Original subtitles

Catherine, you're a jug. Ooh! Emotionally, you're a receptacle that can get quite full. Right.

So just... be aware of your jug filling.

And let it go.

Let it go.

Come on, let it go.

Let it fly!

Let that rage fly!

That's it! Empty the jug!

Good going, goodie girl!

# Gonna take a lot to take me away from you

# There is nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do

# I bless the rains down in Africa

# It's gonna take some time to do the things we never had... #

HE GRUNTS

Thank you.

It was horrible, Jill. The fish was looking at me.

Oh, you think everybody fancies you, don't you, Linda?

- Not enough for you to sleep with my dead husband! - You have to have the underwater community after you too!

It was just the one dogfish. I think it was my nana, she always said she'd come back. How much did you get?

Twice in the front, once up the back... Money!

He put a trout up me. I waggled it round. I could feel its eyes... Linda!

You charged him �5 for two front bums and a back bum?!

I got a bit of cod off him an' all.

Oh!

Are we on the run, Jill? Yeah.

Like Bonnie and Tyler? Yeah.

I don't remember this scene. Where's Dennis?

Linda, something dreadful happened last night.

Dennis made a pass at me.

He tried to rape me up the anus.

He did do that sometimes.

- It's not right, Linda. - Thank you, Jill.

- Someone trying to force you to do something against your will - it's very wrong. - Sorry, Jill.

- That's why I had to abduct you. - Thank you.

Dennis will track me down, mind.

I gotta go back.

- Linda! - HORNS TOOT

- That man's done nothing but abuse you and bully you all your life! - Is that what you want?

- Um... - SHE GIGGLES

Don's just going off for a bit of, er...Don time,

so, er...

I thought I might maybe go...

sort of pop down to Mumbles for a decaff tea.

Just, I mean... It just occurred to me if you're not, er maybe...

You're very welcome to join me, or...

It's nice to keep a framework.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry, is that a...yes?

No. No, no.

OK. Lovely hair, by the way.

- Oh, right. Yes. - I had it changed a bit.

Just sort of sun-kissed, really.

Like your hair too.

Oh! What little there is.

Rather thin. Yeah, but...

it's long.

Er...well, I suppose what I lack in thickness I make up for in length.

Mm.

Oh! Thank you, Sandy.

Right, now...

Um...

- Oh, Dr Pinder! Mm? - THUD!

I just wanted to say how upbeat I'm feeling about my marriage with Jill.

Can't wait to plant some tiny bulbs!

You may know that with my late wife, Rachel, I was rather in her thrall.

I was in a netball team, actually.

She was the one that bullied me into the marriage. But with Jill,

there's a kind of gentleness that I like.

I think her moving down here is a sign of her commitment. Glen, I do need to ask you something. Mm?

Are you still being sodomised by Sandy in the showers?

Well, touch wood, he's moved on to that new chap, Beverley.

So the last couple of ablutions have been mercifully peaceful.

# Don't push too far

# Your dreams are china in your hand... #

It stinks here, Linda. Are you sure he took that trout out?

I dunno.

Linda, I can see the tail!

It's massive!

I think it's a tuna!

See if she's breathing, Linda.

I can't tell, Jill.

No, that's you, Linda. I'm breathing. She's black, Linda.

Pass me her handbag.

- Just roll her in the back. - Don't make a meal of it.

She's quite heavy, Jill.

I don't think she'll fit in the back.

Just fold her in half, please, Linda. Hurry up.

Qualities Cath admires.

Um...

I like...

openness.

Is Don open? No. No.

Very secretive.

That's how he...had the affairs.

Ah...

Yeah, um...

I sometimes...

oh, I sometimes feel as though I settled for Don.

Mm. I just think maybe I thought...

nobody else was gonna want me.

It's good to trust your feelings.

Right, yeah.

Does that mean that, um...

nobody else WOULD want me?!

Let's just sit with that possibility.

HE BREATHES IN

# Come a little closer, over here

# Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharona

# Keep a little mystery, kissin' me

# Runnin' down the length of my thigh, Sharona

# Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind... #

She's got some Frazzles, Jill. I do love Frazzles.

Don't eat them, Linda. They're probably laced with cannabis.

- Perfume. What is it? - SQUIRT!

Thank you.

She's got a letter, Jill.

"The..." Well done.

"..Trees."

Loving ourselves, Catherine, is the first port of call

in healing that weepy toddler.

Did you try the self-loving?

I did...

I did try it,

but...I just couldn't do it on the beach.

I was so worried about somebody seeing me, I just...

Sorry.

Did you use the mirror?

No-o! Um...

I did catch sight of myself in the television,

which was, um, valuable.

Sometimes,

just stroking ourselves in our soft places is a real start.

Mm.

Would you like to, um...?

YOUR arm.

Oh! Yes!

Stupid!

Mm, yeah.

It's...yeah.

- Right, then, Linda. - I just need you to get rid of my run-over lady, please.

But shouldn't we call the police?

Certainly, if you're happy to turn yourself in as a murderess.

But I wasn't driving, Jill.

Oh, very nice, too, Linda

- Just because I'm the one that knocked you down, I get the blame? - Thank you.

HE SINGS

# ..And the sky is blue... #

Hello, Sandy.

- Nearly finished in here. - I think Beverley was gonna pop in the shower after me.

I've already seen Beverley.

Oh.

# Whoopee-diddly, doopee-doo! #

SHE STARTS THE ENGINE

Hi, Cath!

Look, I'm tearful!

You let it out, Cath.

I just, um...

I don't know.

I just never really thought I was going to see you again.

How could you?

Oh!

Don't get me going.

Can I just say, Cath, straight off...

..I'm sorry.

Thank you, Jill.

Do you wanna say sorry to me, Cath?

Jill, why are you here?

Let's be best friends again, Cath.

Listen, pressie.

Oh, thank you very much.

Frazzles?

Oh, right.

- I'm still vegetarian, I'm afraid. - Oh, dear. Sorry for breathing!

Gosh, what's this?

It's make-up, Cath.

"Black skin"?

I thought, you being by the sea, you know, looking quite leathery.

Well, thank you. If you don't like them... No, that's really...

Thank you. They're very expensive.

Really pricey, those two.

I would like you to have them, Cathy...on the house...non grata.

- "- Thank you, Jill." Yeah, thank you. - Thank you, Jill.

So...how did you know where...I was?

Message from him upstairs! Gosh!

Via Sue. Oh, right. Yes.

Little bit naughty of Sue, really!

I did actually...

ask her not to...

not to give out my address.

I never trusted Sue, Cath.

Not with nipples that size.

Why don't you hit me, Cath?

I know you want to.

Jill, I...I can't. Go on, Cath.

Cathy, just punch me.

A couple of little slaps.

Oh!

Yes.

With everything that happened-

or didn't - between you and Don...

Cathy, what I did to you...

I should have been electrocuted.

- Oh, God, that's going a bit far! - No, I'm sorry.

I'm a born-again Christian, Cath. If I wasn't, I would have killed myself. I'm sorry, Cathy.

- Jill, I don't want you dead! - Well, Cathy...

I cannot see how I can possibly make it up to you.

I don't know how to prove to you that I have really, really,

really, really, really, really,

really, really changed as a person.

Don...living with you and...?

We're, um...

we're working on it. Um, you know, it's work in progress.

We've got a...a super therapist.

- He's Jacques Dupont. - He's...of French origin.

And, uh...and, um...

..things...things are fine.

JILL MAKES STRANGE NOISE IN THROAT

Oooh-oh.

Wo-wo-oh.

SHE MAKES GARGLING NOISES

Just speaking in tongues, Cath, I won't be long. Right-ho.

SHE RESUMES GARGLING NOISES

Wadala vooloo. Wav.

W-w-wavaly wil.

That's better.

All done!

Thank you. I'll get this, Cath.

Yeah, I'll be gettin' this.

- Nice to treat you. Thank you. - Least I can do.

Right...

Right...

I'm not being funny, Cathy, you had a tea, didn't you? Yeah. OK.

Um, I'm happy to stump up for the tea, Cathy,

as a sort of "Hello again, Cath" pressie, OK?

But perhaps you're taking the mickey a little bit with the bun?

Jill, I'm really happy to... Let's not make a scene, please, Cath.

OK. Lovely...

My friend does have something to say about your bun.

- Uh, no, it was fine, thank you. - It was mouldy.

She has a terminal illness. That bun could tip her over. Honestly, it was absolutely fine.

I've only got MS, I'm not dying!

Just knock the bun off the bill, please, and we won't have to take this outside.

What was wrong with it? It's mouldy.

You can see all the bits where you've blown your nose in it.

I think that's the blueberries?

Somebody's wiped their bottom on there.

Jill...

It's fine, really.

OK.

Jill, I really can't...

have you back in my life at the moment.

I don't know where you get off, Cath.

I'm just trying to be assertive, Jill.

Sorry.

That therapy's turned you into a monster!

I've got to go.

Bye!

Bye, monster.

- Excuse me. - Here to see Jacques Dupont.

Right... Jacques...

Oh, he's actually doing a Battered Women Workout right now, and then he's interviewing, so...

- Yeah, that's me he's interviewing. - Oh, right. OK...

So you're Floella Umbogabe?

- Yes, thank you. Right. - I thought you were going to be...

Black? That is so racist.

No - late. That is so racist.

Well, no, it's just that you phoned to say you might be late because of problems with your car.

Oh, so because I'm black I can't drive? No...

No, it's just that you called to say you'd be late because your car was playing up.

And so now that I'm here on time, must my whole race be damned for running faster?

I'm sorry! Um...

is this your photo, Mrs...Umbogabe?

Yeah, I'd just been on holiday, there. Right.

I AM black. OK. OK?

We've had some dreadful summers.

I won't report you for being racist.

- I'm fully blown... - as a psychotherapist,

- and this is my assistant, Linda. - Hi, I'm Linda.

OK, I'll tell you a little bit about us guys here at The Trees.

We like to mix our therapies here, we're quite eclectic... Oh, dear.

..in our approach. We like to combine Freud, Gestalt, Jung...

I'll do young or elderly, Jacques,

but I won't touch children.

OK. So, um...

..Floella. Call me Flo.

Got your CV here.

I see you've trained in traditional African medicine.

OK. Where was that?

Obviously, I did my stint in the Black Country. In the Midlands?

Jungle. She was born up a tree.

Wow!

Well, I guess those women are pretty tough! Mm, Mum was tough.

Right, OK... Well, I mean, we tend to respond more to the individual here,

to the energy rather than to the pieces of paper.

Well, I've got loads of energy, Jacques. I'm always tired, I am.

One of the ways we like to work here is on a more spiritual plane,

calling on angels etc to assist us in our healing.

Have you experienced any other entities around while you've been working?

Linda? Hm, I'm talking about angels.

I just wondered if...you'd be prepared...to work with angels.

Absolutely, but, I mean, would they take part in my thing?

Not physically. I mean, you've either experienced angels or you haven't.

- No, I do. I'm with you, Jacques. - I do have a key angel, Roy,

um, who does the bulk of my work

and a little bit of shopping.

- And a couple of... - cherubims and serabims

- who pop in, you know, as and when. - So...

OK.

You come together as a team.

Linda...

what do you think you can bring to The Trees as a therapist?

Sandwiches.

Plus, I've had a terrible life.

I've been abused.

OK, acknowledge that, but are you aware of the role that YOU'VE played in that?

- This is what I say to her, Jacques. - She's asking for it.

I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong, really,

- with a man hitting a woman. - Not that Terry ever did, but then I didn't provoke.

I don't provoke. Some people provoke, Linda, just by being there.

- There are times when I want to strike you, particularly at the moment. - Thank you.

OK! There's room for fun, uh, sure.

We've all got a clown inside us sometimes.

I've never done it with a clown.

I 'ave.

# I was walkin' in the park... #

Don? ..Don?

# ..When I heard the sprinklers whisper

# Shimmer in the haze of summer lawns

# Then I heard the children singing

# They were running through the rainbows

# They were singing a song for you

# Well, it seemed to be a song for you... #

Oh, hello, Jean!

# ..Lavender's blue, Dilly Dilly

# Lavender's green

# When I am king, Dilly Dilly

# You will be queen

# A penny for your thoughts, my dear

# A penny for your thoughts, my dear

# IOU for your love

# For your love

# For your love

# For your love... #