Original subtitles

X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:9000

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ DRILLING, SAWING ]

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ] >> IT'S ALIVE!

>> AH, WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY TO MAKE COOKIES.

[ CRASHING, SCREAMING ] >> OH, MY GOD!

>> HIDE THE RECIPES!

>> OH, MY GOD!

>> OW! MY FOOT! MY FOOT!

[ CRYING ] >> YOU BASTARD!

[ WOLF HOWLING ] >> MOM! WHERE'S MY COSTUME?

>> HERE IT IS, RANDY.

A POWER RANGERS COSTUME, JUST LIKE YOU ASKED.

>> IT'S A GIRL'S COSTUME!

[ DOORBELL RINGS ] MY FRIENDS ARE HERE!

>> NOBODY CARES WHAT COLOR YOUR COSTUME IS.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> LOOK!

RANDY'S GOING AS ELTON JOHN THIS YEAR.

>> [BLEEP] YOU GUYS.

MOM, I NEED A TRICK-OR-TREAT BAG!

>> WE'RE OUT OF SHOPPING BAGS, HONEY.

JUST USE THIS.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> NICE PURSE, LADY!

>> HERE YOU ARE, LITTLE GIRL.

[ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT DOES IT!

I'M GOING HOME!

[ GRUNTS ] IT'S TOO SMALL.

I-I CAN'T GET IT OFF!

>> THIS IS THE GREATEST HALLOWEEN EVER!

>> IT'S ARMPIT! RUN!

>> [ LAUGHS ] COME HERE!

>> OW!

>> HEY, BABY.

YOU, ME -- GOING FOR A RIDE.

>> NO.

[ TIRES SCREECHING ] >> OH, NO.

ARMPIT'S GONNA RAPE RANDY.

[ SEATS SQUEAKING ] >> [ SOBBING ]

NOBODY...UNDERSTANDS ME!

I TRY TO FIT IN...BUT I'M FILLED WITH SO MUCH RAGE!

WHY DID MY SOCCER COACH DO THAT TO ME?

[ SOBBING ] [ WHIMPERING ]

YOU KNOW WHAT, SWEETHEART?

I DIDN'T EVEN GET YOUR NAME.

[ KNOCKING ] >> ARE YOU RANDY McCORMICK?

>> YES!

OH, THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE!

I'M RANDY McCORMICK!

>> RANDY McCORMICK?!

I'M GONNA KILL YOU, MAN!

[ SOBBING, TIRES SCREECHING ] >> RANDY, I'M AFRAID YOUR MOM'S

DEAD.

>> WHAT?!

>> IT WAS A FIRE, SON.

IT SEEMS ALL SHE HAD TIME TO DO WAS WRITE THIS NOTE SAYING SHE

NEVER LOVED YOU.

>> OH, NO!

>> RIGHT BEFORE SHE SHOT YOUR DOG.

HAVE A HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

[ CAR DOOR CLOSES ] [ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

>> COURT'S ADJOURNED.

[ SQUEAKS ] [ SQUEAKS ]

[ SQUEAKS ] [ SQUEAKING ]

>> I THINK WE'RE FRAKKED.

I CAN'T SEE ANY FRAKKING WAY WE CAN SURVIVE THIS FRAKKIN'

ASSAULT.

>> SORRY, SIR.

I NEED TO BE EXCUSED.

I GOT TO TAKE A SHART -- A MASSIVE, WET, SLOPPY, HUGE,

FRAKKIN' SHART.

>> SORRY I'M LATE, GUYS.

I WAS JUST HAVIN' ARNAL SEX IN THE LOCKER ROOM.

>> [ SPITS ] >> WHO THE FRAK JARKED OFF IN MY

FRAKKIN' COFFEE?!

>> WHAT THE [BLEEP] ARE THEY SAYING?

>> OH, IT IS EVER SO LONELY BEING THE LAST UNICORN.

WILL I EVER FIND A FRIEND?

>> YO!

[ NEIGHS ] >> OH, TO BE THE LAST UNICORN IS

A WOEFUL PLIGHT, INDEED.

>> BRET MATTHEWS, A NORMAL TEENAGER UNTIL HE CRASHED HIS

CAR INTO A SECRET GOVERNMENT MOLECULAR-TRANSFER RAY.

NOW, WHENEVER BRET GETS TOO HOT, HE BECOMES THE INCREDIBLE

TURBO TEEN.

>> [ GIGGLES ] OH, YEAH!

OH, YEAH!

DO ME, ALEX! DO ME!

ALEX, DO ME!

COME ON!

[ CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES ] ALEX, I'M WORRIED.

>> YOU AFRAID BRET'S GONNA FIND OUT HIS GIRL'S CHEATING ON HIM

WITH HIS BEST FRIEND?

>> NO, STUPID.

I'M WORRIED OUR SEX STAINS WON'T COME OUT OF THOSE LEATHER SEATS.

[ LAUGHS ] I LOVE BEING A SLUT!

>> DUDE, FREE CAR!

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ] [ TIRES SCREECHING ]

[ METAL CRUNCHING ] [ VOMITING ]

SORRY, DUDE.

[ METAL CRUNCHING ] [ LAUGHTER ]

>> LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

>> YEAH!

[ BRAKES SQUEALING ] [ DRILLING, HAMMERING ]

[ TIRES SCREECHING ] [ BRAKES SQUEALING ]

[ BEEPING ] >> AA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-H!

[ CRYING ] [ WHIMPERS ]

>> EASTER BUNNY! EASTER BUNNY!

I FOUND NINE EASTER EGGS AND A CHOCOLATE ONE!

I DIDN'T HIDE ANY CHOCOLATE EGGS.

>> GIVE IT UP, TRACY!

YOU'LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!

>> WASN'T PLANNING ON IT, PRUNEFACE.

IT'S FINAL CUT FOR YOU, FLATTOP.

[BLEEP] YOU, MUMBLES.

>> WOW, DICK!

YOU REALLY SHOWED THEM.

>> HA! I SURE DID, HORSEMOUTH.

>> UH, DO YOU NEED A RIDE BACK TO THE STATION?

>> NO, THANKS, BIG EARS.

I THINK I'LL WALK.

>> YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE IT EASY WITH THE NICKNAMES, TRACY.

CRIMINALS ARE FINE, BUT GUYS IN THE PRECINCT ARE TAKING IT

PERSONAL.

>> YOU DO THINGS YOUR WAY, MAN-BOOBS, I'LL DO THEM MINE.

HEY! HOW'S IT GOING, DEEPTHROAT?

>> HOW DOES HE KNOW?

>> UH...

>> I WAS TALKING TO YOU, BUDDY.

>> PAPER, MISTER?

>> NO, THANKS, PRE-PUBES.

>> SO THAT'S THE REASON THEY CALL YOU DICK.

>> YEAH.

THAT'S THE REASON.

>> RANDY McCORMICK!

RANDY McCORMICK!

I'M GONNA KILL YOU, MAN!

AA-A-A-A-A-H!

>> WISP, YOU MUST FOLLOW THE SPHERE OF LIGHT TO A LAND

WITHOUT COLOR AND RESCUE THE SEVEN COLOR KIDS.

ONCE THERE, YOU WILL BE FOREVER KNOWN AS RAINBOW BRITE.

WILL YOU ACCEPT THIS MISSION?

>> YES, I WILL!

>> THEN FOLLOW THE SPHERE OF LIGHT.

[ FLATLINE ] >> CALL IT.

>> TIME OF DEATH -- 4:15 P.M.

[ BOTH CRYING ] >> OH, NO, OUR CHILD!

>> MY BABY!

>> WE'LL NEVER MAKE ANOTHER.

>> SO, YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME VENOM DID THIS TO MASK

HEADQUARTERS?

>> UM...

YES?

>> MALARKEY, SCOTT.

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

>> UH...

[ TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS ] [ GLASS BREAKING ]

>> WHOO-HOO-HOO!

LOOK AT ME!

I'M IN MASK!

>> AA-A-A-A-A-H!

WHOA-OH!

>> THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

WHOO-HOO!

[ SMOOCHING ] >> YOU'RE GROUNDED, MISTER.

>> SUCH AN ASSHOLE!

[ CRYING ] >> HE'S NEVER HAD A MOTHER,

SATO.

>> SATO SAY GOOD WOMAN WILL DO 70 CHORES AROUND THE HOUSE --

COOKING AND 69.

>> OH, SATO, YOU'RE FANTASTICALLY OFFENSIVE.

>> A DATING WEBSITE?

THAT COULD BE A HUGE SECURITY RISK, MATT.

>> SORRY, HONDO.

I JUST DON'T MEET THAT MANY WOMEN.

>> WHY DON'T YOU JUST DATE GLORIA?

[ RATCHETING ] >> NAH.

I'M MORE OF A CHUBBY CHASER.

>> YEAH, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A BIG, HARD -- WAIT.

WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY CHUBBY?

[ BOTH LAUGH ] >> OH, MATT.

[ CAR ALARM DEACTIVATES ] WOW!

BITCHIN' CAR!

>> YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET.

>> MADRE DE DIOS!

[ R&B MUSIC PLAYS ] >> DANG!

DOES EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE TRANSFORM?

>> YEAH.

WATCH THIS, BABY.

>> WOW!

MMM! [ GIGGLES ] MMM!

SO ALL Y'ALL HAVE MASKS, HUH?

DON'T I GET A MASK?

>> YEAH, YOU SURE DO.

>> [ LAUGHING, SNORTING ] >> DARLENE'S PREGNANT, SATO!

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

>> SATO SAY SHOTGUN WEDDING IS CASE OF WIFE OR DEATH.

[ "WEDDING MARCH" PLAYS ] >> [ SIGHS ]

I DO.

>> THEN BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME, I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND

WIFE.

>> [ CRYING ] >> YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.

>> NOW!

>> OH, MY GOD.

MILES MAYHEM?!

>> HE'S THE LEADER OF VENOM.

>> HA HA HA!

THE JOKE'S ON YOU, TRAKKER!

[ CRASHING ] NOW I HAVE ALL YOUR SECRETS,

MASK!

VENOM LEGALLY OWNS HALF YOUR [BLEEP]

JUST TRY AND DIVORCE ME!

>> BUT I PUT MY -- YOU PUT YOUR...

OH, MY GOD.

>> SATO SAY GAY DINOSAUR CALLED MEGA-SORE-ASS.

>> YOU'LL HAVE TO BATHE YOURSELF FROM NOW ON, SCOTT TRAKKER!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ] >> MOM?

>> WHAT A PLAN!

NOTHING CAN STOP US NOW!

>> YEAH.

BUT WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN EASIER TO SEND ME INSTEAD?

I MEAN, I'M AN ACTUAL CHICK.

>> SILENCE!

[ SIGHS ] >> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-GAWK! BAWK.

>> GRR. ARGH.

>> BLAMO!

>> ARRGH!

>> IT WON'T DIE.

NO-O-O-O!

>> GRR! ARGH!

>> AAH! AAH!

>> GRR!

>> MY BABY!

AAH! [ GURGLING ] OH! AAH! OHH!

OH, THERE IS NO GOD!

>> COME ON, JOSS.

THAT'S WHY YOU GOT KICKED OFF "WONDER WOMAN."

>> GRR! ARGH!