Original subtitles

(applause)

(Max): I was right. I was right.

Now that's nice. That's good.

Most people don't get me, you know.

Nobody's direct anymore.

You notice this? Everybody's got like a secret language.

It's like a code for what they really wanna say.

Like the doctor who first told me my son was autistic.

You know, he says to me, he says:

"You know, the autistic mind is wired in brilliant

and revolutionary ways."

I said: "Oh, yeah? How so?"

Because, you know, my son didn't speak.

Didn't speak at all for years.

Communicated only in grunts, growls and ear-piercing screams.

And then when he finally started speaking,

he wouldn't shut up.

(people laughing)

It's true. He wouldn't. He wouldn't.

You know, that doctor could have saved us both a lot of time

if he'd just said the truth.

- "Just slap those bitches and show 'em who's boss!"

- Ezra!

- Autistic kids don't give a fuck, man.

- Say my name!

Say my name!

(violin music)

- You look good.

How's work?

- Good. When did Ezra see Breaking Bad?

- We binged it last weekend.

- Maybe we should be a little more careful.

What do you mean?

He's been reading the New York Times since he was 5.

He can handle Walter White.

(principal): Thank you for coming in.

- Hi!

- Hi, Jenna. Good to see you. Hi, Max.

You both know Dr. Tamarova.

- Mm-hmm.

- Ezra, please stay with Anthony.

- Hi. I'm Ms. Cathro. What's happening?

Why is Ezra not with the rest of the class?

- He's really been acting out today. I have other students

who want to learn, who count on me to keep them safe.

- I'm getting so tired of this shit.

- Max - No.

You know that he's bullied here, right?

Yeah, maybe he was trying to make that vicious

little kid laugh. Ezzie came home

with a bloody lip last week. Anybody get expelled for that?

- I've spoken to that boy's parents as well.

- Right, but Ezzie's the bad one.

- No, no. Ezra is not bad.

But today he was a danger to himself and others.

- There it is, there it is. The secret language. I was waiting for it.

- Max. - Huh?

- Max! Stop.

- You can't expel him. He's been working very, very hard.

And, yes, he has had his bad days,

but he's also met a lot of the goals

that you set up for him

Ms. Lee. Please. You can't drop him.

(Dov): Max, this autism shit, it's depressing.

(Emma): You can talk about whatever you want if you give us

a reason to want to listen.

And I want to listen. I think my cousin's autistic.

But it's gotta be funny.

(Dov): See, the sign says comedy on it.

It's not a funeral parlor.

- Huh. What is this, a fucking intervention?

(Greer): I disagree. You need to go deeper, further.

Make a whole set out of it.

- Yeah, well make a whole evening out of it.

You know, "Disabilities with Max".

- I'm not telling jokes. I'm storytelling.

(Emma): I know you're not telling jokes.

But you gotta make it funny.

- Sad stories. Jackie, you should see his sad stories.

(Emma): Oh, I've seen plenty. - Nosy, dark, and sexy.

- Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to tell you

I loved your set.

(Dov): There you go. (Max): Thank you.

- You're welcome. I'm Susan. Can I buy you a drink?

(Dov): I'd save the dough. This guy is in mourning.

(Susan): Hey.

Are you crying?

- Ah, come on.

- I'll call you.

- Really?

(sighing) - No.

(sighing)

- He cried, didn't he?

It's his kid, my grandson.

You hungry? Fix you something to eat.

(wood floors creaking)

(piano music)

(Jenna): It's a bigger number than we discussed,

but it's exactly the neighborhood

that you wanted.

Listen, there are multiple bids, so I think

we have to come in above the ask.

I wish that wasn't the case, but unfortunately,

it's still a seller's market. Ezra! Breakfast!

(piano music)

(peeing)

- Where'd you get the shirt?

- Come on. Cut it out. It's not your shirt.

- You sure it's not my shirt?

- I'm sure.

- Enrico moved to the Ritz.

And my building is still a union house,

and there's an opening now, so...

- Yeah. - I want you to consider that.

- Yeah, okay.

I'm just not gonna be a doorman, pop. Thank you.

- There's nothing wrong with being a doorman.

- And a man your age should't be living with his father.

- They're expelling him. They expelled Ez.

They want me to put him in a special needs school.

- Nah none of it's special. It's all bullshit.

- And there it is, they're recommending drugs.

- Put him in a gym, and let him workoff that special sauce.

- No. - But you gotta keep fighting.

- Yeah. Keep fighting, right. You know how much

that's costing me? I'm paying for her lawyer,

I'm paying for my lawyer. Jenna knows I'm broke.

Can I have a fork, please?

- She knows you're still not over her, too. That's one thing.

- Just cut it out already, alright. Give me a break.

Come on.

- Break. Okay, who cries after fucking a stranger?

- That's crazy. You gotta move on, kiddo.

Believe me, I know what it's like to fuck things up

with a woman.

And to get stuck with a kid on top of it.

More coffee?

- Yeah. What, am I new here? I'll take a coffee.

(sirens in the distance)

(Max): Tell me something good, Jayne.

- I have something really, really good.

- I'm not doing it. Nah, I write for me now.

- Come here. - For me.

- Come here.

- I'm not sitting on your lap.

- I got something to tell you. Come on.

You don't want me to get up.

- Alright.

No one's gonna hire me in late night anymore.

Conan fucking blackballed me.

- Well, you punched him in the balls.

- Well, I was aiming for his stomach.

He's so fucking tall!

- Why are you so crazy?

Listen. Robert Segal has heard great things about you.

- Robert Segal. Kimmel's booker?

- He wants to see you down at the Cellar tonight.

- No, I can't. I can't do it tonight.

I'm taking Ezzie to the Big Lebowski tribute.

We're gonna dress up like the characters.

We'll throw shit at the screen. It's gonna be awesome.

- That's all cute. But not tonight.

- I can't. I can't let the dude down.

- You wanna do something for your son?

You get Mr. Segal to book you on Mr. Kimmel.

(Jenna): Okay, ready? I'm getting the costume.

Okay this is cozy.

This is gonna be itchy.

- I know.

- Okay.

Okay.

(laughing)

You look so cute!

(screaming)

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

It's okay.

- I'm sorry, Ezzie. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

(children cheering in the background)

(Bruce): I got it, honey. Wow. Look at you.

So, a lawyer walked into a bar--

- No, no. Don't do that, Brice.

- It's Bruce. - Ezzie! Ezzie!

- And you're Hay-zeus, the bowler, right?

- It's Jesus, man. - Jesus.

- Have you not seen the movie? - No, it's been a-- Oh!

And here's the Big Lebowski!

- "I am not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude."

- Well, not yet you're not.

Let's see. Now you're the dude.

- Let me see.

Just in case.

- Okay. He's with me. He's not gonna have a meltdown.

- Sure. Well, we'll be back by 9 so,

just the movie and straight home.

Promise?

- Yeah, I promise. - Okay!

- Okay. - Okay. Straight home, guys.

- Yeah. You, too. Okay? - Have fun!

- Alright.

- He didn't like my joke.

(rock music)

(man): Look, buddy!

(Max): Jack-Jack-Jacquelyn. - What's up, Max?

I'm gonna go get changed.

- Hi, Ezra. - Hi.

Have you been to a costume ball then, love?

- No. Big Lebowski, 7 pm show.

Oh! Great movie. Love it.

- I'll have a White Russian.

- Virgin White Russian for the dude.

- Actually pineapple juice. I'll have pineapple juice.

You make me think of pirates.

- Really? That's weird.

- Yes. - Even though the pirate accent

is typically west country English.

- Arrgh! The Irish are fine pirates.

(Max): Oh! Drop the lobe! Drop the lobe.

- Max is stoned, everyone. Max is stoned.

- Really, dude?

(woman 1): I don't know if anyone's in an interracial relationship.

(woman 2): I'm in one. My girlfriend's Puerto Rican.

(woman 3): Yes! Thank you. I appreciate that.

- Okay. See the guy over there with glasses?

That's him. Okay, I need my Ezzie mojo, okay?

You ready to be my good luck charm?

Find me a more unhappy human being.

- Depressing. Why would I do that?

- Don't be so literal, Ezzie. Come on, let's go.

- The first time my dad

interacts with a gay person, he calls me.

Every interaction.

It doesn't matter how small it is, he called me

the other day, he was like:

"Emma, I was just at the grocery store,

and I looked over, and I saw a lesbian.

And I was like: "that's great, dad. How did you know she was a lesbian?"

He said: "well, she looked like you."

Goodbye, Pop! Okay, you guys ready for your next comic?

(applause)

- Gimme the mojo. Gimme the mojo! Gimme the mojo!

I'm gonna him up. One of my personal favorites.

He was a writer for some of the biggest names in the business

now he writes for himself.

Clap it up for my buddy, Max Bernal! Let him hear ya!

(crowd cheering)

- That's Emma Willmann! Give it up!

How we feeling?

Now take it easy. I don't really care.

My son is here tonight! That's right.

My son is here tonight.

Dying of shame. Stand up and take the wig off, Ez!

- Stop talking about me!

- Okay. I didn't expect that.

- Uh you know, try to have a little respect, okay, Ez?

I'm up here humiliating myself to give you a better life.

Alright. I'm good to you, you little prick.

Not like my old man.

- Pop-Pop!

- That's right.

Pop Pop. That's the last time he'll speak, by the way.

Pop-Pop.

That's actually the perfect name for my old man. Pop-Pop.

It's like two gunshots.

One to the head, one to the heart. Pop, pop!

(laughing)

Let me tell you a little bit about my old man.

This guy, you know, he was a, one of the top gourmet chefs

in New York City back in the day.

Worked at all the top restaurants.

It's true, you know. Every one of which he got

shit canned from because nobody could stand working with him.

I mean, the guy got driven out of town, and the only place

he could find a job as a chef was at a steakhouse in Nebraska.

That's right.

You know cuisine in Nebraska, man, there isn't any.

(laughing)

I mean, you kill it, they grill it, you get a Michelin tire.

So, I'm 5 years old, I'm living in Nebraska

it's my birthday party, and you know, it's a lot of pressure.

I mean, you know, I've got these fat farmer's kids

staring at me.

I'm the only thing standing between them and the cake.

(laughing)

Papier-mâché bib, it's 1980, so you know everything

I'm wearing is made out of napalm.

I bend down, blow out my candles, I'm about to do it

when I hear my pop say: "Blow out your fucking candles, Max!"

I flinch.

I fall forward.

Candle lights me up.

I light up like a fucking road flare.

I'm telling you, I am on fire!

My old man he grabs his Dr. Pepper, he puts me out

like a campfire and says: "You want some cake, Maxie"?

I says: "no, Pop."

(Max and Ezra): I want my eyebrows back!

(laughing)

- Thanks, kid.

I'm gonna go kill my son.

Hey, I think it's great that you memorized my set,

but you can't be steppin' on my punchline, buddy.

- I can't let the train go off the rails!

- Ez, here comes Mr. Happy now.

Okay, just whatever you're thinking, don't say it,

okay, please?

- Good set. - Thank you.

- I think I'll book your kid. - Ha!

You're still not funny, Bob. Ezzie meet Mr. Segal.

Bob, this is my son Ezra.

So um, next week, a producer

comes in to see you and Sal Argento.

- Right.

And then one of you is doing

the Kimmel show in Los Angeles.

- Mr. Segal. Are you sad because you're bald?

- He's dark. like his daddy.

(chuckles)

Get your best stuff together Max.

- Okay. Alright? You're gonna need it.

- Alright. Alright.

Sad and bald? That's you not talking?

- I was just asking a question. - Okay.

Come on. Let's get out of here before your mother kills me.

(Ezra grunting) - Sorry. Sorry.

(yawning)

Okay. You're snug as a bug in a rug.

(Ezra grunting)

Okay. Alright, alright. I wasn't doing anything.

- Hey. We had a good time right?

Just one more.

(Ezra grunting) Alright, alright!

Hey. I love you.

Good night.

Who says autistic kids can't communicate?

"Ahh, get out of my room!" And I'm out.

Yeah. The best communicator in the world.

- You can use the sensory brush next time.

- Nah. The brushing thing is your thing.

What is he, an Alpaca?

You did a set at the Cellar,

and you promised me you wouldn't.

You're driving me crazy.

I'm sorry. Okay? A guy from Kimmel came to see me, and...

- Oh

- I needed my good luck charm, right?

- You know me. I needed my mojo man.

- Did you read Dr. Tamarova's assessment?

- Look at you. You are so pretty. Come on. Give me a kiss.

Brad's gone already.

- Stop it. It's Bruce, and he's in the kitchen.

- Brian is in my kitchen?

- Hi, Max! know, he's never gonna belong in our house.

- Max. This is my house. Did you read it?

- Yeah, I read it. I read it, yes.

Yeah. It was a mugging. They just want him out of there.

- The Board of Ed will pay for him

to go to a special needs school.

He doesn't need a special school.

- Max. He led 20 kids onto Washington Street.

It was incredibly dangerous.

- Okay, but he's not dangerous, he's a challenge.

Fuck. Nobody wants to do the fucking work.

- The work? The work. All I do is work.

You come here, and you play dress up

and take him to a comedy club. Bring him home at midnight.

- That's not what I meant, okay?

Look, we're on the same team, Jen.

You know how he thinks.

I know how he thinks.

He just needs to be seen, Jen

and heard, and, and appreciated for what he has to offer.

- Yes, yes.

But he also needs to be able

to give us a hug without screaming.

- It's an opportunity, Max. He'll be with trained teachers

and aides in a school built for him,

how he needs to learn. No bullies.

He'll be with kids just like him.

- Nice. Kids like him, huh?

- Okay. That's not what I meant.

- You know what? I know what you meant.

Here's the thing. I'm a kid like him.

And kids like us you know what we need?

To be with all kinds of kids.

So, no, I will not accept her recommendation fucking ever.

(sighing)

(door closes)

- You alright?

- No. It never fails!

Every time we get close to something that might

actually work, Max has to blow it up!

This is the third school that Ezra's been expelled from.

There's no other options. What am I supposed to do?

- Well, I could get rid of Max for you.

- Oh, you can do that for me?

- Yeah. I'm a lawyer. I have no moral compass.

Besides, I know a guy.

They call him Jimmy the hatchet.

Bang-bang-bitches, cut off his head and feed him to the fishes!

(piano music)

(dog barking)

(woman): Get down!

Get down!

(brakes screeching)

(car honking)

(Jenna): It won't be too much longer, sweetie

but, you scared the hell out of me.

Honey, why'd you sneak out of the house like that?

Hmm? Please don't do that ever.

Say you'll never do that.

- I won't ever do that.

- Mrs. Demuzio saw you run in the street

and then a taxi came out, and he hit you.

I mean, you could've been-- A dog tried to bite me.

I had to get away from his teeth.

- I'll let her know. Hey, Jen.

They're almost ready for him.

- No!

- It's okay. (Max): Hey.

- Hey. Dad's here.

- What's happening? Hey, Buddy. Hey, hey. You okay?

What's going on? Huh? What happened?

- 14th Street Viaduct to Manhattan Avenue.

- What? - Three blocks to the park at--

- Hey, hey...I know. I know you know where Pop-Pop lives.

- I'm sorry. - Don't be sorry, okay?

Just tell me what-- - You're mad.

No, I'm not mad. Okay, I'm not mad--

Okay, you know what?

Yeah, I'm a little bit mad. Eyes.

Eyes. Ezzie.

- Can I talk to you for a second?

- Hey-- (Ezra grunting)

(doctor): Ezra Bernal.

- Why's he out here in the middle of the hallway?

- They need to run some tests.

What do you mean tests? What tests?

You mean like X-rays?

- Psyche evaluation.

- What do you mean psyche eval--hey! Where you going?

No, thanks.

- Dad? I had the same reaction. I did too. But it's protocol--

- He got hit by a cab. - It's protocol for children.

- Excuse me. Is there a problem?

- Yeah. We need to see a doctor, please.

- I'm Dr. Kaplan.

- Oh, okay. We--hey, stop!

- Sir, you need to let the man do his job.

- Yes. Let's just...let's just...

- Dad? - Yeah, I'm right here buddy.

(Jenna): We're here, honey. (Max): Don't worry about it.

We're gonna sort this out in a minute, okay?

(police sirens in the distance)

(melancholic music)

(Ezra): They made me draw pictures.

Stuck lights in my eyes, and asked me questions.

- kind of questions?

- They asked me if Mom or Dad ever tried to hit me.

If I had ever tried to hurt myself.

- Okay. I'm sorry they asked you that kind of stuff.

- Are they gonna make me live somewhere else?

Like in a hospital?

- No. They can't.

You have family, and they have to answer to us.

So that's not gonna happen.

- Okay.

- Next move.

- You sure you want to do that?

- Oh, yeah.

- Okay...Here you go.

- You had to do that, didn't you? Huh?

(Dr. Wells): Hi. Thank you for your patience.

I know it's been a long night. I have some good news.

We are going to send Ezra home this morning.

(Jenna): Oh!

- But because of his age and because a witness

saw him run in front of a cab--

- That's bullshit. - Please. Let him finish.

- Ezzie would never just run in front of a cab.

- Just--let's listen to the doctor.

- I know this is traumatic. But I'm doing what the law

says I must do.

Ezra is technically a ward of the state.

- You don't have that right.

- Legally, he does actually.

Let's just hear the doctor out.

- Ezra has a history of fleeing and putting himself in danger.

Now, I'm not going to put him into a pediatric psyche ward.

But I am going to require him to attend

a school for special needs.

And I would like to try a prescription

for Risperdal.

- Risperdal is an antipsychotic.

- Your son has been a danger to himself.

- He has not! - Max!

He nearly died! That happened.

Just let him finish. Let him finish.

(Dr. Wells): We are going to revisit this in three months.

But right now Risperdal is the correct medication.

(Bruce): Max...

- No, no. I just...You got a lot of Risperdal here.

(Jenna): Max... - What is this--what

do the drug companies give you for pushing this on kids?

You get a free fucking badge?

(Bruce): Hey, hey, Max c'mon. (Jenna): Take it easy.

- Now I see where the dangerous behavior comes from.

- Oh excuse me?

(Bruce): Max! (Max): You son of a bitch!

(clatter)

(Max): No. I'm not doing that.

(Bruce): Max I got Dr. Wells to drop

the assault charge, but you gotta go with the program.

- Fuck that guy. He's a drug dealer.

- He's in control is what he is.

Of the special ed school, the medications all of it.

- And what about the--what about the restraining order?

- Three months. You can't go near Ezra.

- I'm sorry. It's the Judge's decision.

I can probably get it down to a month if you use

the behavior cards.

Fuck those cards. He pisses on those.

- You want to go home

or do you want to spend another night in here?

It's up to you.

(children talking in background)

(sighs)

- Must have been humiliating being rescued

by your wife's boyfriend. - Please stop talking.

- She's obsessed with this retard crap.

- Hey, what's wrong with you, huh?

Nobody says retard anymore.

Okay, nobody. Don't say it again.

- Okay. I won't say it.

- You know, it's a felony having this.

- That's a lot of bullshit.

- I served my country. I have a right to have this.

- Food. You served food.

I had no choice.

Now they're telling me I can't see Ezra.

And I got no say in what drugs they're gonna give him.

What school they're gonna put him in. What the--

You got anything to say?

- She cut you out good.

- She didn't do this.

- She didn't have to.

I just picked you up from prison.

What are you talking about?

- That's it? That's the best you got?

- What am I gonna say?

You rush in blind, you get knocked on your ass.

You can't control your own power, then what the hell

do you have? Nothing.

- Says the guy who knocked out a customer

because his steak was overcooked.

- That was a perfect steak.

- Ah, you see now there it is.

There's my twisted moral compass.

(Stan): That's right. Whatever.

- Whatever's right. Yeah. Maybe if that were true,

we'd still be in Nebraska, and I'd still have a mother.

What do you think?

(brakes screeching) (car honking)

(Max): Come on, man.

Stop. I'm sorry, alright?

I just-- I didn't mean to bring that up.

- Fucking guy says to me: "Hey, stupid

there's no blood on my plate?"

I say: "Hey, I'm sorry."

And I punch him in the face.

I say: "Now there is blood on your plate."

- What are you talking about? I'm talking about my mother.

- Now what? Now you gonna start blaming everything

that's wrong with you and your life on me and your mother?

Get the fuck outta here!

- Yeah, you know what, you're a fucking asshole!

- Fuck you. Learn how to fucking cook a steak.

(man): Move the car!

(Jenna): Got it?

Good job.

Do you really think you should wear the dinosaur costume

on your first day at a new school?

Hmm.

Hey it's gonna be great.

There's gonna be all these new kids, and you're going to find

the nicest ones.

Hey, psst, Ezra. Ezzie.

(Ezra grunts.)

(sad piano music)

(children chattering)

(school bell ringing)

(sad music)

(woman): You've got to head in, Ezra.

(crowd laughing)

(Max): Hey, you know what I was thinking about it recently.

This fucked up game we used to play when I was a kid.

You remember Musical Chairs?

(crowd cheering)

- Yeah? Whoo! Really? Jesus Christ!

It's like a roomful of pharmaceutical executives.

(laughing)

You know, I was thinking about this game.

But you know what the catch is.

If you got a dozen kids, you only got 11 chairs.

So who doesn't get a chair, fuck you, you're out.

Right? Yeah. It's brutal. It's brutal.

I mean, these kids, they turn into savages, man, right?

They bite each other. Kick each other.

They poke each other's eyes out.

What sadist invented this game?

And what do they call it Musical Chairs?

There's nothing remotely musical about Musical Chairs, man.

It's like uh, it's like the original Squid Game or something.

(laughing)

You know, I just uh, I got out of prison a couple days ago.

This is a true story.

Thank you. Thank you.

You know, I, um, put in some hard time.

Toughest 14 hours of my life.

But um...uh, yeah, this doctor, doctor.

Fucking doctor.

Tried to push some drugs on my kid, so, you know,

I knocked him out, and uh, they threw me in jail.

Uh, but they offered me a deal.

If I let them give my son the same drugs

they give to the criminally insane, they'd drop

all the charges.

So, I uh took the deal.

My son needed me to go to bat for him

and I sold him right the fuck out.

(sad music)

(Jayne): Where are you? What are you doing? You have a spot.

You need to get back here.

- I'm not coming back.

(Jayne): Listen, Max. I really, really want

you to fly. Really high. I really do.

But you have got to stop bombing the runway.

- You know the bit

I did about the meds and Ez. It's all true, right?

(Jayne): Okay, fine.

Then come back and tell them.

But you gotta come back here.

And they'll understand. Listen, Kimmel loves kids.

- So do I.

(sad piano music)

(Max): Shh. Hey.

Remember when we did that drill down the fire escape?

Okay. You wanna do it again?

You gotta trust me, buddy.

Oh, yeah, I got a nice bed for you back here, Ez.

I got your Star Wars pillow. I got snacks.

It's gonna be fun!

(Stan): Hey. What are you doing?

What are you doing?

(Max): Don't worry about it. Go back in the house.

- What do you mean don't--

Don't worry about it.

You're not taking the car.

(Max): We're just having a little father/son time here.

- You're not taking the car. - It's a thrilla in Manila!

- We're not fighting, Ezra. We're not fighting, okay.

(Ezra): Frazier whipping the mighty Ali in the head!

- There's a court order out for you. Are you crazy?

What are you doing?

- Down goes Frazier! Down goes Frazier!

(Max): I gotta get him to bed, okay. It's late.

- Get in the car, Ezra.

Hey, listen to me, okay? I saw him at that school,

I saw him on those drugs. They were killing him.

I need to get him away from here.

- You're doing it wrong.

- What the hell is the matter with you?

- Pop, I swear to God, just stop, okay. Just stop.

You told me to fight, I'm fighting.

Come on. Let's get in the car, Ez.

- You're not fighting you're running! What are you doing?

- I'm not running. Ezra, get in the car!

- Okay. It's okay.

I got some waffles for you.

- No. There's no waffles. - Ez, get in the car.

- You want some fresh whipped cream?

- Would you stop it please!

(Stan): Listen. We're family. We're the Rice Krispy boys.

He's Snap, you're Crackle, and who am I?

(Ezra): Pop-pop! - That's right! And we're not fighting, we're just sparring.

So show me what you got.

- That's it! And, and-- Oh! - Alright! Knock out!

Good job. Come on, buddy. Come on.

In the car. Come on. Let's go.

(Stan): This is a mistake. (Max): Let's go. Okay. Says who?

(Ezra): Can Pop-Pop come?

- No, Pop-Pop can't come. Pop-Pop's gonna hold the fort down.

Right, Pop-Pop?

- Where are you taking him?

- I'm going to Nick's in Michigan.

- Oh, Jesus. That Greek prick.

Of all the fucking people--

- Stop it. He's my best friend.

- That guy's a fucking thief!

I take him into my house, he steals from me.

- He didn't steal anything. He didn't steal your saucepan.

I'm not stealing your clothes.

Nobody's stealing anything, okay?

(Stan): You're making a mistake. You can't do this.

- You know what? Take this please.

I already got enough problems. Thank you!

(Stan): This is a crazy!

(Max): Say bye, Pop-Pop!

(Ezra): Bye, Pop-Pop! (Max): Bye, Pop-Pop!

(calm rhythmic music)

What the fuck am I doing?

♪ Sisyphus peered into the mist ♪

♪ A stone's throw from the precipice paused ♪

♪ Did he jump or did he fall as he gazed ♪

♪ Into the maw of the morning mist ♪

♪ Did he raise both fists and say ♪

♪ To hell with this and just let the rock roll ♪

♪ Let it roll ♪

♪ Let it crash down low ♪

♪ There's a house down there but I lost it long ago ♪

(knock on door)

(Jenna): Ezzie?

♪ Let it roll ♪

- Good morning. Ezzie? Ezra?

♪ See my house down there but I lost it long ago ♪

Ezzie? Ezra?

Ezra!

(Max): Did you get a good night's sleep?

- No.

(phone ringing)

I bet it's Mom.

- I bet you're right.

- Parental abduction is defined as one parent

taking a child without permission

from the other parent. - Yeah.

- You kidnapped Ezra!

- I can't be kidnapping if I'm his father.

- Of course it can! You have a restraining order!

(Max): I'm saving my son's life.

Ezzie needs somebody to advocate for him

the way you and I used to do together.

You know I'm right.

- No! No, you're not right, Max. You are wrong!

Okay, you need to bring him home now!

(Ezra screams.)

(Jenna): Is that Ezra?!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

(waitress): Let go! - No bananas!

- No bananas! (Max): No bananas!

- Get his inhaler!

- Excuse me! Okay, Ezzie. It's alright, breathe.

Breathe! Breathe.

Breathe. Breathe, alright.

I got you. It's okay. Come on. Come on, come on. Come on.

Come on. Where's the bathroom?

Where's the bathroom? Come on. You're okay.

(phone ringing)

(Max): He's alright.

Look, I didn't know that there were bananas

in the oatmeal, right?

- What you're doing is insane!

(Max): Yeah, I don't think it is.

(Jenna): That's the problem, you're not thinking.

Trust me, this is very

very, very bad. In fact, this is a crime.

Bring him back! Max?

Holy shit! He hung up on me again!

(grunting in frustration)

- You know, you can call the police.

- No, I'm not. I'm not gonna make this worse.

I'm not traumatizing my son.

(phone ringing)

(Max): Hey, buddy.

What's the deal with the bananas?

- I start gagging, and I can't breathe.

- Well, okay, but we know that you're not allergic to bananas, right?

Because we saw that doctor, remember?

So, maybe this banana thing is in your mind, you know?

- Grr-moo, Grr-moo. I'm growling and mooing, what am I?

- I got no idea, but you're freakin' me out there with no shirt on.

- Mad cow disease!

- Oh is that original material?

- Sponge Bob.

- Ah, I see. That's why it wasn't funny.

(piano music)

- Are you going to prison?

- Look, Ez, Dad made a big decision when I was upset,

and that's never a good idea.

- "Bang-bang bitches, I'll cut off his head

and feed him to the fishes!"

- Okay. Maybe no more "Breaking Bad".

Mom might be right about that one.

- Bruce wants to kill you, you can't go home!

Okay, he's definitely not a fan--

- No! That's what he said!

- What? When?

- When I got hit by the cab!

I was coming to Pop-Pop's to warn you about Bruce!

- Okay. Hold that thought, Buddy.

Are you telling me that you didn't run into the street

on purpose? Ezzie?

Ezzie, I need your eyes, okay? This is very important.

Are you saying that you didn't run into the street on purpose?

- Am I nuts? A dog tried to bite me.

- Did you tell Mom this?

- Don't be mad.

- Nobody's mad.

- I wasn't supposed to tell you?

(Max): Yes, of course. Hey. Telling the truth,

that's your biggest super power. Huh? Thanks for telling me.

- You know what? You know what.

I think we gotta dance. I think we gotta dance.

Come on. Let's find a good station.

Ah! There it is. Can you move your butt muscles?

Come on. Let's go. Move it up.

Into your chest.

Into your shoulders. Ah, yeah! Let it roll.

Let it roll. Down to the ass.

Back up to the shoulders.

Now some pops. Some claps. Elbows up.

Ah, yeah, let 'em roll.

Let 'em roll. Come on. Up into your chest, dude.

Into your chest, Ezzie. Yeah, yeah, that's it.

Let it roll. Let it roll.

♪ Express yourself ♪

(Ezra): I need to rinse!

(Max): Coming.

(phone ringing)

- Hi. Jayne. - Where the hell are you?

- I'm just taking a little time off with Ez.

- Not a good time to take off, Max.

- Yeah. I know. I-I screwed up.

- Yes, you did. And they were pissed!

- Yeah, look I had a bad night. It happens, right?

(Jayne): No. Sal Argento had a bad night.

- Yeah.

I guess he had something, right?

No. What's something is having a manager who gets Jimmy Kimmel

to watch the video.

- Video? What...what video?

- The one I made with

my phone! He wants to book you.

- What?

(Ezra): I need to rinse!

(Jayne): So you have to get yourself

to L.A. They're not gonna fly you.

Is that gonna be a problem?

- Uh, no. When?

- Next Friday, 4 PM in the Kimmel studio.

- Rinse!

- Okay. Alright. I'm coming.

(Jayne): He loved you, Max.

(Max): He loved me, really?

I love you, Jayne.

(Jayne): You're full of shit.

Bye.

- Rinse!

(Max): Okay. I'm coming. I'm coming. Hey, ow! Shit!

That's boiling hot! Come on, get out! Get out! Get out!

Get out! Come on. What-what are you doing?

Why--couldn't you feel it? It's hot!

- I don't--I don't feel hot!

- Okay, it's hot though. Okay? Look at your arms.

They're all red!

- Mom checks the temperature!

- That's fine, but if you see steam, it means

it's too hot, okay?

- It's my stupid brain!

- Stop, no. - Stupid! Stupid!

Stupid! Stupid! - Stop that, okay? Stop that. You're not stupid!

You're not--stop hitting yourself.

Hey, hey, you're not stupid. You're not stupid.

You're smart, okay?

If you see steam, it means it's too hot.

Easy peasy, okay?

- It's on the cards.

- We don't have the fucking cards! I'm sorry.

- Mom uses Bactine.

- Oh, yeah? Well, guess what.

We don't have Bactine, so you and I,

we're gonna have to figure it out together, alright?

There we go. Nice.

You know what? I got a better idea.

I got a better idea. Let go.

Here. Ready? Come on. Stand up. Arms up.

- Huh? - Armpits. Isn't this fun?

Huh? Does Mom do stuff like this? No?

I didn't think so. Okay. We got this!

- Why do you always yell?

- Because Pop-Pop used to lock me in the attic

chained to a radiator.

I had to yell so he'd remember to feed me!

- There are no radiators in attics!

- You are good.

Nothing gets past you.

Boom. There you go.

I want to talk to you about something.

I just got off the phone with Aunt Jayne.

Turns out Jimmy Kimmel wants me to be on his show

in Los Angeles.

- That's far.

- Yeah, it is far. Did you get the part about

Jimmy Kimmel wanting me to be a guest on his show?

Yeah. So you got anyting for me?

Any advice for your dad?

- Be polite.

Be polite. Anything else?

- Nope. Now stop asking me.

- Okay. But where am I gonna get my mojo from?

- Mojo man!

- That's right. Good. Okay.

Let's have a staring contest.

- I don't want to.

- Come on. For me? Please - No.

- Please? Pretty please? - No.

- What if I make it worth your while?

- If I win, we go trick or treat?

- Yeah. Deal.

- Ready? Come on. First one to blink loses.

- Go. One, two three, four.

- Are you autistic?

- Five, six seven...

- Mom says you are.

- ..eight, Mom thinks everyone is autistic. Nine...

- She thinks you got it from Pop-Pop, who gave it to you,

and you gave it to me.

- Listen to me. Nobody knows for sure, okay, honey?

Nobody. But it doesn't matter 'cause you're awesome.

Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen...

- Does mom love me?

Seventeen.

Buddy, Mom loves you more than anything in the world.

Yeah. Okay, she and I were just having a disagreement right now.

- You blinked! I win!

- Oh, you did so good.

You did so good! You win!

Good job, buddy.

Let's go. Bring it. Yeah, baby! Whoo!

(doorbell ringing)

(Jenna): Stan, can you open up, please!

(knocking on door)

Stan! We need to talk!

Stan?

(knocking on door) Hey, I know you're in there!

Open the door!

Open the door!

Stan, just talk to me, please? I'm worried about them.

(knocking on door)

Please?

You don't give a shit!

Huh? You're going to let Max ruin his life again!

They're your boys too!

Jerk!

(rock hitting the window)

(car engine starting)

(upbeat music)

♪ Watching a stretch of road ♪

♪ Miles of light explode ♪

♪ Drifting off a thing ♪

♪ I'd never done before ♪

♪ Watching a crowd roll in ♪

♪ Out go the lights it begins ♪

(man): Whoo hoo!

Hey! There they are!

(Max): Hey!

- Ezzie! Get on out here

and give your Uncle Nickie a hug!

Come on, come here!

Hey, where you going?

Oh, I got you. Oh, that's it.

That's it! You're so dead! Oh!

- Hi!

I'm Margaret.

How are you?

Wanna help me set the table? Come on.

(Nick): Oh! Look at you!

(Max): No chance! Jesus Christ, man. Huh?

- Bottomless s'mores when you run a camp.

Endless s'mores.

- Can you get that?

I'm not gonna carry anything.

- Okay. What's up with the uh, the bad habit there?

- That's Sister Margaret from Senegal.

- Oh. That's way outta town.

- Yeah. She's uh, staying with a family in Ann Arbor.

She goes to Michigan.

You know that they want nuns to have a Bachelor's degree?

(Max): Why the fuck would I know that?

- I mean, can you imagine that?

Four years of college before you can say your vows.

But as long as she's on my staff,

Catholic church pays half my expenses.

- Huh. Scammin' the Vatican. I'm proud of you.

- Yeah, huh. (Ezra): There's no cheese on it.

- Wait til you try it.

It's incredible she uses ancient Senegalese spices.

(Margaret): I got the spice from Costco.

- Whoa! That sounds exotic! Costco.

(Nick): I thought...I thought you brought it from Senegal.

(Margaret): You're mixing up the cheeses.

(Nick): And she puts goat, she puts goat in the lasagna.

(Margaret): What's wrong?

- Metal hurts my teeth.

- Okay. But you know, plastic hurts the planet. So...

(Nick): I got some plastic right in the store room, I can just--

- No, no. We're okay. We're gonna-we're gonna use the fork.

(Margaret): It's okay, I can--

(Max): It's mind over matter just like the bananas.

Come on, Ezzie, try it.

Ezzie. E-Ez, come on. That's not polite.

Pick up the fork and try it please. Ez?

- I need plastic. Mom has plastic!

- Okay. Well, Mom's not here. Ezra.

Where you going? Ezra.

(Ezra): I need plastic! You don't listen to me!

- Ez, come on. Come on back please.

- It hurts me! Like a razor-sharp!

- Ezzie! - It's not in my mind!

- Ezzie! Ezra, come and sit down!

- I'm not taking it!

- I'll make you a deal. I'll let you eat with your fingers

if you try a fork once.

- It hurts! It hurts!

- Once, Ezra.

- I would take that deal.

- I need plastic!

- Plus, I'm gonna use my fingers, too.

- So will I.

(Max): Once, Ezzie?

Deal?

(Nick): Okay! Let's do it! Let's get to work!

Alright! Come on, Max.

Join the party.

Join the lasagna party. Now--oh, God.

Oh, man Of course.

- They each shouldered the heavy pack

and the water skin which was their share.

Then turned from the light that lay on the lands outside

then plunged into the forest."

(emotional piano music)

- You can go now.

- Ezzie, did you just...

for me?

- You can go now. Okay. Goodbye.

- Okay.

(Margaret): Max, oh, my goodness,

I have a crush on your son.

- He'll break your heart.

- Don't worry. I can take it.

- Alright, but you know what? If there's no future, Sister

let's not lead him on.

- Hey, hey. I haven't taken my vows yet.

(Nick and Max): Oh! Uh-oh.

(chuckles)

(Nick): Okay.

(Margaret): Good night.

(Nick): Good night.

(Margaret): Smoking, huh? The wages of sin is death.

(Max): Did she just bless you?

- She does it every time she leaves.

I think it's making me a better man.

Look I don't want to be sacrilegious,

but I think this could be love.

- Hey. I'm Greek-Orthodox, and we don't go there.

Okay? And she, oh, she's a holy spirit.

Alright. Here you go.

- I'm just saying, man.

House in the woods, summer camp, hot nun.

(laughing)

- Yeah, it sure beats telling dick jokes

to drunken tourists.

- Hey, it's a living.

- It wasn't for me.

So why are you here?

- What do you mean? I needed a little Nicky.

- You got a little bit of Nicky, and uh,

Nicky's a little concerned.

You haven't signed the papers yet, have you?

- Seriously?

(heavy sigh)

That's it. You blew my high.

- Are you gonna cry?

Do you wanna cry?

You wanna let it go?

Come to Papa Bear. Come on.

- I tried to give her everything, Nick.

- But where would she put it?

(laughing together)

- God bless Steven Wright.

- Ah. "All those who believe in psychokinesis

raise my hand."

- I broke into Jenna's house in the middle of the night,

and I kidnapped Ezra.

(Nick laughing)

- Alright. I'll play along.

Why did you break into Jenna's house and kidnap Ezra?

- Ezzie snuck out of Jenna's and got hit by a cab.

- What?

His doctor said he might've done it on purpose.

- Shit!

You think that was true?

- No! Wha--are you kidding me?

Every day he wakes up, that kid chooses life.

- Oh, good. That's good.

- So why'd you do it?

- Jenna thinks he should go to a special needs school,

and I don't. - Why not?

- Because in public school, you know, he'll learn

how to fight, learn how to protect himself.

- What are you the great Santini?

What are you-what are you talking about?

- I see people move away from Ez, right?

If he has a temper tantrum, or if he's just walking

down the street.

You know, people aren't trying to be mean,

it's just that it's easier.

You know the word autism comes from the Greek

"In your own world."

I don't want him in his own world, Nick. I...

I I want him in this world.

(sighs)

(Nick sighs.)

- You make it back okay?

(Stan): Put Max on the phone.

- Oh my God. Oh... I don't have your pan.

(Stan): Hello? Hello?

- Yeah, I'm right here, Pop.

- What do you think, the world stopped for you to hang out with this idiot?

(Nick): Hey!

- What are you talking about?

She took my son I took him back!

- You made a promise, you didn't keep your promise.

She's throwing rocks at my window now.

- Hang up the phone.

(Stan): Hello? I'm coming there

tomorrow! (Nick and Max): No!

(Stan): Then listen to me carefully.

Call Ezzie's mom.

You hear me? Call Ezzie's mom.

- I don't have your pan.

(phone ringing)

- Where are you?

- Uh...Don't worry about it.

(Jenna): Where are you? Where are you?

You know, Jen, I gotta say, in spite of everything

that we've been through, I really believed you

when you said that no matter what, we were gonna

treat each other like family, and we were gonna be honest

with each other. Remember you said that?

- You haven't been honest, Max.

You took him, and you need to bring him home!

(Max): Let me ask you something. Did Ezra

tell you that the reason he ran into the street was because

he thought he was gonna get bit by a dog?

- Yes, I mean, what difference does it make?

He ran out of the house in his pajamas barefoot,

and he nearly got hit by a cab!

- Yeah, beause he heard your boyfriend saying

he was gonna kill me.

He was coming to warn me.

- Okay, you're scaring me now, Max.

(Max): I'm scaring you?

- What did you ask your boyfriend?

You know Ezzie doesn't lie!

- Okay. Hey, hey, you're right. You are family. You are.

But you need to just bring him home now. Okay?

Come home, and we'll talk about all of this.

None of this is easy, but all I ever

wanted was just to protect our boy.

- Well, I'm protecting him now. And leave my father alone.

(woman): You waited four days to call about a missing child

taken by a man you're divorcing, who has a restraining

order keeping him from seeing that child.

Is that about right?

(Jenna): I know how it sounds.

He's his father.

(man): You don't think he'd hurt your son, do you?

- No. No, no, absolutely not.

- Alright. Um, let's make a few calls.

We'll see if we can find him, and um, put a trace on his phone.

- No disrespect, Mike but no. I'm sorry, Miss, but right now,

I'm not feelin' good about this. You understand?

- Yeah, I understand.

- Good, because from a missing and exploited child perspective,

we need to issue an Amber Alert now.

- Are you sure this situation warrants--

- Margo, let's just start with a missing person's report?

- Amber is for situations exactly like this one.

And we're late, ma'am. I'm afraid it's not your decision.

(calm music)

(Nick): Hey! That's nice. Thank you.

- All packed up and ready to go.

(Nick): Okay. I don't think that kid's ready to go though.

You see him over there making lanyards with Sister Margaret.

(Max): Yeah.

- The kid's trying to steal my girl.

(Max): They look good together.

- I think it's the autism. Chick's dig it.

Sometimes I think I might be on the spectrum.

- I think you check a lot of the boxes.

- Yeah.

But nah, I just think you're a strange dude.

- Yeah, I'm just, uncomfortable in social situations.

(Max): It's good you're out here.

- Yeah. Keeps me away from... (Max): Everyone.

- People. - Yeah.

(sighs)

You guys are welcome to stay.

- Oh, buddy. I'd love to stay, but we can't.

We gotta be in L.A.

- What's in L.A.?

- I booked Kimmel.

- Are you...are you fucking--

- Yeah, it's not-- - You wouldn't lead with that?

That's amazing!

- Yeah, it's okay.

- Max, come on! Kimmel, that's great!

- Yeah. - Best I did is get bumped

from Arsenio. Worst night of my life.

Hasselhoff segment ran long.

(chuckles) I'll tell you what you go to L.A.,

you work on your set, you get relaxed, you get focused,

you get centered take care of yourself.

Leave Ezra with me. Me and Margaret will take care of him-

- I can't do it buddy. I can't do it. I gotta have him with me.

- Why not? - Because I need him.

He keeps my feet on the ground.

- Alright, fine.

I'll bake you a cake and bring it to you in prison.

- Okay, well, make sure you throw Stan's saucepan in there.

- I don't have the pan.

(whistles)

- Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Carlton. Have a lovely day.

(Stan chuckles.)

- Where are they?

(Stan): What do you mean? Just call him.

- He doesn't answer. He's just like you.

- I can't talk. I'm working. I can't. Hello Missus C.

And how are you today, young lady?

- Hi, Stan! - Score a goal, there's a box

of Cracker Jacks in there for you.

(Miss. C): Cracker Jacks are no good for her teeth, Stan.

- There's going to be an Amber Alert.

- What do you mean? You called the cops on him?

- Where is Ezzie?

- He's with his father. You shouldn't have done that.

That's a...that's a very bad thing to do.

- I did a bad thing?

- Yes. You're making it so he can't see him.

- Max did that! - What did you expect him to do?

- Not kidnap him!

- You made it kid! You made it kidnapping. Ugh!

- Please. Please

Stan, I don't...

- How could you do that? Amber Alert.

Do you know what that is?

- I don't wanna fight.

- Well, I don't wanna fight either, but all of a sudden

you don't believe in him

now you're gonna Amber Alert--

- I got tired of not knowing what he was gonna do on any given day.

- I'm already so tired with Ezzie, please.

I just...I'm scared. I'm tired. I'm alone. And I need help.

Rice Krispies boys make me really tired.

- Alright, well, we're gonna have to...

we're gonna have to get to 'em before the cops do.

- We? - Yeah, we. Yeah.

When shift ends, we start driving.

It'll take eleven hours to get to Michigan.

Hopefully, get to them by tomorrow.

- He's at Nick's?

- Yes. He's with Nick. I'm not happy about that, but yes.

Unfortunately, we're going to Nick's. Yeah.

(Max): I have a self-destructive personality.

It's okay 'cause I recently had a breakthrough.

After thousands of hours of hypnosis therapy, I finally met my inner child.

(laughing)

And he had a gun.

(laughing)

Yeah, oh, hey. What's up, little guy? Whoa.

Okay. Well, what?

Okay, come on. Put-put the gun down. Put the gun down.

I'm trying to do a show here.

Can you get back in my psyche please?

Thank you.

Anyway, my therapist said to me: "Max, you're an adult now".

You don't need your inner child. He can't help you anymore.

I said, oh yeah, really, Mark?

He's got a gun. What do you got?

I'm taking this little sociopath with me everywhere I go.

Thank you, Lansing!

Great audience. Have a great night!

(crowd cheering)

(presenter): Come on, everybody, let's hear it for Max Bernal!

(applause)

- Whiskey neat and another pineapple juice for my manager here.

(bartender): Pineapple juice coming right up.

- You really should get the boy home.

- Okay

- He's your son, right? - Uh, yeah.

That's uh, that's my son.

- It's after twelve. I was watching him.

He doesn't seem happy here.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.

You were watching him during my set?

And now I'm offended. - Dad, dad!

- I got this, Ez. I got.

- No child should be in this club.

Especially not a child with issues.

- Issues. - Yeah.

I can't really hear. Let me ask you something.

Do I come to where you work and knock the cock outta your mouth?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

That's my wife. - Oh, really?

I'm sorry to hear that, but she should mind

her own fucking business. - Hey, hey, hey!

(indistinct shouting)

(Ezra): Dad!

(woman screaming): Ow!

(Max): Come on, Ezra!

(Ezra): They were the owners.

- Like I said, Ez, I didn't know.

- They were the owners.

- We covered this already, okay? That's enough now.

- I wanna go home.

- Hey, buddy, I'm sorry, okay?

- I want to go home!

- It was my bad, okay, listen to me, Ezzie, okay?

Sometimes life's gonna get messy, okay?

And if it does, that's okay.

You know, people say life's gotta be neat.

It's gotta be nice, but it doesn't. You hearin' me?

- Yes.

- Okay. Alright, that's good.

Go to sleep. That's...that's a good idea.

- I really appreciate this, Stan.

A mother's job is never done. Or a father's.

(chuckles)

- I guess I don't even know anymore.

(calm music)

Here. Turn here. Here.

There he is. There he is. Get close. Okay. Okay.

- Shit!

(Stan): Look at the guilt on your face.

- What are you doing?

(Stan): What am I doing?

Run, Zorba, run!

(Nick): Get off my property!

- Yeah, run! Come on, run!

(Nick): Fuck you, Stan! (Stan): Yeah, fuck you!

(Nick): Come on! I told you, I don't know where they went!

(Jenna): I thought you had more sense, Nick.

- Yeah, well, I thought you had a heart, Jenna.

Think about Ezra!

- My kid is out there! (Nick): Oh! Oh! Oh!

(Jenna): Where is he, or I'm gonna plunge this in your heart

right now unless you tell me exactly where they are!

Where are they?

- They went to go do Kimmel in L.A.!

- He got Kimmel?

- I know. He booked Kimmel.

Can you believe it? I mean... He's funny but...

wait, please don't tell Max that I ratted him out.

I'm not strong.

Ow! - Stop whining!

- God!

- Meet me in the car. I've got some unfinished business.

- Please. Please don't leave me alone with him.

Okay, I'm going to put this in as loving a way as possible.

You need help!

(metal clatter)

- Oh, hi this is Jayne Green's assistant.

I was wanting to confirm the date and time

for Max Bernal's appearance.

Yes, I uh, accidentally deleted an email.

Oh, great! Thank you so much.

Appreciate it. Take care.

- Let's go.

- I'm gonna get a coffee.

(Ezra): Ooh, there's candy.

- Hey, you've had enough sugar.

Uh, can I have a black coffee please?

- Sure thing. - Thanks.

Hey, dude, where can I get a local motel you can suggest?

- Uh, yeah you got the Jersey plates, right?

The '71 Eldo. - Yes!

- Sweet. - Yeah. Hey, hey, sir.

You you got a great, great eye for cars.

- Only sort of. My grandma's got an Eldo.

So five exits, Best Western, includes breakfast and biscuits.

- Oh. Great. Which way? That way?

- That way, yeah. - Hey, look I'm on TV!

- Oh, yeah, look at that, buddy. Your commercial's running everywhere.

- It's $2. - Yeah.

Child actor. We're on our way to Hollywood

for a big screen test.

- Not true. - Why don't you go wait

for me in the car, yeah?

- Hey, wait! Have I seen you in anything?

- "Sanford and Son". It will be remade!

Hey, let get your autograph. Sign it, to Tim.

- "You'll never catch me alive, Tim!"

(door closes)

(Max): Checkpoint. What the hell?

Whoa! (Ezra): What's wrong?

- Nothing! Go back to sleep, buddy. Come on, it's late.

- What are you doing?!

- Just taking a shortcut. - To where?

- Best campsite in Nebraska. (Ezra): This isn't a shortcut!

- Yeah, it is! (Ezra): No it's not!

(Max): Shit!

Ez? Ezra are you okay? Ezzie?

- I want to go home!

- Ez. Ez! Fuck! Fuck! Hey, come on. Buddy!

- Okay. Where are you? Ez?

Ezzie?

Fuck! Ezzie!

Ezzie!

Ez!

Ezzie!

Hey! Stop!

(Ezra): No!

- Stop!

Hey! Hey! I said stop, okay?

- Ow! - Stop!

I said stop!

I told you to stop!

- What are you gonna do? Hit me?

You wanna hit me? Come on, hit me!

- No! I'm...I'm not, I'm not.

No, I just...you scared me, buddy. You freaked me out.

I'm sorry. Okay?

- Why did you take me?

Why did you take me if you don't know how to help me?

- I don't know, buddy. You're my superhero.

I just...you're everything.

You're my mojo.

- I'm not your superhero!

I'm not your mojo! I'm not your buddy!

I'm your son!

- And you're my dad!

My dad! My dad! My dad! My dad! My dad!

- Okay. Okay.

(sobbing)

(Ezra): I hate you. I hate you.

(Stan): Hello?

- Pop?

- Hello?

(Max): I almost hit my kid.

- What happened? What happened?

(Max): I almost-- - What?

(Max): I almost hit Ezra. - Where are you?

(Max): Shit I...I'm in the woods.

- Where, where, where?

- The fucking woods. I don't know where, okay?

I just...I almost hit Ezra, and I--I don't know

where to put all this, Pop.

I don't know where to put all this fucking rage.

- You don't put it anywhere, you just, you bury it.

- Yeah, okay. But I'm asking you, what do I do?

- You know what to do!

(Max): I don't know what to do, man. I'm in a forest.

I'm losing my shit, and I don't know what to do,

so I thought that maybe just maybe,

you might just be like a normal dad and give me some fucking advice!

(Stan): Max, shut up. What are you talking about?

I'm trying to talk to you about it now.

And you want some advice? I'll give you some advice.

It's this simple. Bite your arm off, tie yourself to a tree,

do whatever you need to do to hit your kid.

It's that simple.

You understand? Look what happened with us.

It killed me. You cannot hit him. You cannot hit him!

- Okay, I--yeah, I get it.

(Stan): Are you sure you do? Because if you did,

you'd know it's time to throw in the towel

on this stupid trip.

- It's not a stupid trip. (Stan): Yes, it is.

- It's not, Pop. It's not stupid.

- Yes, it is. It's stupid.

How are you gonna feel if you end up back in jail?

Then what?

(sighs over the phone)

Where are you? I'll come get you.

- Fuck. Fuck.

(Jenna): You can't even say the word.

(Stan): It's just a word.

- Autism.

- Yeah, whatever.

(chuckles)

- Saying it out loud, it'll help Ezzie in his life.

Nah, you know, I don't... I'm not sure about that.

- We gotta be able to talk about this and not...

- Okay, tell me. What do you want to talk about?

- Be hiding, okay? I don't want to be hiding about it.

I want to talk about it. I want to give it a name.

I want to get, I want to get all the help we can get.

- Who's hiding? Who's hiding? Nobody's hiding.

- Max is hiding him right now! He took him, he's hiding him!

He's afraid of him! - He's taking him somewhere.

You think he's gonna kill him? He's gonna--

- I don't think...of course I don't think that.

- What do you think he's gonna do?

- Of course I don't think that. He's scaring me.

- You know he's gonna take him somewhere or do something.

But it doesn't mean he's gonna do anything bad to him.

- I don't know. The fragility of Max and his mental state,

and his situ...he's...he flies off the handle.

He doesn't know how to control Ezzie.

He doesn't know everything that he needs.

- No, he doesn't. But neither do you. Nobody knows.

- I...

- It's what it is. It's a condition that just is there.

We have to deal with it.

And I know you, I know you think my side

gave him what you say he's got.

- I never said that. - You didn't have to.

- I never said that.

- And my wife did the same thing.

I had the same fights with her.

- Do not compare me to his mother.

- Well, I'm not comparing you, but--

- Don't compare me to his mother.

- I'm not comparing you,

but there is a similarity. I'm sorry.

- I-- - It is what it is.

- I devoted my life to this family. I'm devoting my life

to this family. That woman abandoned him.

I don't even know what happened because you don't talk

about it, and Max doesn't talk about it,

so nobody talks about anything.

But, but what she did was unforgivable.

Don't compare me to her.

How dare you.

- It was a, it was a long time ago, so it's all over with now.

(Ezra): I can't believe you grew up around here.

(Max): Yeah, I know, right?

Pop-Pop met my mother in New York, and then,

well, we all moved to Nebraska.

- Why did your mother leave?

- Uh...you know, it's funny, buddy. I don't really know.

- That's not funny.

(Max): You're right. It's not funny.

You know, I just, I woke up one morning, and she was gone.

And I guess, uh, I guess after so many years,

I just worked it out for myself that she must have been pretty

sad to do something like that, right?

- She was a terrible mother.

- You're right. She was.

She was.

Alright, come on.

Let's go. Hey, folks, thank you again. Thank you so much.

(woman): Bye. (man): Be safe now.

- What a nice couple, right? I bet...I bet

they've been together since they were your age.

- I'm going to die a virgin.

- What? No, that's bullshit.

Someone out there who loves dinosaurs,

Dostoevsky and "Family Guy". You watch.

- And live action D and D. - And live action D and D.

- There you go. You know what you want.

(Ezra): What are we doing here? (Max sighs.)

(Max): The lady who lives here is an old friend of your dad's.

(Ezra): This place looks like a demon movie waiting to happen.

(Max laughs.) - Let's hope not, huh? Ah!

(knocks on door)

- Oh my God! - Oh, hey!

- What... - Hi.

- Oh, no! - Hi, Grace.

- Hi! What are you doing here?

(Max): That's a, that's a long story. Um...

Grace, this is Ezra.

- Nice to meet you, Ezra. I've heard a lot about you.

- I never heard about you.

- Yeah. (Ruby): Who's here, Mom?

- Oh, wow. You're...

(chuckles) - This is my Ruby.

- Way different from your baby picture.

- I hope so.

Hi.

(Grace): This is an old friend, Max.

- And his son Ezra.

- Hi. Do you wanna come play with Harper and me?

Come on, Harper!

- This is a surprise.

- Yeah, I know.

- Mmm. - You think we can go inside?

I'm kind of a fugitive from the law.

- What the hell?

- I'm not joking.

(dog barking)

- Harper!

(Ezra): Does...does Harper always follow you?

- All the time.

- Lucky dog.

(girl): Get off of me! (laughing)

Ridgeway tried to push me into Jack's pond.

- You loved it!

(girl): You wish!

(boy): You moving on my girl, man?

- I'm not his girl.

(boy): Introduce us, Rubes.

- Ezra, Ridgeway and Cally.

- Where you from?

- He's from back east.

- Wow, look at him go.

- Please don't be a dick.

- "No one cared who I was until I put on the mask."

- That was pretty random, freak.

- "Who is Bane? Why does he wear the mask?"

Dark Knight is my obsession.

Let's go.

(Grace): So tell me again.

- Oh. I just ran out of patience.

- Which happens to all parents.

- Yeah, but what I was seeing he wasn't safe.

- And now he is?

(Max): He's safe to me.

(sighs) - I don't know, Max.

(Max): What?

- Why don't you let me call Jenna?

- No, no, no. I already called her, okay?

She knows he's okay.

- Okay. Yeah. I'm not going to fight you on it, alright.

So eat your sandwich, wash up, and hitchhike off to L.A.

(Max): Look, I know this all seems insane, but...

- Yeah. - But I didn't know

where else to go. So...

- So let me help you.

- I can't I got, I gotta finish this, Grace. I do.

You know that kid is the one thing that I can't get wrong.

- That's right. That's right, you can't. Because he's perfect.

- No. He's not, Grace. He's not perfect.

And everybody's trying to make him be just like everybody else, me included.

Right? And then that one day he might magically

wake up and become the coolest, most amped up

and normal kid that's ever walked the face of the earth.

And that is not gonna happen.

It's not.

It's not. It's never gonna happen.

So, I have to protect him you know,

and if I can't protect him, well then he's not gonna make it.

And I--

- Do you want Caramel or Fudge?

(boy): Both.

(girl): You're so bad.

- Oh, my God! You have to try this, Ezra!

Come on. I won't take no for an answer.

- Uh-uh.

- You won't regret it.

- How good is that?

You okay?

(Grace): Yeah, I mean, nobody uses it.

- Oh, my God.

- Here she is!

- Oh! I gotta lay hands on her.

Oh, I'm getting the vibes.

We did everything in this bucket.

(laughs) - You know what?

If she starts, take her.

(Max): Really?

Okay. Thank you.

I'll-I'll get it back to you just as soon

all this blows over.

- It's okay. It's gonna be fine, Max.

It's gonna be fine.

You just need to stop biting the dog.

- What, what do you mean?

- Sixth grade.

A dog was coming toward us, and you bit the dog?

- Oh! Yeah, well... - You bit it!

- I was, I was trying to protect you.

(Grace): Oh, right. Come on! - I was protecting you.

(Grace): Come on, the dog wasn't even gonna bite me,

or you. The poor thing ran off with its tail between its legs.

- Yeah?

- Listen not everyone is trying to bite you, Max.

(Ruby): You want to feed him?

Have you ever ridden one before?

How would you feel if you left here and didn't even

pet one of these gorgeous animals?

- Like a loser.

- Okay. So, let's start with how to greet a horse.

You approach a horse from the side, so he can see you.

Then you pat him right here on the side of his face.

Then you say in the nicest way, "Hello Bosco."

- Hello, "Pasture King."

I bet he likes pastures.

- And he likes you.

- You can tell?

- You bet.

Just look him in the eye.

Looking a horse in the eye is like sharing your soul.

You just made a friend for life.

(emotional music)

Uh, mom, Tom's at the door.

(Grace): Ooh!

(Max): Who's Tom?

- Alright, uh, Max keys are in the car.

- Okay. Callie, Ridgeway, show him the horse trail.

Ruby take Ezra. Go get his bags.

- Okay. - Go. Go! Go!

- Okay, don't forget your dinosaur, okay?

Go, go.

- Hey. I'm sorry.

(Max sighs.) - That's okay.

(Ruby): Okay.

(Grace): Hey Tom, what's up?

- Sorry to bother you, Grace. I got a couple swear

they gave a father and kid a ride

and dropped them off here. Seems the father kidnapped

the kid from New Jersey.

- That's horrible. What can I do?

- I'm sorry. Would you mind if I had a look around?

This woman's really upset. - No, not at all.

Come on in, Tom. Yeah.

- Thanks. It'll just be a minute.

- Hey! Don't flood it!

(Ezra): I guess this is it.

(small grunt)

(boy): Alright you two get a room!

- "I don't mean to be rude, but that was not as easy

as it looked so I would appreciate it

if you wouldn't distract me."

- "Princess Bride." Kid's a genius.

(piano music)

(Ezra): Can we get a horse?

(Max): Dude, we live in Hoboken.

- Yeah. That's what I thought.

(Max): Hey, Ez you understand why I'm doing this, don't you?

- Of course. You want to be on Jimmy Kimmel. Any father would.

- No, no. That's not it.

I mean, sure, but...it's more than that.

You know how Pop-Pop gave up being a chef

and then he took that job as a doorman?

Well, he did that for me.

- That makes no sense.

- Well, that makes perfect sense actually, buddy.

Because, because a dad's job is to take his son

down the field.

- What field?

- Any field, you know. Football field.

- Football causes brain injuries.

- Okay, that's true, but in this case, it's a metaphor, right?

- Right.

- So...so a dad's gotta...

he's gotta go down that field, right?

And if he gets tackled before he scores...

- Game over.

- Except that it's not.

'Cause all that dad wants,, right, is for that kid

to pick up that ball where his dad got tackled

and to take it the rest of the way.

- Touchdown!

- Exactly. He's gotta keep going until he scores.

Anyway. That's why I'm going to Kimmel.

- You're a good dad.

(yawning)

- You want some coffee?

- Yeah. Love some. Why don't you get a table

in the House of Pies over there.

I'll meet you right there. I just wanna fill it up.

- I'll see you inside.

- See you inside.

- What do you wanna drink?

- "Life's a sport, drink it up."

- Okay. What's that code for?

- "Looks like we've got another mystery on our hands."

- I love the quotes, okay, but not for every situation right?

This nice lady's got her work to do.

- Iced tea, please.

- My man, Ezra.

Dropping quotes and flying without a net

so that he could order himself a--

- "Iced tea, please."

(laughing together)

Where you going?

- Hey, what's going on? My name's Ezra.

And I'm going to tell you all a joke.

Where do horses go when they're sick?

To the horsepital!

Thank you!

You've been a wonderful audience!

- Wow! First original joke.

I'm proud of you.

- New material's not easy!

- Hey, buddy, I'm gonna go um, wash my hands, ok?

I'll be right back.

(Ezra): Okay. - Okay.

- To the horsepital.

To the horsepital.

- What? What are you doing here?

- Never mind about that. Listen, I need to--

- How did you find me?

How did you find me all the way out here?

- We were at the House of Pies. I saw you over here.

- Who? We who? - Me and Jenna. She's there.

It's okay.

- Je--okay.

Oh, Pop, you got some balls. Listen to me.

- Will you shut up? - No, you shut up. Listen to me.

I'm talking to you. You go back to the House of Pies

and you never saw me.

- Shut up. I'm trying to tell you something.

I'm not here to stop you.

I'm here to apologize.

(Max): For what? - Well--look.

I'm sorry.

I...you know, I...that's all. I'm sorry.

- What are you talking about? What happened to you? What?

- Your mother left, and...and I loved her,

but I...I was impossible to live with.

And I never really told you about any of that.

And so, I'm...I'm sorry.

What do you mean? Mom left because I was a pain in the ass.

- No - That's what you told me.

- I was the pain in the ass. It was me.

All I ever did was fight. And every fight I ever had

was against someone I thought had it in for me.

And those kinds of fights you never really win.

Because they just go from one person to another

until there's nobody left.

And then when I wasn't fighting, I was...

I was...I was hiding in restaurant kitchens,

boxing gyms. Now I'm hiding holding doors open

for strangers.

I hid because I didn't know what else to do.

I didn't know how to do what I see you doing.

- What? - You're fighting for something that means something.

Maybe it's too much, but you're trying to do the right thing.

And you're in the fight of your life for your son.

And if you get arrested, you're gonna get arrested.

But as far as I'm concerned, you're my heavyweight champion.

'Cause I had a problem.

I had a problem with your mother, and I'll never forget.

I wish that I had done what you did.

You might have to suffer consequences,

but it's worth it 'cause you did it for the right reasons.

You did it because you love your kid.

Taking him out of the bed in the middle of the night

- A felony. - No, no, no.

It took a lot of courage.

Believe it or not, it might've been the best thing you ever could've done.

And what you're always worried about, not having a family,

you gotta stop that.

And I'm here, and Ezzie's there, and the woman

in the House of Pies, well...it'll all be alright

with her. And that will all work itself out eventually.

But you gotta know, that you have a family that loves you

and needs you and that cares about you.

Now be careful.

- Okay. - I gotta get back.

- Okay. - Okay.

(intense piano music)

(Max): Right, you recognize any of these names, buddy?

(Ezra): Yeah. Sidney Poitier.

"They call me Mr. Tibbs."

- Of course. Stupid question. My bad.

- "Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."

Dorothy is Liza Minelli's mom.

- Okay. - And that's a fact.

- Pick up the pace, okay. Come on.

- "Crying? There's no crying in baseball!"

(laughs)

(Max): Come on.

(Max): Is Jimmy here?

- He might stop in to say hi.

- Oh, good. My son's a big fan.

- No, I'm not.

(Stan): Park there.

(Jenna): This is handicap. (Stan): Yeah. Take the spot.

(Jenna): It's handicap. (Stan): Take that spot.

(man): Do as much of your set as you want for the soundcheck.

(Max): How's the uh, how's the mojo today, good?

Good till the last drop.

- Hey, Max. - Yeah.

- See the box? - Uh-huh.

- Don't step outside the box, don't look at Jimmy,

and do not go over your time. You good?

- Jesus. At ease. Yeah. A little better.

- I hope so. Ezra, I got a front row seat for you.

- Okay! Check, check, check. Is that mic down over there?

That's it? Great. Thanks.

How's everybody doing tonight? Good? No.

Ah I gotta stay in the box.

I better stay in the box.

- Hi there. Hi, did Max Bernal arrive with a young boy?

- Both very handsome.

(Max): I just have a way of looking at things

through a negative lens.

Which makes sense, you know, I was a breach baby.

My dad says I came out with a black eye.

He says I popped out, and the first thing I said was:

"Who thought this was a good idea?"

(agent): He's right through here.

(Max): My son came up to me the other day,

he said: "Dad, you're an awfulizer."

I said: "honey, I don't think awfulizer is a word."

He says: "yes, it is".

- Yeah! - There he is, my son.

You know what, I think he might

be on to something actually. I think I am an awfulizer.

Because truth be told I can take any situation

and just make it worse.

(agent): Mister Bernal.

I'm Special Agent Costa.

FBI.

We're here to take you into custody.

(Max): Okay. I-I can't believe this. Can you not do

this in front of my kid?

- Hi Ezra. I'm Jessica.

We're going to take a little walk, alright?

(Max): I've travelled all the way across the country with my son.

(agent): I understand that you came across the country, sir.

(Max): Ezzie, it's fine.

It's fine.

(Jessica): Let's go get some ice cream.

(sighs) - Ezzie.

- Your daddy just needs to talk to my friend Joe, alright?

Everything's fine, Ezra okay?

(Ezra screams.)

- Don't touch my kid! - Don't touch my son!

- He doesn't like to be touched! It's okay!

(Stan): Don't touch him! (Jenna): It's okay, Ezzie.

It's okay. It's okay. Look, I know.

I called you myself, and I made a mistake.

(Stan): It's okay Ezzie. It's okay. We're all here.

(Jenna): It's okay, Ezzie.

- Ma'am I need you to back off.

- I need you to back off please. This is my son. Hi!

Hey, baby. Ezzie. Hey, buddy. You okay?

Hi.

(Ezra): Hi.

Ezzie, I missed you.

Ez? You okay, buddy?

Did you have a good time? How was the trip?

- I talked to a horse. - What? That's amazing.

I wish I'd been there.

(agent): I'm sorry, ma'am but we still need to arrest Mr. Bernal.

- I'm the one who called you.

I made a mistake. As you can see my son is fine, so...

(Jessica): We don't have a choice, ma'am.

(Jenna): Yes, you do have a choice.

I'm his mother, this is his father,

this is his grandfather.

We are a family, and we are taking him home.

Together.

So thank you very much.

There's no need for any of this anymore.

(Jessica): Okay, everybody just stay calm.

- Hey, man. It's okay.

(agent): You need to calm down. - No, I am. I'm calm. I'm calm.

(Stan): Hey! He's not resisting!

(Max): I'm not resisting. She's not pressing charges, right, Jenna?

(Jenna): Yes! We're calling off the charges.

- Come on, man! (agent): Stop!

(Ezra): Dad!

Get off my dad!

(agent): Get...get off!

- I gotta finish. I gotta finish.

- Dad, eyes. Dad! Dad!

Eyes.

It's okay. It's okay.

You got tackled.

Give me the ball.

(emotional music)

Calm down. It's okay.

(Max): Okay.

(emotional piano music)

(Jenna): Okay. Let's go!

(Ezra): Coming. (Jenna): Come on, come on,

come on. We're gonna be late! Come on!

(Jenna): Good morning. Look, I know you have to deal

with this house arrest stuff, but would you mind

picking him up from school?

I have an inspection I just can't get out of.

- Yeah. Sure. I just have to tell my probation guy.

- Okay. Hey, hey, hey. Remember, just don't talk too fast.

What you did last night was brilliant.

- "For Whom The Bell Tolls" today, it tolls for me."

- Ah, it's gonna be a good presentation.

- Alright, alright. Break a leg.

- Alright. C'mon, let's go before they lock us out.

Give me that,

- You know, when Hemingway was my age, you know what

his parents got him for his birthday?

- No, what?

His dad got him a shotgun, and his mom, a violin.

- Hemingway played the violin?

- No. 50 years later he used that shotgun to...

- Really?

- Look it up.

- Wow. I did not know that.

Well, guess who's getting violin lessons.

(laughs)

Oh, buddy, I'm so happy you're excited about this school, huh?

Finally got it right.

- Yeah. Mom was right.

- Can't you cover that thing with your sock?

- What? I don't like the way it feels on my skin.

Texture thing, you know? - It's blinking.

Beep.

- Okay. You know what? Will you bring it in?

- Fine.

You can go now.

- Okay.

(woman): Have a good day.

(guitar music, whistling)

- Remember the last time this guy was here, he got arrested.

(Guillermo): Oh, wow.

(knocks on door) (Jimmy): Max?

(Max): Jimmy?

- Hey, man. How you doing?

(Max): Man, you look great.

Great to have you here. - This is Guillermo.

- Hi. Nice meeting you.

- Top security guy. - How's your son doing?

(Max): Ezzie's great, man, yeah.

- Good. - He'd be here, but you know,

I can't take him out of the state.

- Right. Guess not. Yeah, I guess you can't.

So, I was telling him remember the last time

Max was here, he was almost on the show,

but he got arrested.

He um, rescued his son from school. Yeah?

- That's how I see it. (Jimmy): Yeah.

- Yeah. (Jimmy): But uh, anyway,

it's great to have you--

(toilet flushing)

Sorry about that. I forgot to tell you.

I got...I gotta bring...I had to bring

my probation officer with me.

- This is your probation officer?

- Yeah. - Wow.

- Yeah. - He has to stay with you all the time?

- Yeah. (Guillermo): He's very cute.

- Hey, man. What's up?

- I'll be right here, alright?

- At least he's a good-looking guy.

(Max): Alright, well, break a leg.

(Jimmy): Okay. Glad you're finally here.

(Guillermo): Safety first. - Yeah. Thanks.

- Yeah, that's true. Alright.