Original subtitles

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

>> AND RELAX.

RELAX.

[ ROARS ] MMM.

[ ROARS ] MMM.

>> [ ROARS ] >> [ CHUCKLES ] AND THAT'S WHAT

HAPPENED TO THE DINOSAURS.

>> [ WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY ] >> SON, THIS IS GONNA HURT ME

MORE THAN IT HURTS YOU.

AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> AAH!

>> REALLY?

THE WHOLE BUDGET'S JUST A CAMERA AND THE VAN?

>> DUDE, YOU'RE ON.

>> OH, NOW?

OH, THIS IS GONNA ROYALLY KICK ASS!

>> I KNOW!

I'M GONNA USE THE LIE-DETECTION SOFTWARE TO SEE WHICH ONE THE

PRODUCER TOLD TO LIE TO YOU, AND THEN YOU'LL HIT THE OTHER ONE IN

THE FACE WITH YOUR DICK.

>> BOO-YA!

AND I'LL GIVE YOU SLOPPY SECONDS.

UP TOP!

>> SLOPPY SECONDS!

>> THIS SHOW IS AWESOME!

HERE THEY COME.

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ] >> HI, I'M BARBIE.

>> WHAT'S UP? I'M YASMIN.

>> BITCHES AIN'T LYIN'.

>> SO, BARBIE, HOW DO YOU KICK IT?

>> WELL, I'M A DOCTOR, AN OLYMPIC SKATER, A SCIENTIST, AND

A HOMEMAKER, AND I LIKE PINK.

>> OH, SNAP.

WE GOTS THAT IN COMMON.

>> AND HOW ABOUT YOU, YASMIN?

HOW YOU GET DOWN?

>> I LIKE A MAN WHO TAKES CARE OF ME.

I ENJOY CLUBBING -- OH! -- AND SHOPPING.

I'M KIND OF A BRAT, AND I DESIGNED MY OWN TRAMP STAMP.

>> THAT'S YOU AND ME, DUDE.

>> MMM, I LOVE SALAD.

>> ME, TOO.

>> SHE IS LYIN', DUDE.

>> DO YOU REALLY ENJOY SALAD, YASMIN?

>> WELL, I AM MORE INTO MEAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

>> OH, MAN.

OH, MAN.

OH, SHE'S TELLING T-THE TRUTH.

SHE'S TELLING...THE TRUTH.

>> HELLO, I WAS A SPACE-SHUTTLE COMMANDER.

I HAVE AN R.V. AND A CONVERTIBLE.

>> FEELS SO GOOD.

>> IT'S TRUE.

IT'S TRUE.

SHE LIKES IT, DOG.

SHE'S LIKES IT.

>> OH, HELL, YEAH.

I CHOOSE YOU.

>> THIS IS [BLEEP] WE STILL HAVE 20 MINUTES LEFT ON

THE SHOW.

>> IS THAT THE HOT TOPIC?

>> OH, YOU THE ONE.

>> OH, BABY, YES.

I KNEW I'D BEAT THAT WHORE.

>> OH, YEAH.

OH, YOU DEL-- OH, YOU TASTE LIKE OTHER MEN, THOUGH.

>> OH, YES.

THIS IS DOING WONDERS FOR MY SELF-ESTEEM.

>> OH, YOU DIRTY.

>> I'M NUMBER ONE!

>> OH I FEEL [BLEEP] CRAWLING ON ME ALREADY, BUT I DON'T CARE.

>> AND NOW PLEASE STAND FOR OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM.

>> YOU TRAITOR.

>> BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE!

>> I'M SORRY, BABY, BUT I HAVE TO GO.

>> OH, NO. UNH-UNH.

DON'T EVEN TRY IT.

TODAY IS YOUR DAY WITH THE KIDS.

YOU CAN'T JUST DUMP THEM ON ME.

>> BABY, SHE'S ALREADY SAID MY NAME THREE TIMES.

I HAVE TO GO!

>> FINE, THEN I WANT FULL CUSTODY OF THE KIDS.

>> WHAT?

YOU'RE REALLY DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?

THIS IS THE SECOND YOU CHOOSE TO DROP THIS ON ME?

>> BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE!

>> HONEY, SHE NEEDS ME RIGHT NOW!

>> I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW.

YOUR KIDS NEED YOU RIGHT NOW.

>> RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS.

>> UGH!

BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE [BLEEP] BEETLEJUICE!

>> YOU ARE MADE OF BITCH.

[ LIGHT APPLAUSE ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>> THE WINNER!

>> ARE YOU -- WHAT?

WE BOTH HIT THE TARGET IN EXACTLY THE SAME SPOT.

HE SIMPLY WENT SECOND.

>> NO, ROBIN HOOD WINS.

>> WAIT.

THAT'S ROBIN HOOD?

>> I'D GLADLY PAY YOU TUESDAY FOR A HAMBURGER TODAY.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, WIMPY, YOUR FICO SCORE

ALONE WON'T LET ME DO THAT.

>> OH, HAMBURGER.

>> HERE YOU GO.

>> THANK YOU.

OH, SWEET HAMBURGER.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ] >> IT'S TUESDAY, WIMPY.

WHERE'S ME MONEY?

>> OH, DEAR.

POPEYE, I DON'T HAVE IT, BUT I'D GLADLY PAY YOU TUES--

>> YOU FORCED ME TO DO THIS.

>> NO! NO!

NOT THE SPINACH!

AAH!

NO!

OH!

WAIT.

WAIT.

STOP, PLEASE.

I'LL SUCK YOUR--.

>> WELL, BLOW ME DOWN.

>> I'D GLADLY PAY YOU TUES-- >> MAN, I WISH I WAS A

SUPERHERO.

I WOULD RESCUE GIRLS WHO WOULD SHOW ME THEIR BOOBS.

I WOULD USE MY X-RAY VISION TO LOOK AT BOOBS.

AND THEN I WOULD...BOOBS.

[ ELECTRONIC HUMMING ] HELLO!

DOWN HERE!

ALIEN INVADERS, I MEAN YOU NO HARM.

PARLEZ-VOUS ANGLAIS?

SWEET BOUNCING KLINGONS!

A SUPERSUIT!

HERE I COME, BAD GUYS...AND BOOBS...AND NOT NECESSARILY IN

THAT ORDER.

>> ♪ BELIEVE IT OR DON'T ♪ ♪ I'M FLY-- ♪

>> HEY, KID, WE FORGOT TO INCLUDE THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL.

UH, I'LL JUST, UH, LEAVE IT HERE, THEN READ IT WHEN YOU --

GOT TO GO.

BYE.

>> SPECIAL AGENT BILL MAXWELL, FBI.

WE GOT A REPORT OF A UFO IN THE AREA.

THAT LOOKS LIKE ALIEN SUPERSUIT TECHNOLOGY.

PROBABLY BONDED TO YOUR DNA ALREADY.

NO POINT IN TRYING TO REMOVE IT.

WELL, COME ON, KID.

TIME TO SAVE THE WORLD.

>> ♪ BELIEVE IT OR DON'T ♪ ♪ I'M FLYING AROUND ♪

♪ I NEVER FIGURED I'D FEEL SO... ♪

♪ THIS COSTUME RIDES UP IN THE CRACK OF MY ASS ♪

♪ I'M MAKING HISTORY ♪ ♪ IT LOOKS LIKE ROBERT CULP

AND ME ♪ [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

>> SAME TIME TOMORROW, KID.

>> SORRY, CLERICAL ERROR.

WE KIND OF NEED THE SUIT BACK.

THANK YOU.

UH, HIS THIRD LEG IS TINY.

TINY THIRD LEG.

BYE.

>> HEY, WE'RE RAISING MONEY FOR -- UGH.

>> [ CHUCKLES ] HIS PENIS IS TINY.

HI, PENIS.

AH, BOO-BOO-BOO-BOO.

THERE YOU ARE.

YOU'RE A TINY PENIS.

YES, YOU ARE.

OH, WHO'S A TINY PENIS?

WHO'S A TINY PENIS?

YOU ARE.

OH, YOU'RE SO CUTE, AREN'T YOU?

>> [ LAUGHS ] HOW TINY.

>> DANG IT.

>> OW!

DO I GO TO A HOSPITAL OR A MECHANIC?

>> UH, WHAT'S THE SITCHES, BITCHES?

I'M RICHIE RICH, AND WELCOME TO MY CRIB!

YO, THIS MY GROOM ROOM.

ALL THESE HANDS MAY LOOK ALIKE, BUT ONLY ONE HAS A BROWN PINKIE.

[ GROANS ] JACKPOT!

I GOT SO MUCH MONEY, I EVEN GOT MY DOG GOLD-PLATED.

HE WASN'T DEAD.

I JUST WANTED HIM GOLD-PLATED.

AND I GETS WHAT I WANT.

I WANT MY DOG GOLD-PLATED.

GOLD-PLATED DOG!

THIS IS MY THRONE ROOM.

I LIKE TO COME HERE, THINK ABOUT HOW I GOT SO [BLEEP] RICH.

UH-OH, UH-OH.

LOOKS LIKE I'M ABOUT TO DROP ANOTHER GRAND.

[ GRUNTS ] UH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I [BLEEP] GOLD BRICKS.

THIS IS WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS.

AND THIS IS WHERE I [BLEEP] JUST ASK IRONA.

SHE'S SEEN IT ALL.

OR BETTER YET, CHECK OUT MY SUPERSWEET SEX TAPE.

YOU AIN'T A REAL PLAYA UNLESS YOU GOT ONE, BITCH.

OPERATOR, CONNECT ME TO THE MOON.

AND, OF COURSE, THIS IS THE POOL.

THIS IS WHERE I GET A GREAT VIEW OF MY ASSETS.

YO, TURN OVER, LADIES.

LET ME LOOK AT MY ASSETS.

THEY SAY I'M THE RICHEST BOY ON EARTH, BUT I SAY WHY STOP THERE

[BLEEP] CHECK IT OUT.

I DON'T MAKE MONEY.

I POSE FOR MONEY.

>> YOU SHOWING OFF YOUR INHERITANCE, SON?

>> SHUT UP, OLD MONEY!

NOW LET'S GO SEE SOME [BLEEP] CARS.

HEY, YOU MIGHT WANT TO PUT ON A HELMET SO IT DON'T MAKE A MESS

WHEN I BLOW YOUR MIND.

I USED TO BE ALL ABOUT STYLE, BUT THEN I REALIZED I SHOULD GET

A HYBRID -- HALF BENTLEY, HALF MONSTER TRUCK, THAT IS.

BLAM!

TALK ABOUT GREAT MILEAGE.

THIS THING GETS 7 FEET FOR ONE TANK OF GAS.

[ LAUGHS ] ANYWAY, THAT'S MY CRIB.

I GOT TO GO 'CAUSE I'M LATE FOR MY VACATION...IN MY BACKYARD!

I'M OUT, BITCH.

BLAM!

[ LAUGHS ] YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

>> YOUR DRINK, SIR.

>> AWESOME.

HOLD ON, CADBURY.

I GOT A TIP FOR YOU.

[ GRUNTING ] >> NO, IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT,

SIR.

>> NO, NO, NO.

I INSIST.

[ GRUNTING ] >> OH, PLEASE STOP.

NO, SIR.

SIR, SIR, DON'T -- DON'T -- NO, SIR.

>> [ GRUNTING CONTINUES ] >> PLEASE, IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

>> Shh, shh, shh.

I'M GONNA GET YOU A TIP.

>> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

BA-GAWK! BAWK.

>> [ GRUNTING ] AH, THERE YOU GO.

>> [ GRUNTING ] AH, THERE YOU GO.