Original subtitles

Yeah, but they're not Leaving on their own.

I mean, this place We live, the mission...

Somebody's coming In there at night

And hustling them Out of bed someplace.

Kind of a bum's rush?

I don't make jokes About your job.

She wasn't really soliciting...

I mean, for money.

I was just looking for A suitable volunteer.

For what?

To father my child.

Ta-da!

Ha ha!

Inspector luger's back,

And the 12th precinct's got him.

They asked you to resign?

Oh, no, no, no, barney.

No, they gave me a choice.

They said, "Frank, now, look...

"You can retire Now as inspector,

"But you're welcome To hang around.

"But if you do,

You'll be hanging Around as a captain."

Wonderful.

Lousy, stinkin' captain.

Believe me... You Look 100% better.

Yeah, yeah.

I ain't just saying that.

I mean, you look really scrungy.

You're too kind.

Okay, barn, I'll just Call their bluff.

They'll back down Every time, right?

- it's worth a shot. - right.

And I just wanted to say That I think that both of you

Have very, very fine Qualities in different areas.

And, for what it's worth,

I think either one of you Would make a very good father

For anyone's child.

Mr. Brewer.

Where's sergeant harris?

I figured he'd be here.

What happened?

I don't know.

I woke up this morning, His bunk was empty.

A couple of the other Guys are gone, too.

Dietrich, wojo,

You better check Out that mission.

Ah, inspector.

Very funny.

What's the matter?

Captain frank luger, Reporting for duty.

Oh.

Nice to have you with us.

I take it you've Had your meeting.

Oh, yeah. I had my meeting.

And?

Well, I laid the law Down to them, barney.

I told them, "You can't Push frank luger around.

Put up or shut up."

You know, all that good Stuff you told me to tell them.

No, no, no, that's...

To make a short story Sad, barney, here I am.

You mean they've Assigned you here?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, That's another zinger

They're trying to put Into the old inspector...

Sending me back to the same Squad where I started out,

Having to take orders From a former underling.

Inspector, I-I really didn't...

Oh, no, it's not Your fault, barney.

I didn't have to tell Them what you told me.

- right. - sure.

And I want you to Understand, barney,

I don't want any kind Of special treatment.

I'm just another member of The squad, you understand?

No better, no worse, okay?

- fine. - good.

If you need me, I'll be in my office.

I'm just kidding, barney.

You know, trying to Lighten up the tragedy.

Yeah, well,

We're still gonna have to Find someplace to put you.

How about, uh... How About nick's old desk?

Oh, sure, why not?

Sure.

Fine. Thank you.

Thank you, barn.

Where's the drawers? There's no drawers here.

One lousy, skinny drawer.

Well, if you need more, Um... We could, uh...

Oh, no, no, no. Forget it, barney.

There's a lot of good Space on top here.

Fine. Listen, uh, make Yourself at home.

Good. Thanks.

Thanks, barney.

34 years on the force,

You can't even get a Decent pair of drawers.

Today's paper?

Yeah.

Yeah, why? You want To reline your shoes?

Inspector.

Yeah? Hey, levine?

Barney, he's in mufti.

Pardon me, sir, But this is my desk.

What did you do With the drawers?

Barney: uh, levitt.

Sir?

Been a change in The assigned seating?

Inspector luger's gonna Be using that desk today.

Because I was late?

It's a little more Complex than that.

I've got time.

Want me to take it, barn?

- if you don't mind. - nah.

Hello.

What?

Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

12th precinct, right.

Come on. What?

Where?

Yeah.

All right, easy, easy. What are you... Slow down.

I'm not a kelly girl.

Right.

I got it. Somebody will Be right over there.

Stickup on bleeker.

Um... Want me to take it, barn?

I'm not proud.

Sure.

Why don't you take levitt?

Huh? Sure.

Come on, levine. Shake a leg.

You could have told him.

- I did! - try harder.

Come on.

You know, ray, it's Really not necessary

For you to hang around.

It isn't?

Uh, I'm sure you have Better things to do.

Not recently.

Oh.

I had a dentist Appointment in '68.

Missed it.

Well, we'll keep you Informed of any developments.

Oh, sure! Huh.

I was just hangin' around Because I thought...

You guys needed me here.

Ah, we... We really Appreciate it.

Oh, but listen. I can find Something else to do.

Maybe I'll go sell some blood.

Uh, ray... Look, uh...

I'm thinking we probably Do need more information.

So, why don't you have a Seat at sgt. Harris's desk...

Ah, what did you find out?

Nothing.

Anybody that might have seen Him was either asleep or drunk.

We don't know Where the hell he is.

I mean, maybe, uh, maybe He's onto something.

Yeah, well, we'd better Put out an apb, just in case.

It would help if We had a picture.

Should be one laying Around somewhere.

Oh, use that one on his book.

He hates that one.

Here... This it?

Thank you.

He ain't gonna like it.

Right in here, vermin.

I'm offering people The opportunity

To change their destinies,

To save this society Before it destroys itself.

What's that to me?

What do you got, inspector?

In a minute, barney. Catch my breath.

Uh, captain, this Is alfred royce...

Caught him in the middle Of holding up arlo's market

On bleeker.

I'm trying to work Within the system.

Well, we appreciate that.

But I had to do something To raise the money.

- for what? - for my campaign.

Oh, you're running For president, too?

Yes, he is, sir.

Hope I can count On your support.

Uh, we'll see.

Cleaned out the cash register,

Then forced the People in the store

To make voluntary Contributions at gunpoint.

I'm trying to qualify For matching funds.

I see.

Have you any idea what a Minute on network television

Goes for these days?

Not to mention the Cost of office space,

Political literature...

Oh, here. Please, take this.

Posters, buttons,

And don't even talk to me About hats and balloons.

So you just walked into A market and held it up.

It's tough to compete.

I mean, I don't have a rich Family like some people

Or a rock-star girlfriend

Or prematurely orange Hair to grab attention.

That would be a problem.

Sir, he used this Snub-nosed .38.

Do you know how Easy it was to get this?

Gun control is going to Be among my first priorities

As president.

Good luck.

I'll, uh, tag his Piece, sir. Fine.

There's a seat open By the air shaft.

Royce.

I'm not a crackpot, captain.

I have viable solutions

To the critical problems Confronting this nation.

It's all in there.

I'm sure it is, but, meanwhile,

We're still gonna Have to book you.

Do you like my slogan?

"Alfred royce... The People's candidate."

Uh, I'm afraid we're gonna Have to book you, mr. Royce.

Inspector, you want to Take care of mr. Royce here?

What... Right now?

If you don't mind.

Oh, sure, sure, Barney. You're the boss.

Royce.

Sit down, alfie.

Got the apb out. Oh, good.

Guess now we wait.

Yeah, I started already.

Oh, you didn't use the Hockey tickets, huh?

No, I changed my mind.

You were already gone.

I was in a hurry.

Any particular reason?

What do you mean?

Did you see her last night?

No. Did you?

No.

Of course, it was dark.

Right.

12th precinct. Ray.

Hey, we've been looking for you.

It's harris.

So, how's it going, ronald?

Come on.

Oh, sure.

What happened?

Where are you?

He's in north carolina.

I knew we should Have looked there.

12th precinct. Wojciehowicz.

Hello.

Where are you now?

Is that harris?

He's calling from a Stuckey's in maryland.

What happened?

Uh, listen, you want To talk to barney?

Uh, yeah, I know what you mean.

Well, uh, we'll... We'll Just be waiting here.

Oh, hey, wait a minute.

Uh, pick me up one Of those nut logs.

Everybody just assumes We have to have 50 states.

But why?

I'm puttin' you in The cage now, royce.

Under my plan, the nation Would be reorganized

Into 12 superstates,

Based on population And economic factors.

Yeah? Some states Would be enlarged.

Others, simply dissolved...

Thus creating a Much more efficient

And homogenous society.

Well, uh, what Happens to new jersey?

We'd lose that.

I got a family there!

Some day, they'll thank me.

Get in there!

Yeah?

Sir, I took royce for Pictures and prints.

I thought inspector Luger was going to do that.

He's with sergeant Dietrich, learning how

To check someone for priors.

Ah. Sad case, sir.

What's that?

Captain luger.

Levitt... A man devotes his life

To his job,

Fights his way to the top...

Then winds up back Where he started:

Humiliated, broken,

Screwin' up somebody Else's career.

Lovely sentiment.

Came to me looking Up an airshaft.

Barney, did you Read any of this stuff

That frenchie royce has Been handing out out there?

I haven't had the time.

Have you checked him for priors?

Hmm? No, d.D. Did that.

Inspector, have you Completed the arrest report?

Hmm?

No. No, what? You Wanted it today?

Yes, I would like to See the arrest report

Before the man gets Transferred out.

Well, you don't have To snap at me, barney.

I'll get right to it, sir.

Inspector. Captain.

I know this is not An easy transition

For you to have to Make, but you got to try.

You got to make an effort.

That's the same kind of Malarkey they give to kleiner...

I really don't have Time to listen to stories

About kleiner or Forrester or brownie.

I wasn't even gonna mention Them other two guys...

Forrester and brownie.

I had a feeling they Were coming next.

It seems to me I Can remember a time

When you didn't mind listening To a few reminiscences

Of the old inspector.

Captain!

Oh, now you're giving it to Me with both barrels, huh?

Well, listen, let me tell You something, sonny...

I was pounding the pavements As a flatfoot for the nypd

While you were still Peddling papers in short pants.

So now tell me that I got to come in here

And listen to this kind of...

Now, look!

Nice try, barney.

Huh?

Sure, I see what you're Trying to do, barney.

You're trying to insult Me, belittle me, huh,

To get me all Steamed up so I'll...

I'll fight back and stop Feeling sorry for myself, right?

Huh?

Uh, right.

That's what you're Trying to do, right?

Absolutely.

Lucky for you I Caught on, huh, barney?

All right, come on Inside. We're home.

Step lively. Come on.

\ ...82 bottles of Beer on the wall... \

Hey, wojo. Yeah.

Barney.

Oh, boy, that must Have been something.

Look, can you guys cut it down?

\ ...81 bottles of Beer on the wall... \

Oh, that. Hey!

\...You take one... \

I hardly even hear It anymore, barney.

They started at 3,000.

Oh.

What... What's the story?

Well, it was basically A shanghai operation.

Two guys came into the Mission about 11:00 p.M.

And offered me and a Couple of other bums

A bottle of gin if we'd Take a ride with them.

Next morning, we pull Up to a peanut farm

On the carolina border.

Barney, they got 50, 60 bums there.

Already, they're Working in the fields,

And most of them don't Even know where they are.

Anyway, um, I picked About half a bushel,

Then I decided to Make some arrests.

Suspects?

They're still down there.

I got to go back next week For the extradition proceedings.

You think this is a Wide-scale operation?

Barn, I am really Not in the mood.

Barney, I spent 10 1/2 hours

Riding with the von Trapp family here.

All the way up the turnpike,

It's "I got to go To the bathroom,"

"Can we have some ice Cream?" "Are we there yet?"

Where's my nut log?

What?

Where's my nut log?

Is it in the bag?

No, man, them's cigarettes.

40 cents a pack down there.

But we don't smoke.

Uh, we're gonna have To get a statement

From every one of those guys.

Uh, yeah, right.

Monty, take a seat Over there at my desk.

Pinky, squirrel...

Uh, ray, excuse Me, if you don't mind.

Oh, sure. It's just I Know them all by name.

Well, I appreciate it.

Thank you.

Gentlemen, we're gonna need Some information from each of you.

I didn't think that this Could happen in america.

Nor did we.

I mean, what's this Country coming to?

What's this country coming to?

I'll tell you what this Country's coming to.

People are losing hope.

People are losing faith in The leadership of this country.

Mr. Royce.

They are getting Tired of being told

To lower their expectations, Tighten up their belts,

Stand up straight, don't slouch.

Mr. Royce, please.

"Mr. Royce," you say, yes,

But we have no Other alternative.

Our resources are running out.

The american dream Must be abandoned.

To that, I reply, bunk!

The american dream is not dead.

It's just waiting To be rekindled.

We have the ability and the will

To ensure not only That every citizen

Has a right to a decent place To live and enough to eat,

But, more important,

That he has an important Role to play in society!

It's about time.

And... If I'm elected,

I shall go forward With your guidance

And the grace of god

To undertake the challenge

Of making this nation Something to write home about!

Good stuff!

All right, all right. Come on, royce.

Come on, royce. Out of the soapbox.

Thank you for Your support. Here.

Remember me... Alfred Royce, the people's candidate.

I'll need your help in november.

Remember, with you and Me, we can go all the way.

Yeah, all the way Downtown. Come on, royce.

Okay, everybody Want to find a cop?

Lose something?

I came back to apologize.

Who to?

To both of you.

I was thinking about What I said yesterday,

And I... I realized that I Had absolutely no right

To ask of you what I did.

It meant much more than Just a few hours of your time.

Even if we never met again,

You would always know that There was someone out there

That was... A part of you.

Yeah, we thought about that.

Well, I-I really hope That I haven't caused

Any undue friction Between the two of you.

No, us?

Nah. No.

Um... I'm sorry.

I know it's none of my business,

But are you gonna...

Are you gonna keep Looking for somebody?

Uh, no.

It's... It's already Been taken care of.

Oh.

Someone we'd approve of?

I have to be going.

Thank you again For your kindness.

Least we could do.

Goodbye, carl.

Take care of yourself, laura.

As of this moment, you Gentlemen are working for free.

Huh?

6:00, check-out time.

Oh, I get it.

Inspector? Huh?

It's check-out time. No, no.

I think I'm gonna Stick around, barney,

And finish up a few reports.

Maybe I can get one Of the guys to help you.

No, no. No need For that, barney.

Why don't you young Fellas go on home?

You know, beat it.

Leave the old captain Here alone to work in peace.

Okay.

Good night, inspector.

Good night, barney.

Good night, inspector luger.

D.D.

Good night... Inspector luger.

Woj.

Good night, inspector luger.

Vagrant.

Good night, inspector luger.

Good night, har.

Good night, inspector luger.

Good night, levitt.

Thank you.