Original subtitles

12th precinct. Sergeant yemana.

Yes, sir.

A stolen car?

What kind of car, mr. Rivoli?

A studebaker.

Will you describe The car, please?

Black fenders... Silver doors...

Green hood... Polka-dot seatcovers...

Monkey-fur dashboard.

Maybe it wasn't stolen.

Maybe it ran away.

Mr. Rivoli, will you Hold it a minute?

I got to find a pencil.

Okay, go ahead.

Don't mention it.

Oh, my god. I ate my eraser.

That was jack Soo as nick yemana,

The role he played in over 80 episodes of "Barney miller,"

Until his death This past january.

I'm hal linden,

And with me is the rest Of the cast of our show.

What follows is a recollection

Of some of jack's best Moments on "Barney miller."

Enjoy them.

Were you carrying cash Or traveler's checks?

Oh, shame on you.

Don't you pay attention To karl malden?

I'm sorry to hear that, sir,

But you better dig Up some more money

Or you're gonna get Picked up for vagrancy.

There were many Facets to nick yemana,

But for some reason,

What a lot of people Remember most vividly

Is his coffee and How bad it was.

This is where some of the Worst concoctions in america

Were brewed.

And over the years, nick Made hundreds of pots,

But somehow he Never got it quite right.

No.

Coffee?

Oh.

I'd almost forgotten it existed.

I ran out in 1944.

Then you're in for a treat.

It's funny.

I don't remember It tasting like this.

Progress, mr. Unger.

Would you like some more coffee?

What?

Coffee?

Oh, no, thank you, I Can't drink coffee.

Do you have any more of this?

Would you like some coffee?

Uh, yeah, sure.

These cups look different.

I scrubbed off all The mold and mildew.

I thought it was a pattern.

How is it, mrs. Hansen?

It tastes like pencils.

That's not the coffee.

That's the cup.

Oh.

We had two phones, two cars,

Two beds.

Too bad.

They're gonna be here In about 10 minutes,

But in the meantime, We got to get her

To empty her stomach... You know, upchuck.

All right, nick...

Yeah, I know. Give Her some coffee.

And keep pouring it in her.

Two cups ought to do it.

Okay, dupree. Come On. On your feet.

All right.

Hey, I don't feel so...

Wojo, get a doctor. Give me his coat.

It was a fresh pot.

Of course, nick yemana Was more than just a maker

Of bad coffee.

He had a unique Attitude and presence

That gave scenes A special quality.

He had an ability

To take in stride even the Most bizarre of situations

And the most abrasive of people.

But mostly, he was able To see the humor in things,

And he was never Hesitant to say so.

Hey, barney. Is he gonna Spray the whole room?

We got roaches All over the place.

Oh.

You sound like you're Gonna miss them.

A little.

Nick, they're filthy, Slimy, dirty little things.

Yeah, but they kind Of grow on you.

One of them always Crawls up that leg...

While I'm making Coffee in the morning

And tries to steal A cube of sugar.

That's about as Close as I've ever come

To having a pet.

Hey. Don't I get a phone call?

Sure.

Maybe that's it now.

At best, this is a tawdry flick,

Suffering from inept scripting,

Cheap-jack production values,

And lackluster performances.

Despite these Obvious disadvantages,

This film has been Doing boffo box office.

Where's that report On that porno flick?

D.A.'s office Called three times.

Yemana's typing it up now.

- finished? - yep.

"'a man and a woman And another woman'

Is a filthy movie."

Well, it is.

That's all?

Hey, what happened to all That stuff I was dictating?

I thought you were Talking on the phone.

Card number 14, sergeant yemana.

Now, what does the Inkblot suggest to you?

Uh, an elephant wearing a hat.

Now turn the card around.

Now what does the Inkblot suggest to you?

An elephant lying on his back...

Wearing a hat.

I think that'll do. Thank you.

Can we do some more Of these? It's fun.

No, that's sufficient.

How'd I do?

Just fine.

You're not keeping Something from me.

Not at all.

Uh, did anybody else see An elephant wearing a hat?

No, yours was a Unique interpretation.

Thanks.

You know, I'm not chinese.

Really doesn't Make any difference.

Maybe not now.

Ig uess it's true what They say, you know,

That if one loses One of the senses

That the remaining ones are Sharper and more perceptive.

Sure does.

Like I can tell from The sound of your voice.

You're over 6 feet tall, And you're a chain smoker.

I don't smoke.

And you're a liar. And something else.

You're very nervous.

How can you tell?

By the way he keeps Tapping his foot on the floor,

Pulling at his collar,

Rapping his fingers on the desk.

I'm not nervous. I'm just rhythmic.

How do I feel?

You?

Well, you're cool and collected.

Got a lot of Personal discipline.

You're very, very intelligent.

Either that, or you're japanese.

Look, we chased Koepecknie into central park.

And when we finally caught him,

There he was laying On the ground,

Kicking and growling And clawing at the dirt.

Growling?

What the hell is that?

It's koepecknie, Barney. He's a werewolf.

I better put some Papers down in the cage.

Anybody have the time?

Uh, a little before midnight.

Oh, my god.

You feeling all Right, mr. Koepecknie?

I don't know. I'm Starting to feel strange.

You look fine. Don't he look fine?

Why don't you go take a look?

Not me.

It happens slowly.

Sometimes it's hard To notice at first.

Take it... Take it easy.

I'm starting to itch.

Oh. That's normal Around here. We...

It's like all the hair On my legs is wriggling.

Don't do that. That Just... Just aggravates it.

Don't, don't, don't...

I feel hot, and my teeth hurt.

My tongue is sweating.

Try not to talk.

I've got to get out of here.

I need air. Let me Out of the cage.

Hey, look, man, We can't do that.

Let me out of the cage!

Uh, uh, how about some water?

I don't want any water! I want to go home!

I've got to get some sleep, And then I got to go to work!

Barney!

Work, work!

Look, I've got to Get out of here.

I've got to get out of here.

That phone call of Mine was all a mistake.

It was a joke.

Hey, look, look, look, Man. Take it easy, man.

Barney!

Let me out of here!

I want to get out. Out, out.

Let me out of here.

Down, down, down, Mr. Koepecknie, down.

Barney!

What the hell is Going on in here?

Cut that out!

It's a police station, Not a horror movie!

He was starting To change. I swear.

What change? Get Down from there!

Take a good look. Hair is Growing out of his face.

It's called a beard.

Haven't you ever Seen one before?

Not in my family.

As you can see, it took a Good deal to unnerve nick.

Although, once, after The accidental ingestion

Of brownies laced with hashish,

Nick's normal reserve Was lessened considerably.

What's happening, baby?

♪ and the music of life ♪

♪ seems to be ♪

♪ like a bell ♪

♪ that is ringing for me ♪

♪ and from the way that I feel ♪

♪ when the bell starts to peal ♪

Nick. Nick, you all right?

Barney, barney, barney.

Is your mother from killarney?

Hey, barn, I think he's stoned.

Stoned? What are You talking about?

Hey, what do you say we Guys go down to the beach

And shoot some clams?

How many of these Things have you had?

moshi, moshi.

Harris, I think there's Something in these things.

Have you had any?

Mm-hmm.

Wojo!

Uh, he's out, barn.

I mean, he and fish, Or fish and he...

You think you Can still function?

Hey, sharp as a tack!

All right.

Take these things, Have them analyzed fast.

Nick.

Not that way!

I think they got Hash in them, barn.

Hash?

Yeah, from the way that I feel.

Nick: ♪ when the Bell starts to peal ♪

♪ it's almost like Being in love ♪

Jack soo was born goro suzuki,

And, along with many Other japanese-americans,

Spent a good deal Of world war ii

In detention camps On the west coast.

It was an indignity He never forgot.

But rather than Retreating into bitterness,

He faced the world with Humor and he imbued nick yemana

With a sense of humor about His ancestry and his heritage,

But also a sense Of dignity and pride.

This made for some rather Interesting confrontations.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

You a cop?

Yeah.

No kidding.

My name is reville...

Master sergeant j.R. Reville, united states army.

I recognize the uniform.

I'll bet you do.

We're gonna show You some pictures

And see if you can Identify anybody.

Sergeant yemana Here will help you out.

Here you go.

Yemana.

Yeah. Sounds pretty, don't it?

It don't make sense.

I mean, why would Anyone want to blow up

A united states Military installation?

Nostalgia?

What about you, nick?

Huh?

You ever feel any longings To return to your home,

Back to the ancient Cultures and traditions,

Back to the shrines and Temples of your ancestors,

Back to the terraced Hillsides and the cherry trees?

I was born in omaha.

We got a city in nebraska Sounds just like that.

Bleah!

Hey, what are you doing?

What is... What is this?

That's my lunch.

Smells like garbage.

Garbage?

Are you kidding? This Is japanese delicacy.

Fish heads, cabbage leaves,

Cucumber rinds, and celery tops.

It's terrific.

Come to think of It, that is garbage.

Listen, everyone, I, uh,

I'd like to apologize to Everybody for shouting.

No, no, no. I'm the one Who's always saying

Keep things in Perspective, and...

Hey, forget it, barney.

I mean, we all were Depressed tonight.

You're just the first Person to put it into screams.

Yeah. But you Can't let it get you.

What you got to do is Develop an oriental philosophy.

Like my grandfather used to say,

Many things look bleak at The moment of occurrence,

But at least we Ain't got locusts.

Jack and I were like Little kids together.

We would never get through A scene without breaking up.

And whenever there was Something deadly serious going on,

I would be sitting At my desk giggling,

And I'd look over here,

And jack's entire Body would be shaking.

He'd just be shaking With laughter.

He was my friend, And I'll miss him.

We didn't know much About yemana's private life,

And he seldom exposed personal Feelings in the squad room

The way his colleagues did.

But once in a while,

We did get a glimpse into His nonprofessional side,

As in a christmas eve episode

In which he meets an Attractive mugging victim,

Who, unknown to him, is Also a lady of the streets.

Recognize anyone?

Oh, it's hard to tell.

Everyone looks so much alike.

I know what you Mean. I'm japanese, too.

I'm sergeant nick yemana.

Oh, dorothy murakami.

I'm a cop.

I admire you people very much.

Well, it's dirty work, but Somebody's got to do it.

Nick, we're out of coffee.

Later.

Well, there's no one here.

Are there any other pictures You want me to see, huh?

There's a double feature Playing at the toho.

I mean, is there any Other things to do?

No, I guess not.

We'll put out an apb, and We'll do the best we can, okay?

Thank you.

Oh, I get off at 12:00.

Maybe you'd care to Have a couple drinks

Or a bite to eat?

I don't know.

You know, it's nice to be Among your own on a holiday.

Um, what time did You say you got off?

At 12:00. Where do you live?

I'll come back here.

Great. Be careful going Through the streets.

See you later, john.

It's nick.

You get off at 12:00, is that right?

Yep.

I got to work until 2:00.

Too bad.

She's a hooker, nick.

What?

That lady you got a date with.

Harris took her Statement. He told me.

I mean, I just can't figure out

What she wants With you, you know?

She knows you're a cop.

Maybe she liked me.

You got to consider All the possibilities.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, right.

I mean, I appeal to a lot Of people besides cops.

I hope I'm not early.

No.

Should we go now?

Yeah, sure.

If you'd rather Not, I understand.

Well, if you'd rather Not, I understand, too.

Look, I just thought That you're a nice guy

With a sense of Humor and kind of cute.

Well, I can't add Anything to that.

I can't stay out Late. I'm tired.

Me too.

Uh, I got to work tomorrow.

Me too.

Uh...

As of now, I'm Officially off duty.

As of now, me too.

That scene... We finished About 2:30 in the morning, I think,

And all of us were here.

And all of the Camerapeople and directors

And other people it takes To make the show were here.

And you could go Through all of those people

And all the people

Who encountered jack away From the studio in real life

And not find anyone That he hadn't touched

In some way at some time

Because his love for The humanity in people

Was always stronger Than his anger

At the things people Had done to him.

And that's why he was able To give us the gift of yemana.

No one actor in a Show is indispensable,

And "Barney miller" will Continue without jack,

But it will be different.

There will be times when, In the middle of a crisis,

Nick should make A joke but will not

Or exasperate Barney but will not.

He'll be missed.

Uh... I made some coffee.

Oh, yeah?

Try a cup?

Sure.

You know, uh, sometimes People will work together

For a long time, and They never, ever, uh...

Say how they really feel.

Yeah.

- no sugar. - oh.

So, uh... So, I want you to know

That I feel really lucky To be working with you.

I mean it. I learn A lot from you.

Thanks.

Here goes.

Not too good, huh?

All these years, I Thought it was me.

To you, jack.