Original subtitles

Come on, man. I told You over and over.

Come on, bidell. Get over there.

Listen. I really Think these people

Would reconsider Pressing charges

If I could have five Minutes alone with them.

You did, and you held them up.

Well, yeah, but I...

"Oh, well, yeah, But I"... Come on.

Have a seat.

Morning, harris.

Hey, woj.

Hiya.

Hi.

Morning.

Good morning.

That a flower?

A carnation.

I don't think I ever saw a Carnation on nick's desk before.

Well, I didn't think he'd mind.

I mean, he's on vacation.

No.

No, he won't mind.

He's the easiest-going Guy in the world.

Well, he won't know...

Unless it gets spread around.

Right.

Hey, look. With my record,

If I go in there with an Armed-robbery charge,

I could get life as A habitual criminal.

Why'd you go out and Commit armed robbery again?

'cause that's what "Habitual criminal" means.

I see.

Eh, would you, um... Oh.

Oh, how about that?

What's the matter? It's only a carnation.

Well, it's just that I've Never seen a carnation

On nick's desk before.

Morning, harris.

Harris: hey, dietrich.

Hey, I got a right to A phone call, don't I?

Uh, yeah. Here you go.

Right there.

Thanks.

Hi, sarge.

Oh, call me roz.

Oh, listen, everybody.

Call me roz.

I mean, I just want to Establish a working relationship

With you guys.

I want you to be Able to depend on me,

And I want to be able To depend on you.

I want you to be able to Look at each other in the eye

And say, "You know,

You can depend on roz For damn near anything."

It takes a long time to Establish the kind of rapport

That's needed between people

Who work together in Life-and-death situations.

- watch him. - right.

We live together.

Oh.

Whatever it takes, vern.

I got to get out of here.

Don't give me that Wait-and-see stuff, vern.

This is it!

I go up now, I go up for good.

Yeah, I got it.

Barn, disturbance on 10th.

All right. You and, um...

We call her "Roz."

Hi.

Morning, everybody. Mail call.

I'm telling you, there's Not many cops up here.

M-maybe five guys.

Five and a half.

Uh, barney, I am going To need a little extra time

Because, uh, I have An appointment

Sometime this afternoon With a landlord

That I'm going to give this Check to as a down payment

For a place I saw in The village yesterday.

Barney, it's a one-bedroom,

Has a balcony and Hardwood floors, barney.

Hardwood floors.

Congratulations.

Hardwood floors.

I heard. I heard.

So, uh, what, did you Find an apartment?

Hardwood floors.

Well, I guess they all grow up

And leave the roost eventually.

Leave the roost?

He seems genuinely Unhappy that you're leaving.

I don't know why.

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe he's, uh, grown Accustomed to your face.

Well, barney, it's not like we Had an arrangement or anything.

Oh, of course not.

It was just temporary from The beginning, you know?

Of course, yes.

Barn, sometimes These things work out.

Sometimes they don't.

True.

You know, he did make a damn Good quiche lorraine, though.

Come on, honey. Don't be afraid.

Oh, this is not the ear.

This is a slight Pigment deficiency.

Take it easy, copper. I know my rights.

Don't give me That "Rights" stuff.

What the hell is Everybody staring at?

Just shut up!

You talkin' to me?

You know who... Who I'm talking to.

Wojo, what the hell Is going on here?

Captain, we have a 1052 here...

Public nuisance, Disturbing the peace.

This is louise Hellman, the victim.

- ma'am. - say hello to captain miller.

Hello. I was publicly abused.

And she loved every minute.

Shut up, sammy!

That dummy said vile, Obscene things to me!

Don't you call My friend a dummy!

Sammy, would you please!

Outrageous, filthy, disgusting!

- you're lucky I didn't... - will you just stop it?

Let's just hold it down, huh?

Wojo... Uh, who's that guy?

He's captain miller.

Thanks.

Don't mention it.

So, he was there yelling All these filthy things

At ms. Hellman here, and She was shouting back at him.

Yeah, she hit me. Why Don't you say something?

Sammy, would you please!

You're a sick piece of wood.

Let's just take it easy.

Captain, uh, I'm very sorry.

I really am, but there Was nothing I could do.

And you are, mr... Oscar leeds.

I'm terribly sorry.

I told him to stop, But he wouldn't.

You told who to stop?

Sammy.

Oh, come on, for god's sake.

Sammy?

She's making a federal Case, for crying out loud.

Just hold it down... Will you?

Barn, you, uh, want me To call disneyland east?

No, wait a second. Hold off a while.

Wojo, let's get some Information from mr. Leeds.

Right, barn. Over here.

What are you talking About? I didn't do anything.

Oh, sit down. Shut up.

Don't be abusive.

Just be quiet.

Uh, roz, you want to take Miss hellman's complaint?

Certainly, captain.

I have never been So embarrassed.

Oh, take it easy, kid.

You wouldn't believe The filthy things

He said he was Going to do to me.

I always thought they Could only move their heads.

Stop worrying. I Know a good lawyer.

God, I hate it when You're like this.

Looks like a classic Case of schizophrenia.

Could be.

Studies have shown a Number of such cases

Involving ventriloquists.

I bet they have.

I bet this guy is a bitter,

Frustrated, Possessed individual.

But he puts on a hell Of a show, though.

Afternoon.

Hi, barney.

Inspector.

Hi, har.

Got an apartment.

Beautiful.

What do I care, huh? Big deal.

- hey, barn. - inspector, uh...

I got to go to the bathroom!

Watch your language.

There's ladies in the Room and a puppet here.

Puppet?

What's with the Dummy, barney, huh?

Escape from a lumberyard?

Hello, there, sonny.

Well, what's your name?

My name's sammy. What's yours?

I'm deputy inspector Frank d. Luger,

New york police department.

I bet you can't say that Without moving your lips.

How you would you Like to go straight...

Oh, a snotty little Knothole, ain't he, huh?

Wash his mouth out with soap.

What's he in for, barn?

1052. He was... He Insulted the lady.

All right, come on. Get out of there.

All right. All right.

You don't have to Be so insensitive.

Just hurry up, man. I've got an appointment.

And no reading.

Right in here.

Captain, a lawyer Here for a leon bidell.

Ah, I'm captain Miller, mr., uh...

Johnson. I'm Mr. Bidell's lawyer.

Get a load of the dummy.

That's a dummy.

Very good, levitt. Very good.

Your client's in the bathroom.

He'll be out momentarily.

I see. I'll... I'll just Wait right here, then?

Of course.

Thank you.

Your lawyer's here.

You sure?

You finished?

Vern!

Hi.

My lawyer.

Vern... I've got... I'm so...

You got... You're looking great.

You got very... Now!

Oh, god.

All right, nobody move.

Aah! Oh, my god! He's got a gun!

I said, "Nobody move"!

You hear him?!

Hands in the air.

Over your heads, everybody.

All right. Put that Thing away now!

Be quiet! Nobody talks!

Nobody says nothing, Or my brother shoots!

Honey, I got to put you On hold for a second.

That's the last of the guns.

Yeah, here. Take this, too.

What are you doing, vern?

I can't cover all These people myself.

I don't want it. It's dangerous.

Vern, I need your Help. Nobody move!

No, no.

All right, into the cell.

Everybody into the cell.

Leon, you're not gonna Get away with this.

I'll get away with It. Into the cell!

Leon, there's not enough Room in that cell for everybody.

What, you want me to shoot Half to make more room?

All right.

Everybody in the cell.

Barn, for crying out loud.

Wojo, we got civilians up here!

Come on! In the cell!

Barney's right. It's For everybody's good.

Come on, honey. I'll help you in, hmm?

Oh, barney, please. Everybody?

It's so close in here.

Oh, I know.

Move it! Let's go! Let's go!

Come on, come on.

All right, Everybody's getting in.

Take it easy.

All right.

The key. Throw out the key.

Now youse are acting smart.

Nobody gets hurt.

Yeah, great. Nobody gets hurt.

We get away.

Come on, leon. Here we go.

Hey! You got any Guns, rifles, shotguns?

We don't have any Of that stuff up here.

All right.

We want a police-band Radio or walkie-talkies.

We were never issued any.

You're kidding.

We were sent a toaster instead.

A toaster?

Nobody told me about a toaster.

We would have eventually.

Leon, for god's sake, Let's quit talking and go.

- can I say something? - no.

This is for your own good As well as your brother's.

Go ahead!

- leon. - now, listen.

You've probably considered this,

But if you haven't, Just think of this.

There are 170 uniformed Policemen downstairs.

157, sir.

Levitt.

Six in court. Seven Out with the flu.

Thank you very much.

Bug going around.

157?

Vern, don't worry about it.

Leon!

Leon, let's get out of here Before somebody finds out,

While we still got the chance.

Chance?

What the hell kind of Chance you think we got

Trying to get past a Couple of hundred cops?!

You said get you out Of here, remember?

"A brother to a brother, Get me out of here!"

Leon, I gave it all up, leon...

I mean, my job, the Vfw, everything.

Come on, leon. Come on, leon.

Let's get out of here. Come on.

Come on. We're gonna leave.

We'll go hide. Where's the door?

Come on, vern. Vern...

I don't... This is crazy.

Look, you took care Of me all of my life.

Now I want to take care of you.

Sticky situation.

Bit of an Understatement, dietrich.

I meant if they don't kill us.

Where's your boss?

What is it you want, bidell?

Oh, you're right.

We're wasting time.

Uh, what I want is I want you

To get on the phone With your people,

And I want you to tell them...

I want you get us safe Passage to the airport...

Oh, and a plane, Gassed and ready to go,

And, um, cash.

I want $500,000 in small bills.

May I inquire as to Your destination?

Algeria.

What... What did he say?

Algeria!

That's in africa!

Hey, listen, you better Make some of them

Out in traveler's checks.

Frustrating, huh?

There's nothing We can do about it.

I should have wired That down payment.

Aah! The telephone!

The phone... It's Ringing! The phone!

That's it! The phone is ringing!

Answer it! Answer it!

Let me out of here!

Nice try...

But I ain't stupid.

Right.

12th precinct. Captain miller here.

Oh, kogan. Listen, kogan...

We're not gonna be taking Any calls for a while.

Want to reroute everything?

Yeah, listen, While you're at it,

Would you get me headquarters?

I'm afraid we've got a, Uh, bit of a situation here.

Yeah, I like it. I-I-I like it.

I like the word... "Situation."

Inspector?

Yeah, what?

May I exchange places with you?

It's a matter of breathing, sir.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, come on over.

Come over here, levitt.

Excuse me, but I don't think We've been formally introduced.

I'm inspector frank luger.

Well, how do you do? Sergeant rosslyn licori.

My pleasure, I'm sure.

Hey, that's an Interesting wedding ring

You're wearing there.

Is it against regulations?

No, no, no.

Gift from your husband?

When are they gonna call?!

What the hell could They be thinking over?

Don't they realize What I could do?

Don't they see That I'm in control?

You're not in control, leon.

What the hell do you call this?

An electric shaver?

You're not gonna Get away with it, leon.

Don't upset him.

Did you hear what he said?

Sounds like pop Pop. "Do what I say.

Do what your mother says. Do what the teacher says."

Hello.

Yeah, yeah, this is One of the terrorists.

They want to talk To captain miller.

Yeah, sure.

Uh, they want to talk to you.

I'm not talking to Anybody in this cell.

I'm sorry. It's just too hot.

All right! All right!

No funny business.

I'm dangerous.

I know.

Admit it.

I'm not really That bad of a guy.

You better stay away from me.

There's a dummy in there.

Why didn't I notice that before?

We're holding a dummy prisoner.

Don't talk crazy, vern!

Captain miller speaking.

Say, you're actually Kind of cute.

Listen, if you want to Talk to me, just talk to me.

You don't have to use that Grotesque piece of lumber.

I don't know what you mean.

She means, you Gruffy little no-good,

That you don't even have the Guts to speak your own mind.

Now, wait a minute.

Dietrich: that's the First step, oscar.

What?

Admitting it to yourself.

Well?

They want to send Somebody up to talk to you.

They're stalling.

Leon, let's talk to them.

No talking. No, I Just... I got to think.

I got to... I got to Think this thing out.

Here. Watch him. Watch him.

Where you going?

I'm going to the bathroom.

- again?! - I'm nervous!

That's normal in a situation

Such as we have here, huh?

- yeah, go on. Yeah. - go.

Bidell... D-don't talk.

Your brother needs help.

Look, I am helping him.

I'm just not gonna stand by

And see him put In prison for life.

He needs psychiatric help, Mr. Bidell, and any court...

Would you just Shut up?! Shut up!

Hey, what's going on?!

You too... Hey. Don't yell at me.

Leon, we haven't got a chance.

Don't talk like that.

Is that what he told you?

Leon, one way or Another, they'll get us.

- it's no use. - don't say that.

It won't work, leon!

Well, if you're gonna Lose your enthusiasm,

Give me the gun.

No.

Vern, give me the gun.

I won't.

Don't treat me like this In front of these people.

It's embarrassing.

Give me the gun.

All right.

Here, take it.

Oh, vern. Oh, wrong person.

It's for your own good.

Oh, what a mistake, vern.

Leon, you need help, leon.

I needed help two seconds ago.

Now... Now I need a lawyer.

Oh, god, I don't believe What you just did.

Do you believe what he did? Oh!

You're ridiculous, vernon!

Don't call me vernon!

I hate being called vernon. Now, don't call me vernon.

I knew they'd never Get away with it.

You know, that they'd Slip up somewhere.

I think we got lucky.

Luck? Luck had nothing To do with it, wojo.

It's your criminal Element, you know?

They got these little Flaws in their brains.

It runs in some families.

It runs a lot in my family.

Well, see you all around.

Don't forget to send Out your laundry.

See you, inspector. Okay, let's go.

In the cage. Come on.

In the cage. Let's go.

In you go.

Um, listen, everybody. Goodbye.

I really must be running along.

Well, wait a minute. What about mr. Leeds?

I think that I would just like

To forget about the Whole ugly business.

Oh, great.

Besides, I don't really think

That he meant all Those things that he said.

Uh, the man just hasn't Been himself lately.

If that's the way you feel.

Uh, barney.

I just got in touch With manhattan south.

They said they'll send A wagon for the bidells.

You got anything Else you need me for?

Um, not at the moment, no.

I got to make a call, barn.

Hardwood floors.

That's the one.

Hey, you can take off now.

She isn't gonna Sign a complaint.

I see.

Uh, I appreciate that.

Thank you.

Don't mention it.

What happened?

What?

What's the matter with him?

Oh.

He's dead.

Dead?

I guess the excitement Was too much for him.

Well, I'm sorry.

I-I know how close the two of...

Oh, god.

Barney, I got it.

The apartment is still mine.

- oh, good. - barney, could...

Yeah, sure. Go ahead.

Thanks, barney.

So, when you moving in?

Uh, it's... It's Vacant right now.

Uh-huh.

Uh, look, man.

I'd really like to, uh...

I'd really like to thank you For letting me live in with you.

It's all right. My pleasure.

I know.

What happens to us now, huh?

You get taken over To manhattan south,

And they hold you there Until you're arraigned.

They'll take care Of him, won't they?

The captain said They'd help him, huh?

They'll take care of him.

Wojo: barn...

Um, mr. Leeds... You're free to go.

I appreciate that. Thank you.

Is he dead?

Congratulations.

Thanks.

Water.

I need water.

Yeah.

Well, keep working on it.

Get me a doctor.

I need a doctor.

How about a warm blanket?

How about an aspirin?

I need an aspirin.

Will you at least Get me an aspirin?