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[upbeat traditional pop music]
2
00:00:02,620 --> 00:00:05,793
♪ She was unemployed,
unhappy, she had no cash ♪
3
00:00:05,793 --> 00:00:08,620
♪ Pretending to be classy
but just poor white trash ♪
4
00:00:08,620 --> 00:00:11,103
♪ The tragic but true fact
is a bitter aging actress ♪
5
00:00:11,103 --> 00:00:14,551
♪ Whose agent just
recently dropped her ♪
6
00:00:14,551 --> 00:00:17,137
♪ Sitting on her ass
drinkin' cheap boxed wine ♪
7
00:00:17,137 --> 00:00:19,896
♪ Till she took a bogus
class while at home online ♪
8
00:00:19,896 --> 00:00:22,862
♪ Finished fast, came
in last, barely passed ♪
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00:00:22,862 --> 00:00:26,103
♪ Now the bitch calls
herself a doctor ♪
10
00:00:26,103 --> 00:00:29,206
♪ Who would've guess that
this phony would treat ♪
11
00:00:29,206 --> 00:00:32,827
♪ The craziest of
the showbiz elite ♪
12
00:00:32,827 --> 00:00:35,896
♪ And now the only thing
more distant and more scary ♪
13
00:00:35,896 --> 00:00:39,103
♪ Is her slutty
blonde assistant, that dumb whore Sherry ♪
14
00:00:39,103 --> 00:00:41,827
♪ You don't wanna be
on her client list ♪
15
00:00:41,827 --> 00:00:44,862
♪ It's Dr. Jackie
16
00:00:44,862 --> 00:00:48,965
♪ The unlicensed
psychotherapist ♪
17
00:00:50,206 --> 00:00:51,172
[door slams]
18
00:00:51,172 --> 00:00:55,000
[bright traditional pop music]
19
00:00:56,379 --> 00:00:57,793
Good morning!
20
00:00:57,793 --> 00:00:59,034
Morning.
21
00:00:59,034 --> 00:01:01,103
Hey, I said, "Good morning,"
22
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:02,689
and you clearly only
said, "Morning."
23
00:01:02,689 --> 00:01:04,034
Now, what's wrong?
24
00:01:04,034 --> 00:01:05,517
I had a bad dream.
25
00:01:05,517 --> 00:01:07,379
- Oh, you had a nightmare.
- Huh?
26
00:01:07,379 --> 00:01:10,586
- A nightmare is the scientific
term for a bad dream.
27
00:01:10,586 --> 00:01:13,620
Oh, yes, it was horrible.
28
00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:16,724
- Well, the first step
of healing is get it out!
29
00:01:16,724 --> 00:01:18,103
No. No, no, no, I can't.
30
00:01:18,103 --> 00:01:19,620
I don't even wanna
talk about it.
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00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:22,862
- Sherry, nightmares
are very common.
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Everyone has them.
And guess what?
33
00:01:25,206 --> 00:01:27,896
A lot of people have
the same nightmares.
34
00:01:27,896 --> 00:01:29,413
Oh my god, please tell me
you didn't have the one
35
00:01:29,413 --> 00:01:30,344
where you were in a
terrible car accident-
36
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[tires screeching]
37
00:01:31,551 --> 00:01:32,448
Where you go flying
through the windshield-
38
00:01:32,448 --> 00:01:33,551
[glass clinking]
And you land
39
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:34,758
on the street-
[body thuds]
40
00:01:34,758 --> 00:01:37,620
In a crumpled heap right
next to the detached
41
00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:38,896
rear-view mirror-
[siren wailing]
42
00:01:38,896 --> 00:01:41,517
Which is inexplicably
right next to your face,
43
00:01:41,517 --> 00:01:42,896
and you look into it.
44
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[dramatic orchestral music]
And you scream,
45
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"My face, my beautiful face!"
46
00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:48,068
[victim screaming]
47
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No.
48
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,103
I had a dream that Mr. Rogers
49
00:01:52,103 --> 00:01:54,241
and Betty White were my parents!
50
00:01:54,241 --> 00:01:56,758
- Well, Sherry, that sounds
like a wonderful dream.
51
00:01:56,758 --> 00:01:59,103
No, they were total assholes!
52
00:01:59,103 --> 00:01:59,931
What?
53
00:01:59,931 --> 00:02:01,137
They're horrible.
54
00:02:01,137 --> 00:02:03,137
Mommy, Betty White,
55
00:02:03,137 --> 00:02:06,310
she's a drunk, and she
calls me stupid cunt.
56
00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:10,517
And Daddy, Mr. Rogers,
burned me with cigarettes!
57
00:02:10,517 --> 00:02:14,827
- Sherry, you can never
tell anyone this dream.
58
00:02:14,827 --> 00:02:17,413
- [stutters] What
happened to let it out?
59
00:02:17,413 --> 00:02:20,793
- That was before I realized
how twisted and ugly it was!
60
00:02:20,793 --> 00:02:22,275
Now, what did I tell you
61
00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:25,620
that time I accidentally backed
over that basket of kittens?
62
00:02:25,620 --> 00:02:29,551
- Never underestimate
the power of denial.
63
00:02:29,551 --> 00:02:31,172
Exactly.
64
00:02:31,172 --> 00:02:32,586
What bad dream?
65
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,758
What flattened kittens?
66
00:02:34,758 --> 00:02:36,793
Never happened, right?
67
00:02:36,793 --> 00:02:37,724
- [Sherry] Mm-hm.
[Dr. Jackie laughs]
68
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,620
All right, you let me know
69
00:02:39,620 --> 00:02:41,448
when my first
appointment gets here.
70
00:02:41,448 --> 00:02:42,655
Okay.
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00:02:42,655 --> 00:02:43,758
[Sherry chuckling]
[door thuds]
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She crazy.
[keyboard clacking]
73
00:02:45,068 --> 00:02:47,517
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
[typewriter clacking]
74
00:02:47,517 --> 00:02:49,275
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh
[typewriter dings]
75
00:02:49,275 --> 00:02:51,448
Hello, uh, Rose Abdoo.
76
00:02:51,448 --> 00:02:52,724
How are you today?
77
00:02:52,724 --> 00:02:53,965
Very well, thank you.
78
00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,482
- Abdoo, what kind
of name is that?
79
00:02:56,482 --> 00:02:57,896
Oh, it's actually Lebanese.
80
00:02:57,896 --> 00:02:59,137
Oh.
81
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:00,655
Abdoo, you know what
that sounds like?
82
00:03:00,655 --> 00:03:02,896
That sounds like one of those
pieces of exercise equipment
83
00:03:02,896 --> 00:03:04,517
that targets your
stomach muscles,
84
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,034
that you might see on a
late-night infomercial.
85
00:03:07,034 --> 00:03:08,344
[Dr. Jackie chuckling]
86
00:03:08,344 --> 00:03:12,000
"Order your Abdoo now,
and get washboard abs
87
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,896
with only three minutes
a day." [chuckles]
88
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They're always
British or Australian.
89
00:03:17,172 --> 00:03:19,000
I guess Americans
think, you know,
90
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,862
then, it's a, the product works.
91
00:03:21,862 --> 00:03:24,655
This is a therapy session,
not "Shark Tank," right?
92
00:03:24,655 --> 00:03:28,551
Now, I notice you did not list
your age on the intake sheet.
93
00:03:28,551 --> 00:03:31,206
- Well, my age has nothing
to do with my problem.
94
00:03:31,206 --> 00:03:34,689
- Okay. Sometimes it
helps to know though.
95
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:39,344
Okay, well, why don't you
tell me what's going on?
96
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,000
- Well, I'm an actress and-
97
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,965
- Oh, really? Have you been in
anything I might've heard of?
98
00:03:42,965 --> 00:03:45,068
[sighs] "The Gilmore Girls,"
99
00:03:45,068 --> 00:03:48,068
"That's So Raven,"
"The Comeback."
100
00:03:48,068 --> 00:03:49,241
No.
101
00:03:49,241 --> 00:03:53,000
- Um, "Grey's Anatomy,"
"Scandal," "Veep."
102
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,172
No, no, no.
103
00:03:55,172 --> 00:03:56,172
"Hacks."
104
00:03:56,172 --> 00:03:57,655
Yes! Oh my god, "Hacks!"
105
00:03:57,655 --> 00:03:59,344
I love "Hacks." "Hacks?"
106
00:03:59,344 --> 00:04:01,310
"Hacks." "Hacks."
107
00:04:01,310 --> 00:04:02,448
- "Hacks?"
- [Rose] Mm-hm.
108
00:04:02,448 --> 00:04:04,931
Oh my god, "Hacks!"
109
00:04:04,931 --> 00:04:06,310
I love that show.
110
00:04:06,310 --> 00:04:09,896
Tell me, what's it like
to work with Jean Smart?
111
00:04:09,896 --> 00:04:10,724
- Well-
112
00:04:10,724 --> 00:04:12,241
No, you can tell me.
113
00:04:12,241 --> 00:04:17,172
Anything you tell me here, in
the sanctity of this office,
114
00:04:18,103 --> 00:04:20,275
I can't repeat to anyone.
115
00:04:21,413 --> 00:04:23,827
- Well, actually,
[laughs] she's amazing.
116
00:04:23,827 --> 00:04:25,965
She's so talented
and professional.
117
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,655
Okay, I get it.
118
00:04:27,655 --> 00:04:30,586
She probably made you sign
one of them DNRs, huh?
119
00:04:30,586 --> 00:04:31,724
You mean an NDA?
120
00:04:32,586 --> 00:04:35,241
TMI, WTF, LOL.
121
00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:37,551
Listen, I get it. You're
scared, and it makes sense.
122
00:04:37,551 --> 00:04:42,517
I mean, an actress your age
has to be walking on eggshells
123
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:47,241
because they keep hiring these
fetuses with false eyelashes,
124
00:04:47,241 --> 00:04:50,310
you know, here in
youth-obsessed Hollywood,
125
00:04:50,310 --> 00:04:53,206
for all the juicy
parts these days.
126
00:04:53,206 --> 00:04:55,724
- No, I, I get work.
That's not my problem.
127
00:04:55,724 --> 00:04:57,137
- Well, then what
is your problem?
128
00:04:57,137 --> 00:04:58,551
Do you have an eating disorder?
129
00:04:58,551 --> 00:04:59,586
No.
130
00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:01,137
I was abducted by aliens.
131
00:05:01,137 --> 00:05:04,965
[spacey synth music]
132
00:05:04,965 --> 00:05:06,965
What color lipstick is that?
133
00:05:08,137 --> 00:05:09,931
- Dr. Jackie, did
you hear what I said?
134
00:05:09,931 --> 00:05:11,275
I said I was abducted by aliens.
135
00:05:11,275 --> 00:05:12,620
[eerie electronic music]
136
00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:14,655
[stutters] Yes. I, I heard.
137
00:05:14,655 --> 00:05:17,620
I, that's, that's
what I was, that,
138
00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:20,137
that's what I was afraid that's
what you said. [laughing]
139
00:05:20,137 --> 00:05:23,310
[stuttering] Aliens. [exhales]
140
00:05:23,310 --> 00:05:24,448
Kiss Me, You Fool.
141
00:05:24,448 --> 00:05:25,965
What?
142
00:05:25,965 --> 00:05:28,517
- The name of the lipstick,
it's Kiss Me, You Fool.
143
00:05:28,517 --> 00:05:29,965
Okay, full disclosure,
144
00:05:29,965 --> 00:05:32,379
I've been intermittent
fasting, and I have a feeling
145
00:05:32,379 --> 00:05:36,034
I'm having a very
low-blood-sugar moment right now.
146
00:05:36,034 --> 00:05:38,448
If you will excuse me
for just one moment.
147
00:05:38,448 --> 00:05:39,655
Uh, Shirley?
[phone beeps]
148
00:05:39,655 --> 00:05:42,965
Could you please bring
me a cup of hot tea?
149
00:05:42,965 --> 00:05:44,655
[Sherry] It's Sherry.
150
00:05:44,655 --> 00:05:46,206
And which tea do you want,
151
00:05:46,206 --> 00:05:50,310
Fear Fighter or, uh,
Anxiety Annihilator?
152
00:05:50,310 --> 00:05:53,000
- Uh, do you have
anything called
153
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,206
The Woman in My
Office Just Told Me
154
00:05:55,206 --> 00:05:57,206
She's Been Abducted
by Aliens? [chuckles]
155
00:05:57,206 --> 00:05:58,758
- [Sherry] Um...
- I'm kidding.
156
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,344
[Sherry] No.
157
00:06:00,344 --> 00:06:01,689
Surprise me.
158
00:06:04,517 --> 00:06:06,206
Where were we?
159
00:06:06,206 --> 00:06:08,827
- I just told you I had
been abducted by aliens.
160
00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:10,517
[spacey synth music]
161
00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:11,931
[exhales] Right.
162
00:06:11,931 --> 00:06:14,103
- It's actually been
happening for years.
163
00:06:14,103 --> 00:06:15,206
- Yes.
[footsteps clomping]
164
00:06:15,206 --> 00:06:16,034
Mm.
165
00:06:16,034 --> 00:06:17,172
Here you go!
166
00:06:18,655 --> 00:06:20,724
Thank you, Shirley.
167
00:06:20,724 --> 00:06:23,482
It's Sherry.
168
00:06:23,482 --> 00:06:26,000
Um, Sher, Sherry.
169
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,551
- [Sherry] Mm-hm?
170
00:06:27,551 --> 00:06:30,586
- This is Rose. Rose here is
on that TV program, "Hacks."
171
00:06:30,586 --> 00:06:32,413
Ooh, that cooking show?
172
00:06:32,413 --> 00:06:33,862
No, that's "Chopped."
173
00:06:33,862 --> 00:06:35,379
[Sherry] Oh.
174
00:06:35,379 --> 00:06:38,206
- Rose here works with Jean
Smart, who stars in the show.
175
00:06:38,206 --> 00:06:43,172
And Rose says that Jean Smart
is amazing to work with.
176
00:06:44,379 --> 00:06:45,896
- Oh, I thought
you legally weren't
177
00:06:45,896 --> 00:06:47,413
gonna say anything
like that. [chuckles]
178
00:06:47,413 --> 00:06:50,068
- Oh, no, it's okay if it's
something good, you know?
179
00:06:50,068 --> 00:06:52,620
I can't say anything negative,
but if it's, you know...
180
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,344
It's like, it's like racism.
181
00:06:54,344 --> 00:06:55,206
What?
182
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,413
No, it's like,
183
00:06:56,413 --> 00:06:59,034
if I say that Filipinos
are warm and nurturing
184
00:06:59,034 --> 00:07:01,137
and, you know, so they
make the best nurses,
185
00:07:01,137 --> 00:07:03,931
that's not racist because I'm
saying something positive.
186
00:07:03,931 --> 00:07:05,620
Oh my god, can I please go?
187
00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:06,931
Thank you...
188
00:07:08,620 --> 00:07:12,068
Sherry.
189
00:07:13,310 --> 00:07:14,724
[Dr. Jackie slurping]
190
00:07:14,724 --> 00:07:15,551
[footsteps clomping]
191
00:07:15,551 --> 00:07:16,413
Dr. Jackie?
192
00:07:17,758 --> 00:07:18,896
Dr. Jackie?
193
00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:20,413
[Dr. Jackie slurps]
194
00:07:20,413 --> 00:07:22,103
[sighs] I just told you
I was abducted by aliens.
195
00:07:22,103 --> 00:07:23,137
[spacey synth music]
We can't pretend
196
00:07:23,137 --> 00:07:24,103
that it didn't happen.
197
00:07:24,103 --> 00:07:25,068
I think you're in denial.
198
00:07:26,827 --> 00:07:29,310
You know what? You're right...
199
00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:30,931
Rose.
200
00:07:30,931 --> 00:07:33,413
It's just that I have
never had to deal
201
00:07:33,413 --> 00:07:36,448
with a problem like this, to
be perfectly honest with you.
202
00:07:36,448 --> 00:07:41,413
When I went online and
earned that degree, you know,
203
00:07:42,827 --> 00:07:46,724
there was no class on how to
deal with someone who has been,
204
00:07:48,172 --> 00:07:50,103
who has been...
205
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,758
- Abducted by aliens?
[spacey synth music]
206
00:07:51,758 --> 00:07:54,172
Yes. That.
207
00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:58,620
Well, as Maria says in
"The Sound of Music,"
208
00:07:58,620 --> 00:08:01,000
"Let's start at
the very beginning.
209
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,517
That's a very good
place to start."
210
00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,172
[Dr. Jackie laughing]
211
00:08:05,172 --> 00:08:06,689
Okay.
212
00:08:06,689 --> 00:08:09,620
Well, uh, the first time it
happened, I was 18 years old.
213
00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:10,965
It was a long time ago,
214
00:08:10,965 --> 00:08:13,000
but, ah, I remember it
like it was yesterday.
215
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,448
How long ago was that?
216
00:08:14,448 --> 00:08:15,620
Nice try, bitch.
217
00:08:16,862 --> 00:08:19,482
And I was in college,
I was in a production,
218
00:08:19,482 --> 00:08:21,517
and I was just so nervous.
219
00:08:21,517 --> 00:08:24,689
I was a nervous wreck that I
wouldn't remember my lines.
220
00:08:24,689 --> 00:08:27,068
And I remember I had to do this
very thick Southern accent.
221
00:08:27,068 --> 00:08:28,482
"A Streetcar Named Desire?"
222
00:08:28,482 --> 00:08:30,344
"The Glass Menagerie."
223
00:08:30,344 --> 00:08:33,241
- You know, my receptionist
Shirley has a friend, Amber,
224
00:08:33,241 --> 00:08:36,310
who was in a porno movie
called "The Ass Menagerie."
225
00:08:36,310 --> 00:08:37,827
[Dr. Jackie chuckles]
226
00:08:37,827 --> 00:08:39,862
Please, go on.
227
00:08:39,862 --> 00:08:42,655
- So I remember, the night
before opening night,
228
00:08:42,655 --> 00:08:45,413
I was lying in my bed,
just such a nervous wreck.
229
00:08:45,413 --> 00:08:46,689
I couldn't sleep.
230
00:08:46,689 --> 00:08:47,896
[eerie electronic music]
And suddenly,
231
00:08:47,896 --> 00:08:50,206
the room was bathed in
a blinding white light.
232
00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:52,758
- Oh. You know, roommates
can be so insensitive.
233
00:08:52,758 --> 00:08:55,482
You need to get yourself one
of those sleep mask things.
234
00:08:55,482 --> 00:08:56,620
It was the aliens!
235
00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:57,551
[percussion booming]
236
00:08:57,551 --> 00:08:59,103
Oh.
237
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:00,586
- There were three of them.
[eerie electronic music]
238
00:09:00,586 --> 00:09:03,310
And they were gray, and,
and they had long fingers
239
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,413
and these round,
shiny black eyes,
240
00:09:05,413 --> 00:09:07,068
straight out of central casting.
241
00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:08,620
[popcorn crunching]
242
00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:10,103
Oh my god, what happened next?
243
00:09:10,103 --> 00:09:11,482
I don't know.
244
00:09:11,482 --> 00:09:14,034
I woke up, and it
was five hours later.
245
00:09:14,034 --> 00:09:15,275
Did your butt hurt?
246
00:09:15,275 --> 00:09:16,241
What?
247
00:09:16,241 --> 00:09:17,827
I'm sorry. Please, go on.
248
00:09:17,827 --> 00:09:19,551
- Oh, Dr. Jackie, I, I
don't know how to say this.
249
00:09:19,551 --> 00:09:21,275
It was, it was...
250
00:09:21,275 --> 00:09:23,068
- It was the worst
thing that ever happened
251
00:09:23,068 --> 00:09:24,448
to you in your life.
252
00:09:24,448 --> 00:09:28,034
It was a traumatizing
experience that left you scarred
253
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:30,551
and unable to differentiate
254
00:09:30,551 --> 00:09:34,103
between reality
and hallucination.
255
00:09:34,103 --> 00:09:36,896
- No, it was the best thing
that ever happened to me.
256
00:09:36,896 --> 00:09:37,758
Say what?
257
00:09:37,758 --> 00:09:39,896
Well, I, I woke up,
258
00:09:39,896 --> 00:09:42,517
and [stutters] not only
did I know my lines
259
00:09:42,517 --> 00:09:43,758
backwards and forwards-
260
00:09:43,758 --> 00:09:45,034
- Why would she need
to know them backwards?
261
00:09:45,034 --> 00:09:47,068
I could do a Southern accent
262
00:09:47,068 --> 00:09:48,655
that would rival Sally Fields.
263
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,862
And I just, I knew everything.
264
00:09:50,862 --> 00:09:52,620
I mean, I knew my lines.
265
00:09:52,620 --> 00:09:54,413
I was fully prepared.
266
00:09:54,413 --> 00:09:56,482
And ever since then,
267
00:09:56,482 --> 00:09:58,551
no matter what show or
shoot that I'm doing,
268
00:09:58,551 --> 00:10:00,068
the night before, same thing.
269
00:10:00,068 --> 00:10:03,241
I'm in a room, it's bathed
with a blinding white light,
270
00:10:03,241 --> 00:10:06,724
and I wake up five hours
later fully prepared.
271
00:10:06,724 --> 00:10:10,068
I haven't cracked open a script
in [chuckles] many years.
272
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,241
How many years?
273
00:10:11,241 --> 00:10:12,379
- You know you
could just go online
274
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,620
and look up my age, right?
275
00:10:14,551 --> 00:10:16,724
[nails tapping]
276
00:10:16,724 --> 00:10:18,551
Girl, you look good!
277
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:19,517
Thank you.
278
00:10:19,517 --> 00:10:20,793
But I'm confused.
279
00:10:20,793 --> 00:10:23,137
- I, I mean, I have
an olive complexion,
280
00:10:23,137 --> 00:10:25,068
and I do try and follow
a Mediterranean diet.
281
00:10:25,068 --> 00:10:26,620
No, no, no, what I mean is,
282
00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:29,793
if this whole alien abduction
thing has been 100% positive,
283
00:10:29,793 --> 00:10:31,275
then what's the problem?
284
00:10:31,275 --> 00:10:34,758
- Well, the problem is, the
very last time that it happened,
285
00:10:34,758 --> 00:10:37,586
the alien leader,
his name is Reggie,
286
00:10:37,586 --> 00:10:40,241
he said that they were
almost done with me.
287
00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:41,482
His name is Reggie?
288
00:10:41,482 --> 00:10:45,034
- Mm-hm, and apparently,
289
00:10:45,034 --> 00:10:47,310
they've come to the end
of their experiments
290
00:10:47,310 --> 00:10:50,586
because they have enough
information to understand
291
00:10:50,586 --> 00:10:53,310
that human beings only
use a part of their brain
292
00:10:53,310 --> 00:10:55,448
to learn and, and
retain information.
293
00:10:55,448 --> 00:10:58,241
- Well, I have some good news,
and I have some bad news.
294
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:00,034
Which do you wanna hear first?
295
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,620
The bad news.
296
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:05,965
- Okay, the bad news is
that an actress your age,
297
00:11:07,344 --> 00:11:09,827
opportunities for you are
gonna start dryin' up, honey.
298
00:11:09,827 --> 00:11:11,827
That's just the way
the world works.
299
00:11:11,827 --> 00:11:14,655
I don't make the rules.
Don't kill the messenger.
300
00:11:14,655 --> 00:11:16,655
So it really doesn't
matter how talented you are
301
00:11:16,655 --> 00:11:18,620
or how well you learn your lines
302
00:11:18,620 --> 00:11:21,827
or whether you can learn
that dead-on accent
303
00:11:21,827 --> 00:11:23,551
of the woman who
was born in Scotland
304
00:11:23,551 --> 00:11:27,137
but was raised in Alabama and
currently lives in Zimbabwe.
305
00:11:27,137 --> 00:11:29,448
It's gonna be a moot point.
306
00:11:29,448 --> 00:11:30,793
What's the good news?
307
00:11:30,793 --> 00:11:32,310
Well, the good news is,
308
00:11:32,310 --> 00:11:34,344
on the off chance that you
do continue getting work,
309
00:11:34,344 --> 00:11:36,310
and don't count on it,
310
00:11:36,310 --> 00:11:39,655
you've already proven
that you can learn lines
311
00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:44,620
and learn those accents
because your brain is amazing.
312
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:48,793
I mean, if you don't walk away
from this knowing that much,
313
00:11:48,793 --> 00:11:50,344
you are crazy.
314
00:11:50,344 --> 00:11:51,793
And that's something
I'm not really supposed
315
00:11:51,793 --> 00:11:52,931
to say to people.
316
00:11:54,482 --> 00:11:57,689
- Oh my god, Dr.
Jackie, you're right!
317
00:11:57,689 --> 00:11:59,758
I mean, did the aliens help me?
318
00:11:59,758 --> 00:12:01,379
Yes, but you're right!
319
00:12:01,379 --> 00:12:04,379
It was my brain that
retained the information.
320
00:12:04,379 --> 00:12:08,413
- Exactly, just like
that seminar online
321
00:12:08,413 --> 00:12:11,172
may not have taught
me exactly how to deal
322
00:12:11,172 --> 00:12:14,206
with a situation or
a patient like you,
323
00:12:14,206 --> 00:12:19,137
but my brain helped me put the
pieces together and help you.
324
00:12:20,034 --> 00:12:21,103
Right, and you really did.
325
00:12:21,103 --> 00:12:22,034
Yeah, I did.
326
00:12:22,034 --> 00:12:23,206
Thank you so much, Dr. Jackie.
327
00:12:23,206 --> 00:12:24,172
Don't mention it.
328
00:12:24,172 --> 00:12:25,068
[Rose] Oh, thank you.
329
00:12:25,068 --> 00:12:27,931
[Dr. Jackie laughs and sighs]
330
00:12:27,931 --> 00:12:30,206
- Now, seriously,
did your butt hurt?
331
00:12:30,206 --> 00:12:31,344
[Rose] A little.
332
00:12:31,344 --> 00:12:33,000
I knew it. Her butt hurt.
333
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,896
Her butt hurt.
334
00:12:35,896 --> 00:12:37,517
♪ Ooh, ooh
[door slams]
335
00:12:37,517 --> 00:12:39,000
♪ Ooh-ooh
[phone ringing]
336
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:39,827
[phone chimes]
337
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,241
Dr. Jackie here.
338
00:12:41,241 --> 00:12:43,413
- Oh, thank God you
answered, Dr. Jackie.
339
00:12:43,413 --> 00:12:45,413
It's me, Jane Lynch.
340
00:12:45,413 --> 00:12:47,379
Oh, hey, Jane. What's up?
341
00:12:47,379 --> 00:12:48,758
I have to talk quick.
342
00:12:48,758 --> 00:12:50,551
I'm at the premiere
of a Broadway show.
343
00:12:50,551 --> 00:12:52,241
- What's going on?
You sound frantic.
344
00:12:52,241 --> 00:12:55,379
- A dear friend of mine
got me a front-row ticket
345
00:12:55,379 --> 00:12:58,206
to the premiere of their
brand-new musical on Broadway,
346
00:12:58,206 --> 00:12:59,896
and stupid me here
347
00:12:59,896 --> 00:13:02,103
made the mistake of
eating a huge plate
348
00:13:02,103 --> 00:13:06,068
of steamed broccoli,
cauliflower, and cabbage
349
00:13:06,965 --> 00:13:09,000
less than 45 minutes ago.
350
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,103
- That sounds delicious
and nutritious,
351
00:13:11,103 --> 00:13:12,655
so what's the problem?
352
00:13:12,655 --> 00:13:15,310
- My only choices
now are to leave
353
00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:18,655
and have my friends see my
empty seat front row and center,
354
00:13:18,655 --> 00:13:21,413
or run the risk of
becoming an honorary member
355
00:13:21,413 --> 00:13:24,103
of the horn section, if
you know what I mean.
356
00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:26,103
Jane, honey, look around.
357
00:13:26,103 --> 00:13:27,689
Are there any celebrities
358
00:13:27,689 --> 00:13:30,965
that look like the type that
might shamelessly crop dust?
359
00:13:30,965 --> 00:13:33,000
- I'm sitting between
Johnny Knoxville
360
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,517
and Kristin Chenoweth.
361
00:13:34,517 --> 00:13:36,275
- Well, then it
seems rather obvious
362
00:13:36,275 --> 00:13:38,241
who you should blame it on.
363
00:13:38,241 --> 00:13:39,689
Oh, God, it's happening.
364
00:13:39,689 --> 00:13:42,000
[strains] Dear Liza on
a cross-stich pillow,
365
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,413
I can't hold it any longer.
366
00:13:43,413 --> 00:13:45,586
[Jane tooting]
367
00:13:45,586 --> 00:13:46,448
[Jane grunts]
368
00:13:46,448 --> 00:13:48,965
[audience chattering]
369
00:13:48,965 --> 00:13:52,896
Kristin Chenoweth, shame on you.
370
00:13:52,896 --> 00:13:54,103
Thank you, Dr. Jackie.
371
00:13:54,103 --> 00:13:55,275
Show's about to start.
[audience clapping]
372
00:13:55,275 --> 00:13:56,827
Check your pants.
373
00:13:56,827 --> 00:13:57,655
[phone beeping]
374
00:13:57,655 --> 00:13:59,275
[Dr. Jackie toots]
375
00:13:59,275 --> 00:14:00,241
[Dr. Jackie exhales]
376
00:14:00,241 --> 00:14:03,793
[bright traditional pop music]
377
00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:05,482
♪ Ah
378
00:14:05,482 --> 00:14:06,724
[Dr. Jackie belches]
379
00:14:06,724 --> 00:14:08,965
- Welcome back from
lunch, Dr. Jackie.
380
00:14:08,965 --> 00:14:11,206
I spent my lunch walking
through the park.
381
00:14:11,206 --> 00:14:13,689
Oh, what a glorious day.
382
00:14:13,689 --> 00:14:15,000
- Well, it sounds
like somebody forgot
383
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,827
all about that
nightmare. [chuckles]
384
00:14:16,827 --> 00:14:18,344
Huh?
385
00:14:18,344 --> 00:14:19,689
- I'm sorry, sometimes I
get a little carried away
386
00:14:19,689 --> 00:14:21,655
with the psychological jargon.
387
00:14:21,655 --> 00:14:23,620
That bad dream you had.
388
00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:24,896
What bad dream?
389
00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:26,379
Exactly.
390
00:14:26,379 --> 00:14:28,655
No, seriously.
391
00:14:28,655 --> 00:14:30,344
What bad dream?
392
00:14:30,344 --> 00:14:32,517
- Oh boy, you know what
this reminds me of?
393
00:14:32,517 --> 00:14:35,724
It reminds me of when I
first adopted Captain Picard.
394
00:14:35,724 --> 00:14:38,137
- Your adorable
Chihuahua-wolfhound mix?
395
00:14:38,137 --> 00:14:40,206
Yes, the Chiwolfua.
396
00:14:40,206 --> 00:14:41,724
When I first got him as a puppy,
397
00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:44,344
he would get so excited when
I finally came home from work.
398
00:14:44,344 --> 00:14:47,896
And I would think to myself,
"Oh, he loves his mommy!"
399
00:14:47,896 --> 00:14:49,137
And then, one morning,
400
00:14:49,137 --> 00:14:51,241
I forgot my smoothie
on the kitchen counter,
401
00:14:51,241 --> 00:14:53,379
and I went right back
three minutes later,
402
00:14:53,379 --> 00:14:55,655
and he acted just as excited.
403
00:14:55,655 --> 00:14:57,344
And then it dawned on me.
404
00:14:57,344 --> 00:15:00,758
Oh, he's just stupid.
405
00:15:00,758 --> 00:15:03,379
- I can't remember what
we were talking about
406
00:15:03,379 --> 00:15:05,137
that would make
you think of that.
407
00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:06,413
I know.
408
00:15:06,413 --> 00:15:09,379
And trust me, that's a
blessing, you simpleton.
409
00:15:09,379 --> 00:15:11,655
Actually, I'm a Pisces.
410
00:15:11,655 --> 00:15:14,137
But Dr. Jackie,
just so you know,
411
00:15:14,137 --> 00:15:17,827
just like Captain Picard, I
will always be here for you.
412
00:15:17,827 --> 00:15:20,965
And no matter how
long you are gone,
413
00:15:20,965 --> 00:15:23,310
I'll be excited to see you.
414
00:15:23,310 --> 00:15:24,482
Oh. [chuckles]
415
00:15:24,482 --> 00:15:25,965
Now, are you really
this clueless,
416
00:15:25,965 --> 00:15:27,862
or are you just trying
to suck all the fun
417
00:15:27,862 --> 00:15:29,551
outta me being mean
to you? [chuckles]
418
00:15:29,551 --> 00:15:30,965
I guess we'll never know.
419
00:15:30,965 --> 00:15:32,241
[Dr. Jackie and Sherry chuckle]
420
00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:33,379
Now, you'd better
go to your office.
421
00:15:33,379 --> 00:15:34,758
- Okay.
- Get comfortable.
422
00:15:34,758 --> 00:15:37,241
Kick off those extra-wide shoes.
423
00:15:37,241 --> 00:15:39,068
Pour yourself a big cup
424
00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:41,931
of that fermented
potato juice you love,
425
00:15:41,931 --> 00:15:44,068
'cause your next
appointment's almost here.
426
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,793
Her name is Trixie Mattel.
427
00:15:45,793 --> 00:15:47,034
Oh.
428
00:15:47,034 --> 00:15:50,758
- She's young, pretty,
rich, and famous.
429
00:15:50,758 --> 00:15:55,586
So you better fill that cup all
the way to the top. [laughs]
430
00:15:57,275 --> 00:15:58,310
[door thuds]
431
00:15:58,310 --> 00:15:59,724
Simpleton.
432
00:15:59,724 --> 00:16:02,206
[typewriter clacking]
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
433
00:16:02,206 --> 00:16:03,862
[typewriter dings]
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh
434
00:16:03,862 --> 00:16:05,344
Hello, Trixie!
435
00:16:05,344 --> 00:16:06,827
You know, before we start,
I just wanna tell you
436
00:16:06,827 --> 00:16:10,379
that my receptionist Shirley
is a big fan of yours.
437
00:16:10,379 --> 00:16:12,379
- Aw. Well, that's
always nice to hear.
438
00:16:12,379 --> 00:16:13,862
Yes, I would imagine it is,
439
00:16:13,862 --> 00:16:16,413
especially since you probably
don't hear it very often.
440
00:16:18,482 --> 00:16:20,517
- I'm sorry, what is
that supposed to mean?
441
00:16:20,517 --> 00:16:22,482
- Oh, it just means that
you're such a big star now.
442
00:16:22,482 --> 00:16:24,482
You probably don't get
up-close-and-personal time
443
00:16:24,482 --> 00:16:25,862
with your fans.
444
00:16:25,862 --> 00:16:27,172
Oh!
445
00:16:27,172 --> 00:16:28,724
Yes, that's true.
446
00:16:28,724 --> 00:16:30,275
- Yeah, unless they pay a
ridiculous amount of money
447
00:16:30,275 --> 00:16:32,344
for the meet-and-greet,
right? [chuckles]
448
00:16:32,344 --> 00:16:33,344
Excuse me?
449
00:16:33,344 --> 00:16:34,862
- I said, unless they pay a-
450
00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:36,965
Yeah, I heard you.
451
00:16:36,965 --> 00:16:38,724
You're loud.
452
00:16:38,724 --> 00:16:42,137
I just don't understand
why you're being so shady.
453
00:16:42,137 --> 00:16:42,965
Shady?
454
00:16:42,965 --> 00:16:44,275
What is your problem?
455
00:16:44,275 --> 00:16:46,448
- You know, actually,
as the psychotherapist,
456
00:16:46,448 --> 00:16:47,793
I think I should be asking you,
457
00:16:47,793 --> 00:16:49,827
the crazy patient,
that question.
458
00:16:49,827 --> 00:16:53,620
So, oh my god, what
is your problem?
459
00:16:53,620 --> 00:16:55,620
No, seriously. What's wrong?
460
00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:57,103
Listen, I'm here to help you.
461
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:58,965
- Well, my problem-
462
00:16:58,965 --> 00:16:59,793
Yes.
463
00:16:59,793 --> 00:17:00,896
- Well, my problem is-
464
00:17:00,896 --> 00:17:03,241
You can tell me.
465
00:17:03,241 --> 00:17:06,206
- My problem is that I
don't have a problem.
466
00:17:07,724 --> 00:17:09,379
I'm incredibly thin.
467
00:17:09,379 --> 00:17:12,586
I'm insanely rich,
wildly successful,
468
00:17:12,586 --> 00:17:14,793
outrageously beautiful.
469
00:17:14,793 --> 00:17:18,206
- And don't forget,
not delusional at all.
470
00:17:18,206 --> 00:17:21,034
Thank you. I mean, look at me.
471
00:17:21,034 --> 00:17:23,103
I'd rather not.
472
00:17:23,103 --> 00:17:25,206
I won "Drag Race All Stars."
473
00:17:25,206 --> 00:17:28,206
I travel all over the
world, doing my shows.
474
00:17:28,206 --> 00:17:31,896
I am a bestselling
author and a kickass DJ.
475
00:17:31,896 --> 00:17:34,275
I have a successful
cosmetics empire.
476
00:17:34,275 --> 00:17:35,344
[chimes tinkling]
[Trixie gasps]
477
00:17:35,344 --> 00:17:37,000
- Ooh.
- [Audience] Wow!
478
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,379
Did you get that?
479
00:17:38,379 --> 00:17:40,034
You got it. Okay.
480
00:17:40,034 --> 00:17:42,551
I own a kitschy little
motel in Palm Springs.
481
00:17:42,551 --> 00:17:47,206
And, Dr. Jackie, I have a
combined 4.5 million followers
482
00:17:47,206 --> 00:17:48,551
on Twitter and Instagram.
483
00:17:48,551 --> 00:17:49,482
[Trixie grunts]
484
00:17:49,482 --> 00:17:50,965
Nice try.
485
00:17:50,965 --> 00:17:53,034
There aren't even that
many people on the planet.
486
00:17:53,034 --> 00:17:53,931
[Dr. Jackie chuckling]
487
00:17:53,931 --> 00:17:55,034
I guess I just feel left out.
488
00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:57,275
I mean, nobody feels bad for me
489
00:17:57,275 --> 00:17:59,724
because everything in
my life is perfect.
490
00:17:59,724 --> 00:18:02,068
- All right, let's take a
closer look at this, shall we?
491
00:18:02,068 --> 00:18:02,896
[tense electronic music]
492
00:18:02,896 --> 00:18:04,413
Did you win "All Stars?"
493
00:18:04,413 --> 00:18:06,827
Yes, you did. Congratulations.
494
00:18:06,827 --> 00:18:08,758
But why don't we
focus on the fact
495
00:18:08,758 --> 00:18:10,517
that you didn't win "Drag Race"
496
00:18:10,517 --> 00:18:12,448
the first time you
were on the show,
497
00:18:12,448 --> 00:18:14,793
so technically, you're a loser.
498
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,931
I guess.
499
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,310
Say it.
500
00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:20,586
Say what?
501
00:18:20,586 --> 00:18:21,827
Say you're a loser.
502
00:18:21,827 --> 00:18:24,241
Listen, I'm only
trying to help you.
503
00:18:24,241 --> 00:18:26,068
[chuckling] Okay.
504
00:18:27,620 --> 00:18:30,000
[hands clap]
[Trixie exhales]
505
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,000
I'm a loser.
506
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,275
Yes.
507
00:18:32,275 --> 00:18:35,586
Now, you travel all over
the world, doing shows,
508
00:18:35,586 --> 00:18:37,103
but you do those shows
509
00:18:37,103 --> 00:18:39,758
with Katya and Kelly Mantle.
[tense electronic music]
510
00:18:39,758 --> 00:18:41,172
Oh my god!
511
00:18:41,172 --> 00:18:43,517
One is bonkers with a capital F,
512
00:18:43,517 --> 00:18:46,379
and the other went home
from "Drag Race" first.
513
00:18:46,379 --> 00:18:48,965
Ooh! Not good.
514
00:18:48,965 --> 00:18:50,620
I do solo shows too.
515
00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:53,689
- Oh, you sing country music,
so shut the fuck up, Reba.
516
00:18:53,689 --> 00:18:54,586
"Hey, everybody.
[upbeat country music]
517
00:18:54,586 --> 00:18:56,103
I'm a drag queen.
518
00:18:56,103 --> 00:18:58,620
I should be singing about
poppers and fingernails.
519
00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:01,068
But I'm up here singing
about biscuit dough
520
00:19:01,068 --> 00:19:03,310
and how my husband
gave me a black eye.
521
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:05,241
I'm ironic."
522
00:19:05,241 --> 00:19:07,344
- I do not sound like, I
do not sound like that.
523
00:19:07,344 --> 00:19:09,172
I don't sound like that.
524
00:19:09,172 --> 00:19:10,344
What's next?
525
00:19:10,344 --> 00:19:11,586
[tense electronic music]
Bestselling author.
526
00:19:11,586 --> 00:19:14,137
[laughs] Bestselling author.
527
00:19:14,137 --> 00:19:16,862
I read one of your
books, and uh,
528
00:19:16,862 --> 00:19:18,965
hmm, it was mostly pictures.
529
00:19:18,965 --> 00:19:21,586
And those pictures
were so photoshopped,
530
00:19:21,586 --> 00:19:24,206
I thought I needed
LASIK surgery.
531
00:19:25,241 --> 00:19:26,241
Next.
532
00:19:26,241 --> 00:19:27,517
I'm a DJ.
533
00:19:27,517 --> 00:19:28,827
- You push play
on a pink laptop.
534
00:19:28,827 --> 00:19:30,310
Big whoop. Next.
535
00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:31,862
My makeup is iconic.
536
00:19:31,862 --> 00:19:34,517
- Girl, you look like you
cut off Kim Chi's face,
537
00:19:34,517 --> 00:19:36,344
and you're wearing
it like a mask
538
00:19:36,344 --> 00:19:39,413
in some twisted mashup
of "Silence of the Lambs"
539
00:19:39,413 --> 00:19:41,137
and "Priscilla,
Queen of the Desert."
540
00:19:41,137 --> 00:19:42,172
Next!
541
00:19:42,172 --> 00:19:43,620
I still have my motel.
542
00:19:43,620 --> 00:19:45,068
Congratulations!
543
00:19:45,068 --> 00:19:47,827
You're the second most
popular cross-dresser
544
00:19:47,827 --> 00:19:50,068
to own a creepy motel.
545
00:19:50,068 --> 00:19:51,724
Hate to break it to you, Trixie,
546
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:55,137
but Norman Bates of "Psycho"
is still number one.
547
00:19:55,137 --> 00:19:56,310
Next!
548
00:19:56,310 --> 00:19:59,344
Well, Dr. Jackie, [sniffs]
549
00:19:59,344 --> 00:20:04,310
I still have 4.5
million followers on Instagram and Twitter.
550
00:20:05,517 --> 00:20:07,000
- About that, I did
a little research.
551
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,655
Let's crunch the numbers.
552
00:20:08,655 --> 00:20:09,896
[Dr. Jackie giggles]
[tense electronic music]
553
00:20:09,896 --> 00:20:13,172
4.4 million of them are
actually cats and dogs,
554
00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:15,517
3/4 of 1 million
are Russian bots,
555
00:20:15,517 --> 00:20:19,827
and 245,517 are
actually dead people.
556
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,862
So hmm, let's do the math.
557
00:20:21,862 --> 00:20:26,034
That leaves a whopping
483 actual followers.
558
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:30,137
- Well, I guess you can't
argue with the numbers.
559
00:20:30,137 --> 00:20:31,517
You really can't.
560
00:20:31,517 --> 00:20:34,517
I mean, you can, but
you'd lose. [chuckles]
561
00:20:34,517 --> 00:20:38,000
So, [sniffs] how does
that make you feel?
562
00:20:40,827 --> 00:20:43,689
I feel [sniffles]
563
00:20:44,655 --> 00:20:46,241
actually great.
564
00:20:46,241 --> 00:20:47,482
I feel basic.
565
00:20:48,655 --> 00:20:49,896
[triumphant horns blaring]
566
00:20:49,896 --> 00:20:51,586
- Yay!
[stars and audience clapping]
567
00:20:51,586 --> 00:20:53,172
- Mission accomplished!
- Yay!
568
00:20:53,172 --> 00:20:55,310
- I mean, this is
what you wanted.
569
00:20:55,310 --> 00:20:58,344
When you first called me
and asked if I could berate,
570
00:20:58,344 --> 00:21:01,413
insult, and humiliate you, do
you remember what I told you?
571
00:21:01,413 --> 00:21:04,068
- You told me that I
could hire a hustler,
572
00:21:04,068 --> 00:21:07,896
pay them to shit on my
chest, piss in my mouth,
573
00:21:07,896 --> 00:21:10,034
all for cheaper than
your hourly rate.
574
00:21:10,034 --> 00:21:12,103
- Yes, and I also
told you I wasn't sure
575
00:21:12,103 --> 00:21:15,896
if I could even do it, because
to be really honest with you,
576
00:21:15,896 --> 00:21:18,758
being this negative does
not come naturally to me.
577
00:21:18,758 --> 00:21:20,758
It is not my thing.
578
00:21:20,758 --> 00:21:23,241
But when you told
me why you wanted me
579
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:27,793
to knock you down a
few pegs, I understood.
580
00:21:27,793 --> 00:21:28,931
I got it.
581
00:21:28,931 --> 00:21:31,413
- It's just so
exhausting, you know,
582
00:21:31,413 --> 00:21:34,793
being so flawless,
perfect, and successful.
583
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,068
Oh, you poor thing.
584
00:21:36,068 --> 00:21:38,137
I can't even imagine.
That must be terrible.
585
00:21:38,137 --> 00:21:40,620
Well, not anymore.
586
00:21:40,620 --> 00:21:43,551
I guess I'm gonna go
home and get online
587
00:21:43,551 --> 00:21:45,586
and start complaining
about my shitty life.
588
00:21:45,586 --> 00:21:48,344
- Oh my god, honey, I
am so happy for you.
589
00:21:48,344 --> 00:21:49,241
Have fun!
590
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:50,206
Mm.
591
00:21:50,206 --> 00:21:52,103
Thanks, Dr. Jackie.
592
00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:54,206
[Dr. Jackie laughs and sighs]
593
00:21:54,206 --> 00:21:55,034
- [microphone booms]
- Bye, oh. [blows raspberry]
594
00:21:55,034 --> 00:21:56,034
[producer laughs]
595
00:21:56,034 --> 00:21:57,551
[Dr. Jackie sighs]
596
00:21:57,551 --> 00:21:59,620
Fucking loser.
597
00:21:59,620 --> 00:22:01,000
She's a fuckin' loser.
598
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,034
[upbeat traditional pop music]
599
00:22:02,034 --> 00:22:03,517
[door slams]
♪ Ah
600
00:22:03,517 --> 00:22:06,172
- Uh, hi, Dr. Jackie.
It's Neil Patrick Harris.
601
00:22:06,172 --> 00:22:08,310
David Burtka, and, uh,
602
00:22:08,310 --> 00:22:10,482
we're the creators of
"Drag Me to Dinner," and-
603
00:22:10,482 --> 00:22:11,793
We are, yeah.
604
00:22:11,793 --> 00:22:15,344
- And we're so entirely
grateful for all the,
605
00:22:15,344 --> 00:22:17,448
the help you've given
us through the years.
606
00:22:17,448 --> 00:22:19,034
- We really did just
wanna say thank you.
607
00:22:19,034 --> 00:22:22,103
We, we had some serious
problems with our,
608
00:22:22,103 --> 00:22:24,206
I guess, emotional, romantic-
609
00:22:24,206 --> 00:22:25,482
Love life.
610
00:22:25,482 --> 00:22:27,310
- Love life, and you
really helped us out.
611
00:22:27,310 --> 00:22:29,103
- As a therapist,
you're super smart,
612
00:22:29,103 --> 00:22:30,965
and you're on the,
you're on the, you know,
613
00:22:30,965 --> 00:22:33,517
right track with,
with everything you possibly say, and we-
614
00:22:33,517 --> 00:22:34,931
- Very clinical.
- Yeah.
615
00:22:34,931 --> 00:22:37,724
And you also taught us, um,
616
00:22:37,724 --> 00:22:41,103
how to kinda rekindle
the romance sexually.
617
00:22:41,103 --> 00:22:42,896
So if you don't mind,
we're gonna go, uh,
618
00:22:42,896 --> 00:22:44,137
we're gonna go take
care of that right now.
619
00:22:44,137 --> 00:22:45,517
You know it.
620
00:22:45,517 --> 00:22:47,482
- What about when I
suggested having a three-way?
621
00:22:47,482 --> 00:22:50,620
[Dr. Jackie laughing]
622
00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:55,220
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