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1
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:52,975
MALCOLM: Help me get her
in the car, Ray!
2
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,760
RAY: Okay, but this bitch
heavy as hell, cuz!
3
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,295
MALCOLM: Nigga,
get your hands off her ass!
4
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,215
RAY: Let me finger
gangbang her at least, homie!
5
00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,455
MALCOLM: Just help me
get her to the hospital!
6
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:00,575
RAY: Okay, one finger then!
MALCOLM: Ray!
7
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:01,695
(ENGINE STARTS)
8
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,495
RAY: All right, but we
ain't goin' inside, homie.
9
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,249
We gonna go around
the emergency loop,
10
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,015
roll her ass out like
we do all the homies
11
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,565
that get shot
in the hood, homie.
12
00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,564
Why you snuff her fine ass anyway, homie?
I wanted to bone, cuz.
13
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,768
She was possessed, Ray!
Possessed?
14
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,495
Possessed like head
spinnin' around
15
00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:16,760
vomitin' everywhere, possessed?
16
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:18,335
Or like possessed like Kanye
17
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:19,600
when you take a picture of him?
18
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:21,295
Just drive like
you got warrants, please!
19
00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:22,321
Nigga, I do got warrants!
20
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,404
Look! These right here!
Jaywalkin'!
21
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,040
For eating grapes in the grocery
store without payin' for 'em!
22
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,095
Shavin' my dog's
balls in public.
23
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:31,849
Drivin' with my hands
off the wheel, cuz.
24
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,495
I be ghost-ridin'
my whip, cuz.
25
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:34,975
I like doin' that shit, homie.
26
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,571
An altercation with my moms,
homie, but she provoked me, cuz!
27
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,935
Ray-Ray, I think she's waking.
All right, here! Take this
28
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,895
and pistol-whip her
with the butt of the gun.
29
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:43,490
I'm not pistol-whippin'
my girlfriend!
30
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,095
All right, nigga, well, you drive
and I'll pistol-whip that bitch!
31
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:47,375
(GROWLS)
(GROANING)
32
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:48,811
Kisha, resist!
33
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,445
(IN DEMONIC VOICE) But you didn't!
34
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,968
I've seen you for the bitch that
you are, Malcolm. (SHUSHING)
35
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:57,529
What's she talkin' about, homie?
Booty pirates!
36
00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,724
Nothing, she's possessed, man.
That's right, you fucker!
37
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,975
He's a Ghostbuster!
38
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,729
That sound real suspect
back there, homie.
39
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:06,375
Was you in juvie, cuz?
40
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,482
If you don't cry, you ain't
no bitch in there, homie.
41
00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:11,769
I didn't cry. Doodles on they dick.
Joke's on them, cuz.
42
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,207
By the powers vested to me,
43
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,561
that somebody gave me
while I was locked up...
44
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,405
Who are you?
It's Father Williams, homie.
45
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,455
She do a mean impression
of that nigga, cuz.
46
00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:23,562
I do a mean impression
of The Butler. Check it.
47
00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,935
"I'm here for the boss.
I'm here to serve the boss."
48
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,255
Who are you?
I'm Forest Whitaker, homie.
49
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,415
From the movie
that's like The Help,
50
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,095
but he didn't doo-doo
in the pie, homie.
51
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,455
Ray, I'm not talkin' to you!
I'm talkin' to Kisha.
52
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:33,535
(GROANS) Ray!
53
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,575
Are you gonna let that bitch
choke you out, cuz?
54
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,648
You a bitch, homie...
(GROWLING)
55
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,095
Get the fuck off me!
56
00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,009
(PANTING) Kisha! Kisha!
57
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:42,935
Oh, shit, she breathed
in my face, homie.
58
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,849
I'll get the bird flu,
it's contagious...
59
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,175
She blacked out, Ray.
60
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,201
Hurry, we don't have much time!
61
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:48,970
Get us to the hospital. Hurry!
(SEATBELT WARNING BEEPING)
62
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,561
Ray? Ray?
(ACCELERATING)
63
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,615
(HORN BLARING) Oh, shit!
64
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:54,641
(SCREAMING)
(CRASHING)
65
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,287
Oh, my God!
Kisha? Kisha!
66
00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:09,801
Ray?
67
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,645
(SOBBING) Ray!
68
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,360
(SCREAMS)
69
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,575
It's a good thing I drank
that Hennessy earlier.
70
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:18,965
I can't feel shit, homie!
71
00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,455
I think Kisha's dead.
72
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,528
Good! Let's get the fuck
outta here, homie!
73
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:26,123
Listen.
We were never here.
74
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,644
I'm with you, cuz.
All right. Deuces!
75
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:31,849
We ghost hunters!
76
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:33,530
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
77
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:43,120
MALCOLM: I don't know
about this place, baby.
78
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,375
MEGAN: You've said that about
every house we looked at.
79
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,455
There's just something creepy
about this place, like...
80
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:48,640
Give me the heebie-jeebies...
81
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,768
Like somethin' bad
happened in here.
82
00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:54,402
Well, I love it.
And I love you.
83
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,895
There you go, bribin' me with vagina.
Whatever works.
84
00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,495
Know when I'm weak.
85
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,931
Disgusting.
86
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,295
Oh, it's disgusting
when we do it,
87
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,255
but when you kissing the whole
entire sophomore class,
88
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,281
it's cool, huh?
89
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,602
Give me that damn camera,
you little gnat!
90
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,215
Oh, finger.
Real creative. Wow.
91
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,321
MEGAN: Cut her some slack.
92
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,695
She's just goin'
through a phase.
93
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,529
MALCOLM: Yeah, a phase.
It's called "whore."
94
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,764
Look at that. Last a lifetime.
Malcolm, stop!
95
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:20,495
MALCOLM: No, see,
that's a phase.
96
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:21,735
MEGAN: Looks like
he met an imaginary friend.
97
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:22,807
It's normal.
98
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,535
What you doin' there, buddy?
99
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:25,925
Want to help me load some boxes?
100
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,003
Cool!
All right. My man!
101
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,735
(GRUNTING)
Sorry, Malcolm. I can't.
102
00:04:30,760 --> 00:04:31,921
MALCOLM: Why not?
103
00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,851
Tony says, "Aw, hell no!
I ain't yo' slave!"
104
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:38,975
Is it me or does his
imaginary friend sound black?
105
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,001
Pretty progressive.
106
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:41,895
MEGAN: Why don't you
and your friend go play?
107
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:42,967
Okay.
108
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,495
That game sounds like fun!
109
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:46,851
(GROANS)
MALCOLM: Oh!
110
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,966
I don't like
the tripping game, Tony.
111
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,963
Look at all that sexy.
Come here. Give me a kiss.
112
00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:57,646
Let's piss off your forefathers.
113
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,250
(CHUCKLES)
114
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,935
Malcolm, it's 2013. Interracial
relationships are not a big deal anymore.
115
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,375
Yeah, you tell that
to the sistas.
116
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:06,481
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
117
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,961
You know, they be like,
"I know he didn't!"
118
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:12,642
"He did not kiss that pasty
ass white bitch!" Pasty?
119
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,855
"Yes! Not with them
old thin ass lips."
120
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,455
"Look at them,
look like baloney slices!"
121
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:19,495
"Uh-uh.
See he straight scrippin'"
122
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,975
"and it don't make
no damn sense."
123
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,095
(DOG BARKING)
Come here, Shiloh Junior.
124
00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,246
There's my baby boy.
125
00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:24,855
MEGAN: (CHUCKLES)
I still can't believe
126
00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:26,689
you named our dog Shiloh Junior.
127
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:30,128
Well, I was gonna name him
Shiloh Two or Shiloh the Sequel,
128
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:33,767
but he wouldn't answer to
those, so, Shiloh Junior it is.
129
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:35,764
C'mon! Hey, come on,
Shiloh Junior.
130
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:37,055
Hey, babe, are you gettin' this?
131
00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:38,175
MEGAN: I really don't
understand
132
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,531
your obsession
with all these cameras.
133
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,762
Hey, you can never have
too many cameras, okay?
134
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,055
Hey, Shiloh! Come on, baby.
(DOG WHIMPERING)
135
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,889
You ready to go see
your new house, Shiloh Junior?
136
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,850
Come on, Shiloh Junior. Shiloh Junior!
Hey, get inside.
137
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,215
Don't make me put bass
in my voice.
138
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:51,969
Hey! Shiloh!
(BARKING)
139
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:53,969
God, I don't know
what's wrong with him.
140
00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:55,924
(SCREAMS)
141
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,401
Oh, fucking...
142
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,415
Oh, shit!
Oh, breathe!
143
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,727
Come on, Shiloh!
Don't go towards the light!
144
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,535
Call 9-1-1.
145
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,642
Tell 'em the dog is white!
Tell 'em the dog is white!
146
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,808
Oh, God. I got a pulse.
147
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,201
Breathe! Shiloh, like this.
(PANTING)
148
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:11,640
(STRAINING)
149
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,015
(BACK CRACKS)
150
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,646
Fuck! Oh, my back!
Oh, my fuckin' back!
151
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,245
Please, help me!
152
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:18,601
(STRAINING)
153
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:20,885
(SCREAMING)
154
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,201
My fuckin' dog is a pancake!
155
00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:25,725
(BLOWING)
156
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,330
Get me a goddamn pump!
157
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,324
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
158
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,935
It's working! Come on!
159
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,485
(CHUCKLING)
160
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:39,524
(SCREAMING)
161
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:44,208
Meet me at the hospital!
162
00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:47,490
The hospital's that way!
163
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:51,166
MALCOLM: So young, never had
a chance to lick his balls.
164
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:54,005
I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm good.
165
00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:57,050
You know, I'm just so happy
I got to spend time with...
166
00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:00,602
It's just every time I try
and say the name... (SOBS)
167
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,775
(PANTING)
168
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,564
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
169
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,602
(SOBBING) Shiloh!
170
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:14,203
Oh, God, it hurts!
Oh, God!
171
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,335
It's tingly in...
172
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:18,124
(SCREAMING) Oh, God!
173
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:24,690
I'm goin' with you! Oh, God!
It's time to go bye-bye.
174
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,963
(SCREAMING) Shiloh!
175
00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:39,122
Junior. (SPITS)
176
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:43,527
Hey.
177
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,455
I bet you could put a whole
lot of birth control in that.
178
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:46,811
I really hate you.
179
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,043
That's what your daddy said.
That's why the nigga gone.
180
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:51,735
What've you got there?
181
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,808
Just an old box
that I found in the basement.
182
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,042
Don't you think we should
return it to the prior owners?
183
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:57,495
If they wanted it,
they would've taken it
184
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,329
in the first place.
Ooh. (SIGHS)
185
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,406
Okay, look, Becky,
I'm not your dad.
186
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:06,082
I'm just the guy
that's like... Your mom.
187
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,641
So I'll make you a deal.
I'll let you keep the box
188
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:11,844
if you promise to try and make this
work between me and you, okay?
189
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,401
It's for your mom.
Fine.
190
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:18,889
I think we're gettin' somewhere.
191
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,048
(LAWNMOWER WHIRRING)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
192
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,135
I'm just messin' with you, Bro.
193
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:29,241
Oh, shit!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
194
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,895
I just do that when I'm talkin'
to Negritos. It's all good.
195
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,415
Did he just call me a nigger?
What's goin' on, Bro?
196
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,522
I just moved in with
my girl right here
197
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:36,815
and we was just wonderin'
MEGAN: Hi.
198
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:37,895
Maybe if you want
to add us to your route?
199
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:41,049
Are you serious? Dude, I live here, Puto!
It's my house!
200
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,009
Oh, shit! I'm sorry.
MEGAN: Oh, my God.
201
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,415
I just assumed... You got
the gloves and the hat,
202
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:46,885
and the lawnmower and the truck.
203
00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:50,328
Oh, 'cause I'm Mexican I must be José!
Are you?
204
00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:51,935
No, fool!
My name is Miguel!
205
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:52,961
Is that your truck?
206
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,686
Yeah, that's my truck!
MALCOLM: Then who's Jose?
207
00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:57,735
That's my middle name.
You wanna guess my last name?
208
00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:58,935
No, no, no.
Oh, come on.
209
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,255
You guys are here,
you might as well.
210
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,335
I don't know. Rodriguez?
211
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:02,415
That's racist, Bro.
212
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,044
You asked...
Did he ask me or what?
213
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,123
(LAUGHING)
I'm just fuckin' with you!
214
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:10,490
For the record, my name is
Miguel Jose Jesus Gonzalez...
215
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,161
Smith.
216
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:13,655
Wait, wait, wait.
MEGAN: What?
217
00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:15,808
Your last name is Smith?
218
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,361
Yeah, I'm Mexican
on my mom's side.
219
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,724
So, why is there
Gonzalez on your truck?
220
00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,360
Shit, would you trust your
garden to a guy named Smith?
221
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:25,855
True. True.
Huh?
222
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,723
Hey, my name is Malcolm, Bro.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
223
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,375
I bet your last name is Johnson.
224
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:30,925
See, that's some racist shit!
225
00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,924
Am I right?
But you're right!
226
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,888
Nice to meet you, man. Yeah,
it's a pleasure meeting you!
227
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,375
MEGAN: Nice to meet you. Tuesdays.
I can cut your grass on Tuesdays.
228
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,735
What can I say, I'm a
gardener by ethnic default.
229
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:42,761
(LAUGHING)
230
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,135
Be good, negrito!
231
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:46,242
(MACHINE STARTS)
Watch out, güera! (LAUGHING)
232
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:47,815
MALCOLM: Hey. What?
233
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:48,975
You gon' try
and tease a brother?
234
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,081
That's an invite?
235
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:51,241
Come here, let's do the quickie.
236
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:52,930
One, two, (GRUNTS) I'm done.
237
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:54,975
What's that?
What?
238
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,968
Oh! That's Abigail.
Ew.
239
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:58,975
I found her in the wardrobe
that was left here.
240
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,175
Yeah, well, put it back.
241
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,009
Hey, stop! She's creepy!
242
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,168
We look alike.
Yeah, same eyes and pigtails.
243
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,368
Wait, no, no,
don't put it on the bed!
244
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:08,646
(PANTING)
245
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:19,961
Hey.
246
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,451
How you doin'?
247
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,095
You ain't gonna
say nothin', huh?
248
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,521
(CHUCKLES) Girl, you stupid.
249
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,406
You don't want none of this?
Come here.
250
00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:33,767
Oh, I can't play with it
but you can.
251
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:38,404
You gonna bite my lip?
Take that!
252
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:40,575
You fuckin' like this!
253
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,375
Uh-huh. It was gonna come.
254
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,004
(CHUCKLING) It was gonna come!
255
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:45,451
(MOANING)
256
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,775
Just wanna put the tip in.
I'm gonna put the tip in...
257
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,643
Ah! Ahh! Ahh!
258
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:53,081
(GROANING)
259
00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,122
Look at that.
Mmm. Uh-huh.
260
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,050
Mmm, yeah.
261
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,489
You got that goody. Bite the
pillow, bite that fuckin' pillow.
262
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,290
(MOANING)
263
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,335
(SLURPING)
264
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:08,330
You gonna eat
my butt now. Oh, shit!
265
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:12,241
(LAUGHING) Nigga, she...
She lickin' that.
266
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:16,215
You taste like doo-doo.
But I love it!
267
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,735
You on the pill? I don't
want to get you pregnant.
268
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,055
You wanna make
little doll babies?
269
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:20,415
They gonna have my eyes
with your eyes...
270
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,335
Oh, you gonna give me splinters!
271
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:23,486
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
272
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:24,847
(GRUNTING)
273
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,415
Fuck this shit.
I wanna cry! It feels so...
274
00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:29,771
(SCREAMING)
275
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,175
(GASPING)
276
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,407
Don't look. Don't look.
Hold on a second.
277
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:40,963
This side is wet with soap,
this one is dry.
278
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:42,455
I'll clean you up, baby.
279
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:46,041
I mighta leaked in you. I don't know
if I came, I leaked a little bit.
280
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,775
That's all right.
You ain't even ovulatin'.
281
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,484
Why you trippin'?
Come on, stop worrying.
282
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,045
(SNORING)
283
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:59,202
MEGAN: Honey, we're home!
Oh, shit! You gotta go!
284
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:02,244
Shit! No!
MEGAN: Malcolm!
285
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,775
Hi, honey! Um...
286
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,200
MEGAN: Hey, where are you?
(PANTING)
287
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:08,242
You gotta go!
We... I'm just upstairs!
288
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,402
You gotta get outta here.
289
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,411
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
290
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,165
Fuck!
291
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:18,129
Ah! Shit!
292
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,161
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
293
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:26,807
Mmm.
294
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,607
"Hanging out."
295
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:35,322
Sounds a little soft
for my taste, but... Fuck it.
296
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,251
Yeah, I don't think
this is right.
297
00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:46,362
Maybe I should
download the manual.
298
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,729
(INAUDIBLE)
299
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,247
(GRUNTS)
300
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:00,367
What the...
301
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:03,966
(GROWLING)
302
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,565
Great. Get up here.
303
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,365
(STRAINING)
304
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:12,561
(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
305
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,046
(GROANS)
306
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,255
Can't breathe.
Can't breathe.
307
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:18,964
Cut the camera.
Turn the camera off.
308
00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,690
(GASPS) Wow.
309
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:26,248
I seen some shit, but that was...
That was crazy!
310
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,568
A demonic figure tried to
hang a family in the backyard.
311
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,215
I gotta keep this from
Megan and the kids.
312
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,695
Is it weird that
I was aroused by this?
313
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,695
Why is my dick
bending in my jeans?
314
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,290
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
315
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,166
Hello? Hello?
(GIRL SINGING FAINTLY)
316
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,295
Twinkle, twinkle little star
317
00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:52,482
Who is this? Hello!
318
00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,602
It's a nigger.
319
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:06,160
MALCOLM: Oh,
that's a ugly motherfucker.
320
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,124
Is that Steven Tyler?
321
00:14:09,520 --> 00:14:10,806
(SIGHS)
322
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,886
What the hell? Same tree!
323
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,445
(GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
324
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,524
Shit! Kisha?
325
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,645
(BOTH SCREAMING)
326
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:29,082
Megan, what you doing? I almost
dumped the fuck out you!
327
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:33,040
You got to holler at me!
You can't just be walkin' up.
328
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,522
You gotta give me like a "whoop-ti-whoo,"
a "kakow!" or a "tsh-tsh"!
329
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:39,055
Just make your own up.
Please announce yourself!
330
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:41,095
Honey, you look like
you've seen a ghost.
331
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:42,963
I think I did.
332
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,335
Wait. So now
I look like a ghost.
333
00:14:46,360 --> 00:14:47,805
Excuse me,
where you goin' with this?
334
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,202
So now I'm too pasty for you?
335
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,295
Malcolm, I can't do anything about that!
What do you mean?
336
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,615
Unless you want me to get
skin cancer from the sun.
337
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:57,295
And deep nasty wrinkles, and then
they'll have to give me chemo
338
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,846
and I'll lose all my hair, and then
I'll look like a nasty bald raisin!
339
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,455
Is that what you want?
Is that what you want?
340
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,051
No! I don't want you
to look like a raisin!
341
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,095
I don't like the raisin!
I don't like to date raisins!
342
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,055
I don't like the raisins
on Morgan Freeman's face!
343
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,295
I just don't like raisins.
344
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,055
I don't like the new ones
that Obama got,
345
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:12,411
the young raisins on his face!
346
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:13,975
I don't like raisins.
347
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,209
So please,
don't look like a raisin.
348
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:21,843
I need to go meditate and
get my chi back in alignment.
349
00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:24,361
What chi? You were just...
350
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,406
(SIGHS)
351
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,931
(SIGHS)
352
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:35,495
Ah! Ahh!
353
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,046
Walk to the light!
It's bedtime.
354
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,415
What you all dressed up for?
355
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:40,646
We goin' to a club?
Mmm-mmm.
356
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,175
Foam party?
No.
357
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,175
We goin' to a pajama jammy jam?
Just bed.
358
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:45,255
Come on, Megan.
359
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,089
You gotta be more comfortable
with this relationship...
360
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:50,363
You're right. Put on some
sweat pants and some...
361
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:53,683
Oh, my Jesus Lord!
Um, you're naked!
362
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:55,455
I am.
Oh, wow.
363
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:59,007
I like being naked, though.
I could be naked all day.
364
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,209
All day? But come on,
that's not practical, hon.
365
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:03,535
You got a job.
366
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,564
You don't wanna be on the bus
naked or in Starbucks naked.
367
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,207
Why not? 'Cause that coffee
spill on you, it's hot!
368
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,735
It's gonna leave a scar.
369
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:11,935
Melt one of your
nipples off or somethin'.
370
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:12,961
Hey, hey, hey.
371
00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,566
The camera's on, baby.
372
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,566
Good. Just make sure
you film my good side.
373
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,884
What the fuck?
Are you serious?
374
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:26,243
We gonna get all angles
on that... Oh, shit.
375
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,563
Baby, your creepy doll
is makin' my dick scared.
376
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:31,255
Just let her watch.
377
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:34,250
You just said the right
type of nasty shit!
378
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,805
(TAPE FAST FORWARDING)
379
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:41,244
(PANTING) Oh, God!
I gotta replenish my fluids.
380
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,922
After round two.
381
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:47,445
(TAPE FAST FORWARDING)
382
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,575
(PANTING) Whoo! Ah! Whoo!
383
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,080
That was wild.
MEGAN: Come on, Malcolm.
384
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,442
(PANTING) What,
aren't you done yet?
385
00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:58,290
(MEGAN MOANING)
386
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:04,295
I am now. Ready for round three?
Seriously...
387
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:05,810
(TAPE FAST FORWARDING)
388
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:09,175
(PANTING)
389
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,255
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
390
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,415
Oh, my God!
391
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:13,283
Baby, you gotta train
for some shit like this!
392
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:14,975
Come on, Malcolm,
bell's ringing.
393
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,126
Time for round four.
394
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,965
No, no, baby. My ding-ding
is knocked out cold.
395
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,175
I can't do it.
396
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:21,415
Corner's throwin' in the towel!
397
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,441
Let's go, Malcolm.
398
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,295
I gotta get some Enswell
if we keep goin'!
399
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:25,695
Malcolm.
Wait, no, baby!
400
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:26,721
(SCREAMING)
401
00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,655
Right now she is tearin' me up!
402
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:32,284
(MEGAN MOANING) Oh, my God!
403
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:34,810
Aw!
404
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,081
Want me to choke you?
(CHOKING)
405
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,486
Is that what you like?
Huh? Huh?
406
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,324
Stop being a bitch!
(GROANS)
407
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:40,775
Yeah! Come on!
408
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,962
Oh! You want some of this?
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
409
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:45,322
You like that?
It's kind of like a blindfold
410
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,975
except you can't fuckin' breathe!
Huh? Are you crying?
411
00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,490
That thing just moved!
412
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,535
MEGAN: Except you can't
fuckin' breathe!
413
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,483
Thing was watching!
414
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:58,008
You little...
Who was watching?
415
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,162
Oh, baby, come here.
Check this out!
416
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,489
Oh, my God!
417
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:03,775
Did you see it?
418
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,135
How could I not?
I thought I was trippin'!
419
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,255
I am so fat!
Look at me!
420
00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,169
I look like a huge blubber ass!
421
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:11,895
I'm like Miss Piggy in there!
422
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:13,160
What're you talking about?
423
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:14,975
You said you were gonna
shoot my good side.
424
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,335
I did shoot your good side.
425
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,895
Look, I got all that
ass up in...
426
00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:19,206
Look at all that ass, girl.
427
00:18:19,360 --> 00:18:21,335
I'm black, brothers like an ass.
428
00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:24,364
You know I do mean that
as a compliment, right?
429
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,335
I see what's going on.
430
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,655
You hate my vagina!
You think it's too loose!
431
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:30,335
It's not!
It's only on the outside,
432
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:32,415
but once you choose a wall,
it's pretty damn tight.
433
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,375
You know what, Malcolm,
I have had two kids!
434
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,335
I mean, do you think
the stork just dropped 'em off
435
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:37,361
on the doorstep?
436
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:40,335
No! You're knocked
up for nine months
437
00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:42,335
and then your lady parts
are stretched to limits
438
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,647
you cannot even fathom!
439
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,280
Okay, baby.
I think your vagina's cute.
440
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,211
Erase the tape or we are
never having sex again.
441
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,408
Well, since you put it that way.
Erase the tape!
442
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,600
Okay, I'm erasin' the tape!
I want to see you do it.
443
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,087
I'm erasing the tape. I'm erasing it.
Erase it right now! Do it!
444
00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:00,735
It's erasing. Baby, I like the
way it sounds. Erase the tape!
445
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:02,895
It's not loose!
I like the way it sounds!
446
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,285
Sound like a blown speaker.
Just...
447
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:05,886
(BLOWING RASPBERRY)
448
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,560
You know, it's kinda like
Doug E. Fresh's beatbox.
449
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,769
When I'm hittin' it.
It's just... (BEAT BOXING)
450
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:17,535
Mmm...
(MESSAGE DINGS)
451
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,246
Who the hell's hittin' me?
Abigail? (GASPS)
452
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:22,815
You got a page?
453
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,810
"In a relationship
with Malcolm Johnson"?
454
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,403
I only hit it once! 27,000 views?
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
455
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,495
What in the hell?
456
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:32,575
(GASPS)
457
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:34,762
I think I might've
fucked the wrong bitch.
458
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,448
Now she's blowin' up
my cell phone? Look at that.
459
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:42,207
Straight up stalker!
She's crazy!
460
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,768
Listen, it's time to turn
my camera game up a level.
461
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:49,124
I'm talkin' bathrooms,
countertops, computers,
462
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:52,095
stuffed animals,
mouths and asses!
463
00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:55,408
It's goin' down everywhere!
I'm gonna live.
464
00:19:56,280 --> 00:20:00,444
Kitchen? Oh, yeah, I see you.
465
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,801
Uh-huh. Perfect.
Yeah, and I got the ass, too.
466
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,775
All inconspicuous.
467
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:07,801
(CHUCKLES)
468
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:11,327
Told you, cameras everywhere.
469
00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:14,495
Hey, Becky,
wanna play Hide and Clap?
470
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:15,806
BECKY: Fuck off!
471
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,531
That's, "No, thank you."
472
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,975
Let's do this.
Oh, lady's blindfold.
473
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,640
You got this out
your momma's room, right?
474
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,331
Oh, boy. Things me
and your momma do with this!
475
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:29,327
Sometimes she ties my hands and flip
me over and toss that... Salad.
476
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,482
Tony likes salad.
Anyway.
477
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,802
I'll put this on.
Let's do it!
478
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:38,131
One, two, three.
First clap!
479
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:39,241
(CLAPPING)
480
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:42,484
Come on. Give me a clap.
481
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:43,841
Okay.
482
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,484
Yeah, I'm gettin' close.
I smell you. I smell you.
483
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:51,685
You smell like kids, like worms,
coins and doo-doo. Like...
484
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,330
(SCREAMING) Shit!
485
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,121
(COUGHING)
486
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,764
Can we just play Tag next time?
I just wanna play Tag.
487
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,969
Wyatt? Wyatt?
488
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,207
Where you at, you little shit?
489
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,371
(CREAKING)
490
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:13,362
Third clap.
491
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,201
A-ha!
492
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:18,606
(LAUGHS)
493
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,680
I got you, Wyatt.
494
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:23,041
(WYATT CHUCKLING)
495
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,528
I win!
You took your blindfold off.
496
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,882
You're right, Tony.
Malcolm is an idiot.
497
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,202
Take your camera, loser.
498
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,200
Yeah, I wanna learn
how to start a fire.
499
00:21:36,360 --> 00:21:39,728
What the hell was that?
500
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,406
I coulda swore...
501
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:47,891
Shit!
502
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,242
Fucked you up!
503
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:55,404
Fuck, are you crazy?
You know who the fuck I is?
504
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,403
MEGAN: Malcolm!
Baby?
505
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:58,815
Oh, my God!
506
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,015
You can't be jumpin' out
on brothers like that.
507
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,724
You'll get knocked
the fuck out every time.
508
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,571
It was supposed to be a joke!
You okay?
509
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,255
'Cause I fucked you up!
510
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,487
Like, I hit you with the force,
like with the follow-through.
511
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:12,331
I wanna instant replay
that shit. Damn!
512
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,403
'Cause you got froze.
You went...
513
00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:25,048
"Please help me."
514
00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,568
God, I hope this works.
515
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,124
What is that thing?
516
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,124
That is not human.
517
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:50,805
That was weird.
518
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:18,886
(WHISTLING)
519
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:24,881
A-ha!
520
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:26,135
I caught your ass!
521
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,650
No, you didn't.
522
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,490
Oh, shit!
523
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:45,695
MALE VOICE: Becky...
It's your box.
524
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:47,006
What?
525
00:23:47,360 --> 00:23:51,001
I want you to touch me.
526
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:52,846
Mmm.
527
00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:56,362
Okay.
528
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,285
Not that box.
529
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:10,682
You know I love you and
those kids, right? Yeah.
530
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,015
And I'm gonna do everything in my
power to keep you guys protected.
531
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,326
Yeah.
532
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,088
What was that?
What?
533
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:20,361
(CREAKING)
534
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,564
That!
The wind?
535
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:27,281
Nigga, the windows
are closed! Okay?
536
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:29,562
I'm tellin' you, that was
either a ghost or a demon.
537
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,768
Or maybe it was a demon
pregnant with a ghost.
538
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,402
Oh, this is cute!
539
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:39,806
I will so wear this,
all day, every day.
540
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,335
(GASPS) What if it's a burglar?
541
00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:44,931
Why the fuck are you excited?
It's a burglar!
542
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,055
Either way it goes,
it's some scary shit!
543
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,003
Okay,
not all burglars are scary.
544
00:24:49,120 --> 00:24:51,566
It is a burglar or a ghost! If
you talk to him, he'll leave.
545
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,375
You shoot it in the face! If
you talk to him, he'll leave.
546
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,895
And if the motherfucker's foot do this,
you shoot him in the face again!
547
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,605
That is way too harsh.
What're you gonna do?
548
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,081
I know what I'm gonna do.
What're you gonna do?
549
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:03,401
Shoot him.
550
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:05,727
You are not allowed to shoot
anyone in the face, mister!
551
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:17,726
Becky?
552
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,125
What in the...
Becky! Oh, God!
553
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:24,165
Becky! Becky!
554
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,529
Megan!
Oh, my God!
555
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,365
Get me somethin',
Megan! Becky!
556
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:35,404
(VACUUM WHIRRING)
557
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:36,935
(SLURPING SOUND)
558
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,804
That shit's gross. That
fuckin' sound, it bothers me.
559
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,166
Gimme!
560
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,366
(GRUNTING)
561
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:48,281
Oh!
562
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:50,211
That's all I got!
Okay, gimme!
563
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,490
Get that thing outta here!
I got an idea!
564
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:01,804
Come on! Bitch,
why ain't you movin'? Fuck!
565
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,645
See, now this is a good idea.
566
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,802
All right.
Goodnight, Becky.
567
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,880
MEGAN: Night, sweetheart.
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
568
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:17,775
MALCOLM: Hey, buddy,
what you doin'?
569
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,325
Havin' a tea party.
Oh.
570
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,135
You wanna go outside and do somethin'
a little bit more masculine?
571
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,926
Like play some football?
No, not really.
572
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,162
Hey, don't sit there!
That's Tony's seat!
573
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,050
MALCOLM: Oh, sorry.
574
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,168
My bad, Tony.
575
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:39,009
Tony says, "No problem,
bee-yotch." Want some tea?
576
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,204
Uh... Yeah. Sure.
577
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:47,367
Um, you know, Wyatt,
about your little buddy, Tony.
578
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:52,209
I don't think he's such a good
influence on you, know what I mean?
579
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:58,810
What the... That's straight vodka!
Tony calls it tea.
580
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,407
He drinks a lot of tea.
581
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,280
I really think you guys
need to stop this friendship.
582
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,415
Tony doesn't think
that's such a good idea.
583
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,695
You know what, you tell Tony
584
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:13,725
that I said you and him ain't gonna
be friends no more, and that's final!
585
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,091
(SHRIEKS)
586
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,647
On second thought, you and Tony
have a beautiful friendship.
587
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,407
Okay, I'll be downstairs doin' somethin'
with less spooky shit. (SCREAMS)
588
00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:27,084
This isn't good.
It's happening again.
589
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,882
It's really fuckin' happening.
590
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:31,401
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
591
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,324
MALCOLM: What the fuck?
592
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:36,684
Who is it?
593
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,685
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
(SCREAMS)
594
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:46,571
Hello?
595
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:50,967
That's a spooky knock.
596
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,364
Oh, you better run!
597
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,655
Knock on my door, come out there
and slap you... (POUNDING ON DOOR)
598
00:27:56,680 --> 00:27:57,735
(SCREAMS)
599
00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,364
What the fuck!
600
00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:01,524
I got a knife!
601
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:05,601
(YELLS)
602
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:11,285
What the...
603
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:17,089
"Miss me?" Abigail!
604
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,687
Oh, hell no!
Look, we gotta talk.
605
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,287
This is a mistake, okay? This shit
gotta stop. It's gone too far.
606
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:31,884
You see this? "Miss me?" In the house
with Megan, are you fuckin' crazy?
607
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,931
I take full responsibility,
all right? This is my bad.
608
00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:38,811
I don't mean to sound clichéd.
It's not you, it's me.
609
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:40,775
Don't play fuckin'
innocent with me,
610
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:42,086
you knew I had a girl!
611
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,015
I'm just being
selfish right now.
612
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,455
I would love to have you
and Megan and...
613
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:48,455
To be honest with you,
my stuffed animals.
614
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:49,970
I'd like to bring them
in the mix.
615
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:51,735
I'm tryin' to make this work.
616
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,649
You're just not makin' it easy.
617
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,975
I swear to... Ah! Fuck!
618
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:58,331
(SCREAMING)
619
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,085
You see what you made me do?
Only you do this to me!
620
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:06,165
Fuckin' crazy! Oh, you lucky my
momma told me don't hit bitches!
621
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:09,935
Fuckin' yeah, bitch.
622
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:11,450
(SOBBING)
623
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:14,011
True enough. (LAUGHING)
624
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:19,527
Fuck, you scare my... I didn't touch you!
I didn't touch you!
625
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:23,003
You get outta my life, I'll
get outta yours. I'm done.
626
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:25,081
(SCREAMING)
627
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:30,682
Make no mistake.
628
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:33,730
After this, it's over.
629
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,360
You ready to go again? Yeah.
630
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:43,855
Hello, Malcolm?
631
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,015
Hey, hey, Professor Wilde,
how you doing?
632
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:47,565
Malcolm, I'm glad
you reached out.
633
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:49,080
What exactly
am I dealing with here?
634
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,815
Well, the being
you described to me
635
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:53,046
is a demon.
636
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,535
MALCOLM: Fuck, I knew it!
637
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,135
A rare and obscure one
638
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,925
from Babylonian times
named Aghoul.
639
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:01,045
And he's a trickster!
640
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,204
And chances are this is not your
first encounter with this demon.
641
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,244
Have you had paranormal
experiences in your past?
642
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:09,402
Actually, yeah.
About a year ago.
643
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,843
This is way worse
than I had thought...
644
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:14,495
(LOUD FARTING)
(TOILET FLUSHES)
645
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,966
Oh, shit!
Oh, fuck!
646
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:18,081
(FARTING) Ah!
647
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:21,241
Nigga, I thought somebody was shootin'!
Thai food!
648
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:24,404
It's spicy going in, but it's
twice as spicy going out!
649
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:26,375
That's scientifically
impossible!
650
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,449
I smell you in here!
What in the hell?
651
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:31,365
Ah, excuse me.
(TOILET FLUSHES)
652
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:32,921
(GRUNTS)
653
00:30:34,760 --> 00:30:36,655
I hire based on skill level.
654
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:37,920
Are those titties?
655
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:39,255
Ladies, remember,
656
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,089
we're making meth,
not baby aspirin.
657
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,767
All the stories revolve around
Aghoul's attempts
658
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,764
to trick people into
bringing him into our world
659
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,375
and it can come through
the form of a possession,
660
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,255
a spirit that
only a child can see
661
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:56,365
or an ancient object that
lures in the impressionable.
662
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:59,215
So what you're saying is, something
is coming after me and my family.
663
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:00,605
Malcolm, that's exactly
what I'm saying.
664
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:02,962
Damn it, Jessica, you've got
your tit in the pseudoephedrine!
665
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:04,655
Sorry, Malcolm.
I wish you good luck.
666
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,170
Gotta get my Breaking Bad on.
667
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,965
AGHOUL: (LAUGHS)
Tonight you drown.
668
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:23,171
(LAUGHS)
669
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:25,485
Not again.
670
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:32,169
Sink. Sink. Sink.
671
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:33,895
(EXHALES)
672
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:36,161
Ruined a perfectly good
leather jacket!
673
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:40,006
That's it. (LAUGHING)
Now we drown. Drown!
674
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:41,286
Drown!
675
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:43,975
(LAUGHING)
676
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:46,002
Prepare to meet Hell.
(GRUNTS)
677
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:48,644
Ow! God, that hurt!
678
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,161
Ow!
Oh!
679
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,006
My balls.
This isn't over!
680
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,375
MALCOLM: Is Aghoul the same demon
681
00:31:58,400 --> 00:31:59,606
that possessed Kisha?
682
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:01,495
(EXHALES)
683
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,842
When are the Republicans
gonna slip
684
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,321
and call Obama the N-word?
685
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:11,530
When are they gonna stop makin'
Scary Movies without the Wayans?
686
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:13,490
They fuckin' suck! (CLATTER)
687
00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:23,842
MALCOLM: What the hell?
688
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,051
(MALCOLM GASPS)
689
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:33,280
What the heck...
690
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,364
(SCREAMING)
691
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,685
Steroids, bitch!
692
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:48,884
(GRUNTING) AGGRESSIVELY)
693
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:50,731
(SCREAMING)
694
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,561
(WHIRRING)
(SCREAMING)
695
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,241
You messed with
the wrong nigga today!
696
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:02,643
(ALL SCREAMING)
MEGAN: Oh, my God!
697
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,321
Baby, put it down!
What are you doing?
698
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,081
I come in the hallway,
this fuckin' creepy box
699
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,242
with some weird
fuckin' lighting on it!
700
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:15,928
And I knew that it was death in the box!
Sol killed it!
701
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:17,535
Baby, it was a gift!
702
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,369
But it ain't Christmas.
703
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,241
MEGAN: Baby, no.
Kwanzaa?
704
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,295
You were so upset
when Shiloh Junior died
705
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:27,891
that the kids and I thought
we would get you...
706
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:32,160
(GROANS)
707
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:33,735
BECKY: Don't look. Don't look.
708
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,684
Oh, my God! Wyatt,
go upstairs. Go to your room!
709
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:38,895
I killed a baby.
710
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:40,575
(SNIFFLES) Oh, God,
I think it's still breathing.
711
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,935
You're so fucking crazy.
712
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:44,121
He's still breathing.
713
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,055
I gotta take him
out of his misery.
714
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:47,605
I gotta kill him!
MEGAN: Oh, my God!
715
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,528
No! Malcolm!
(BECKY SCREAMING)
716
00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:54,810
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
717
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:00,644
Becky?
718
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,281
Yoo-hoo.
719
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,644
All right, let's see
what's in this box now.
720
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:06,847
Yeah.
721
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:10,568
(SNIFFS) Oh, God! Whoo!
722
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:12,935
Wow! That is rancid.
723
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,775
What the hell are you doing?
Nothing. Just, uh...
724
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:17,882
You know your pillows
have blue faces on 'em?
725
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,041
Stay away from my box!
726
00:34:19,160 --> 00:34:20,924
Calm down!
Would you calm down?
727
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,520
I don't wanna calm down, I want
you to stay away from my box!
728
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:27,122
Do you have to say "box" so loud?
What is going on in here?
729
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:28,845
Nothing.
We just, uh, playin'.
730
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:30,803
Dolls 'n stuff. (INHALES)
731
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,401
Malcolm came into my room
and touched my box.
732
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:35,575
Malcolm, is this true?
733
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:37,728
Yes, but I only touched it
for like two seconds.
734
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,161
It was stinking!
Like, it was rancid!
735
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,055
Here, smell this. I don't know
how she play with that!
736
00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:46,084
He had two fingers
in my tight little box, Mom.
737
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,055
Stop lyin'.
It is... (SCOFFS)
738
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:50,481
Baby, there's nothin'
tight about her box.
739
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:53,365
It's fuckin' huge! I could
put my whole fist in it.
740
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,689
Like, I almost was up to here for a second.
It's crazy big.
741
00:34:56,800 --> 00:35:00,088
You said, "No means no!" And that is
exactly what I said. I said, "No!"
742
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:01,201
I did.
Whoa.
743
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,527
Time the fuck out. Hold up.
(SOBBING)
744
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:07,010
She's trying to
Dateline Special a nigga!
745
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,208
Where's Chris Hansen?
Chris! Chris!
746
00:35:09,360 --> 00:35:11,203
Chris, come on, I know you
out here somewhere!
747
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:13,931
I know he's in here somewhere.
You tryin' to set a nigga up!
748
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:15,889
Can I talk to you for a second?
Right now.
749
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:17,055
There's something really strange
750
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:18,081
goin' on in this house.
751
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:20,362
Wyatt? Wyatt, see,
Wyatt used to be my boy.
752
00:35:20,720 --> 00:35:23,371
Like that was my lil' nigga,
like we was like, boom, boom.
753
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:26,127
When my dog died,
that lil' nigga held me down!
754
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,886
But lately, he hasn't even talked to me!
Like, he won't even play with me!
755
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:30,535
His little imaginary friend,
Tony?
756
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:32,015
I don't think he's really...
757
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:33,041
(WYATT LAUGHING)
758
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,724
WYATT: You're crazy, Tony.
...imaginary.
759
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,015
Did you see that shit?
760
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:40,042
Look! You missed it!
761
00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:42,846
Okay, look, forget him. Becky.
762
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:46,322
There's something in that old box she
carries around that's making her go crazy!
763
00:35:46,480 --> 00:35:48,335
She sleeps with it,
she eats with it,
764
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:49,885
she even goes
to the bathroom with it!
765
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:53,721
Who takes a shit with a box in their hand?
It's fuckin' weird!
766
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:57,481
And by "weird" you mean
I'm a terrible mother.
767
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:00,775
What? No. Wait. Where did you go?
Hold on. Hold on a minute.
768
00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:02,928
If you were just
a little bit less judgmental,
769
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,811
she wouldn't feel like she needs to
carry her pain around in a "box"!
770
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:09,089
This is not about me! It is
always about you, Malcolm!
771
00:36:09,240 --> 00:36:11,575
"You're too fat,
you're a terrible parent,"
772
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:13,329
"you like black guys 'cause
they have bigger cocks!"
773
00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:16,762
That sounds like you!
Do you see this?
774
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:21,323
That's not fuckin' normal! Okay, she
is just trying to get attention!
775
00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:25,451
When she was a baby, she would cry and
cry and cry all damn day in her crib
776
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,764
until finally she realized I
wasn't gonna come and pick her up!
777
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:32,208
If you were a parent you'd know it's
called the "cry it out method," Malcolm!
778
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:34,442
Just pick the little bitch up!
779
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:38,128
She needs to learn to self-soothe.
See what I'm saying?
780
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:42,808
That is called parenting.
Wow! Mother of the year.
781
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:44,291
MEGAN: Thank you.
782
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:48,015
MALCOLM: (PANTING)
That crazy doll keyed my car!
783
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:51,295
(LAUGHING) Whoo! Bro,
somebody fucked your car up!
784
00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:53,368
Yeah. You wouldn't know anybody
with an auto body shop, would you?
785
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:54,615
Are you serious, Bro?
786
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,610
Why, contrary to popular belief, all
Mexicans don't have body shops, man.
787
00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:59,175
What, you think
we all have low riders
788
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:00,495
with a bunch
of primer all over it
789
00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:01,575
with a frickin' Mexican horn?
790
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:02,855
You think I have like six kids
791
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:04,006
and all my relatives
livin' there, huh?
792
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:05,735
Probably chase Chihuahuas
and make burritos,
793
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:06,775
is that what you think?
Dude...
794
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,295
Look at the neighborhood, man!
795
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:09,401
I didn't think any of that!
796
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:10,970
I just want my
fuckin' car fixed!
797
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,447
(LAUGHING) I'm just
fuckin' with you, Bro!
798
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,775
You're so easy, man.
Oh, shit.
799
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,455
Man, I got a cousin, his name is
Chucho, he can hook all that shit up.
800
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:20,055
Stop fuckin' with
the crazy bitches, man.
801
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,295
I gotta go, I got the family waiting.
All right? Be good, man!
802
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,482
MALCOLM: (GASPS)
Where did she go?
803
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:25,895
(HORN HONKING)
804
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,321
Take it easy, vato!
MALCOLM: Where you goin'?
805
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:30,975
Goin' to the swap meet. We're
gonna get some Chihuahuas.
806
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,889
MALCOLM: Wow.
Now that's racist!
807
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,975
MEGAN: So I moved into
the house across the street
808
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:38,161
and I just love it.
809
00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:41,170
The streets are so quiet.
It's perfect for a haunting.
810
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:42,765
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
811
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:46,535
You know something,
I never got your name.
812
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,815
Kisha? What in the fuck!
813
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,844
You two know each other?
Oh. Well, yeah.
814
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:58,046
You know the boyfriend that I told you
abandoned me and left me in a ditch to die?
815
00:37:58,200 --> 00:37:59,804
That's him.
(MALCOLM LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)
816
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:04,364
Awkward!
Yeah!
817
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,205
I think I'll let you two
have at it.
818
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:10,364
And thank you so much, Megan,
for the coffee, really.
819
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:14,095
And, Malcolm,
it was great seeing you.
820
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:15,215
(MALCOLM GASPS)
821
00:38:15,240 --> 00:38:17,368
See you around, Malcolm.
822
00:38:17,720 --> 00:38:18,881
Um...
823
00:38:19,720 --> 00:38:21,529
(DOOR CLOSES) Really?
824
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:24,407
How come you never
told me about her?
825
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:27,247
Well, it was just a time in my
life I just wanted to forget.
826
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,244
Okay, well you need to start remembering.
She was fucking beautiful!
827
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:33,404
She was aight.
"Aight"?
828
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:36,245
I mean, she got nice legs.
Legs.
829
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:40,928
Little ass, but...
Ass. How 'bout all this?
830
00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:44,402
It's fuckable. Okay? But that's the...
It's all this...
831
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:48,087
She's crazy! She was crazy,
baby, like she was possessed!
832
00:38:48,240 --> 00:38:51,244
You mean she was possessive.
No, the bitch was possessed.
833
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:53,055
What?
Yes!
834
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:54,764
First of all,
she was verbally abusive.
835
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:56,775
MALCOLM: Hey, baby,
what's for dinner?
836
00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:59,371
(IN DEMONIC VOICE) Eat your
mother's pussy you fucking fuck!
837
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:00,735
(GROWLS)
MALCOLM: Okay.
838
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:01,807
(SIGHS)
839
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:04,175
I don't know.
It was like she gave up.
840
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,575
Eventually I was able to
drag her to couples' therapy.
841
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:08,575
Well, Dr. Rousch,
me and my girlfriend,
842
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:10,895
we're kinda goin' through
a little rough patch.
843
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:12,763
I mean, she won't
communicate with me.
844
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,455
No matter what I do,
she just sits there.
845
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:16,766
(GROWLING)
846
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:20,288
Okay, and she'll growl a little bit.
Yes, I can hear that.
847
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:24,490
And the smallest things just set her off.
Like crucifixes, or questions.
848
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:26,563
Is that right, Kisha?
849
00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:29,088
(GROWLS)
(SCREAMS)
850
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:31,810
You got a prescription
for "crazy bitch"?
851
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:34,446
Malcolm, I'm so sorry.
852
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:39,123
It sounds horrible.
Well, it wasn't all bad.
853
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:43,535
Wait, I'm gonna come.
Shut up, you sound like a bitch!
854
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:44,971
Oh!
(GROWLING)
855
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,535
I think you just
knocked out a tooth!
856
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:49,369
(GROWLING)
857
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:51,960
Whose ass is this, huh?
Whose ass is this?
858
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:54,162
The Devil's!
(LAUGHS)
859
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:58,322
See, now you just made it weird.
860
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,324
Look at me, God damn it!
861
00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,130
(GROANING)
862
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:07,004
Oh, my God, that was awesome!
863
00:40:08,320 --> 00:40:11,642
Baby, you're makin'
my toes do this.
864
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,002
You're makin' my toes do this.
865
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:15,495
Really, Malcolm?
866
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,524
You know what they say
about the crazy ones.
867
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:21,411
What? Too soon?
(SIGHS)
868
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:29,815
There's something
goin' on with this box.
869
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,002
I'm gonna get
to the bottom of this.
870
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,685
What the heck
is this little pervert doing?
871
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,001
(SNIFFS)
MALCOLM: Ah!
872
00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:41,040
Oh, dude, that is just weird!
873
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:42,735
(FARTING)
874
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:44,285
Oh, really? (CHUCKLES)
875
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:46,927
Oh, wow.
876
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,681
What kind of sweet
tooth fairy is this?
877
00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:53,361
This nigga need a daddy.
WYATT: "Dear Diary."
878
00:40:53,520 --> 00:40:55,887
"I lost my virginity
to Joey today."
879
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:58,202
"Actually,
that's not totally true."
880
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:03,207
"I mean, I've only
had sex with 17 guys"
881
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,735
"but only in the butt,
so it doesn't count."
882
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,250
(VOCALIZING)
883
00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:10,166
"I mean, I've sucked
a lot of dicks, Diary."
884
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:13,045
"I stopped counting after the
blowjob party at Ashley's house."
885
00:41:13,240 --> 00:41:15,163
"There must've been
30 or 40 guys there."
886
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:18,529
She ain't got no bone in her neck.
She got that Plastic Man.
887
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:22,406
"PS: Diary, I'll never
stop sucking dicks. Ever!"
888
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:23,687
Wow.
889
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:27,535
MALCOLM: Oh,
would you look there?
890
00:41:27,560 --> 00:41:29,722
A mood ring.
So, what mood is that?
891
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:31,684
It's called,
"You're not my father."
892
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:33,520
Oh, yeah, that's bitchy
lil' white teenager.
893
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:36,564
See, that'll get you slapped
in most black neighborhoods.
894
00:41:36,760 --> 00:41:38,091
(RETCHING)
895
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:42,602
Are you okay?
896
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:45,649
Becky? Hey.
897
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:47,495
MALCOLM: Ouch!
898
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:48,851
(GAGGING)
899
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:51,604
(SPITS) Ugh.
900
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:55,444
That is some serious meat-mouth
you got goin' on there.
901
00:41:55,600 --> 00:42:00,288
It's easier going down than it
is coming up. Yeah, it's weird.
902
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,602
Breath smell like sirloin.
903
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,445
I hope that hole cold
ain't contagious.
904
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:08,975
(RETCHING)
905
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,095
PROFESSOR: Malcolm!
906
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:11,935
Professor,
it's kinda loud there. Um...
907
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,564
Did I catch you at a bad time?
908
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:15,326
(COUGHING)
909
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,569
Indica? I'm a sativa man.
I got important shit to do!
910
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:21,491
Hold on! I'm at a party.
911
00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:23,444
I need some of my medicine.
912
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:25,175
(SNIFFS)
913
00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:26,690
(LAUGHING)
914
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:29,889
Professor! How do I
get rid of the demon?
915
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:31,201
(MUFFLED LAUGHING)
916
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,323
Professor! Professor!
917
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,130
Malcolm, that demon's
tryin' to get to you
918
00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:37,322
through your family
and he's not gonna stop!
919
00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:38,935
You've got the
paranormal equivalent of
920
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:40,041
a perfect storm, my friend!
921
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:41,161
(SIREN WAILING)
922
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:42,810
Oh, Shit! The po-po!
923
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:44,605
Professor, please!
What's goin' on?
924
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,095
I got 12 ounces of crystal meth
925
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:47,455
jammed up my anus.
I gotta get outta here!
926
00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:49,562
Police!
Oh, fuck!
927
00:42:49,720 --> 00:42:51,768
Professor! Professor, please!
928
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,645
Hands up now!
I can't go back in!
929
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,525
Professor! How do I
get rid of the demon?
930
00:42:57,640 --> 00:42:59,055
(SIREN WAILING)
(STRAINING)
931
00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:00,081
Oh, fuck.
932
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:03,650
You're under arrest!
You on the screen, freeze!
933
00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:09,640
MALCOLM: Hey, knothead!
934
00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:13,361
Oh, no, not my favorite shirt.
That bitch.
935
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:15,170
What the...
936
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:19,209
Oh, my God!
Are you fucking kidding me?
937
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:21,601
No, no, no!
Not my clothes! No!
938
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:23,201
Phew.
939
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:25,205
(SCREAMING)
940
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,175
Oh! Shit!
941
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:31,522
This crazy wooden bitch!
She's burning my clothes!
942
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:34,923
Oh, my God!
It's Fatal Attraction.
943
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:37,965
She's gonna boil a rabbit!
She's gonna boil a rabbit!
944
00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:39,961
(SIGHING)
945
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,202
Can I get you something to drink?
Sure, man.
946
00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:43,646
Tequila?
Really, Bro?
947
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:45,335
What, you bring
the Mexican into your house
948
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,727
and, "He must want tequila,
we should give him tequila."
949
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:51,566
"I'm glad he parked his burro so now I
can offer him some of his beverage."
950
00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:53,255
I bet you this shit
has a worm in it, too, huh?
951
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:55,855
I should've walked in here with a serape
and a sombrero for you, too, huh?
952
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:57,495
That's what you wanted
really, wasn't it?
953
00:43:57,520 --> 00:43:58,726
You get me all worked up, man!
954
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:01,724
Look, I could use a drink now.
955
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:03,855
What kind of tequila is it?
Is it silver?
956
00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:06,041
'Cause I can't drink that
gold shit. That's for cholos.
957
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,722
Thank you, man. It's nice, man.
We're becomin' friends, right?
958
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:10,609
Uh, now we are.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
959
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:13,335
I could trust you
with things, right?
960
00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:14,640
I mean,
I can keep a secret, man.
961
00:44:14,720 --> 00:44:16,895
I'm good at that shit.
The neighbors next door to me
962
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:18,570
don't even know there's
a black guy living here yet.
963
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:21,375
So, what do you wanna talk about?
Um...
964
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,295
Okay, you know the people that
lived in this house before me?
965
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:25,375
Mmm-hmm.
966
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:29,246
Was there anything strange goin' on,
like were they actin' weird or anything?
967
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:32,927
You saw something a little...
968
00:44:33,240 --> 00:44:36,961
Spooky or supernatural?
I seen some shit.
969
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:39,055
Come on, man, you don't
believe in that, do you?
970
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:40,695
'Cause if you did, you know,
you'd have been like,
971
00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:42,609
"Nigger, I'm out!
The deuces."
972
00:44:42,720 --> 00:44:44,768
You mean to tell me you don't
believe in the paranormal?
973
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:47,924
Of course I believe in that shit!
I'm half Mexican, Bro!
974
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:50,328
I believe in all that shit
people don't believe in.
975
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:56,283
Freakin' La Llorona, El Cucuy,
Chupacabra, Bigfoot, Obamacare.
976
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:58,044
Interracial dating.
Nuclear war.
977
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:02,928
You name it, I'm all for it. Me personally,
I wouldn't stay one night in this house.
978
00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:06,448
Shit! Look, I'm gonna be
honest with you, Bro.
979
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:09,803
When I first found out that there was a
black guy movin' in the neighborhood,
980
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:11,175
I was like, (INHALES)
981
00:45:11,200 --> 00:45:12,804
"There goes
the property value."
982
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:15,964
"I'm gonna have to keep the kids
inside, there's gonna be gangs,"
983
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:19,124
"I'm gonna have to cover up graffiti,"
but you turned out to be okay.
984
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:23,405
You're really cool! You're very
accommodating. I think I can help you.
985
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:24,607
Really?
986
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:25,855
(CLUCKING)
987
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:27,848
I need you to
cut the chicken's neck.
988
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:31,322
Oh, hell fuckin' no! You wanna
get rid of the demon or not?
989
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,480
I know, but can't we just go down to the
store and just like, buy a chicken?
990
00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:37,604
No, man!
You need a blood sacrifice.
991
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:40,331
Right. Come here.
Let's do it.
992
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:42,642
Hold on! Hold up, wait a second!
Let me get my shit together.
993
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:46,481
You gonna shit in my
baby's cereal, chicken?
994
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:50,162
You wanna piss on my momma?
In her face?
995
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:52,011
(GRUNTING)
996
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:53,521
(SCREAMS)
997
00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:54,895
MALCOLM: I'll fuck...
Don't you...
998
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:56,001
(CLUCKING)
999
00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,727
Where did you get this chicken?
Your uncle's farm?
1000
00:45:59,880 --> 00:46:01,769
No! A cock fighting ring.
1001
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:03,135
That's a dead motherfucker.
1002
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:04,161
(CLUCKING)
1003
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:08,205
(GRUNTING)
1004
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:11,725
(SCREAMING)
1005
00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:14,855
Whassup, chicken?
You scared? Whassup?
1006
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,015
You don't want none of this,
motherfucker!
1007
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:18,175
(CLUCKING)
1008
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:19,929
MIGUEL: Oh, shit!
(SCREAMING)
1009
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:22,727
MIGUEL: Bite him back, Malcolm!
Bite him back!
1010
00:46:23,720 --> 00:46:25,848
(SCREAMING)
(CLUCKING)
1011
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:30,845
Drown, bitch!
I'm gonna kill you.
1012
00:46:32,720 --> 00:46:35,690
Watch what I do to your fuckin' baby!
(SCREAMING)
1013
00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:38,368
(PANTING)
(LOUD THUDDING)
1014
00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:41,211
MIGUEL: What you doin', man?
What'd you do?
1015
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:42,731
(BEEPS)
(GASPING)
1016
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:46,044
This polio is loco!
1017
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:48,403
(SCREAMING)
1018
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,565
MIGUEL: (LAUGHS) You got him,
Malcolm! That's right!
1019
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:54,695
(SPITS)
1020
00:46:54,720 --> 00:46:57,485
Yeah, you fucked
that chicken. (LAUGHS)
1021
00:46:58,480 --> 00:46:59,535
Malcolm...
1022
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:01,289
(CLUCKING)
1023
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:03,244
(SCREAMING)
(CLUCKING)
1024
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:05,135
Yeah!
1025
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:07,925
You about to go to
that great bucket in the sky!
1026
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:10,162
Tell the Colonel I said hi!
1027
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:11,845
(CROWING)
1028
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:15,975
MIGUEL: Oh, shit!
1029
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:18,575
That was like an intense-ass
game of Angry Birds, man!
1030
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:21,490
Fuck, Bro, you did it!
I think this house is clean!
1031
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:23,927
Well, maybe not clean,
but the demon's gone for sure.
1032
00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:26,924
What the hell are we gonna do
with all this chicken, Malcolm?
1033
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:28,969
Oh, yeah, ask the black guy.
1034
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:30,935
(BOTH MUMBLING)
1035
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,415
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm. Hey.
1036
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:35,169
Cheers.
Right on!
1037
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:38,775
(PANTING)
1038
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:41,167
What in the fuck?
1039
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:42,961
(GASPS)
1040
00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,804
You! This ends now!
1041
00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:50,806
You hear me, you googly-eyed
wooden bitch! Come on!
1042
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:54,851
You're making me
bury your fuckin' ass!
1043
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:56,095
(PANTING)
1044
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:57,406
(GRUNTS)
1045
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:02,085
Get in there! (GRUNTS)
1046
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:04,646
Die, you stink bitch!
1047
00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:07,804
B-I-T...
1048
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:09,962
Fuckin' bitch! (FARTS)
1049
00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:13,290
You want some of this?
1050
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:14,535
(PANTING)
1051
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:16,244
(SCREAMING)
1052
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:19,804
All right,
prepare to meet your maker!
1053
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:24,164
That's right, I'm sending
you back to Taiwan!
1054
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:26,642
You smell like piss and shit!
1055
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:29,161
Come on! You make me sick!
1056
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:32,975
(DOORBELL RINGS)
1057
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:35,162
You know what brown
can do for me? Take this!
1058
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:37,847
You sign!
Get the fuck outta here!
1059
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:39,401
(SCREAMS)
1060
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:43,160
Oh, see, I tried to do it
the easy way.
1061
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:45,682
Now you're gonna
make me violent.
1062
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,889
Come on, you... Get the fuck over here!
Shut up!
1063
00:48:49,680 --> 00:48:50,806
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
1064
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:54,887
How you like that, bitch?
I want you to watch.
1065
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,725
Let's see you write it now!
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
1066
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:00,722
Miss me? This is fun.
1067
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:03,850
Oh, we about to have a barbecue.
Get in there.
1068
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:06,520
Yeah! Hey, how you doin'?
(HORN HONKING)
1069
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,160
You gonna fuckin'
burn today, baby!
1070
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:12,055
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
1071
00:49:12,080 --> 00:49:15,050
That's what fucking
hell feels like!
1072
00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:19,371
(LAUGHING EVILLY)
1073
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:21,371
(CHEERING)
1074
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:23,645
(SOBBING)
1075
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:26,215
(MUTTERING INCOHERENTLY)
1076
00:49:26,240 --> 00:49:27,605
(SOBBING)
1077
00:49:35,000 --> 00:49:36,331
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
1078
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:39,565
(SCREAMING)
1079
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:42,446
You fuckin'... Fucking die!
1080
00:49:42,600 --> 00:49:47,083
I will watch your life come out of you.
Just die, you little...
1081
00:49:47,240 --> 00:49:50,375
I'll fuckin' cut your
goddamn eye out, you bitch!
1082
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:52,164
Malcolm!
(SCREAMING)
1083
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:56,089
Malcolm! What did you do to our room?
(WHISPERS) Say fucking nothing.
1084
00:49:56,240 --> 00:49:58,215
Honey, it's not what it
looks like, okay? Really?
1085
00:49:58,240 --> 00:49:59,855
It's not what it looks like.
Really?
1086
00:49:59,880 --> 00:50:04,044
Listen, listen to me. She's crazy!
It's not me, she's crazy!
1087
00:50:04,200 --> 00:50:05,775
You're crazy.
No, honey! Megan!
1088
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:07,290
You're crazy.
It's not what it looks like!
1089
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:09,575
Get away from me.
I'm not done with you,
1090
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:11,443
you fuckin' home-wrecker!
1091
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:13,405
God!
1092
00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:17,250
See, nobody will listen to the
black guy till everybody dead!
1093
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:19,455
I see how you lookin' at me.
Let me tell you something.
1094
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,006
This house...
This house is haunted.
1095
00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:24,521
You know that little doll that
you like so much? Abigail?
1096
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:27,486
Yeah, well, let me tell you something
about Abigail. She's alive!
1097
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:29,642
That's right, she's alive!
1098
00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:33,522
Not like "alive" alive, but
alive as in "is possessed."
1099
00:50:33,920 --> 00:50:37,242
You know how I know? 'Cause it made
me have sex with it! Repeatedly!
1100
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:41,086
Upstairs, downstairs,
in the kitchen, in the yard!
1101
00:50:41,240 --> 00:50:43,015
While you were sleepin'
next to us!
1102
00:50:43,040 --> 00:50:44,644
Right there
where you're sitting, twice!
1103
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:47,440
And that's why, when you came
upstairs and you caught me
1104
00:50:47,600 --> 00:50:50,215
and I was killing the doll,
because I was just like,
1105
00:50:50,240 --> 00:50:51,640
"You're fuckin' up
my relationship!"
1106
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:54,287
And that box? It's cursed!
1107
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:57,922
That box and that box.
That's haunted with a demon.
1108
00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:00,287
That box, cursed with dudes. But
that's a whole other story.
1109
00:51:00,440 --> 00:51:03,569
And your son, his little imaginary
friend that teaches him curse words
1110
00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:05,922
and gets him crunk off vodka!
1111
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:08,327
Yeah, yeah, I'm blowing
your spot, little man.
1112
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:11,450
Well, he's not so imaginary!
He's cray!
1113
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:13,935
No, no, no.
You cray! You cray-cray!
1114
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:17,328
You and your whole lot of other ethnic
words that's going out of style.
1115
00:51:17,480 --> 00:51:20,563
You ain't funky fresh or dope.
So, how about that, cray-cray?
1116
00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:23,122
Mom, he's scaring me.
1117
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,443
(LAUGHING) Is this the nigga
whose room exploded?
1118
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:30,008
I'm scaring you!
Opie, you something else!
1119
00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:34,484
You know what, that's it. I've had enough
of this whole haunted house craziness!
1120
00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:37,135
It's bad enough
that you think it's real,
1121
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:38,815
but now you're scaring the kids!
1122
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,295
I'm scaring the kids!
Yes!
1123
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:44,244
Ain't that the pot
callin' the kettle a nigga!
1124
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:48,724
No, no, no, baby! Your kids are scaring me!
(CHUCKLES) Okay?
1125
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:51,215
Look at this one! She's
Marilyn Manson in the skin
1126
00:51:51,240 --> 00:51:54,323
and Charlie Manson in the eyes!
Her eyes look crazy, okay?
1127
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:56,975
That's a crazy woman
carrying around a box
1128
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:58,375
like fuckin' Lionel
from the Peanuts,
1129
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:00,084
and he's hangin' out
with dead niggas
1130
00:52:00,240 --> 00:52:03,289
and I'm crazy? Oh! So, what am I
supposed to do with all this?
1131
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:06,011
Maybe you weren't ready!
Maybe we moved in too soon.
1132
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:08,175
Maybe you're not
ready for a family!
1133
00:52:08,200 --> 00:52:10,135
But we come as
a package deal, okay?
1134
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:12,295
This ain't about you
or them, okay? You...
1135
00:52:12,320 --> 00:52:13,287
(PHONE RINGING)
1136
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:16,370
Oh, shit. No! Hey!
Don't touch that shit!
1137
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:18,855
Don't touch it!
That's a demon ring.
1138
00:52:18,880 --> 00:52:20,855
Don't you answer that, you hear?
1139
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:22,495
That's the devil
callin' right there.
1140
00:52:22,520 --> 00:52:25,000
That is an evil ring!
You hear that?
1141
00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:27,123
Yeah, I said it, a demon ring!
1142
00:52:27,240 --> 00:52:30,084
And you can insta-tweet
that on your gram-o-vine!
1143
00:52:30,240 --> 00:52:32,208
(RINGING CONTINUES)
Nobody touch it!
1144
00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:34,415
Stop ringing!
1145
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:36,044
(RINGING CONTINUES)
1146
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:40,203
Stop ringing! Stop!
1147
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:42,564
(SCREAMING)
1148
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:46,295
Oh, that's a demon callin'.
(PHONE RINGING)
1149
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:48,209
BECKY: Uh, Malcolm?
Your pocket.
1150
00:52:50,720 --> 00:52:52,768
(RINGING CONTINUES)
Huh. Oh.
1151
00:52:53,120 --> 00:52:55,407
We gotta change my ringer.
1152
00:52:55,560 --> 00:53:00,202
Why do we even have home phones anymore?
I mean...
1153
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:01,566
(POUNDING ON DOOR)
1154
00:53:01,720 --> 00:53:03,927
Yeah? Who is it?
1155
00:53:04,040 --> 00:53:07,931
What the hell? Hey, how you
doin', officer? Come on in.
1156
00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:11,927
We got a call about
a domestic dispute.
1157
00:53:12,040 --> 00:53:13,246
Are you Malcolm Johnson?
1158
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,655
Uh, yeah, that's me,
but there's no dispute.
1159
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:17,055
I mean, I threw the phone,
but...
1160
00:53:17,080 --> 00:53:19,095
You're under arrest.
Hey! For what?
1161
00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,691
Oh, my God! Just raised
my voice a little bit!
1162
00:53:22,080 --> 00:53:24,082
Malcolm, our phone is broken.
I know what...
1163
00:53:24,240 --> 00:53:27,289
It's the doll! It's the doll! It
was the doll, brother, listen!
1164
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:28,735
This is all a misunderstanding.
1165
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:29,921
It was this doll. I was
fuckin' this doll, right?
1166
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:32,255
He's on PCP. Let's take him.
No, I'm not on PCP!
1167
00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:33,615
MALCOLM: You fuckin' bitch!
(MEGAN SCREAMING)
1168
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:34,775
You fuckin' bitch!
1169
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:36,131
You fuckin' bitch!
(SIREN WAILING)
1170
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:38,203
Malcolm, maybe
this is for the best.
1171
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:39,775
(MALCOLM SHOUTING)
1172
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:41,290
(SCREAMING)
1173
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:18,970
(AGHOUL LAUGHING)
1174
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:23,410
Can't escape my wrath,
for I am death.
1175
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:31,486
Now you burn. Fire.
1176
00:54:32,760 --> 00:54:34,364
(EXCLAIMING IN ALARM)
1177
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:39,441
Help!
1178
00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:43,726
(SIGHS)
1179
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:47,046
(SCREAMING)
1180
00:54:56,200 --> 00:54:58,043
(YELLING)
1181
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:07,682
What is...
1182
00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:11,523
Malcolm?
1183
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:20,055
Malcolm?
Mmm...
1184
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:21,175
(GROANS)
1185
00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:23,362
Damn, son, you look fucked up!
1186
00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:27,055
Don't look at me.
Don't look at me!
1187
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:30,607
Mom, your man's in here pukin'
like a little bitch!
1188
00:55:30,720 --> 00:55:32,015
See that shit, Tony?
1189
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:34,042
(CHURCH BELLS RINGING)
1190
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:39,848
Sometimes the victim may be
tormented by more than one demon.
1191
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:42,123
These cases lead
to transference.
1192
00:55:42,240 --> 00:55:44,215
Trans-who?
What the fuck is that, dog?
1193
00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:45,615
Father Williams!
Mind your tongue.
1194
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:46,926
You are a man of the cloth!
1195
00:55:47,160 --> 00:55:50,335
Damn, man, ain't like I'm
rapin' motherfuckers no more,
1196
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:51,600
you know what I'm sayin'?
1197
00:55:51,720 --> 00:55:54,451
Shit. Keep on wit' your
little lesson, brother.
1198
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:56,170
Victims have also
been known to break
1199
00:55:56,280 --> 00:55:57,850
their own bones
during the possession.
1200
00:55:58,240 --> 00:55:59,765
WILLIAMS: True.
That happened to me.
1201
00:55:59,960 --> 00:56:02,566
I was first in prison, I was
tryin' to give myself head, right?
1202
00:56:02,720 --> 00:56:04,290
'Cause I ain't know nobody.
1203
00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:06,895
If I woulda knew somebody, I wouldn't
have had to do it to myself.
1204
00:56:06,920 --> 00:56:09,446
And it wasn't no gay shit.
First get that out your head.
1205
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:11,887
That's enough! I've had
enough of your insolence!
1206
00:56:12,240 --> 00:56:14,607
My what?
My insolence?
1207
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:17,604
Dog, you going to bring up
my condition right now?
1208
00:56:17,760 --> 00:56:19,935
You gonna bring up
my diabetes, dog?
1209
00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:21,450
Talkin' about my insolence.
1210
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:24,763
'Cause I like cake?
Yeah, I like cake, guys.
1211
00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:27,127
I like cake, birthday cake,
all kinds of cake.
1212
00:56:27,240 --> 00:56:29,447
I'm talking about,
cake, cake, cake!
1213
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:31,295
Man, you know what?
1214
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:32,375
I'm sick of your shit!
1215
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:33,401
(GROANING)
1216
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:37,285
Get outta here! Everybody break out.
Take your boy with you.
1217
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:40,125
Yeah. I mean really, man.
1218
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:42,041
Ooh.
1219
00:56:42,440 --> 00:56:43,487
Malcolm?
1220
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:45,295
Hey, Father Williams!
1221
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:46,975
Fuck, nigga, what'd I tell you
about callin' me that?
1222
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:48,495
I'm sorry. Hey, Doug!
1223
00:56:48,520 --> 00:56:50,010
Roll down, man!
1224
00:56:51,240 --> 00:56:54,775
I'm sorry you caught that, man.
I'm so stressed out, man.
1225
00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:56,928
I had to shank a muthafucka.
You saw that, right?
1226
00:56:57,280 --> 00:56:58,415
I didn't see nothin'.
1227
00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:00,727
That's a good answer.
That's a good answer.
1228
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:02,335
If you saw it...
'Cause I was gonna say
1229
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:03,975
if you woulda said yes,
I woulda...
1230
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:05,935
(SCREAMS) Oh, shit!
1231
00:57:05,960 --> 00:57:08,167
That's all right, I don't have nothin'.
That's the only one I had.
1232
00:57:08,360 --> 00:57:10,495
I used to have two shanks, but
I don't keep that anymore.
1233
00:57:10,520 --> 00:57:11,806
I stopped doin' two shanks
1234
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:13,335
'cause it just was a thang, and
1235
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:14,691
everybody was like,
"Two shanks."
1236
00:57:14,960 --> 00:57:17,440
Yeah, so, how you doin'?
1237
00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:20,649
I, uh... I need your help.
1238
00:57:20,800 --> 00:57:22,529
It's happenin', Doug.
1239
00:57:22,640 --> 00:57:24,324
Hell no!
1240
00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:26,535
You know I'm not
comin' over there
1241
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:28,535
and fuckin' with you and your
creepy lil' bitch again!
1242
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:29,895
I ain't even with
that bitch no more!
1243
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:31,575
I'm beggin' you, man,
I just need your help.
1244
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:33,015
I just don't know
who else to go to.
1245
00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:35,202
Let me just explain to you
why I became a priest.
1246
00:57:35,360 --> 00:57:38,330
Now, obvious one is
for the little boys. Yes.
1247
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:40,295
What're you talkin' about?
1248
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:42,415
It's a joke, Malcolm!
1249
00:57:42,440 --> 00:57:45,575
Oh, God, no, it was a joke.
I did that, you know,
1250
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:47,602
for the other priests
and we laugh, that's all.
1251
00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:51,765
But I don't know if I can help
you with your demon situation
1252
00:57:51,920 --> 00:57:54,535
because I haven't
been stayin' steady
1253
00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:57,404
on my demon fightin' skills, is
what I'm tryin' to tell you.
1254
00:57:57,560 --> 00:58:00,803
So Malcolm, day after day,
1255
00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:07,528
when you know you can't win, you're
just prolonging the inevitable!
1256
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:10,535
All you gotta do is let them in.
1257
00:58:10,560 --> 00:58:12,005
Are you talkin' about the Devil?
1258
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:14,771
Worse. The Kardashians.
1259
00:58:14,880 --> 00:58:16,086
(GASPS) Yeah.
1260
00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:18,815
Yeah, did you see 'em?
It's the crazy mama,
1261
00:58:18,840 --> 00:58:20,888
it's Kim, Khloe, Kourtney,
crazy, the two little ones...
1262
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:24,362
They gonna be freaks. They
got Lamar, they got Scott...
1263
00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:26,015
Rob, fat as a motherfucker,
1264
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:27,610
Bruce with the acne.
Oh, Bruce...
1265
00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:30,055
What the fuck is wrong
with Bruce Jenner face?
1266
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:31,411
He look like a monster!
1267
00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:34,643
He scares me at night!
And he on in daytime.
1268
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:36,935
He don't look like the nigga
that was on the Wheaties box!
1269
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:39,884
And Kanye! And Kanye!
And Julianne Hough!
1270
00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:44,255
I love it and I hate it. They
took Kanye and they changed him.
1271
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:46,455
Doug, you know... Doug...
(POUNDING ON WINDOWS)
1272
00:58:46,480 --> 00:58:47,811
You have to let go of me, Doug.
1273
00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:49,375
You can't...
1274
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:50,765
Doug, you gotta let go of me!
1275
00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:54,646
There's no place you can hide.
He has a plan for you.
1276
00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:56,490
Doug, get off of me.
He will get you!
1277
00:58:56,640 --> 00:58:58,455
Doug, get your hands off me!
1278
00:58:58,480 --> 00:59:00,815
What the fuck is wrong with you?
1279
00:59:00,840 --> 00:59:02,888
(POUNDING ON WINDOWS)
1280
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:05,601
Ow!
1281
00:59:05,760 --> 00:59:08,684
Oh, you're the one that got
us out here in the hot heat!
1282
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:11,605
Making me bang all on the windows
with my good church hat!
1283
00:59:11,760 --> 00:59:14,415
Hon, I could be at home
watchin' that new Madea movie!
1284
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:15,535
What's the name
of that Madea movie
1285
00:59:15,560 --> 00:59:17,375
with the little girl
from The Fresh Prince?
1286
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:20,415
You know the one, she played the
head of NASA! With the aliens!
1287
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:21,495
Madea Goes To Mars!
1288
00:59:21,520 --> 00:59:23,284
Boom!
Madea Goes To Mars, that's it!
1289
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:26,615
(MUMBLING) Hold up,
ain't you that brother
1290
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:29,291
that just moved
into old Burton place?
1291
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:32,201
Yeah, it's just...
With a white woman!
1292
00:59:32,560 --> 00:59:33,975
Well, she's not
all the way white.
1293
00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:36,571
She's a white woman,
damn near clear!
1294
00:59:36,760 --> 00:59:41,004
Come on now, it's 2013. Interracial
relationships is not a big deal.
1295
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:44,335
What? You need to
tell that to the lonely sista.
1296
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:46,055
Look at this one right here.
Right here!
1297
00:59:46,080 --> 00:59:48,615
Honey, show him how you
drop it like it's hot!
1298
00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:51,849
Whoo! Hold up, Bertha, hold up. Hold up.
We ain't got no defibrillator.
1299
00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:53,695
Oh, you know what it is
with the white girl?
1300
00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:56,485
They do that cungalingus,
the finga-ligga-linga.
1301
00:59:56,640 --> 00:59:58,975
What is it, the fellatio?
MALCOLM: Uh...
1302
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:00,615
That's what it is, they go deep.
1303
01:00:00,640 --> 01:00:02,001
You know they
ain't got no insides.
1304
01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:03,690
I think that's my cue to go.
1305
01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:06,610
Excuse me, sistas.
Have a good sermon.
1306
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:08,255
Where you goin'?
1307
01:00:08,280 --> 01:00:09,655
MALCOLM: Love is love.
You're so bitter.
1308
01:00:09,680 --> 01:00:10,886
See?
MALCOLM: You angry.
1309
01:00:11,000 --> 01:00:14,721
Brothers be trippin'. That's why
I got me a white man at home.
1310
01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:16,808
Yeah, girl.
WOMAN: Vanilla my flavor.
1311
01:00:20,080 --> 01:00:21,135
PROFESSOR: Hello, Malcolm.
1312
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:22,455
Oh, Professor Wilde, thank God.
1313
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:24,005
I've been tryin' to reach you!
1314
01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:25,969
I'm sorry, Malcolm,
I've been a bit tied up.
1315
01:00:26,120 --> 01:00:28,975
I haven't been able to find
any more on Aghoul,
1316
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,048
though my resources
are a bit limited.
1317
01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:33,646
Uh, Professor?
Where the hell are you?
1318
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:36,121
Ooh, doin' a stretch
of five to 10.
1319
01:00:36,520 --> 01:00:38,655
Apparently, the authorities
frown on sellin' meth
1320
01:00:38,680 --> 01:00:40,648
to college students.
1321
01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:42,251
Yeah, apparently.
1322
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:43,535
You need to hang up
1323
01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:44,655
that computer call,
1324
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:47,081
come over here and kiss me
on my hot mouth.
1325
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:49,807
I'm feelin' romantical.
1326
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:53,055
Well, Malcolm,
I suppose I should get going.
1327
01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:54,809
But I will be
e-mailing you the contacts
1328
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:56,055
of associates
who'll be able to help.
1329
01:00:56,080 --> 01:00:57,695
I don't mean to be pushy,
but any way
1330
01:00:57,720 --> 01:00:59,290
you could do that
before you get raped?
1331
01:00:59,640 --> 01:01:01,575
What part of mandingo party
1332
01:01:01,600 --> 01:01:03,728
do you not understand?
1333
01:01:03,880 --> 01:01:06,167
It's time to power
the white rabbit.
1334
01:01:06,520 --> 01:01:09,126
You know. Dirty the snow.
1335
01:01:09,880 --> 01:01:10,961
Oh, I'm screwed.
1336
01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:12,560
PROFESSOR: Don't!
That's not that bad.
1337
01:01:14,200 --> 01:01:16,601
Lights, please. Thank you.
1338
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:20,725
So after several exhausting
days of the exorcism,
1339
01:01:20,880 --> 01:01:24,043
I threw some holy water on
her, read an incantation
1340
01:01:24,240 --> 01:01:27,735
and the demon left
the woman's body.
1341
01:01:27,760 --> 01:01:31,128
(CHUCKLING) I suppose I just
sat back and watched.
1342
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:34,535
I mean, I'm just the medium
who puts her life in danger
1343
01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:37,086
every time she reaches out
to demonic forces.
1344
01:01:37,240 --> 01:01:39,855
But you've got a Bible
and a bottle of holy water,
1345
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:41,135
so you make
the world a safer place!
1346
01:01:41,160 --> 01:01:43,535
The fact is, people,
is that God is real,
1347
01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:46,803
the Devil is real,
and monsters exist.
1348
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:50,970
Well... They're vicious,
terrifying entities!
1349
01:01:51,120 --> 01:01:53,771
But the good news is,
Santa Claus doesn't exist
1350
01:01:53,920 --> 01:01:55,495
so you don't have to worry
about some creepy old guy
1351
01:01:55,520 --> 01:01:56,975
coming down your chimney.
(ALL SOBBING)
1352
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:58,095
Okay...
Got your nose!
1353
01:01:58,120 --> 01:02:00,805
So, what exactly are you guys?
And who the fuck hired you?
1354
01:02:00,960 --> 01:02:03,327
You can call us Ned and Noreen.
1355
01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:06,086
See? This is why you don't
hire from Craigslist.
1356
01:02:06,280 --> 01:02:07,566
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING) Asshole!
1357
01:02:10,280 --> 01:02:13,575
I don't understand why you
always have to take the credit!
1358
01:02:13,600 --> 01:02:16,055
I mean, even your name comes
first on our book cover,
1359
01:02:16,080 --> 01:02:17,735
and I am the one with a gift!
It's not my fault
1360
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:20,240
that Ned comes before
Noreen in alphabetical order!
1361
01:02:20,600 --> 01:02:22,967
Is that why Ned comes before
Noreen in the bedroom?
1362
01:02:23,120 --> 01:02:24,895
Just once I'd like
you to do that thing
1363
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:26,135
with your thumb
and your forefinger.
1364
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:27,575
I think they
call it the shocker?
1365
01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:31,400
Yeah, well, I would like you to do
that thing with my balls and the...
1366
01:02:31,640 --> 01:02:33,642
Hi! Hi! can we help you?
1367
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:36,690
Yes. Um, there's something
horrible happening in my house.
1368
01:02:36,840 --> 01:02:39,127
My family doesn't realize
what's going on, but I do!
1369
01:02:39,280 --> 01:02:41,615
I'm sure that there's
a rational explanation...
1370
01:02:41,640 --> 01:02:42,775
Please! They're white!
1371
01:02:42,800 --> 01:02:44,975
Oh, my God!
Why didn't you say that?
1372
01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:46,286
Yeah, you should lead with that!
1373
01:02:46,640 --> 01:02:49,962
I mean, if you're black we just
assume that your hauntings are
1374
01:02:50,160 --> 01:02:52,845
bill collectors or
racist police officers.
1375
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:54,843
But 99% of all hauntings
1376
01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:56,809
happen to white people,
that's a fact.
1377
01:02:57,000 --> 01:02:59,651
What he means to say is,
of course we'll help you.
1378
01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:01,040
Thank you so much.
1379
01:03:01,200 --> 01:03:03,175
So we're here to
help you people.
1380
01:03:03,200 --> 01:03:05,646
And before you get worked up, I
mean "you people" as a couple.
1381
01:03:05,840 --> 01:03:07,495
It wasn't racist
till you explained it.
1382
01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:08,681
Yeah.
1383
01:03:08,840 --> 01:03:11,215
The bad news is you have
a demon in your house.
1384
01:03:11,240 --> 01:03:12,295
Here we go again.
1385
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:15,688
Okay, wait. So the house
really is haunted?
1386
01:03:15,840 --> 01:03:19,162
Megan, it's not
the house that's haunted.
1387
01:03:19,320 --> 01:03:22,164
A-ha! I knew it! I knew it! It's
always the little white girl.
1388
01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:25,175
Think about it. The Exorcist,
The Last Exorcism,
1389
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:27,375
The Exorcism of Emily Rose.
All white girls.
1390
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:28,695
'Cause there ain't no black
parents gonna have
1391
01:03:28,720 --> 01:03:30,015
no little white girl
talkin' like that.
1392
01:03:30,040 --> 01:03:31,495
"Bitch, who are you?"
Who're you cursin' at?
1393
01:03:31,520 --> 01:03:33,175
"And turn
the fuckin' air down in here!"
1394
01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:35,655
Malcolm, Malcolm, just
listen for a second. Yes.
1395
01:03:35,680 --> 01:03:39,366
When we first met you, there
was something attached to you.
1396
01:03:39,720 --> 01:03:42,041
Oh, that was a hemorrhoid.
That was... It's good now.
1397
01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:44,726
This dark entity has
attached itself to him
1398
01:03:44,840 --> 01:03:46,922
and now it's
feeding off of all of you.
1399
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:49,935
So what you're saying is that
this is all Malcolm's fault.
1400
01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:52,015
That's right. Your family
could've left here at
1401
01:03:52,040 --> 01:03:53,963
any time, but now you're stuck.
1402
01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:56,015
Like a piece of toilet paper
1403
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:57,881
stuck on your shoe
when you leave the bathroom.
1404
01:03:57,920 --> 01:04:00,048
And your wife knew the whole
time, but she didn't tell you
1405
01:04:00,200 --> 01:04:03,044
because she wanted you to walk
around and look like an idiot.
1406
01:04:03,200 --> 01:04:06,575
Oh, get over it! I'm not
the one who had an affair
1407
01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:08,841
with some low-rent
palm reader from Akron!
1408
01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:11,120
And you never would've known
if you weren't a psychic!
1409
01:04:11,240 --> 01:04:12,935
But I am psychic, Ned!
1410
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:14,166
BOTH: Oh!
Ow.
1411
01:04:14,280 --> 01:04:16,248
Shit!
What is that for?
1412
01:04:16,400 --> 01:04:18,562
What you'll be thinking about
doing to Megan in two seconds.
1413
01:04:18,680 --> 01:04:21,001
"Thinking about doing to
Megan?" One, two, see?
1414
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:25,728
Uh, guys,
we came on short notice.
1415
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:27,444
We may need
an extra pair of hands.
1416
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:29,410
Anyone you trust to help?
1417
01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:31,568
I know a guy. He's Mexican.
1418
01:04:33,760 --> 01:04:35,649
Megan,
let's go to your contacts.
1419
01:04:39,080 --> 01:04:40,695
Hey, nice camera.
Right?
1420
01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:42,927
I take it your third cousin
owns electronics shops.
1421
01:04:43,080 --> 01:04:45,415
Eh, somethin' like that. He sells
them out of the back of his truck.
1422
01:04:45,440 --> 01:04:47,920
It's a mobile operation.
Let me know if you want one.
1423
01:04:48,080 --> 01:04:50,095
Hey, Ned, something weird.
1424
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:53,283
All these clocks stop at 3:27
when the hauntings happen.
1425
01:04:53,440 --> 01:04:57,525
Normally, it's 3:07.
Nope, we're on CP time.
1426
01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:00,931
The demon will manifest itself
in many ways.
1427
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:03,135
To your son,
it's his imaginary friend.
1428
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:05,322
To your daughter
it's the voice inside the box.
1429
01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:07,761
For Malcolm it's that
sexy little doll Abigail.
1430
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:11,123
See? It's a manifestation! You think
I'd bang a doll for no reason?
1431
01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:13,408
Malcolm! Shut up.
What we're about to do
1432
01:05:13,600 --> 01:05:16,331
is the first step in banishing
the demon to the netherworld.
1433
01:05:16,880 --> 01:05:18,450
Oh, what is that?
1434
01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:21,291
This helps me communicate
with the demon.
1435
01:05:21,440 --> 01:05:24,735
Organic,
hydroponically grown OG Kush.
1436
01:05:24,760 --> 01:05:26,000
Very strong.
1437
01:05:27,480 --> 01:05:30,484
This is some good shit.
1438
01:05:30,680 --> 01:05:31,681
(CHUCKLES)
1439
01:05:31,800 --> 01:05:33,529
Well, pass the mask, shit.
1440
01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:35,444
NOREEN: We grow it ourselves.
1441
01:05:35,800 --> 01:05:37,404
NED: High water bill.
(COUGHING)
1442
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:39,170
That's that shit right there!
1443
01:05:39,320 --> 01:05:41,240
Let me get another hit.
I'm goin' to the Further.
1444
01:05:43,840 --> 01:05:46,241
Tony, where are you?
1445
01:05:47,360 --> 01:05:48,361
(CREAKING)
1446
01:05:48,680 --> 01:05:51,365
Smells like that OG Kush.
1447
01:05:58,200 --> 01:05:59,361
WYATT: Mom!
1448
01:06:01,720 --> 01:06:03,688
What...
Becky!
1449
01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:07,695
Cool!
Wyatt, get upstairs!
1450
01:06:07,720 --> 01:06:09,760
MALCOLM: Wyatt, come on!
DEMON: Fuck you, you bitch!
1451
01:06:11,720 --> 01:06:13,290
Why are you tying
my baby to a chair?
1452
01:06:13,400 --> 01:06:14,925
Because the bitch
got a demon in her!
1453
01:06:15,320 --> 01:06:16,731
BECKY: Make it stop!
(GROWLS)
1454
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:19,804
This is some scary
Cucuy shit right here, man.
1455
01:06:19,960 --> 01:06:21,535
I don't know who Cucuy is.
1456
01:06:21,560 --> 01:06:23,403
A Cucuy is a
ghetto Mexican bogeyman.
1457
01:06:23,560 --> 01:06:25,215
Oh, like George Lopez.
1458
01:06:25,240 --> 01:06:26,401
(CHUCKLES) I know, huh?
1459
01:06:26,560 --> 01:06:29,291
I agree, it is scary as fuck.
1460
01:06:29,440 --> 01:06:31,727
(GROWLING) This spirit is
more powerful than I thought.
1461
01:06:31,920 --> 01:06:34,571
We're gonna need to get a priest
and perform a real exorcism.
1462
01:06:34,760 --> 01:06:37,923
I know a guy!
He's a little unconventional.
1463
01:06:39,760 --> 01:06:41,524
I don't know, Malcolm.
(SCREAMING)
1464
01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:43,409
I know, that bitch
don't look right.
1465
01:06:43,600 --> 01:06:45,055
No, why you gotta
call her a bitch?
1466
01:06:45,080 --> 01:06:46,525
You disrespecting the little ho.
1467
01:06:46,680 --> 01:06:48,330
Nigga, did you just sell me out?
1468
01:06:48,440 --> 01:06:50,442
There's certain words
that trigger white folk.
1469
01:06:50,600 --> 01:06:53,775
I mean, bitch, ho, slut.
No offense.
1470
01:06:53,800 --> 01:06:55,775
You can't say those words.
That's like our...
1471
01:06:55,800 --> 01:06:56,801
Hey!
1472
01:06:56,920 --> 01:06:57,921
What the hell are
you talking about?
1473
01:06:58,080 --> 01:06:59,161
Are you out your damn mind?
1474
01:06:59,280 --> 01:07:01,535
We would never say that.
1475
01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:03,688
Oh, we would
behind closed doors.
1476
01:07:03,840 --> 01:07:06,175
I mean, I wouldn't say it
in a bus or a waffle house.
1477
01:07:06,200 --> 01:07:07,326
At the Atlanta Airport
1478
01:07:07,480 --> 01:07:10,324
or in the parking lot of a KFC,
but, yeah, I would say it.
1479
01:07:10,480 --> 01:07:12,323
Hey, I ain't your boy...
I got your back.
1480
01:07:12,440 --> 01:07:14,135
This is a lovely
scarf you're wearing.
1481
01:07:14,160 --> 01:07:15,810
It's a sash,
you know what I'm sayin'?
1482
01:07:15,960 --> 01:07:18,531
I'm selling these. This a
part of my new clothing line,
1483
01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:20,255
"Jesus Pieces," and I got, like,
1484
01:07:20,280 --> 01:07:21,805
the shoe that
the Pope be wearin'.
1485
01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:25,646
In leather, suede, in green,
brown, and the Pope hats!
1486
01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:28,804
I can't keep that shit, you
know niggers love big hats.
1487
01:07:28,960 --> 01:07:31,080
Okay, you know what, that's enough.
Thank you so much.
1488
01:07:31,280 --> 01:07:34,489
That's right. Can we help
my daughter, please?
1489
01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:36,655
Hell, she went
really white girl on me.
1490
01:07:36,680 --> 01:07:38,489
"Oh, my God!"
I was like, "Whoa."
1491
01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:41,484
Speaking of white...
Are you doin' cocaine again?
1492
01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:43,563
Cocaine?
No, man, this stuff's molly!
1493
01:07:43,680 --> 01:07:46,411
ALL: Oh!
Can I try?
1494
01:07:46,560 --> 01:07:48,005
It's all good.
NOREEN: Oh, wow.
1495
01:07:48,480 --> 01:07:49,891
(TEETH CHATTERING)
1496
01:07:50,000 --> 01:07:51,411
I'm gonna take
a little pinch for later.
1497
01:07:51,520 --> 01:07:53,010
He's just bringing drugs?
1498
01:07:53,320 --> 01:07:54,695
It's molly.
Wrap it up!
1499
01:07:54,720 --> 01:07:56,135
Yeah, I'm sorry. I told you
he was unconventional.
1500
01:07:56,160 --> 01:07:57,975
(GROWLING)
1501
01:07:58,000 --> 01:07:59,095
All right.
1502
01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:00,167
(ALL SCREAMING)
1503
01:08:00,320 --> 01:08:01,855
Hey, chill. Calm down, man.
1504
01:08:01,880 --> 01:08:03,484
Doug! Doug! Doug! Whoa.
1505
01:08:03,600 --> 01:08:05,255
Y'all some crazy
ass motherfuckers.
1506
01:08:05,280 --> 01:08:06,960
Y'all thought I was
gonna shoot this bitch?
1507
01:08:07,000 --> 01:08:09,606
I'm just gonna pistol-whip her
until she weakens.
1508
01:08:09,760 --> 01:08:11,815
You're not pistol-whipping
my daughter!
1509
01:08:11,840 --> 01:08:13,135
I am not pistol-whipping
my daughter.
1510
01:08:13,160 --> 01:08:15,535
He know's what he's doing.
The man is a genius.
1511
01:08:15,560 --> 01:08:16,766
(GROWLING)
1512
01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:21,970
In the name of the Father and
the Holy Ghost... (GROWLING)
1513
01:08:22,160 --> 01:08:23,889
I need three other white people.
1514
01:08:24,040 --> 01:08:25,371
Peyton Manning!
1515
01:08:25,520 --> 01:08:26,806
Peyton Manning, Kristen Stewart.
1516
01:08:26,960 --> 01:08:28,371
Paula Deen!
(GROWLING)
1517
01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:33,335
Where's Doug? I can't find
his black ass in this dark!
1518
01:08:33,360 --> 01:08:34,415
MIGUEL: Where the hell is he?
1519
01:08:34,440 --> 01:08:35,495
Look for eyes!
1520
01:08:35,520 --> 01:08:38,683
Like a forest creature in a cartoon.
Father Doug!
1521
01:08:38,880 --> 01:08:41,531
He's over here! He's over here!
(WHIMPERING)
1522
01:08:41,720 --> 01:08:43,484
Doug! Nigga, please, don't.
1523
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:45,682
MEGAN: Father, please don't!
1524
01:08:45,840 --> 01:08:48,335
No, wait! It's better if he points
the gun at himself and not at us.
1525
01:08:48,360 --> 01:08:49,935
Just talk to him, Malcolm.
1526
01:08:49,960 --> 01:08:52,281
Listen to my voice, okay, Doug?
Listen to my voice.
1527
01:08:52,760 --> 01:08:55,411
This is not what niggas do!
We don't do suicide!
1528
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:58,882
Murder, yes! Suicide?
That's what they do.
1529
01:08:59,040 --> 01:09:02,567
Yeah, we do that.
I've tried at least 20 times.
1530
01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:05,927
Motherfucker got me acting
all crazy, actin' the fool!
1531
01:09:06,120 --> 01:09:08,088
You know damn well I wouldn't
peel my own cap!
1532
01:09:08,400 --> 01:09:09,401
(CHOKING)
1533
01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:12,565
I can't stop it! I can't
stop it! Man, it keeps...
1534
01:09:12,720 --> 01:09:15,055
There's somethin' in my head that's
tellin' me to blow off my head.
1535
01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:17,003
Is it in here? Is it in there?
1536
01:09:17,160 --> 01:09:20,562
No, no, no! Yeah, up there!
(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
1537
01:09:20,760 --> 01:09:23,175
Demon break.
Who wants a mojito?
1538
01:09:23,200 --> 01:09:24,884
Oh, the black guy's
still got a gun.
1539
01:09:25,000 --> 01:09:27,970
Oh, God! This demon is
a son of a bitch, man!
1540
01:09:28,120 --> 01:09:30,771
Father,
why have you abandoned me?
1541
01:09:30,920 --> 01:09:34,527
Is it because I cuss a lot,
even during prayer?
1542
01:09:34,680 --> 01:09:36,762
"Amen, motherfucker,"
sounds dope.
1543
01:09:36,920 --> 01:09:39,082
Is it because...
(CHOKING)
1544
01:09:39,600 --> 01:09:42,046
I don't get Ryan Seacrest.
I don't get him.
1545
01:09:42,240 --> 01:09:45,449
I know what it is, 'cause I
dressed up as a foreclosure sign
1546
01:09:45,600 --> 01:09:47,921
when people was getting
kicked out of their house.
1547
01:09:48,120 --> 01:09:50,248
On Halloween I just
stood in the yard.
1548
01:09:50,360 --> 01:09:52,442
I knew it was wrong,
but it was funny to me.
1549
01:09:52,600 --> 01:09:55,001
Out of all of
the people on the Brady Bunch,
1550
01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:57,487
it was Alice that
I wanted to fuck.
1551
01:09:57,640 --> 01:10:01,455
In the station wagon, on top of Mr.
Brady's architect desk.
1552
01:10:01,480 --> 01:10:03,562
Just used it for
protractors and rulers.
1553
01:10:03,760 --> 01:10:06,286
Is it because I
actually kinda thought
1554
01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:08,971
that it was okay that
Chris Brown hit Rihanna?
1555
01:10:09,120 --> 01:10:11,691
I know that bitch hit him first, man!
She talk too much shit!
1556
01:10:11,840 --> 01:10:13,975
She an Island Girl.
"What you doin', Chris?"
1557
01:10:14,000 --> 01:10:16,015
"Where you goin'?" Who's this
bitch talkin' "about Chris?"
1558
01:10:16,040 --> 01:10:17,485
Shut the fuck up, bitch!
1559
01:10:17,640 --> 01:10:18,855
Somebody help me.
1560
01:10:18,880 --> 01:10:20,080
MALCOLM: Doug! Fight it, Doug!
1561
01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:23,647
No! Nigga, that's a bigass gun!
That's gonna hurt, nigga.
1562
01:10:23,800 --> 01:10:26,531
Malcolm,
he has a message for you.
1563
01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:29,529
He says...
1564
01:10:29,640 --> 01:10:30,880
"Hi, bitch."
1565
01:10:31,480 --> 01:10:32,481
(SCREAMING)
1566
01:10:32,600 --> 01:10:34,250
MEGAN: Oh, my God!
No!
1567
01:10:34,480 --> 01:10:36,005
(BECKY GROWLING)
1568
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:39,167
We're gonna need another priest!
It's too late.
1569
01:10:39,480 --> 01:10:40,720
I have to perform the exorcism.
1570
01:10:40,840 --> 01:10:41,841
It's true.
1571
01:10:42,000 --> 01:10:43,975
Although Ned's only
formal training was at
1572
01:10:44,000 --> 01:10:45,843
Ghostbusters summer
camp back in 1988.
1573
01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:47,575
Never cross the streams.
Never cross them.
1574
01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:48,681
And he is dumb!
1575
01:10:48,840 --> 01:10:51,161
I mean, dumb, dumb, dumb!
1576
01:10:51,480 --> 01:10:54,006
The point is, you can do this!
1577
01:10:54,160 --> 01:10:55,935
Do you remember what you said
to me on our wedding night?
1578
01:10:55,960 --> 01:10:58,015
"I have whiskey dick and I'll make
it up to you in the morning."
1579
01:10:58,040 --> 01:11:01,522
No! You said God brought
us together for a reason.
1580
01:11:02,200 --> 01:11:04,601
That doesn't sound like me.
Must've been really drunk.
1581
01:11:04,720 --> 01:11:07,564
Just fucking do it, dummy!
Okay.
1582
01:11:07,800 --> 01:11:10,007
(CHANTING FAKE LATIN)
1583
01:11:10,280 --> 01:11:11,281
(GROWLS)
1584
01:11:19,840 --> 01:11:21,335
Becky!
Did it work?
1585
01:11:21,360 --> 01:11:23,575
BECKY: Please help me.
I'm sorry for everything!
1586
01:11:23,600 --> 01:11:25,045
MIGUEL: I think you did it!
1587
01:11:25,360 --> 01:11:26,885
(LOUD THUD)
(ALL SCREAMING)
1588
01:11:27,280 --> 01:11:28,441
(GROWLING)
1589
01:11:29,840 --> 01:11:32,207
NED: Full inversion.
We got a full inversion.
1590
01:11:34,200 --> 01:11:36,009
Oh, fuck!
1591
01:11:36,120 --> 01:11:37,884
MEGAN: Oh, my God!
1592
01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:40,566
Time to die!
1593
01:11:41,560 --> 01:11:42,846
It was him! It was him!
1594
01:11:42,960 --> 01:11:44,200
No, don't do me like that!
1595
01:11:44,560 --> 01:11:46,050
It actually was him.
1596
01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:48,095
MIGUEL: Better him than me.
1597
01:11:48,120 --> 01:11:50,009
NOREEN: That looked like
it hurt, shit.
1598
01:11:50,560 --> 01:11:52,210
(SHRIEKING)
1599
01:11:54,720 --> 01:11:56,695
Whoo! Now, that's what
you call a blowjob.
1600
01:11:56,720 --> 01:11:57,767
A leaf blower?
1601
01:11:57,920 --> 01:11:59,684
Don't judge me.
MEGAN: Malcolm!
1602
01:11:59,840 --> 01:12:03,322
Demon, you leave
our daughter alone!
1603
01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:04,895
(GROWLS)
(DOOR SLAMS)
1604
01:12:04,920 --> 01:12:06,445
That's not your
daughter anymore!
1605
01:12:06,560 --> 01:12:08,161
I didn't mean like
a daughter-daughter...
1606
01:12:08,200 --> 01:12:11,535
I was just saying that... Seriously?
Malcolm, help her!
1607
01:12:11,560 --> 01:12:12,891
Okay. God damn it!
1608
01:12:13,000 --> 01:12:14,286
Go get 'em, buddy.
1609
01:12:15,600 --> 01:12:17,135
Wyatt, are you okay?
1610
01:12:17,160 --> 01:12:18,605
Yeah, but Becky?
1611
01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:20,762
She looks pretty fucked up.
1612
01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:22,445
(ROARS)
1613
01:12:22,600 --> 01:12:24,055
Demon, I'll make you a deal.
1614
01:12:24,080 --> 01:12:26,811
How about you leave, and we'll
pretend none of this ever happened?
1615
01:12:26,960 --> 01:12:28,769
The bitch is mine!
1616
01:12:28,920 --> 01:12:30,729
You heard the man,
the bitch is his. I tried.
1617
01:12:30,880 --> 01:12:31,935
Seriously?
1618
01:12:31,960 --> 01:12:33,735
She said the bitch is his.
That's pretty emphatic.
1619
01:12:33,760 --> 01:12:36,445
Malcolm, please help me.
I'm so sorry.
1620
01:12:37,960 --> 01:12:41,646
Becky will rot in hell!
1621
01:12:41,800 --> 01:12:44,610
Okay, which one is it? Go rot in
hell or you want me to help you?
1622
01:12:44,760 --> 01:12:45,935
Malcolm, help her!
1623
01:12:45,960 --> 01:12:47,041
The bitch is confusing me!
1624
01:12:47,200 --> 01:12:52,001
Okay. Demon, you leave her alone!
You take me instead!
1625
01:12:52,600 --> 01:12:53,601
Deal.
1626
01:12:53,800 --> 01:12:56,087
Wait, no, no, no.
Here, take him instead!
1627
01:13:01,000 --> 01:13:02,575
I haven't heard
a demon scream for a while.
1628
01:13:02,600 --> 01:13:04,080
I think it's safe
to go back up there.
1629
01:13:04,120 --> 01:13:05,535
I still have a bad feeling.
1630
01:13:05,560 --> 01:13:07,244
For God's sake, come on, guys!
1631
01:13:07,640 --> 01:13:09,881
Come on!
All right.
1632
01:13:11,120 --> 01:13:14,841
Oh, my God! Wyatt,
get upstairs right now!
1633
01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:17,082
NED: They're cuddling!
The demon's gone!
1634
01:13:17,240 --> 01:13:20,164
I did it! This house is clean!
1635
01:13:20,320 --> 01:13:23,324
Look at his eyes! They're rolling
to the back of his head!
1636
01:13:23,640 --> 01:13:24,695
I think he's possessed.
1637
01:13:24,720 --> 01:13:26,760
That's the face that he makes
when he has an orgasm.
1638
01:13:26,800 --> 01:13:28,495
I think he's okay, you guys.
1639
01:13:28,520 --> 01:13:30,124
This is not over.
1640
01:13:30,280 --> 01:13:31,691
NED: Are you guys
watching this?
1641
01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:33,815
Yes, we're watching it, dummy!
1642
01:13:33,840 --> 01:13:35,763
I'm so intrigued by this.
1643
01:13:35,920 --> 01:13:40,005
MIGUEL: Oh, man! He's all twisted
up like a chocolate pretzel!
1644
01:13:40,160 --> 01:13:42,655
Such flexibility
and the dexterity!
1645
01:13:42,680 --> 01:13:45,081
Oh, my God. This is
making me queasy!
1646
01:13:45,240 --> 01:13:47,083
It's like he could
suck his own dick.
1647
01:13:47,200 --> 01:13:49,009
I don't wanna suck my...
Please help me!
1648
01:13:49,800 --> 01:13:51,848
If I could do that, I don't think
I'd ever talk to you again.
1649
01:13:52,000 --> 01:13:54,535
Stop it, you unholy demon!
1650
01:13:54,560 --> 01:13:58,201
Oh! Oh! That is greasy shit!
Probably Murray's.
1651
01:13:59,720 --> 01:14:01,400
The power of Christ compels you!
(SIZZLING)
1652
01:14:01,680 --> 01:14:04,047
(SCREAMS) It burn like bum piss!
1653
01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:05,695
That means it's working!
1654
01:14:05,720 --> 01:14:07,370
Pour the whole thing, like
I just won the Super Bowl!
1655
01:14:07,600 --> 01:14:08,655
Go!
Oh, my God.
1656
01:14:08,680 --> 01:14:09,975
MEGAN: Are you crazy?
1657
01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:11,889
(SCREAMING)
1658
01:14:12,600 --> 01:14:13,655
(GROWLS)
1659
01:14:13,680 --> 01:14:16,126
Is that all you got, bitch?
1660
01:14:18,200 --> 01:14:19,495
Oh!
1661
01:14:19,520 --> 01:14:20,931
(SCREAMING)
1662
01:14:22,760 --> 01:14:24,410
(ALL GRUNTING)
1663
01:14:32,040 --> 01:14:34,247
Wait, guys!
Stop! Everybody, stop!
1664
01:14:34,400 --> 01:14:36,004
Malcolm, are you okay?
1665
01:14:36,120 --> 01:14:37,724
No, I think I'm gonna be sick.
1666
01:14:37,880 --> 01:14:39,245
What?
Hold up.
1667
01:14:39,400 --> 01:14:42,085
NOREEN: Oh, God. Oh, God.
1668
01:14:42,720 --> 01:14:44,882
Oh, my God, I can't...
1669
01:14:45,240 --> 01:14:46,241
Oh.
1670
01:14:47,840 --> 01:14:49,569
Puking like a runway model.
1671
01:14:49,680 --> 01:14:52,047
I'm good. I'm good.
MEGAN: Are you done?
1672
01:14:52,200 --> 01:14:54,335
You're gonna want to
Febreze all of this.
1673
01:14:54,360 --> 01:14:56,408
You're gonna
wanna just clean this.
1674
01:14:56,760 --> 01:14:58,855
I feel so much better now.
1675
01:14:58,880 --> 01:14:59,961
Whoo!
1676
01:15:00,240 --> 01:15:01,241
ALL: Oh!
1677
01:15:02,400 --> 01:15:03,401
(PANTING)
(GLASS SHATTERS)
1678
01:15:03,760 --> 01:15:07,215
Can't be too sure. Oh, shit.
1679
01:15:07,240 --> 01:15:08,520
I gotta get the hell outta here.
1680
01:15:08,760 --> 01:15:10,775
Once they see a black
guy in a pool of blood,
1681
01:15:10,800 --> 01:15:12,086
you know who they're
gonna come after next.
1682
01:15:12,240 --> 01:15:14,288
I gotta go. Hey, watch out!
1683
01:15:14,440 --> 01:15:17,055
Now this place is clean.
1684
01:15:17,080 --> 01:15:18,360
It sounded
better when I said it.
1685
01:15:18,680 --> 01:15:20,375
Get the box.
1686
01:15:20,400 --> 01:15:21,735
Thank you guys so much.
1687
01:15:21,760 --> 01:15:23,361
No need to thank us.
We're happy to help.
1688
01:15:23,440 --> 01:15:24,930
Come on, Ned.
1689
01:15:25,120 --> 01:15:27,735
And we'll just take Abigail with
us as well, for safekeeping.
1690
01:15:27,760 --> 01:15:29,495
Yeah, I know what you plan
on doing with that doll.
1691
01:15:29,520 --> 01:15:32,295
What? No, I'm a professional.
She's a freak bitch.
1692
01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:33,615
Stop it.
Trust me.
1693
01:15:33,640 --> 01:15:36,120
Hey. How come Noreen ain't
pickin' up on the vibes?
1694
01:15:36,280 --> 01:15:37,775
You know how when you're
trying to last longer,
1695
01:15:37,800 --> 01:15:38,961
you think about baseball?
Mmm-hmm.
1696
01:15:39,120 --> 01:15:41,775
It's kind of like that.
Throws a haze in their head.
1697
01:15:41,800 --> 01:15:44,240
It's the only way to survive when
you're married to a psychic.
1698
01:15:44,280 --> 01:15:48,285
Come on, Ned. I know you're
thinking about fucking that doll.
1699
01:15:48,800 --> 01:15:50,245
Hey, hey, hey.
1700
01:15:54,120 --> 01:15:57,283
You've had enough.
Bye, doll.
1701
01:16:00,560 --> 01:16:01,615
(TELEVISION PLAYING)
1702
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:05,135
It's so nice being able to
just relax on the couch
1703
01:16:05,160 --> 01:16:07,447
and watch The Bachelorette.
Yeah.
1704
01:16:08,480 --> 01:16:09,481
(RUMBLING)
1705
01:16:09,640 --> 01:16:11,051
Huh?
1706
01:16:11,800 --> 01:16:13,290
(STAMMERS) You didn't hear that?
1707
01:16:13,400 --> 01:16:14,845
What?
(HINGES CREAKS)
1708
01:16:15,000 --> 01:16:18,846
My nigga senses is tinglin'.
It's like my Spidey senses.
1709
01:16:19,000 --> 01:16:22,004
Oh, would you hush?
It is fine!
1710
01:16:22,160 --> 01:16:25,164
My white senses say we're fine.
(LAUGHS)
1711
01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:27,527
Everything's okay.
It's over.
1712
01:16:27,840 --> 01:16:29,683
Okay? It's over.
1713
01:16:29,800 --> 01:16:31,643
Okay, okay. I'm trippin'.
That's right.
1714
01:16:33,640 --> 01:16:35,802
(SCREAMS) ...dead white bitch!
1715
01:16:44,280 --> 01:16:46,760
You already know how it's going
down, motherfuckers, all right?
1716
01:16:46,840 --> 01:16:48,922
I looked on my
Dora the Explorer app,
1717
01:16:49,040 --> 01:16:50,560
this the motherfuckin'
correct address.
1718
01:16:50,720 --> 01:16:53,690
This ain't a drive-by, homie, okay?
This a walk-in, homie.
1719
01:16:54,040 --> 01:16:56,327
So ain't no escape plan!
My cousin is in here, cuz!
1720
01:16:56,480 --> 01:16:58,209
Y'all ready?
1721
01:16:58,920 --> 01:17:03,369
Hey, yo, Malcolm! Whassup, my niggie?
I'm here, cuz!
1722
01:17:04,040 --> 01:17:05,041
RAY: Oh, shit!
1723
01:17:05,880 --> 01:17:08,360
(SHRILL VOICE) What the fuck are you
doin', man? I gotta run for it!
1724
01:17:08,560 --> 01:17:12,975
This is bullshit! Oh, my God!
I'm scared as fuck!
1725
01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:14,445
(SOBBING)
1726
01:17:15,200 --> 01:17:16,855
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1727
01:17:16,880 --> 01:17:20,680
I'm good, dog. Let me get my
motherfuckin' bearings together, homie.
1728
01:17:20,880 --> 01:17:22,245
(HUFFING)
1729
01:17:22,880 --> 01:17:24,882
(WHISPERS) All right,
let's go up in there, cuz.
1730
01:17:25,240 --> 01:17:27,208
It smell like dead ass,
1731
01:17:27,320 --> 01:17:29,243
baloney and sweat socks
up in there, homie.
1732
01:17:29,400 --> 01:17:31,448
It smell like Honey Boo
Boo's boo-boo, homie!
1733
01:17:31,600 --> 01:17:33,250
Malcolm?
1734
01:17:33,400 --> 01:17:35,448
Where you at, cuz?
1735
01:17:39,320 --> 01:17:40,924
Ain't nobody in here, cuz.
1736
01:17:41,080 --> 01:17:44,050
Oh, shit!
Megan got fucked up!
1737
01:17:44,200 --> 01:17:46,646
Head twisted all
backwards, niggie.
1738
01:17:47,000 --> 01:17:49,924
Now, upon further
examination, my niggie,
1739
01:17:50,080 --> 01:17:53,084
this white bitch smell like she
been dead about a week, maybe two.
1740
01:17:53,240 --> 01:17:56,608
I watch Dexter, niggie, CSI: New
York, Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta.
1741
01:17:56,920 --> 01:17:59,095
Don't nobody get killed on there,
but they need to, my nigga.
1742
01:17:59,120 --> 01:18:00,520
Stevie J.,
you know what I'm sayin'?
1743
01:18:00,560 --> 01:18:03,245
This bitch smell
like poverty, cuz!
1744
01:18:03,400 --> 01:18:06,449
Yah! Taekwondo! Oh, shit!
1745
01:18:06,920 --> 01:18:09,526
They done killed the little
mini white bitch, too, cuz!
1746
01:18:11,440 --> 01:18:14,284
Fuck happened down here, cuz?
1747
01:18:15,440 --> 01:18:16,726
Hello?
1748
01:18:18,800 --> 01:18:19,975
Hello?
1749
01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:22,685
Oh, shit! There's another
dead body, cuz.
1750
01:18:23,080 --> 01:18:26,607
Who the fuck is it, though, huh?
Who the fuck is it?
1751
01:18:27,120 --> 01:18:29,441
Oh, God, it's Malcolm!
1752
01:18:29,640 --> 01:18:31,961
(SOBBING) They done
kill my cuz, cuz!
1753
01:18:32,120 --> 01:18:34,487
It's like Boyz n the Hood, he's
supposed to go to college!
1754
01:18:34,640 --> 01:18:37,695
Why the fuck they let
Doughboy live and Ricky dead?
1755
01:18:37,720 --> 01:18:39,927
Doughboy was
the evil nigga, cuz!
1756
01:18:40,440 --> 01:18:41,441
Oh!
1757
01:18:41,560 --> 01:18:43,369
I can't believe this!
1758
01:18:43,480 --> 01:18:46,051
See if the nigga got
some money, though.
1759
01:18:46,440 --> 01:18:47,965
(SCREAMS)
1760
01:18:50,880 --> 01:18:51,935
(GROANS)
1761
01:18:51,960 --> 01:18:53,962
What you hit me for, brah?
1762
01:18:54,160 --> 01:18:56,640
You know better than to be
poppin' up on me like that, cuz!
1763
01:18:57,000 --> 01:18:59,162
You get knocked out every
motherfuckin' time, homie.
1764
01:18:59,320 --> 01:19:02,005
World star! World star!
1765
01:19:02,480 --> 01:19:03,720
MALCOLM: (GROANS)
You hit me with a brick!
1766
01:19:03,840 --> 01:19:05,455
Where's my family?
Are they okay?
1767
01:19:05,480 --> 01:19:06,935
Nigga, they dead as fuck!
1768
01:19:06,960 --> 01:19:08,775
All of them?
Even the little boy?
1769
01:19:08,800 --> 01:19:11,215
He's on the back of a motherfuckin'
milk carton, niggie!
1770
01:19:11,240 --> 01:19:13,402
Good. He may have lived.
1771
01:19:13,680 --> 01:19:15,011
(HOUSE CREAKING) Where's Kisha?
1772
01:19:15,160 --> 01:19:17,055
Nigga, I don't know where
the fuck Kisha is at, cuz!
1773
01:19:17,080 --> 01:19:19,815
Shh! Shh!
She did this shit!
1774
01:19:19,840 --> 01:19:20,895
Kisha did this shit?
1775
01:19:20,920 --> 01:19:22,251
The white girl's neck,
snapped it back.
1776
01:19:22,360 --> 01:19:23,655
Kisha did that shit?
1777
01:19:23,680 --> 01:19:25,495
Nigga, that bitch
is gangsta, cuz!
1778
01:19:25,520 --> 01:19:26,815
I need to jump
her in my shit, cuz!
1779
01:19:26,840 --> 01:19:29,200
Shh! I came down to the basement
on some creep shit, like...
1780
01:19:29,680 --> 01:19:32,365
I was just sittin' here waitin' for
this bitch, like, "Nigga, what?"
1781
01:19:32,520 --> 01:19:33,735
"Bitch, you want
some of this?"
1782
01:19:33,760 --> 01:19:35,335
So I'm gonna sit
here incog-negro
1783
01:19:35,360 --> 01:19:37,442
up under this blanket like,
nigga, like what.
1784
01:19:37,600 --> 01:19:40,524
Let my sneakers be all, so she
be like, "That nigga dead."
1785
01:19:40,680 --> 01:19:44,082
The throat, like, "Bitch,
you want some of this?"
1786
01:19:44,240 --> 01:19:48,040
You can't kill me! I'm like a roach!
I don't die, I multiply!
1787
01:19:48,200 --> 01:19:51,727
I got God on my side, bitch!
1788
01:19:52,040 --> 01:19:56,045
(SINGING) Twinkle, twinkle little star
1789
01:19:56,200 --> 01:19:58,202
She's right
behind me, isn't she?
1790
01:19:58,360 --> 01:20:01,409
How I wonder...
(ALL SCREAMING)
134790
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