Original subtitles

So this guy comes into my Coffee shop about 7:00 a.M.,

Whips out this gizmo, Tells me it's a detonator.

And he says he has Dynamite in his pants.

Very clever.

Then he says if I don't empty My cash drawer into his bag,

He's gonna push the button.

He said it'll blow the roof off.

Among other things.

Well, then some Customers came in,

And he panicked, and he ran out.

But the weirdest thing is,

I felt like I was through The whole thing before.

Yeah, you usually Remember things like that.

Then it hits me.

I saw it on tv the other night.

Oh, yeah?

The exact same thing... They did it on a cop show.

Maybe you saw it.

No, I don't like to Watch shows like that.

I can't enjoy them Because, being a cop myself,

I spot the mistakes And the inaccuracies

And the fantastic Things that, in real life,

Would never happen.

On the show, they caught him.

Good example.

Boy, that's a weird Sensation, you know?

I mean, isn't there A word for it

When something happens

And you're sure it Already happened before?

There's a word for That, isn't there?

Probably.

- uh, want some coffee? - no, thanks.

Back in a minute.

Deja vu.

Pretty good. How's yourself?

No, nick. Deja vu is the word.

It's a distortion of memory

In which a new Experience is regarded

As happening before.

Oh.

Yeah.

I think this is one of them.

- harris not in yet? - nope.

Seems to me he was Late yesterday, too.

Deja vu.

There's a lot of It going around.

Good morning, sergeant harris.

Barney, I think this Whole civilization

Is heading for extinction.

And you want to know why?

Tardiness.

Too many people and Not enough shelter.

You still looking For an apartment?

Yeah.

I saw a great ad In the paper, barn...

On 1st and 28th... One bedroom,

A fireplace, view of the river.

Sounds lovely.

I get there, and there Are already 35 people

Lined up in the hallway.

They're pushing and Shoving at each other

And acting like a Bunch of wild turkeys.

And you didn't Get the apartment?

I could only make It to fourth in line.

I see.

Boy, I mean, really,

They started yelling And shouting at me.

They were really getting ugly.

I think they were Just demonstrating

A basic tenet of human belief.

Yeah, what's that?

No frontsies.

Wojo go downstairs?

He's in the bathroom.

Aren't the results of his Sergeant's exam due today?

- yeah. - oh, god.

Harris...

Well, barney, I just Don't want to be here

When he fails again.

If... If he fails again.

Whatever.

He hasn't said a Word to me about it.

Said anything to Any of you guys?

I think I heard him praying.

Obviously, he wants to Keep it a private matter.

In any case, if he Doesn't bring it up,

Let's none of us Bring it up, all right?

- mail in? - uh, no.

How are you doing on The precinct reports?

Oh. Slow, but sure.

Good luck.

On the precinct reports.

Uh, I want to go Downstairs just for a minute.

Sure.

What do you got here?

Sure.

Mr. Boston here Was robbed by a guy

Who used the same m.O. As he saw on tv last night.

Another copycat crime.

That's the fifth in The last two weeks.

Yeah.

There's a lot of good things on.

It's the new season.

Same description?

Yep.

What'd he do?

Threatened to Blow his pants off.

I must have missed that one.

Mr. Boston, we'll Do the best we can.

On the show, they caught him.

Mail call, gentlemen.

Did you see wojo?

Yes, sir.

He grabbed his Mail in the hallway.

I think I got a paper cut.

He was expecting something.

Results of the Sergeant's exam. I know.

Fifth time's a charm, eh, sir?

Levitt!

And everyone!

Now, listen.

Let's not overexaggerate The importance of this thing.

It's merely a test.

It's not a matter Of life and death.

The man will have many Other opportunities.

Yes, sir.

10-30 in progress. Liquor store on canal.

All right, you and harris.

Harris.

Nick, why don't You have mr. Boston

Check out some of Our mug books, huh?

All right.

I made it.

I'm a sergeant.

Hey, wojo!

Congratulations.

How about that, nick, huh?

I don't know what to say.

I was only prepared In case you failed.

- see you, sarge. - so long, sergeant.

Hey!

So, uh, anyway, uh, I figured

That we could Pick up a little food

And, uh, go up to my place

And, uh, do a Little celebrating.

Yeah, right.

But you better be ready

'cause this time I'm a sergeant.

Uh, so, I'll see you?

Right. Okay. Yeah.

Just telling a few Friends the good news.

How's it feel being a sergeant?

I don't know.

I'll find out tonight.

Well, I want you to know, I'm damn proud of you.

Thanks, barn.

How are you fixed for Those precinct reports?

Oh.

You still want me to do them?

Yeah, I'll need them As soon as possible.

Oh, well... Sure, why not?

Thank you.

Uh, boston check Through the mug books?

Yep.

- anything? - nope.

It's a pity we don't Have a television.

No, there's not much on.

Don't you have any work, nick?

Research.

I'm trying to get a line on The copycat's next crime

By going through the listings.

My apologies. Anything interesting?

Lucy just found out She was pregnant.

She doesn't know How to tell ricky.

That's the one where Ricky loses his job.

No kidding.

All right, come on, here.

Watch your step.

Hey, how much Higher are we going?

Well, we've stopped,

But you can Continue if you wish.

What have we got here?

This is harold durrell, barney.

I am an alcoholic.

I admit that freely.

I'm also a member of a.A.

However, I was out of town

During the last Several meetings.

I see.

He tried to hold up conroy's Liquor over on canal.

Looks like he succeeded.

He was like this Before the holdup.

Well, I just needed something

To steady my nerves For a few days.

He told the clerk to take all The money out of the register

Or he was gonna shoot him.

Used a gun, huh?

No, he just used his fingers.

So I forgot to Put it in my pocket.

What is that, a crime?

As soon as the clerk Got through laughing,

He called the police.

No respect anymore.

I mean, people just Don't give a damn.

I mean, nobody Takes you seriously.

We do, mr. Durrell.

That's why we're gonna book you.

Harris...

Hey, I appreciate the gesture.

My pleasure.

Over here, durrell.

Hold up. Hold it a minute.

You gonna get sick?

You gonna get sick, you tell me.

I'm okay.

Just don't get sick on me, man.

Don't keep saying sick.

Uh, look, have a seat.

Uh, face that way.

Dietrich, you Involved in anything?

Here?

Yes, here.

No.

Would you like to give nick a Hand with the copycat case?

Maybe you can check Through some files.

Maybe we can look Through the tv guide.

Nick's already done that.

Come up with anything?

Only that lucy is pregnant.

That charlie brown's A devil, isn't he?

Wojo, how about the...

They're right Here, barn. All done.

Oh. Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

Wojo...

You didn't put any arrest Numbers on the bottom.

Well, they're the same As the ones at the top.

Can't some third-grader Downtown do it?

If you don't mind... Sure, barn.

12th precinct. Harris.

Uh, yeah, where?

Got it.

Barney!

I got a tip. I'm gonna Go follow it up.

On what?

Two bedrooms, a loft, Overlooks the river...

Harris!

Barney, if I don't go now, It's gonna get snapped up.

All right, get going.

Hey, thanks, barney.

You get back as Quick as possible.

Right.

Hey, I think I'm gonna be sick.

Feel free.

Yeah, I got it.

Barn, that was dispatch.

They spotted some guy

Riding on top of the 8th avenue subway.

What for?

Well, they don't know.

The transit guards tried To grab him at 14th street.

He broke away and Ran off into the tunnel.

He's got a gun.

A gun. Everybody's got a gun.

There's a lot of nuts Out there, barney.

Or "An embittered veteran Concocts an ingenious plan

To rob the new York subway system."

Tuesday... Movie of the week.

It's a coincidence.

All right, you and dietrich.

But I took the call.

It's their case.

I really feel Lousy. I ain't kidding.

You're not really gonna Get sick all over us, are you?

Just a matter of where.

Wojo, take Mr. Durrell to the john.

What?

He's gonna get sick All over the place.

Sure, barn. I'll do it. Why not?

Studied eight years To be a damn sergeant,

Taking drunks to the john.

Come on, man. Get in there.

The guy tries to rob the train

By attaching himself To the money train

With suction cups.

Oh, did you see the movie?

No, did you?

No, but, golly, I can't wait To see how it comes out.

Oh, baby.

It is a beautiful day out there.

Yeah, well, where The hell have you been?

Ooh, it's a little Chilly in here.

Well, I got better things to do

Than babysit your prisoners.

Well, I didn't ask you to.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on?

I'm trying to finish These stupid reports,

And I got to take this guy To the can every five seconds

While harris is Out fooling around.

I wasn't out Fooling around, man.

I was out seeking Shelter, which I got.

- congratulations. - thanks, barney.

I got a few rights here.

Wojo, would you like To talk in my office?

No, I got to finish These reports.

That's okay. It's okay. Come on.

I'd just like a little Consideration around here.

Wojo, you know we've Got limited manpower here.

We have to work together.

That's right, man.

Look, we try to Help each other out.

I mean, we try to Lighten the burdens

Of our fellow officers, man.

Look, we are a team.

Pbht!

Very well put.

Oh, thanks, barney.

Go in for wojo.

Hmm...

You work and sweat your butt off

For... To make something,

And you do, and It's no different.

What did you expect to happen?

All of a sudden, All the paperwork,

All the tedium was gonna Miraculously disappear?

No, I... I just...

Thought things would be better.

Wojo...

Wojo, it's natural To have a letdown

After an emotional high point.

It's like after you, Uh... Fool around?

That's an example.

Well, this is worse.

It took me eight years To make sergeant.

I fool around all the time.

What?!

I told you to get inside!

I can't hear a thing on Account of the subway!

What the hell is Going on out here?

Ah... Is this our, uh, commuter?

Angelo dodi.

We got him out of the Tunnel with some tear gas.

He had all these Things with him,

Like on tv, remember?

I remember.

He stuck himself On top of the train,

And he couldn't get off.

Suction cups.

From south ferry all The ways up to 168th street,

Back and forth five times!

Very stupid stunt, mr. Dodi.

What?!

Not very bright!

Hey, it would have worked

If they hadn't have switched Cars on the money train!

See, they weren't Supposed to switch trains!

Maybe they didn't see the movie!

Yeah!

But in the movie, Everything went off perfect!

You mean, they got away with it?

What?!

You mean, they got Away with it in the movie?!

Yeah, but then he Gets hit by a truck!

How fortunate we Finally caught up with you.

What?!

Will you book Mr. Television here?

Over there, mr. Dodi.

Over there!

My name is roy jenkins.

You're holding a Mr. Harold durrell.

Uh, yeah. You're The man from a.A.?

I'm an alcoholic. I Admit that freely.

That's the same Thing durrell said.

Who's in charge here?

Yes? I'm captain miller.

I'm roy jenkins,

Mr. Durrell's sponsor from a.A.

What can I do for You, mr. Jenkins?

I would like to Know why mr. Durrell

Is in that cage, captain.

Alcoholism is a Disease, not a crime.

Alcoholism, no, but Attempted robbery, yes.

Robbery?

I stuck up conroy's Liquor store.

You really needed To drink that bad?

Oh, no.

That's what I do for a living.

I mean, it just never Came up at the meetings.

I'd like to speak to Mr. Durrell privately.

Certainly.

Barney, I tagged These for evidence.

- good. - if you want to see them,

They'll be sticking On the file cabinet.

Here you go.

Marital status?

Marital status?!

None!

Who wants to marry, anyway?!

I mean, out there!

Remember donna reed?!

I beg your pardon?

Donna reed!

That was a woman, remember?!

I can just see her.

She used to be Standing in the kitchen

With a little apron on

And them stockings With the seams...

And high heels.

That was a long time ago.

I know what youse Are thinking...

Filthy mind, pervert, right?

Your impure thoughts

Are your own business, mr. Dodi.

I just wish you'd restricted Your activities to that.

I-I-I just...

Wanted a little of the adventure

And excitement that they...

That they always have on tv.

You got it.

Yeah.

You see, roy...

I'm in kind of a Dangerous line of work.

I need something To steady myself.

Harry, I'm sure there are a lot

Of other criminals In your position

Who are functioning Very productively

Without having to use Alcohol as a crutch.

I was just gonna have one drink.

One drink is too many, And a hundred isn't enough.

Yeah, I remember you Saying that before.

Look at me.

I'm living proof

Of what 11 years Of sobriety can do.

I know.

I have a wonderful family,

A respected position In the community,

- just... - a lovely home,

Two beautiful cars.

You told me about That the last...

I bought a speedboat.

Did I mention that?

Listen, roy, I...

And all because I became sober

And I stayed sober.

Roy...

You want to know the real reason

I never called you before?

Why?

'cause you're boring.

What?

You bore the hell out of me.

But, harry, I-I only Want to help you

To live a fuller and More rewarding life.

So give me the speedboat. Don't keep boring me.

I don't understand.

You always seemed to Enjoy our talks before.

I was always drunk before.

Oh.

What...

Man, what do you mean I Can't have the apartment?

Well, why not?

Look, I want a reason.

Because what?

Look, man, that is Illegal discrimination!

Yeah, that's what that is!

Yeah, look, you are Gonna be hearing from the...

Hell... Hell... Hello?

Problem?

Barney, this cretin

Says he won't rent The apartment to me.

'cause you're black?

No, 'cause I'm a cop.

Really?

He says he won't rent to anybody

Who doesn't have a steady job.

Well, listen, you'll Find something.

Oh, barney, I'm Never gonna... Hey.

Hey, harris.

You got a problem, you solve it.

There's nothing to be gained

By starting to feel Sorry for yourself.

You just got to...

Barney, what's Gonna become of me?

Barney.

Barney, I'll finish The reports now.

It's okay. Harris did them.

Thanks.

Yeah, sure.

Uh... Harris, I'm sorry

For blowing up At you over there.

It's all right, man.

You're right.

I mean, we got to work together.

So...

Well, you ever want Anything, you just ask.

Can I have your apartment?

Uh, well... Hey, man, forget it.

Okay, I'm going to put You in the cage now.

Are you guys really cops?

Imean, you don't look like cops.

I mean, you don't act Like the cops I seen on tv.

Contrary to Appearances, mr. Dodi,

We are cops.

Yeah. I guess you must be.

Mr. Dodi, television has created

A false image of policemen,

Portraying them as colorful, Infallible superbeings,

When actully we're Just average people,

Pretty much like everybody else.

Oh.

And dat's de name of dat tune.