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1
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:06,106
[captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group]
2
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:17,951
[evil laughter]
[whirring noise]
3
00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:28,628
>> it's alive!
4
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:39,005
[evil laughter]
>> I just can't do a thing
5
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:39,839
With it.
6
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:43,877
[hissing]
>> hey, guys, going on a
7
00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:44,611
Mission?
8
00:00:44,677 --> 00:00:45,412
Can I come?
9
00:00:45,478 --> 00:00:46,946
>> sorry, snow job.
10
00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:48,948
This mission doesn't require
Skis.
11
00:00:49,015 --> 00:00:51,551
>> wearing a blindingly white
Outfit in the middle of jungle
12
00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:55,655
Warfare makes you a very
Shootable target, man.
13
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,690
>> bunch of g.I. Jerks.
14
00:00:57,757 --> 00:00:58,992
Those guys suck.
15
00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:02,162
Someday I'll show them how much
I rock.
16
00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:04,063
>> attention, g.I. Joe!
17
00:01:04,129 --> 00:01:06,800
I am samuel schmid, president
Of switzerland.
18
00:01:06,866 --> 00:01:09,469
The swiss alps, they have been
Overrun by yeti!
19
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:10,336
>> just one yeti?
20
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:11,004
>> yeti!
21
00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:11,805
Yetis!
22
00:01:11,871 --> 00:01:12,939
Whatever the plural is.
23
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:14,073
We need your help!
24
00:01:14,140 --> 00:01:16,543
>> sounds like a go job for
Snow job!
25
00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:17,610
>> that's awful.
26
00:01:17,676 --> 00:01:20,947
>> yeah, I gotta work on that.
27
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:26,319
[barking]
Whoo-hoo!
28
00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:28,888
This must be the swiss capitol
Building.
29
00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:29,789
But I don't see any yeti.
30
00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:31,624
Er, yetis.
31
00:01:31,691 --> 00:01:32,592
Yeti?
32
00:01:32,658 --> 00:01:34,761
I don't see anyone!
33
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:35,462
Ow!
34
00:01:35,527 --> 00:01:40,700
What--
[laughter]
35
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,235
>> oh, snow job, you idiot.
36
00:01:42,301 --> 00:01:44,170
>> snow job, you'll believe
Anything!
37
00:01:44,237 --> 00:01:45,271
>> ha ha ha!
38
00:01:45,338 --> 00:01:46,172
Retard!
39
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:48,174
Ha ha ha!
40
00:01:48,241 --> 00:01:50,977
>> hey, soldier, sorry about
That practical joke.
41
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,612
>> please forgive us, snowy
Dealings.
42
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:54,681
We were careless with your
Feelings.
43
00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:55,348
>> whatever.
44
00:01:55,414 --> 00:01:56,015
I don't care.
45
00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:56,683
>> did you see?
46
00:01:56,749 --> 00:01:57,851
It's snowing outside!
47
00:01:57,917 --> 00:01:58,518
>> really?
48
00:01:58,585 --> 00:01:59,185
>> yup.
49
00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:00,920
We have a mission for you.
50
00:02:00,987 --> 00:02:02,689
>> awesome!
51
00:02:02,755 --> 00:02:05,191
Son of a bitch.
52
00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:06,526
>> now just hold still.
53
00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:12,298
This won't hurt--
[hissing]
54
00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:13,600
>> uh, guys?
55
00:02:13,666 --> 00:02:25,945
I don't think that flying monkey
Road kill is sitting so well.
56
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:37,857
[whistle]
>> so how long have you two
57
00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:42,328
Been--
>> a while, ok?
58
00:02:42,395 --> 00:02:44,329
>> you're a big hand now, thing.
59
00:02:44,397 --> 00:02:47,100
I think it's time you went and
Made it on your own.
60
00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:52,639
>> I'm sorry, thing, old man.
61
00:02:52,704 --> 00:02:57,644
[truck horn]
>> I've got to hand it to you,
62
00:02:57,710 --> 00:03:00,880
Mr. Thing, your resume is very
Impressive.
63
00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:03,983
Massage therapy, palm reading,
Ensemble in "Annie."
64
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:07,253
I'm willing to give you a shot,
Kid.
65
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,755
>> hey, thing.
66
00:03:08,821 --> 00:03:11,758
Let me introduce allison from
Accounting.
67
00:03:11,824 --> 00:03:15,395
She needs a ride home tonight,
If you can handle it.
68
00:03:15,461 --> 00:03:19,165
[chuckling]
>> oh, thing.
69
00:03:19,232 --> 00:03:21,034
Oh, thing!
70
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:22,936
It's not you, thing, it's me.
71
00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:25,271
I want to have children someday,
And you don't have reproductive
72
00:03:25,338 --> 00:03:26,204
Organs.
73
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:36,249
I'm sorry.
74
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:41,788
I'm sorry.
75
00:03:41,853 --> 00:03:50,797
[clatter]
>> hey, thing.
76
00:03:50,863 --> 00:03:53,666
Sorry things didn't work out
With allison.
77
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,335
No pun intended.
78
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:58,871
But I'd like to introduce you to
The new girl from accounting.
79
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:02,408
Thing, emma jig.
80
00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:07,146
[chuckling]
>> thing, emma jig, I now
81
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:10,049
Pronounce you hand and hand.
82
00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:14,053
[cheering]
>> how are they going to, you
83
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,588
Know, do it?
84
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:18,858
♪ get funky with your fingers ♪
♪ funky with your fingers ♪
85
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:22,262
♪ baby ♪
♪ funky with your fingers ♪
86
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:32,305
[yelling and whistling]
[laughter]
87
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:39,278
[yelling and whistling]
[laughter]
88
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:40,580
>> ahh!
89
00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:43,683
>> hey, what are you supposed to
Be, a leprechaun or something?
90
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,685
>> oh, sure, you got that right,
Lad.
91
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:47,053
One of the wee folk.
92
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,823
A natural-born son of beautiful
Mother ireland.
93
00:04:50,890 --> 00:04:52,291
>> uh-huh, ok.
94
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,994
>> [burps]
>> so if I catch you, do I get
95
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:55,662
Your pot of gold?
96
00:04:55,728 --> 00:04:56,596
>> of course, me lad.
97
00:04:56,663 --> 00:05:01,034
A pot of gold for anyone who
Can catch--
98
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,602
Oh, bollocks.
99
00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:05,038
Bartender, another beer, if
You--
100
00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:06,305
>> check it out, guys!
101
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:08,274
It's a real live leprechaun!
102
00:05:08,341 --> 00:05:10,076
He's giving out real gold!
103
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,611
Look, I got some.
104
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:16,182
>> oh, bollocks!
105
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:20,319
>> no!!
106
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:21,788
>> damn that carney!
107
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:23,423
>> what are we going to do?
108
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:25,258
>> I've got an idea.
109
00:05:25,324 --> 00:05:30,029
[cheering]
>> hey!
110
00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:32,799
Why did I get a pot of crap?
111
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:35,001
>> that will put an end to that.
112
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,036
>> welcome to the memory game!
113
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,005
Let's bring out our first
Contestant.
114
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:42,475
>> hi, I'm charles, and I'm from
Toronto, ontario, canada.
115
00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:43,643
Yeah!
116
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:47,380
>> charles, are you ready to
Enter the hall of memory?
117
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:48,147
>> I am!
118
00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:52,852
>> then let's play!
119
00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:54,687
>> so what am I supposed to--ow!
120
00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:57,123
>> oh, too bad, charles.
121
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,992
All right, let's bring out our
Next contestant, hugh!
122
00:06:00,059 --> 00:06:01,160
>> hi, I'm hugh.
123
00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:02,829
And I don't want to play
Anymore.
124
00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:05,364
>> hugh, get on in there.
125
00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:06,999
Way to use your memory.
126
00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:09,102
Hugh remembered that arrow.
127
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:10,036
>> unh!
128
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,571
>> oh, you've got to watch those
Spikes.
129
00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,106
Here goes martha!
130
00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:15,174
She ducks the arrows, and jumps
The spikes.
131
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:16,442
She avoids the falling rock.
132
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:19,479
Now she swings over the molten
Lava!
133
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:20,546
There's that hidden axe.
134
00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:23,582
That makes fighting that
Skeleton so much easier.
135
00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:25,485
Quickly through the poison gas.
136
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,386
And she's over those pesky
Saw blades!
137
00:06:27,453 --> 00:06:30,123
Martha eats the brownie that's
Not filled with laxative.
138
00:06:30,189 --> 00:06:32,457
And she's over to the giant
Piano!
139
00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:34,460
"Greensleeves," that's it!
140
00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:35,394
She's done it!
141
00:06:35,461 --> 00:06:36,629
>> yay, I did it!
142
00:06:36,696 --> 00:06:37,330
Yeah!
143
00:06:37,396 --> 00:06:38,498
Whoo!
144
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:41,267
>> congratulations, martha!
145
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,002
Are you ready to collect your
Prize?
146
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,003
>> yes, I am!
147
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:44,971
>> great!
148
00:06:45,037 --> 00:06:47,106
It's right over there!
149
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:47,774
>> uh...
150
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:48,741
>> what's wrong?
151
00:06:48,808 --> 00:06:50,576
Go on, claim your prize.
152
00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:51,511
>> I...Ok!
153
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:54,881
[cheering]
>> now you just have to escape
154
00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:55,681
With it!
155
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:56,449
>> what?
156
00:06:56,516 --> 00:07:02,855
Aah!
157
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:03,890
>> wow!
158
00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:05,625
A black stallion!
159
00:07:05,691 --> 00:07:07,360
What a beautiful horse!
160
00:07:07,426 --> 00:07:08,227
>> wassup, son?
161
00:07:08,294 --> 00:07:09,529
>> you can talk?!
162
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:12,198
>> oh, you think because I'm a
"Black" stallion that I can't
163
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,299
Talk?
164
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,535
You think I'm stupid or
Uneducated or something?
165
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:18,771
>> no, I just--it's just--
Horses don't usually--
166
00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:19,572
>> racist!
167
00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:27,380
[boat horn]
[panting]
168
00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:28,381
>> look, black stallion!
169
00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:29,982
I caught a wild rooster!
170
00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:31,117
>> well, about damn time!
171
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,784
I'm starving up in this mug,
Man.
172
00:07:32,852 --> 00:07:34,020
>> should I fry it up?
173
00:07:34,086 --> 00:07:36,088
>> oh, you think 'cause I'm a
"Black" stallion that I like
174
00:07:36,155 --> 00:07:36,756
Fried chicken.
175
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:38,124
Oh, yes, massa!
176
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:39,058
Yeah!
177
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,827
Can I get me some fried chicken,
Please?
178
00:07:40,893 --> 00:07:42,595
Ooh!
179
00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:43,830
>> no, no!
180
00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:48,433
I just--no, I mean--I meant--
[sighs]
181
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:49,702
Never mind.
182
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:50,803
>> racist.
183
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:53,840
>> black stallion, I found a
Source of fresh water!
184
00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:55,508
>> that's not the black
Stallion.
185
00:07:55,575 --> 00:07:57,143
I'm the black stallion.
186
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,345
What, you think all black horses
Look the same?
187
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:02,949
We all just one big race of
Black stallions to you, aren't
188
00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:04,083
We?
189
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:05,685
>> no, no, I just--I didn't--
I thought there were--
190
00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:07,420
>> you probably can't even
Dance, honky.
191
00:08:07,486 --> 00:08:08,888
>> I can too dance!
192
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:10,556
Watch!
193
00:08:10,623 --> 00:08:20,600
[hip-hop music playing]
>> oh, snap!
194
00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:25,972
[hip-hop music playing]
>> oh, snap!
195
00:08:26,038 --> 00:08:27,306
>> see, black stallion?
196
00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:30,309
We both have misconceptions and
Misunderstandings.
197
00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:32,345
And you can be a racist, too.
198
00:08:32,411 --> 00:08:35,648
>> little white boy, you have
Taught me a lot about myself and
199
00:08:35,715 --> 00:08:36,816
Race relations.
200
00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:38,885
I love you.
201
00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:39,719
>> kids!
202
00:08:39,784 --> 00:08:42,421
Come inside for hot cocoa.
203
00:08:42,488 --> 00:08:43,422
Have you guys seen billy?
204
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:53,432
>> no.
205
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:54,667
>> detective oprah!
206
00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:57,303
You're going to go after the
Biggest crime boss in chicago,
207
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,907
So you'll need a no-nonsense
Partner with a no-nonsense
208
00:09:00,973 --> 00:09:01,674
Moustache.
209
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:02,742
Meet dr. Phil.
210
00:09:02,808 --> 00:09:03,876
>> come on, oprah.
211
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:05,278
It's time to get real.
212
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:07,713
>> I'm aging too gracefully for
This [beep].
213
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,283
That's the big boss'
Right-hand man, salvador.
214
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:13,219
If I can get 5 million white
Trash housewives to read "War
215
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,521
And peace," I can get this guy
To talk.
216
00:09:15,588 --> 00:09:17,189
>> let me try something, oprah.
217
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:18,557
Hey, listen, salvador?
218
00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:22,528
You show 8 out of 9 signs of
Being a criminal psychopath.
219
00:09:22,595 --> 00:09:25,731
But a new day is just waiting
Around the corner.
220
00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:27,400
We'll be right back after this
Commercial--
221
00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:30,069
[gunfire]
>> who the [beep] Are you?
222
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:31,404
And what [beep] Did you just
Say?
223
00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:32,838
>> I think he's really opening
Up.
224
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,540
>> yeah, opening up a can of
Whoop-ass!
225
00:09:35,608 --> 00:09:38,411
Salvador, I think a lot of this
Anger is stemming from the
226
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:39,845
Relationship with your father.
227
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,280
I'd like to bring him out here.
228
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:42,848
Come on out, dad.
229
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,250
>> papa?!
230
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,351
How did you...?
231
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,987
But you don't have enough money
To fly from italy.
232
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:50,056
>> all guests of "The oprah
Winfrey show" fly first class on
233
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:51,190
Delta airlines.
234
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:53,726
>> papa!
235
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,728
Papa!
236
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:58,130
>> take 'em down!
237
00:09:58,197 --> 00:10:00,399
>> oh, papa!
238
00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:03,069
>> if you rat on your boss,
We'll give you a 64-inch high
239
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:05,571
Definition plasma tv from
Samsung.
240
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:07,573
>> that's just a refurbished
Floor model!
241
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:08,674
You go to hell!
242
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:10,209
>> tell me about your childhood.
243
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:12,511
Did someone touch you as a kid?
244
00:10:12,578 --> 00:10:15,781
That is wrong, but it's not your
Fault.
245
00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:17,216
I care about you.
246
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:18,250
>> uh...
247
00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:21,420
The boss, he hangs out behind
The bowling alley.
248
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:22,421
>> book 'em, oprah.
249
00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:24,824
>> time for you fools to join
My book club.
250
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:27,626
The first book is a story about
A sucker.
251
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:30,062
>> oprah, I'm already a member
Of your book--
252
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,897
>> I would love to kick your
Ass!
253
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:33,065
>> stay back.
254
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:35,401
I don't trust you cops further
Than I could throw you.
255
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,770
>> well, then, let's try a trust
Exercise.
256
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:39,739
You fall back into my arms.
257
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,907
Trust me, I won't harm you.
258
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,075
>> ok.
259
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:46,312
>> but they will.
260
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:48,748
>> you may have caught me, but
You have no proof I ever killed
261
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:49,415
Anybody.
262
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:50,316
>> oh, yeah?
263
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,818
Look under your chair.
264
00:10:52,885 --> 00:10:58,157
[cheering]
[screaming]
265
00:10:58,224 --> 00:11:00,192
>> in hindsight, that was
A mistake.
266
00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:01,193
>> well, you're right, oprah.
267
00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:02,595
You always are.
268
00:11:02,661 --> 00:11:05,598
[chicken clucking
As though singing]
269
00:11:05,664 --> 00:11:09,602
[captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group]
270
00:11:09,668 --> 00:11:10,936
[captioned by the national
Captioning institute
271
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:12,004
--www.Ncicap.Org--]
18348
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