Original subtitles

Robot chicken 35 "The munnery" [captioning made possible by

Turner entertainment group] [tools whirring]

>> it's alive!

>> heh heh heh heh!

>> mom! I found dad!

>> the united states navy, Battling a new foe--

Low recruitment.

So remember "Don't ask, Don't tell"?

Now we're more "Don't ask" Than ever before.

When they write your life story, Will anyone want to read it?

Then put a chapter in there About having sex with a man

On a submarine.

That would be a neat book.

Booyah. The navy.

>> kneel before zod.

Lay down on your backs Before zod.

Now, using your lower Abdominals, raise your legs and

Hold on a 5-count before zod.

1 before zod, 2 before zod, 3 before zod...

>> there's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like-- [wind blowing]

>> oh, crap!

This isn't what I meant.

>> well, tan my hide.

Look who's come home.

Dwayne, get on out here And see what the cat drug in.

>> why, rita, I-- Aw! My little girl

Has finally come back to me.

[sniffs] You look good, child.

>> there's no place like Auntie em and uncle henry's.

There's no place like Auntie em and uncle henry's.

>> coming this fall From the creators of "Monk,"

Everyone's parents' favorite Obsessive-compulsive detective,

Comes "Cork," america's first Mentally challenged

Crime sleuth.

>> it's anica dorsey, The bank teller.

We're all out of leads, cork.

What do you make Of the situation?

>> ha ha! I'm a tornado!

I'm a tornado! Ha ha ha!

[crying loudly] >> it's a wedding band.

This young man just found Our first clue.

>> good job, cork.

>> no more gym class.

[stammering] >> what is it, cork?

>> [stammering] >> is it a widow and her

Boyfriend trying to cash in On her late husband's

Insurance policy?

>> nah.

>> is it a gang of old poker Buddies who decided

To knock over a casino For one last shot at fortune?

>> nah.

>> do you have to go number-one?

>> yeah!

>> ok. Take my hand.

No more soda for you today, ok?

He's getting away!

>> [stammering] >> you want to go faster, cork?

>> ok.

[engine revs] [tires screeching]

>> [cheering] >> loud noises. No noises.

>> you'll never take me Alive, cork.

One move, and your precious Volunteer big sister is gonna

Have a bullet in her head!

>> cork, do something!

>> boobies. Ha ha ha.

>> cork, quick! The bad man Took your stretch armstrong!

>> no!

>> ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

>> mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

>> cork, that's enough.

Cork, that's enough.

Cork.

>> mine! Mine!

>> cork, thanks to your Unflappable enthusiasm

And surprisingly handy Capable strengths, this city

Owes you a great debt.

As a token of our gratitude, You may now pick out one toy

At the toy store.

>> I want spaghetti.

>> aah!

>> release the dragon.

>> aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

>> I'm free. I'm free!

Oh, my god!

It's all so beautiful.

I honestly thought I would never get out.

>> aah!

>> ♪ heartbreak, in the morning There's heartbreak

My kittens have left me And the flowers are dead

I hear laughter But never for me

No, I'm alone Dust and refuse

Fills my soul Sorrow

Every moment is torment I can't recall sunshine

And all colors are gray In the mirror

I beg for release And hear its sweet call

When the gates open I walk slowly in ♪

>> it's just like andy Always told me--

Get busy dying, or get kraken.

>> I got no brakes!

>> ♪ faces filled With joy and cheer

What a magical time of year Howdy ho

It's weasel stomping day Now put your viking helmet on

Spread that mayonnaise On the lawn

Don't you know It's weasel stomping day?

Weasel stomping day All the little girls and boys

Love that wonderful Crunching noise

You'll know what This day's about

When you stomp A weasel's guts right out

So come along and have a laugh Stomp their weasely

Spines in half Grab your boots

And stomp your cares away Hip hip hooray

It's weasel stomping day ♪ [weasels squealing]

It's weasel stomping day ♪ [weasels squealing]

♪ people up and down the street Crushing weasels

Beneath their feet Why we do it, who can say?

But it's such a festive holiday So let the stomping fun begin

Bash their weasely Skulls right in

It's tradition That makes it ok

Hey, everyone, It's weasel stomping

We'll have some fun On weasel stomping

Put down your gun It's weasel stomping day

Hip hip hooray It's weasel stomping day ♪

>> weasel stomping day.

>> hey!

>> well, here we are, Face to face.

>> starlight, star bright, First star I see tonight,

I wish I may, I wish I might Have this wish I wish tonight.

I wish-- [rumbling]

Holy crap!

I-I-I got to tell oscar.

Oscar!

Oscar! Oscar!

>> aah!

>> hey, oscar, it's me--kevin.

>> oh, what happened?

>> I made a wish on that star.

[rumbling] >> dude, we got to tell jimmy.

>> dudes, we've got To tell louis.

>> louis. Hey. Hey, louis.

>> [gasp] >> make a wish. It'll come true.

[rumbling] >> a giant squid? You idiot.

We're not even near water.

>> aw, crap! Sorry, guys.

Let's go tell timmy.

>> ew!

>> timmy! Hey, timmy!

Use your laser cannon To wake him up.

>> I have a laser cannon?

>> all giant robots Have laser cannons. Duh!

>> holy crap!

I have a laser cannon!

>> timmy! Timmy! Make a wish, And it'll come true.

>> timmy?

>> hey, let's go get zach.

>> zach, wake up! Wake up, zach!

>> make a wish, And it'll come true.

>> jerks.

It's 3:00 in the morning.

>> want to play doctor?

>> I don't have insurance.

>> report, mr. Scott.

>> captain, somebody traded All our dilithium crystals

For pornographic holograms.

>> and?

>> with no power, All life support on the ship

Is about to fail.

>> and?

>> our only hope is to beam Down to the nearest planet,

But there is only enough power To send 5 people.

I can't do no more.

>> captain, logic dictates that Each of the 433 crew members--

>> hey! Where did kirk go?

Oh, no, he didn't.

>> no fair, jim!

>> nah nah nah! Yoink!

>> now there's only enough power For 4 of us to beam out!

>> I'm a doctor.

I have to go.

>> [others agreeing] >> um...I have a vagina.

>> [others agreeing] >> a vagina could prove

Quite useful.

>> I'm toby, the redshirt.

You need a redshirt.

You just do.

>> quite logical.

>> sure.

Only one of us Can go, old friend.

>> we shall handle this The only logical way.

What the hell is that?!

>> did you just try The vulcan nerve pinch on me?

>> no.

>> ooh! My eye!

[alarm blaring] >> oh, snap. It looks like

We got some sort of donner party Situation up in here.

>> damn it, jim.

I'm a doctor, not a-- >> a cannibal. Yes, we know.

>> am I really that predictable?

>> chain of command, people.

So I guess we start by eating...

Let's see...

>> aw, hell, no.

You know what?

[beep] All y'all.

>> it is your duty.

>> screw that!

On behalf of all the redshirts That fell before me,

It makes me very, very proud To speak the following sentence.

[inhales deeply] I'm the only one

That brought a gun.

>> uh-oh.

[phaser firing] >> mmm! That's good ham.

[chickens clucking] [captioning made possible by

Turner entertainment group] [captioned by national

Captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--]