Original subtitles

- hey, barn. - here you go.

Who do we got there?

That's felice douglas... Indecent exposure.

Victim of.

Oh, I see.

So did she.

Ms. Douglas, I'm captain miller.

I'm sorry to hear About the incident.

He stopped and asked me

How to get to the Museum of natural history.

I was in the middle of Telling him when he...

I understand.

I don't think he really Wanted to know.

I doubt it.

Harris: miss douglas,

Here are some pictures We'd like you to take a look at.

You let me know if Anyone catches your fancy.

It's just faces.

That's all we're allowed.

Calm down, all right?

I'm very, very sorry That I lost my temper.

But she just started Laughing at me

As if I were some Kind of an idiot.

What do you got, woj?

This is mitchell warner...

Picked him up in unemployment.

He, uh, created Quite a disturbance.

Not creating a disturbance.

I was asking for a job, And all they did was laugh.

Just take it easy.

Is being unemployed Some kind of bizarre joke?

Just have a seat, Mr. Warner, please.

Maybe they weren't even Laughing at you, mr. Warner.

Maybe they were laughing at...

Maybe, uh

You should ask him what he does.

What is it you do, mr. Warner?

Go ahead and tell him.

- okay, wojo. - you see?

Mr. Warner, please. What do you do?

I was formerly with the cia.

He's an unemployed spy.

Okay, wojo. Okay.

I'm glad you're so amused.

You want to have a seat?

22 years with the company,

And then one day, It's "So long, boris."

Sorry to hear that.

22 years of blind loyalty,

Pulling their dirty tricks,

Bribing foreign officials, Toppling regimes...

Not so much as a word of thanks.

It's very ungrateful Of them, mr. Warner,

But what we're dealing with here

Is something as Mundane as, uh...

Disorderly conduct.

Yeah, so, you want To have a seat?

They wouldn't even give Me a letter of reference.

Here you go, captain.

Oh. Thank you.

The cia did terminate Over 200 agents

In its clandestine division,

In march '77 after an order From the office of the budget.

Uh, dietrich, anybody Ever refer to you

As a walking encyclopedia?

I've heard that.

You seem to know Everything about everything.

Thank you.

Except how to make coffee.

Keeps me humble.

Are you really a spy?

Anything you want To make out of it?

I suppose it must be very Exciting, very glamorous.

Hmm?

Sure, sure.

I mean, you must Get to travel a lot.

Yeah.

Bug-infested hotels...

Lousy food, cheap rental cars...

You've been seeing Too many movies, lady.

I was just trying to Make conversation.

Thanks.

I need some information.

You know, they all think We're a bunch of james bonds,

Driving around in aston martins,

Up to here in beautiful women.

Let he have your place of birth.

You want to see a photo of inez?

South american Revolutionary I had to live with

For two years.

Let me have your place of birth.

She spent a lot Of time in the hills,

And it showed.

Hey, uh... Cleveland.

Come on, come On. Get inside here.

Binder: I told him to get Away from my store.

The sidewalk Belongs to everyone.

The best things In life are free.

Well, well, well.

Yeah, you remember bruno binder,

The local merchant and Community reactionary?

Welcome back, Mr. Binder. Welcome back.

Who's that?

Just some clown we picked up.

I've always wanted To say that, barn.

- I'm not a clown. I'm a mime. - yes.

Leslie phillips.

Mr. Phillips, I'm captain...

Apparently, mr. Phillips set up

In front of mr. Binder's store

And had begun Performing his show.

The wall.

I beg your pardon?

Very nice.

He was scaring customers away.

They were entranced.

Well, no law says I got to let

Some freak do weird Things in front of my store.

Mime is the oldest and The purest of all art forms.

Yeah, I got your art right here.

Okay, let's everybody relax.

Just take it easy, huh?

Uh, dietrich, you want to Take mr. Binder's statement?

All right, mr. Binder.

Got rid of me because I Was making too many waves.

I'd heard too much. I'd seen too much.

Okay, I got to put You in the cage.

I can tell you things About the fall of saigon

That'll make your skin crawl.

What happened?

What?

About the fall of Saigon... What happened?

It fell.

Okay?

Okay.

All that dumb stuff they do.

They don't even say nothing.

Mime is an acquired taste.

Hey, I like good Comedy, you know?

Remember the three stooges?

Yeah, slapstick.

That's great stuff.

Counterphobic responses To violence in humor.

Oh, yeah?

Pain is funny.

Really?

You want to feel a joke?

No, no, no. No, thanks.

No eating in the squad room.

Pick that up.

If you're finished,

I'm gonna take binder And phillips downstairs

For pictures and prints.

I appreciate that, arthur.

Mr. Phillips, we're Gonna go downstairs.

Captain, any of my phone Calls been returned yet?

Sorry, mr. Warner.

Hey, barn?

You think he really Worked for the cia?

That's what he says.

Must be bitter, resentful, huh?

Probably.

Barn, the man's got Exposé written all over him.

Somehow I had the feeling

There was a literary Phoenix arising from the ashes.

A couple of other Ex-agents wrote them,

Sold 200,000, 300,000 copies, barn.

I mean, could be book Of the month, easy.

If you'll excuse me, I'll be in my office.

Yeah, I'll keep you up to date.

How are we doing, ms. Douglas?

There are so many of these men.

It's hard to understand.

There's a lot of pent-up Frustration in there.

If only it could be Harnessed for peaceful use.

Maybe someday.

Hey, how is everything in there?

Oh, who are you?

I'm detective ron harris.

Oh.

Feeling a little Disaffected, huh?

I don't feel like Talking right now.

Hey, you know, when I'm down in the dumps,

You know what always Makes me feel better?

What?

Writing a book.

You mean like agey or snip did?

You know, we got a Word for guys like you

Who help leak agency secrets.

Co-author?

I got a transfer slip For a warner, mitchell.

Where are you taking him?

No bail's been arranged. Got to take him to the tombs.

This very minute?

Sorry. All right.

- let's go. - where are we going?

The tombs, the tombs.

Is this normal procedure?

Sometimes. Come on, let's go.

Who told you to take me there?

Where'd he get his orders from?

Uh, mr. Warner, come On. We'll talk later.

Come on.

Follow me.

- nice to have met you. - what?

I said "Nice to have met you."

Sure.

I'll be back in a couple hours.

- yeah, sure - move Out, move out. Come on.

Aah! What are you doing?

Warner: get back in There. Get back in there.

Back, back. Come on.

Now, everybody stays Exactly where they are.

Back a little sooner Than I expected.

All right, I want everybody To move over there.

Barney.

Come on, ma'am.

Get.

You know, you were All very convincing,

But you're not Playing with a kid.

Yeah, woj? Oh, my god.

There's been a new development.

I see.

Warner: get over There with the others.

Heading over there. Where'd he get the weapon?

Levitt.

We were going up the Corridor. It was a little dark...

Shut up.

- but he's mad at me. - shut up!

Now I would very Much appreciate it...

If everybody would put Their weapons in there.

- look, mr. Warner... - now.

Right now. Man said put your Weapons here, gentlemen.

In they go. There you go.

You got mine.

Here you go, mr. Warner.

I don't know what that's Going to accomplish.

All right. Cut out the act.

The act?

I've been with the Company since 1955.

I've been on a lot Of operations,

But never one like this.

Wow.

Beautifully staged... Look at that...

Beautifully rehearsed.

I bought it. I bought it.

Mr. Warner...

Tiny little precinct, Broken-down furniture...

Incredibly authentic.

A woman comes in Complaining about a flasher.

You got flashers.

A couple of screwball citizens

Acting out an assault complaint.

Wow.

Don't you think I recognize A company operation

When I see one?

Mr. Warner, this Is the 12th precinct,

New york city police department,

And we are police officers.

What you see is what you got.

How come that your man Is so anxious to find out

Whether I might be blowing Some company secrets?

Sergeant harris is a Writer. His interest is...

Avarice. Pure avarice.

A writer?

Written anything I might know?

Uh, nothing in book form.

But I got some... Get out of there.

Uh, I was just gonna show You some rejection slips.

He's telling the truth. He can't sell nothing.

What is it you want, mr. Warner?

I want you to call them off.

Call who off?

Call off the company.

Company?

Call them.

All right.

Wojo, try calling the cia.

Ah.

This phone over here. Come on.

Take it easy.

Turn around.

That's right.

Sit down.

Now dial.

What's the number?

Try washington information.

Ritz brothers didn't Need cold cream

On their kissers to be funny.

Everybody stay Right where you are.

What the hell's going on here?

Gentlemen, Mr. Warner's in charge.

Just do everything he says.

Put your gun in the trash.

Sure.

It's an old gun.

Now, you three, into the cage.

Hey, you got no Right to do this.

I'm a veteran.

Inside.

Hey, who sold him a gun, huh?

Will you get in The cage, binder?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hello.

Uh... Spy department, please.

Uh, this is the new York police department.

Sergeant wojciehowicz.

Look, may I?

Please, go ahead.

Hello, uh... Hello?

Hello? Hello.

Yes, this is captain miller

Of the new york city Police department.

To whom am I speaking, please?

Well, I guess I Don't have to know.

But it's imperative

That I speak to someone in The clandestine department.

A very, very angry Man with a gun...

Does that qualify As life or death?

Thank you. I'll hold on.

What a company, huh?

If law-abiding citizens Were allowed to arm,

This wouldn't have happened.

You know,

Hey, I do a real neat piece Called "Man with a rifle."

- yeah? - yeah.

You see, it's so authentic,

People think I've Got a real gun.

You do "Man lying Dead on the floor"?

No.

Then don't do "Man with a rifle."

The company must be Spending a bundle on this.

Ha 95,000, 100,000.

This jacket's 200 alone.

You, you, you, you're marvelous,

It's very, very convincing.

I really did see what I saw.

You know, they always Throw in a broad.

If nothing else works,

Use sex as a last resort.

I've always felt that way.

I guess after inez they Didn't think I'd be too choosy.

Just because you have a gun

Doesn't give you The right to ridicule.

Very good.

Very good. She's marvelous.

Miller: I know. There are rules.

I was told that four people ago.

Look, I have got To get through...

321.

Hello?

This is the Clandestine division?

Um, we got a problem.

Tell him the lid's off. Warner knows everything.

The lid's off. Warner Knows everything.

They don't take Their spooks away,

I'm gonna take myself To the new york times

And spill my guts.

He wants you to halt the Operation or he goes to...

You don't jerk around With mitchell warner!

You don't... Come Here, give me that.

Hello? What?

They hung up on me Shortly after I said hello.

Hey, you want honesty? You got honesty.

You gave them a code Word to initiate plan two.

Come on. There is no plan two.

There isn't even a plan one.

They hung up because they Thought I was some crank,

And given the Circumstances, I was.

Is that so?

Can I take my wallet out?

Yeah, yeah. Take Your wallet out.

My shield. My I.D.

Shield, I.D... Child's play.

Uh, credit cards... Uh, driver's license.

What is that? Who is that?

That's my wife.

It's your wife?

Of course, of course.

What would a new York police captain be

Without a devoted Wife by his side.

Come on, warner.

This your address, Telephone number...

617 christopher Street, 555-3112?

I'm gonna make a Little phone call.

Wait.

Ah, what do you mean, "Wait"?

Something you forgot To cover up here?

I'm gonna find out if There is such a thing

As a mrs. Miller.

She's pretty much a homebody.

Oh, let's hope so.

Hello?

Hello, is this the Miller residence?

Oh, it is.

Very impressive.

Uh, is captain Miller there, please?

No, this is an old friend.

Oh, the 12th precinct?

Can you tell me when He's expected home?

He's not. Ah.

Uh, hotel greenwich.

Oh, I'll try him there. Thank you very much.

We're separated.

Separated?

As in not living together.

Oh, gee, I'm sorry.

It's temporary, you know.

Living apart for a while Until we can work some...

Look, I'd really Rather not discuss this.

You know, my Wife left me in 1961.

I'm sorry.

It was mostly my fault.

I was hell to live with After the bay of pigs.

She just got tired Of the whole thing...

Lousy hours, slinking Around all the time,

Dangerous assignments.

From her point Of view, you know...

It's no good for a Marriage, that stuff.

Mr. Warner, what do you Say you give me the gun?

There's good times, And there's bad times.

Who gives guarantees?

Mr. Warner?

Mr. Warner?

What?

The gun.

Wait. Hold it right there.

Oh, come on. Give it up.

I mean, for god's Sakes, look around you.

Look at the desk.

Reports signed by my Men, personal mementos.

Even the cia at Its most cunning...

Could they come up With a group like that?

Oh, my god.

You have the right to Remain silent. You have...

Not now, levitt.

See?

Call bellevue. Tell them We got a customer coming.

Yes, sir.

Well, that was a Refreshing change of pace.

Let dietrich out.

This very minute?

Just a thought.

Here you go, woj.

Uh, ms. Douglas,

You can leave whenever you want.

I'm not finished.

I like to finish what I start.

Come on, arthur. I'm Gonna give you a break.

I really appreciate That, ronald.

Hey. Hey, wait a Minute. How about us?

Gentlemen, I'm afraid There are still a couple

Of assault complaints Outstanding,

Unless you two have reconciled.

Well, look, if he promises

To stop weirding off In front of my store,

It's gonna be all right.

Weirding off? I'm an artist.

Artists don't weird off.

Who needs it?

Now, mr. Binder,

Whatever you may Think of mr. Phillips,

He does have the Ability to draw a crowd.

It appears to me, you could Turn that to your advantage.

Can I sue him?

I don't have any money.

But listen, I really could Help you with the advertising

At your store.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Really, I could mime Different sporting goods

When you have them on sale.

Yeah, like, uh, baseball...

Or basketball...

Tennis.

Let me see mace.

Dietrich, I have a feeling

Mr. Binder and mr. Phillips Will be leaving us.

You want to get their valuables?

I saw it coming.

No offense about what I said before, you know,

About... You not being Able to sell anything.

Hey, forget it.

Hey, we all say ludicrous Things under pressure.

Sir, they're ready For him at bellevue.

Why don't you run him over?

I'll go with him, barn.

No, it's all right.

You have work to do Here. Levitt can handle it.

Thank you, sir.

Okay, warner, let's go.

Oh, wait. Just a minute.

Miss douglas.

I'd like to apologize

For my earlier remarks.

That's all right.

Actually, I was flattered

That anyone would Think I was someone

Other than myself.

You know,

I... I really enjoyed Talking with you.

I did, too.

Come on, warner. You're going for a ride.

You sure?

He's a good cop, wojo.

I'm okay. You're okay.

Nice meeting everybody.

Isn't bellevue on 27th street?

And first avenue.