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UNRESOLVED SEXUAL TENSION

We all know her.

She's Jazz Romero.

In a country like this, where nobody reads,

everybody is reading her book.

Her only book.

And, as you know, Almodovar has made the movie.

Jazz has hit the big time.

Young, pretty, rich, on TV,

Jazz is the personification of the Spanish dream.

She's got it all, hasn't she?

"The Orgasm: The Great Unknown".

Why is a girl like you in a place like this,

with a book like this?

I wasn't reading it, I was just browsing because...

- I wanted to give... - Why don't you give orgasms

instead of a book about orgasms?

Hang on!

- You're... - Jazz.

Jazz Romero!

"Unresolved Sexual Tension" is my favorite book.

I'm a fan of your s.

My name is Celeste.

What a coincidence.

I was just looking for a Celeste to have coffee.

- Really? - Sure.

I'm a fan of your s.

- So you say you love your boyfriend. - Juanjo?

Loads!

But you don't have orgasms with him.

Not many.

Not many, or not any?

I don't know!

Maybe I've had orgasms but I didn't realize.

Could that be?

And with your other lovers?

Well...

If you tell me Juanjo's the only one I'm going to cry.

Look,

there were more,

but I never actually made love with them.

And can you tell me, in the name of God and the Virgin Mary, why?

Maybe I didn't love them enough.

Have you never felt the need to turn your life upside down?

To make it exciting, an adventure?

Yes!

- Yes? - Yes!

Then you have to do something about it, right?

Yes!

Get married!

Look. I picked them up today. Aren't they lovely?

It's this month!

- Coffee? - No fucking way.

Two more gin and tonics!

How can you live on your own?

You're not happy, are you?

Of course not. Being happy sucks.

- Don't you miss having someone? - Like who?

- Like a boyfriend? - What for?

To protect you.

I've got a reinforced door.

Yeah,

but being alone don't you feel a bit lonely?

My loneliness and I are fine.

We don't need anyone else's loneliness fucking us up.

Don't you like someone saying he loves you?

Yes, when "I love you" means "I love you"

and not "You belong to me" which it usually does.

Know what? I think you've never been in love.

And you have?

Are you saying you're in love with that Juanjo?

I think so.

You think so. You are or you aren't.

If I was in love, I wouldn't need 30 minutes to think about it.

- It was 3 seconds. - Screw that!

Love isn't something you can doubt.

It's a wave that sweeps you along, a fist that knocks you out,

a fire that consumes you!

- You're scaring me a bit. - True love should terrify us.

It should destroy us and then bring us back to life.

That's love for me.

What you call love is an imitation made in Taiwan.

- Wow! - Wow what?

Wow, you're a real romantic.

Hey, no insults here, OK?

Two more gin and tonics!

Call me romantic once more and I'll kill you.

There must have been someone.

- Jazz, please. - OK, one guy, eight years ago.

And...?

It ended.

Was it wonderful?

It was traumatic.

A romance seasoned with jealousy, obsession, death...

But yes, it was wonderful.

And it made me what I am.

And what are you?

Someone who dares.

- Who dares what? - It doesn't matter.

No.

Come on, give me an example.

What kind of things do you dare to do?

What...? What...?

Your cell's ringing.

It's Juanjo.

Aren't you going to answer?

I'm not a lesbian.

Neither am I, but what you had was an orgasm.

- Yeah, right? - Yeah.

It's cool.

But I can't help thinking...

What?

Don't take it badly, OK?

I wonder how it would be with a guy.

That's the next thing you have to find out.

And I'm going to help you.

You'd do that for me?

Sure, on one condition.

- What? - You tell anyone that you know me.

Why?

Because you have to learn to have secrets.

Why?

Because you have to learn not to question your teacher.

- Why? - Because I fucking say so.

You're asking me to lie!

I'd lie if I said no.

It's Juanjo! I've never lied to Juanjo!

Then don't lie. Tell him you've slept with a woman,

you've had your first orgasm and you want to screw other guys.

He'll understand.

Juanjo?

You'll never believe it.

I had to close up the agency but I left my cell behind.

When I went back for it,

there was a power cut and I was stuck in the elevatorfor hours.

It was wild...

And that was how Celeste learned to keep secrets,

and Jazz was her best kept secret of all.

What's the problem?

No, they're all really nice.

- Maybe too nice. - Maybe.

I'm the Driller! And these are my three screws!

Go!

You're asking what's the secret hidden in these tight fitting pants.

It's an enormous source of pleasure,

a towering inferno that never stops burning.

And if you want to put it out,

come here, baby, and start blowing.

If you want a night of sex, have some of this.

If you want a night of sex, have some of this.

If you want a night of sex, have some of this.

If you want a night of sex...

You want to fuck?

What a lovely house!

And... that?

Going to clean your nails?

You lift it up.

Well,

you can do that too.

The panties too?

Well, OK.

Very interesting!

Welcome to hell.

Talk to me!

- Talk to me! - Shut up!

You're everything!

You're incredible!

- Tell me all about you! - Shut the fuck up!

How many?

- Five! - How much?

- Twenty! - Twenty?

I know!

- I think I'm in love! - And him?

Yes! He's making plans For the future!

If we see each other again, I like my pussies shaved.

Completely shaved.

It does seem like love. And Juanjo?

- Who? - Your fiancé

I've already told him, by phone.

- Told him what? - That it's over.

And the wedding?

Hell, he organized it, he can de-organize it.

Did you say there was someone else?

No, if Driller doesn't work out, I may have to go back to Juanjo.

- How did he take it? - Fine.

You don't know Juanjo, he's so cold, so cerebral...

Sometimes I think he feels nothing.

I'm sorry.

It's obvious that I'm feeling very...

fragile.

Where were we?

With Shakespeare and pastoral love.

Juan Jose, what's wrong?

What's wrong?

ONE HOUR OF INCESSANT WEEPING LATER..

You're scaring me. What's wrong?

It's very simple.

His mother's popped off, or his father's popped off,

or his fiancé's told him to beat off.

And as he hasn't taken the day off, I think it's the third option.

Is that it?

- Is that it, Juan Jose? - Yes!

You'll get over it. I'll help you get over it.

He doesn't want to get over it, Rebecca.

Don't call me Rebecca.

R.B.C. Really Bitchy Cunt. Rebecca.

Nicolas,

why aren't you doing deals in the cafeteria?

It's all you're good at.

Given poor Juan Jose's state, it would be unwise to leave him here

alone and with you,

Rebecca.

- Get out! - Get fucked!

She left me by phone!

She didn't even tell me why!

I'd give anything to know why she left me.

Anything?

Anything.

Well, then,

shall we talk business?

You're using this to pass your exam without doing anything.

Not true. I'm going to spy on his girlfriend.

I should report you.

- Who to? Judge Judy? - No, to the Faculty.

No, not to the Faculty!

You won't go to the Faculty, Rebecca.

Oh, no? Why not, Nicolas?

If Rebecca did that, the first to be fucked would be Juan Jose

and Rebecca doesn't want Juan Jose to be fucked.

Rebecca wants to fuck Juan Jose herself.

What would the mayor say if he knew?

Leave my father out of this. Are you blackmailing me?

No. I'm hoping to fuck you on my own merits.

You're a little shit!

Yes, but I'm not the only one. Everyone is laughing at you.

Everyone knows you're in love with Juan Jose.

Except Juan Jose.

But don't worry, I won't tell him.

- So, have you nailed Rebecca yet? - Nicolas, please!

That's unthinkable.

Think about, it'd be dead easy.

And I bet your girl is screwing someone else.

I don't think there's anyone else.

A girlfriend only leaves you when she has someone else.

- And if it's not like that? - It better be,

- or else it's something weird. - Whatever it is,

you'll find out, won't you?

But you give me a pass even if you don't like what I find,

because you won't like it.

If the Faculty finds out, I'm finished.

- They'd understand. - Why do you say that?

Do you know Ramiro Almenar?

The dean of history.

- And in his free time, a drag queen. - A drag queen?

- Ramiro? - His stage name is Miss Rammer.

You blackmail him with that?

No, I found him a place to perform.

Thursdays, 11:30, here.

- Right, Emilio? - He sells out.

And you get a pass mark, without studying?

No. I got a "Very Good" from him,

"Good" from Rocha, "Very Good" from Escalona.

Am I the only one you still haven't extorted?

Why do you think I still go to your class?

Celeste's due any minute. What's the plan?

Steal her cell.

That's all?

Yes, my surveillance satellite is broken.

This is going to end badly, very badly.

Obviously.

It started badly, it'll end like shit.

Look, that's you.

Celeste! What'll I do?

Talk about Shakespeare until she falls asleep,

then steal her cell.

- Hello. - I won't be long.

Have you nothing to say?

Juanjo, please, don't be so immature.

Immature?

My fiancé finished with me by phone a week before the wedding

and for no reason.

I thought immaturity was in fashion.

- Want to know why I left you? - I deserve to know.

"Me, me, me." It's always "me".

What about me? What do I deserve?

OK, what do you deserve?

- Tell me, go on, tell me. - I won't play that game.

You think this is a game?

You've succeeded.

- You bully! - But you hit me!

- You want to see me cry, right? - I want to see you happy.

Well, from now on,

when we meet in the street, you'll see me very happy.

Goodbye, Juanjo.

Stay five minutes and we'll talk like humans.

Is that too much to ask?

All right.

Shit, I've got stuff in the bathroom.

No!

Not the bathroom!

Don't go in there!

I have to get my toothbrush, my creams...

Not your toothbrush, please! Don't do that to me!

- You don't want me to take it? - Or to go to the bathroom!

Why?

Because...

Because...

All right, go to the bathroom.

Take your toothbrush. Take everything.

Take it all!

- Did you have to hide in there? - She really whacked you.

Concentrate on the phone.

"Venus Trimer".

- You know what this is for? - For shaving.

Yeah, her pussy. Completely.

- Did she do that before? - Never.

- Well, she's turning kinky. - Find the cell.

Will you excuse me? It's an important call.

You're at home here. Or almost.

- I'm at home. - As always.

How nice.

- Yes? - Jazz?

I've got everything but he's insisting we talk.

How is he?

Really odd. He didn't want me to take my toothbrush.

- But he'll have to accept it's over. - Great!

- We'll talk later, I'm kind of busy. - Don't hang up.

- May I talk to her? - No.

- Why not? - It's for me.

- What shall we talk about? - Is there someone else?

No, I swear.

- Then I've done something bad. - You?

If only you had. I wish you were bad.

I don't understand.

Life has to be lived, Juanjo, even if you don't understand it.

- You seem different. - I am different.

I was different too.

Then I changed and I fell in love with you.

With me it was the reverse.

I've changed and now I don't love you.

GET HER AWAY FROM THE FUCKING CELL!

I'm sorry.

Very well.

So it's all shot to hell because I'm not bad enough, right?

What?

- In that case, I'll be bad. - Juanjo!

- Killing yourself is bad, isn't it? - Get down!

Did you want to give me a heart attack?

Her latest calls were to Driller, Driller, Driller, Driller...

- What's he got that you don't? - I don't know!

Driller may not even be a guy.

He'd better be,

- or else it's something weird. - I don't care.

I want proof, irrefutable proof.

Irrefutable... Anything else?

You want his legs broken, his eye put out...?

Well, if he's her lover,

he'd deserve it, wouldn't he?

- It depends. - On what?

On if I deserve a? Very Good? instead of a? Pass?

OK.

But you're a bastard.

Then take notes.

Maybe that way she'll come back and stop fucking that...

What was his name?

The Driller and his three nails.

They're playing tonight in "Purgatory".

They're subjunctive, adjacent, substantial.

- So, can you tap the cell? - Yeah, sure.

It's just a matter of cracking the card identifier

and hacking the server with it. 3 to 6 years in jail.

What? Is this illegal?

- Damn right. - No, no, just the opposite.

When will it be ready?

Give me two intervals of sixty minutes for this,

but you can take the cell.

- It really isn't illegal? - You should be illegal. Come on.

- Nico! - The drugs!

What's in this bag?

Steroids, anabolizants, stuff for sportsmen.

I'd never take that stuff.

Here.

Great, great, great!

This is Juanjo.

Hey, you turd! You touched me!

I'll rip your head off and stick it up your ass!

- Fede, Fede! - It's a joke!

It's a joke!

- What do I owe you, puppy? - 200.

Or 100 and a favor.

Who do I beat the shit out of? Is it him?

I'll beat the shit out of you.

I'll kill you, and then I'll fuck you, up the ass, eh?

It's a joke!

It's a joke!

A guy called the Driller.

Driller? Maybe I'll fall in love with him.

Fede-ricoooooo!

I am death!

I'm crazy, out of it.

- Federico's gay, isn't he? - And homophobic.

So he sleeps with men. but he hates them?

Why's that so odd? It's what happens to us with girls.

What happens to guys with girls is that you idealize us,

like your mothers.

And a woman has a part that's a mother

but also a whore.

And there's the conflict.

You love the mother in Celeste, not the whore.

And now,

the whore has abducted the mother and gone partying.

I'm not saying it, Freud did.

I'm sorry, but...

What exactly do Freud and you mean?

I'll give you an example, any example.

Me.

I'm a woman,

- right? - Yes.

I can be

- a mother. - Yes.

And also

a whore.

- Yes. - Yes.

Understand?

Mother.

- Whore. - Whore.

Yes. How can I show you?

- Yes? - I'm at Driller's concert!

Your fiancé is in the front row desperate to be drilled.

Wait, Fede wants to say something.

Become a fag, no more problems!

- A problem? - No... Yes... I don't know.

- You want me to go? - No.

- You want me to stay? - Yes.

You want to fuck?

Fire my Kalshnikov

while I'm getting it off.

Gimme, gimme war,

blood, bullets and projectiles,

napalm, bombs and missiles.

Gimme war,

and Armageddon!

Driving around in the Sherman, a cobra bit Johnny on the leg.

While he was biting its head off he couldn't see where he was going...

- Hello. - Goodbye.

- I loved the concert. - Thank you. Goodbye.

Driller, I'm Celeste, don't you remember me?

Yeah, you've been driving me fucking crazy!

You've called me 30 times and sent me 24 messages.

How could I not rememberyou?

I know why the singer in Judas Priest went gay.

He was sick of chippies like you.

I don't understand. Don't you like me anymore?

Look...

You see that loony?

I'd rather be his sex slave until I burst

before I'd sleep with you again.

Get it?

Scram.

So you want to be my sex slave until you burst?

For me, it's the opposite.

What?

First, I'll make you burst, and then I'll make you my sex slave!

I like you.

Have a drink.

This is from Celeste's fiancé.

If you dare fuck her again,

if you even jerk off thinking about her...!

How many? Make me envious.

All men are bastards.

If only you knew...

He dumped me without any explanation!

Could anything be more cruel?

Tell me, Jazz.

Celeste?

Driller screws whoever he wants!

Call you later...

Oh, J.J.

What do you want me to do, Juan Jose?

I want...

- I want you to... - Yes?

Tell me.

...to get dressed, Rebecca.

What?

This is wrong.

Did you call me Rebecca?

Hang on a minute.

Nico, what's Rebecca's real name?

How the hell should I know? Look at the screen.

Celeste? Celeste! Celeste!

I'd say that's pretty irrefutable.

You still don't want to nail Rebecca, right?

- What are you doing? - Leaving.

Know what?

With me at your side, you've have been dean in a year.

Undress.

No way. You don't even remember my name.

Undress, Carmen.

And I'm only going to screw you to spite Celeste.

For the mother, that's great,

for the whore,

it's mother fucking great.

I thought I heard Juanjo's voice!

- Who's Juanjo? - My fiancé.

Your fiancé? Tell me about him.

Well, he's my ex-fiancé.

- What? - I left him this morning.

- Why? - For you!

What?

- For you! - Shit!

Shit!

- But, Driller...! - Shit!

Wait!

I even shaved my... What did I do wrong?

Driller, listen!

- Talk to me... - Shut up!

I know what you're wondering. Why is Driller running from Celeste?

Will Nico score with Rebecca, sorry, with Carmen?

And why was Jazz spying on Juanjo?

I don't understand!

The bastard dumped me!

And I love him, Jazz, I love him, I love him!

All right, all right.

Have a cup of tea.

Men need to feel free.

They don't have to be free, they just need to think they are.

So when you told Driller you'd left your fiancé for him, he got scared.

He thinks you want more than wild sex.

I do want more!

- More what? - I want...

I want... for us to be together,

for him to love only me,

for him to make me happy.

For him to get a job, a house, children...

Yes, all that!

- You want to change him! - No!

I don't want to change him.

I love him as he is.

The thing is, he, he, he, he... He doesn't know how he is.

You want to change him into the man you left, into Juanjo!

- I want the Driller! - Look,

he's turned on by you belonging to another man.

- Yeah? - Of course!

He wants you to be his forbidden fruit.

And if he left you because you left Juanjo,

maybe he'll go back to you when you go back to Juanjo.

I don't want to go back to Juanjo.

Celeste, you're not going back to Juanjo,

not to that Juanjo.

To what Juanjo?

ACTING STUDIO

What machine are you that, under cover of night,

interferes in my meditations? Tell me, tell me, tell me.

My name, beloved Juliet, is hateful to me,

for it is your enemy. If I could, I'd wipe it from the CPU.

Are you Romeo?

If they find you here they'll disconnect you.

I will hide under the blanket of night

and I hope if you love me they will disconnect me.

I preferto end my life from their hate

than to carry on dying without your love.

The mask of night is hiding my circuits,

otherwise a fIush would cover my megabytes...

What the fuck is this?

"Romeo and Juliet 3000".

- Are they robots? - Computers.

Romeo is from the PC family, Juliet is a Macintosh.

What is that light in the Windows? Is it the East and Juliet the sun?

- Woe is me... - Juan Carlos, this is shit.

Yeah, it's Edu's idea.

Then it's perfect.

Jazz Romero! Jazz Romero!

Since I read "Unresolved Sexual Tension",

I've dreamed of meeting you because...

- Edu... - Yes?

What you did with Shakespeare was...

- ...indescribable. - Thank you.

I've got a project for you.

AIternative theater or avant-garde?

It's so alternative it isn't even theater.

It's...

ultra-theater.

Ultra-theater.

I'll call you one hour beforehand.

I'll tell you your role, where to go and what to say.

You'll never know the actors from the public,

and you'll never know how the scene ends.

- What is ultra-theater looking for? - Edu, ultra-theater

- is looking for itself. - Of course.

I love taking risks, I'll do it.

- Welcome to the trenches, soldier. - I was going to... So long.

- Congratulations! - Thank you.

It's obvious it's looking for itself.

Fuck!

- They beat the shit out of you! - Good thing I'm a masochist.

- When do you get out? - I'm leaving today.

If they don't take off the cast I'll rip it off.

How could it happen, Fede?

Driller is

a little shit.

I don't remember, puppy,

but something distracted me.

What?

I don't know, but I'll remember!

Hi, Pedrito.

I've just tapped the cell phone,

defying all laws regarding controversy.

She's talking to Driller now. I'll connect you.

Recording!

This thing isn't going well, we should meet.

I told you I don't want to see you.

Meet with your fiancé, go back to him, get it from him.

Go back to him!

One: I have gone back to him.

And two: I'm not calling to get it from you.

So why are you calling?

I owe you an explanation.

What explanation? I was the one dumped you.

When I met you, my relationship with Juanjo was in crisis.

You gave me incredible sex,

but I've realized that's nothing compared to marriage.

You're getting married?

In two days, and thanks to you.

You sent me back to Juanjo and he's forgiven me.

What an asshole!

Let's say goodbye properly. You know the Cafe Giangrossi?

Yeah, sure I do. It's really cool.

I'll see you there at 7:00, to talk.

And no sex?

No, no sex. My body belongs to another man.

- Please! - I'll see you at 7:00.

- And don't call again! - Son of a bitch!

- What is all this? - First things first.

- Is your fiancé back? - She hasn't said anything.

And nothing about getting married in two days?

What? The wedding is in four days.

- You haven't cancelled it? - No.

Man, it takes guts to be such a coward.

Nico, what do you think is going on with Celeste?

Please.

Look,

I reckon she blew it yesterday with Driller,

before or after the "explosion of passion"

- in that filthy alley. - Yes, yes...

He told her to fuck off and she's trying to win him back

by getting round him in a clever way.

- She's one smart bitch. - No, Celeste isn't like that.

- She doesn't even talk like that. - Well...

Maybe just like I'm your Jedi master,

she may have her master of the dark side.

- You mean Celeste has... - Her Obi-Wan Kenobitch.

My arch enemy.

- I knew you'd come. - I know you're bluffing.

What?

One: you're not getting married tomorrow.

Two: you're not back with your fiancé.

And three: you want me to give it to you.

And you know what? I won't.

- And you know why? - Why?

A girl who leaves her fiancé for something like me

ain't cool.

- But I have gone back to him. - Like fuck.

- I swear! - Like double fuck. Is that clear?

Look...

If Juanjo knew I was here with you today, he'd go crazy.

What...?

What are you doing here, Juanjo?

No, what are you doing here with this guy?

- I can explain it. - Hang on.

- Are you Juanjo? - Yes.

- The one who's marrying her tomorrow? - Yes.

A pleasure. I'm the one who fucked her yesterday.

Couldn't you find anything better than this buffoon?

It's best if I leave so you two can talk about rings, the banquet...

By the way,

if you need a band for the dance, Celeste has my number.

My pleasure.

How could you do this to me? To your Ed... to your Juanjo.

No, no, no, no!

I feel awful.

One thing, sunshine.

Did you send a thug to beat me up last night?

Yes.

- Going to do something about it? - Yes.

- Driller, wait! - That hurts!

Yes, yes, yes!

- Come here. - Thank you!

Yes!

- Will I tell you about Juanjo? - No, tell me about the wedding.

300 guests, a white wedding in church.

- Yeah? - Yes!

- So it'll a big fucking wedding. - A big, motherfucking blow out!

Ladies and gentlemen, don't worry. The fourth wall has been broken.

I am Eduardo Cubero

and what you have just seen is ultra-theater.

Thank you.

Jazz, he beat me up. I landed a few too.

That's ultra-theater.

It's the truest scene I've ever done.

It isn't over yet. They're following you.

You have to shake them off.

- Do I improvise? - No.

- You've got a taxi at three o'clock. - At three? That late?

In front of you, on the right.

- OK, what do I do? - Stop it.

- Stop it? - Yes.

Taxi! Taxi!

- Now what? - Get in.

- Get in? - Yes.

- Do I get a receipt? - Get in the fucking taxi!

- Hey, what is this? - Sorry.

Sorry.

Bravo, Edu. You're a fucking genius.

Tell me the menu.

There are six different starters and two main courses.

Here's the first one!

He screwed her again.

- And a seven tier cake. - And he didn't even want to.

- And for dessert? - What a slut.

How could she do that to you, Juan Jose?

The truth is, she did it thanks to Juan Jose.

Yes, you were there.

It worked! I've got Driller where I want him!

I had to swear I'd see him between the wedding and the banquet!

He wants to be my first fuck as a married woman,

with me in my wedding dress!

You see? He's competing, like all men.

- Competing with who? With Juanjo? - With the concept of Juanjo.

While Driller thinks you're married, he'll be at your mercy,

and in three months he'll beg you to leave your husband for him.

And Juanjo will never know.

So Juan Jose's ex-fiancé

made some guy pretend to be Juan Jose

to make her ex-lover jealous so he'll be her lover again?

Is that it?

It better be, Rebecca, or else it's something weird.

- Did you see the geek on the cell? - He followed Edu.

- Is he working for Juanjo? - No, I doubt it.

But I shook him off. The fewer loose ends the better.

His name is Eduardo Cubero, he's thirty and he's from Palencia.

And he studies acting.

How do you know?

As well as a dickhead, you're a thief.

As the mayor's daughter, do you think I'd make it as a corrupt politician?

To secrets.

May they continue to be secrets.

Who's that chick?

It's no secret.

She's Jazz Romero.

The writer.

Of books.

She was in the bar across the street spying with binoculars,

and when I started to follow that clown

this clown followed me.

I think she's Celeste's Obi-Wan Kenobitch.

Carmen, leave us on our own.

It's not a good idea, Juan Jose.

You need my help now to be able to...

The only help you can give me I can get by jerking off.

So leave right now

or I'll fail you.

Juan Jose, just one thing...

So you fucked her!

Yes, I fucked her! What about it? I fucked her!

Everyone fucks everyone else here! Well, so do I!

What would you do if your fiancé left you for a guy like...

like David Hasselhoff but even less cool if that's possible?

And that one's been chasing my dick for two years!

I know that! I'm talking about this one.

There was more with her.

Let's have the flashback.

It was eight years ago,

at university.

EIGHT YEARS AGO, AT UNIVERSITY...

Lemonade, please.

I'm sorry!

Hello.

I'm J.J.

I know that.

I'm Jacinta.

I know that.

I saw you in the Midget's literary workshop.

Don't remind me.

"He put his strong arms around her and kissed her.

What is it

that I'm feeling?

Is it love?

she asked him.

Don't worry,

he answered.

We've got

the whole night to find out.

The End."

What's the title of your story, Jacinta?

"The girl in love with love".

Even though your brains are putrefying,

can any of you tell me why "The girl in love with love",

we'll say it like that, is

a piece of shit?

Poor Jacinta.

Maybe Jacinta should go back to the village

and give up her dream of being a great writer.

Yes, Jacinta should do that.

But not you.

Hey, I am Jacinta.

No, no, no.

Then who am I?

Don't worry.

We've got the whole night to find out.

- Where are we going? - I've got plans for you.

- What plans? - To corrupt you.

- That's bad. - But it'll do you good.

Pass me that stone.

- Why do you want it? - I can't find the car keys.

What are you doing?!

Tell Jacinta to shut up and you get in the car.

You're stealing it!

No, we are stealing it. You're my accomplice.

You gave me the stone. You made me do it.

Why would I do that?

It belongs to the Midget, the teacher who made a fool of you.

Your story wasn't bad. There were just two problems.

- What? - The story, and how it was written.

Anything else?

I didn't like that it finished with "The End".

Have you got anything against "The End"?

Yes, you put it just when they were going to fuck.

Sexual tension must be resolved.

So the problem was that my story lacked...

Sex.

Why did you stop the car before you said "sex"?

No, no, no! The End! The End!

It's impossible, J.J.

Jacinta can't sleep with you and I'm still Jacinta.

So corrupt me if you want, but without sex!

- Without sex? Why? - First, you've got a girlfriend.

- That's true. - Dare to deny it!

I've just said it's true, but she's not jealous.

She doesn't mind that you're unfaithful?

- It turns her on that I am. - I don't believe you!

Lucia,

I'm with a girl I'd love to sleep with tonight.

Her name is Jacinta and she's beautiful,

although she doesn't know it yet.

The problem seems to be that I've got a girlfriend.

My girlfriend wants to talk to you.

Hello?

Yes, it's me.

Well,

yes, I like him,

but he's your boyfriend.

A trio?

A trio of what?

All three?

With you?

Tell her it'll take us a while. The car's broken down.

Goodbye, Jacinta.

Hello, Jazz.

Lucia...

Lucia...

This is Jazz.

WE'RE GOING TO FUCK YOU

I like her.

And you had a trio with them, you bastard?

For a year.

You bastard!!

Yes, we were the stars of the campus. Scandalous, subversive, outrageous...

- The uni magazines wanted to publish us. - Yeah, yeah.

And Jacinta changed from a country bumpkin

to the Empress of Cool, totally eclipsing Lucia who,

- mad with jealousy, killed herself. - Wait.

Listen.

Yes, I'm dead,

and maybe I was a bit jealous but I didn't kill myself.

It was an accident.

I was too generous with the dose, that's all.

Carry one.

Lucia's death made you feel guilty, you ran away from Jacinta

and you became... "this".

How do you know?

You've just told me the plot of "Unresolved Sexual Tension",

Jacinta's book.

- You read it? - No, I saw the movie.

And Antonio Banderas does you better than you do.

All right, so do you think this is a plot by Jazz?

No, it's a load of coincidences.

But why? To fuck me up?

Or for love. Basically it's the same.

Jacinta's got the hots for you.

- If Celeste hears about this... - If Celeste hears about this,

she might hate Jacinta for using her to steal her man.

It's against my principles, but why not tell her the truth?

- Jazz? - You were right.

- The geek of the cell works for Juanjo. - How do you know?

- He's been following me for two hours. - You?

So does Juanjo know you and I are super close?

He knows.

Although He doesn't know me he'll think I'm a bad influence.

He'll blame me for everything and try to separate us.

- He can dream on. - I'm serious.

Get ready for the craziest lies you've ever heard.

It's true!

Jazz and I were together eight years ago.

All this is a plot by Jazz to get me back.

You must believe me!

How can I? You're telling me her novel.

Know what? Jazz told me you would lie

but I expected something better from a literature professor.

Why are you in a wedding dress?

- To Vallecas. - Going to get married?

That's what I want my lover to believe.

Jazz is good. She got ahead of us.

She turned the truth into a filthy lie.

Now what?

Jazz? It's incredible. He plagiarized your novel!

How mediocre.

If he gets nothing by lying, he might tell the truth.

- What do you mean? - Maybe you should tell Driller.

OK, what do I tell him?

I'm Juanjo, Celeste's real fiancé.

My deepest sympathy.

Why?

Look,

Celeste told me there's a dickhead who wants to fuck her

and he's pretending to be her fiancé.

Too bad I know the real Juanjo, isn't it?

No, no, I'm the real Juanjo.

They're manipulating you like a puppet.

Celeste is mine and Juanjo's. Got that, puppet?

That Jazz is really good.

We'll have to play tough.

Let's hear it for the pretty girls!

Oh, girl, I love you so much.

Look at what I'd do for your love.

Sure as my name is Juanjo,

I'd climb to the top of an orange tree for you.

And I'd bring you a lemon

so you could squeeze it in my eye,

and that way you'd see my cry

like when you're on a motorbike.

If my heart were an overnight bag I'd keep your heart in it.

If your heart were an overnight bag I'd put my heart in it.

If your overnight bag were a heart and I the shape of overnight bag

when we flew we'd never check in luggage.

I said that song wouldn't work.

Well, we tried.

It's been a pleasure.

- You're giving up? - No. I've given up already.

- What about me? - Fede told you. Become a fag.

- Or go back to Jazz. - I can't do that.

- Why not? - Because of Lucia.

- What about her? - She's dead!

And I feel... what you said, guilty.

Like shit!

You're too selfish to feel guilty for eight years.

Go back to Jazz. She a millionaire, she's hot and the idiot loves you.

- Look at the chaos she caused for you. - No, I need Celeste.

She needs Driller. And she's got him. You can't fight against that.

- If I give you an "Outstanding" grade? - No, ?Good? is fine, thank you.

- What is it, Fede? - I know what distracted me

with that lousy faggot! That fucking Driller!

What was it?

He had a hard on. Like Thor's hammer!

God, and that bastard beat me up!

You hear? Did you fucking hear?

Do we get money with "Outstanding"?

Of course.

Fede, we've got work. Did they take off the plaster?

They've just done it, puppy. Who's the victim?

Who's the perched, the pigeon, the punter, in short?

Driller just sent me a compliment with a political message.

A message with a message.

You're brilliant. You've shown me the difference

between being happy and being miserable.

- And what is it? - Juanjo.

- Yes? - Hello, Jazz.

Hello.

It's been a long time, J.J. What's new with you?

Don't you know already?

Don't expect me to apologize. I don't regret anything I've done.

- You think that's why I'm calling? - Why are you calling?

I don't know, Jazz.

But we've got the whole night to find out.

8:00 at "Hookers"?

Perfect.

Tell me who he is.

- You don't know him. - You've never even mentioned him.

You like him. You really like him!

- You might even be in love! - I'll tear your head off!

You're not Juanjo.

- Surprised? - Disappointed.

- In me? - In me.

- I got caught by an idiot. - Really, you're caught by,

that is, in love with, a much bigger idiot.

You mean J.J?

No, I mean you.

So I'm in love with myself?

But cheer up, you're loved back.

You're calling me an idiot and an egomaniac.

- And a coward. - Expand on that.

Tell me this.

Why did you do all you've done, which was a lot,

when you could have been brave, called Juanjo

and asked him to marry you and not Celeste,

Jacinta?

Jacinta isn't around anymore. She died the night she met J.J.

J.J. isn't around either.

He fucked off when his girlfriend killed herself.

Now there's just Juanjo, Or Juan Jose, as Rebecca calls him.

Rebecca?

- Dark and attractive, not like you. - Yes. And quite a bitch, like you.

You like Rebecca, eh?

You know that J.J. is fucking her?

You know that the one not fucking J.J. is you?

If Rebecca fucks half as badly as Celeste, I soon will be.

- Who says Celeste fucks badly? - I do.

You're wicked, Jacinta. You have to redeem yourself.

Call Juanjo.

Apologize, and maybe you have

one chance in a million of getting him back.

If not, he'll be marrying Celeste soon.

Look.

Celeste will never go back to J.J.

He'll come back to me because he can't be alone.

And he was never happier than when we were together.

That's why I don't have to apologize to him.

And now,

kid,

go and jerk off with the memory of this conversation.

Well,

let's see what you can do with the memory of this.

The TV.

It can't be!

Yes, it can be.

Want to know how?

First, I got a hacker to send Celeste a message as Driller.

I've put the location and time of the gathering.

- Do I add something romantic? - Yes.

Put: "I'm going to fuck you more than George Bush fucked Iraq."

Yes, that's romantic.

Driller just sent me a compliment with a political message.

A message with a message.

And Driller thought he got a message from Celeste.

"Juanjo is insisting we try anal sex."

"But I want you to be the first."

So do I.

I'm invited to an opening.

For such a romantic date, we needed a place with charm.

And a camera, so that you could see everything.

Celeste, your worst nightmare is here.

Fuck this...

Miss me, puppy?

Did you miss me?

I love some gentle foreplay.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Come here.

Let go of me!

- You bit me! - You liked it!

It's hard! I knew it!

You're gay.

- I'm not gay! - You're gay.

- I'm not gay. - You're gay.

I'm not gay.

I'm not gay!

You're gay!

Yes!

Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes, you're gay.

According to statistics, one in ten men is gay.

Driller is ten times more man than the average,

so he had to be gay.

But there's more.

It's what it seems.

This is your fault.

Don't stop.

Sorry, sweetie.

Celeste...

We have to talk.

Look, I'm not as big a friend of Celeste as you are,

but couldn't a trauma like that send her back to what's safe?

To Juanjo?

Don't bother calling Celeste. The hacker blocked her cell.

Fuck!

Whatever you do, do it fast, because that happened...

Three hours ago!

By the way, I'm Nico.

A pleasure!

Taxi!

Let's go! They set a trap for you!

Jazz... Jazz...

It's true that Juanjo and I were together.

I know.

Celeste and I slept together! And she had her first orgasm with me!

- She told me. - OK.

Did he tell you he was with one of his students,

a real pain in the ass?

No, don't tell me. He told you that too, right?

- Yes. - I see.

So you've been telling each other the truth.

- You make me sick. - We're getting married.

- What? - In two days.

I never cancelled the wedding.

That's shit! I don't believe it.

Don't worry about Jazz. I bet she's over it already.

Come on, ladies in the back.

Nico!

Celeste!

I guess I owe you one. Thanks to you, I married Juanjo.

I certainly owe you one.

Thanks to you being such a slut, I got great grades.

I'm glad you came.

Why wouldn't I, Juan Jose?

I love you.

I'm looking at this wedding as a dress rehearsal for ours.

Rebec... Carmen, I'm not your type.

You need someone who completes you,

someone with attitude, with ambition,

with no scruples.

- Darling, you're radiant. - Thank you.

Heard that a lot today?

About 12,000 times, so don't insist.

No, I wasn't going to.

I've seen you much more radiant.

When?

In that alley with Driller,

in the kitchen in Giangrossi...

You should see the videos.

I've never seen you so happy.

You only met me today.

Yes.

Your wedding day.

Why are you doing this?

Curiosity. I want to see what happens now.

You know why I know I'm in love with you, Juan Jose?

Because to get you,

I'm willing to do the vilest, most despicable things.

Love is something wonderful that brings out the worst in us.

And if you let someone like me get away,

you'll regret it forever.

And you know it.

Juanjo, can I have a word?

Go with her, Juan Jose.

I'll be waiting for you.

What?

I don't love you.

Are you sure?

Yes.

How do you know?

I spent yesterday wishing you'd die in a car crash.

You wanted me to die?

I didn't want to marry you.

That's odd.

I did want to,

but I don't love you either.

Really?

I wanted to love you, because you suited me.

You're pretty, young, with values.

You're the father figure I always looked for in a man.

- Me? - Yes.

- No! - Yes, yes!

You're frustrated,

you're a coward,

like my father.

You'll live in chaos... but you know what'll emerge?

What?

You.

Your real you.

Juanjo,

this is the happiest day of my life.

Touching, eh?

You really want to be a politician?

Preferably a dictator.

Want to meet my parents?

Shouldn't we fuck first?

I'd fuck you to spite Juan Jose.

I'd fuck you to spite you.

The problem is you can't be alone.

You'll have to learn if you want to grow up.

I think I'm ready to be alone.

Jazz?

I left her, Jazz.

For you.

Because to get me you've done the vilest, most despicable things.

And love is something wonderful that brings out the worst in us.

And if I let someone like you get away,

I'll regret it forever.

And I know it.

J.J.!

I prefer Juanjo.

Juanjo,

do you think we can be happy?

I'm not going to change.

I want to live to the limit and, above all,

there is no way we'll have children!

That's it, that's it! FIVE YEARS LATER

A beautiful girl.

My little girl!

Kids, kids, look! At last!

Congratulations!

As you see, Jazz is living her maternity to the limit.

In her little free time she writes romantic novels

under the name of Jacinta Jazmin.

"The return of the girl in love with love".

I love that it ends with "The End".

As for Nico, his plans to rule the world are going well.

The president that Spain deserves! But there's a storm on the horizon

and its name is...

Celeste, a new novel, a new scandal.

"Sexual Tension Resolved".

In it, you accuse the presidential candidate here in Spain,

Nicolas Vidal,

of drug trafficking, blackmailing his professors,

having people beaten up,

of being a sexual pervert

and even of filming you while you were...

How can I put this?

- Fucking. - Very precise.

By the way, do you think he's the president Spain deserves?

I think so. I'll vote for him.

Then, why are you doing this?

Curiosity.

I want to see what happens now.

Mr. Vidal, do you think Celeste is doing this to sell more books?

It better be,

or else it's something weird.

What steps are you going to take?

The logical ones. When we win the election,

I'll make that harpy the Minister of Culture.

Thank you.

The moral?

Like they say,

love is something wonderful that brings out the worst in us.

But don't worry,

because from the worst of us

love can arise.

Welcome home, puppy.

- It's beautiful. - Like you.

I love you, amore!

THE END

UNRESOLVED SEXUAL TENSION