Original subtitles

What's the matter, nick?

Oh, boy. I've got An upset stomach.

Something you ate?

I think the fish I ate last night

Didn't agree with me.

Spoiled?

No, cooked.

12th precinct. Sergeant dietrich.

Just a second. Is harris around?

- he's in the bathroom. - hold on a moment.

Harris?

Hello, dietrich.

Got a phone call for you.

I'll take it in here.

Huh?

I was just kidding. Take a message.

Oh, sure.

You know, that's a good idea.

- what's that? - extension cords.

Nick, how are we fixed For that demarco file?

Barney, are you sure You gave it to me?

Oh, don't tell me you lost it.

It's not lost.

Uh, it's currently not Available for viewing.

Nick, that file has to be

In the district Attorney's office today.

Late afternoon.

That file is a nightmare.

There's no system To it. No organization.

There are files in there

That should have been Thrown out 10 years ago!

It's a mindless hodgepodge Of useless information!

I had plans to reorganize The whole thing.

Really?

I had plans to ask You to do just that.

We think along the same lines.

- good morning. - good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

- good morning. - good morning.

Good morning. I'm captain miller.

Oh, abel kleiner.

Pleased to meet you, captain.

My pleasure. What Can we do for you?

Well, if it's not Too much trouble,

I would like to have some copies

Of your wanted posters...

One of mr. Jackson there

And, uh, mr. Clinton

And, uh, miss la Salle, the forger.

Could you give me a reason?

I'm a bounty hunter.

Oh.

Well, you hadn't mentioned it.

Well, I just got back From the post office.

They pay pretty good...

$300 for check fraud, $500 for mail theft.

Pardon me, mr. Kleiner. I'm a bit bewildered.

I-I don't... It's very simple.

I got here

A collection of wanted persons.

They're all cross-indexed,

And they're all up-to-date.

I keep my eyes open.

You do this for a living?

Well, listen, I retired Two years ago,

So I got plenty Of time for myself.

So, it keeps me busy,

And it helps with The groceries a little.

I'm surprised we haven't Seen you around here before.

I just moved into your Precinct from brooklyn.

I see, so you've come to check The local supply of criminals.

Right. My first rule

Is to establish a good Working relationship

With the police in the area.

Very conscientious of you.

Listen, I can't do It all by myself.

That's true.

So, listen, how About the posters?

Huh?

Mr. Kleiner, I'm afraid that Police department policy

Is not to distribute those Circulars to the general public.

General public? I'm a professional.

Mr. Kleiner, you know What would really

Get our relationship Off to a good start?

If you would give Some information

To sergeant wojciehowicz here...

Your qualifications, Your credentials,

Your intentions,

And then we'll see Where we go from there.

My pleasure. Of course.

Have a seat, mr. Kleiner. I'll be right with you.

Thank you.

We appreciate your Cooperation, sir.

Captain, I think we're gonna Work together very well.

I certainly hope so.

- thank you. - thank you.

He's an unusual bounty hunter.

Ain't exactly steve mcqueen.

Why would he be?

Steve mcqueen.

He ised to be a bounty Hunter on television.

Oh.

Yeah, he was josh randall On "Wanted dead or alive."

I didn't know that.

You're not the only Esoteric person around here.

I guess not.

12th precinct, Sergeant dietrich.

Okay, got you.

Captain, got a disturbance, 8th and broadway.

- who are you on with today? - harris.

Oh, okay, you two.

Harris... You and me.

Hmm.

That was regina gregory That called before.

Oh, yeah?

I told her you'd call back when You got out of the bathroom.

You told her I was In the bathroom?

That's where you were.

I know, but, I mean,

That's no need to go Destroying people's illusions.

Oh, I'm sorry. I Thought she knew.

Uh, nick, you can, uh...

Forget about looking For the demarco file.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I, uh... Found It on my desk.

It was under a Whole big pile of, uh...

I must have forgotten To put it back.

Oh.

Look, I'm sorry for Blowing up at you before.

Oh, that's all right.

No, before I run Off at the mouth,

I should know what I'm talking about...

Make sure I'm not the culprit.

Forget it.

No, no. I owe you one.

Okay.

I will need that Bonaventure report.

We're even.

Okay... Here we go.

You know, everybody's Offering rewards...

The fbi, the post Office, the kiwanis club.

Nobody ever takes Advantage of that.

Yeah, well, uh,

It's good to see someone Taking an interest.

You know, I go up to Times square, central park.

On a good day,

You can spot maybe $700, $800 worth of people.

It's true.

Yeah.

Listen, mr. Kleiner, sit There just a minute for me,

All right?

Hey, barn?

I, uh, checked him out.

He's harmless enough, just Got sort of a weird hobby.

Mr. Kleiner, we really Appreciate you coming down here

So we can get acquainted.

Do I get the posters?

And thank you for your Interest in our efforts.

I don't get the posters.

Mr. Kleiner, there are People on those circulars

That are armed and dangerous.

They got nothing against me.

I would feel Personally responsible

If anything Happened. Here you go.

Captain, I'm not A foolish person.

Mr. Kleiner, please.

This is not a whim Of an old man.

I've studied these people For hours, for days.

I've imprinted their Features, their builds,

Their characteristics Indelibly on my mind.

Mr. Kleiner, I really believe There are certain areas

Best left to those of us That are better equipped

And better trained.

Whatever you say, captain.

Uh, by the way,

You got a poster up There of a vincent falco...

Extortion, armed robbery.

The fbi captured him last june.

Well, I... I guess We'll take it down.

You're the experts.

Okay, mr. Altman, Come on, right this way.

We are talking about a Physiological dependency.

I-I can't control that.

Look, it's a sickness.

When you get hooked On that white powder,

It makes you do crazy things.

Harris? Addict?

Uh-huh.

Heroin, huh?

Sugar.

Of course. How stupid of me.

Captain miller, this Is howard altman.

Mr. Altman.

You people think that I'm some kind of a nut.

Haven't you read the articles?

Read all the medical reports?

Sugar is killing This entire country.

Okay, take it easy. What happened?

According to witnesses, He accosted a lady

In audrey's sweet shop By 8th and broadway.

What'd he do?

Grabbed a lady's nougat.

Then he ran out of the shop.

I had to have a fix.

When we caught up with him A couple blocks away, barn,

He was cramming The junk in his face.

I'm not kidding. I Was desperate.

Couldn't you wait until They waited on you?

They went by my number.

They had one of those Little ticket dispensers.

I had number 27.

They called, "28, 28."

I showed them my number 27, And they refused to go back.

Candy-shop policy.

And that lady... I Was ahead of her.

Mr. Altman, that does Not give you license

To resort to violence.

I can't help it.

It's a disease.

I see.

Why don't you tell sergeant Dietrich all about it?

Want to have a seat Over there, mr. Altman?

Are you gonna book me now?

Sure, look... Five Desks, no waiting.

I appreciate that.

Something the matter, nick?

Oh, I don't know.

I feel overheated,

And the next Minute, I got chills.

I hope I'm not coming Down with something.

Strange how filing Always seems to bring out

Hitherto dormant Disorders in you.

Maybe I'm allergic to... Manila.

Try and carry on, hmm?

Actually, it's only Been since about 500 a.D.

That sugar as we know It has been in existence.

Sure, sure. It's been Killing us ever since.

Yeah. It wasn't till Then that a scientist

At the university of Jonsipur in the persian empire

Developed a process for Solidifying and refining

The juice of cane Into solid form

That could be officially Stored and transported.

I didn't know that.

You might even call him The father of refined sugar.

You know, you're The first person

To take this thing seriously.

Or the sugar daddy.

Wojo: what's the matter?

Nick, you all right, man?

Barney?

Just take it easy.

- what's going on? - I don't know.

Wojo, call a doctor. Where does it hurt?

Down here.

Could be his appendix.

Great. All right, Just try and relax.

Make yourself as Comfortable as possible.

Anything we can do for you?

Yeah.

File this.

Nick, you want To try and sit up?

Yeah, eventually, eventually.

Look, whatever's the Most comfortable.

- just hang in there. - yeah, yeah.

Yeah, a sharp pain in The lower right abdomen.

Right. Just a minute. Hey, nick.

He wants to know If you've got nausea.

You know, bleahh.

Now that you mention it.

Yeah, he's got it.

Just a minute. Is the Pain getting more...

He says yes.

I see.

He thinks he's got appendicitis.

Oh, my god.

It's from sugar. It infects.

It eats away at all your organs.

Will you keep your opinions To yourself, mr. Altman?

It's an insidious demon.

Just keep it down.

Anybody got some chocolate?

He says we've got to Keep him on his back

Until the ambulance gets here.

You think you can make it To the couch in my office?

With appendicitis patients,

It's best to put them On a hard surface.

Do you want us to Put him on the floor

Like a sack of potatoes?

I don't think that's A fair metaphor.

May we discuss the Literary merits another time?

Okay, I got it.

We're supposed to keep His back as flat as possible.

Wojo, clear off your Desk. We'll put him there.

- easy, easy, easy. - okay, okay.

Get you over there.

Okay, let's get you up there.

I can make it. I can make it.

Okay, there you go.

We're gonna need Something under his head.

Okay, come on. Lie Down. There you go.

Hey, man, that is Custom italian corduroy!

Oh, sorry!

It's just not even A consideration.

We're supposed to keep Some ice on him in case the...

Okay, just find Some ice in there.

Where?

There must be Some in the building.

There's some on the furnace.

D-don't try and talk.

There's a soft-drink Machine downstairs.

Good idea. Go ahead.

Got any change?

Here, here... Borrow some!

Is there a candy Machine down there?

I'll take anything! I don't care!

A hershey if they've got it!

Look, is there anything Else we can get for you, nick?

I don't think so, harris.

Anybody you want us to call?

Uh, there's a three-horse Parlay at belmont.

I'm talking about Relatives. Come on.

Oh. No.

Look, the ambulance is Gonna be here any moment,

So just try to relax, huh?

Tell you what, why Don't you close your eyes,

Try to maybe take a nap?

But we're here. We're right here.

If you need anything, Just holler... Uh, ask.

Weird... I mean, it Coming on so sudden.

Normally, there's two, Three hours warning pain.

Gives you plenty of time

To get the person To the hospital.

Well, um... Actually, he, uh...

Did complain of pain before.

Oh?

I didn't take him seriously.

I thought he was joking.

You got a dry sense of humor.

Where's wojo with that damn ice?

Afternoon, gentlemen. Captain.

What?

- it's 1:00. - so?

You promised me a few moments

To review certain highlights Of my service record, sir.

Levitt, I...

Oh, have I come at an Inopportune time, sir?

Well, yes.

We're having a Little difficulty.

Sergeant yemana is not well.

Yes, I noticed he Wasn't at his usual desk.

I hope it's nothing Serious, sir.

We're taking care of It, but in the meantime,

We will have to postpone Our little meeting.

- I understand, sir. 2:30? - levitt...

Bad time for me, too, sir.

Captain miller, I'm back.

What is it, mr. Kleiner?

- I got one! - one what?

Victor jurassic... Wanted for mail fraud

And interstate flight To avoid prosecution.

$600.

Mr. Kleiner, we're a little Busy around here right now.

I spotted him on 7th avenue.

I trailed him for 15 blocks

Down to his flophouse On the bowery.

He's there now.

You're the bounty hunter. What do you want from us?

A little backup.

Why don't you have A seat, mr. Kleiner?

I got a $600 package Down at the ace hotel.

I don't have time to sit down.

I thought we came to an Understanding this morning.

All right, all right.

We'll split 50-50, But that's all.

- wojo. - what did you get me?

They didn't have any ice.

- what do you got in there? - popsicles.

I'll take one of those! Please!

It's frozen water.

Captain, I'm going Alone, by myself.

God willing, I'll Be back in an hour.

Mr. Kleiner!

Mr. Kleiner, are you Perfectly certain

That the man you saw is This man in the picture?

Captain, these eyes Don't make a mistake.

Uh, levitt.

Why don't you go With mr. Kleiner here?

He may have located A wanted person.

Yes, sir.

Would you have something In a larger policeman?

Officer levitt is a Perfectly competent,

Highly trained, Well-qualified officer.

I'm sorry, forgive me.

I appreciate that, sir.

That's okay, levitt.

Maybe you'd like to note That on my service record.

- levitt! - no hurry, sir.

All right, kleiner, Let's move out.

Well, he says the Popsicles are helping.

That's good.

I want to know when is that Ambulance gonna get here.

I don't know, but the doc says That if the appendix bursts,

It can kill you.

Kill you?

Let's keep our voices down.

Wojo's correct.

Wojo's correct. Wojo's correct.

If he ruptures, toxic Fluids in the abdominal cavity

Could result in peritonitis.

What are we going to do,

Sit here and wait for it to pop?

Anything I should know?

No. No, nick.

No, we were just talking

About how much Work there is to do

And how we're gonna Go about doing it, huh?

How do you feel?

Pregnant.

Is that sugar?

- is that sugar in that jar? - yeah.

Just a couple of teaspoons.

A couple of Teaspoons... I'll be fine.

It's not good for you. You said so yourself.

I was wrong!

Just keep it down, will you?

Look, hey, hey, hey, hey.

I was embarrassed. I was angry.

Sugar is a wonderful food.

It gives you energy.

- it's good for you. - no!

Come on!

Damn it, give me some sugar!

Will you keep it down?

I'm-I'm-I'm sorry.

We've got a sick man here. What's the matter with you?

Look, I'm really a More dignified person

When my glucose level is normal.

Did you call an ambulance?

I vaguely remember Doing so, yeah.

Barney: here we go. Let's go. Come on.

Oh, good.

Okay, let's do it all together.

Hold it a second.

In case something happens to me,

Barney, there's a Few things I got to...

I want to tell you.

Okay, we'll talk about it later.

Let's go. Okay.

I know what happens when One of these things go,

You know what I mean?

And I want to talk to you now.

I file the precinct reports

And the manpower requests

Under "P" and "M" together.

And the specific Cases, I cross-file

On the top drawer up to "K,"

And if you can't find the Case you're looking for,

You try "Miscellaneous," Under "R."

I'll try to remember That. Let's go, come on.

Here we go. Okay.

Phil, any word on nick yet?

No, but the hospital said

They'd call when They knew something.

Hey, look, nothing's Going to happen to him.

Yeah, sure. Listen,

Thousands of appendectomies Are performed every year.

They're considered a safe and Relatively simple procedure.

But?

But what?

Well, I mean, you Always add something.

No. That's it.

Well, I appreciate that, arthur.

Yeah, I know.

Let's step lively, Jurassic. Come on, in here.

What the hell is he Doing with my picture?

The public's not Supposed to have that.

- sir... - victor jurassic.

Mail fraud, interstate flight.

What are you cops doing,

Sending out an old man To hunt down felons?

Ain't you got any pride?

Just button up Your lip and sit down.

You heard what the man said.

I'm calling the hospital, Barn. Maybe they forgot.

Uh, if you will Initial this receipt?

12th precinct, captain Miller speaking.

Yes. Well, uh, w-what happened?

How is he?

Uh, nick's gonna be all right.

Can we talk to him?

Yes, I understand.

Thank you very much, ma'am.

Seems he's still a little Delirious from the anesthesia.

The nurse said he kept Mumbling something

About "Appendix" coming Before "Armed robbery."

Captain, my receipt, please.

Certainly, mr. Kleiner.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

It's been a pleasure Doing business with you.

There you are, sir.

Officer, my policy is To share my reward

With any person who's Been of any assistance.

Shall we say 20%?

Sir, a police officer

Does not accept any private Monetary remuneration.

His reward is the Gratitude of the public,

The respect of his Fellow officers,

And the recognition he Receives from his superiors.

I hope I made that Perfectly clear.

You're a cute, Crazy, little person.

I hope you don't share The same opinion, sir.

Certainly not.

I'll be going down.

Okay.

Cute, isn't he?

Yeah.

Crazy little person.