Original subtitles

- hey. - hey.

Hey, dietrich.

Very funny.

Hey, look, uh...

She told me ellen Had gone to yale.

I just assumed you'd like her.

Yeah.

Well, she... She was smart.

So is kissinger. You dance with him.

Well, then, I'm sorry about Linda and me leaving you guys

In the restaurant Like that, but...

Uh-huh.

Things just worked Out pretty good for me.

Good.

So I guess I owe you one.

Yeah.

Well, what'd you end Up doing after dinner?

I went home.

She's probably still Cuffed to the chair.

Wojo.

Morning, barn.

Harris. Hey, barn.

Somebody get his Tambourine stolen?

Barn, look again.

My god. Is that ray?

I think that's what God must have said.

Ray?

Good to see you again.

Hello, captain miller.

What happened?

Somebody broke into The harbor light center,

Took about 50 Bucks in petty cash

And a couple cases Of soup starter.

I meant what happened to you?

Oh, you mean this?

Well, yeah.

Last time you were Here, you were, uh...

A... Civilian.

I was a bum.

Right.

But I'm not anymore.

Good.

I must say, you Look very impressive.

Course, we're allowed to wear

Our regular clothes, Too, you know.

But all my regular Clothes stink.

Uh, barn, I've, um...

I've got got ray looking Through the mug books,

See if he can spot anybody who Was hanging around the mission.

Yes, I'd just like To talk to the guy.

I mean, maybe...

50 bucks don't Seem like much, but...

Well, the army has got A daycare center, and...

Well, 50 bucks Can put a hot lunch

Into the belly of 67 needy kids!

I'm sorry. I...

Get carried away sometimes.

Uh, sit down, ray.

Barn, I just spent 50 Bucks on dry cleaning.

I'm afraid you'll have to Learn to live with that.

By the way, you guys are On your own this afternoon.

I've got court.

No kidding.

Yeah. Got to go testify on That gorman case, remember?

Oh.

You mean that little $8 million Cocaine bust that we made?

The, uh, one that's Getting all the publicity?

That's the one.

Were you in on that?

I don't remember.

Sure, you remember me.

I was the guy with The moustache...

And the shotgun...

Who planned and led the raid.

Which developed from a tip From my source of information.

Oh, well. We skipped lunch.

I'll be sure to mention That at the trial.

Oh, barn, we'll get that.

12th precinct. Sergeant harris.

Uh, yeah.

All right. We're on our way.

Uh, barn?

There's a disturbance At le beaumon restaurant

Over on barrow.

- okay, you and dietrich. - right.

Arthur, got a disturbance At a restaurant.

Right. Sounds Like she got loose.

Coffee is the Only vice I got left,

So I like to make The most of it.

It's a sin, all right.

Funny.

That'd kill them Down at the post.

Feel free to use it.

Bless you.

So, I bet you're Probably wondering

What happened to The old ray, right?

Um...

Well, barney, my story Begins about a year ago.

I was at a real low Point, even for me.

You know, sleeping in doorways.

Giving blood three, Four times a week.

Picking through trash Cans for half-eaten hot dogs,

Pretzels, wiping off the ants...

I-I-I got the picture. I got the picture.

Then something Incredible happened.

I was going down an alley...

Jiggling doorknobs, Like I used to do,

And I found one That wasn't locked.

A church.

Liquor store.

Oh.

And there I was, all alone,

At a booze buffet.

And I went for it.

Red wine, white wine,

And that blue stuff that Goes great with any dish.

Apricot brandy... Kahlua... Drambuie.

I drank whiskey out Of an elvis decanter.

Sounds like a lovely evening.

You would think so.

But for some Reason, I felt... Empty.

Then, at one point or another, I must have blacked out,

Because when I came to A couple of weeks later...

I was on the subway.

I was driving it.

That's when I realized that My life lacked direction.

Mr. Bouton, inside, please.

All I wanted was an omelet!

What have we got?

This is sidney bouton.

According to witnesses, He got into a shouting match

With a few of the Waiters at the restaurant,

And then he started Throwing some punches.

A person can only Take so much humiliation.

Yeah.

Anyway, by the Time we got there,

He had the maître D' in a headlock

Over by the salad bar.

He'll be all right. Just A little crouton rash.

Owner said he's Coming down later.

He insists on pressing charges.

What was the provocation?

Go ahead. Tell him!

Well, apparently, Mr. Bouton was denied a table

Because the management felt

That he didn't quite measure Up to their minimum standard

For aesthetic acceptability.

He means because I'm ugly.

It seems le beaumon Prides itself

On its beautiful-people Clientele.

If you're not attractive, You don't get in.

Mm-hmm.

They told you that?

Oh, not in so many words.

First they asked me If I had a reservation,

And I said, "No, but I see A lot of empty tables."

And then they said,

"Oh, those tables are Reserved for special people."

So then I said That I would wait.

Then I saw the Waiters pointing at me

And whispering to each other...

Things like, "Who Let him in here?"

"Ooh, look at him."

"Somebody go find a bag For the elephant man."

I didn't see the movie,

But I understand That it's very good.

I'm afraid, mr. Bouton...

Captain, all I wanted Was an omelet

And a glass of iced tea.

I understand, but...

Look, I admit that I'm no gavin macleod.

But I don't think that I deserve to starve.

Bouton, party of one.

Thank you.

Thought you were going to court.

Uh, yeah, right now.

I'll be here.

Are those cookies?

No.

Can I help you, ma'am?

Yes. I'm lieutenant holly.

They told me downstairs I Could find raymond up here.

Yeah.

I'm sergeant Wojciehowicz, and...

So, is he here?

Yeah. He's in the men's room.

Oh.

Want me to drag Him out of there?

No. I can wait.

Okay.

Uh, why don't you help Yourself to a cup of coffee?

Thank you.

Oh, uh, excuse me.

There's some cookies In the drawer there.

I don't even know you.

Oh, lieutenant. How Are you doing, sir?

I received your Message. What's going on?

Nothing to worry about.

I got the boys Working on the case.

Oh.

Well, actually,

It was sergeant harris Who took the statement.

This is the information if You'd like to look it over.

Oh, that won't be Necessary, sergeant.

I'm sorry if we've Inconvenienced you.

But raymond and I have decided

Not to pursue this Matter any further.

When'd we do that?

You see, sergeant, our policy

Is to deal with problems Like this internally,

Without involving Outside authorities.

Well, whatever you say.

Thank you. Let's go, raymond.

Wait a minute. Excuse me.

You did get robbed, didn't you?

Yes.

And you don't want to Do something about it?

Not here.

Why not?

Sergeant, believe me, We're perfectly capable

Of handling these Situations ourselves.

You mean this has Happened more than once?

In the past month,

We've had a dozen or so Break-ins at various facilities.

But the point is that We're in the business

Of helping people Who do things like this.

Well, have you Caught anybody yet?

No.

Well, then, how You gonna help him?

That's a good point.

Yeah, I know.

All right, lieutenant, we'll Need to take a statement.

So why don't you take a seat

Here at sergeant Wojciehowicz's desk?

I'll take that.

Hey, cap. Barney.

Huh?

How'd it go in court?

Oh, I got to call liz.

I asked first.

Barn, is everything okay?

I got cited for contempt.

Oh, yeah?

I have to surrender to The officer of the court

In two hours.

I'm going to jail.

Anyway, the, uh...

Judge referred to me as An uncooperative witness.

Why?

I refused to name my Source of information.

Come on. You can't do That. It's confidential.

Yeah, we start putting the Fingers on our squealers,

We might as well pack It in and go fishing.

I love that kind of talk.

All of that was covered In the judge's chambers.

I also pointed out that Revealing the man's identity

Was tantamount to Signing his death warrant.

And?

His honor felt That was irrelevant.

He said the defense had a Perfectly legitimate right

To subpoena my informant,

That I was jeopardizing A very important case

Based on some Misguided code of ethics.

So he hits you with contempt.

Hmph.

He said a man as highly Principled as myself

Might enjoy the martyrdom.

That's not fair.

Thank you, wojo.

The way he's got it fixed,

You got some sleazeball Pusher out on the street

While you're going to jail For trying to put him there.

Why didn't we think of that?

Uh, so what do you Got to do, barn?

Uh... Notify the department.

Contact my lawyer.

Buy a toothbrush.

Call liz, tell her Not to hold dinner.

What's she making?

I got no plans.

Okay, let me run this list over And see that we got everything.

Took $86 in cash, Assorted foodstuffs,

A couple of typewriters.

One flugelhorn, Uh, slide projector,

And two cartons of bibles.

- right? - right.

Okay, can you think Of anything else?

Oh, an entire rack of pool Cues from the community center.

You allowed to play pool?

Yes, sergeant, we're Allowed to have fun.

I didn't know that.

Ganza doesn't involve Alcohol, tobacco, or drugs.

Aren't you leaving one out?

What did you have in Mind, a weekend in havana?

No.

Why should I take you to havana?

I was making a joke.

We can do that.

I'm sergeant harris. Can I help you?

Yes. I'm matt hagan, The owner... Le beaumon.

Somehow that Doesn't surprise me.

Anyway, I understand that You're holding the gentleman

Who clashed with our decor.

Oh, yeah... Mr. Bouton. He's in the cage.

It's a good idea.

May I?

Hey.

Mr. Bouton.

Yeah?

I must say, I'm quite displeased

With your performance Today in my restaurant.

Huh?

You left marks on a Perfectly good waiter.

I had to let him go.

Oh, my god.

What did they do, send off An adonis to torment me?

Yes.

Matt hagan... I'm the owner.

Look, mister, your People m-made me feel ugly

A-and insignificant.

They were just doing their job.

Mr. Hagan, you want to take A seat over there, please?

I need to get a little Information from you.

About what? Blow-drying?

Can I do something for you?

No, no, no. I'm just getting These reports together.

If nothing else,

Jail might give me a chance To catch up on my paperwork.

That's a nice touch, barn.

Even joan of arc Didn't go that far.

Yeah.

Sir, I came as soon as I Heard the tragic news.

I'm still reeling.

Excuse me.

Levitt, the less made out Of this, the better, huh?

Sorry, sir.

I didn't mean to annoy You by being moved.

Levitt...

It's just, although Your moments up here

Are dwindling down To a precious few,

Moments better Spent with loved ones

And those among your peer group,

Still I'd like you to have this.

What is it?

Just a few items to make Your impending incarceration

A bit more tolerable...

Cigarettes, magazines, Box of nonpareils.

What's this for?

Just so you don't lose it.

I appreciate it.

Barn?

Yeah?

- you got a minute? - yeah.

- gentlemen's quarterly - Is here to press charges.

Okay.

Thank you, levitt.

Mr. Hagan, captain miller.

- captain. - mr. Hagan.

- you look familiar to me. - oh?

Been to my restaurant?

Uh, no, I don't believe I have.

Well, you certainly qualify.

That's very Flattering, mr. Hagan,

But what about mr. Bouton?

Oh.

He didn't.

Sure, go ahead... Rub My face in my face.

Look, mr. Hagan,

Do you really intend Signing that complaint?

Captain, that man ruined some Very expensive cut crystal,

Not to mention Dozens of appetites.

Now, what other Choice do I have?

Considering your people Probably provoked mr. Bouton,

Based upon some rather...

Subjective if not Questionable criteria,

It might be the better part Of wisdom just to let it slide.

Mm-hmm.

No.

Sign the complaint.

Bouton: sign it! Sign it!

Maybe you can lock me Up and keep me out of sight,

But you can't run Away from the mirror!

Why would I want to?

What heredity did to me, Time is gonna do to you!

Oh, really?

Mr. Bouton, do you Want to know something?

Believe it or not, I'm 41. Surprised?

No!

He's just saying that for spite.

Uh-huh.

I mean, just look at me.

There's not a Wrinkle, not a bag.

That's because I Take care of myself.

I eat right, I exercise, Get plenty of sleep,

Keep a picture of Myself up in the attic.

Is... Is that a pimple?

If that's supposed to be A joke, it's not even funny.

Well, uh... Guess I better be going.

I don't want to be late For my first day in jail.

Want somebody to drive you down?

No. I got a car out back.

Besides, you guys still Got this place to run, huh?

Right.

I got it.

Uh...

Of course, you're in Charge during my absence.

Oh, barney, I'm...

Hey, you're senior officer.

Yeah, but, I mean, there's Just the three of us now.

Barn, we got a Disturbance over on canal.

Uh, you and dietrich.

I'll adapt.

Look, if, uh, you need Me for anything...

You know where I'll be.

Sure, barn. Take it easy.

See you soon.

All right.

Hey.

- take care of yourself. - okay.

Barney, I'd just like To give you some advice.

Yeah?

Tell them you keep Kosher. You'll eat better.

Thanks, ray.

In here.

Step up to the Yellow line, please.

Empty your pockets On the desk of all items

And leave your pockets out.

Remove your tie, Remove your belt,

Remove the laces From your shoes.

Personal effects Surrendered are as follows...

One wallet.

One set of keys.

$24 in cash.

35 cents in change.

You can keep the papers, And we'll keep the pen.

Glasses... Okay.

Magazines.

Toothbrush, toothpaste... Fine.

We got soap here.

They'll kill for these.

You can have this.

Thank you.

Okay. Sign here for...

I know the procedure.

Oh, good.

Well, then, let's Just finish it.

Strip.

Man: hey, good-looking.

Okay, in the cage.

Have a pleasant evening.

Man #2: you're in my light.

What time they serve Breakfast around here?

Man #2: sooner or later.

Thank you.

Guy before you Always gave me his milk.

Okay, I just need a Little for coffee.

We'll talk about it later, okay?