMBLEY?

>> I SEE A TERRIBLE THING COMING.

FIRE AND DEATH.

THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE.

SOMETHING VERY BAD IS COMING.

>> YOU KNOW, YOU GOT TO WORK ON THE "PRE" PART OF PREMONITION,

DOUCHE BAG.

IN YOUR BALLS.

>> TAKE THAT!

>> YEAH, KICK THE BALLS!

>> THERE YOU GO.

>> I NOW HAVE A VAGINA.

>> WHAT WAS THAT?

>> UNCLE MATT SAYS THEY'RE CALLED "BEEP, BEEP.

"OUT OF THE WAY, ASSHOLE," BUT THEY'RE HARMLESS.

[ HORN BLARES ] >> OUT OF THE WAY, ASSHOLE!

[ HORNS BLARING ] >> OUT OF THE WAY, ASSHOLE!

[ TIRES SCREECHING, CARS CRASHING ]

>> AAAAAHH!

>> D-D...

DEATH.

>> YOU SHOULD HAVE WARNED US.

I'M SURE OUR TROUBLES ARE ALL IN THE PAST.

HURRY. IT'S RIGHT BEHIND US!

>> GO, GO, GO, GO!

>> [ SCREAMING ] >> [ BARKS ]

>> [ Weakly ] HEY, GUYS, HELP -- UH, PLEASE KILL ME.

KILL ME, PLEASE.

WAIT, WAIT...STOP.

I CHANGED MY MIND.

>> HANG IN THERE.

WE'RE ALMOST DONE.

>> [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] I CAN'T GO ON.

JUST LEAVE ME.

>> WE NEED FOOD, GOBO.

WE'RE STARVING.

>> I SMELL RADISHES.

[ CRUNCH! ] [ STRAINING ]

>> HE WAS RIGHT.

LOOK AT ALL THE RADISHES.

>> All: HOORAY!

>> EAT UP.

THERE'S PLENTY.

>> HOORAY!

>> WE MADE IT.

>> THIS IS IT, GANG.

THIS IS OUR NEW HOME.

AND NOW TO START REPOPULATING.

[ LAUGHS ] >> WAIT.

I'M GETTING ANOTHER VISION.

I SEE...

I SEE...

THAT I'M GONNA GET MY FREAK ON!

[ LAUGHS ] >> W-WHAT IS THAT?

[ SCREAMING ] >> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-GAWK! BAWK.

BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-GAWK! BAWK.