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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,862 --> 00:00:02,620 [upbeat traditional pop music] 2 00:00:02,620 --> 00:00:05,793 ♪ She was unemployed, unhappy, she had no cash ♪ 3 00:00:05,793 --> 00:00:08,620 ♪ Pretending to be classy but just poor white trash ♪ 4 00:00:08,620 --> 00:00:11,103 ♪ The tragic but true fact is a bitter aging actress ♪ 5 00:00:11,103 --> 00:00:14,551 ♪ Whose agent just recently dropped her ♪ 6 00:00:14,551 --> 00:00:17,137 ♪ Sitting on her ass drinkin' cheap boxed wine ♪ 7 00:00:17,137 --> 00:00:19,896 ♪ Till she took a bogus class while at home online ♪ 8 00:00:19,896 --> 00:00:22,862 ♪ Finished fast, came in last, barely passed ♪ 9 00:00:22,862 --> 00:00:26,103 ♪ Now the bitch calls herself a doctor ♪ 10 00:00:26,103 --> 00:00:29,206 ♪ Who would've guess that this phony would treat ♪ 11 00:00:29,206 --> 00:00:32,827 ♪ The craziest of the showbiz elite ♪ 12 00:00:32,827 --> 00:00:35,896 ♪ And now the only thing more distant and more scary ♪ 13 00:00:35,896 --> 00:00:39,103 ♪ Is her slutty blonde assistant, that dumb whore Sherry ♪ 14 00:00:39,103 --> 00:00:41,827 ♪ You don't wanna be on her client list ♪ 15 00:00:41,827 --> 00:00:44,862 ♪ It's Dr. Jackie 16 00:00:44,862 --> 00:00:48,965 ♪ The unlicensed psychotherapist ♪ 17 00:00:50,206 --> 00:00:51,172 [door slams] 18 00:00:51,172 --> 00:00:55,000 [bright traditional pop music] 19 00:00:56,379 --> 00:00:57,793 Good morning! 20 00:00:57,793 --> 00:00:59,034 Morning. 21 00:00:59,034 --> 00:01:01,103 Hey, I said, "Good morning," 22 00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:02,689 and you clearly only said, "Morning." 23 00:01:02,689 --> 00:01:04,034 Now, what's wrong? 24 00:01:04,034 --> 00:01:05,517 I had a bad dream. 25 00:01:05,517 --> 00:01:07,379 - Oh, you had a nightmare. - Huh? 26 00:01:07,379 --> 00:01:10,586 - A nightmare is the scientific term for a bad dream. 27 00:01:10,586 --> 00:01:13,620 Oh, yes, it was horrible. 28 00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:16,724 - Well, the first step of healing is get it out! 29 00:01:16,724 --> 00:01:18,103 No. No, no, no, I can't. 30 00:01:18,103 --> 00:01:19,620 I don't even wanna talk about it. 31 00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:22,862 - Sherry, nightmares are very common. 32 00:01:22,862 --> 00:01:25,206 Everyone has them. And guess what? 33 00:01:25,206 --> 00:01:27,896 A lot of people have the same nightmares. 34 00:01:27,896 --> 00:01:29,413 Oh my god, please tell me you didn't have the one 35 00:01:29,413 --> 00:01:30,344 where you were in a terrible car accident- 36 00:01:30,344 --> 00:01:31,551 [tires screeching] 37 00:01:31,551 --> 00:01:32,448 Where you go flying through the windshield- 38 00:01:32,448 --> 00:01:33,551 [glass clinking] And you land 39 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:34,758 on the street- [body thuds] 40 00:01:34,758 --> 00:01:37,620 In a crumpled heap right next to the detached 41 00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:38,896 rear-view mirror- [siren wailing] 42 00:01:38,896 --> 00:01:41,517 Which is inexplicably right next to your face, 43 00:01:41,517 --> 00:01:42,896 and you look into it. 44 00:01:42,896 --> 00:01:43,862 [dramatic orchestral music] And you scream, 45 00:01:43,862 --> 00:01:45,931 "My face, my beautiful face!" 46 00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:48,068 [victim screaming] 47 00:01:48,068 --> 00:01:49,137 No. 48 00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,103 I had a dream that Mr. Rogers 49 00:01:52,103 --> 00:01:54,241 and Betty White were my parents! 50 00:01:54,241 --> 00:01:56,758 - Well, Sherry, that sounds like a wonderful dream. 51 00:01:56,758 --> 00:01:59,103 No, they were total assholes! 52 00:01:59,103 --> 00:01:59,931 What? 53 00:01:59,931 --> 00:02:01,137 They're horrible. 54 00:02:01,137 --> 00:02:03,137 Mommy, Betty White, 55 00:02:03,137 --> 00:02:06,310 she's a drunk, and she calls me stupid cunt. 56 00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:10,517 And Daddy, Mr. Rogers, burned me with cigarettes! 57 00:02:10,517 --> 00:02:14,827 - Sherry, you can never tell anyone this dream. 58 00:02:14,827 --> 00:02:17,413 - [stutters] What happened to let it out? 59 00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:20,793 - That was before I realized how twisted and ugly it was! 60 00:02:20,793 --> 00:02:22,275 Now, what did I tell you 61 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:25,620 that time I accidentally backed over that basket of kittens? 62 00:02:25,620 --> 00:02:29,551 - Never underestimate the power of denial. 63 00:02:29,551 --> 00:02:31,172 Exactly. 64 00:02:31,172 --> 00:02:32,586 What bad dream? 65 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,758 What flattened kittens? 66 00:02:34,758 --> 00:02:36,793 Never happened, right? 67 00:02:36,793 --> 00:02:37,724 - [Sherry] Mm-hm. [Dr. Jackie laughs] 68 00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,620 All right, you let me know 69 00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:41,448 when my first appointment gets here. 70 00:02:41,448 --> 00:02:42,655 Okay. 71 00:02:42,655 --> 00:02:43,758 [Sherry chuckling] [door thuds] 72 00:02:43,758 --> 00:02:45,068 She crazy. [keyboard clacking] 73 00:02:45,068 --> 00:02:47,517 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh [typewriter clacking] 74 00:02:47,517 --> 00:02:49,275 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh [typewriter dings] 75 00:02:49,275 --> 00:02:51,448 Hello, uh, Rose Abdoo. 76 00:02:51,448 --> 00:02:52,724 How are you today? 77 00:02:52,724 --> 00:02:53,965 Very well, thank you. 78 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,482 - Abdoo, what kind of name is that? 79 00:02:56,482 --> 00:02:57,896 Oh, it's actually Lebanese. 80 00:02:57,896 --> 00:02:59,137 Oh. 81 00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,655 Abdoo, you know what that sounds like? 82 00:03:00,655 --> 00:03:02,896 That sounds like one of those pieces of exercise equipment 83 00:03:02,896 --> 00:03:04,517 that targets your stomach muscles, 84 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,034 that you might see on a late-night infomercial. 85 00:03:07,034 --> 00:03:08,344 [Dr. Jackie chuckling] 86 00:03:08,344 --> 00:03:12,000 "Order your Abdoo now, and get washboard abs 87 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,896 with only three minutes a day." [chuckles] 88 00:03:14,896 --> 00:03:17,172 They're always British or Australian. 89 00:03:17,172 --> 00:03:19,000 I guess Americans think, you know, 90 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,862 then, it's a, the product works. 91 00:03:21,862 --> 00:03:24,655 This is a therapy session, not "Shark Tank," right? 92 00:03:24,655 --> 00:03:28,551 Now, I notice you did not list your age on the intake sheet. 93 00:03:28,551 --> 00:03:31,206 - Well, my age has nothing to do with my problem. 94 00:03:31,206 --> 00:03:34,689 - Okay. Sometimes it helps to know though. 95 00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:39,344 Okay, well, why don't you tell me what's going on? 96 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,000 - Well, I'm an actress and- 97 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,965 - Oh, really? Have you been in anything I might've heard of? 98 00:03:42,965 --> 00:03:45,068 [sighs] "The Gilmore Girls," 99 00:03:45,068 --> 00:03:48,068 "That's So Raven," "The Comeback." 100 00:03:48,068 --> 00:03:49,241 No. 101 00:03:49,241 --> 00:03:53,000 - Um, "Grey's Anatomy," "Scandal," "Veep." 102 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,172 No, no, no. 103 00:03:55,172 --> 00:03:56,172 "Hacks." 104 00:03:56,172 --> 00:03:57,655 Yes! Oh my god, "Hacks!" 105 00:03:57,655 --> 00:03:59,344 I love "Hacks." "Hacks?" 106 00:03:59,344 --> 00:04:01,310 "Hacks." "Hacks." 107 00:04:01,310 --> 00:04:02,448 - "Hacks?" - [Rose] Mm-hm. 108 00:04:02,448 --> 00:04:04,931 Oh my god, "Hacks!" 109 00:04:04,931 --> 00:04:06,310 I love that show. 110 00:04:06,310 --> 00:04:09,896 Tell me, what's it like to work with Jean Smart? 111 00:04:09,896 --> 00:04:10,724 - Well- 112 00:04:10,724 --> 00:04:12,241 No, you can tell me. 113 00:04:12,241 --> 00:04:17,172 Anything you tell me here, in the sanctity of this office, 114 00:04:18,103 --> 00:04:20,275 I can't repeat to anyone. 115 00:04:21,413 --> 00:04:23,827 - Well, actually, [laughs] she's amazing. 116 00:04:23,827 --> 00:04:25,965 She's so talented and professional. 117 00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,655 Okay, I get it. 118 00:04:27,655 --> 00:04:30,586 She probably made you sign one of them DNRs, huh? 119 00:04:30,586 --> 00:04:31,724 You mean an NDA? 120 00:04:32,586 --> 00:04:35,241 TMI, WTF, LOL. 121 00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:37,551 Listen, I get it. You're scared, and it makes sense. 122 00:04:37,551 --> 00:04:42,517 I mean, an actress your age has to be walking on eggshells 123 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,241 because they keep hiring these fetuses with false eyelashes, 124 00:04:47,241 --> 00:04:50,310 you know, here in youth-obsessed Hollywood, 125 00:04:50,310 --> 00:04:53,206 for all the juicy parts these days. 126 00:04:53,206 --> 00:04:55,724 - No, I, I get work. That's not my problem. 127 00:04:55,724 --> 00:04:57,137 - Well, then what is your problem? 128 00:04:57,137 --> 00:04:58,551 Do you have an eating disorder? 129 00:04:58,551 --> 00:04:59,586 No. 130 00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:01,137 I was abducted by aliens. 131 00:05:01,137 --> 00:05:04,965 [spacey synth music] 132 00:05:04,965 --> 00:05:06,965 What color lipstick is that? 133 00:05:08,137 --> 00:05:09,931 - Dr. Jackie, did you hear what I said? 134 00:05:09,931 --> 00:05:11,275 I said I was abducted by aliens. 135 00:05:11,275 --> 00:05:12,620 [eerie electronic music] 136 00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:14,655 [stutters] Yes. I, I heard. 137 00:05:14,655 --> 00:05:17,620 I, that's, that's what I was, that, 138 00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:20,137 that's what I was afraid that's what you said. [laughing] 139 00:05:20,137 --> 00:05:23,310 [stuttering] Aliens. [exhales] 140 00:05:23,310 --> 00:05:24,448 Kiss Me, You Fool. 141 00:05:24,448 --> 00:05:25,965 What? 142 00:05:25,965 --> 00:05:28,517 - The name of the lipstick, it's Kiss Me, You Fool. 143 00:05:28,517 --> 00:05:29,965 Okay, full disclosure, 144 00:05:29,965 --> 00:05:32,379 I've been intermittent fasting, and I have a feeling 145 00:05:32,379 --> 00:05:36,034 I'm having a very low-blood-sugar moment right now. 146 00:05:36,034 --> 00:05:38,448 If you will excuse me for just one moment. 147 00:05:38,448 --> 00:05:39,655 Uh, Shirley? [phone beeps] 148 00:05:39,655 --> 00:05:42,965 Could you please bring me a cup of hot tea? 149 00:05:42,965 --> 00:05:44,655 [Sherry] It's Sherry. 150 00:05:44,655 --> 00:05:46,206 And which tea do you want, 151 00:05:46,206 --> 00:05:50,310 Fear Fighter or, uh, Anxiety Annihilator? 152 00:05:50,310 --> 00:05:53,000 - Uh, do you have anything called 153 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,206 The Woman in My Office Just Told Me 154 00:05:55,206 --> 00:05:57,206 She's Been Abducted by Aliens? [chuckles] 155 00:05:57,206 --> 00:05:58,758 - [Sherry] Um... - I'm kidding. 156 00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,344 [Sherry] No. 157 00:06:00,344 --> 00:06:01,689 Surprise me. 158 00:06:04,517 --> 00:06:06,206 Where were we? 159 00:06:06,206 --> 00:06:08,827 - I just told you I had been abducted by aliens. 160 00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:10,517 [spacey synth music] 161 00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:11,931 [exhales] Right. 162 00:06:11,931 --> 00:06:14,103 - It's actually been happening for years. 163 00:06:14,103 --> 00:06:15,206 - Yes. [footsteps clomping] 164 00:06:15,206 --> 00:06:16,034 Mm. 165 00:06:16,034 --> 00:06:17,172 Here you go! 166 00:06:18,655 --> 00:06:20,724 Thank you, Shirley. 167 00:06:20,724 --> 00:06:23,482 It's Sherry. 168 00:06:23,482 --> 00:06:26,000 Um, Sher, Sherry. 169 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,551 - [Sherry] Mm-hm? 170 00:06:27,551 --> 00:06:30,586 - This is Rose. Rose here is on that TV program, "Hacks." 171 00:06:30,586 --> 00:06:32,413 Ooh, that cooking show? 172 00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:33,862 No, that's "Chopped." 173 00:06:33,862 --> 00:06:35,379 [Sherry] Oh. 174 00:06:35,379 --> 00:06:38,206 - Rose here works with Jean Smart, who stars in the show. 175 00:06:38,206 --> 00:06:43,172 And Rose says that Jean Smart is amazing to work with. 176 00:06:44,379 --> 00:06:45,896 - Oh, I thought you legally weren't 177 00:06:45,896 --> 00:06:47,413 gonna say anything like that. [chuckles] 178 00:06:47,413 --> 00:06:50,068 - Oh, no, it's okay if it's something good, you know? 179 00:06:50,068 --> 00:06:52,620 I can't say anything negative, but if it's, you know... 180 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,344 It's like, it's like racism. 181 00:06:54,344 --> 00:06:55,206 What? 182 00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,413 No, it's like, 183 00:06:56,413 --> 00:06:59,034 if I say that Filipinos are warm and nurturing 184 00:06:59,034 --> 00:07:01,137 and, you know, so they make the best nurses, 185 00:07:01,137 --> 00:07:03,931 that's not racist because I'm saying something positive. 186 00:07:03,931 --> 00:07:05,620 Oh my god, can I please go? 187 00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:06,931 Thank you... 188 00:07:08,620 --> 00:07:12,068 Sherry. 189 00:07:13,310 --> 00:07:14,724 [Dr. Jackie slurping] 190 00:07:14,724 --> 00:07:15,551 [footsteps clomping] 191 00:07:15,551 --> 00:07:16,413 Dr. Jackie? 192 00:07:17,758 --> 00:07:18,896 Dr. Jackie? 193 00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:20,413 [Dr. Jackie slurps] 194 00:07:20,413 --> 00:07:22,103 [sighs] I just told you I was abducted by aliens. 195 00:07:22,103 --> 00:07:23,137 [spacey synth music] We can't pretend 196 00:07:23,137 --> 00:07:24,103 that it didn't happen. 197 00:07:24,103 --> 00:07:25,068 I think you're in denial. 198 00:07:26,827 --> 00:07:29,310 You know what? You're right... 199 00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:30,931 Rose. 200 00:07:30,931 --> 00:07:33,413 It's just that I have never had to deal 201 00:07:33,413 --> 00:07:36,448 with a problem like this, to be perfectly honest with you. 202 00:07:36,448 --> 00:07:41,413 When I went online and earned that degree, you know, 203 00:07:42,827 --> 00:07:46,724 there was no class on how to deal with someone who has been, 204 00:07:48,172 --> 00:07:50,103 who has been... 205 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,758 - Abducted by aliens? [spacey synth music] 206 00:07:51,758 --> 00:07:54,172 Yes. That. 207 00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:58,620 Well, as Maria says in "The Sound of Music," 208 00:07:58,620 --> 00:08:01,000 "Let's start at the very beginning. 209 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,517 That's a very good place to start." 210 00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,172 [Dr. Jackie laughing] 211 00:08:05,172 --> 00:08:06,689 Okay. 212 00:08:06,689 --> 00:08:09,620 Well, uh, the first time it happened, I was 18 years old. 213 00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:10,965 It was a long time ago, 214 00:08:10,965 --> 00:08:13,000 but, ah, I remember it like it was yesterday. 215 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,448 How long ago was that? 216 00:08:14,448 --> 00:08:15,620 Nice try, bitch. 217 00:08:16,862 --> 00:08:19,482 And I was in college, I was in a production, 218 00:08:19,482 --> 00:08:21,517 and I was just so nervous. 219 00:08:21,517 --> 00:08:24,689 I was a nervous wreck that I wouldn't remember my lines. 220 00:08:24,689 --> 00:08:27,068 And I remember I had to do this very thick Southern accent. 221 00:08:27,068 --> 00:08:28,482 "A Streetcar Named Desire?" 222 00:08:28,482 --> 00:08:30,344 "The Glass Menagerie." 223 00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:33,241 - You know, my receptionist Shirley has a friend, Amber, 224 00:08:33,241 --> 00:08:36,310 who was in a porno movie called "The Ass Menagerie." 225 00:08:36,310 --> 00:08:37,827 [Dr. Jackie chuckles] 226 00:08:37,827 --> 00:08:39,862 Please, go on. 227 00:08:39,862 --> 00:08:42,655 - So I remember, the night before opening night, 228 00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:45,413 I was lying in my bed, just such a nervous wreck. 229 00:08:45,413 --> 00:08:46,689 I couldn't sleep. 230 00:08:46,689 --> 00:08:47,896 [eerie electronic music] And suddenly, 231 00:08:47,896 --> 00:08:50,206 the room was bathed in a blinding white light. 232 00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:52,758 - Oh. You know, roommates can be so insensitive. 233 00:08:52,758 --> 00:08:55,482 You need to get yourself one of those sleep mask things. 234 00:08:55,482 --> 00:08:56,620 It was the aliens! 235 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:57,551 [percussion booming] 236 00:08:57,551 --> 00:08:59,103 Oh. 237 00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:00,586 - There were three of them. [eerie electronic music] 238 00:09:00,586 --> 00:09:03,310 And they were gray, and, and they had long fingers 239 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,413 and these round, shiny black eyes, 240 00:09:05,413 --> 00:09:07,068 straight out of central casting. 241 00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:08,620 [popcorn crunching] 242 00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:10,103 Oh my god, what happened next? 243 00:09:10,103 --> 00:09:11,482 I don't know. 244 00:09:11,482 --> 00:09:14,034 I woke up, and it was five hours later. 245 00:09:14,034 --> 00:09:15,275 Did your butt hurt? 246 00:09:15,275 --> 00:09:16,241 What? 247 00:09:16,241 --> 00:09:17,827 I'm sorry. Please, go on. 248 00:09:17,827 --> 00:09:19,551 - Oh, Dr. Jackie, I, I don't know how to say this. 249 00:09:19,551 --> 00:09:21,275 It was, it was... 250 00:09:21,275 --> 00:09:23,068 - It was the worst thing that ever happened 251 00:09:23,068 --> 00:09:24,448 to you in your life. 252 00:09:24,448 --> 00:09:28,034 It was a traumatizing experience that left you scarred 253 00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:30,551 and unable to differentiate 254 00:09:30,551 --> 00:09:34,103 between reality and hallucination. 255 00:09:34,103 --> 00:09:36,896 - No, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 256 00:09:36,896 --> 00:09:37,758 Say what? 257 00:09:37,758 --> 00:09:39,896 Well, I, I woke up, 258 00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:42,517 and [stutters] not only did I know my lines 259 00:09:42,517 --> 00:09:43,758 backwards and forwards- 260 00:09:43,758 --> 00:09:45,034 - Why would she need to know them backwards? 261 00:09:45,034 --> 00:09:47,068 I could do a Southern accent 262 00:09:47,068 --> 00:09:48,655 that would rival Sally Fields. 263 00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,862 And I just, I knew everything. 264 00:09:50,862 --> 00:09:52,620 I mean, I knew my lines. 265 00:09:52,620 --> 00:09:54,413 I was fully prepared. 266 00:09:54,413 --> 00:09:56,482 And ever since then, 267 00:09:56,482 --> 00:09:58,551 no matter what show or shoot that I'm doing, 268 00:09:58,551 --> 00:10:00,068 the night before, same thing. 269 00:10:00,068 --> 00:10:03,241 I'm in a room, it's bathed with a blinding white light, 270 00:10:03,241 --> 00:10:06,724 and I wake up five hours later fully prepared. 271 00:10:06,724 --> 00:10:10,068 I haven't cracked open a script in [chuckles] many years. 272 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,241 How many years? 273 00:10:11,241 --> 00:10:12,379 - You know you could just go online 274 00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,620 and look up my age, right? 275 00:10:14,551 --> 00:10:16,724 [nails tapping] 276 00:10:16,724 --> 00:10:18,551 Girl, you look good! 277 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:19,517 Thank you. 278 00:10:19,517 --> 00:10:20,793 But I'm confused. 279 00:10:20,793 --> 00:10:23,137 - I, I mean, I have an olive complexion, 280 00:10:23,137 --> 00:10:25,068 and I do try and follow a Mediterranean diet. 281 00:10:25,068 --> 00:10:26,620 No, no, no, what I mean is, 282 00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:29,793 if this whole alien abduction thing has been 100% positive, 283 00:10:29,793 --> 00:10:31,275 then what's the problem? 284 00:10:31,275 --> 00:10:34,758 - Well, the problem is, the very last time that it happened, 285 00:10:34,758 --> 00:10:37,586 the alien leader, his name is Reggie, 286 00:10:37,586 --> 00:10:40,241 he said that they were almost done with me. 287 00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:41,482 His name is Reggie? 288 00:10:41,482 --> 00:10:45,034 - Mm-hm, and apparently, 289 00:10:45,034 --> 00:10:47,310 they've come to the end of their experiments 290 00:10:47,310 --> 00:10:50,586 because they have enough information to understand 291 00:10:50,586 --> 00:10:53,310 that human beings only use a part of their brain 292 00:10:53,310 --> 00:10:55,448 to learn and, and retain information. 293 00:10:55,448 --> 00:10:58,241 - Well, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. 294 00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,034 Which do you wanna hear first? 295 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,620 The bad news. 296 00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:05,965 - Okay, the bad news is that an actress your age, 297 00:11:07,344 --> 00:11:09,827 opportunities for you are gonna start dryin' up, honey. 298 00:11:09,827 --> 00:11:11,827 That's just the way the world works. 299 00:11:11,827 --> 00:11:14,655 I don't make the rules. Don't kill the messenger. 300 00:11:14,655 --> 00:11:16,655 So it really doesn't matter how talented you are 301 00:11:16,655 --> 00:11:18,620 or how well you learn your lines 302 00:11:18,620 --> 00:11:21,827 or whether you can learn that dead-on accent 303 00:11:21,827 --> 00:11:23,551 of the woman who was born in Scotland 304 00:11:23,551 --> 00:11:27,137 but was raised in Alabama and currently lives in Zimbabwe. 305 00:11:27,137 --> 00:11:29,448 It's gonna be a moot point. 306 00:11:29,448 --> 00:11:30,793 What's the good news? 307 00:11:30,793 --> 00:11:32,310 Well, the good news is, 308 00:11:32,310 --> 00:11:34,344 on the off chance that you do continue getting work, 309 00:11:34,344 --> 00:11:36,310 and don't count on it, 310 00:11:36,310 --> 00:11:39,655 you've already proven that you can learn lines 311 00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:44,620 and learn those accents because your brain is amazing. 312 00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:48,793 I mean, if you don't walk away from this knowing that much, 313 00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:50,344 you are crazy. 314 00:11:50,344 --> 00:11:51,793 And that's something I'm not really supposed 315 00:11:51,793 --> 00:11:52,931 to say to people. 316 00:11:54,482 --> 00:11:57,689 - Oh my god, Dr. Jackie, you're right! 317 00:11:57,689 --> 00:11:59,758 I mean, did the aliens help me? 318 00:11:59,758 --> 00:12:01,379 Yes, but you're right! 319 00:12:01,379 --> 00:12:04,379 It was my brain that retained the information. 320 00:12:04,379 --> 00:12:08,413 - Exactly, just like that seminar online 321 00:12:08,413 --> 00:12:11,172 may not have taught me exactly how to deal 322 00:12:11,172 --> 00:12:14,206 with a situation or a patient like you, 323 00:12:14,206 --> 00:12:19,137 but my brain helped me put the pieces together and help you. 324 00:12:20,034 --> 00:12:21,103 Right, and you really did. 325 00:12:21,103 --> 00:12:22,034 Yeah, I did. 326 00:12:22,034 --> 00:12:23,206 Thank you so much, Dr. Jackie. 327 00:12:23,206 --> 00:12:24,172 Don't mention it. 328 00:12:24,172 --> 00:12:25,068 [Rose] Oh, thank you. 329 00:12:25,068 --> 00:12:27,931 [Dr. Jackie laughs and sighs] 330 00:12:27,931 --> 00:12:30,206 - Now, seriously, did your butt hurt? 331 00:12:30,206 --> 00:12:31,344 [Rose] A little. 332 00:12:31,344 --> 00:12:33,000 I knew it. Her butt hurt. 333 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,896 Her butt hurt. 334 00:12:35,896 --> 00:12:37,517 ♪ Ooh, ooh [door slams] 335 00:12:37,517 --> 00:12:39,000 ♪ Ooh-ooh [phone ringing] 336 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:39,827 [phone chimes] 337 00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,241 Dr. Jackie here. 338 00:12:41,241 --> 00:12:43,413 - Oh, thank God you answered, Dr. Jackie. 339 00:12:43,413 --> 00:12:45,413 It's me, Jane Lynch. 340 00:12:45,413 --> 00:12:47,379 Oh, hey, Jane. What's up? 341 00:12:47,379 --> 00:12:48,758 I have to talk quick. 342 00:12:48,758 --> 00:12:50,551 I'm at the premiere of a Broadway show. 343 00:12:50,551 --> 00:12:52,241 - What's going on? You sound frantic. 344 00:12:52,241 --> 00:12:55,379 - A dear friend of mine got me a front-row ticket 345 00:12:55,379 --> 00:12:58,206 to the premiere of their brand-new musical on Broadway, 346 00:12:58,206 --> 00:12:59,896 and stupid me here 347 00:12:59,896 --> 00:13:02,103 made the mistake of eating a huge plate 348 00:13:02,103 --> 00:13:06,068 of steamed broccoli, cauliflower, and cabbage 349 00:13:06,965 --> 00:13:09,000 less than 45 minutes ago. 350 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,103 - That sounds delicious and nutritious, 351 00:13:11,103 --> 00:13:12,655 so what's the problem? 352 00:13:12,655 --> 00:13:15,310 - My only choices now are to leave 353 00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:18,655 and have my friends see my empty seat front row and center, 354 00:13:18,655 --> 00:13:21,413 or run the risk of becoming an honorary member 355 00:13:21,413 --> 00:13:24,103 of the horn section, if you know what I mean. 356 00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:26,103 Jane, honey, look around. 357 00:13:26,103 --> 00:13:27,689 Are there any celebrities 358 00:13:27,689 --> 00:13:30,965 that look like the type that might shamelessly crop dust? 359 00:13:30,965 --> 00:13:33,000 - I'm sitting between Johnny Knoxville 360 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,517 and Kristin Chenoweth. 361 00:13:34,517 --> 00:13:36,275 - Well, then it seems rather obvious 362 00:13:36,275 --> 00:13:38,241 who you should blame it on. 363 00:13:38,241 --> 00:13:39,689 Oh, God, it's happening. 364 00:13:39,689 --> 00:13:42,000 [strains] Dear Liza on a cross-stich pillow, 365 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,413 I can't hold it any longer. 366 00:13:43,413 --> 00:13:45,586 [Jane tooting] 367 00:13:45,586 --> 00:13:46,448 [Jane grunts] 368 00:13:46,448 --> 00:13:48,965 [audience chattering] 369 00:13:48,965 --> 00:13:52,896 Kristin Chenoweth, shame on you. 370 00:13:52,896 --> 00:13:54,103 Thank you, Dr. Jackie. 371 00:13:54,103 --> 00:13:55,275 Show's about to start. [audience clapping] 372 00:13:55,275 --> 00:13:56,827 Check your pants. 373 00:13:56,827 --> 00:13:57,655 [phone beeping] 374 00:13:57,655 --> 00:13:59,275 [Dr. Jackie toots] 375 00:13:59,275 --> 00:14:00,241 [Dr. Jackie exhales] 376 00:14:00,241 --> 00:14:03,793 [bright traditional pop music] 377 00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:05,482 ♪ Ah 378 00:14:05,482 --> 00:14:06,724 [Dr. Jackie belches] 379 00:14:06,724 --> 00:14:08,965 - Welcome back from lunch, Dr. Jackie. 380 00:14:08,965 --> 00:14:11,206 I spent my lunch walking through the park. 381 00:14:11,206 --> 00:14:13,689 Oh, what a glorious day. 382 00:14:13,689 --> 00:14:15,000 - Well, it sounds like somebody forgot 383 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,827 all about that nightmare. [chuckles] 384 00:14:16,827 --> 00:14:18,344 Huh? 385 00:14:18,344 --> 00:14:19,689 - I'm sorry, sometimes I get a little carried away 386 00:14:19,689 --> 00:14:21,655 with the psychological jargon. 387 00:14:21,655 --> 00:14:23,620 That bad dream you had. 388 00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:24,896 What bad dream? 389 00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:26,379 Exactly. 390 00:14:26,379 --> 00:14:28,655 No, seriously. 391 00:14:28,655 --> 00:14:30,344 What bad dream? 392 00:14:30,344 --> 00:14:32,517 - Oh boy, you know what this reminds me of? 393 00:14:32,517 --> 00:14:35,724 It reminds me of when I first adopted Captain Picard. 394 00:14:35,724 --> 00:14:38,137 - Your adorable Chihuahua-wolfhound mix? 395 00:14:38,137 --> 00:14:40,206 Yes, the Chiwolfua. 396 00:14:40,206 --> 00:14:41,724 When I first got him as a puppy, 397 00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:44,344 he would get so excited when I finally came home from work. 398 00:14:44,344 --> 00:14:47,896 And I would think to myself, "Oh, he loves his mommy!" 399 00:14:47,896 --> 00:14:49,137 And then, one morning, 400 00:14:49,137 --> 00:14:51,241 I forgot my smoothie on the kitchen counter, 401 00:14:51,241 --> 00:14:53,379 and I went right back three minutes later, 402 00:14:53,379 --> 00:14:55,655 and he acted just as excited. 403 00:14:55,655 --> 00:14:57,344 And then it dawned on me. 404 00:14:57,344 --> 00:15:00,758 Oh, he's just stupid. 405 00:15:00,758 --> 00:15:03,379 - I can't remember what we were talking about 406 00:15:03,379 --> 00:15:05,137 that would make you think of that. 407 00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:06,413 I know. 408 00:15:06,413 --> 00:15:09,379 And trust me, that's a blessing, you simpleton. 409 00:15:09,379 --> 00:15:11,655 Actually, I'm a Pisces. 410 00:15:11,655 --> 00:15:14,137 But Dr. Jackie, just so you know, 411 00:15:14,137 --> 00:15:17,827 just like Captain Picard, I will always be here for you. 412 00:15:17,827 --> 00:15:20,965 And no matter how long you are gone, 413 00:15:20,965 --> 00:15:23,310 I'll be excited to see you. 414 00:15:23,310 --> 00:15:24,482 Oh. [chuckles] 415 00:15:24,482 --> 00:15:25,965 Now, are you really this clueless, 416 00:15:25,965 --> 00:15:27,862 or are you just trying to suck all the fun 417 00:15:27,862 --> 00:15:29,551 outta me being mean to you? [chuckles] 418 00:15:29,551 --> 00:15:30,965 I guess we'll never know. 419 00:15:30,965 --> 00:15:32,241 [Dr. Jackie and Sherry chuckle] 420 00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:33,379 Now, you'd better go to your office. 421 00:15:33,379 --> 00:15:34,758 - Okay. - Get comfortable. 422 00:15:34,758 --> 00:15:37,241 Kick off those extra-wide shoes. 423 00:15:37,241 --> 00:15:39,068 Pour yourself a big cup 424 00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:41,931 of that fermented potato juice you love, 425 00:15:41,931 --> 00:15:44,068 'cause your next appointment's almost here. 426 00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,793 Her name is Trixie Mattel. 427 00:15:45,793 --> 00:15:47,034 Oh. 428 00:15:47,034 --> 00:15:50,758 - She's young, pretty, rich, and famous. 429 00:15:50,758 --> 00:15:55,586 So you better fill that cup all the way to the top. [laughs] 430 00:15:57,275 --> 00:15:58,310 [door thuds] 431 00:15:58,310 --> 00:15:59,724 Simpleton. 432 00:15:59,724 --> 00:16:02,206 [typewriter clacking] ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh 433 00:16:02,206 --> 00:16:03,862 [typewriter dings] ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh 434 00:16:03,862 --> 00:16:05,344 Hello, Trixie! 435 00:16:05,344 --> 00:16:06,827 You know, before we start, I just wanna tell you 436 00:16:06,827 --> 00:16:10,379 that my receptionist Shirley is a big fan of yours. 437 00:16:10,379 --> 00:16:12,379 - Aw. Well, that's always nice to hear. 438 00:16:12,379 --> 00:16:13,862 Yes, I would imagine it is, 439 00:16:13,862 --> 00:16:16,413 especially since you probably don't hear it very often. 440 00:16:18,482 --> 00:16:20,517 - I'm sorry, what is that supposed to mean? 441 00:16:20,517 --> 00:16:22,482 - Oh, it just means that you're such a big star now. 442 00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,482 You probably don't get up-close-and-personal time 443 00:16:24,482 --> 00:16:25,862 with your fans. 444 00:16:25,862 --> 00:16:27,172 Oh! 445 00:16:27,172 --> 00:16:28,724 Yes, that's true. 446 00:16:28,724 --> 00:16:30,275 - Yeah, unless they pay a ridiculous amount of money 447 00:16:30,275 --> 00:16:32,344 for the meet-and-greet, right? [chuckles] 448 00:16:32,344 --> 00:16:33,344 Excuse me? 449 00:16:33,344 --> 00:16:34,862 - I said, unless they pay a- 450 00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:36,965 Yeah, I heard you. 451 00:16:36,965 --> 00:16:38,724 You're loud. 452 00:16:38,724 --> 00:16:42,137 I just don't understand why you're being so shady. 453 00:16:42,137 --> 00:16:42,965 Shady? 454 00:16:42,965 --> 00:16:44,275 What is your problem? 455 00:16:44,275 --> 00:16:46,448 - You know, actually, as the psychotherapist, 456 00:16:46,448 --> 00:16:47,793 I think I should be asking you, 457 00:16:47,793 --> 00:16:49,827 the crazy patient, that question. 458 00:16:49,827 --> 00:16:53,620 So, oh my god, what is your problem? 459 00:16:53,620 --> 00:16:55,620 No, seriously. What's wrong? 460 00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:57,103 Listen, I'm here to help you. 461 00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:58,965 - Well, my problem- 462 00:16:58,965 --> 00:16:59,793 Yes. 463 00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:00,896 - Well, my problem is- 464 00:17:00,896 --> 00:17:03,241 You can tell me. 465 00:17:03,241 --> 00:17:06,206 - My problem is that I don't have a problem. 466 00:17:07,724 --> 00:17:09,379 I'm incredibly thin. 467 00:17:09,379 --> 00:17:12,586 I'm insanely rich, wildly successful, 468 00:17:12,586 --> 00:17:14,793 outrageously beautiful. 469 00:17:14,793 --> 00:17:18,206 - And don't forget, not delusional at all. 470 00:17:18,206 --> 00:17:21,034 Thank you. I mean, look at me. 471 00:17:21,034 --> 00:17:23,103 I'd rather not. 472 00:17:23,103 --> 00:17:25,206 I won "Drag Race All Stars." 473 00:17:25,206 --> 00:17:28,206 I travel all over the world, doing my shows. 474 00:17:28,206 --> 00:17:31,896 I am a bestselling author and a kickass DJ. 475 00:17:31,896 --> 00:17:34,275 I have a successful cosmetics empire. 476 00:17:34,275 --> 00:17:35,344 [chimes tinkling] [Trixie gasps] 477 00:17:35,344 --> 00:17:37,000 - Ooh. - [Audience] Wow! 478 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,379 Did you get that? 479 00:17:38,379 --> 00:17:40,034 You got it. Okay. 480 00:17:40,034 --> 00:17:42,551 I own a kitschy little motel in Palm Springs. 481 00:17:42,551 --> 00:17:47,206 And, Dr. Jackie, I have a combined 4.5 million followers 482 00:17:47,206 --> 00:17:48,551 on Twitter and Instagram. 483 00:17:48,551 --> 00:17:49,482 [Trixie grunts] 484 00:17:49,482 --> 00:17:50,965 Nice try. 485 00:17:50,965 --> 00:17:53,034 There aren't even that many people on the planet. 486 00:17:53,034 --> 00:17:53,931 [Dr. Jackie chuckling] 487 00:17:53,931 --> 00:17:55,034 I guess I just feel left out. 488 00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:57,275 I mean, nobody feels bad for me 489 00:17:57,275 --> 00:17:59,724 because everything in my life is perfect. 490 00:17:59,724 --> 00:18:02,068 - All right, let's take a closer look at this, shall we? 491 00:18:02,068 --> 00:18:02,896 [tense electronic music] 492 00:18:02,896 --> 00:18:04,413 Did you win "All Stars?" 493 00:18:04,413 --> 00:18:06,827 Yes, you did. Congratulations. 494 00:18:06,827 --> 00:18:08,758 But why don't we focus on the fact 495 00:18:08,758 --> 00:18:10,517 that you didn't win "Drag Race" 496 00:18:10,517 --> 00:18:12,448 the first time you were on the show, 497 00:18:12,448 --> 00:18:14,793 so technically, you're a loser. 498 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,931 I guess. 499 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,310 Say it. 500 00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:20,586 Say what? 501 00:18:20,586 --> 00:18:21,827 Say you're a loser. 502 00:18:21,827 --> 00:18:24,241 Listen, I'm only trying to help you. 503 00:18:24,241 --> 00:18:26,068 [chuckling] Okay. 504 00:18:27,620 --> 00:18:30,000 [hands clap] [Trixie exhales] 505 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,000 I'm a loser. 506 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,275 Yes. 507 00:18:32,275 --> 00:18:35,586 Now, you travel all over the world, doing shows, 508 00:18:35,586 --> 00:18:37,103 but you do those shows 509 00:18:37,103 --> 00:18:39,758 with Katya and Kelly Mantle. [tense electronic music] 510 00:18:39,758 --> 00:18:41,172 Oh my god! 511 00:18:41,172 --> 00:18:43,517 One is bonkers with a capital F, 512 00:18:43,517 --> 00:18:46,379 and the other went home from "Drag Race" first. 513 00:18:46,379 --> 00:18:48,965 Ooh! Not good. 514 00:18:48,965 --> 00:18:50,620 I do solo shows too. 515 00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:53,689 - Oh, you sing country music, so shut the fuck up, Reba. 516 00:18:53,689 --> 00:18:54,586 "Hey, everybody. [upbeat country music] 517 00:18:54,586 --> 00:18:56,103 I'm a drag queen. 518 00:18:56,103 --> 00:18:58,620 I should be singing about poppers and fingernails. 519 00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:01,068 But I'm up here singing about biscuit dough 520 00:19:01,068 --> 00:19:03,310 and how my husband gave me a black eye. 521 00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:05,241 I'm ironic." 522 00:19:05,241 --> 00:19:07,344 - I do not sound like, I do not sound like that. 523 00:19:07,344 --> 00:19:09,172 I don't sound like that. 524 00:19:09,172 --> 00:19:10,344 What's next? 525 00:19:10,344 --> 00:19:11,586 [tense electronic music] Bestselling author. 526 00:19:11,586 --> 00:19:14,137 [laughs] Bestselling author. 527 00:19:14,137 --> 00:19:16,862 I read one of your books, and uh, 528 00:19:16,862 --> 00:19:18,965 hmm, it was mostly pictures. 529 00:19:18,965 --> 00:19:21,586 And those pictures were so photoshopped, 530 00:19:21,586 --> 00:19:24,206 I thought I needed LASIK surgery. 531 00:19:25,241 --> 00:19:26,241 Next. 532 00:19:26,241 --> 00:19:27,517 I'm a DJ. 533 00:19:27,517 --> 00:19:28,827 - You push play on a pink laptop. 534 00:19:28,827 --> 00:19:30,310 Big whoop. Next. 535 00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:31,862 My makeup is iconic. 536 00:19:31,862 --> 00:19:34,517 - Girl, you look like you cut off Kim Chi's face, 537 00:19:34,517 --> 00:19:36,344 and you're wearing it like a mask 538 00:19:36,344 --> 00:19:39,413 in some twisted mashup of "Silence of the Lambs" 539 00:19:39,413 --> 00:19:41,137 and "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert." 540 00:19:41,137 --> 00:19:42,172 Next! 541 00:19:42,172 --> 00:19:43,620 I still have my motel. 542 00:19:43,620 --> 00:19:45,068 Congratulations! 543 00:19:45,068 --> 00:19:47,827 You're the second most popular cross-dresser 544 00:19:47,827 --> 00:19:50,068 to own a creepy motel. 545 00:19:50,068 --> 00:19:51,724 Hate to break it to you, Trixie, 546 00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:55,137 but Norman Bates of "Psycho" is still number one. 547 00:19:55,137 --> 00:19:56,310 Next! 548 00:19:56,310 --> 00:19:59,344 Well, Dr. Jackie, [sniffs] 549 00:19:59,344 --> 00:20:04,310 I still have 4.5 million followers on Instagram and Twitter. 550 00:20:05,517 --> 00:20:07,000 - About that, I did a little research. 551 00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,655 Let's crunch the numbers. 552 00:20:08,655 --> 00:20:09,896 [Dr. Jackie giggles] [tense electronic music] 553 00:20:09,896 --> 00:20:13,172 4.4 million of them are actually cats and dogs, 554 00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:15,517 3/4 of 1 million are Russian bots, 555 00:20:15,517 --> 00:20:19,827 and 245,517 are actually dead people. 556 00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,862 So hmm, let's do the math. 557 00:20:21,862 --> 00:20:26,034 That leaves a whopping 483 actual followers. 558 00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:30,137 - Well, I guess you can't argue with the numbers. 559 00:20:30,137 --> 00:20:31,517 You really can't. 560 00:20:31,517 --> 00:20:34,517 I mean, you can, but you'd lose. [chuckles] 561 00:20:34,517 --> 00:20:38,000 So, [sniffs] how does that make you feel? 562 00:20:40,827 --> 00:20:43,689 I feel [sniffles] 563 00:20:44,655 --> 00:20:46,241 actually great. 564 00:20:46,241 --> 00:20:47,482 I feel basic. 565 00:20:48,655 --> 00:20:49,896 [triumphant horns blaring] 566 00:20:49,896 --> 00:20:51,586 - Yay! [stars and audience clapping] 567 00:20:51,586 --> 00:20:53,172 - Mission accomplished! - Yay! 568 00:20:53,172 --> 00:20:55,310 - I mean, this is what you wanted. 569 00:20:55,310 --> 00:20:58,344 When you first called me and asked if I could berate, 570 00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:01,413 insult, and humiliate you, do you remember what I told you? 571 00:21:01,413 --> 00:21:04,068 - You told me that I could hire a hustler, 572 00:21:04,068 --> 00:21:07,896 pay them to shit on my chest, piss in my mouth, 573 00:21:07,896 --> 00:21:10,034 all for cheaper than your hourly rate. 574 00:21:10,034 --> 00:21:12,103 - Yes, and I also told you I wasn't sure 575 00:21:12,103 --> 00:21:15,896 if I could even do it, because to be really honest with you, 576 00:21:15,896 --> 00:21:18,758 being this negative does not come naturally to me. 577 00:21:18,758 --> 00:21:20,758 It is not my thing. 578 00:21:20,758 --> 00:21:23,241 But when you told me why you wanted me 579 00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:27,793 to knock you down a few pegs, I understood. 580 00:21:27,793 --> 00:21:28,931 I got it. 581 00:21:28,931 --> 00:21:31,413 - It's just so exhausting, you know, 582 00:21:31,413 --> 00:21:34,793 being so flawless, perfect, and successful. 583 00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,068 Oh, you poor thing. 584 00:21:36,068 --> 00:21:38,137 I can't even imagine. That must be terrible. 585 00:21:38,137 --> 00:21:40,620 Well, not anymore. 586 00:21:40,620 --> 00:21:43,551 I guess I'm gonna go home and get online 587 00:21:43,551 --> 00:21:45,586 and start complaining about my shitty life. 588 00:21:45,586 --> 00:21:48,344 - Oh my god, honey, I am so happy for you. 589 00:21:48,344 --> 00:21:49,241 Have fun! 590 00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:50,206 Mm. 591 00:21:50,206 --> 00:21:52,103 Thanks, Dr. Jackie. 592 00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:54,206 [Dr. Jackie laughs and sighs] 593 00:21:54,206 --> 00:21:55,034 - [microphone booms] - Bye, oh. [blows raspberry] 594 00:21:55,034 --> 00:21:56,034 [producer laughs] 595 00:21:56,034 --> 00:21:57,551 [Dr. Jackie sighs] 596 00:21:57,551 --> 00:21:59,620 Fucking loser. 597 00:21:59,620 --> 00:22:01,000 She's a fuckin' loser. 598 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,034 [upbeat traditional pop music] 599 00:22:02,034 --> 00:22:03,517 [door slams] ♪ Ah 600 00:22:03,517 --> 00:22:06,172 - Uh, hi, Dr. Jackie. It's Neil Patrick Harris. 601 00:22:06,172 --> 00:22:08,310 David Burtka, and, uh, 602 00:22:08,310 --> 00:22:10,482 we're the creators of "Drag Me to Dinner," and- 603 00:22:10,482 --> 00:22:11,793 We are, yeah. 604 00:22:11,793 --> 00:22:15,344 - And we're so entirely grateful for all the, 605 00:22:15,344 --> 00:22:17,448 the help you've given us through the years. 606 00:22:17,448 --> 00:22:19,034 - We really did just wanna say thank you. 607 00:22:19,034 --> 00:22:22,103 We, we had some serious problems with our, 608 00:22:22,103 --> 00:22:24,206 I guess, emotional, romantic- 609 00:22:24,206 --> 00:22:25,482 Love life. 610 00:22:25,482 --> 00:22:27,310 - Love life, and you really helped us out. 611 00:22:27,310 --> 00:22:29,103 - As a therapist, you're super smart, 612 00:22:29,103 --> 00:22:30,965 and you're on the, you're on the, you know, 613 00:22:30,965 --> 00:22:33,517 right track with, with everything you possibly say, and we- 614 00:22:33,517 --> 00:22:34,931 - Very clinical. - Yeah. 615 00:22:34,931 --> 00:22:37,724 And you also taught us, um, 616 00:22:37,724 --> 00:22:41,103 how to kinda rekindle the romance sexually. 617 00:22:41,103 --> 00:22:42,896 So if you don't mind, we're gonna go, uh, 618 00:22:42,896 --> 00:22:44,137 we're gonna go take care of that right now. 619 00:22:44,137 --> 00:22:45,517 You know it. 620 00:22:45,517 --> 00:22:47,482 - What about when I suggested having a three-way? 621 00:22:47,482 --> 00:22:50,620 [Dr. Jackie laughing] 622 00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:55,220 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 45004

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