Original subtitles

- Ah, another perfect day

at the palmwoods.

Except for that.

- Parabolic microphone

now!

What was that?

- Sounded awful.

- It's probably interference.

Just aim.

- Maybe you should date science, - then!

- Shh.

- All I did was cite recent data

that concluded

- that overexposure with a partner - or spouse

- Increases the incidents - of break-ups.

- Mm-hmm. - Small words.

- Please.

- I told Camille we need to - limit our dates to two nights a - Week.

- Makes sense. - Genius.

- Dat-a good.

- I know, right?

She's being dramatic.

- I mean, what is she gonna do, - date someone else?

Parabolic microphone now!

- So since I hate eating alone - and you need the exposure,

- How about dinner - at paparazzi

Tonight at 8:00?

- What?

- It's a date!

- What?

- So I guess she is going - to date someone else.

- Quit, you.

- Just turn it down.

- Why does it keep doing that?

- ? Make it count, - play it straight ?

- ? don't look back, - don't hesitate ?

- ? what you want, - what you feel ?

- ? never quit - and make it real ?

? If you want it all,

lay it on the line ?

? it's the only life you got

so you got to live it big time ?

- Dude, Camille just agreed - to go on a date...

- ah! La-la-la-la-la-la...

- He's taking this well.

- Uh-huh.

- Rehearsal is canceled today.

- How come?

- Because Gustavo's doctor - ordered him

- To take a 24-hour break - from the things

That stress him out the most.

- Oh, Griffin?

Budgets?

Writer's block?

- You, you, him,

and Logan!

- Ah! His watch is gonna blow!

- It's a blood pressure monitor,

- and it goes off - when he's stressed,

- so...

- Stay away from me

for the next 24 hours!

- No rehearsal?

- That means I'm free

to go out...

With a Jennifer.

Later, boys.

- You know, he might have - a shot this time.

- Until he burp asks her out

or gives her a gift,

which will be a frog.

- I can't let that happen.

Friendship powers activate!

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Hey?

- Hey!

- Hey!

- Ladies?

- Hey, girls.

You look amazing.

We should all go out

and talk about our top ten hit...

Oh, wait.

I'm busy tonight.

But Carlos is free,

red dress Jennifer.

Um, sure.

- Great. He'll see you - in the lobby at 6:00.

- Huh?

- Look, I am perfectly capable

of getting a date myself.

- Of course you are.

- I'm just trying to play wing man - for my best bud.

- Well, thank you, bud,

but I can handle it from here.

- I'll hang onto it.

- Give me my helmet, man.

- Let me have it.

- Give me my helmet!

- Sure.

- Hit me again.

Look, it's just time

to face the facts.

Camille and I are just

too different, okay?

I base decisions off logic,

- and Camille thinks my logic - is stupid.

- Okay, but you know - that there's no such thing

As the perfect girlfriend.

- You have to take the good - with the...

- boo!

- Well, then, Mr. Logic, - what are you gonna do?

Invent the perfect girlfriend?

- Greetings, Logan,

you are smart and hot

like me.

Let's go on a date.

It worked.

Is it too weird?

- Completely.

- But impressive.

- I know.

Go on sciencematch. Date

- and search - for the perfect girlfriend.

One that's just like me.

Just not a robot.

- What?

- Nothing.

- Well, I'm gonna go search - for Lucy

Because she was very rude

to me in the lobby.

- Wait, what about the...

- I will never love again.

Get me chocolate.

- Oh, my god.

- Leave me alone.

- No way.

- If you don't, - I'm gonna rip out your...

Mom, dad, hi.

- Lucille.

- I missed my girl.

Oh, is this a friend

from the conservatory?

- Yes.

This is Kendall,

who studies classical music,

just like me.

- Yep. - That's me.

Her conservatory friend.

- Well, then you must give us - a tour

Of this off-campus residence

that you all live in.

- No.

Mom, Kendall has to study for a

test tomorrow, and...

- would love to give you

a tour.

Let's start in the park.

- P for peachy.

- Hey, somebody's looking sharp.

- Uh-huh. I've got a big date,

so I got to dress big, right?

Yeah, you do.

- Oh.

Ah.

- Oops, sorry.

- James!

- Epic juice box fail.

- Now I have to change.

Hmm?

- What are you up to?

- Oh, just saving Carlos' date - with red dress Jennifer?

- Impossible.

- She's too classy, - and he's too Carlos.

- Great.

Now I have to wear

this stupid outfit.

- So, bud, where are you taking

the future Mrs. Garcia?

- Well, in my hands right here

I have directions

and reservations

to the nearest sloppy cheese.

There's pizza, prizes,

and a whole lot of fun.

- Mm-hmm.

- Sweet.

- We've got to change - those reservations

- And go on the date - with Carlos.

- Can I bring my new slingshot?

- Sure.

We might need it.

- According to her profile,

she has an IQ of 130,

likes math homework,

crosswords, and toast.

- Great.

Why am I here?

- Because if she's a weirdo,

I need my mom to ground me.

Go, go, go, go, go.

Hi. Are you Lindsay?

- Yeah, hi.

Sorry I'm late.

- While on my bike, - I met strong easterly headwinds,

Probably due to...

Both: A disturbance

in the lower ionosphere.

- Logan Mitchell,

I am your mother.

You are grounded, mister.

- Okay, um...

Uh, what are you doing?

- Don't you notice anything

weird about her?

Or familiar?

- Um, I think she's cute

- and we have - an awesome connection.

- Yeah, you have

a big connection.

Good luck on your date.

- Not grounded.

- Um, who is that?

- Ooh, Camille, uh,

I didn't even see you.

This is Lindsay.

We're going on a date tonight.

- So are we.

At chez fance-ay.

It's gonna be a chez partay.

- Oh, well, maybe we

should double date.

- Recent data cites - that double dating

Eases first date jitters

and fosters social interaction.

- Well, I know

Logan loves data.

- And I know that Camille - loves dating.

- And I know I love people - looking at me.

So let's meet here at 6:00?

Both: It's a date!

- It's gonna be great.

- I love double dates.

- And as we conclude our tour,

please help yourself

to some complimentary

palmwoods lemonade.

- How sweet.

- Thank you, Kendall.

- You're very welcome.

- Get some for me.

What do you think you're doing?

- I'm learning a lot more - about you.

Like, you play a violin

and you own a wig

and you lie to your parents.

- Look.

- My parents - are classical musicians.

- They think I'm in L.A. - In a violin scholarship.

- And they would be - very disappointed

And angry

if they found that I dyed

my hair black and red

- and was trying to be - a rock guitar goddess.

- Okay, okay.

I get it.

- Is there anything I could do - to help?

- Yeah.

Beat it.

- 'Cause I can tell they're gonna - invite you to dinner.

- No one can beat - my mom's midwestern charm.

- Please.

Midwestern charm is no match

for L.A. cool.

- Oh, it's like we're all going

on a fun double date.

- Well, I don't know about you,

but I hope this place

has crayons.

- So where are we going tonight?

- Well, let's just say

that you

- are gonna have the greatest date - of your life.

- Friendship powers

activate.

- Isn't this stupid enough?

- Activate.

- Ah, messieurs rocque, - welcome back.

- Table for one, Jacques,

in the corner,

where no one will bother me.

Uh, right zis way.

- Yes. - Oh, here we go.

- Okay, we got Carlos here.

- Now how do I get close enough - to him

To keep him

from ruining his date?

- Easy. - You rock.

And I roll.

- This place is so nice.

- I could have sworn - that these directions to...

- welcome to chez France.

I think se�or

might enjoy reading

ze special here.

- Uh, okay.

"Why don't you order

for us, Jennifer?

And then let's talk

about your feelings."

Wow.

Guys never want to talk

about my feelings.

- And your two most expensive - meals, please.

- Waiter, I'd like to order.

- Ah!

- Can I at least

have more rolls?

- Maybe if I ask nicely,

those musicians will let you two

play violin onstage.

Oh.

Actually, uh, I play guitar.

- Yeah, you know, 'cause it spans - all ranges of music,

From classical to jazz

to rock.

- Ugh.

Rock music?

- Do not get us started

on that three-chord trash.

- I have to go - to the restroom.

So does Kendall.

- Ow.

What was that for?

I'm trying to help you.

- Why don't you just pull - my wig off while you're at it?

Do you know what my parents did

- when they found out my brother - dyed his hair and played drums?

- They...

Accepted his artistic integrity

and hugged him?

Ow.

- They sent him - to military school.

And the guys are here.

- Just Logan and Carlos.

And James,

the mustachioed waiter.

- Hey, who's the...

- shh.

- Say one word,

and you die.

- Oh, can I get more rolls?

- So does everybody know - what they're having.

- Well, yeah, Camille,

- you should have - the arrogant blowhard.

Oh, wait, you already do.

- Ooh, where's

the arrogant blowhard?

I must have the lunch menu.

- Do you know what you want, - Logan?

- Or do you need more data - to order?

- Oh, here we go.

- Oh, we're going.

- Where is the

arrogant blowhard?

- Are we still talking - about food?

All: Yes!

- So that's how I feel.

- Now let's talk - about your feelings.

- Or I could show you how I pop

my shoulder out of its socket.

Check it out.

I just go like this.

And I just keep...

- a Rose for ze lady,

messieurs.

- You know what?

- I'm not gonna pay $10 - for one Rose.

No, thank you, messieurs.

- Oui, oui, - yes, you do.

- No, I'm not.

- For ze lady.

- No, thank you.

- Oui, messieurs.

- I don't want it.

- Table three is complaining.

- Buy ze Rose!

- Unbelievable.

- I mean, why would I pay $10

for one Rose?

- Because you bought me

a whole bouquet.

Carlos, this is

the most amazing date.

- Yes, it is.

You're welcome.

- Messieurs, your waiter.

- Finally.

- May I take your order, - messieurs?

- I would like

the trout almondine

with asparagus.

- Trout almondine,

table 12.

- Oh.

- The service here

is a little slow.

Oh, uh, waiter?

- Oui, oui.

- Uh, so what should we get

for dessert?

- What now?

- Your wig's falling down.

I see streaks.

Fix it.

- Okay, take it... - Oh, no, you hold...

Shh, shh, shh.

- It all looks so good. - It's so hard to choose.

- I got it. I got it. - I got it.

All right, here we go.

Okay, we got it.

- All right, we're good.

Let's just skip dessert

because I am so full.

- We haven't ordered dinner yet.

- Uh, check, please.

- Mmm.

Who else is living dining

with me and eating toast?

- I love toast,

but recent data states

- that you should only eat it - two days a week.

- What? - That's ridiculous.

If you like something,

- you should enjoy it - anytime you want.

- Ha!

- So you're saying - that recent data is wrong?

- Ooh, what I'm saying is...

You're on a date with him?

- You realize you're dating - yourself, right?

Both: No, we're not.

Wait.

Oh.

- Hey, so you know - what's really great

To do on fancy dates?

- What?

- Two spoons.

Oh! Ze souffle.

- Carlos, how did you know

I love souffles?

- Oh.

No ice cream?

- A la mode!

- The things I do

for these idiots.

- Ah!

Splat!

Pfff!

- James?

- Oui.

Hey, guys.

What's going on?

- You know exactly

what's going on.

- I told you that I didn't need - any help on my date,

And you didn't believe me.

- Arm wrestling?

Seriously, dude?

I should still be playing dumb.

- Oh, come here.

- Oh!

- Who wants dessert?

- Ah!

No, no, no, no!

- I had a great time

on this double date.

- No, no, no! - Watch out!

- Do recent studies show - that opposites attract?

- Don't know, - don't care.

- Are you okay with this?

- Recent data reveals four

out of five first dates end in

failure.

- Oh, no, no, no!

- Whoa! Whoa! - Watch out!

- That's it!

Worst meal ever!

- Oh, but messieurs,

- you haven't seen - the dessert cart yet.

Ah, here it comes.

- Oh! Oh!

- Yeah, that's James.

- Oh! Oh! Oh!

Who! Whoa!

- Kendall, you saved my wig.

- Yeah.

- I'm not kissing you.

- I know that.

- Oh.

- Lucille.

- Your hair.

- Uh, Mr. - And Mrs. Lucy's parents,

It's not what you think.

- I think you don't attend

a conservatory at all.

And neither does he.

- Wow. It's exactly - what you think.

- Mom, dad...

I'm out here writing songs

and trying to be a rock star.

- Oh, Lucy.

We are so disappointed.

- No, no, no, no.

You should be proud of her.

She is...

An amazing musician.

In fat, um...

We can prove it to you.

Right now.

- We can?

- Yes, as long as I get

something to eat afterwards.

- ? I don't know why

you always get so insecure ?

? I wish you could see

what I see ?

? when you're looking

in the mirror ?

? that to me you

get more beautiful ?

- ? when you're looking

at the magazines ?

And thinking that

you'll never measure up ?

That it hurts ?

? it's what underneath

the skin ?

? the beauty

that shines within ?

? you're the only one

that rocks my world ?

- ? You've got a heart

of gold ?

- ? wish you would stop

being so hard on yourself ?

- So I can stay?

- Well, at least

it's a string instrument.

- Now, can you put

the wig back on?

- Please.

- You were the best one - out there.

And this was the best date ever.

- That's because I got

the best bud ever.

- I know.

- Why do you think - we break up so much?

- Probably because we

like making up so much.

- Huh.

My blood pressure

is perfectly normal.

Turns out I didn't need

to spend quality time away from

my dogs.

I needed to spend quality time

with my dogs.

- The check, messieurs.

- Ah, thank you, messieurs.

- Oh, no, no, no.

- ? Step it up, - get in gear ?

- ? go for broke, - make it clear ?

- ? make it work, - get it right ?

? Go and make your luck

with the life you choose ?

? if you want it all,

lay it on the line ?

? it's the only life you got

so you got to live it big time ?

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