Original subtitles

♪

♪ I have no heroes

♪ I'm just having fun

♪ I don't remember the Beatles

♪ I don't like the sounds

♪ You saw them live in the 60s ♪

♪ Dying in the 70s

♪ But we're living in the 80s ♪

♪ Turn on the radio

♪ And all you hear is the Beatles ♪

♪ I don't want to hear anything more about ♪

♪ Mick Jagger's old bones

♪ You saw them live in the 60s ♪

♪ Dying in the 70s

♪ But we're living in the 80s ♪

♪ Living in the 80s!

[Same song playing on ghetto blaster]

I don't know how you do it, man.

Your taste buds must be permanently damaged.

This reminds me.

[Fast punk rock music]

Wait, what is this? Black flag.

I know it's Black Flag. It's "Sixpack".

This is not the "Damage" version.

Yes, it's their live album.

I don't think you have, though.

I'll copy it for you if you want.

Well, look at you.

What?

It's a live album. Will you copy it for me?

Yes. What's wrong with that?

Nothing, man. I don't know.

It is funny. Like, when we met

you were all "Hotel California" and shit.

I was not. Yes a little.

No. A little.

Hey, losers.

What's up, ladies?

What did you say, underwear?

This table is for seniors.

We are elderly.

It's for seniors who aren't you.

What the fuck are you listening to?

It's called music.

You could have fooled me, smart girl. Do yourself a favor

and put on some Skynyrd. You might learn something.

Like what? How to die in a plane crash?

[laughing]

[sniffling]

I'm sorry, man.

[snorting]

[laughing]

You know what?

What?

We need to start a band.

[Laughing]

♪

♪ I was born, born, born to run

♪ Some say my manners aren't the best ♪

♪ Some of my friends admit that I'm a lot of trouble ♪

♪ Some say I'm no better than the rest ♪

♪ But tell your mommy and daddy ♪

♪ Sometimes good guys don't wear white ♪

♪ They don't wear white

♪ They don't wear white

♪ They don't wear white

♪ They don't wear white

1-2-3-4!

♪ I threw up on that girl you just met ♪

♪ Look at these colorful stains on the carpet ♪

♪ Someone's mother must be upset ♪

♪ Free alcohol, the best alcohol ♪

♪ Watch out, here comes the barn and the elephants ♪

♪ Some drunk guy

♪ Party at

♪ A drunk guy

♪ More beer

♪ A drunk guy

♪ Let's go

♪ Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes ♪

♪ Pass the--

What the hell are you doing, Kyle?

I'm done with this shit.

What the fuck are you talking about?

It's 1986.

Nobody goes to skating rinks anymore.

Well, of course you do, Kyle.

Look, a show is a show.

KYLE: This isn't a show. It's a shame.

Huh.

We're not even real punks.

Kyle.

Kyle has always been lame as fuck.

Too bad!

[Indistinct fast-paced punk rock music]

♪

♪ Hey, what can be on the big white screen? ♪

♪ Hey, how can you see that you're living in 3D? ♪

♪

This is a song, man.

That must be us.

It will never be us.

Come on, why not?

First of all, Bad Brains are black.

Secondly, we can't keep a band together.

Dude, relax. We'll find a new drummer.

This is easier said than done.

Whatever it is. To drink.

Let's go see a band at the student union.

Do you have a union?

No, center. Whatever it is.

Man, it's my only night off this week.

I thought we were going to get stoned and watch Spinal Tap.

♪ You touch the orb

♪ Feel your power

♪ For tonight we ride

♪ For tonight we're going to ride!

♪ Just ride your steed, it's a time of glory ♪

♪ Lower your bows with lightning power! ♪

♪ Duty!

♪ Do your duty

This vocalist is killing me.

♪ ...night, good night, my love ♪

♪ Duty!

OK. I don't think I can take much more of this.

Can we go downtown and catch a real band, please?

♪

[Breaking onto the ground]

To hold on. Hey.

Yes, it's more like that.

What--

[Speaking indistinctly]

Guys!

[Waiting on guitar]

♪

[Singer screaming]

♪

This is pathetic!

We are Sages and Swords.

Swords and Sages.

Whatever it is.

[Applause] Thank you. Goodnight.

God, that was incredible!

It's not just the mescaline talking.

Did you take mescaline? Yes you too.

I shot you at the bar. It should take effect. Let's go.

I mean how are we going to get anywhere as a band

if you can't act professionally on stage?

You can't just do whatever you want out there.

I mean, this is rock 'n' roll!

There are rules, man! And don't drink anymore.

Lance and I play better when we drink.

This takes away the limit.

If you hate this band so much, why are you in it?

Because we responded to your ad in the newspaper.

And you begged and cried when we mocked your DandD trick.

I don't remember it that way.

Don't you remember your wife threatening us

with a wizard spell?

You know what? I'm glad it happened.

Now the true colors finally appear. You pushed me into this.

Okay fine. Good luck

find a front man with so much passion,

vision and charisma like me.

You know, I think if we search Middle Earth long enough,

we may just find one.

Sharon, we ride!

I think the mescaline is working.

Great show, guys.

Okay, right.

No, it's serious.

Have you ever thought about joining a real band?

What real band?

Our real band.

No no no.

Not these guys.

They're all heavy metal and shit.

[Snorting] Whatever, man.

Sorry. Everything is fine.

Why don't you just leave the team

and the sound styles for me, ok?

I can mold these guys into our sound.

Do they know we're like, right in front of them?

Who the hell are you?

We don't even know you!

Look, this is Dave.

he is the best bass player

throughout the tricounty universe.

Thanks.

This is Brian. He's out of his mind.

BRIAN: Look, I know this is going to sound crazy, okay?

But after you lost... Gandalf... in the bass,

I had a vision of a band that we were all in.

It's not metal, it's not really punk.

And you know what, it doesn't suck.

So, are you guys on drugs or something?

No, we are not.

You have more?

Yes.

MAN ON LIVE: Greg, sometimes I wonder if you care about Sweet Peters.

What do you mean? I line up your shows.

I make sure you get paid on time.

I make travel arrangements for your tours.

I take care of advertising, everything.

And why thanks?

50%.

Don't I always come for you?

Do you really want me to answer this?

Come on, dear Peter.

Listen, Greg.

We are considering a new direction for the band.

This is exciting. Let's do it!

[Ring] Hello?

Peter?

[Machine Beep]

Yes, Mr. Dixon.

MAN: Greg, hurry up and get in here!

They are running our ads again!

Yes, Mr. Dixon.

[Sighing]

Let's face it, folks. It's all about the bottom line,

and the bottom line of Furniture Town World is,

let's reduce these higher prices,

to the floor!

Slamdini, enter here

and show these good people what I'm talking about.

[Grunting and roaring]

[Yelling]

[guffaws]

1, 2, 3.

High prices, you're out of here!

This is the best we've ever done.

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt...gun

♪ Aren't you a man?

♪ Don't you have a plan?

♪ Oh, you should be all you can be ♪

♪ Oh, society

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt...gun

♪ Can't take a break

♪ It should be an easy train

♪ Oh, you should be all you can be ♪

♪ Oh, society

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt...gun

♪

♪ Ha ha!

♪ Well

♪ Ha ha!

♪ So slow

♪ Remember how hard?

♪ Remember how long?

♪ Remember how hard?

♪ Remember how long?

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt gun

♪ Squirt gun!

We actually sound like a halfway decent band.

We do?

He's right. We've never sounded so good.

[Laughs] Scary thought.

One thing is for sure, we sound loud.

Yeah. I kind of hope the neighbors don't call the police.

I have some priors, shoplifting and whatnot.

They never called the police. They won't start now.

They must be deaf.

They are smoking crack, 24/7.

It's like Nancy Reagan's worst nightmare over there.

[Laughing]

So aren't you happy to come live with us?

Hey dude.

We just started dating.

I'm not sure if Lance and I

are ready to move yet.

Right Lance?

This will be great.

This place is real shit.

But I guess it's better than living at home, right, Lance?

Yes.

My parents didn't believe me when I left.

They started to applaud.

DAVE: It seems like a million years ago when I left home.

My mother cried.

BRIAN: That was a year ago.

The only reason your mother cried is because you told her

you were called up and were going to Granada.

[Laughing]

That the US invaded when we were in 11th grade, by the way.

DAVE: Well, that's the best excuse I could come up with.

Couldn't tell my mom I was going to junior college

to join a band.

Yes, God forbid you follow your dreams, right?

Well, I'm going.

So let's talk about this exciting new direction.

I think it's great, by the way.

SWEET PETER: Well, yes. Yes, it's very good, Greg.

For us, at least.

Because, you see, the fact is,

us as a band

went above and beyond for you as a manager.

Are you firing me?

Why?

Excuse me, can I take another photo, please?

It's because of Omaha, isn't it?

I thought we were past that, folks.

You take 50%.

We can renegotiate.

Look, Greg,

maybe you should focus on selling furniture.

Are you good at it.

Thanks for the drinks.

Sweet Peter.

Sweet Peters, don't go.

Sweet Peters?

Uncle Sam Dixon here, just reminding you

about all the money you can save

at Furniture Town World

and our new location on Poplar Avenue.

Let's face it, folks. It's all about the bottom line.

Furniture Town World's bottom line is,

let's reduce these higher prices,

to the floor!

Slamdini, come in here and show these good people

what am I talking about.

[Slamdini roaring]

♪ How do you know it's going to be bad? ♪

♪ How do you know it's good, don't you? ♪

♪ How do you know?

I like the record bar better.

There's a lot more metal there, for sure.

Yes.

Yes, let's go to the mall.

I want one of those giant chocolate chip cookies.

What do they call these things?

Giant chocolate chip cookies, Lance.

Oh.

What do you really need...

It’s a musical education.

Oh God.

What, from you?

Right, because you guys missed out on a lot of good music, man.

Yeah, like what? Shut up, Lance.

Are you kidding me, Brian?

I'm afraid not.

I'm in a band with you. I live with you.

That's as far as I'll go.

If I wanted to stay at school,

I wouldn't have given up in the first place.

LANCE: You got the diva of your dreams. That counts for something.

It's okay, Billy. So don't expect to fully understand where

I'm a songwriter if you won't listen.

I am not going. And I'm okay with that.

All is well then. Adapt yourself.

What you need is a big, fat dose of this.

Classic.

Brian, it's on me.

In fact, all of this is in me.

What are you doing?

Shopping.

[Cough]

BILY: Are you okay? You need to get some air.

He's going to vomit. Go out. Go out.

He's going to vomit.

What the hell is that?

Excellent.

♪[Laughs]

Fuck yes.

♪

Last.

♪

[Last chord continuing]

♪

Cool.

I thought you were working late, honey.

It's a bookstore, man. Nine o'clock is late.

Did you guys practice for the show or what?

Show? What show?

The show I got for you guys on Friday.

No way.

[laughing]

That is great. Where?

PandS.

It's in the Park.

I've never heard of that.

Yeah, me neither. I didn't even know there were shows there.

It's new? No, it's an old place

but they finally started to have bands playing there.

OK.

Wow. We don't even have a name yet.

Yes. And you know what, I almost forgot.

Thanks for reminding me.

The weird.

Strangers?

No, "strange", singular.

Hm. What do you mean by "Hmm"?

The Stranger by Albert Camus.

Man, that's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard.

BRIAN: Come on.

Is that like, the name of a book or something?

Yes. Brian's favorite book.

Guys, it's also the name of a fucking Billy Joel album.

[Laughing]

You.

Sorry Brian.

Okay fine. Well then,

How about just being The Stranger? We got rid of the "r". Nor.

This is even worse. Horrible.

David.

No way. Sucks.

Fuck you!

Screw this.

Fuck, fuck.

And that.

What?

The fingers.

David.

You are a creative genius.

It is not bad.

Oh my God.

I told him how to spell The Fingers, man.

DAVE: You know, and I thought there weren't any places

on this side of town.

At least we get free pizza?

Brian, is there free pizza?

You know what, you're playing music for music fans

so technically we are in a club.

Hello.

We are the Fingers.

♪

♪ If God cared about you

♪ Would you see yourself as the kitten you are ♪

♪ If God cared about you

♪ You'd burn down your house in the suburbs if God cared about you ♪

♪ Your brim would be a closed hole, if God cared about you ♪

♪ He sucked you and made you pay ♪

♪ God doesn't care, God doesn't care ♪

♪ God doesn't care, God doesn't care ♪

♪ God doesn't care about you

♪ If God cared about you

♪ He would put his soul and the body of a worm ♪

♪ If God cared about you

♪ He would wipe that smile off your face ♪

♪ If God cared about you

♪ He would break your city and kill your children ♪

♪ If God cared about you

♪ He'd put you on a plane to hell ♪

♪ But God doesn't care, God doesn't care ♪

♪ God doesn't care, God doesn't care ♪

♪ God doesn't care about you

♪ Satan doesn't want you either ♪

♪

♪ God doesn't care, God doesn't care ♪

♪ God doesn't care, God doesn't care ♪

♪ God doesn't care about you

♪ But God doesn't care, God doesn't care ♪

♪ God doesn't care, God doesn't care ♪

♪ God doesn't care about you

♪ Hallelujah

[Final chord sound]

At least the pizza isn't bad.

I've seen worse.

1982.

Detroit, Michigan. The K-Star Lounge.

The lights dim and fog fills the room.

Spotlights illuminate the lead guitarist

Guy Delrado--

Unfortunately, illuminating the precise moment

that the two black Marlies he caught an hour earlier

start to melt your brain.

The guy pisses himself and shorts the guitar.

On stage, the amplifier explodes, catching fire.

Three roadies and a fan succumb to smoke inhalation.

Chaos reigns.

It was their first show.

And it should have been the last one, but they kept playing.

They ever.

Who were they?

Darker magnet.

Who?

You know, Darkest Magnet.

[Imitating guitar]

Who the hell are they?

They're just the biggest band that--

Never mind. Anyway, I'm Greg, Greg Glaverman.

I manage and promote bands.

It says here you sell furniture, Greg.

It's an old card.

The new ones will say both.

I know you man, you're that guy

who is always getting beat up in those TV commercials!

[Laughing]

Anyway, did you record a demo?

Is there something I can listen to?

I have a cassette player in my car. I can just put it on.

BRIAN: Are you serious?

What is Slamdini like in real life?

GREG: He's really cool.

We didn't really talk much.

I'm serious about the demo.

All bands should have one before playing live.

Don't you know anything about the music world?

Yes.No.

OK. Look, man. Do you want something from us or what?

Yes. I want you to let me help you.

I really like your music, believe it or not.

And I think I can help you find more people like me

who want to hear you play.

You can do it?

Can you make us money?

It is clear. That's what i do.

I manage and promote bands.

♪ I'm proud of the things I've done ♪

♪ Because I don't have to try to be someone ♪

♪ I could tell

♪ That I've done this before ♪

♪

These guys are good.

BILLY: They're not that bad.

See, I told you, man. I won't steer you wrong.

And you know what, this is actually their old stuff.

They're on a major label now with their precious Van Halen.

By the way,

I want to hear "Hot for Teacher" again next.

Jesus Christ. That's three times, man.

Yes, and that's a good start.

The spandex boys.

Hey, you chose us.

It's not the other way around.

You know what, sometimes I can't believe it

that I'm sacrificing everything to lead this band.

What do you mean by sacrificing everything?

BRIAN: Let's just say you guys

They are not the only non-students in the group.

Did you give up?

Incredible!

No, I didn't give up, okay?

I'm just taking a break from the gym.

And I'm going to focus on The Stranger, man.

The fucking-- The Fingers, sorry.

I'll focus on The Fingers.

Well, at least we have a manager

that might get us some real gigs.

I don't know how much we can count on that guy.

Good news!

Actually yes.

Two good news to report, gentlemen.

What, Greg? Do you sell a sofa bed?

No.LANCE: Two sofa beds.

Very funny, but I sold a dinner set

to this really cool couple--

What's the good news, Greg?

I booked a show for you this weekend, a real show.

No more all-you-can-eat pizza dips.

It's at the bottom of a four-band note

but it's a good start.

Yes where?

The Antena Club.

Wow.

Shit.

Secondly, I got a contract for studio recording time.

Now, before you get too nervous, I just want you to know,

you kind of get what you pay for in this town.

Does this mean our demos will sound like crap?

Have you recorded before?

At the.

Well, then you won't even know the difference.

MAN: Groceries don't buy themselves, right?

WOMAN: I understand that and that's why you should be a famous rock star

so far, which obviously isn't happening

considering you are a security guard.

I don't want to... Tell your friends.

Okay, man. Alright, cool.

It's a punk rock show. It's a complete waste of time.

Hi. Little show going on. Tell this to your friends.

Baby, let's go. I am hungry!

Fingers. New band on the rise.

Can we talk about this, honey?

SHARON: No.

♪

♪

♪ Well you can be a hero

♪ It's not zero rock 'n' roll

♪ Well, you don't need a hit song ♪

♪ If you don't want to live long ♪

♪ You said you want to do this ♪

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ If you want to progress in life ♪

♪ Better hurry up and flatline ♪

♪ If you want a real band ♪

♪ Better get yourself a toe tag ♪

♪ Because anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

[Crowd applauding]

♪

Wow!

♪ You don't need a sound check ♪

♪ You just need a car accident

♪ No, you don't need a melody

♪ You only need one OD

♪ Because anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Because anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

[Crowd applauding]

Thanks.

Thanks! Good morning! We are the Fingers!

What the fuck was that?

Oh my God, we really sound like a band

I would like to go and see.

Let's get drunk.

Done. Ready ready. Hi, two beers please.

Did you girls like the show?

What program?

Was there a show?

Comedian.

comedian.

I was going to say that.

Anyway, I'm Brian.

This is Dave.

And so?

What my friend means is,

I'm Simone and this is my friend Vicky.

So, Vicki.Simone.

Simone.

Vicky.

What? Who are you?

[Laughter]

Okay, Dave. Do you want to help me here?

Dude, this is Vicky and this is Simone.

VICKY: Dave, can you walk me to my car?

I have to make it an early night

and Simone would be alone with Brian.

She makes?

Yes.

You are a badass.

He is?

Let's go.

So you liked the show.

Yes.

Yes I liked.

You have a certain...

I do not know what.

Me or the band?

Both.

♪

So I say, "Captain Beefheart?

"Don, what kind of name is Captain Beefheart?"

Oh, look at Brian!

He's going to town!

Wow!

Hey, wait a minute. I know that girl.

You do?

Hell, she's like punk-rock royalty.

So how do you know her?

Well, her boyfriend is Myles Munroe.

I'm thinking maybe they broke up.

Who the hell is Myles Munroe?

He founded Myles per Hour Records.

Myles for timestamps,

one of the best indies in the country?

It's here in the city.

It's a label you want to be on.

Warner Bros. It's a label I want to be on with Van Halen.

Yeah, and I don't know, Dusker Hu.

Okay, well, it's a label that Brian and Dave want to be on.

Well, I feel like a teenager sitting here.

Does that mean you're not a teenager?

Wow, am I really that immature?

[Laughs] Not really.

I want to say no.

Anyway, you sing like an old soul,

whatever that means.

[laughing]

Yeah, well, you should see me when I'm sober.

I would like that.

Hell, I should see myself when I'm sober.

[Laughing]

So what's law school like?

I couldn't even last until community college.

I don't know.

Difficult, kind of boring.

I don't even know how I ended up there.

I think I'm doing this to please my parents more than anything.

Serious?

God, I stopped doing that a long time ago.

I think I was in third grade.

Well, at least you're living an authentic life.

Yes?

Well, if by authentic you mean playing in a shitty band

No money, so yeah, I think it's authentic.

You'll be fine.

I know these things.

And you are very good.

Then I should probably go home.

I actually have to study tonight, believe it or not.

Do you need a ride?

What, you want to take me home?

Well, yes.

I want to say no.

I'm too drunk to drive.

I would probably kill us in an accident and that would suck.

[Laughing]

You are very cute.

You know that, right?

So, oh...

our manager, if that's what you can call him,

he thinks he can get us a recording contract.

Serious? That is great.

A small one, anyway.

Well, if you need any advice about contracts,

I'm actually pretty good at this kind of thing.

Thanks. I don't think it will come to that, but...

I don't know.

If your friend Brian plays his cards right,

It could happen sooner than you think.

I hope Brian is using a condom.

Guys, if there's one thing I learned,

is that chlamydia is not a flower.

It's a cotton swab the size of a majorette's baton

stuck in your urethra.

Greg, we're guys.

We don't have a urethra, we have a dick.

And the only reason I'm in this band is for the girls.

LANCE: Yes.

If I didn't want to meet girls, I would sell furniture.

WOMAN: Hey, guys.

Sorry to interrupt sex education class

but I wanted you to know that I really liked your sound.

Really, did you?

Yes, I certainly did.

You know the type, we suck.

Yes, but in a good way.

Anyway, my name is Wendy Horowitz and...

Guys, let me handle this.

Wendy, I'm Greg Glaverman. I represent--

So what's your story? You guys are locals, right?

In fact.

Look, Wendy, we appreciate our fans

but we're trying to conduct some business here,

then you'll have to forgive us.

Hope to see you at the next show, though.

Okay Greg. Well here's my card,

and let me know next time you guys play.

Thank you Wendy.

Be sure to tell your friends about The Fingers.

WENDY: I will.

Damn, Greg.

She was nice.

Greg, we don't need your help not to have sex.

What the hell is that?

This is a computer. What does it look like?

I know it's a computer.

I went to college, you know.

Yes, for a while you did.

Whatever it is.

Where the hell did you steal it, man?

I know you're not pulling in that kind of money.

Dude, I didn't steal it, okay?

The neighbors did.

I mean, they are a little uptight, but you can't beat their prices.

[Strumming guitar strings]

So, what are you doing?

Just...

I'm writing a song.

Since when do you write songs?

Since always.

OK? Just don't give it too much importance.

By the way, we've played my songs before.

I know.

I always thought they were Jackson Browne covers.

Okay, fuck it. Skirt.

Please close the door.

I am going to take a bath.

So, any idea where Dave is?

The clock is ticking.

Well, you know what I mean. It's costing us money.

It's okay, man. He will be here. Don't worry about that.

I get paid to worry about this.

This is what I do.

That and selling office furniture.

I heard that, Billy.

Anyhoo, so we all agree on what three songs should be?

"Every Little Thing Goes Wrong", "Squirt Gun"

and "Anyone can do it"? Cold?

Yeah, I mean, whatever.

I still think we should put "Crab Salad" in there.

Crab Salad isn't a song, Lance; It's an inside joke.

Hey, "Stairway to Heaven" was an inside joke.

Glad you joined us.

Where the hell have you been?

Where does it look like I've been, Greg?

I don't know, do you think I wear this shirt

to get girls or what?

I don't know. Dave, always show up

to the studio on time. It's Recording 101.

I don't think I've ever taken this class.

Yes?

Well, school is officially open.

Got you? Go, Greg.

[Laughing]

[Singing listlessly:] ♪ Baby, baby, I love you with all my will ♪

♪ I have to give it to you with the intent to kill ♪

♪ My, my

♪ Well, anytime we sing our song ♪

♪ Everything goes wrong

♪ Clank, clank, clank--

Okay, you know what, stop, stop.

What's going on man?

Do you need a smoke break? Want to take a look at the lyrics?

It's your song, man. Only--

One little thing isn't working for me:

It's the letter.

That's because you're not singing right.

Because you're not a serious composer.

[Sighing]

And you are?

Yes. You're right, I am.

This is so fucking typical, you know?

What is so typical?

Look, we have three songs to impress

and I want to make sure we pick the right three.

Okay, you know what?

I had an idea. How about now?

Lance and Billy and me,

let's take off and then you can record a solo album

on a 12-string acoustic. What about this?

[Laughing]

OK. A], I can't afford a 12-string acoustic

and B], why don't you relax, Dave?

Guys, guys. Enough, okay? Once we finish this demo,

we can send it to record companies

and we can buy a 36-string guitar.

All good? We need to finish these tracks.

LANCE: Come on, guys.

Let's just set the songs we decided on, shall we?

Brian, "Every Little Thing" is a great song

even if you didn't write it.

And as much as I hate to admit

that I like any of the songs we play, Brian,

This is so fucking good.

That's fucked-- whatever.

Let's do it again.

♪ On the Back of a Weed Horse

♪ Through the sky, pearly gray

♪ Love is like a leaf

Go! Go! Go.

♪ You and me, love

♪ Shine, shine

[Cough]

[Stops the music]

Hey Hey hey.

What are you doing?

Guys, I have a confession to make.

Do you have herpes?

I don't have herpes.

You are sick, all of you.

Why do I stay here?

Anyway,

I did something really sneaky

and I gave your demo tape to my old boyfriend.

So, who the hell is your old boyfriend?

If that's what I think she's talking about,

then it would be Myles Munroe.

Wait what?

Myles Munroe, like, guitarist for The Despots.

Myles Munroe.

Myles Hourly Records, Myles Munroe.

That would be it.

Why the hell didn't you tell me you dated this guy?

Actually, Brian, there are probably a lot of things

that this girl didn't tell you.

SIMONE: Okay, I knew you would be angry

so I went ahead and did it.

Wait wait. Why would Brian be mad?

Look, because you stole.

I didn't steal, Brian. I borrowed.

And I wouldn't have even mentioned it--

If you hadn't been caught red-handed.

You didn't catch her, she's confessing.

Yeah, well, hey, guess what, Lance?

That's not her job. It's Greg's.

Well, why don't we ask Greg if everything's okay?

Ah-ah-- wait a second.

He's at work, begging someone to buy a used desk lamp, remember?

At least he's not a thief.

Well actually he is because I saw him take 20 bucks

from his wallet the other day.

[Laughs] That's amazing.

In fact, he paid me 10 dollars not to tell anyone.

[Laughing]

Jesus. The thing is, Myles loved his demo.

[Everyone exclaiming] Holy shit, are you serious?

Hey, guys.

That is great!

SIMONE: I'm serious!

What's all the fuss about?

Myles Munroe loved our demonstration.

You are kidding.

LANCE: Yes.

And Billy owes you 10 bucks for telling Brian

that you stole 20 dollars from him.

What are you talking?

I've never stolen anything in my life.

Great news about the demo, guys!

Don't change the subject, okay? I want my $20 back.

I don't carry that kind of money.

Check my pockets.

Why does this name sound so familiar?

What name?

What is Artists and Repres--

Wendy Horowitz.

She was that girl who was at our show at Antenna Club.

SIMONE: Oh, God.

Yes, she used to work for Myles on Myles per Hour

and now she's at Monolith.

And you never told us?

That was like, two months ago.

Forget her. Please.

Monolith is just this fake indie arm

of Global Records.

Miles is genuinely interested in you

and wants to meet you.

Well, I guess the question is: Does Myles per Hour have money?

They have something more important than money;

they have credibility.

Last time I checked, our landlord wouldn't accept

credibility to rent.

Oh I'm sorry.

Is that why you're doing this, for the money?

Yes. GREG: No.

Well, yes and no.

SIMONE: Listen to me. These AandR girls pretend to be interested

in every little band that isn't completely bad.

That's a little harsh, don't you think? Let's go.

You know what I mean.

No, Simone is right. I mean, we suck.

In the grand scheme of things--

The grand scheme of things is Huey Lewis and the News,

and that's not how you are, thank God.

And truth. You are not Huey Lewis or the News.

And with me as your guide, who knows how far we can go...

Anyway, Myles really has good taste

and that is the most important thing

you should worry now.

Plus, he's a really nice guy.

BRIAN: Of course it is.

Everyone here seems pretty relaxed.

What a relief.

It's right up my alley.

Excuse me for a second.

What the fuck is he doing?

Assessing the furniture situation?

Oh God.

Ties are corporate ties.

Sucks.

Nice headband.

Thanks man.

So, about this record.

I'll put together some solid local shows for you.

So I want to take you to the studio,

release an EP as soon as possible.

Book some real shows, promote them, sell some records.

What does that sound like?

Yes.

Yeah yeah.

Great.

I'll give you my best recording engineer.

I'll leave the rest

in Simone's more than capable hands.

What, how in what way, as a producer?

No, I have a guy - in every way.

I trust your taste and judgment completely.

After all, she was the one who discovered you.

Well, actually--

Brian, think of her as the link between you and me.

Or your band, I mean.

♪

♪ Well you can be a hero

♪ It's not zero rock 'n' roll

♪ Well, you don't need a hit song ♪

♪ If you don't want to live long ♪

♪ You said you want to do this ♪

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Well, if you want to get ahead in life ♪

♪ You better hurry and flatline ♪

♪ If you want a real band ♪

♪ You better get a toe tag ♪

♪ Because anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

[Same song playing]

♪

♪ You don't need a sound check ♪

♪ You just need a car accident

♪ No, you don't need a melody

♪ You only need one OD

♪ Because anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Because anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

[Car honking]

Wow!

Look at this!

What do you think?

It's amazing what you can get for $700 these days.

Bullshit, you didn't get that for 700 bucks!

The guy was a little confused

and I don't think he even knows he sold it.

That's great, Lance.

Are we going to get arrested for this?

No no no.

Look, he signed an "x" in the title.

It is a binding legal contract. Ask your in-house lawyer.

As your advice, I suggest you take the train.

[Simone laughing]

I can't believe I'm going to say this

but I don't give a fuck where that thing came from.

We're going to make history on this thing.

I really hope this came with AAA coverage.

So where are your bags? I'll get your things for you.

Um, we actually decided, uh, it's better to stay here.

Who is "us"?

Me and Miles.

You know, there's still a lot of work to do,

promoting the record and stuff.

I mean, you know, besides, Greg can handle it.

Lets do this!

You must be kidding me

It is not me. Have a good time.

What are you wearing?

Stick it under the seat, man.

You will finish them off.

I hope so.

Just promise me

that you won't forget me.

Of course.

♪

♪ Well, I don't care if we get a job ♪

♪ We already have a life we ​​made ♪

♪ And I don't know what the future holds ♪

♪ I just know that you are there with me ♪

♪ That's all I need

♪ Hey, we did it

♪ It's going to be okay ♪

♪ We did it together

♪ Hey ♪ We did it together

♪ It's going to be okay ♪

♪ We did it

It smells like sardines here.

Oh, it's me, guys

I'm going to put my shoes back on.

♪ When I look into your eyes...

These new Vans are killing me!

Should have gone up half a size, I think.

♪ Nothing more, nothing less

♪ Nothing more, nothing less

♪ It's going to be okay ♪

♪ Nothing more and nothing less ♪

♪ It's going to be okay ♪

♪ You will be the key to my success ♪

♪ Nothing more, nothing less

Want to review that setlist before you finish writing it?

What is there to talk about?

Let's open with "Blown Fuse"

and let's close with "Anyone can do it."

Wait, wait, wait.

We opened with "Every Little Thing."

Well yes, we are opening

with "Every Little Thing" when we played at home,

but we're on the road now.

So? And?

We gotta do our best, man.

What the fuck does that mean?

Everyone tuned in and connected?

We're almost at magic hour.

Greg, who the hell is watching our merch table?

I have everything under control. Everything is under control.

Do you have enough t-shirts?

'Cause there's more to the spare tire as well

if you need them.

We are well. They were good.

Bring it here, boys. Cozy.

I'm serious, guys. Between here.

Our first show outside the city.

Greg, are you drunk?

Drunk with anticipation.

Seven or eight wine coolers. Bring it here!

"Do it" in threes, okay?

I feel like I'm on a little league team.

One two three. Do it!

Damn, man.

Wow!

Wow! Fingers!

So, uh, "blown fuse"?

"Blown fuse". Yes!

Wow!

[beating drumsticks]

♪ She has a short fuse ♪ Be careful with female freedom

♪ She has a blown fuse ♪ Be careful with miss diversity

♪ She has a blown fuse

♪ Be careful or she will make you pay ♪

♪ She has a blown fuse

♪ Watch out now, it's coming towards her ♪

♪ she always comes home in the middle of the night ♪

♪ You tell her she's wrong ♪

♪ She'll tell you she's right ♪

♪ You try to force her to come in even if you don't invite her ♪

♪ A little just cause comes a little more fight ♪

♪ She always waves a flag in the middle of the city ♪

♪ You know her by her dress

♪ Because she always has the dress ♪

♪ She wants to go up, you want to go down ♪

♪ She'll never get you off, but she'll always come around ♪

♪ She has a short fuse ♪ Be careful with female freedom

♪ She has a short fuse ♪ Be careful with miss diversity

♪ She has a blown fuse

♪ Be careful or she will make you pay ♪

♪ She has a blown fuse

♪ Watch out, it's coming towards her ♪

♪ Welcome to the future it's 1988 ♪

♪ She's got the attitude of all the motherfuckers you hate ♪

♪ Another crazy girl, another rogue state ♪

♪ Another crucified just to burn him at the stake ♪

♪ You have to stay calm so they can take all your things ♪

♪ Just to stay calm, you know she's going to be late ♪

♪ You try to light a torch, it will keep it for yourself ♪

♪ The more you want love, the more you have to wait ♪

♪ She has a short fuse ♪ Be careful with female freedom

♪ She has a short fuse ♪ Be careful with miss diversity

♪ She has a blown fuse

♪ Be careful, she will make you pay ♪

♪ She has a blown fuse

♪ Watch out, it's coming towards her ♪

♪ Beware of female freedom

♪ She has a short fuse ♪ Be careful with miss diversity

♪ She has a blown fuse

♪ Be careful or she will make you pay ♪

♪ She has a blown fuse

♪ Watch out, it's coming towards her ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Hey, hey, hey

Wow!

Wow! Fingers, yes!

♪

♪

♪

♪

I miss Dave.

And you? Have you heard of Brian?

Oh, just a lot of messages. I haven't been home much.

Dave said they had a good show.

I know. That's what Miles was saying.

And talk about the devil.

So you and Dave talk, like, every day, or...

Quite.

Well, you're totally in love with him, aren't you?

Could it be.

He's so good in bed, huh?

You wouldn't know it to look at him, but he kind of is.

Oh, you dirty whore.

Okay, right.

Oh, speaking of useless whores,

guess who I met at the Meat Puppets concert.

Who? That bitch, Wendy.

It's like, I mean,

you can't throw a rock without hitting it.

Trust me, I tried.

You're still not upset about the Miles thing, are you?

Jesus, no. That was centuries ago.

She's just here trying to steal bands

to Monolith's fake punk playlist.

Totally. And what do you care?

You have Brian now.

Yes.

♪

♪

♪ Last night, pull me down ♪

♪ Dress me up like the great white wonder ♪

♪ I'm going to the center

♪ Will break all the big ones ♪

♪ So far, but I'll be on my way home ♪

♪ I can't face it, I can't erase it ♪

♪ I can't take it

♪ I can't face this, I'm lost ♪

♪ Like drunks and dreams and time ♪

♪ I'm lost

♪ I could give the chance of a lifetime ♪

♪ I'm lost

♪ How God Recognized

♪ I'm lost

♪

That's $3.

You look like shit, man.

That's the road, my friend. This is the road.

The boys sound good.

Looks like we're both going to be okay tonight.

Next time, I'll put more out there to promote the show.

That would be good.

Hey, uh, want some Charlie?

It's Greg, actually.

[Laughing]

Some Charlie, man. A little cocaine.

Oh.

[sniffing]

Sweet sugar goo.

You've really got the hang of it.

Hey, you wouldn't happen to have any of that to sell, would you?

In fact, I would.

Where the hell is Greg?

Probably in the van, sleeping like a baby.

Whoo.

Hello Hey.

You guys were really great tonight.

Serious? Yes.

Thanks. Where did you hear about us?

Oh, um, your record got really good reviews

for Mexican breakfast.

Mexican... What is this?

It's our local zine.

Oh. Wow.

No one has ever written about me before.

Oh really?

Except for the police report.

[Laughing]

Shut up, Billy.

Uh, so, hey, if I buy one of these,

Will you sign for me?

Yes. Incredible.

Sweet, thank you.

No problem.

One...

That's, um, $3.

Yes it seems

I'm running out of money now.

That's funny, so are we.

Look, it's on me.

Thanks.

Actually, you know what?

Why don't you accept this as payment?

I have to unload them before my dad gets here anyway.

Is this marijuana? Mushrooms.

Mushrooms! Freak out!

That's hippie shit. Child's play!

Is that your roadie?

One...

[sniffing]

Something similar.

Hmm.

Well, um, I should go.

My ride is probably waiting for me.

What a bummer.

Anyway, it was great meeting you.

Likewise.

Thanks for registering.

No problem.

Damn it.

She's out of your league, Lance.

Who's out of Lance's league? The whole world.

[Laughing]

She was a fan. She gave me mushrooms.

Wait what? No-- Mushrooms. Give me that.

Why? For safety.

Man, I feel like a million bucks.

It's a shame we only have a week left of this.

What the hell? Does he drink a lot of coffee or something?

It seems like a little more than that, Dave.

No. Come on, Greg isn't that type.

He forgot the bass drum pedal!

Does anyone else's head tingle?

Hey, wow! Wow!

[Yelling]

Watch out for that shit!

Holy shit, Simone. These are great news.

[Muffled speech]

But what about your... What about your birthday?

Well, I'm going to-- I'm going to miss this.

Cold. It will just be Miles,

or are you going to have some other people?

Yes Yes Yes. No, I know.

I know you have to go.

Hmm, then I'll tell the guys...

Yes.

Look, I love--[Dial tone buzzing]

Wow!

[Laughing]

Shit.

How is Simone?

How is Miles?

Simone's fine.

That is good. She's a great girl, man.

Yes. Really great girl.

Totally incredible. Really hot.

Look, I understand. I'm a lucky guy.

Oh, you really are.

Speaking of lucky...

Miles pulled some serious strings,

and he got us one last show.

Its a big problem.

Where?

A.D.

9:30 am Club.

Holy crap. Yes.

Is it really worth driving, man?

I'm exhausted, man.

It is not me! I know you're not!

Oh yes, I'd say it's worth driving...

since we are opening for the Replacements.

[Cough]

[Laughing]

Open that fucking beer, man.

Cheers, guys! To the Flingers!

Wake up, we're here!

I'm standing.

All good,

We have a lot of time to kill before the show.

Who wants to go to a bar?

Celebrating my girlfriend's birthday with a few drinks.

Ooh, this is ridiculous. But I'm in.

Lance wants to find a record store.

The new album "Van Hagar" has just come out.

I am personally against this.

Hey, man, it's still Van Halen.

51/50. It's a new logo and a new front man.

New beginning. It's going to rock.

Whatever it is. Uh, Greg, do you want to come?

No thanks, I'll look at the equipment.

Hey! Upload, sound check, 7:00.

Jesus, this city is trash.

This is our nation's capital you're talking about.

I can't believe Ronald Reagan lives here.

You seem to be lost and alone.

Do you need directions or maybe just a date?

No, I have a girlfriend at home, so thanks.

I do not believe in you.

It's definitely true.

Did you just tell me you need to find one?

I'll be your girlfriend for $5.

I can not afford.

How about I leave you alone for $4?

That is good.

Three four. OK!

Oh, thank you, dear!

I just made my day. Oh, mine too.

So cute.

♪ As long as you're the only one in the world ♪

♪ Who loves me

♪ Enough already

♪ Baby, that's enough

♪ As long as you're the only one... ♪

BRIAN: Oh, I liked her. She was fun.

Excuse me?

Can we have two beers, two shots of whiskey, please?

Jesus, what a trip DC is.

Somehow I imagined it differently.

Speaking of travel.

Thanks.

Shit.

Jesus.

I forgot about these.

We... we shouldn't...

We should?

Look, it's not like I'm saying

that we tripped over our balls or something.

And our show?

It's not like we've never played shit before, okay?

And they are the Replacements.

The messier we are, the more they will love us.

I don't know. I mean, they're on a major label now,

and from what I know, they have cleaned up their act.

Ah, damn sellouts. Let's take them.

Or us?

Jesus! Would you decide?

I'm torn, man!

Okay, for one thing,

I mean, we could get them.

Okay, let's do the following:

Okay, let's go back to the club,

let's get nice and drunk before the show.

OK?

That's the responsible thing to do.

We focus on our drink.

Shit.

Guys, I think I kind of

started off on the wrong foot before.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

It's not a problem. Accepted apologies.

I'm serious.

I wasn't a very good ambassador for Washington.

Dude, it's not a big deal. Seriously, okay.

Look, here's your money back.

You know what? That was really cool.

Screw this. You know what?

Why don't you take this? We don't need them.

Brian, what the hell are you doing?

Yes, Brian, what are you doing?

Where the hell are they?

We're screwed.

I'm going to kill these guys.

What the hell is happening?

Hi, Harvey. Um, funny, story.

It looks like we're missing a finger or two.

Hilarious!

Get your shit off the stage. You ruined it.

Cum!

Lance, let's get shitfaced.

Greg,

you fix this shit!

Lance, I...

♪

Well, well, well, if it isn't Greg Glaverman.

I know you?

Apparently no.

Wait, I know you. Of course I know you.

Wanda. Wendy.

Right. Wendy.

Uh, Horowitz from Monolith.

I'd shake his hand, but I'm dirty from carrying it.

I'm kind of a sweater.

Yes, I can see that.

Either way, it's a shame things didn't work out for you tonight.

I was looking forward to seeing the Fingers again.

EP sounds great, by the way. Good job.

Thank you Wendy. I'll be sure to tell the guys you said that.

Hey, do you want to go, like, get a drink

or maybe share a salad,

and can we talk about the music industry or something?

Wow, that sounds tempting, Greg,

but, um, I think I'll go back inside

and watch the substitutions.

It's part of the job.

Right. Well I would join you,

but they said I could never go in there as long as I lived.

Well, that's too bad.

Well, good night.

And good luck with your fingers.

Damn it. I have to find a friend.

That's a trap if I've ever seen it.

By the way, I'm Dwaynda.

Oh shit.

What are the chances of Greg putting the equipment somewhere

for security?

♪ You are my love, you are my happiness ♪

♪ you are the only one

♪ You're the reason it's true ♪

♪ Oh yes, you

♪ You are the sun, all your happiness ♪

♪ You are my love and all my love is you ♪

♪ Oh yes, you

♪ You won't stay just for a while ♪

♪ We can be friends, share a smile ♪

♪ Loving you is all I need

♪ When you say love is me ♪

♪ You are the reflection of the smile on my face ♪

♪ In your eyes

♪ I know it's always you ♪

♪ Oh yes, you

♪

♪

♪ Love is you

♪ You are my love

♪ You are my happiness

♪ you are the only one

♪ You're the reason it's true ♪

♪ Oh yes, you

♪ You are the sun

Where are you going?

To see Simone.

Yeah, well, make sure you tell her like you and Dave

completely fucked us up.

♪ You won't stay just for a while ♪

♪ We can be friends, share a smile ♪

♪ Loving you is all I need

♪ When you say love is me ♪

[Doorbell ringing]

♪

Simone, it's me.

Again.

Um, where the hell are you? Call me back.

Maybe she went on vacation.

Um, no, wait. I mean, maybe...

Have you tried calling all the hospitals?

That's what they do in the movies.

[Phone ringing]

Simone?

Hi Miles.

Greg, how are you?

I miss it.

Lose what?

The road.

It was yesterday.

Suddenly the furniture looks so bad.

Do you know what I miss? Our damn equipment.

Yeah, no shit.

Yes, what do you care?

You only need equipment if you show up to the show.

Let's not repeat all of this, folks.

Let's redo the whole thing!

Hey, guys. Shut up and get in here.

I heard you guys had an amazing show in DC.

Good job.

Funny story. Looks--

There's nothing funny about that.

I asked for some big favors

to put you on the account with the substitutes,

and you fucked up, big time.

I look like an idiot.

But the mess of substitutions appears all the time.

But at least they show up.

And anyway, they're in a position

where they can do whatever they want.

You are not.

Fuck you, Miles.

Brian, Brian.

Brian.

Brian.

Okay, you know what?

You are a prostitute.

I know. I'm like. I'm very sorry.

So you fucked him while I was gone.

No, I didn't have sex with him.

Serious?

Same.

Oh, um...

We did everything else though.

We're taking it slow, sexually.

But I'm moving back in with him.

Do not hate me.

So eventually I start to wonder if

The Monte three-card game is on the rise.

And yet the other guy playing keeps winning.

Fascinating.

Hey Miles, do you mind if I smoke?

Yes, okay. Go ahead.

Hey, hey, man. What the hell are you doing?

Crack, Greg? Jesus!

[Cough]

What?

So that's where all the t-shirt money went.

♪

♪

[Playing guitar]

Husker Du is playing tonight, you know.

Do you remember when we first heard them,

sitting there with Brian and Dave?

Good times.

These stupid idiots.

We should go to that fucking show just to piss them off.

There's a letter from Greg here.

Well, I'll be damned.

"Dear everyone, my name is Greg Glaverman

"and I'm a drug addict.

"These words are getting easier to say

after my time at New Day Rising Recovery Center."

GREG: Interestingly, I was in rehab

longer than I was on drugs.

And I've only been here 22 days.

Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry

for the trouble I caused you.

I hope we can meet up when I get back to town,

so I can apologize in person.

I need to make peace with all the people

I alienated myself and disappointed myself.

"This is an important step on my road to recovery.

Yours, Greg."

Drugs are bad.

[Muffled speech]

Morning. Minneapolis, Minnesota for Paul Westerberg.

Thanks.

[Muffled speech]

No, that's great. Have a good day.

You know, we should

turn the basement into a recreation center

now that we don't have all that boring band equipment

messing everything up.

I want a bumper pool table.

Of course man. Anything you want.

You guys should really try to relax. You are working too much.

Dude, shut up. We got jobs.

Oh yes? Yes.

So how come I never see you in them?

I don't know. How come I never saw you in yours?

Well, it's because I work

in what's called a "bookstore," Lance.

There are books and other things.

Oh I understood. Because you're a smart guy from college.

Oh wait. You are not. You are a quitter.

Alright, you know what? I don't need this shit.

Fuck, fuck! Damn done.

Oh, and great! is the happy couple

Sorry?

Move, man. Let him go, David.

BILLY: I'd leave you alone, Dave. He's in a terrible mood.

No, you know what?

I'm not in a bad mood, I'm in a shitty band.

Just move, man.

At the.

No, I think we should all talk.

Okay, do you want to talk?

Why don't you talk to Bob and Doug McKenzie in the back,

because you know what? I finished!

He finished. He finished?

He finished? You got me into this shit, man.

OK? I moved here, dropped out of school...

I wouldn't mention abandonment.

It's a really sore spot with this guy.

You know what? Shut up!

Don't tell Billy to shut up.

Hey, Lance, why don't you two start dating already?

You would make a really cute couple.

Like Miles and Simone?

Stop it, you idiots. Jesus Christ.

Cat fight!

Don't worry, Vicky, they will

they get tired in a minute or two.

They appear to be kissing.

LANCE: Do you see what I mean?

This is pathetic. I'm out of here.

Dave, call me tomorrow.

Okay, Vicky.

I had fun with you tonight. Good to see you again.

[Phone ringing]

Hello.

Thousands, there.

No, no, nothing.

We're just, you know, hanging out.

Yes?

Well, how is he?

Uh-huh.

Yes of course.

OK. Yes, okay. It seems good.

Huh.

Interesting.

What?

Greg called Miles and asked

to arrange a meeting with all of us tomorrow afternoon.

Um, I think he's back from Trembling Acres

or wherever, but he says he has good news.

I missed you boys!

Sit down, everyone.

I'll let Greg run the show here.

I'm glad everyone could come.

It's great to have the whole team together.

Um, that's going to be

like some kind of reverse intervention?

Even better Lance. Even better.

So, how is Simone?

You'll be happy to know that Simone left me, Brian.

Did she leave you?

For someone else.

Well, I would assume that person wasn't me,

because I probably would have gotten a phone call.

No, to Bob Mould, actually.

[Laughing]

Bob Mold? Do you remember?

Um, that's weird.

I thought he was--

Yes, Simone hit the road with Husker Du the other day.

They were really amazing last night, by the way.

Yes, they really killed it.

I mean, if I had the opportunity, I would sleep with Bob Mould.

No, you can't sleep with Bob Mould, he's having sex with Simone.

Sorry.

Anyway, can we get back to the topic at hand here?

Greg, tell the guys what you told me.

Right. Thanks, Miles.

Well, guys, I don't know

If you've been to rehab before,

But if you haven't already, I highly recommend it.

It's amazing what you learn about yourself

when you take off the handcuffs...

[clear throat]

But I'll leave that for another time.

Anyway, when I was in rehab, one of the things I learned

was to make a list of all the people I had harmed,

and one of the people on my list was Paul.

Who is Paul?

Paulo Westerberg.

Jesus, Greg, that must have been

a very comprehensive list.

It was.

Anyway, I decided to call him.

Let me guess. He had no idea who you were

or what you were talking about.

Bingo. But after a while, the whole DC disaster

it started to sound vaguely familiar to him.

And then when I mentioned "Entertainment Tonight",

He said, "Oh, I know that record.

The fingers. They're not that bad."

Shut up. You are lying.

And he seemed to really like the fact

that you missed the show

because you and Brian smelled mushrooms.

You don't smell mushrooms, Greg.

You're right, I'm not.

I don't believe Paul Westerberg knows our track record.

Not only that. He said he tried to cover "Squirtgun" once

but it went terribly wrong.

I think they might have some problems with alcohol.

Long story short,

they want you to open for them

when they come to town.

Wait, wait, wait. When?

Next Thursday.

And then go on tour with them.

Holy crap!

[playing punk rock]

♪ Look at you

♪ Unclear thinking, saying you're half mental ♪

♪ Telling me I think I grew up too fast ♪

[Incoherent singing]

You know, they booed The Who.

No they did not.

I know. I'm just trying to help.

WENDY: I can't believe they made me sign with them.

Or we can always throw our entire marketing budget at them.

Who knows? Maybe you have

another platinum record in your hands.

Honestly, Greg, I'd rather be in your shoes right now.

Your guys are good.

Thanks.

I gotta go see the guys backstage,

but it was great to see you again, Wendy.

Hi Greg. Yes?

What are you going to do after the show?

Are you trying to catch me?

I don't know, Greg.

There's only one way to find out.

♪ Come on, come on, come on! ♪

Oh, Lance.

What?

Nothing.

I can't get over how big this place is.

I don't remember it being that big

when we saw shows here before.

What I mean to say...

I'm also a little scared. Serious?

I just took a hit of acid. I feel great.

You're kidding right?

Yes, Lance, of course he's joking.

Hey, you're kidding, right?

Yeah man. Come on, man. Guys, relax.

To relax.

So you're stuck to the gills, boys.

What's going on out there?

This is the sound of the Youth Battalion

being released in America.

Can you believe Kenny shaved his head?

and exchanged his wizard's staff

for safety pins and combat boots?

♪ And you?

♪ Pay, pay

♪ Pay, pay

♪ What about me?

Oh!

[Boos]

CROWD: You suck! You suck! You suck...

That's harsh.

Yes, and they didn't even announce it

that the Substitutes will not play tonight.

Wait. What, what?

Oh shit.

Yes. Funny story. Paul completely lost his voice.

No one knows where Tommy is, but Chris is ready to leave.

But he doubts anyone wants to hear a two-hour drum solo.

I, for one, agree.

They're getting totally restless out there.

That's great, Greg.

I'm going home. No, you're not.

You're next.

[Laughs] No way.

Crazy as fuck. Guys, did you hear that?

Yes.

That's the sound of opportunity.

That's the sound of an angry mob.

That you have to go out and play up front.

Greg, are you high again?

Yes, because you will play

the biggest show of their lives.

[Laughing]

Yes, I don't know.

That's the spirit.

[Scattered applause]

Well, I mean, what do we have to lose, right?

Let's do this shit.

♪ Kitten, kitten, she's the kitten ♪

♪ Got you all tied up with her dirty mind ♪

♪ Treat you like it's World War 5 ♪

♪ Every night

♪ Tired of hitting the ferris wheel ♪

♪ Love, love, I love you with all my strength ♪

♪ You have to be kind with the chance of killing ♪

♪ My, my

♪ Well, every time they play our song ♪

♪ Every little thing goes wrong ♪

♪ Clang, clang the chain gang clang ♪

♪ Chipping away at the rock of a psychotic mind game ♪

♪ Working for the woman, I'm building the road ♪

♪ To nowhere

♪ Can't run, it's not fun

♪ Under the sun and under the ark ♪

♪ Looking over your shoulder wishing you had a coin ♪

♪ And fall into a well

♪ Well, always

♪ They play our music

♪ Every little thing goes wrong ♪

♪ Every little thing

♪ Every little thing

♪ Every little thing, every little thing goes wrong ♪

You are understanding this, right?

♪

♪ Every little thing

♪ Every little thing

♪ Every little thing. every little thing goes wrong ♪

♪ Every little thing

♪ Every little thing

♪ Every little thing, every little thing goes wrong ♪

♪

♪

♪ Well you can be a hero

♪ It's not zero rock and roll

♪ Well, you don't need a hit song ♪

♪ If you don't want to live long ♪

♪ Because anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Well, if you want a headline ♪

♪ You better hurry and make a straight line ♪

♪ If you really want it ♪

♪ You better get a toe tag ♪

♪ Because anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it, anyone can do it ♪

♪ Well, you don't need to check the sound ♪

♪ You just need a car accident

♪ Well, you don't need a melody ♪

♪ Yes, you only need one OD

♪ Because anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it, anyone can do it ♪

♪ Anyone can do it

♪ Because anyone can do it

♪ Anyone can do it, anyone can do it ♪

♪ Anyone can do it

[Cheering]