Original subtitles

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

>> ♪ I'M SO HAPPY 'CAUSE I'M A GUMMY BEAR, GUMMY BEAR ♪

AAAAAAAHH!

[BLEEP] SUCKING MOTHER [BLEEP] AAAAAAAAHHH!

[ PANTING ] OH, I GUESS THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY

OUT OF THIS.

[ CHOMPING ] MMM!

GOODNESS, I TASTE DELICIOUS!

[ CHOMPING ] THAT WASN'T BAD AT ALL.

AAAAAAAHHH!

>> GUMMY BEARS -- FOR CANDY THIS DELICIOUS, YOU'LL CHEW OFF YOUR

OWN LEG!

>> AAAAH!

>> AAH!

AAH! AAAH!

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] AAH!

EHH...

EEH...

UH...

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DUN DUN! ]

>> BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK.

BAWK. BAWK.

[ GASPS ] BAWK -- BAWK -- BAWK BAWK BAWK!

[ DUN DUN! ] >> BAWK BAWK, BAWK BAWK BAWK.

>> BAWK BAWK BA-BA BA-GAWK.

>> BA-GAWK? BA-GA BAWK.

[ DUN DUN! ] >> BAWK?

>> BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK BAWK BAWK?

>> BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK.

>> BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK?

>> BAWK BAWK...BA...BA...

UH...

BAWK BAWK BA-BAWK!

>> BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK?

[ DUN DUN! ] BA-GAWK, BAWK BAWK BAWK.

BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK BA BA BAWK BAWK BA BAWK BA.

>> BAWK.

[ DUN DUN! ] >> BAWK BAWK BAWK!

>> BA BA BA-GAWK.

>> BAWK BA BAWK!

>> BA BA BA-GAWK!

BAWK BAWK!

BA-BA-BAG-GAWK!

>> BAWK BA-BAWK!

[ DUN DUN! ] BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK!

>> BA BAWK.

>> BAWK BA-GAWK BA-BAWK [BLEEP] >> BA GAWK!

>> BAWK [BLEEP] BAWK!

BA-BA-BAWK! BAWK!

[BLEEP] BAWK!

>> BA BA BAWK.

>> BAWK BAWK BAWK BA BA!

BA BA BAWK!

BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK?

BAWK BAWK BA BAWK.

[ DUN DUN! ] >> BAWK BA-BA BA-GAWK.

BAWK BA-GAWK, BA-BA BA-GAWK BA BAWK, BA BAWK BA-GAWK BAWK BA

BA-GAWK!

>> BAWK BA BAWK!

>> BAWK.

>> BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK.

BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK...

BAWK BA-BAWK?!

[ DUN DUN! ] >> BA BAWK BA-GAWK BA-GAWK...

BAWK BA-GAWK!

[ ALL GASP ] >> BA BAWK! BA BAWK!

>> BAWK BA-GAWK! BA-BAWK!

[ DUN DUN! ] >> BAWK BAWK BAWK!

BAWK BA-GAWK!

>> BA-GAWK BA-GAWK?

>> BAWK BAWK BAWK, BA BAWK BA-GAWK.

>> BAWK BA BAWK, BAWK BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK.

BAWK BA BAWK BAWK, BAWK BAWK BA-GAWK.

BAWK-BAWK BAWK BAWK!

>> BAWK!

>> BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK!

>> BA-BAWK BA-GAWK!

BAWK BAWK BAWK BA-GAAAAAAA!

BA-GAWK...

>> MR. PRESIDENT, PLEASE ACCEPT THIS GIFT ON BEHALF OF THE

CHINESE PEOPLE.

>> THANKS, CHING-CHONG.

>> [ TRILLING ] >> THERE ARE VERY IMPORTANT

INSTRUCTIONS REGARDING ITS CARE AND FEEDING.

WE ONCE GAVE A MOGWAI TO AMERICAN TEENAGER, AND THE

RESULTS WERE CATASTROPHIC.

BUT SURELY THE LEADER OF THE FREE --

>> YEAH, ALL RIGHT, THEN.

HOWDY, LITTLE CRITTER!

>> SOME PEOPLE CALL HIM A GREMLIN.

>> WELL, THE NAME OF THIS GRUMBLIN'S GONNA BE FROOT LOOP.

>> OOH!

>> HA HA HA! I'M GONNA GET YOU!

HA HA HA!

I'M GONNA SMOKE YOU OUT.

DON'T TELL NOBODY WE'RE EATING THIS.

>> HMM...

>> WHO WANTS TO STEP UP TO THE "Qbert" TABLE AND HAVE THEIR

FURRY BUTT KICKED?

[ CHEERING ] [ SCREAMING ]

OH, SWEET, BABY [BLEEP] HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!

>> OW! MY HEART!

>> AH, GO GET 'EM, CHENEY.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!

AAAH!

[ LAUGHTER ] >> [ LAUGHING ]

AW, DANG IT!

WHO SAYS THEY GET TO HAVE ALL THE FUN, RIGHT, FROOT LOOP?

>> [ GRUNTS ] >> YAHOO!

UH...

THEM GRUMBLINS DID IT.

>> OOPSY! I LOST!

>> TAKE IT OFF, JENNA, YOU STUPID WHORE!

>> SHUT UP!

I WANT TO DO THIS ANYWAY!

LOOK AT MY BOOBS!

[ BOTH SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ] >> BUT WE'RE RELATED.

>> IDENTICAL!

[ MOANING PASSIONATELY ] [ LAUGHTER ]

>> HEY, THEY'RE HAVING A PANTS-OFF DANCE OFF.

COME ON, FROOT LOOP!

>> [ LAUGHING ] >> MR. PRESIDENT, IT'S

ARMAGEDDON!

>> I LOVE THAT MOVIE.

>> NO! THE WORLD IS DOOMED!

IT'S A NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST!

>> SO IF I PISSED ON A SPARK PLUG, WOULD IT DO ANY GOOD?

>> OH, GEORGE, I'M SO HUNGRY.

>> OH, DON'T WORRY, HONEY.

WE'LL JUST EAT FROOT LOOP.

>> [ MUTTERS UNHAPPILY ] >> OH, FROOT LOOP, I'M JUST

KIDDING.

WE'LL EAT CHENEY.

[ LAUGHING ] >> HELP!

I'VE FALLEN, AND I CAN'T GET UP!

I SAID I'VE FALLEN -- >> MedicAlert AT YOUR SERVICE!

>> OH, THANK GOODNESS.

YOU SEE, I'VE FALLEN, AND I CAN'T GET...

UH...

[ CLATTERING ] MISTER? SIR?

MY THINGS ARE -- WHAT ARE YOU DOI--

>> OVER THE YEARS, J.C. HAS LOST A LOT OF GIRLFRIENDS.

>> YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S WRONG FOR ANYBODY TO BE STONED.

>> WHAT A DOWNER.

>> BUT THERE'S ONE THING HE NEVER LOST.

>> JESUS CHRIST!

ARE YOU A VIRGIN?

>> OH, YOU ARE HILARIOUS.

WHO WANTS MORE OF MY BLOOD?

>> HOW CAN YOU GO 33 YEARS AND NOT HAVE SEX?

>> DUDE, MY DAD IS ALWAYS WATCHING.

>> WE GOT TO HELP THE MAN, HIGHLIGHT HIS ATTRIBUTES, GET

RID OF THAT PELT ON HIS CHEST.

>> OHH! JIM CAVIEZEL!

>> LET'S HANG ON TO THAT.

YOU GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE WHERE THERE'S LOTS OF GIRLS.

>> THIS SUMMER COMES A FILM THAT WILL TOUCH YOU...

>> HI, I'M MARY.

>> I'VE GOT HEALING HANDS.

>> OH, YEAH? SO DO I.

>> ...LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TOUCHED BEFORE.

>> OOH, LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE READY FOR A SECOND COMING.

LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY WITH A GOOD ARM TO PUT ME IN THE GRAVE.

THREE BALLS JUST TO PUT ME IN -- YEAH, LET THE BOY DO IT!

NO, NO, NO, NO! AW, DAMN IT.

WHAT ABOUT YOU, SIR?

WHAT ABOUT YOU, MISS?

>> SO, REMEMBER, KIDS, BE CAREFUL WHEN USING MATCHES.

>> SMOKEY?

>> YEAH, KID?

>> HOW DID YOU GET YOUR NAME?

>> WELL...

>> SMOKEY, YOU ALWAYS GOT THE BEST WEED!

>> HELLO, LITTLE PAW.

I SEE YOU.

HELLO-O-O.

>> THERE YOU ARE!

WE FINALLY GOT YOU, SMOKEY!

>> DOWNER PATROL.

DON'T TAKE ME NOW.

I JUST PUT A TURKEY IN THE OVEN.

>> TURKEY -- WHAT?

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY -- [ GASPS ] MY BABY!

[ GAVEL BANGS ] >> 7 MILLION HOURS OF COMMUNITY

SERVICE!

>> ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES.

[ SIGHS ] GOT MY NAME IN BETTER TIMES,

KID.

MUCH BETTER TIMES.

>> GREETINGS, HEROES!

SMILIN' STAN LEE HERE ALONG WITH STRIPPERELLA HERSELF, THE

PULCHRITUDINOUS PINUP PRINCESS PAM ANDERSON!

>> GET READY FOR THE HOTTEST SUPERHERO NEWS AND THE SEXIEST

SUPERHERO GOSSIP.

>> NO ONE BATTED AN EYE WHEN CAPTAIN AMERICA KILLED 10,000

NAZIS WITH HIS BARE HANDS.

BUT NOW A LITTLE COLLATERAL DAMAGE HAS CAP IN HOT WATER WITH

THE A.C.L.U.

>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ] >> INVESTMENTS!

>> OW!

>> AI!

>> [ YOWLS ] >> OH! AAH!

>> AH GA GA GOO!

WHA?!

>> OH, ALL THAT PAIN AND SUFFERING.

>> PAIN AND SUFFERING?

TRY WATCHING THE MOVIE "CATWOMAN."

ZING!

>> GALACTIC HISTORIAN THE WATCHER WAS ARRESTED

WEDNESDAY AFTER HIS EYES BIT OFF A CHECK HIS BUTT COULDN'T CASH.

>> BUT I'M THE WATCHER.

I WAS JUST WATCHING.

>> YOU'RE A BIG-HEADED PERVERT!

>> SAY, STAN, HAVE YOU HEARD OF PARIS HILTON?

>> SAY, PAM, EVER HUNG FROM A CEILING FAN WHILE YOUR PARTNER

SAT ON A PAINT MIXER?

>> THE HARD-PARTYING CELEBUTANTE HAS FOUND LOVE WITH THE

UNLIKELIEST OF PARTNERS, SUPERMAN'S EVIL OPPOSITE,

BIZARRO.

>> BIZARRO HATE PARIS!

HATE HER VERY LITTLE!

>> OH, ISN'T HE THE CUTEST?

>> PARIS CROTCH SMELL VERY SWEET!

PARIS VAGINA VERY TIGHT!

>> WHAT?

>> IN OTHER NEWS, ME NOT WANT BURY FACE IN PAM'S FUNBAGS!

>> UH...HE'S OFF-CARD AGAIN.

SHOULD I -- >> AFTER A LONG CAREER OF ABJECT

FAILURE AS THE JUSTICE LEAGUE'S MOST IMPOTENT MEMBER, AQUAMAN

FINALLY HAS A NEW CAREER.

>> OH, NO!

I'VE TRAPPED MY FOOT IN SOME SEAWEED!

HELP ME, MY AQUATIC COMRADES!

[ WHALE SHOUTING ] NOW!

[ WHALE GROANS ] >> AS A WHALING INDUSTRY

CONSULTANT, AQUAMAN'S NEW JOB NETS HIM A SIX-FIGURE INCOME,

FULL BENEFITS, AND ALL THE WHALE HE CAN EAT.

>> AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SUPER SPONSORS.

>> OH, I'M SO EMBARRASSED.

>> I WANT A DIVORCE.

>> DID SOMEBODY SAY FLACCID?

>> HOURMAN!

>> I WAS JUST PLAIN OLD REX TYLER UNTIL I DISCOVERED A

PILL THAT GAVE ME SUPERHUMAN ABILITIES FOR ONE FULL HOUR.

NOW, THANKS TO RIGIDOL, YOU CAN PUNCH OUT ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION

AND BECOME AN HOURMAN JUST LIKE ME!

>> WHOA!

>> OH, GOD!

YOU'RE MY HOURMAN, BABY!

YES! YES!

YES!

OH, BABY!

MERCIFUL HEAVENS!

>> OH, BABY, THAT'S IT!

>> OH! OH! OHH!

>> IF YOU BECOME FOUR-HOUR MAN, SEE A DOCTOR.

>> WHAT'S THE LATEST SUPERHERO GOSSIP?

>> I ASK THE QUESTIONS HERE, BOOBINATOR.

SO, WHAT'S THE LATEST SUPERHERO GOSSIP?

[ CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING ] PAPARAZZI NABBED SPIDER-MAN

EMERGING FROM THE HOME OF MISS MAY PARKER, AGE 77.

>> IS IT A "MAY"-DECEMBER ROMANCE?

A MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE?

ONE SPIDEY SUPERVILLAIN HAD A DIFFERENT TAKE.

>> TAKE THAT, SPIDER-MAN!

AND THAT!

>> I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT THAT HORRIBLE SPIDER-MAN!

I'M A WIDOW ON FIXED INCOME!

>> I READ THE TABLOIDS, SPIDER-MAN!

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

>> "OH! HO HO HO!

MY POOR OLD BROKEN HIP!" "HA HA HA!

I'LL GET YOU NOW!" "OKAY, SHOW'S OVER.

NOW LET ME SHOW YOU MY KUNG-FU GROPE."

"GET OFF ME, YOU CREEPY COMIC-BOOK GUY!"

[ SMOOCHING ] >> STAN, HONEY, DINNER'S GETTING

COLD!

>> ZOUNDS!

I'M CAUGHT!

BUT THEY'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE.

EXCELSIOR!

[ CRASHING ] >> STAN!

STAN!

>> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

BA-GAWK! BAWK.

>> STAN, WHO IS THE WATCHER?

>> THE WATCHER SITS ON THE MOON AND WATCHES THINGS, JUST LIKE

THE PUNISHER PUNISHES THINGS, AND THE SHOCKER --

>> MOVING ON!