Original subtitles

[captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group]

[drill] >> it's alive!

[drill] >> it's alive!

[maniacal laughing] >> extra! Extra!

Newspaper boys are anachronisms In modern-day society!

Read all about it!

>> dude, I heard that some kid Ate some pop rocks and drank

Some soda and his stomach Exploded and he died, dude!

[laughing] >> no way.

That never happened.

>> I dare you to do it.

>> no way.

Let's make mikey do it.

He'll try anything.

>> I'll bet you a dollar he Doesn't.

[burps] >> lame!

Ha ha ha!

I knew nothing would happen.

>> ugh!

>> he's gonna explode!

[burps] [farts]

>> guys?

Uh...Guys?

Guys?

[farting] >> mommy, mommy, that boy out

There is running faster than The train!

>> what did I tell you about Being stupid?

You don't get a birthday this Year.

[farting, screaming] >> we gotta cap that fire!

>> whoo!

Thanks, mister.

[rumbling] >> oh, my god!

>> mikey!

>> ♪ la la la la la la la ♪ [cracking]

Ugh!

>> are we patched in?

Over.

>> you are a go.

Over.

>> domino's pizza.

>> um, yeah, hello.

I'd like one meat lover's pizza To be delivered.

>> no problem.

If it isn't there in 30 minutes, It's free.

Let me get the address.

>> yeah, try 1414, "We're in Orbit around the [bleep] Planet"

Avenue, 'cause we're on the Space station, jerk-wad!

[laughing] >> that's 23,203 free pizzas so

Far!

>> sir, sir, we're all out of Twisty bread.

>> let's call them again!

>> sir, who are we going to Conquer today?

>> whoever I feel like Conquering.

Gosh!

>> I think europe is weak.

I don't know.

We can attack them or something.

You can be emperor maybe.

As long as I have my mule.

>> sweet!

>> sir, we're outnumbered.

>> I was outnumbered by ninjas And wolverines over summer

Break, but I killed them all With my nunchucks.

Gosh!

Idiots.

>> napoleon bonamite, you are Hereby sentenced to live out the

Rest of your days in exile!

>> sweet!

[disco music playing] [music stops]

[disco music playing] [music stops]

>> my darling mrs. Fluffy Bottom, ours is a love than can

Never be.

>> meow.

>> everything floats down here!

That is, if its mass per unit Of volume is equal to or

Lighter than that of water.

>> coming this fall to bravo, Get ready for...

"Ass-pirates of the caribbean!" >> argh!

I love being a naughty pirate!

>> ooh ho, argh!

>> bravo!

Somewhere along the line, we got Really, really gay!

>> you see tiffany yet?

She hit puberty during summer Break.

>> you serious?

Oh, man, I can't wait!

Puberty rules!

Oh, shh shh.

There she is.

>> well, hello, boys.

>> uh, hey, tiffany.

>> yeah, what's up, tiffany?

Good summer?

>> her boobs are huge now!

>> awesome!

I want to squeeze 'em!

>> hey!

[laughing] Don't!

That's sand.

You better stop that.

>> I ruined your ice cream!

It's my day!

>> hey, stop!

Hey, now, stop.

[laughing] >> ah, choke on it!

Ha ha!

Nerd!

[groaning] >> you gonna take that, boy?

>> wow!

It's red-headed african-american Baseball great barry mcguire!

>> yes.

I'm very amazing, and you're a Nerd.

But if I train you, you won't Have to put up with bullies no

More.

And by "Train," I mean inject You with this:

Barry mcguire's super happy Fun-time anger go-go juice.

[groaning] [growling]

>> shazam!

>> ...And he was all, "Please, Mister, that sand hurts."

>> yeah, yeah?

And then?

>> I kicked some more.

>> ha ha!

You are a [bleep] Artist!

Ugh!

>> what do you want?

[screaming] >> oh, dear.

Don't do that to me.

>> oh, man.

That looks painful!

>> aargh!

>> don't do drugs, kids.

>> verily I say unto you that One of you shall betray me.

Ugh!

Judas!

Ha ha, cheap shot!

Oh, lucky for you I'm gonna turn The other--ha ha ha!

Hey, that's my flesh you're Throwing there.

Ha ha!

>> this fall, get ready for Adventure and romance in the new

Tv series "Lewis and clark."

>> clark, we've followed this River for days.

>> we'll follow it as far as it Goes, lewis.

>> how, explorers.

Do you need direc-- >> hi-yah!

>> oh, clark.

>> oh, lewis.

>> that's, um...Pretty much the Whole joke.

>> and it would've been a lot More relevant 10 years ago when

"Lois and clark" was still on The air.

>> I...I have a concussion.

>> ha ha!

I need something to whet my Whistle.

It's a play on words, jackass!

>> d'oh!

[whistle blows] >> now, billy, you might feel

Bad about taking the life of an Animal, but...

[gunshot] >> yeah!

What else do we kill?

>> that's my boy.

>> bam!

All right!

Die!

[cat growling] >> oh!

>> whoo!

Bam!

>> hey, oh! Oh! Oh!

>> whoo-hoo!

>> uh...

>> yeah!

[gunfire] Yeah!

Die!

Yeah!

All right!

Yeah!

[clicking] >> finally out of ammo there,

Chief?

>> time to take ol' painless out Of the bag.

>> high-caliber fun!

Ha ha!

>> hey, milk, you've expired.

>> what?

>> life day...Renew!

Renew!

>> george, did you remember to Pack hopalonga?

>> hell, yes, I did.

I can't oversee the middle east Peace process without good old

Hopalong.

Bang bang!

You're dead, woman.

>> sir! Sir! Sir!

Air force one, it's...Missing!

>> oh, pick up.

Pick up.

Pick up.

>> take that out of your-- Hello?

>> reveal your identity, you Plane snatcher!

>> oh, sorry there, w.

Had to borrow the old af-1.

We're going to burning man.

Whoo-hoo!

>> please fasten your seat belts As the ride may get funky.

>> wet blanket alert on the Phone, y'all!

Who wants more jell-o shots?

Whoo-hoo!

[dial tone] >> shoot it down.

>> "Blackula versus blackenstein Versus the black mummy" will not

Be seen tonight so that we may Bring you the following program.

>> hey, sarah.

>> yeah, seth?

>> hey, did I ever tell you About my cousin?

She eats nothing by pancakes.

>> wow.

Is she overweight?

>> are you kidding?

She's stacked!

[chainsaw revving] >> hey, breckin meyer!

>> yeah, chinese restaurant guy?

>> yeah, yeah.

You ever see a cat-gopher?

>> cat-gopher?

What's a cat-gopher?

>> cat go for $6 if I put enough Msg on it.

>> ha ha!

Seriously, is this the only part Of the sketch I'm in?

I just spent an hour and 15 Minutes in traffic getting here!

Granted, it's in a benz, but This is horse[bleep].

[bleep] You!

You know what?

I'm going home, ok.

You can kiss my ass.

I was in "Garfield," Mother[bleep].

>> soon you will be free.

>> blue skies!

Barthy burgers!

Girls!

>> I meant soon you will be free To watch our movies on demand

Service.

>> that's still pretty good.

>> unfortunately, the only movie We have on demand is "Christmas

With the kranks."

>> noooo!

>> mac, you know I'm a Vegetarian.

>> mila, this is barth's.

The only real meat here in the Cockroaches.

>> I heard that.

>> blech!

>> blech!

>> blech!

>> now, that's comedy.

>> please welcome our special Guest tonight, vice president of

Adult swim, keith crofford.

[applause] >> thanks, seth.

I just wanted to say that you All are doing a really good job

On "Robot chicken."

>> that's great!

So, when are we getting renewed For another season?

>> um...I don't know.

Ha ha ha.

You're cancelled.

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--www.Ncicap.Org--]