Original subtitles

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group

- it's alive !

- yep.

[sighs]

[ding dong]

- oh, will it hurt?

- only if god hates you.

- hey, mama mia!

The cannoli, eh, Lasagna!

- hey, pasta fazul, A spicy meatball!

[whistling]

[ding dong]

- dude, it's time to Pimp your sister.

- oh, yeah!

Man, I can't believe--

Yo, man, my sister Right in there.

Come pimp that bitch out!

- wait! W-wait!

Wait! I have homework.

- hey, ladies!

- we gon' pimp you out!

- girl, you got serious Librarian hair.

- you ever see a ho Shop at the gap?

- you got the posture Of a lamp post, girl.

We got to give you Some prosti-tude.

- if we go with A leopard print tank top,

That's a little too Southeast newark.

So we're going with More of a cheetah pattern.

- garter belts Ain't just for weddings, Honey child.

You can tuck A weapon in there.

At first, I was pretty nervous,

But these hos Are all about class.

- sometimes a john Will want to do that with you,

And that'll cost $10.

- eww.

- this one--$50.

- ugh.

- and this one Gon' require a credit card.

- again! - don't play me!

- again! - don't play me!

- all right, alex, Now we ain't had a lot To work with here,

But, yo, Check out your new sister!

- all right, let me see.

[gasps]

Oh, damn!

Oh, you put the heels--

And, oh, You got this garter--

Damn...

Oh, damn!

It's the new me--

Not just on the outside, But on the inside, too.

[all talking at once]

- it's so hard When they leave.

It's so hard.

- hey, y'all!

Hey, yo, man!

Yo, come get a piece Of my sister!

Who wants to get up In my sister's ass?

- oh, hello, mr. Johnson.

- hello, amy.

Do you take credit cards?

- eww.

- we'll be dead soon.

- ow.

I'm telling my dad.

- welcome to "The surreal life."

- come on, come on.

Get down.

- let's take a look at what "The surreal life" gang Has been up to recently.

- we were really excited To participate

In the iditarod Dogsled race...

Till one of the dogs Fell in love with manny mo.

- help! The dog--

Aah!

- let's see What's in store

For our "Surreal life" folks today.

- we have to take The one ring

And destroy it In the fires of mount doom.

- ooh!

- wait, something's coming!

- aah!

- there's no way I'm doing this.

Somebody better Get me a cab

Because I'm going--

- we must helps them.

They's our friend.

They hates manny mo.

No, they loves us.

If they dies, We go get pizza.

Aah! Aah!

[singing indistinctly]

[urinating]

- ahh.

[roaring]

- aah!

- back to the fires That forged you, evil trinket!

Whoa!

- oh!

- corey, you saved me, bro.

- you can burn in hell.

I just want the ring.

- corey, no!

[splat]

Oh, bro!

- oh, friends, Remember me fondly...

In "Stand by me" And in "The lost boys"--

Only the first half.

Wait, and "Friday the 13th" Was pretty good--

- next time On "The surreal life"...

- well, ron and I Had to check out A suspicious meteor.

[beeping]

[roars]

- boo !

Heh heh heh.

[screaming]

- you didn't think It'd be that easy, did you?

Chocolate chicken eggs For everyone!

- 1, 2, 3, 4!

We love it when Our players score!

5, 6, 7, 8!

Double entendres Are really great!

- I want to go to dallas, But I don't have any money.

- we're such good friends,

We'll have sex With people for money

And give it to you.

- yeah!

- oh, best friends forever!

- we're soaking wet From washing your car, Mr. Thrustbone.

- is there anything else We can do for you?

- I'll give you $20 For all of us to go crazy.

- wow!

$20 in 1978 dollars Is a lot.

- yeah! Uh-huh!

Unh! Unh! Unh!

- yeah!

Oh, you look just like My daughter's friends.

Oh, yeah.

Oh! Oh!

- watch out for the icing.

Dang it.

- we raised $39.

- that's exactly enough To get to dallas.

Yay!

I'm finally in dallas.

- moo.

- oh, I wonder how much It is to get back.

- I'm stepping down The ladder and--

Uh-oh! Oh.

Uh-oh, I'm falling.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm falling On the moon.

Yes, I'm falling On the moon.

[thud]

- aah!

Ok, uh, hailing frequencies Are open.

[all talking at once]

[talking stops]

[all shouting at once]

[sighs]

- is he going to Do it again?

- wrong, Your reservations are.

For us to listen To ray griffiths,

The actor who played The power droid In "Episode iv,"

This is room is scheduled.

- I reserved room a-2

To watch the "Star trek" Blooper reel

Where deforest kelley Grabs majel barrett's chest.

The prime directive demands That you leave the premises.

- the prime directive sucks.

- you suck, You nerf herder!

- ooh, seven of nine...

- I heard one william shatner

Is going to do A guest spot on "Enterprise"

And not as kirk!

[gasping]

- you take that back!

[making swooshing sounds]

- gentlemen, gentlemen,

We could discuss this Logically.

[all shouting]

- excuse me, I'm ray griffith.

Oh, my face!

- you kids stop.

No fighting.

Oh, get off me. Ow.

My neck, my spine.

Oh, no, not like this.

- excuse me, But are you gentlemen

Engaged in a game of larp--

Live action role-playing?

I happen to be An old hand at it.

Aah!

Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!

Fire--fire--

- excuse me, That's impolite.

Ow!

Stop!

Oh, that's it!

- all systems ready.

- don't worry, Mr. Schumacher,

We'll get you out of here.

[gasps]

- joel schumacher is History's greatest monster.

- get him!

Let's get him!

[all shouting at once]

- got him!

I got him!

- keep it coming.

- ok, got it. Got it.

- get another one. Get me another one.

- shame on you.

You've all forgotten The true meaning of fandom.

We should take joy In our loves,

Not argue about them.

[laughs]

Son of a bitch!

[gunshots]

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group

Captioned by the national Captioning institute --www.Ncicap.Org--

[chickens clucking theme song]