Original subtitles

X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:9000

>> PREVIOUSLY ON "ROBOT CHICKEN," Y'ALL...

>> NOT ENOUGH OF YOU HAVE BEEN CALLING IN TO SUPPORT US GETTING

A THIRD SEASON, BUT WE'RE GONNA CHANGE ALL THAT RIGHT NOW.

MATT, GIVE ME THE -- OH! YOU SHOT THE BLOOPERS HOST!

>> SETH, LISTEN -- THEY LIKE THE VIOLENCE.

[ GUN COCKS, FIRES ] >> OH! WE CAN'T HAVE A THIRD

SEASON IF WE DON'T HAVE ANY WRITERS!

>> THEY LOVE US!

VIOLENCE! BLEEDING!

[ GUNSHOTS ] DIE!

DIE!

[ THUNDER CRASHING ] [ WOLF HOWLING ]

>> RATINGS ARE THROUGH THE ROOF, BITCHES.

WE'RE FIXING TO RENEW Y'ALL.

>> THAT'S WHAT THE [BLEEP] I'M TALKING ABOUT!

>> BUT AT WHAT COST?

>> YOU SAY SOMETHING, KEITH?

>> NO, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

AAH!

>> GRAVY CORN BREAD!

>> HOLY [BLEEP] ASS CRACKERS!

>> OH [BLEEP] >> COME ON, COME ON!

COME ON!

>> AAAAAH!

[ ALL GROANING ] >> DANG IT, WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

>> I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

>> AAH! YOU RATTLESNAKE!

AAH! OHH!

>> YES!

[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ] N-O-O-O-O!

[ ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYS ] N-O-O-O-O!

[ ALL GROANING ] [ CELLPHONE RINGS TO THE TUNE OF

"THRILLER"-LIKE MUSIC ] OH, WAIT A SECOND.

OH, IT'S JUST MOM.

[ MUSIC INTENSIFIES ] [ MUSIC STOPS ]

NO!

[ ALL GROANING ] L-L-LOOK AT THE NEW CONTRACT!

WE GET HEALTH BENEFITS!

OH, NO, GOD, PLEASE DON'T EAT MY BRAINS.

>> [ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ] >> [ SIGHS ]

IT SMELLS LIKE WET GARBAGE IN HERE.

>> YO, WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT FOR LUNCH TODAY?

>> BRAINS!

>> SUBWAY!

>> BRAINS IT IS.

>> OH, I HATE BRAINS.

>> WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND.

>> WHERE ALL YOUR FANTASIES WILL COME TRUE!

>> THEN WHY ARE YOU A MIDGET?

>> FLASH GORDON!

THE PHANTOM!

MANDRAKE THE MAGICIAN!

THESE THREE HEROES, UNITED BY A QUEST FOR JUSTICE AND THE

COINCIDENCE THAT THEY'RE ALL OWNED BY KING FEATURES

SYNDICATE, NOW DEFEND THE EARTH AS THE DEFENDERS OF THE EARTH!

>> [ Echoing ] EARTH!

>> WHAM! HA HA!

TAKE THAT!

>> OW! OW! OW!

>> WATCH ME PULL SOME KICK-ASS OUT OF MY HAT!

NOW YOU SEE ME, NOW YOU DON'T!

>> AAH! I ACTUALLY LIVE ON THIS BLOCK!

>> All: DEFENDERS OF THE EARTH!

>> HELP! DEFENDERS OF THE EARTH, A KILLER ASTEROID'S ABOUT TO

WIPE US OUT!

>> UH...

WE'RE JUST THE NEIGHBORHOOD-WATCH ASSOCIATION.

>> THE MOST BAD-ASS NEIGHBORHOOD-WATCH ASSOCIATION

ON THE EAST SIDE.

>> BOO-YAH!

>> THAT WHOLE EARTH/ASTEROID THING?

NOT REALLY OUR BAG.

BUT LOOK!

THERE'S A QUARTER IN YOUR EAR!

[ GASPS ] >> BUT YOU'RE THE DEFENDERS OF

THE EARTH.

>> WELL, PART OF THE EARTH -- IF YOU LIVE ON BRENNER DRIVE

BETWEEN WELLS AVENUE AND ROUTE 9W.

>> TO THE CUL-DE-SAC!

>> All: DEFENDERS OF THE EARTH!

>> BUT -- BUT -- THE...EARTH...

[ EXHALING ] >> ♪ SHOUT ON ♪

>> DAMN LIGHT!

>> ♪ SHOUT OFF ♪ >> [BLEEP] TELEVISION!

>> ♪ THE SHOUTER ♪ >> LET'S YOU TURN ANYTHING ON

AND OFF FROM ANYWHERE IN THE ROOM WITH A HIGH-VOLUME

VOCALIZATION.

>> BULL [BLEEP] WEATHER!

>> JUST PLUG IT IN TO CONTROL THE LIGHTS, TV -- ALMOST

ANYTHING.

>> ♪ SHOUT ON ♪ >> [BLEEP] CHRISTMAS!

>> ♪ SHOUT OFF ♪ >> KILL MYSELF!

>> ♪ SHOUT ON, SHOUT OFF ♪ >> MY KIDS LEFT ME ALONE TO DIE!

>> ♪ THE SHOUTER ♪ >> WHEW! IT'LL BE NICE TO HAVE

THIS ULTIMATE DEATH RAY FINISHED.

>> LET'S JUST HOPE IT DOESN'T FALL INTO THE WRONG HANDS.

>> WANT TO HIT QUIZNO'S?

>> WORD.

>> AWESOME.

>> MEGATRON, THE ULTIMATE DEATH RAY IS ALMOST COMPLETE.

>> EXCELLENT, SOUNDWAVE.

NOW MONITOR THEIR PROGRESS BY HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT!

>> UNDERSTOOD.

>> JUST LET ME GRAB MY WALLET.

>> OH, YOU'D FORGET YOUR TESTICLES IF THEY WEREN'T

TETHERED BY THE VAS DEFERENS TO YOUR SEMINAL VESICLE.

[ LAUGHS ] >> HEY, LOOK AT THIS THING.

>> WHO'S GOT A BOOM BOX ANYMORE?

>> HEY, LOOK AT ME!

I'M LL COOL J, HUH?

ELECTRIC BOOGALOO!

>> CHIKA-CHIKA TAM BAM!

>> OH, WHAT'S THAT?

>> OH, MY FREAKIN' GOD, IT'S A MIX TAPE!

>> LAME! WOW!

HEY, WHAT'D YOU DO THIS SUMMER?

>> I TOTALLY CRIED MY EYES OUT, AND THEN I MASTURBATED.

MY GOD!

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS ACTUALLY USED TO BE A VIABLE FORMAT?

>> LOOK AT ME -- STREAMERS!

I'M A CLOWN!

>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

>> RUMBLE!

YOU'RE KILLING RUMBLE!

>> IF BY "RUMBLE" YOU MEAN "YOUR WEAK-ASS MIX TAPE OF PUSSY

PUSSNESS," THEN I GUESS WE ARE.

>> RUMBLE, TRANSFORM!

TRANSFORM!

OH, N-O-O-O-O-O!

>> HEY, THIS THING RUNS ON "D" BATTERIES.

>> [ LAUGHS ] JUST LIKE YOUR WIFE'S VIBRATOR.

>> SOUNDWAVE HASN'T REPORTED BACK IN DAYS.

WHERE CAN HE BE?

>> MEGATRON, I THINK I FOUND HIM.

>> eBay?

>> REQUEST PERMISSION TO BUY IT NOW.

[ ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS ] >> AND GOOD DAY TO YOU.

BREAKING NEWS FROM SPACE.

AS THE NEW RIDE AT LAS VEGAS' "STAR TREK: EXPERIENCE" --

>> WHAT'S UP, DICKSTAIN?

>> GET OUT OF HERE, MUNSON!

I'M DOING MY SHOW!

>> OH, YEAH!

WHAT'S IT CALLED AGAIN -- "GAY NEWS FOR HOMOS ABOUT PENIS

WHO LOVES DICK AND ARE AFRAID OF VAGINA AND GREW UP IN

WEST VAGINA AND ARE KIND OF AFRAID OF IT AND ALSO GREW UP IN

"PENIS-BRASKA"?

>> NO, IT'S CALLED THE "GYRO-ROBO NEWS--"

>> ♪ TWO SCOOPS OF PENIS ARE THE REASON YOU'RE A SUPERFAG ♪

>> STOP IT!

>> OH HO!

NOW, TELL THE NICE VIEWERS HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THE SMELL OF YOUR

OWN FARTS!

SAY IT!

OH, IT GETS TIGHTER!

SAY IT!

>> OKAY, OKAY!

I LOVE THE SMELL OF MY OWN FARTS!

[ INHALES ] I LOVE FARTS!

>> HA HA! LOSER!

YOU GOT MUNSONED!

>> [ BREATHING HEAVILY ] >> I'M YOUR REAL DAD!

>> AND IN OTHER NEWS -- >> DANIEL, SWEETY --

>> MOM, I AM DOING MY SHOW!

>> OH, WELL, IT MIGHT BE TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL BREAK.

>> NO, IT IS NOT!

>> I MADE SNICKERDOODLES.

>> WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THESE MESSAGES.

>> [ GASPS ] ALPHA PSI BODEGA?!

>> NUH-UNH!

>> Both: ALPHA PSI! DO OR DIE!

GUNG HO! GUNG HO!

UNH! HUNH! UNH! HUNH!

UNH! HUNH! UNH! HUNH! UNH!

OW! OW! OW!

>> SO, UH...YOU LIKE BASKETBALL?

>> AND NOW, ADAM, IT IS UNTO YE TO NAME ALL THE ANIMALS OF THE

EARTH.

>> I'M ON IT.

I'M GONNA CALL YOU A HORSE.

AND YOU'LL BE A BEAR.

>> HEY, ADAM!

>> OH, HEY, STEVE.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WALKED INTO A SITUATION, DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON, BUT I WANT

TO BE PART OF IT!

>> EH, NOTHING.

JUST NAMING ALL THE BEASTS OF THE EARTH.

>> OOH! LET'S CALL THAT ONE A PEACOCK!

>> STEVE, STEVE -- >> [ LAUGHS ] AND THAT'LL BE A

SWALLOW!

>> STEVE, PLEASE, DON'T -- >> AND THAT'S A RAMBURGLAR!

[ SPINNER CLACKING ] >> ♪ BE A WINNER AT THE GAME OF

LIFE ♪ >> A LETTER FROM THE ADMISSIONS

OFFICE?

MY LIFE STARTS NOW!

[ SPINNER CLACKING ] REJECTED?

FIDDLESTICKS!

>> ♪ DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE GAME OF LIFE ♪

>> THAT'S THE LAST TRAY OF IMITATION MEAT PATTIES YOU'LL

RUIN!

YOU'RE FIRED!

>> ISN'T THERE ANYTHING I COULD DO TO SAVE MY JOB?

[ SPINNER CLACKING ] >> YES. THERE IS.

[ BOTH MOANING PASSIONATELY ] >> OH, I REALLY...NEED...

THIS...JOB!

>> WORK IT OFF!

YOU'RE KEEPING YOUR JOB!

>> ♪ SEX FOR FAVORS IN THE GAME OF LIFE ♪

>> GOD, PLEASE...PLEASE...

[ SPINNER CLACKING ] NO!

OH, GOD, WHY?!

>> ♪ BROKEN CONDOMS IN THE GAME OF LIFE ♪

>> COME ON, HONEY.

ONE LAST BIG PUSH.

>> AA-A-A-A-H!

[ SPINNER CLACKING ] >> OH, SHOOT!

>> ♪ START A FAMILY IN THE GAME OF LIFE ♪

>> GOD, ANOTHER INTERVIEW YOU'VE BLOWN?

WE CAN'T ALL LIVE ON BEER, YOU KNOW?

>> YOU'RE GONNA SHUT...YOUR...

BIG...MOUTH...ONCE...AND...

FOR...ALL...STUPID...BITCH!

>> I'M SORRY!

[ SPINNER CLACKING ] [ GUNSHOT ]

>> ♪ KILL YOUR HUSBAND IN THE GAME OF LIFE ♪

[ SIRENS WAILING ] >> [BLEEP] SPINNER.

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ] >> Shh!

>> Shh!

>> [ HISSING ] >> [ HISSING ]

>> [ HISSING ] >> [ HISSING ]

>> AND NOW A MESSAGE FROM YOUR GOVERNOR.

>> GOOD EVENING.

AS YOU KNOW, I HAVE DEALT WITH MANY ALIENS IN THE PAST, BUT NOW

YOU CRITICIZE ME ABOUT THE MEXICO ALIEN.

HERE, I SHOW YOU HOW THE GREAT STATE OF CALIFORNIA HAS DEALT

WITH THE MEXICO BORDER ISSUE.

HERE WE HAVE THE HIGH-TECH BORDER FENCE WITH THE HIGHLY

TRAINED BORDER GUARD, WHO WILL EXPLAIN FURTHER.

>> PEOPLE RUNNIN' ACROSS THE BORDER WAS A PROBLEM, BUT THESE

NEW SYSTEMS ARE IMPREGNABLE.

>> EYPA, EYPA! iANDALE, ANDALE!

iARRIBA, ARRIBA!

EE-YAH!

>> S-S-SON OF A BITCH.

>> CRACKING DOWN ON THE CRIMES WILL DISCOURAGE THE IMMIGRANTS

FROM COMING HERE ILLEGALLY.

>> THAT'S HIM!

HE DREW A "Z" ON MY WALL.

>> YES, RIGHT AFTER I BROKE UP A ROBBERY!

I'M A [BLEEP] HERO!

AAH! [BLEEP] TU MADRE!

>> WE MUST STOP THE HIRING OF THE ILLEGAL ALIENS.

I ASKED FOR THIS WATER AN HOUR AGO!

YOU ARE TOO SLOW!

>> SLOW?

BUT MI NOMBRE ES SLOWPOKE RODRIGUEZ.

>> YOU, THE SECURITY PEOPLE, TAKE THE MOUSE AND DEPORT HIM!

>> NO, SEÑOR!

THEY'LL EXECUTE ME IN MI COUNTRY.

YOU ARE KILLING ME!

YOU ARE KILLING ME!

>> BUT WE ARE ALSO COMPASSIONATE FOR THE CHILDREN FOUND AT THE

BORDER.

>> WE FOUND THIS LITTLE GIRL WANDERING AROUND WITH NO

PARENTAL SUPERVISION.

>> SOY UN EXPLORER!

ESTOY EN UNA ADVENTURA MAGNíFICO CON MI AMIGO BOOTS!

>> WHICH WE DEALT WITH PER CDC REGULATIONS.

[ BONES CRACKING ] >> AND HERE IS THE LATEST HERO

TO FIGHT THE ILLEGAL BORDER CRIME -- SUPERMAN!

>> THANK YOU, GOVERNOR.

WE SUPER FRIENDS HAD NO IDEA THAT EL DORADO WAS AN ILLEGAL

WHEN WE LET HIM JOIN OUR RANKS.

I'M ON MY WAY TO DEPORT HIM RIGHT NOW.

>> YEAH, YEAH, GOOD JOB WITH THAT SUPERMAN THING GOING ON

THERE.

AND HOW DID YOU COME TO THIS GREAT COUNTRY YOURSELF?

[ CRASHING ] GOTT IN HIMMEL!

>> SIR, IF YOU HAVE A MOMENT, I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT HOW YOU GOT

INTO THIS COUNTRY.

>> UP, UP, AND AWAY!

[ CRASHING ] >> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪

♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪ ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK

BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-GAWK! BAWK.

BAWK BAWK ♪ BA-GAWK! BAWK.