Original subtitles

[thunder]

[drill whirring]

[electric saw buzzing]

- it's alive!

[thunder]

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group

- [gasps]

- that better not be poo.

- ha ha ha ha ha!

That'll teach you To vote for nader!

Ha ha ha ha--huh?

What the hell?

- I got laid! I got laid!

I got laid!

- what can I say? Nerds are hot.

- gonna tell the internet. Laid! Laid! Laid!

L-a-y-e-d! Laid, laid, laid, Laid, laid, laid, laid, laid!

- mmm. Hot.

- simon says... Go play in traffic.

- yay!

- you know, movie producer Dean devlin,

I always felt bad about screwing Millions of moviegoers

Out of their hard-earned money

With that steaming pile of crap We made called "Godzilla."

- I know, roland emmerich. We should totally remake it.

- a remake of a remake?

- brilliant!

- the eggs are hatching!

Run! Run! - [growling]

- aah!

- [growling]

[screeching]

- whew.

[gasps] - [growling]

[disco music playing]

[music stops] - we gave you jerks $150 million To remake "Godzilla"

And you gave us A steaming pile of crap!

Again!

- yes!

- the only thing we have to fear

Is fear itself.

- and spiders.

- well, yes, and spiders. That goes without saying.

- and snakes.

- yes, snakes, too.

- and don't forget werewolves.

- there is no such thing. - [all talking at once]

- ooh! Yeah! Fun! Yeah! Ahaaa!

Aaaah!

- [laughter]

- [indistinct]

[sobbing]

- [retching]

- [laughter]

- [chattering]

[slurping]

- that's right, folks. We've got a whole lot of

2005 vehicles That must be sold,

Thanks to crazy davy's Chapter 11 debt restructuring.

[horn honking]

Yup, there go my wife and kids. I won't be seeing them again.

Crazy davy's Circling the bowl, folks.

Hell, just bend crazy davy Over the hood of this Fine luxury sedan

And cornhole him Till you're satisfied.

And as a special bonus, If you find my brains On your windshield,

You can have my dog!

Well, better luck next time.

- ok, so the only things We have to fear

Are spiders, snakes, werewolves, Sharks, dying alone,

Zombies, clowns, Heights, big dogs, Robots with human brains,

Johnson's wife, and fear itself.

- [all talking at once]

- man, my life sucks.

I hate working at The stupid archery range.

Oh, what--where am I?

- you're in purgatory, doug.

Spin the wheel of reincarnation.

- oh, boy. I hope I land on Keira knightley's underwear.

- [sighs] Everyone wishes For that one.

- huggytime bear?

Where am I?

Holy [bleep] Ass crackers!

- welcome! We're The huggytime bears,

And we shall call you Doug-a-lot bear.

- what the [bleep] Is A huggytime bear?

- we spread peace and love With our special powers. - [laughs]

- ah...[bleep]

- let's go spread joy To children!

- oh, man, I wish I landed on Keira knightley's underwear.

- uh, please don't mention that Around the children.

- I feel sad.

- yeah, but at least We're not gay.

- maybe we can help!

- the huggytime bears!

- get ready for some Fun and love, every--aah!

[screaming indistinctly]

- what? His name was Shamrock bear.

He was obviously irish And, therefore, drunk.

Am I right or am I right?

- this is unforgivable.

- bring out the gimp!

- no, dooon't!

No! - oh, my gosh, I've shot you.

- keira knightley?

- shh. Don't worry About a thing.

The paramedics Will be here soon.

- ha ha.

I was almost your underwear, You know.

- ha ha, jerkass.

- I got you, timmy.

- I--I can't feel My arms and legs.

- previously on "Big brother,"

A practical joke war Resulted in hurt feelings.

- oh!

- ghostface's laundry debacle

Earned him the wrath of freddy.

- aw, where the hell's My sweater?

- chill out. It's in the dryer.

- you fool! The label clearly says Permanent press.

- [laughs]

- it says, whoever reaches The kitten first

Will win the golden power Of vito.

[chainsaw whirring]

- competition was fierce,

But it was leatherface Who stood victorious.

As a result, it was Michael and ghostface

Who found themselves On the block.

- ohh!

- who will be evicted? Find out live, tonight.

- if ghostface got voted out, Take it from freddy:

That would be a dream come true.

[laughs] You get it?

[laughs] A dream?

[laughs] I kill people In their nightmares, man.

That's what I do. It's my thing.

- last week, America voted online

To decide which houseguest Would get to call home

On a t-mobile cell phone.

Tonight, we have The results.

And the winner is...Ghostface!

- america made the right choice,

Giving the call to ghostface.

Of course, I would've Called my mum.

Today's her birthday. I love you, mum.

[telephone ringing] - hello?

- I see you making popcorn.

- [gasps] Who is this? - I saw the "Charlie's Angels" sequel.

That was a piece of crap! Ha ha! - I'm hanging up!

- fighting boredom Is the hardest part

Of living in The "Big brother" house.

- in case you were wondering,

The answer was "The da vinci code."

- it's time to decide Which houseguest gets evicted.

Michael, ghostface, you may now Plead your case.

- you know, I'm just trying To keep it real,

And I will treasure The friendships I have made In this house

My whole life.

But if it's my time to go, hey, No hard feelings. I--

- your turn, michael.

- stop that. Stop it!

- the votes have been cast,

And the next houseguest evicted From "Big brother" is...Michael.

Michael myers. They just kicked you Out of the house.

How do you feel?

- I feel randy, baby, yeah!

Wayne's world! Party time! Excellent! - oh! Ow! Ow!

Stop stabbing me! Ow!

[clucking]

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group

Captioned by the national Captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--

- bock. [engine running]

[monkey chattering]