Original subtitles

[laughing]

[whirring]

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group

- it's alive!

- matthew, time for dinner!

- ♪ I'll pledge allegiance ♪

♪ I'll pledge allegiance ♪

♪ I'll pledge allegiance ♪

♪ to the united states of love ♪

- that was great, guys. Let's take 5.

- wow! It's just like old times.

- this comeback Is gonna be da bomb!

- I'm getting a bottle of water.

Do you dudes want any?

- bring me a glass filled with

One-half cristal, one-half Beluga caviar.

- I don't think We have that.

- wow, justin's Really changed, dude.

- [screaming]

- the yakuza!

- we warn you once, n'sync!

Now we warn you again--

With death!

- ow!

- aah! Hold up!

You shot me!

- hey, they were out Of beluga caviar,

But they had some nice sevruga--

Oh, no!

Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

- we would not Waste our bullets

On a simple roadie.

- roadie?

I'm in the band!

- [laughing]

- oh, my brothers!

I swear I will avenge you--

But how?

"Yakuza invitational Martial arts tournament...

One week from today!"

How unlikely?

But perfect!

- you can't enter That tournament

Without the proper skills, Fat one.

- and will you train me, Mr. Miyagi?

- first of all, I'm Pat-effing-morita, you nut sack!

Second of all, you're Too old for the training.

- so was I...

If you'll remember.

- daniel-san, I thought I smelled failure.

That toilet's not going To unplug itself!

First lesson!

- let's warm up with Some stretches first.

- come here, you.

- ok, let's set some Ground rules here--

[grunts]

I really don't think I'm learning anything.

Oh, my god! I'm on fire!

[screaming]

- ready? Begin.

- totally awesome!

- attack! - tubular!

- radical! - awesome!

- reaganomics!

- there's too many of them!

- trust your instincts, fat one.

Only one of these turtles Is played by corey feldman.

Trust your instincts.

Corey feldman.

Trust your instincts.

Corey feldman.

- pizza is radical!

- master splinter is way cool!

- turtle power, dude!

- clean, sober, Back on television--

Things are lookin' up For the feldmeister!

- hyah!

- [screams]

- daniel-san!

Clean-up on aisle 5!

- there are 42 pressure points On the human body

Which result in death.

I will show you 41.

The 42nd I may someday Need to use on you.

Hyah! - my spleen!

- hyah! - oof!

- now, I must introduce Badtz maru to his god.

Farewell.

- thanks for your help.

Omm...

- good luck, fat one.

- you won't be by my side?

- the true test of a warrior Is to go it alone.

Besides, I got a dump brewing

That could choke a monkey.

- can joey survive The tournament?

Will n'sync be avenged?

Does this look infected to you?

Find out next time on...

"Enter the fat one!"

- [screaming]

- ha ha ha! I'm gonna get ya!

- pizza delivery!

- is there any other way I could pay for this?

- how convenient.

- [moaning] - yeah!

I'll do it hawaiian style To you, sweetie.

- pool guy!

- come in!

- take my ham And cheesy goodness!

- ay-ay-yi! That's good!

- plumber!

The door was open, so I--wow!

- do it! Oh, yeah!

- I'm snaking the drain!

- ooh! - yeah, plunge it!

We are all having sex...

Together!

- [groaning stops]

- seriously, that's $12.99 For that pizza.

- damn...

Jonathan is really tasty.

- ay!

- ay! Madre de dios!

- ♪ spelling bee at the apollo ♪

- different!

D-I-f-r--

[buzzer]

- [laughter and booing]

- you blew it, girl!

- oh, no, she didn't!

- you wrong, girl!

- you stepped in it, girl!

- see ya!

- they're gonna love you.

Big finish.

- [yawns]

What a twist!

- [alien voices]

- m. Night! In the pantry!

- dude!

Oh, my god!

I just wanted to borrow A cup of sugar!

- what a twist!

- we needed the sugar

Because we're baking a cake For a fancy party.

- and you're invited, Shyamabama family!

- delightful!

Let me just change into My good suit!

- oh, honey...

Your good suit Is at the cleaners.

- what a twist!

- shyamamalanan family, Meet our chef.

- I can't wait to serve you!

- "Serve us?"

You mean serve us For the main course?

As in eat us?

- let's dance!

[humming]

- what a twist!

- yeah, yeah. One more! One more!

- who didn't use A miter joint

On this jack-in-the-box?

Ow!

- ow!

Why?!

- and now, The thrilling conclusion!

- I'm joey fatone!

I'm here to avenge the death of My band mates!

- yeah, yeah, yeah!

Here is sign-up sheet.

You go 14th in line.

Also, we gonna need a photocopy Of your driver's license.

There's soda in the green room,

And some broken glass if you Want to roll your hands in glue.

- thanks.

I can do this.

I can do this.

Oh, my god!

It's...It's!

- hong kong phooey!

- number one super guy!

- hyah!

[grunting]

Ooh! Look what I got here!

Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?!

Come on. Get it, Get it, get it!

Look!

- huh?

- hyah!

- [crowd groans]

- I need those.

Hey, wait! Oh! Wait!

- ooh!

You got same tattoo!

- bam!

- [crowd gasps]

- hey, joey!

You can do it!

- enough!

[laughs]

- britney spears?!

But why would you kill n'sync?

- n'sync?

No, I killed reo speedwagon.

I [bleep] Hate those guys.

- actually... - really?

Looks like I got some unfinished Business with reo speedwagon.

Beat it, fat one.

- you wait!

- [crowd oohs] - what?

- my name is joey fatone.

You killed my band mates.

Prepare to die.

- not so fast, fat one.

Meet my home girls, Christina aguilera,

Avril lavigne,

Jessica simpson,

Jessica simpson's sister.

- I'm ashlee.

- [scoffs]

Shh! The big kids are talking.

- [snorts]

5 chicks?! I think I can--

- [laughing]

Together, we're more powerful Than we ever were separately!

Kind of like doing One big stadium tour

Instead of a bunch of stupid Mall tours!

Enuck-chuk!

[evil laughter]

- I'm finished.

- don't worry, joey.

- we'll help you.

- all for one and one for all!

- reaganomics!

- of course!

Together, we're stronger Than we ever were solo!

Right, justin?

- well, uh...

All right.

- oh, yeah!

- here we go!

- [growling]

I'm doing my thing!

Don't you tear up my heart!

[screams]

- [screaming]

- god should have spent A little more time on you!

- [evil laughter]

- ow, my boob!

- yeah! All right!

- bye, bye, bye.

- ♪ I pledge allegiance ♪

♪ to the united states ♪

♪ of love ♪

- nicely done, fat one.

Now your mind and body

Truly "In sync."

- that's how y'all Endin' the show?!

That joke sucked!

This whole episode [bleep] Sucked, y'all!

Now, I'm gonna kill joey!

How do I get out of here?!

Man, it's hot in this box!

Oh, I hate you, joey fatone!

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group

Captioned by the national Captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--

- [clucking in rhythm]

- only one of these turtles Is played by forcory--

For fory clel--

Clory flu--cloris leachman.