Original subtitles

Anything you can share?

This town up in oregon...

Somebody screwed up in The wording or something,

And they passed this Law making sex illegal.

No kidding.

Really.

Excuse me.

Look at the cops Trying to enforce it.

Oh. That wouldn't be hard.

No?

No. Bagging the Evidence would be touchy.

Uh, excuse me, please. Can you help me?

I'm detective sergeant harris.

What seems to be the problem?

It's my shoes.

You're not wearing any.

Well, yes, that's why I'm here. I was robbed.

Some man took my shoes

Off of my feet at a bus stop.

Oh.

Oh!

Have a seat over Here, miss, uh...

Dubois... Maggie dubois.

Well, it was just so crazy.

There I was.

I was sitting with my paper,

And suddenly, I felt What seemed like, um...

Cold fingers moving All over my feet.

Harris.

Oh, uh, miss dubois, This is captain miller.

- miss dubois. - likewise, I'm sure.

Uh... Barn,

Miss dubois had Her shoes stolen.

From off her feet.

Oh.

By a man.

He was grubby.

By this grubby little Man at a bus stop.

Oh! You mean a... Fancier of footwear.

Am I correct in assuming That this situation is bizarre?

Well, miss dubois,

Obviously we're dealing With a very sick man here.

What is it he wants With my shoes?

Uh... Sergeant harris Will be glad to help you.

Oh, thank you, barney.

Now what?

Well, um... We'd like You to fill out a form,

And then we'd like you To look at some pictures

Of some known sex offenders.

Sex offenders?

No, no. He took my shoes.

Oh, I understand completely.

Have I been violated?

Metaphorically, maybe.

A shoe fetish... That's pretty rare.

I don't know.

Doesn't surprise me a bit.

- oh? - mnh-mnh.

I used be shocked At stuff like that,

But I'm not anymore.

Really?

Yeah.

You can point to every Item in the sears catalog,

And somebody somewhere Wants to sleep with it.

I'll get it.

12th precinct. Wojciehowicz.

In his crude way, he's right.

In fact, fetishism isn't even Limited to inanimate objects.

Yeah, I really Don't have the time...

Studies have shown a Person can have a fetish

Over a human attribute.

Now, that is really ludicrous!

It's true.

There are people who Get sexually excited

Over qualities like, Uh... Punctuality,

Wisdom, compassion, Perceptiveness.

It is possible for One human being

To admire those traits In another human being

Without becoming Sexually excited!

Whoa, whoa. Settle down.

Wojo: barn?

There's a disturbance Over in central park.

Fine! Take dietrich with you.

What's all the excitement about?

He has a dispute with modern Psychological thought.

You mean you got on his nerves.

Right.

Morning, harris.

I know that coat.

You got one like it?

Got one...

Oh, that's a good one.

"Got one like it"!

Reporting for Duty as ordered, sir.

Good morning, levitt.

Oh, didn't I say that?

Is there something wrong?

Regarding what?

Your... Your entire Demeanor, your...

Oh, you mean the Lack of gung ho-ness.

Yes.

Oh. I feel it's Appropriate, sir.

I mean, it's not like Anything is gonna come

From this temporary assignment.

I see.

It's just accepting the Fact that these little jaunts

Up here to the world Of plain clothes

Are about as Transient as life itself.

Why, levitt, that's... That's almost existential.

Should I apologize For that, sir?

No, no, no, no. It's Just philosophy.

Oh. Maybe I picked It up from dietrich.

Maybe.

Uh... Why don't you work with Sergeant harris on his case?

Fascinating case.

Thanks, barn... Again.

I, uh... I know you're not Thrilled working with me.

You never are, but I've accepted that.

Um...

You, uh... You need More of those?

Uh... Sex offenders.

I know right where They are. I'll get them.

I don't care.

Okay, this is where We're going, in here.

What have we got here?

Old indian.

What's the charge?

Trespassing, Disturbing the peace.

Uh, barn, this is George tenfingers.

He's an indian.

Dietrich just told me.

This is captain Miller, my chief.

How do you do, mr. Tenfingers?

They're all there.

Oh. Well, what's the story?

Oh, well, uh... The Park department

Caught him in a restricted area.

He was camped out in this Flower bed under a tree.

He was, uh... Chanting And burning things.

Some sort of ceremony.

Mr. Tenfingers Says he wants to die.

- what? - that's why he Went to the park.

It's a good place to die.

The parks department's Gonna press charges?

For the time being.

All right, wojo, Take a statement.

Follow me.

Ugh. There you go.

All those?

It's a sick city, Ma'am, and a big one.

You sound bitter.

You only go around Once in this life,

And there's just not Enough gusto for everybody.

That man has a poor outlook.

Ah, visibility's bad down there.

Where do you live?

Where you do... At the Center of the universe.

It's an indian belief

That the center of the Universe for anybody

Is wherever they Are at the time.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah... Unless you're in jersey.

It's a little white-man's humor.

It's just something else We owe you an apology for.

Wojo, I just got off the phone With the parks department.

They've decided to Drop all charges.

You mean I can go?

Uh... No.

Barn, uh... This guy... He's got no home.

He's got no money.

He told me he hasn't Eaten for four days.

Haven't eaten in four Days, mr. Tenfingers?

It helps me to communicate With the spirit of the wolf.

Well, sure, if you starve Yourself out of your skull,

You can talk to all your Little friends in the forest.

Enough, wojo.

Barn, the guy's Making himself sick.

The wolf will Not let me be sick.

He's preparing me for death.

Well, he's not gonna Let you die here.

I prefer not to.

Mail call! Morning, everybody!

Not much anyway... A Couple items for harris,

One piece for wojo,

And nothing for the other guys.

Fine.

Or the indian.

Thank you, zatelli, thank you.

Uh... Oh, captain, here are Your manpower reports.

Fine, fine.

I also took the liberty

Of working up the Quarterly strength figures

And gave you your Year-end projection.

Excellent work. Keep it up.

I'll try, sir.

Yeah?

Uh... The, uh... The Bureau of indian affairs

Is sending someone over,

So can I hold the old Guy until they get here?

Sure, fine.

I didn't know they had An office in new york city.

Well, uh, um... I Called washington.

And they're sending Somebody up just for this?

You'd think they'd be all Involved with larger issues...

Reservations, land Claims... That sort of stuff.

I told him there might be

Some sort of, uh... Treaty involved.

Harris: barn?

Yeah?

Uh...

Uh... Miss dubois just Picked out a suspect.

It's one horace chandler,

- so I'll take levitt And go pick him up? - fine.

What the hell was that?

What's going on? What's the matter?

I'm sorry. His eyes were closed.

He didn't seem to be breathing. I thought he was dead!

You all right, mr. Tenfingers?

Yes.

I was with the wolf.

He took me to the Place where I'm going.

It was beautiful.

I thought I told you Not to get out that chair.

Uh... I could get You a doughnut.

Listen, I'm... I'm, uh...

I'm sorry about Yelling at you before.

I didn't mean nothing by it.

When you speak,

There's fire in your eyes And thunder in your voice.

Yeah, I... I, uh... I Get thundery a lot.

I was burned with the same fire.

It's not like you're Burned out now, you know?

You look in pretty Good shape to me.

"It is time to go," Says the wolf.

Mr. Tenfingers, uh...

Do... Do you... Do you Actually see this wolf?

He came back yesterday.

I'd only seen him Once before that.

When I found him in the woods,

He had run into The white man's trap.

It was a lesson for both of us.

Wojo.

Oh, just a minute.

Uh... What happened?

I let him go.

And in return,

He showed me the right Path for the rest of my life.

That is why I must Follow him now.

Wojo.

Uh... Just... Excuse me.

Yeah?

Heard anything from the Bureau of indian affairs yet?

Uh, not yet.

Any, uh... Contingency plans?

Like what?

Well, like, uh... Social agencies,

Men's shelters, Salvation army, something.

He'd just walk Right out of there.

Well, then, a Hospital, bellevue.

Well, when the bureau of Indian affairs guy gets here,

He'll... He'll just, uh...

He'll what? And What if he doesn't?

Right this way.

That's him! That's The grubby man!

Platforms,

Single strap in The back, open-toed.

This is our thief?

That's him, barney.

Please be careful with that Bag. You'll crinkle my patents.

Take it easy. Just take it easy.

Quite a collection.

Yeah... Pumps, Platforms, slippers...

What, no wedgies?

Wedgies? Not this fall.

You're a very sick man, mister!

Miss dubois.

Oh, I'm sorry. I Had to say that.

Hey. Hey, don't feel bad.

I know what I am, And... And it's all right.

I've accepted it.

I can live with it.

I am comfortable.

You want me to check

The ship movements To fantasy island?

Just take a statement.

Miss dubois, would you Step this way, please?

Come on, mr. Chandler. Hey.

May I speak privately With you, sir?

Certainly, just, uh...

May I help you?

I'm philip owens, Bureau of indian affairs.

Oh, you must be Here to see wojo.

Wojo? Wojo... Chippewa?

Polish.

I don't understand, levitt.

Your work in uniform Has always been very good.

But not excellent, sir.

I beg your pardon?

The word "Excellent," sir...

I don't believe I ever heard it In conjunction with my name.

Levitt, I...

Zatelli.

He does excellent Work, or so I've heard.

Levitt, you, too, have done

Some... Very... Excellent work.

You don't have to, sir.

Levitt, I wouldn't lie For someone's benefit.

Thank you, sir.

I... I believe I needed that.

Yeah, I guess we can all use

A pat on the rump every Once in a while, huh?

The compliment was enough, Sir, but thanks anyway.

I was led to believe

That there were questions Of treaty involved.

Well, there are.

What?!

I don't know. You're the expert!

Do you realize the kind of Responsibilities that I have?

I deal with entire indian Nations, not people!

No, you don't pull that "200 Years of guilt" stuff on me.

I have worked too Hard for you people...

Collectively, Not individually...

Because I don't have the time!

My god, I've got The arapahos at 3:00.

Barn, this is mr. Owens

From the bureau Of indian affairs.

- captain miller. - how do you do, mr. Owens?

I'm late.

Nice to meet you, too.

Captain, I was brought down Here on false pretenses.

I don't know if you people At the municipal level...

Mr. Owens, would you Step in my office a moment?

All right, but Just for a minute.

Married?

Divorced.

I'm sorry.

Hey, listen, it was the best Thing that could have happened.

She was always on my back, Yelling at me, screaming.

She had the Temperament of a bull.

Next of kin?

None.

And the feet of a brontosaurus.

Okay, mr. Chandler, come on.

We're going to have To go downstairs

To pick up some Pictures and prints.

Florsheim?

Gucci.

I had a hunch.

I just resent the Fact that I was lied to.

Well, lied...

He told me there was Questions of treaty involved.

Well, perhaps Sergeant wojciehowicz

Was just, uh... Confused

With regard to the Legalities of the situation.

Yeah.

I mean, uh, that's right.

I was confused.

I've never heard that said With such pride before.

Mr. Owens, does not the bureau

Have some facilities... A hospital, a...

On the reservation, Yes, but out here,

He's just like anyone else With that kind of problem.

Now, what do you Do with those people?

We ship them to bellevue.

Well, he is entitled To that same privilege.

That's it, ma'am. You're free to go.

Oh, thank you very much.

Well, I guess I'll Be trotting along.

Ma'am, your shoes.

Hmm? Uh, yes, what about them?

I'm afraid they'll Have to stay here.

Oh, you're joking.

Evidence, ma'am...

You'll be able to pick them Up in a couple of weeks.

A couple of weeks?

No, I don't have any Other shoes with me.

Regulations, ma'am. I'm sorry.

Tsk. Oh.

Officially, I can only Apologize for the inconvenience.

But the unofficial Options are still open.

Just a minute, okay?

I'm sincerely sorry there Isn't more I could have done.

I'm sure you are.

There just aren't Enough hours in the day

To do everything that I Want to for those people.

I can appreciate that.

With budget cuts, Government rollbacks,

Political pressure, Well, you know how it is.

Thank you, mr. Owens.

Yes, you're welcome.

Mr. Owens?

I mean that.

Sir, may I drive Miss dubois home?

She's without her Shoes. It's cold.

Sure, sure.

Miss dubois?

Well, thank you. That's very considerate.

You know, we're not required To do this, you understand.

Hmm.

But, uh, this one's on me.

Oh.

Miss dubois?

Wojo?

Oh, uh, yeah, right.

You got to go with Me now, mr. Tenfingers.

Where are we going, wojo?

Oh, well, uh...

We're going to go to someplace

Where they're going to help you.

It's a... A hospital.

But it's a nice place.

I mean, they're going to Take real good care of you.

It's for your own damn good.

Um... Dietrich, you Want to file that?

Hey.

Wojo?

Barn.

Are you all right?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Uh, I took him back to the park.

What?!

Yeah, he wanted To go, so I took him.

Wojo, how could you do that?

He's dead, barn.

I, uh... I stayed With him awhile,

And, uh, and we talked,

And then we just Sat... Then he died.

Just like that?

Made me feel good, barn.

Wojo...

This isn't a question of Right and wrong. It's...

It's what he wanted.

I don't mean, like, he... He Wanted to die, you know.

He wanted, uh...

Wanted to be in the park.

Um, barn, I'd like to take Off for a while, all right?

Yeah, sure.

Manual doesn't cover Something like this.

Sir, may I say I'm personally Proud of what you just did?

Most commanders Would have left their man

Hanging out there To dry, but not you.

And I want you to know,

Even though it's not My place to say so,

You're doing one hell of a job.

Thank you, levitt, thank you.